a gentler time
October 16, 2020 8:44 AM Subscribe
Before it was a movie, Mars Attacks was a set of 55 narrative trading cards, depicting the brutal invasion of Earth by aliens and the equally vicious Earthman reprisal. Here's all of them. (cw: graphic violence, sexual assault, racism, a dog gets fucking melted, seriously be warned)
Tim Burton should have stopped with Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I mean, Edward Scissorhands was pretty good, too, but PWBA is the only work of true genius. I remember walking out of Mars Attacks and thinking WTF? and WHY? But I guess the Garbage Pail Kids got a movie in 1987, so why not? Maybe John Waters could have wrung some value out of this trashy pulp, but probably not.
posted by rikschell at 9:29 AM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by rikschell at 9:29 AM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
I would have loved those as a kid. I love them now. It's interesting how interplanetary war pretty much goes the same way as regular war among humans.
posted by 2N2222 at 9:34 AM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by 2N2222 at 9:34 AM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
I think rikschell may be a Martian.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:36 AM on October 16, 2020 [33 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:36 AM on October 16, 2020 [33 favorites]
Ha! I was just looking at these a couple weeks ago. Who thought this would be a good idea? Dogs being murdered? Rapey aliens?! Let us put this all in a bubblegum card set!
The Barbarians at the Gate sentiment of the 50s was really odd. I don't even want to pull apart why a Martian would want to rape a human. They're grotesque to us, should the same be true for them? Why would they even have a sexual attraction to us? Least of all, they're in a spacesuit!
The Tim Burton movie had great special effects that stood the test of time. Still kind of a one trick pony and didn't flesh out much of a plot. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good.
posted by geoff. at 9:37 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
The Barbarians at the Gate sentiment of the 50s was really odd. I don't even want to pull apart why a Martian would want to rape a human. They're grotesque to us, should the same be true for them? Why would they even have a sexual attraction to us? Least of all, they're in a spacesuit!
The Tim Burton movie had great special effects that stood the test of time. Still kind of a one trick pony and didn't flesh out much of a plot. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good.
posted by geoff. at 9:37 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Me too, 2N2222. It was great excavating this story in bits and pieces, assembling the images across various fan publications.
posted by doctornemo at 9:38 AM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by doctornemo at 9:38 AM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
THE CATERPILLAR THAT ATE PARIS
posted by Going To Maine at 9:48 AM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by Going To Maine at 9:48 AM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
Talk about low-hanging fruit; The movie was basically story-boarded out for them!
posted by ArgentCorvid at 10:08 AM on October 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by ArgentCorvid at 10:08 AM on October 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
Tim Burton was not the only one to have a take on this property
There was also a pinball machine from Bally (about a year before the movie) as well as a sequel a few years later.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:12 AM on October 16, 2020 [7 favorites]
There was also a pinball machine from Bally (about a year before the movie) as well as a sequel a few years later.
posted by JoeZydeco at 10:12 AM on October 16, 2020 [7 favorites]
I kind of liked the movie. It wasn't high art or anything, but it was goofy and entertaining.
"I want the people to know that they still have 2 out of 3 branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad." That's better than 2020...
posted by Foosnark at 10:12 AM on October 16, 2020 [43 favorites]
"I want the people to know that they still have 2 out of 3 branches of the government working for them, and that ain't bad." That's better than 2020...
posted by Foosnark at 10:12 AM on October 16, 2020 [43 favorites]
It was looking pretty rough for humans until card 46 kinda turns it all around.
I want these to be made into a concept metal album.
quack quack!
posted by slimepuppy at 10:14 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
I want these to be made into a concept metal album.
quack quack!
posted by slimepuppy at 10:14 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Good job, Martian High Command, wasting time crushing the Empire State Building and terrorizing rural communities, and leaving our interplanetary launch facilities capable of sending entire armored divisions back your way.
Good job, Earth fighters, on doing basically zero orbital recon and therefore being somehow surprised at the sight of the Martian cities you approach on foot.
posted by pykrete jungle at 10:15 AM on October 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
Good job, Earth fighters, on doing basically zero orbital recon and therefore being somehow surprised at the sight of the Martian cities you approach on foot.
posted by pykrete jungle at 10:15 AM on October 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
Lurid! The original doomscrolling.
posted by dmh at 10:15 AM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by dmh at 10:15 AM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
Absolutely bonkers. The happy ending is effectively the "winning" scenario for nuclear warfare - "we were hurt incredibly badly, but we killed literally all of them." Turns out 1960s realpolitik is just as insane in trading card format as it was in real life.
posted by ZaphodB at 10:20 AM on October 16, 2020 [14 favorites]
posted by ZaphodB at 10:20 AM on October 16, 2020 [14 favorites]
I like the thumbs-up as humans fly away from an exploding Mars. Even if most of humanity was either melted by atomic ray guns or devoured by megainsects, the important thing is to stay cheerful. At least until bits of The Planet Formerly Known As Mars fly into Earth's atmosphere.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:23 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:23 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Thanks for the content warning. I didn't want to see any of those things this morning. Content warnings should drop f-bombs more often.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:29 AM on October 16, 2020
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:29 AM on October 16, 2020
GIANT ROBOT
posted by jquinby at 10:33 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by jquinby at 10:33 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
I like that the Checklist has a checkbox for Checklist
posted by oulipian at 10:34 AM on October 16, 2020 [26 favorites]
posted by oulipian at 10:34 AM on October 16, 2020 [26 favorites]
MetaFilter: a dog gets fucking melted
posted by neroli at 10:38 AM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by neroli at 10:38 AM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
Turns out I AM a Martian, just one from the Expanse, not this dreck.
posted by rikschell at 10:42 AM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by rikschell at 10:42 AM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Sorry, please continue to enjoy. I just was REALLY bewildered by that movie. No judgment on you if you liked it. :)
posted by rikschell at 10:44 AM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by rikschell at 10:44 AM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
No worries, just had to get in my silly joke. Different strokes...
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:48 AM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:48 AM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Tim Burton should have stopped with Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I mean, Edward Scissorhands was pretty good, too, but PWBA is the only work of true genius.
You're overlooking Ed Wood.
The pinball games (and, sadly, slot machine) are Attack From Mars, not Mars Attacks. The first pinball machine is regarded as one of the best of all time.
posted by JHarris at 10:49 AM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
You're overlooking Ed Wood.
The pinball games (and, sadly, slot machine) are Attack From Mars, not Mars Attacks. The first pinball machine is regarded as one of the best of all time.
posted by JHarris at 10:49 AM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
If you want to hear why some people genuinely like the movie, I very much enjoyed the Blank Check episode about it, featuring king of podcasts Paul F Tompkins.
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:50 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:50 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
Absolutely bonkers. The happy ending is effectively the "winning" scenario for nuclear warfare - "we were hurt incredibly badly, but we killed literally all of them.
I'm not sure today everyone realizes just how much the spectre of total war in the 1940s dominated daily life. I grew up in the 70s, and the Big War was almost a daily conversation topic. We didn't talk about Nam until the 80s, but WWII was in our minds every day.
If you came form an American working class family, almost every adult male had fought in a foreign war going back three generations. The effect on the countries ravaged in those wars must have been even more striking.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:54 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
I'm not sure today everyone realizes just how much the spectre of total war in the 1940s dominated daily life. I grew up in the 70s, and the Big War was almost a daily conversation topic. We didn't talk about Nam until the 80s, but WWII was in our minds every day.
If you came form an American working class family, almost every adult male had fought in a foreign war going back three generations. The effect on the countries ravaged in those wars must have been even more striking.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:54 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
OK sure a lot of these are tasteless but I would absolutely put this one on my wall as a poster. Sacre bleu!
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:58 AM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by showbiz_liz at 10:58 AM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
Weird sexual undertones and blatant anti-Chinese racism aside, these are pretty great and I would have absolutely loved these as a kid. I like that they literally tell a pulpy story on the back side of the cards, rather than just having the images.
posted by asnider at 10:59 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by asnider at 10:59 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
"The huge spiders were perhaps the ugliest and most frightening of all the giant insects."
I demand more factual accuracy in my bonkers collectors' cards fiction dammit
posted by solotoro at 11:03 AM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
I demand more factual accuracy in my bonkers collectors' cards fiction dammit
posted by solotoro at 11:03 AM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
Tim Burton should have stopped with Pee Wee's Big Adventure. I mean, Edward Scissorhands was pretty good, too, but PWBA is the only work of true genius.
Ed Wood is Tim Burton's best film by far. Change my mind.
posted by nushustu at 11:07 AM on October 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
Ed Wood is Tim Burton's best film by far. Change my mind.
posted by nushustu at 11:07 AM on October 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
I collected them all, at the time, slotting dimes into the machine which dispensed a random few, in a packet. So refreshingly different from the baseball cards my brothers were interested in. So crude now, the imagery; but the story's still great. At least, the beginning and the end. Too much in the middle with the giant insects. This was grade school and the other collectors and other guys would stand around in a huddle at recess inspecting them, as I flashed one, and then another.
posted by Rash at 11:07 AM on October 16, 2020 [16 favorites]
posted by Rash at 11:07 AM on October 16, 2020 [16 favorites]
Not enough ACK ACK
posted by procrastination at 11:13 AM on October 16, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by procrastination at 11:13 AM on October 16, 2020 [11 favorites]
The Martians watching the world burn over cocktails is by far the most realistic one.
posted by Reyturner at 11:14 AM on October 16, 2020 [17 favorites]
posted by Reyturner at 11:14 AM on October 16, 2020 [17 favorites]
> Reyturner:
"The Martians watching the world burn over cocktails is by far the most realistic one."
It's doing the DiCaprio point!
posted by ArgentCorvid at 11:20 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
"The Martians watching the world burn over cocktails is by far the most realistic one."
It's doing the DiCaprio point!
posted by ArgentCorvid at 11:20 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
Good job, Earth fighters, on doing basically zero orbital recon and therefore being somehow surprised at the sight of the Martian cities you approach on foot.
It's a good thing the Earth fighters weren't delayed in their launch or anything because then the entire planet of Mars would have blown up on its own without any opportunity for humans to go mess things up for the Martians first.
posted by aubilenon at 11:27 AM on October 16, 2020 [7 favorites]
It's a good thing the Earth fighters weren't delayed in their launch or anything because then the entire planet of Mars would have blown up on its own without any opportunity for humans to go mess things up for the Martians first.
posted by aubilenon at 11:27 AM on October 16, 2020 [7 favorites]
These are great, thanks for posting.
Speaking of gentler times, I was instructing some folks in TCP/IP protocols after the movie came out. The SYN/ACK packet process was still underway when kids around the room began individually going ACK! ACKACK!
Another time, after having spent too much time working closely together and having said ALL the words to each other twice over, a coworker and I resorted to:
a) Schizopolis style morning small talk.
b) describing present conditions with non-linguistic media impressions. "whatcha doin over there" could be answered with some syllables of Teacher-from-Peanuts muted trombone honks, which meant "oh, just some Administrative bullshit". One indicated being frustrated or under pressure with one's current task by replying "ACK! ACKACK!" in Martian.
posted by bartleby at 11:36 AM on October 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
Speaking of gentler times, I was instructing some folks in TCP/IP protocols after the movie came out. The SYN/ACK packet process was still underway when kids around the room began individually going ACK! ACKACK!
Another time, after having spent too much time working closely together and having said ALL the words to each other twice over, a coworker and I resorted to:
a) Schizopolis style morning small talk.
b) describing present conditions with non-linguistic media impressions. "whatcha doin over there" could be answered with some syllables of Teacher-from-Peanuts muted trombone honks, which meant "oh, just some Administrative bullshit". One indicated being frustrated or under pressure with one's current task by replying "ACK! ACKACK!" in Martian.
posted by bartleby at 11:36 AM on October 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
There was also Destroy all Humans, which cribbed from many of the same nostalgic tropes and ironies as the Burton film.
Tim Burton is like Wes Anderson - they're both very good at certain things, but if you don't care for those things, you won't like their films.
posted by aspersioncast at 11:43 AM on October 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
Tim Burton is like Wes Anderson - they're both very good at certain things, but if you don't care for those things, you won't like their films.
posted by aspersioncast at 11:43 AM on October 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
I think it's unfair to say Burton should've stopped after PWBA. Ed Wood is, seriously, a really brilliant film. Maybe his best.
posted by Chickenring at 11:57 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by Chickenring at 11:57 AM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
I think Beetlejuice is the one that balances out, in a Beatlesque kinda way.
posted by valkane at 12:10 PM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by valkane at 12:10 PM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
Woah, hold your horses there, thread derail fans. Ed Wood is indeed an amazing film, but you know what else came out after Pee Wee's Big Adventure? Beetlejuice. Please respect the Beetlejuice.
fun and dramatic dope bro content, centered around launching startups*
posted by phooky at 12:10 PM on October 16, 2020 [17 favorites]
fun and dramatic dope bro content, centered around launching startups*
posted by phooky at 12:10 PM on October 16, 2020 [17 favorites]
It's interesting how interplanetary war pretty much goes the same way as regular war among humans.
War. War never changes.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 12:28 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
War. War never changes.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 12:28 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
I love Mars Attacks!
posted by pracowity at 12:29 PM on October 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
posted by pracowity at 12:29 PM on October 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
Still waiting for "Spaceballs: the Trading Cards".
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:31 PM on October 16, 2020 [10 favorites]
posted by oneswellfoop at 12:31 PM on October 16, 2020 [10 favorites]
Ed Wood is Tim Burton's best film by far. Change my mind.
No.
posted by saturday_morning at 12:33 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
No.
posted by saturday_morning at 12:33 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
I'm not saying Burton's "Sweeney Todd" was a great adaptation, but it was pretty decent.
posted by acrasis at 12:34 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by acrasis at 12:34 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Realistically, the Martians didn't do much more damage than your average super-hero/super-villain fight.
This card set would be MUCH better if it just ended with the Martians winning, grimdark in bubblegum form. (I mean, the human victory is so stupid given everything that came before it in the story.)
posted by maxwelton at 12:39 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
This card set would be MUCH better if it just ended with the Martians winning, grimdark in bubblegum form. (I mean, the human victory is so stupid given everything that came before it in the story.)
posted by maxwelton at 12:39 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
They're grotesque to us, should the same be true for them? Why would they even have a sexual attraction to us?
I think it's been pretty clearly established that Mars Needs Women. And that apparently Earth Girls Are Easy.
posted by GuyZero at 12:39 PM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
I think it's been pretty clearly established that Mars Needs Women. And that apparently Earth Girls Are Easy.
posted by GuyZero at 12:39 PM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
there's also the fairly-gross knock-off/homage/follow-up Dinosaurs Attack! (with some Art Spiegleman involvement).
If this is a vote, I liked most every Tim Burton film that I've seen. Ed Wood did deserve an Oscar for best picture (Martin Landau scored). Mars Attacks is probably the best violent ironic film to feature the music of Slim Whitman. I vaguely recall it being in theatres at the same time as Starship Troopers.
posted by ovvl at 12:40 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
If this is a vote, I liked most every Tim Burton film that I've seen. Ed Wood did deserve an Oscar for best picture (Martin Landau scored). Mars Attacks is probably the best violent ironic film to feature the music of Slim Whitman. I vaguely recall it being in theatres at the same time as Starship Troopers.
posted by ovvl at 12:40 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
The Martians watching the world burn over cocktails is by far the most realistic one.
Is that... Earth and the moon in the background landscape? Like 1000% bigger than they should be? Apparently this takes place in a much smaller solar system... I guess that explains how the Earthmen are able to counter-invade so quickly.
posted by oulipian at 12:43 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Is that... Earth and the moon in the background landscape? Like 1000% bigger than they should be? Apparently this takes place in a much smaller solar system... I guess that explains how the Earthmen are able to counter-invade so quickly.
posted by oulipian at 12:43 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Obviously they've got the enhance setting on.
posted by valkane at 12:48 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by valkane at 12:48 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Cripes these are brutal!
I remember seeing Mars Attacks in the theater while really stoned and getting freaked out about how scary it would be if the movie were true and aliens were actually attacking Earth. Strong weed.
posted by Liquidwolf at 12:51 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
I remember seeing Mars Attacks in the theater while really stoned and getting freaked out about how scary it would be if the movie were true and aliens were actually attacking Earth. Strong weed.
posted by Liquidwolf at 12:51 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Lotta good band names in there. I might use Victims of the Bug.
posted by outfielder at 12:58 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by outfielder at 12:58 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
The pinball games (and, sadly, slot machine) are Attack From Mars, not Mars Attacks.
What, did you think we were going to actually pay for a license when we could avoid it? =)
posted by mookoz at 1:03 PM on October 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
What, did you think we were going to actually pay for a license when we could avoid it? =)
posted by mookoz at 1:03 PM on October 16, 2020 [4 favorites]
Hrm, I'm gonna miss Science Fiction Museum and Major Appliances - Fry's Electronics Burbank.
And Beetlejuice was the best movie because goth Winona Ryder's Lydia.... *drool*
posted by zengargoyle at 1:26 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
And Beetlejuice was the best movie because goth Winona Ryder's Lydia.... *drool*
posted by zengargoyle at 1:26 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Comment from an Old here. I was eight years old when these went round the playground at school, and they literally gave me nightmares for years, mostly about skeletons and flame rays. As I recall, they were confiscated by the teachers when found, and I for one was rather grateful for that. Mars Attacks was great fun though and nicely exorcised any lingering fears I might have had about martians in my 40s.
Looking at them now, they are still a little unsettling, although I had completely forgotten the giant bug ones, or else they didn't worry me so much. I did grow up to be an entomologist, after all. One thing I've always wondered about giant-insect attack films is why no-one ever thinks of deploying insecticides, especially in the early 60s. My dad was a gardener, and he used buckets of the stuff in those days.
Many years later, when I was watching Starship Troopers with my brother there is a scene when some officer presents the battle-worn soldiers with some barrels and he leaned over to me and whispered "DDT", which would have won the war on the spot. Alas, it turned out to be beer, which is effective for killing slugs, but useless against giant insects.
posted by Fuchsoid at 1:27 PM on October 16, 2020 [21 favorites]
Looking at them now, they are still a little unsettling, although I had completely forgotten the giant bug ones, or else they didn't worry me so much. I did grow up to be an entomologist, after all. One thing I've always wondered about giant-insect attack films is why no-one ever thinks of deploying insecticides, especially in the early 60s. My dad was a gardener, and he used buckets of the stuff in those days.
Many years later, when I was watching Starship Troopers with my brother there is a scene when some officer presents the battle-worn soldiers with some barrels and he leaned over to me and whispered "DDT", which would have won the war on the spot. Alas, it turned out to be beer, which is effective for killing slugs, but useless against giant insects.
posted by Fuchsoid at 1:27 PM on October 16, 2020 [21 favorites]
I put Mars Attacks in the same category as the first two Addams Family movies; not necessarily great cinema but weird fun in a lengthy comedy sketch sort of way. Not to mention, these movies are packed with good-to-great actors going absolutely full ham.
posted by Eikonaut at 1:33 PM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by Eikonaut at 1:33 PM on October 16, 2020 [8 favorites]
As so often happens, I went to look up the history of the artists behind these pieces and...oof. At least one of them didn't end well. CW for suicide if you go looking up Wally Wood's entry on Wikipedia. But he was an amazing artist.
I do have to wonder how this sort of idea evolves and grows. "So we want to capture the essence of the Cuban Missile Crisis...but we want to sell bubble gum, too. Saaaay, I have an idea!"
posted by offalark at 1:35 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
I do have to wonder how this sort of idea evolves and grows. "So we want to capture the essence of the Cuban Missile Crisis...but we want to sell bubble gum, too. Saaaay, I have an idea!"
posted by offalark at 1:35 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
The Martian buildings and mono-rails, which had taken years to build, were all gone.
I know we were impressed by monorails in the 20th century, but I can't remember why we were so impressed.
posted by bendybendy at 1:43 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
I know we were impressed by monorails in the 20th century, but I can't remember why we were so impressed.
posted by bendybendy at 1:43 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
Looking at them now, they are still a little unsettling, although I had completely forgotten the giant bug ones, or else they didn't worry me so much. I did grow up to be an entomologist, after all. One thing I've always wondered about giant-insect attack films is why no-one ever thinks of deploying insecticides, especially in the early 60s. My dad was a gardener, and he used buckets of the stuff in those days.
Many years later, when I was watching Starship Troopers with my brother there is a scene when some officer presents the battle-worn soldiers with some barrels and he leaned over to me and whispered "DDT", which would have won the war on the spot. Alas, it turned out to be beer, which is effective for killing slugs, but useless against giant insects.
My grandpa was an entomologist who joined up in WWII as, basically, an exterminator with the medical corps. He and others like him were responsible for DDTing the hell out of pests and parasites in Army camps, and programs like that were the reason it was (if I remember right) the first modern war where fewer soldiers died from disease than from combat. My grandma would say he "fought the war with a Flit gun."
Now I'm imagining a scenario where evil alien bugs happen to invade during WWII and the medical exterminators are suddenly the front-line combat troops, and maybe I need to write this idea up...
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:57 PM on October 16, 2020 [10 favorites]
Many years later, when I was watching Starship Troopers with my brother there is a scene when some officer presents the battle-worn soldiers with some barrels and he leaned over to me and whispered "DDT", which would have won the war on the spot. Alas, it turned out to be beer, which is effective for killing slugs, but useless against giant insects.
My grandpa was an entomologist who joined up in WWII as, basically, an exterminator with the medical corps. He and others like him were responsible for DDTing the hell out of pests and parasites in Army camps, and programs like that were the reason it was (if I remember right) the first modern war where fewer soldiers died from disease than from combat. My grandma would say he "fought the war with a Flit gun."
Now I'm imagining a scenario where evil alien bugs happen to invade during WWII and the medical exterminators are suddenly the front-line combat troops, and maybe I need to write this idea up...
posted by showbiz_liz at 1:57 PM on October 16, 2020 [10 favorites]
Still waiting for "Spaceballs: the Trading Cards".
I did run across someone wearing Spaceballs: The Mask about a week ago.
posted by ckape at 2:02 PM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
I did run across someone wearing Spaceballs: The Mask about a week ago.
posted by ckape at 2:02 PM on October 16, 2020 [6 favorites]
The Martians come off as tryhards though. Heat rays AND robots AND giant bugs AND shrink rays? Geez guys, dial it t back a little.
posted by emjaybee at 2:14 PM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 2:14 PM on October 16, 2020 [9 favorites]
These can't be real!
posted by monkeymike at 2:20 PM on October 16, 2020
posted by monkeymike at 2:20 PM on October 16, 2020
THE END
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 2:27 PM on October 16, 2020
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 2:27 PM on October 16, 2020
If there's one thing I've learned from MST3K, it's that in the '50s and early '60s, giant bugs was a winning formula for sci-fi/horror. Giant mantis? Check. Giant locusts? Check. Giant spiders? Of course! Giant leeches? Yes please! Giant lobster? Not exactly a bug but close enough, gotta have it! And sci-fi/horror could only be improved by mixing and matching. Try-hard they are, but it also feels a bit like sci-fi stone soup: start with "Martian invasion" and just start adding delicious ingredients, it's bound to be good in the end!
posted by biogeo at 2:33 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 2:33 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
Heat rays AND Freeze rays. Pick a thermodynamic limit guys, and stick to it.
posted by bonehead at 2:37 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by bonehead at 2:37 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
I didn't really enjoy Mars Attacks until after I watched Ed Wood, and then watched a bunch of Ed Wood's own films. My pet theory is that Mars Attacks was Burton's answer to the question I (as a 'Bad Movie' fan) should have been asking: What film would Ed Wood make if he had $100M and access to almost every major star in Hollywood?
posted by WaylandSmith at 2:40 PM on October 16, 2020 [11 favorites]
posted by WaylandSmith at 2:40 PM on October 16, 2020 [11 favorites]
I don't know what kind of appeal to authority this is, but I assembled Mars Attacks in 35mm from makeup table to platter, from how ever many reels it came in, sealed from the distributor. In a darkened, empty, rural WY movie theater, strung out on trucker ephedrine and sour patch kids, that movie was fucking great.
And I'll tell ya, I knew about those cards in the 90s; I remember them distinctly. But I knew Tim Burton too, and between Beetlejuice and Batman, I was totally sold. I don't know how 40-yo me would have thought about it, but late-teens me was so on board.
posted by aspersioncast at 2:53 PM on October 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
And I'll tell ya, I knew about those cards in the 90s; I remember them distinctly. But I knew Tim Burton too, and between Beetlejuice and Batman, I was totally sold. I don't know how 40-yo me would have thought about it, but late-teens me was so on board.
posted by aspersioncast at 2:53 PM on October 16, 2020 [13 favorites]
MetaFilter: Heat rays AND Freeze rays. Pick a thermodynamic limit guys, and stick to it.
posted by New Frontier at 3:18 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by New Frontier at 3:18 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Mars Attacks! is the best Tim Burton movie by far and I will laser all of you, leaving smoking green skeletons in my wake. It has a lot to teach us, about, like how teepees were better in a lot of ways, and how 2 +2 can sometimes equal 5.
posted by benzenedream at 3:22 PM on October 16, 2020 [7 favorites]
posted by benzenedream at 3:22 PM on October 16, 2020 [7 favorites]
I love Tim Burton films. Some are better than others, of course, but any of his work is for me, a good time. I think that he makes movies for a particular kind of person, and I, apparently, am it.
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:41 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:41 PM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]
why yes I am wearing thigh-high stripey socks right now, why do you ask?
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:43 PM on October 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 3:43 PM on October 16, 2020 [12 favorites]
I am grateful to the film for keeping the tune of Indian Love Call alive in the popular imagination. It had been too many years since Pandemonium.
posted by bartleby at 3:49 PM on October 16, 2020
posted by bartleby at 3:49 PM on October 16, 2020
Still waiting for "Spaceballs: the Trading Cards".
Maybe this will tide you over until then.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 4:06 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
Maybe this will tide you over until then.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 4:06 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
On the subject of underrated middle-to-late period Tim Burton movies, in the last few years Sleepy Hollow has become an early October tradition with me. It's kind of the perfect Autumnal, spookily atmospheric film to kick off the Halloween season.
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:20 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
posted by Atom Eyes at 4:20 PM on October 16, 2020 [5 favorites]
As so often happens, I went to look up the history of the artists behind these pieces and...oof. At least one of them didn't end well. CW for suicide if you go looking up Wally Wood's entry on Wikipedia. But he was an amazing artist.
Did Wally Wood do these? He was an amazing cartoonist/illustrator. This looks like his kind of thing, he did x-rated comics along with more mainstream kid friendly stuff.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:25 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Did Wally Wood do these? He was an amazing cartoonist/illustrator. This looks like his kind of thing, he did x-rated comics along with more mainstream kid friendly stuff.
posted by Liquidwolf at 4:25 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
My takeaway: cities are apparently bad. The Enemy is coming for the cities. Cities are dangerous for your family. Families need to go to the countryside for safety.
posted by Monochrome at 4:43 PM on October 16, 2020
posted by Monochrome at 4:43 PM on October 16, 2020
Also, apparently the Eiffel Tower is regularly besieged by hurricanes?
posted by Monochrome at 4:46 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by Monochrome at 4:46 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
So around card #28 or so it goes from big-brained space-suited martians to giant bugs. Is that explained somewhere or is that something we all know just flows naturally?
posted by rtimmel at 5:02 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by rtimmel at 5:02 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
> The pinball games (and, sadly, slot machine) are Attack From Mars, not Mars Attacks.
What, did you think we were going to actually pay for a license when we could avoid it? =)
Wow, I just checked and you've worked on some of my favorite games! I particularly like Ripley's, Monopoly and No Good Gofers, the last of which I've been spending weeks on in the Pinball FX 3 recreation. Glad to see you're around!
posted by JHarris at 5:09 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
What, did you think we were going to actually pay for a license when we could avoid it? =)
Wow, I just checked and you've worked on some of my favorite games! I particularly like Ripley's, Monopoly and No Good Gofers, the last of which I've been spending weeks on in the Pinball FX 3 recreation. Glad to see you're around!
posted by JHarris at 5:09 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
My takeaway: cities are apparently bad. The Enemy is coming for the cities. Cities are dangerous for your family. Families need to go to the countryside for safety.
Just try to avoid the melting cows.
posted by freakazoid at 6:17 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
Just try to avoid the melting cows.
posted by freakazoid at 6:17 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
Did Wally Wood do these?
I was all ready to say No Way! but Wikipedia says
I was all ready to say No Way! but Wikipedia says
The cards feature artwork by science fiction artists Wally Wood and Norman Saunders.posted by Rash at 6:34 PM on October 16, 2020
Just try to avoid the melting cows.
Hey, the Melting Cows was a great band!
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:53 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Hey, the Melting Cows was a great band!
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:53 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
The monstrous sea monkeys of Frankenweenie (2012) seem to owe a debt to these cards as well...
posted by Bob Regular at 8:14 PM on October 16, 2020
posted by Bob Regular at 8:14 PM on October 16, 2020
crazy coincidence! An awesome old friend of mine that worked on Mars Attacks just posted this to her insta. She is so damn cool!
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:23 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by 5_13_23_42_69_666 at 10:23 PM on October 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
A few addenda:
- There have been reissues of the cards, including one in the nineties that included some extras called "The Unpublished 11", which supposedly were some that were too nasty to be included in the original set; they included "Naked and the Dead" (giant bug invades women's sauna, and is holding a severed head in its jaws while a nude woman cowers nearby), "Blasted Into Oblivion" (Martians strap humans to the front of their artillery; one guy has already been blown in half); "Unspeakable Experiments" (about what you'd guess); "Slaughter in the Suburbs" (ditto).
- The end of the movie is in part a tribute to the movie This Island Earth; the Martians' general look owe a lot to the "Mutant" of that movie.
- Even though there's too little time between the releases of the movie and Independence Day for the latter to have influenced the former (ID4 came out in June of '96, MA! in December of the same year), I wonder if someone in Tim Burton's office got ahold of Devlin and Emmerlich's script; they share a fair amount of DNA.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:25 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
- There have been reissues of the cards, including one in the nineties that included some extras called "The Unpublished 11", which supposedly were some that were too nasty to be included in the original set; they included "Naked and the Dead" (giant bug invades women's sauna, and is holding a severed head in its jaws while a nude woman cowers nearby), "Blasted Into Oblivion" (Martians strap humans to the front of their artillery; one guy has already been blown in half); "Unspeakable Experiments" (about what you'd guess); "Slaughter in the Suburbs" (ditto).
- The end of the movie is in part a tribute to the movie This Island Earth; the Martians' general look owe a lot to the "Mutant" of that movie.
- Even though there's too little time between the releases of the movie and Independence Day for the latter to have influenced the former (ID4 came out in June of '96, MA! in December of the same year), I wonder if someone in Tim Burton's office got ahold of Devlin and Emmerlich's script; they share a fair amount of DNA.
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:25 PM on October 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
I remember kind of rooting for the movie, as most people were shitting on it. It was, like many movies, a mixed bag, with some good scenes mixed in with bad ones. I think the tone was just a bit confused and confusing; is it a dark comedy? An action movie? Sci-fi? Horror?
posted by zardoz at 1:13 AM on October 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by zardoz at 1:13 AM on October 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
I'd forgotten how many famous faces were in the movie.
They blew up congress, hahaha!
Cathartic.
posted by Acey at 3:46 AM on October 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
They blew up congress, hahaha!
Cathartic.
posted by Acey at 3:46 AM on October 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
I remember kind of rooting for the movie, as most people were shitting on it. It was, like many movies, a mixed bag, with some good scenes mixed in with bad ones. I think the tone was just a bit confused and confusing; is it a dark comedy? An action movie? Sci-fi? Horror?
posted by zardoz
Eponysterical!
posted by Piso Mojado at 11:55 AM on October 17, 2020 [6 favorites]
posted by zardoz
Eponysterical!
posted by Piso Mojado at 11:55 AM on October 17, 2020 [6 favorites]
→
One comes out one end and the other comes out the other, vortex tube-style.
posted by scruss at 12:18 PM on October 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
MetaFilter: Heat rays AND Freeze rays. Pick a thermodynamic limit guys, and stick to it.
One comes out one end and the other comes out the other, vortex tube-style.
posted by scruss at 12:18 PM on October 17, 2020 [2 favorites]
"Blasted Into Oblivion" (Martians strap humans to the front of their artillery; one guy has already been blown in half)
Which of course was done by the British in real life to captured mutineers during the Great Mutiny in India.
posted by MartinWisse at 10:55 AM on October 18, 2020
Which of course was done by the British in real life to captured mutineers during the Great Mutiny in India.
posted by MartinWisse at 10:55 AM on October 18, 2020
I got less than five minutes into the film Mars Attacks before I concluded it was a genre parody, and the only way to really enjoy it was make witty remarks too loudly, like at Rocky Horror Picture Show. Turns out the opening-weekend crowd did not appreciate this approach. I apologize. I was young and dumb.
(But I had already formed the opinion that Pierce Brosnan was more of a pretty face than an actor, and when the Martians cut off his body so that his pretty face was all that remained of him, I was pretty much rolling on the floor.)
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 2:19 PM on October 18, 2020
(But I had already formed the opinion that Pierce Brosnan was more of a pretty face than an actor, and when the Martians cut off his body so that his pretty face was all that remained of him, I was pretty much rolling on the floor.)
posted by fantabulous timewaster at 2:19 PM on October 18, 2020
I used to have a set of Hamilton's Invaders when I was a kid that was from this era. Looking back I wish I had kept those, as they are worth money on ebay now.
posted by rfs at 10:38 AM on October 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by rfs at 10:38 AM on October 19, 2020 [1 favorite]
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posted by not_that_epiphanius at 8:54 AM on October 16, 2020 [3 favorites]