The Internet of Things
October 6, 2020 4:38 PM Subscribe
Internet-enabled male chastity cage can be remotely locked by hackers
It’s the intended use case, just not the intended user
It’s the intended use case, just not the intended user
(a.s.s.b = alt.sex.stories.bondage, I might have made that too obscure.)
posted by Horkus at 4:56 PM on October 6, 2020 [15 favorites]
posted by Horkus at 4:56 PM on October 6, 2020 [15 favorites]
Not the denial of service attack I was expecting.
posted by mhoye at 4:58 PM on October 6, 2020 [91 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 4:58 PM on October 6, 2020 [91 favorites]
I kinda want to see the Lock Picking Lawyer tackle this one.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:58 PM on October 6, 2020 [35 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 4:58 PM on October 6, 2020 [35 favorites]
What. The actual. Fuck.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:58 PM on October 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 4:58 PM on October 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
*opens the blue for the first time in a week, sees this post. Closes the blue*
Got enough internet allll in one dose there, I’m good now.
posted by Drumhellz at 5:05 PM on October 6, 2020 [33 favorites]
Got enough internet allll in one dose there, I’m good now.
posted by Drumhellz at 5:05 PM on October 6, 2020 [33 favorites]
It's out of stock. Was that before or after this news, I wonder...
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:05 PM on October 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:05 PM on October 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
As Lomas explains to The Verge, Qiui is in a bit of a bind.
/side eye emoji
posted by Gorgik at 5:06 PM on October 6, 2020 [7 favorites]
/side eye emoji
posted by Gorgik at 5:06 PM on October 6, 2020 [7 favorites]
Something something a turtle and a scorpion except it’s your junk and an IoT device and it’s the nature of these things
posted by mhoye at 5:12 PM on October 6, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 5:12 PM on October 6, 2020 [9 favorites]
“Teledildonics” is my new favorite buzzword.
(also why could this not have happened last year when I was writing a term paper on IoT security it would have been a much more engaging topic than whatever bullshit I ended up spinning)
posted by okayokayigive at 5:16 PM on October 6, 2020 [8 favorites]
(also why could this not have happened last year when I was writing a term paper on IoT security it would have been a much more engaging topic than whatever bullshit I ended up spinning)
posted by okayokayigive at 5:16 PM on October 6, 2020 [8 favorites]
Is there a jailbreak yet? Asking for a friend.
posted by mmcg at 5:16 PM on October 6, 2020 [10 favorites]
posted by mmcg at 5:16 PM on October 6, 2020 [10 favorites]
What. The actual. Fuck.
Sometimes, when two adults love and trust each other very much, they engage in a kind of role play where one partner has an outsized control over the other. This is played out through many avenues, but occasionally it involves denial and control of one partner’s sexual release.
posted by Buy Sockpuppet Bonds! at 5:17 PM on October 6, 2020 [19 favorites]
Sometimes, when two adults love and trust each other very much, they engage in a kind of role play where one partner has an outsized control over the other. This is played out through many avenues, but occasionally it involves denial and control of one partner’s sexual release.
posted by Buy Sockpuppet Bonds! at 5:17 PM on October 6, 2020 [19 favorites]
teledildonics
teledildonics
TELEDILDONICS
posted by medusa at 5:17 PM on October 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
teledildonics
TELEDILDONICS
posted by medusa at 5:17 PM on October 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
Y’all that word is old enough to vote, calm down.
posted by mhoye at 5:21 PM on October 6, 2020 [112 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 5:21 PM on October 6, 2020 [112 favorites]
DDOS
Distributed Denial of Sexytimes
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:26 PM on October 6, 2020 [18 favorites]
Distributed Denial of Sexytimes
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 5:26 PM on October 6, 2020 [18 favorites]
"Sometimes, when two adults love and trust each other very much, they engage in a kind of role play"
right right right right, it's just the "app controlled" and "no manual override" part that's getting me. Like, have these people never been stuck in the dark while their lightbulbs work on a firmware update?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:30 PM on October 6, 2020 [13 favorites]
right right right right, it's just the "app controlled" and "no manual override" part that's getting me. Like, have these people never been stuck in the dark while their lightbulbs work on a firmware update?
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:30 PM on October 6, 2020 [13 favorites]
Play Doom on the panel.
The method of opening may constitute additional legal concerns. This is especially true if explosives, firearms, or hazardous materials (high temperatures, toxic gases, acids) are used. Remember to check all applicable local and federal laws for any additional circumstances. Furthermore, always consider any insurance contracts that may affect the use of manipulation or bypass on any locking component.
posted by clavdivs at 5:30 PM on October 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
The method of opening may constitute additional legal concerns. This is especially true if explosives, firearms, or hazardous materials (high temperatures, toxic gases, acids) are used. Remember to check all applicable local and federal laws for any additional circumstances. Furthermore, always consider any insurance contracts that may affect the use of manipulation or bypass on any locking component.
posted by clavdivs at 5:30 PM on October 6, 2020 [5 favorites]
The other, discovered by Pen Test Partners
Peen Pressed Partners, surely.
posted by tonycpsu at 5:33 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
Peen Pressed Partners, surely.
posted by tonycpsu at 5:33 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
Not the denial of service attack I was expecting.
Denial of cervix?
Blueball Screen Of Death?
posted by The otter lady at 5:39 PM on October 6, 2020 [8 favorites]
Denial of cervix?
Blueball Screen Of Death?
posted by The otter lady at 5:39 PM on October 6, 2020 [8 favorites]
The IoT is has been a scam and it will continue to be a scam. Manufacturers have no incentive to make products truly secure as most consumers have no idea what that would actually look like. So consumers purchase insecure and unsupportable junk because the marketing makes it sound cool. It is bad enough that an IoT refrigerator for no good reason makes your e-mail available to malicious actors but smart lights that have default security codes that cannot be changed, cleaning robots that can taken over and damage homes, and a list of seemingly endless failures. That anyone thinks that telesex toys and devices are going to be anything other than bait for jerks with security violation skillz needs to reevaluate their fellow humans. Especially before putting their pudenda in an IoT box. Unless giving random strangers control of your junk is your thing. No judgement on your kink. But that should be voluntary.
posted by Ignorantsavage at 5:40 PM on October 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by Ignorantsavage at 5:40 PM on October 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
It's a battery-powered device. So why is "locked" its failure mode? Remote hacking isn't the only major problem this gadget faces. (So yeah, assuming the manufacturer simply wasn't negligent, maybe it's because some doms don't trust their subs to commit to the roleplay and *not* free themselves when the dom's not looking. But that's still shit-stupid.)
posted by at by at 5:41 PM on October 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by at by at 5:41 PM on October 6, 2020 [11 favorites]
>What. The actual. Fuck.<
Or NOT in this case...
posted by twidget at 5:43 PM on October 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
Or NOT in this case...
posted by twidget at 5:43 PM on October 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
Having taken a gander at the devices in question... uh, can you sue for a UTI if you get locked out/into of your IOT fun times device?
posted by Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq. at 5:46 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Gyre,Gimble,Wabe, Esq. at 5:46 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
O tempora, mores, this age:
An internet-capable cage.
One dick, in a box,
A mobile-app lock,
And a hell of a 404 page
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:52 PM on October 6, 2020 [50 favorites]
An internet-capable cage.
One dick, in a box,
A mobile-app lock,
And a hell of a 404 page
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:52 PM on October 6, 2020 [50 favorites]
Y’all that word is old enough to vote, calm down.
Look it's just super exciting to get to use some words. It's like birdspotting. I can use "nebulous" in a pertinent way twice a day but "teledildonics" is much rarer in the wild.
posted by solarion at 6:10 PM on October 6, 2020 [14 favorites]
Look it's just super exciting to get to use some words. It's like birdspotting. I can use "nebulous" in a pertinent way twice a day but "teledildonics" is much rarer in the wild.
posted by solarion at 6:10 PM on October 6, 2020 [14 favorites]
Of course the Internet of Shit would base their chastity device on an open-house keylocker with the hasp inverted.
If you put your dick in that you deserve what you get.
in spirit, at least. ouch.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:11 PM on October 6, 2020
If you put your dick in that you deserve what you get.
in spirit, at least. ouch.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:11 PM on October 6, 2020
two words: bolt cutters.
posted by valkane at 6:12 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by valkane at 6:12 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
(space voice) In the Year 2000 ...
posted by swift at 6:14 PM on October 6, 2020 [10 favorites]
posted by swift at 6:14 PM on October 6, 2020 [10 favorites]
Step one is a hole in the box,
Step two is your junk in the box.
But between you and me
You’ll never see three
Because randos are pwning the locks.
posted by mhoye at 6:15 PM on October 6, 2020 [31 favorites]
Step two is your junk in the box.
But between you and me
You’ll never see three
Because randos are pwning the locks.
posted by mhoye at 6:15 PM on October 6, 2020 [31 favorites]
It sounds like they should have done some penetration testing.
posted by nalyd at 6:15 PM on October 6, 2020 [34 favorites]
posted by nalyd at 6:15 PM on October 6, 2020 [34 favorites]
Step 1: find the hole in the box
Step 2: put your junk in that box
Step 3: install the app for the box
Step 4: tell your wifi password to the box
Step 5: agree to the license agreement for the box
Step 6: install updates for the box
And that’s the way you do it
posted by Huffy Puffy at 6:20 PM on October 6, 2020 [20 favorites]
Step 2: put your junk in that box
Step 3: install the app for the box
Step 4: tell your wifi password to the box
Step 5: agree to the license agreement for the box
Step 6: install updates for the box
And that’s the way you do it
posted by Huffy Puffy at 6:20 PM on October 6, 2020 [20 favorites]
Cellmate? More like Incel, mate.
404? More like 503.
I'll stop now
posted by mcrandello at 6:21 PM on October 6, 2020 [6 favorites]
404? More like 503.
I'll stop now
posted by mcrandello at 6:21 PM on October 6, 2020 [6 favorites]
I feel like this is for a particular sub-kink.
Like, there's people who like putting weird things in their butts? But then there's gotta be a sub-set of people who _actually_ get their kicks from going to the Emergency Room to get weird things removed from their butts?
Somebody's probably all sweaty at the thought of a room full of firefighters with the jaws of life, while Tech Support is on the phone.
posted by bartleby at 6:25 PM on October 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
Like, there's people who like putting weird things in their butts? But then there's gotta be a sub-set of people who _actually_ get their kicks from going to the Emergency Room to get weird things removed from their butts?
Somebody's probably all sweaty at the thought of a room full of firefighters with the jaws of life, while Tech Support is on the phone.
posted by bartleby at 6:25 PM on October 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
If you're in the market for this product, the issue described might be feature not a bug.
posted by bendybendy at 6:25 PM on October 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by bendybendy at 6:25 PM on October 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
I would assume the possibility of this happening is the whole point of the connected-to-the-internet kink? Like doin' it in a risky public place? And most people not actually wanting to get caught?
posted by straight at 6:28 PM on October 6, 2020
posted by straight at 6:28 PM on October 6, 2020
It is not. Some small subset may consider it a feature, but a vanishing few. Consent matters. Including in consensual non-consent, power exchange, or whatever you want to call it.
It's not that different along those lines than a remote controlled, internet enabled dildo. Most users won't expect or want it to be controlled by anyone who they haven't chosen to submit to.
Definitely not some hater in it for the lulz.
yeah yeah teledildonics, is Mondo2K even around anymore?
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:31 PM on October 6, 2020 [9 favorites]
It's not that different along those lines than a remote controlled, internet enabled dildo. Most users won't expect or want it to be controlled by anyone who they haven't chosen to submit to.
Definitely not some hater in it for the lulz.
yeah yeah teledildonics, is Mondo2K even around anymore?
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:31 PM on October 6, 2020 [9 favorites]
226 Im Used
402 Payment Required
411 Length Required
417 Expectation Failed
425 Too Early
510 Not Extended
This is fun!
posted by traveler_ at 6:33 PM on October 6, 2020 [18 favorites]
402 Payment Required
411 Length Required
417 Expectation Failed
425 Too Early
510 Not Extended
This is fun!
posted by traveler_ at 6:33 PM on October 6, 2020 [18 favorites]
While I'm not into this personally and am in no position to judge, I am nevertheless being extremely privately judgemental right at this moment and will be very glad to share my opinions at a moment's notice.
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:37 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 6:37 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
not used to "lock-in effect" being meant so literally when it comes to technology ecosystems
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:48 PM on October 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by DoctorFedora at 6:48 PM on October 6, 2020 [4 favorites]
Despite my rager I am still locked in this cager
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:06 PM on October 6, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:06 PM on October 6, 2020 [14 favorites]
Internet-enabled male chastity cage can be remotely locked by hackers [more inside]
Entirely inside, which is the issue.
I suppose for sake of avoiding prurience, the article cannot be too explicit on how it fits around the tackle, but it doesn’t look like either (a) urinating or (b) having an erection would be easy to deal with. As a penis-enabled type myself, these are among the main things I use mine for.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:08 PM on October 6, 2020
Entirely inside, which is the issue.
I suppose for sake of avoiding prurience, the article cannot be too explicit on how it fits around the tackle, but it doesn’t look like either (a) urinating or (b) having an erection would be easy to deal with. As a penis-enabled type myself, these are among the main things I use mine for.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:08 PM on October 6, 2020
With an ominous click of the lock
Chad sealed his dick in a box
Unbeknownst to him
He was now at the whim of
Internetto, the Master of Cocks!
A young man who lusted to be
Imprisoned erotically
Was hacked by some trolls
Who busted his balls
Teledildonically.
posted by MrVisible at 8:20 PM on October 6, 2020 [25 favorites]
Chad sealed his dick in a box
Unbeknownst to him
He was now at the whim of
Internetto, the Master of Cocks!
A young man who lusted to be
Imprisoned erotically
Was hacked by some trolls
Who busted his balls
Teledildonically.
posted by MrVisible at 8:20 PM on October 6, 2020 [25 favorites]
One solution, to release, when it shuts,
Is a grinder between front and butts.
But since secrets are posted
In public, and hosted,
try:
Is a grinder between front and butts.
But since secrets are posted
In public, and hosted,
try:
git reset --force DEEZ NUTSposted by Fiasco da Gama at 8:23 PM on October 6, 2020 [23 favorites]
Even worse, as the chastity cage does not come with a manual override or physical key, locked-in users have few options to break out. One is to cut through the cage’s hardened steel shackle, an operation that would require bolt cutters or an angle grinder, and that is made trickier by the fact that the shackle in question is fastened tightly around the wearer’s testicles. The other, discovered by Pen Test Partners, is to overload the circuit board that controls the lock’s motor with three volts of electricity (around two AA batteries’ worth).I mean, two AA batteries' worth doesn't seem like that much, even if electrical stimulation were, you know, your thing. On the other hand, I wonder if you could produce this effect [moderately NSFW, more than moderately awesome].
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:38 PM on October 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
That’s not a bug, it's a…
If you're in the market for this product, the issue described might be feature not a bug.
Dang it
posted by Going To Maine at 8:39 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
If you're in the market for this product, the issue described might be feature not a bug.
Dang it
posted by Going To Maine at 8:39 PM on October 6, 2020 [1 favorite]
I sort of wonder about the Pavlok
It's lame and terrible and gives you that '80s digital plastic watchband smelly sweat rash.
(But if that sounds fun, go wild)
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:17 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
It's lame and terrible and gives you that '80s digital plastic watchband smelly sweat rash.
(But if that sounds fun, go wild)
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:17 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
it doesn’t look like either (a) urinating or (b) having an erection would be easy to deal with. As a penis-enabled type myself, these are among the main things I use mine for.
(a) is handled by the hole at the tip, (b) is the entire point (or lack thereof).
This is not a kink of mine, but it's common enough that I know these are a popular model. Comparing the ergonomics sort of underscores what a disaster this IOT thing is.
I was only half kidding when I said it looks like it was adapted from a wifi-enabled realtors key-box vs. the genuine article.
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:32 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
(a) is handled by the hole at the tip, (b) is the entire point (or lack thereof).
This is not a kink of mine, but it's common enough that I know these are a popular model. Comparing the ergonomics sort of underscores what a disaster this IOT thing is.
I was only half kidding when I said it looks like it was adapted from a wifi-enabled realtors key-box vs. the genuine article.
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:32 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
Happy Locktober!
posted by transitional procedures at 10:02 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by transitional procedures at 10:02 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
I have hacked
the schlong
that was in
the lockbox
and which
you were probably
saving
for later
Forgive me
I was malicious
so sweet
and send bitcoin
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:51 PM on October 6, 2020 [25 favorites]
the schlong
that was in
the lockbox
and which
you were probably
saving
for later
Forgive me
I was malicious
so sweet
and send bitcoin
posted by ActingTheGoat at 10:51 PM on October 6, 2020 [25 favorites]
As far as dark web hackers selling a key to unlock this goes, it is basically what ButtCoin was made for. I can't imagine accepting any other form of P2P currency.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 11:11 PM on October 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 11:11 PM on October 6, 2020 [2 favorites]
It's funny because if you could imagine Google as an adult company, this is the kind of question they'd have you whiteboard an answer to during their grueling interview. How do you implement such a device in an ethical manner? I'm not sure it's actually possible to do so. Any sort of local manual override would appear to defeat the purpose and simultaneously no software is sufficiently bug free as to be able to safely do away with the override. I think this product is almost categorically impossible to implement in a truly safe way. Plenty of ways to do it that you could get away with selling, I guess, but pretending you wanted an auditable open source type system, I'm not sure you could arrive at one without major CS breakthroughs.
posted by feloniousmonk at 11:16 PM on October 6, 2020
posted by feloniousmonk at 11:16 PM on October 6, 2020
Any sort of local manual override would appear to defeat the purpose and simultaneously no software is sufficiently bug free as to be able to safely do away with the override.
Security is always more complicated than you think but what about a physical key that can unlock the device in a way not available to the software, for emergency use? Kind of how garage doors can be opened with a clicker or by unscrewing a bolt with a hex key.
posted by each day we work at 11:46 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
Security is always more complicated than you think but what about a physical key that can unlock the device in a way not available to the software, for emergency use? Kind of how garage doors can be opened with a clicker or by unscrewing a bolt with a hex key.
posted by each day we work at 11:46 PM on October 6, 2020 [3 favorites]
maybe it's because some doms don't trust their subs to commit to the roleplay and *not* free themselves when the dom's not looking
Inescapability tends to be way more important to subs (who are nearly always the initiator of chastity play) than to doms/dommes. Subs want to feel a real loss of control. If they can escape at any time without getting caught, the play loses most of its exciting edge. That said, no one wants to lose control to hacking or malfunction. A toy with these kinds of vulnerabilities is hot garbage, and not the fun kind of hot.
Security is always more complicated than you think but what about a physical key that can unlock the device in a way not available to the software, for emergency use?
There are various solutions that allow escapability without sacrificing accountability, such as numbered plastic locks or tamper-evident containers for storing an emergency key. Much safer than entrusting your genitals to coders.
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:50 PM on October 6, 2020 [9 favorites]
Inescapability tends to be way more important to subs (who are nearly always the initiator of chastity play) than to doms/dommes. Subs want to feel a real loss of control. If they can escape at any time without getting caught, the play loses most of its exciting edge. That said, no one wants to lose control to hacking or malfunction. A toy with these kinds of vulnerabilities is hot garbage, and not the fun kind of hot.
Security is always more complicated than you think but what about a physical key that can unlock the device in a way not available to the software, for emergency use?
There are various solutions that allow escapability without sacrificing accountability, such as numbered plastic locks or tamper-evident containers for storing an emergency key. Much safer than entrusting your genitals to coders.
posted by dephlogisticated at 11:50 PM on October 6, 2020 [9 favorites]
So this sent me off looking for racy fanfic of Danny Dunn and the Automatic House. I didn’t find any, but AO3 has a solid little story in which Irene is Tom Swift’s younger sister’s doctoral advisor.
posted by clew at 12:49 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by clew at 12:49 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
The Dildorks recently did an episode about chastity play which was pretty interesting. At one point they talk about chastity play for singles, and apparently there's an app you can use as your virtual dominatrix, which then commands you when to open your cage. This cage could probably connected to that app.
But honestly... don't use the Internet-connected dick cage.
posted by sixohsix at 1:25 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
But honestly... don't use the Internet-connected dick cage.
posted by sixohsix at 1:25 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
I have LOCKED
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they ...NO CARRIER
posted by Lanark at 1:27 AM on October 7, 2020 [10 favorites]
the plums
that were in
the icebox
and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast
Forgive me
they ...NO CARRIER
posted by Lanark at 1:27 AM on October 7, 2020 [10 favorites]
really? this far into the discussion (such as it is) and I'm the first in with Dune's "what is in the box?"
mefi really goin' downhill... grumble... getoffmahlawn
posted by kokaku at 2:05 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
mefi really goin' downhill... grumble... getoffmahlawn
posted by kokaku at 2:05 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
"Have you tried turning yourself off and back on again?"
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:19 AM on October 7, 2020 [10 favorites]
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 4:19 AM on October 7, 2020 [10 favorites]
Rule 34: There's an app for that.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:19 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Thorzdad at 5:19 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
TechCrunch as the reporting organ is a winner in the eponysterical stakes for sure.
posted by lalochezia at 5:22 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by lalochezia at 5:22 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
Bechtel's law of technology:
"The second use of all technology is porn."
The first telephone call was "Mr. Watson--come here--I want to see you."
The second telephone call was heavy breathing.
posted by blob at 5:24 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
"The second use of all technology is porn."
The first telephone call was "Mr. Watson--come here--I want to see you."
The second telephone call was heavy breathing.
posted by blob at 5:24 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
Stealing from a friend:
"Problem diagnosed as PEBUAP - won't fix"
posted by andreaazure at 5:37 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
"Problem diagnosed as PEBUAP - won't fix"
posted by andreaazure at 5:37 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
This is not a kink of mine, but it's common enough that I know these are a popular model. Comparing the ergonomics sort of underscores what a disaster this IOT thing is.
Those look to the uninformed eye to be far better than the ones featured in the FPP. I love how the full kit comes with TSA-compliant locks in addition to the regular metal locks, for your flying needs.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:18 AM on October 7, 2020
Those look to the uninformed eye to be far better than the ones featured in the FPP. I love how the full kit comes with TSA-compliant locks in addition to the regular metal locks, for your flying needs.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:18 AM on October 7, 2020
Despite all my rage I am still just a dick in a cage
Despite all my rage I am still just a dick in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a dick in a cage
posted by soundguy99 at 6:30 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
Despite all my rage I am still just a dick in a cage
Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved
Despite all my rage I am still just a dick in a cage
posted by soundguy99 at 6:30 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
Also: "locked-in users have few options to break out. One is to cut through the cage’s hardened steel shackle, an operation that would require bolt cutters or an angle grinder,"
WHOA WHOA WHOA HOL UP THERE
posted by soundguy99 at 6:31 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
WHOA WHOA WHOA HOL UP THERE
posted by soundguy99 at 6:31 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
Nobody was worried about ransomware?
posted by etherist at 7:04 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by etherist at 7:04 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
AHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA I have nothing smart to say this is just hilarious
posted by k8bot at 7:42 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by k8bot at 7:42 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
Can this be modified to work with masks? Like somehow locking mask over the nose of 60 year old men?
posted by srboisvert at 8:08 AM on October 7, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by srboisvert at 8:08 AM on October 7, 2020 [9 favorites]
I really dislike the attitude that people deserve what they get, when their IoT devices get hacked.
Most people aren't as knowledgeable about internet security as we are. Should they be? Yes! But if they are, it's because they work in tech or pay attention to tech news - and most people don't. The companies making these devices sure as hell don't publicize their security risks.
People are buying these types of devices not realizing what their failure can look like. Acting like that's totally on them is exactly what the capitalist entrepreneurs behind these devices want: All responsibility, financial and moral, on the consumer.
Weirdly, this reminds me of what happened with salmonella. The US turned that into the consumer's responsibility too. We don't expect chickens to be vaccinated against salmonella; we expect home cooks to be extremely vigilant, because now all uncooked chicken is a serious health risk. It didn't have to be this way but we let food producers evade their responsibility by putting so much of it on the consumer.
(And yeah, you should be careful with chicken! And your chastity device shouldn't be connected to the internet, probably!)
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:20 AM on October 7, 2020 [14 favorites]
Most people aren't as knowledgeable about internet security as we are. Should they be? Yes! But if they are, it's because they work in tech or pay attention to tech news - and most people don't. The companies making these devices sure as hell don't publicize their security risks.
People are buying these types of devices not realizing what their failure can look like. Acting like that's totally on them is exactly what the capitalist entrepreneurs behind these devices want: All responsibility, financial and moral, on the consumer.
Weirdly, this reminds me of what happened with salmonella. The US turned that into the consumer's responsibility too. We don't expect chickens to be vaccinated against salmonella; we expect home cooks to be extremely vigilant, because now all uncooked chicken is a serious health risk. It didn't have to be this way but we let food producers evade their responsibility by putting so much of it on the consumer.
(And yeah, you should be careful with chicken! And your chastity device shouldn't be connected to the internet, probably!)
posted by Kutsuwamushi at 8:20 AM on October 7, 2020 [14 favorites]
I would assume the possibility of this happening is the whole point of the connected-to-the-internet kink? Like doin' it in a risky public place?
I bet more are for long-distance relationships or where one partner has to travel. They get to be temporarily unlocked while they are on video chat, that sort of thing.
I mean, even without the bondage angle, people will get lewd over video chat but the main point isn't the risk of someone hacking the video.
posted by RobotHero at 8:26 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
I bet more are for long-distance relationships or where one partner has to travel. They get to be temporarily unlocked while they are on video chat, that sort of thing.
I mean, even without the bondage angle, people will get lewd over video chat but the main point isn't the risk of someone hacking the video.
posted by RobotHero at 8:26 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
Did anyone else get served an ad for a Fisher-Price children's tablet with the article? Interesting juxtaposition; I wonder if the two devices work together. That could lead to some awkward conversations in the ER; "You say your toddler locked this device around your genitals?"
posted by TedW at 8:36 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by TedW at 8:36 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites]
Kara Swisher, on her old podcast RECODE DECODE, had an interview with a researcher and author regarding the IOT and it was fascinating. How read/write capacity was built into the code of many medical prosthetic devices like pacemakers and insulin pumps. She thought that this was a glaring liability (rightfully) and imagined a state-level attack on those systems. Kind of terrifying.
posted by zerobyproxy at 8:55 AM on October 7, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by zerobyproxy at 8:55 AM on October 7, 2020 [4 favorites]
It's too bad this guy wasn't from Nantucket
posted by Dr. Twist at 8:58 AM on October 7, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by Dr. Twist at 8:58 AM on October 7, 2020 [9 favorites]
How read/write capacity was built into the code of many medical prosthetic devices like pacemakers and insulin pumps. She thought that this was a glaring liability (rightfully) and imagined a state-level attack on those systems.
This is why Dick Cheney's pacemaker had its wireless capability disabled.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:10 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
This is why Dick Cheney's pacemaker had its wireless capability disabled.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 9:10 AM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
Double. We just had the "Don’t put secrets into your repositories!" thread two days ago.
So I went looking for any Qiui source code on Github because apparently that's a thing I do now. I came up empty handed....but did find the Internet of Sex Tech Github project which lists 429 of these types of products.
The same Github account also has the buttplug repo. Which does have the "architecture documentation and the central json schema for the Buttplug Sex Toy Control Server Protocol." So there you go. Disappointingly seems like the protocol doesn't let you turn the device all the way up to 11.
So I went looking for any Qiui source code on Github because apparently that's a thing I do now. I came up empty handed....but did find the Internet of Sex Tech Github project which lists 429 of these types of products.
The same Github account also has the buttplug repo. Which does have the "architecture documentation and the central json schema for the Buttplug Sex Toy Control Server Protocol." So there you go. Disappointingly seems like the protocol doesn't let you turn the device all the way up to 11.
"SingleMotorVibrateCmd": {
"type": "object",
"description": "Sends a vibrate command to a device that supports vibration.",
"properties": {
"Id": {"$ref": "#/components/Id"},
"DeviceIndex": { "$ref" : "#/components/DeviceIndex" },
"Speed": {
"description": "Device vibration speed (floating point, 0 < x < 1), stepping will be device specific.",
"type": "number",
"minimum": 0,
"maximum": 1
}
posted by inflatablekiwi at 9:27 AM on October 7, 2020 [2 favorites] (floating point, 0 < x < 1)
It can't be turned entirely off, or all the way up, in other words. Could lead to some frustration, either way.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:13 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
It can't be turned entirely off, or all the way up, in other words. Could lead to some frustration, either way.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:13 AM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
Qiui is in a bit of a bind. If it disables the old API completely, it will fix the security flaw but risk locking in users who haven’t updated the app. But by leaving the original API functional, older versions of the app will continue to work with the security flaw intact.
Yikes! Non-IT person agreeing that the Internet of things is largely bullshit. Just another way to add more security flaws and charge extra money for them. Also, I have a buddy who is into chastity play. Super smart, kind, wonderful human being. It sucks that people think that this is hilarious. I understand why but making fun of people who get off on things that do not appeal to you is both juvenile and cruel. Feel free to dial it back. Thank you.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:33 PM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
Yikes! Non-IT person agreeing that the Internet of things is largely bullshit. Just another way to add more security flaws and charge extra money for them. Also, I have a buddy who is into chastity play. Super smart, kind, wonderful human being. It sucks that people think that this is hilarious. I understand why but making fun of people who get off on things that do not appeal to you is both juvenile and cruel. Feel free to dial it back. Thank you.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:33 PM on October 7, 2020 [3 favorites]
I hope my http status code funning wasn't read as cruel. Juvenile, I'll cop to, and I feel like part of me will always be 12 years old and be all "tee hee hee sex". But there's non-mainstream things about my sexuality and there's things that are no part of my sexuality, and I want everyone to be free to be their horniest and weirdest selves as they desire. Sorry if I got inappropriate.
posted by traveler_ at 9:36 PM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by traveler_ at 9:36 PM on October 7, 2020 [1 favorite]
traveler_ , my comment was directed toward the discussion as a whole, and not you specifically. It's possible that my history with this place made me unduly jumpy. This is a great post, and the map of users is fascinating. I thought Sweden would be a lot more daring than most other European nation but nope!
posted by Bella Donna at 5:11 AM on October 8, 2020
posted by Bella Donna at 5:11 AM on October 8, 2020
Thank you MetaFilter. I have not laughed myself into tears in far to long.
posted by zengargoyle at 3:04 PM on October 8, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by zengargoyle at 3:04 PM on October 8, 2020 [3 favorites]
I bet more are for long-distance relationships or where one partner has to travel.
Equally likely would be fin doms with a large clientele. Imagine a cpanel instance with 150 cages managed via puppet scripts. That’s a lot easier (and likely less tiresome) than reviewing 150 dick pics with a numbered tag. (Get some spunk in your splunk!)
There might some sort of cyberpunk frisson there, although I suspect most fin subs actually want more than the sort of lazily detached contempt that characterizes that kink from the outside looking in.
didn’t mean to mock the chastity fetish, more being into it enough to want this thing but not enough to be more selective about it
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:26 AM on October 11, 2020 [1 favorite]
Equally likely would be fin doms with a large clientele. Imagine a cpanel instance with 150 cages managed via puppet scripts. That’s a lot easier (and likely less tiresome) than reviewing 150 dick pics with a numbered tag. (Get some spunk in your splunk!)
There might some sort of cyberpunk frisson there, although I suspect most fin subs actually want more than the sort of lazily detached contempt that characterizes that kink from the outside looking in.
didn’t mean to mock the chastity fetish, more being into it enough to want this thing but not enough to be more selective about it
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:26 AM on October 11, 2020 [1 favorite]
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posted by Horkus at 4:46 PM on October 6, 2020 [19 favorites]