“The United States military would like to procure your services.”
October 8, 2020 2:13 PM Subscribe
This is the trailer for Fatman, a movie that pits the unpleasant Mel Gibson against America’s sweetheart Walt Goggins.
Nope.
posted by Nelson at 2:21 PM on October 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by Nelson at 2:21 PM on October 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
I just discovered this trailer earlier today. It's... something.
The premise is viable, and if they had cast the title character with someone else, say... (cough) Tim Allen, THEN you'd have my interest. Especially if Allen, who hasn't really done dark and violent to my knowledge, really went for it.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 2:21 PM on October 8, 2020 [9 favorites]
The premise is viable, and if they had cast the title character with someone else, say... (cough) Tim Allen, THEN you'd have my interest. Especially if Allen, who hasn't really done dark and violent to my knowledge, really went for it.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 2:21 PM on October 8, 2020 [9 favorites]
Stupid, venal, racist, infantile, violent, hateful.
This may be the perfect 2020 movie.
posted by Keith Talent at 2:35 PM on October 8, 2020 [9 favorites]
This may be the perfect 2020 movie.
posted by Keith Talent at 2:35 PM on October 8, 2020 [9 favorites]
Fuck Mel Gibson and fuck Hollywood for allowing this anti-semitic misogynist homophobe a second act.
posted by gwint at 2:39 PM on October 8, 2020 [84 favorites]
posted by gwint at 2:39 PM on October 8, 2020 [84 favorites]
It's not quite peak 2020 in that we have an interracial kiss. This detracts from the perfectly "stupid, venal, racist, infantile, violent, hateful"-ness.
Otherwise YUP
posted by elkevelvet at 2:40 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
Otherwise YUP
posted by elkevelvet at 2:40 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
What passes for a Christmas spoof in 2020
posted by goinWhereTheClimateSuitsMyClothes at 2:40 PM on October 8, 2020
this looks terrible but it did remind me that it's been a few years since I read Hogfather
posted by um at 2:43 PM on October 8, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by um at 2:43 PM on October 8, 2020 [7 favorites]
While it's ridiculous, it's not ridiculous enough to get me to watch Mel Gibson.
posted by Splunge at 2:44 PM on October 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 2:44 PM on October 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
Ugh, hell with that noise.
Instead watch The Hogfather, in which an assassin tries to kill Santa Claus but is stopped by the grim reaper, his granddaughter, and some wizards but they're not much help.
posted by Horkus at 2:45 PM on October 8, 2020 [22 favorites]
Instead watch The Hogfather, in which an assassin tries to kill Santa Claus but is stopped by the grim reaper, his granddaughter, and some wizards but they're not much help.
posted by Horkus at 2:45 PM on October 8, 2020 [22 favorites]
Cancel culture, folks.
posted by holborne at 2:45 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by holborne at 2:45 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
I... am rooting for Walt Goggins.
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:47 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by grumpybear69 at 2:47 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
Also, why would Santa be in Alaska and not his home in Canada?
posted by senor biggles at 2:47 PM on October 8, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by senor biggles at 2:47 PM on October 8, 2020 [11 favorites]
I'm not sure I could hate this more.
posted by me3dia at 2:49 PM on October 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by me3dia at 2:49 PM on October 8, 2020 [4 favorites]
Guess Mel's trying to drum up money for his next Jesus torture flick. Fuck that guy.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:50 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 2:50 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
Huh. Parody trailers are really upping their game these days.
posted by suetanvil at 2:52 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by suetanvil at 2:52 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
Huh. Parody trailers are really upping their game these days.
I am 90% sure you are making a joke, but this is a 100% real movie directed by the Nelms brothers who seem to be entering the crowded space of brothers-making-movies.
posted by Going To Maine at 2:56 PM on October 8, 2020
I am 90% sure you are making a joke, but this is a 100% real movie directed by the Nelms brothers who seem to be entering the crowded space of brothers-making-movies.
posted by Going To Maine at 2:56 PM on October 8, 2020
Guess Mel's trying to drum up money for his next Jesus torture flick. Fuck that guy
Or funding surgeries for conjoined twins.
posted by sideshow at 2:57 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
Or funding surgeries for conjoined twins.
posted by sideshow at 2:57 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
I wondered what Boyd Crowder was up to these days. I presume that some Emulex and a remote detonator are involved somehow.
posted by HillbillyInBC at 3:02 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by HillbillyInBC at 3:02 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
I liked it better when Lee Majors was in it.
posted by thecjm at 3:12 PM on October 8, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by thecjm at 3:12 PM on October 8, 2020 [7 favorites]
funding surgeries for conjoined twins.
Is that what you do when you need to whitewash your years of abusing women, going on bigoted rants, and being such a drunk no one can even work with you?
Seriously, fuck this guy. What does he even offer any more?
posted by Nelson at 3:12 PM on October 8, 2020 [14 favorites]
Is that what you do when you need to whitewash your years of abusing women, going on bigoted rants, and being such a drunk no one can even work with you?
Seriously, fuck this guy. What does he even offer any more?
posted by Nelson at 3:12 PM on October 8, 2020 [14 favorites]
Father Christmas lives in Finland, and you'd better pray to every god who might listen that he stays there.
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 3:28 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by ivan ivanych samovar at 3:28 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
Father Christmas lives in Finland, and you'd better pray to every god who might listen that he stays there.
As a Canadian of Finnish descent, I should note that both countries are home to chapters of the Soldiers of Odin, so I'm sure Mel could find some people who are sympatico with his views in either nation. Although in Finland, he should watch out for The Euthanizer, who simply does not play when it comes to Nazis.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:33 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
As a Canadian of Finnish descent, I should note that both countries are home to chapters of the Soldiers of Odin, so I'm sure Mel could find some people who are sympatico with his views in either nation. Although in Finland, he should watch out for The Euthanizer, who simply does not play when it comes to Nazis.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 3:33 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
This...is something. I'm not sure how to describe it: a crime against humanity or just a piece of film with no redeeming features?
posted by nubs at 4:05 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by nubs at 4:05 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
It did make me think of the live Adventure Zone Holiday Brawl episode. So it has that going for it.
posted by PussKillian at 4:12 PM on October 8, 2020
posted by PussKillian at 4:12 PM on October 8, 2020
The premise is viable, and if they had cast the title character with someone else, say... (cough) Tim Allen, THEN you'd have my interest. Especially if Allen, who hasn't really done dark and violent to my knowledge, really went for it.
Tim Allen is a Trump supporter who was caught with over 1lb of cocaine back in the 70s and ratted out other dealers to get sentenced in a federal court when he was facing life in prison at the state level.
posted by mikesch at 4:21 PM on October 8, 2020 [15 favorites]
Tim Allen is a Trump supporter who was caught with over 1lb of cocaine back in the 70s and ratted out other dealers to get sentenced in a federal court when he was facing life in prison at the state level.
posted by mikesch at 4:21 PM on October 8, 2020 [15 favorites]
My mom, who grew up Orthodox Jewish, used to have nightmares that Santa would break into her house and steal her toys to give to Christian children.
Mel Gibson is that Santa.
posted by ChuraChura at 4:42 PM on October 8, 2020 [43 favorites]
Mel Gibson is that Santa.
posted by ChuraChura at 4:42 PM on October 8, 2020 [43 favorites]
I saw the title, wanted a Fatman Scoop biopic, and will be disappointed until I get one.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:44 PM on October 8, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:44 PM on October 8, 2020 [3 favorites]
ratted out other dealers to get sentenced in a federal court when he was facing life in prison at the state level.
Not sure why I’m supposed to have a problem with narcing out coke dealers, to be fair. You could spin that as “ex-con repents, takes a deal, and ends up doing well for himself.”
posted by Going To Maine at 4:52 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
Not sure why I’m supposed to have a problem with narcing out coke dealers, to be fair. You could spin that as “ex-con repents, takes a deal, and ends up doing well for himself.”
posted by Going To Maine at 4:52 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
I saw the title, wanted a Fatman Scoop biopic, and will be disappointed until I get one.
My first association with “Fatman” is the A-bomb dropped on Nagasaki, so without other context I would have expected a WW2 story.
posted by Going To Maine at 4:54 PM on October 8, 2020 [14 favorites]
My first association with “Fatman” is the A-bomb dropped on Nagasaki, so without other context I would have expected a WW2 story.
posted by Going To Maine at 4:54 PM on October 8, 2020 [14 favorites]
Cool, this is 100% something that needed to exist and that legions of people needed to put time and energy into. Certainly a worthwhile enterprise that will be remembered and celebrated as we emerge blinking into the glorious future that we definitely have.
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:56 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by turbid dahlia at 4:56 PM on October 8, 2020 [8 favorites]
Why was this posted here? Just so we can all pile on Mel Gibson? Doesn't seem very noteworthy.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:56 PM on October 8, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:56 PM on October 8, 2020 [6 favorites]
I was expecting a dark, gritty reboot of the William Conrad/Joe Penny TV series.
posted by SoberHighland at 5:15 PM on October 8, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by SoberHighland at 5:15 PM on October 8, 2020 [7 favorites]
Why was this posted here? Just so we can all pile on Mel Gibson? Doesn't seem very noteworthy.
I found it funny.
posted by Going To Maine at 5:30 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
I found it funny.
posted by Going To Maine at 5:30 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
This is definitely a 2019 film that got held back from release after the studio saw what got made.
posted by rhizome at 5:33 PM on October 8, 2020
posted by rhizome at 5:33 PM on October 8, 2020
If you want an action packed Christmas movie set with a scary Santa set in his real homeland Finland, watch Rare Exports instead.
posted by vespabelle at 6:02 PM on October 8, 2020 [18 favorites]
posted by vespabelle at 6:02 PM on October 8, 2020 [18 favorites]
Rare Exports is extremely good.
This... honestly I'd watch the hell out of it if it didn't involve Mel fucking Gibson, of all the fucking people to put in it.
posted by Scattercat at 6:06 PM on October 8, 2020 [6 favorites]
This... honestly I'd watch the hell out of it if it didn't involve Mel fucking Gibson, of all the fucking people to put in it.
posted by Scattercat at 6:06 PM on October 8, 2020 [6 favorites]
Oh wow. I have had fleeting memories of the Rare Exports Inc. short intermittently for years, but could never get my thoughts to coalesce into something googleable. Thank you, vespabelle, for seeding my mental crystal!
posted by notsnot at 7:17 PM on October 8, 2020
posted by notsnot at 7:17 PM on October 8, 2020
Christmas on IBC, Yule Love It!
posted by anazgnos at 7:32 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by anazgnos at 7:32 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
I mean, no matter how loathsome a character he portrays, there’s almost always something amazing about how he does it, so you just can’t help but root for him.
Goggins, I mean. Fuck Gibson, and that gratuitous “look at how he’s changed, he’s kissing a Black woman!” shot.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:03 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
Goggins, I mean. Fuck Gibson, and that gratuitous “look at how he’s changed, he’s kissing a Black woman!” shot.
posted by Ghidorah at 8:03 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
It’s still a few weeks until release. Kevin Spacey got replaced with Christopher Plummer after the first trailers had gone out.
Just sayin’. There’s still time.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:29 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
Just sayin’. There’s still time.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:29 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
Look I believe in second chances, and being that Gibson has fully apologized for, repudiated and made amends for all his racist, sexist, homophobic and anti-Semitic tirades, I think it's high time we let him ba...wait what? He hasn't really apologized? So, people are just supposed to, what, forget? Fuck that guy!
posted by xigxag at 8:32 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by xigxag at 8:32 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
Mel Gibson sucks and I'm sure the movie mostly sucks, but I gotta admit I loved the lump of coal reveal and the kid shouting "Curse you, fatman!"
posted by straight at 8:52 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by straight at 8:52 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
But of course we know that these days the real Santa would leave that naughty kid a solar panel.
posted by straight at 8:57 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by straight at 8:57 PM on October 8, 2020 [1 favorite]
The premise is viable, and if they had cast the title character with someone else, say... (cough) Tim Allen, THEN you'd have my interest.
Jonathan Banks would be a natural choice. But you know what would have really made this interesting? Philip Seymour Hoffman as a brooding, creepy Santa Claus. Not a haggard old everyman but a quiet loner with some tense, dark things going on under the surface.
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:09 PM on October 8, 2020 [6 favorites]
Jonathan Banks would be a natural choice. But you know what would have really made this interesting? Philip Seymour Hoffman as a brooding, creepy Santa Claus. Not a haggard old everyman but a quiet loner with some tense, dark things going on under the surface.
posted by dephlogisticated at 9:09 PM on October 8, 2020 [6 favorites]
First off, I was really disappointed to learn that this was shot in February of 2020. I've heard/watched/read a lot of interviews with Walton Goggins, and he always came across as a really cool guy. I would have understood if this was shot a few years ago, before he was known/successful, and was just coming out now to cash in on his success. He's at the point in his career now that he can pick and choose his projects, and this seems like a bad choice.
Second, the ideal - and obvious choice - to play Santa Claus in this was Paul F. (F for Fucking National Treasure) Tompkins.
posted by Anoplura at 9:39 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
Second, the ideal - and obvious choice - to play Santa Claus in this was Paul F. (F for Fucking National Treasure) Tompkins.
posted by Anoplura at 9:39 PM on October 8, 2020 [2 favorites]
Prior to watching the sequel, I thought this would be a movie about the Manhattan Project, with Mel Gibson as the quasi-antagonist Leslie Groves and Walton Goggins as... a hesitant, conflicted Louis Slotin, perhaps?
I give Hollywood far too much credit.
My editors will probably assign me to cover this at some point. Fortunately, however, Ruthless Reviews has some ethical principles, so at the moment we're not covering new cinematic releases until the plague is over. If anyone's interested, we're mostly trying to build comprehensive coverage of the Coen Brothers and Alfred Hitchcock.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 12:16 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
I give Hollywood far too much credit.
My editors will probably assign me to cover this at some point. Fortunately, however, Ruthless Reviews has some ethical principles, so at the moment we're not covering new cinematic releases until the plague is over. If anyone's interested, we're mostly trying to build comprehensive coverage of the Coen Brothers and Alfred Hitchcock.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 12:16 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
rhizome: "This is definitely a 2019 film that got held back from release after the studio saw what got made."
And once 2020 got underway, they said: bingo! it's our time.
[SANTA is an anagram for SATAN, of course, so Mel is on-brand.]
posted by chavenet at 12:51 AM on October 9, 2020
And once 2020 got underway, they said: bingo! it's our time.
[SANTA is an anagram for SATAN, of course, so Mel is on-brand.]
posted by chavenet at 12:51 AM on October 9, 2020
who was caught with over 1lb of cocaine back in the 70s and ratted out other dealers to get sentenced in a federal court when he was facing life in prison at the state level.
I don't understand, which bit is the problem? Dealing cocaine? Ratting out dealers? If feels like whether you're for or against cocaine availability, this guy is both good and bad.
posted by Dysk at 1:17 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
I don't understand, which bit is the problem? Dealing cocaine? Ratting out dealers? If feels like whether you're for or against cocaine availability, this guy is both good and bad.
posted by Dysk at 1:17 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
Dealing cocaine is bad. Betraying your colleagues is also bad.
It shows that Allen is an amoral opportunist.
I’d personally be much more willing to confide in, hire, or work with someone who quietly did their time and didn’t narc on others.
But also, being a “law and order” Trump supporter after seeing that system up close and personal is some stunning lack of self-reflection.
posted by explosion at 5:04 AM on October 9, 2020
It shows that Allen is an amoral opportunist.
I’d personally be much more willing to confide in, hire, or work with someone who quietly did their time and didn’t narc on others.
But also, being a “law and order” Trump supporter after seeing that system up close and personal is some stunning lack of self-reflection.
posted by explosion at 5:04 AM on October 9, 2020
Oh {deep sigh}. Yet again, another of my favourite movies or TV series has either been remade into something very inferior, or something quite similar (and also inferior) has come along and will probably get a much larger audience or awareness. Utopia, In Order of Dissapearance, OldBoy. Not even going to go there on Battle Royale (all trailers too violent to link to) coming before The Hunger Games, but... {deep sigh}
If you want an action packed Christmas movie set with a scary Santa set in his real homeland Finland, watch Rare Exports instead.
Yes! As several MeFites above have noted.
The original seven minute self-contained Rare Exports short on Vimeo is a blast (contains male nudity). Enjoy!
posted by Wordshore at 6:47 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
If you want an action packed Christmas movie set with a scary Santa set in his real homeland Finland, watch Rare Exports instead.
Yes! As several MeFites above have noted.
The original seven minute self-contained Rare Exports short on Vimeo is a blast (contains male nudity). Enjoy!
posted by Wordshore at 6:47 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
Not sure who the expected audience for this movie is, but it's not me.
I might reconsider, however, if Santa is backed up by the six to eight black men from David Sedaris's story.
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 6:51 AM on October 9, 2020
I might reconsider, however, if Santa is backed up by the six to eight black men from David Sedaris's story.
posted by Ben Trismegistus at 6:51 AM on October 9, 2020
Dealing cocaine is bad. Betraying your colleagues is also bad.
Snitches get stitches, got it. Great look.
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:07 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
Snitches get stitches, got it. Great look.
posted by grumpybear69 at 7:07 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
I see Mel Gibson is still a Fuckhead.
posted by Faintdreams at 7:22 AM on October 9, 2020
posted by Faintdreams at 7:22 AM on October 9, 2020
Also Walton Goggins, and Marianne Jean-Baptiste are far better than this material.
What the hell happened to make them make .. this?
posted by Faintdreams at 7:23 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
What the hell happened to make them make .. this?
posted by Faintdreams at 7:23 AM on October 9, 2020 [1 favorite]
What the hell happened to make them make .. this?
A big cheque.
posted by Dysk at 9:29 AM on October 9, 2020
A big cheque.
posted by Dysk at 9:29 AM on October 9, 2020
Snitches get stitches, got it. Great look.
He helped send 20 other people to prison for doing...exactly what he himself had done. Only 4 of them were described as major dealers. That's not a particularly great look either.
Mel Gibson is a least a completely transparent asshole. Tim Allen is the kind of asshole that gets your mother to like him so much she won't believe you when you tell her what he is really like.
posted by srboisvert at 9:29 AM on October 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
He helped send 20 other people to prison for doing...exactly what he himself had done. Only 4 of them were described as major dealers. That's not a particularly great look either.
Mel Gibson is a least a completely transparent asshole. Tim Allen is the kind of asshole that gets your mother to like him so much she won't believe you when you tell her what he is really like.
posted by srboisvert at 9:29 AM on October 9, 2020 [3 favorites]
What the hell happened to make them make .. this?
A big cheque.
[On Jaws 4] "I have never seen the film, but by all accounts it was terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." --Michael Caine
posted by mstokes650 at 9:46 AM on October 9, 2020 [7 favorites]
A big cheque.
[On Jaws 4] "I have never seen the film, but by all accounts it was terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific." --Michael Caine
posted by mstokes650 at 9:46 AM on October 9, 2020 [7 favorites]
> Cancel culture, folks.
Is that a declarative or an imperative statement?
posted by glonous keming at 11:13 AM on October 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
Is that a declarative or an imperative statement?
posted by glonous keming at 11:13 AM on October 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
For a moment I thought Gibson had somehow roped in Kevin Smith (his podcast is called Fatman Beyond) into some heinous shit 😨
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:54 AM on October 9, 2020
posted by Foci for Analysis at 11:54 AM on October 9, 2020
For those craving more Goggins and less Gibson, a documentary: John Bronco
posted by Going To Maine at 1:08 PM on October 9, 2020
posted by Going To Maine at 1:08 PM on October 9, 2020
this sounds so bad and I definitely will not be seeing it. but seriously if you have not seen Justified, watch it! Walton Goggins is SOOOOOOO good.
posted by supermedusa at 1:12 PM on October 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 1:12 PM on October 9, 2020 [2 favorites]
If this were a joke trailer it would be reasonably funny, in a silly way, but the idea of seeing it stretched out to feature length does not spark joy.
Also, why is anyone still willing to work with Mel Gibson?
posted by The Manwich Horror at 8:44 AM on October 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
Also, why is anyone still willing to work with Mel Gibson?
posted by The Manwich Horror at 8:44 AM on October 10, 2020 [1 favorite]
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