This week in strange animal news.

November 1, 2020 6:00 PM

Cougar checks itself into rehab. Monkey-slavery causes Costco to stop selling coconut milk. Man surprised by face head eating mauling leopard. Science says watching cute animals is good for human health.
posted by sardonyx (31 comments total)

‘E’s upstairs, forgin’ prescriptions for the soddin’ tiger.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:09 PM on November 1, 2020 [4 favorites]

Dwight Turner and the leopard's owner, Michael Poggi, 54, arranged for him to "play with it, rub its belly and take pictures" on Poggi's property in Davie, FWC said in a captive wildfire report.

After Poggi unlocked the leopard's cage, Dwight Turner entered and sat on a bench inside when the leopard "growled and attacked Mr. Turner biting him on the head and ear," said the FWC report.

So an altogether different kind of face-eating leopard party.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:33 PM on November 1, 2020 [4 favorites]

When I saw the leopard one, my immediate thought was: this needs to be posted to MetaFilter. Then I came across the monkey-slavery one, and that one surprised me. I didn't really think such a thing existed. Once again, 2020 delivers the strange and unbelievable.
posted by sardonyx at 6:49 PM on November 1, 2020 [3 favorites]

I feel compelled to link Duran Duran's song The Man Who Stole A Leopard here, because it's based on a true story.
posted by hippybear at 6:55 PM on November 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

As for the monkey labor issue, I had no idea PETA was doing anything that people took seriously. I thought they basically had become an organization for vegan shit-posting.
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:01 PM on November 1, 2020 [11 favorites]

Theppadungporn told USA Today that it has audited coconut plantations using a third party and shared a copy of the 14-page "Monkey-Free Coconut Due Diligence Assessment." The report says 64 farms out of 817 were randomly selected and "did not find the use of monkey for coconut harvesting."

That this is a thing is quite surprising. I mean, not impossible to believe, but surprising, even though it's a thing.

From 2015:

Why monkeys? Turns out a male monkey can collect an average of 1,600 coconuts per day and a female can get 600, while a human can only collect around 80 per day. It's also safer for a scampering, height-savvy monkey to pluck and drop the fruit from the trees — up to 80 feet tall — than a human, according to the National Primate Research Center at the University of Wisconsin, Madison.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:08 PM on November 1, 2020 [1 favorite]

My first expectation with that Duran Duran song was like Save a Prayer, but instead "save it for the morning after" it would be "the man who stole a leopard"
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 7:46 PM on November 1, 2020

Monkeys as slave labor picking coconuts is a longtime practice. As for people who say the monkeys aren't abused: the videos are out there, and it's no effort to find them.
posted by datawrangler at 7:54 PM on November 1, 2020 [6 favorites]

My first expectation with that Duran Duran song was like Save a Prayer, but instead "save it for the morning after" it would be "the man who stole a leopard"

Oh no
Not me
I never lost control
You're face-eating to face-eating
With the man who [Gong Show host runs towards gong & bangs it as enthusiastically as possible]
posted by taquito sunrise at 9:48 PM on November 1, 2020 [2 favorites]

As If the Platypus Couldn’t Get Any Weirder: "The platypus now joins a very exclusive club, as it’s one of only three known biofluorescent mammals, the other two being opossums and flying squirrels. That said, the platypus does stand alone as the only known monotreme, or egg-laying mammal, capable of pulling off this trick (the only other extant monotremes are four species of echidna). Of course, biofluorescence and bioluminescence is seen in many other organisms, such as fungi, fish, phytoplankton, reptiles, amphibians, and at least one species of tardigrade."

(paper: Biofluorescence in the platypus)
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:29 PM on November 1, 2020 [10 favorites]

Science says watching cute animals is good for human health.

Of course it is. In the midst of this emotionally fraught week, I offer you the blood pressure-lowering Furry Wombats Rolling Over - FUNNIEST Compilation, which I have been watching daily for months.
posted by pangolin party at 11:37 PM on November 1, 2020 [6 favorites]

You can pay money to get into the cages with the animals? That seems, without knowing very much, like a questionable idea and almost certainly a bad thing nobody should do. But, I'd be lying if I said it doesn't also sound like fun. I'm not going to look up what it would cost to spend an hour in the Australian nocturnal house or feed a giraffe.
posted by eotvos at 1:31 AM on November 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

...I offer you the blood pressure-lowering Furry Wombats Rolling Over...
posted by pangolin party

Epony-wrong-adorable-critter!
posted by bcd at 1:39 AM on November 2, 2020 [5 favorites]

As for people who say the monkeys aren't abused: the videos are out there, and it's no effort to find them.

Weirdly that isn't what I found when I googled "spanking the monkey".

Yes, I realize this is in incredibly poor taste, and I am sorry but apparently not sorry enough.
posted by Literaryhero at 2:48 AM on November 2, 2020 [7 favorites]

Now I have to listen to the past weekend's Wait Wait Don't Tell Me to see which ones of these made it into their show. I knew about 2 of them, but... wow... Are animal stories the new Rubicon?
posted by Nanukthedog at 3:19 AM on November 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

You can pay money to get into the cages with the animals?

I mean, you can if you’re dealing with the kind of asshole who keeps a wild animal in a cage in his personal backyard as a money-making scheme. A lot of US states allow personal ownership of big cats. They really shouldn’t — it’s cruel to the cats, and people also get hurt. Though I frankly have little sympathy for anyone who demands a “full contact” leopard experience and doesn’t realize that that includes full contact with teeth and claws.
posted by snowmentality at 4:34 AM on November 2, 2020 [8 favorites]

Thinking it unique, I was going to share a link about a local guy punching a black bear and getting slapped. Couldn't remember source so I searched and it's not unique. Punching a bear is the very best way to get slapped by one. Who knew?




.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 5:10 AM on November 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

You can pay money to get into the cages with the animals?

Back when I was more inconsiderate I went to the tiger place in Chiang Mai and got into the cages with giant tigers. I got some amazing pictures but honestly now whenever I see them or think about it I feel pretty sad. They swear up and down that they are taking good care of the animals but I really can't believe it.
posted by Literaryhero at 5:17 AM on November 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

Is it wrong to laugh at the Florida man who was mauled by a leopard? His head is completely wrapped in bandages like the Invisible Man.
posted by cazoo at 5:18 AM on November 2, 2020

Cougar checks itself into rehab.

An example of a sentence where the pronoun choice makes all the difference.

(I'll see myself out.)
posted by Philofacts at 5:31 AM on November 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

What's weird about the monkeys is that it seems... unnecessarily cruel. They're monkeys, if you teach em how and it gets them food they'll just fucking do it. They'll organize their friends and teach their kids.
posted by BS Artisan at 6:34 AM on November 2, 2020 [8 favorites]

Don't forget the egg-stealing gay penguins.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 9:40 AM on November 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is probably as good a place to leave this as any...

What a fluke: Dutch whale tail sculpture catches metro train
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 9:50 AM on November 2, 2020 [7 favorites]

What a fluke: Dutch whale tail sculpture catches metro train

Since it is clear that there were no injuries, there are two artistic options here:

Attach a Spider-Man mannequin to the front of the train to recreate the train scene from Spider-Man 2.

Attach a Mr. Incredible figure to the front of the train to recreate the train scene from the opening of The Incredibles.
posted by JDC8 at 10:38 AM on November 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

Or a confusing alternate ending to The Taking of Pelham 123.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:46 AM on November 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

Don't forget the egg-stealing gay penguins.

“After all, being a part of a pair and raising a chick is just deeply ingrained in being a penguin,” she said.
posted by medusa at 10:59 AM on November 2, 2020

Some outlets have the whale tail sculpture's original title as "Saved by the Whale's Tail."
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:33 AM on November 2, 2020

Oh jeez, why did I think the Costco monkey slavery story was going to be funny? Everything sucks, actually.
posted by grandiloquiet at 12:18 PM on November 2, 2020 [2 favorites]

I once watched an hour long special about Drone footage follows 10,000 ducks “cleaning” rice paddies in Thailand. It was oddly remarkable wherein some farmer goes out in the morning and whistles and all of these duck rush into the truck and go out to a rice paddy and rush out and eat bugs all day and then farmer whistles again and they all pile back into the truck to go home for the night. It's almost like some evil mastermind thing where maybe you raise killer ducks and just go "sick-em" and some poor soul is eaten alive by 10,000 ducks.
posted by zengargoyle at 1:20 PM on November 2, 2020 [8 favorites]

What a fluke: Dutch whale tail sculpture catches metro train

Wait for it...
posted by Morfil Ffyrnig at 5:34 PM on November 2, 2020 [1 favorite]

The headline has got this old song stuck in my head.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 6:58 PM on November 2, 2020