Find the bathtub.
November 12, 2020 6:35 AM   Subscribe

A lot of people look at real estate house tours for fun. But the 3D tour for this house in Louisville, Kentucky is something else altogether. For one thing, it feels like a vertigo-inducing Escher drawing. It has 3 bedrooms, 4 half-baths, and one enormous crypt-like bathtub room. If you can find it. It's been called "the best accidental video game of 2020".

Andy Baio has more info on the house, and its owners. [via kottke]
posted by Mchelly (73 comments total) 42 users marked this as a favorite
 
Oh my god. It's my dream house! Does it come furnished? When can I move in? Seriously, I have been looking all over for a place with a carabinier, baseball bat, gospel cd, and foreign language travel guide department.
posted by sexyrobot at 6:56 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


I found the bathtub! Oh it's wild. Wilder than the rest even.
posted by sexyrobot at 7:04 AM on November 12, 2020 [8 favorites]


How is the main floor so small? Are there really just those 3 rooms?
posted by Horselover Fat at 7:08 AM on November 12, 2020


I don't totally buy the owner's "I'm just a reseller" story. There's what looks to be a CD/DVD duplication setup in what seems to be the main business room downstairs. But, man, is that ever a fun walkthrough. I didn't have time to try to make it through the whole thing, and I wanted to give the fans on my iMac a break.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:09 AM on November 12, 2020 [5 favorites]


Lottery winner? Dot-com founder? Halfway house? Paper Street Soap Company?

Why is there so much of what I can only describe as "inventory"?

Ok, going to read the info link now.
posted by Horkus at 7:09 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


Ok, this is great. I was impressed / slightly weirded out by the industrial fire alarms and exit signs, but the Andy Baio article (which includes a picture of the bathtub, if you want to skip ahead) mentions that it used to be a church, so that makes sense.
posted by Sparky Buttons at 7:10 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]


I found the bathtub! It's just after the Antechamber of Audiobooks and Porn.
posted by theodolite at 7:10 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


I especially liked the boxes labeled "Misc".
posted by ssmug at 7:14 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


Maybe I didn't click in the right spots, but from the photos in the article, there is a lot more upstairs space than I found in the tour. That actually seems like it would be an interesting place to live once all the clutter was hauled off; I like oddball properties like that.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:18 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


It being a former church makes the floor you start on make sense—the kitchen separated from the living room by room dividers, and the bedroom whose wall is one of the accordion-walls they use in churches all the time to, say, subdivide the social hall for sunday school classes.
posted by Orlop at 7:19 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]


I heard rotational media was making a huge comeback. Oh look I found a window! Sorry... I'm lost in the bonus level.
(Horselover, dipflash... You gotta poke and turn around a lot to find the stairs. There are many stairs.)
posted by sexyrobot at 7:26 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


If it was an old church...is the bathtub an old baptistry?
posted by Hutch at 7:27 AM on November 12, 2020 [11 favorites]


The bathtub room was for adult "born-again" style full-immersion baptisms.
posted by aramaic at 7:27 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


Yeah I'm kind of interested in the baptistry tub, though the water bills would be huge if you actually filled it up regularly. More of a small pool at that point. If you had a lot of kids or nieces and nephews you could have mini pool parties for the little ones. Or open a pet grooming business..you could get a few Great Danes in there.
posted by emjaybee at 7:31 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


I got lost somewhere around the Bob Saget DVDs and never found my way back out.
posted by mittens at 7:34 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]


Interesting that it's listed as not for sale on Redfin and that the sales history has been expunged there.

According to Zillow it continues to be available after having been listed in July for $375,000. Also that the current owners bought it for $20,000 six years ago. If that's true I wouldn't be surprised if they paid cash and that, since there's no mortgage, they can afford to keep it on the market for however long it takes to meet their asking price.

But there's such a huge conflict between the two listings (which, weirdly, are both going to be sourced from MLS anyway) I'm not sure what it actually cost and what's currently going on with it.
posted by ardgedee at 7:35 AM on November 12, 2020


Feels like the beginning of an ARG for a new Mountain Goats album.
posted by He Is Only The Imposter at 7:37 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


Anybody have eyes on the cat?
posted by Hey Dean Yeager! at 7:38 AM on November 12, 2020 [5 favorites]


I sincerely thought people were just conjecturing that the tub-room was a retrofitted former baptistry, that it was really somehow just an upsettingly-designed shower unit, but here it is about halfway down this page at churchproducts.com.
posted by wreckingball at 7:48 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


(FYI, if this is your bag then Reddit's /r/RidiculousRealEstate is a goldmine.)
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:50 AM on November 12, 2020 [7 favorites]


This feels like a frat house to me, but there's no trace of letters. I just can't believe that, although these gentlemen are clearly careful housekeepers, they managed to remove all letters from the house.
posted by gladly at 7:51 AM on November 12, 2020


Oh, and the camera showing up in bathroom mirrors but then not in the rooms feels scarier than it should in this house.
posted by gladly at 7:53 AM on November 12, 2020 [5 favorites]


My question about the tub is, why does it have those stairs to nowhere at the back of it? Does someone walk in, stand at the top of the steps and then they fill the tub? Or do you wade through the filled tub to get to the steps (in which case, why not just do that from the doorway?? It seems too shallow (or the stairs too low) to be a jumping-off point.
posted by Mchelly at 7:55 AM on November 12, 2020


This is like the nightmare version of what happened to Kim's Video.
posted by saladin at 7:56 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


Baptistries are not only for "born again" types. Generally speaking, any Baptist or restoration movement American church will have a baptistry. And yes, that bathroom is 100% a baptistry and I have never once met a baptistry that didn't leak like a sieve.
/liturgical pedant
posted by Baby_Balrog at 7:57 AM on November 12, 2020 [9 favorites]


Nah, this was totally a DVD pirating operation. So they were shoplifting new releases from stores and then quickly shipping out copies?
posted by JoeZydeco at 7:58 AM on November 12, 2020


Is this all really in only 2,000 s.f. or is the listing wrong, you think?
posted by slateyness at 7:59 AM on November 12, 2020


It's 2000 s.f. if you treat it as a three dimensional object rather than the eight it actually occupies.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 8:03 AM on November 12, 2020 [27 favorites]


The downstairs kitchen is definitely where the Real Dark Souls Begins in this one.
posted by obliviax at 8:06 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


Deadbolts on the closet doors?

Jimmy proof bedroom doors?

Strange doings there.
posted by mygoditsbob at 8:13 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]


I kept looking for signs of a meth cook somewhere.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:15 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


I grew up in a non-born again style Baptist church in Canada and they totally had a big one of those tubs at the front of the church. I'm pretty sure it only had a cold water tap, so baptisms were pretty bracing.
posted by Hutch at 8:16 AM on November 12, 2020


The cat is wisely staying upstairs near a window, it’s sitting on/among a stack of boxes.

I didn’t see dvd duplication equipment, there were disc buffing machines which fit the reseller story. I could definitely have missed it though.
posted by soy bean at 8:34 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


Uncomfortable flashbacks to when I worked backstock in a college town used book store.
posted by HeroZero at 8:35 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


Nice to see a business taking employee safety seriously.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:35 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


It's like all these people moved in, joined a MLM scheme, received product, and disappeared
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 8:47 AM on November 12, 2020


This reminds me of my personal maxim that hell is other peoples' houses.
posted by sonascope at 8:54 AM on November 12, 2020 [6 favorites]


I got stuck downstairs and couldn't find my way up again. What a nightmare. And oh my god I have motion sickness so bad now, this is why I don't play 3D video games.
posted by beandip at 8:58 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


Could somebody please put me out of my misery and point out where this damn bathtub is? Or just another clue? There are so many porn rooms.
I couldn't find it when this hit Twitter a few weeks ago and ain't having any better luck now on the big screen.
posted by Flashman at 9:05 AM on November 12, 2020


Is this all really in only 2,000 s.f. or is the listing wrong, you think?

Per zillow, the basement is an extra 1100 sq ft, so it's close to 3000 sq ft.

My question about the tub is, why does it have those stairs to nowhere at the back of it? it used to be open to the main room, the owners built the room around it.

it also looks to me that lots of at-best quasi legal activities are going on in this place. I can't believe they allowed someone to film their operation.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:09 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


Oh also if you want to ‘cheat’ there are options on the lower left to show a 3D ‘dollhouse’ view or top down floor plan. This reveals that there are indeed two buildings connected with an underground tunnel, hence the disconcerting feeling that the basement is way way bigger than it should be.
posted by soy bean at 9:11 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


When this went around a few weeks ago, I did a deep dive.

Some answers to questions can be found here.
posted by cooker girl at 9:11 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


Don't miss this furry-heavy VRChat walkthrough.
posted by eamondaly at 9:12 AM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]


For those of you unfamiliar with baptism pools/bapistries, please enjoy this how-to.
posted by cooker girl at 9:13 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


Flashman I sent you a private message with the directions to the tub... it ended up being far more difficult to describe then I thought it might be :)
posted by cirhosis at 9:18 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


I did stumble on the baptistry/bathtub, lurking as it was in the midst of a lot of shelving. The new owner will probably want to run a trail of breadcrumbs to it. Then again, the new owner will probably have to gut the entire place and start over.

Also, the main house is a raised ranch, which is a nightmare in itself before you get to the rest of it (annoying quantities of stairs + the lower levels are often prone to moisture issues).
posted by thomas j wise at 9:26 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


I think I would have at least made the bed before the camera guy shows up.
posted by jabah at 9:28 AM on November 12, 2020


I know everything seems like a Mountain Goats song (or album, or soundtrack to a game) but everything is not a Mountain Goats song.
posted by 41swans at 9:33 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


OK then, this is where the time travelers are keeping the 1990's, and I am reminded of that old Stone's lyric, "C'mon baby, howd you like to live with me?"
posted by Oyéah at 9:35 AM on November 12, 2020


I think I would have at least made the bed before the camera guy shows up.

One of my favorite homes when we were house-hunting in 2007 was the one where the photo of a bedroom was complete with bed and snoozing gentleman.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 9:49 AM on November 12, 2020 [6 favorites]


This is FASCINATING, and I must return later.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:53 AM on November 12, 2020


And here is the speedrun!
posted by DrMew at 10:10 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


blue shower thing!
posted by djseafood at 10:12 AM on November 12, 2020


One of my favorite homes when we were house-hunting in 2007 was the one where the photo of a bedroom was complete with bed and snoozing gentleman.

Someone in my family forgot about a scheduled showing and was horrified to hear the front door open and the Realtor's cheery voice... while lying naked in bed. As it was a small one bedroom apartment, there was no time to spare. So he hid under the covers until they were gone.
posted by carmicha at 10:20 AM on November 12, 2020 [7 favorites]


(FYI, if this is your bag then Reddit's /r/RidiculousRealEstate is a goldmine.)

This might be my favorite subreddit now. I just killed two hours and there is a house for sale in the county in which I was raised that I might send to my spouse as a joke.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 10:21 AM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


For sale: one vacuum cleaner, never used.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:27 AM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


This is wonderful. Thank you for sharing.

For those who want to play further object-hunting in this house, here are some fun items:

- a pleasant loaf-shaped cat
- Jordan Peterson's 12 Rules for Life, in trade-paperback format
- two toilets, side by side, no divider
- hand creme dispenser and kleenex box right next to a bed
- the O'Reilly Guide to Regular Expressions
- the Bollywood DVD section
- a disappearing slice of pizza on a paper plate (visible from one spot but it disappears when you move closer)
posted by sixohsix at 11:19 AM on November 12, 2020 [4 favorites]


I saw this a couple of weeks ago through Kottke by way of Waxy. At the time, the baptistry tub had been off-limits in the 3D model, because of the nature of the media in the room outside the tub. I guess internet pressure has restored that? Ha!

There's what looks to be a CD/DVD duplication setup...

I was curious enough about some of the unusual machines in there to look them up. The ones I noticed were disc polishers, intended to help libraries and rental agencies revive damaged discs. Obviously that would be interesting to a dealer in used discs as well. I don't know if those are the machines you had in mind, though.
posted by Western Infidels at 11:20 AM on November 12, 2020


The bathtub room was for adult "born-again" style full-immersion baptisms.

My first thought is that it looked like a mikveh, but without an inlet for flowing natural water (and also shower heads - those are usually outside of the mikveh). But yes, baptismal pool makes sense - and I supposed the shower heads were added later.

I have to admit: I may live in a super cluttered house, but it's a homey kind of clutter. This looks as comfortable as living in a badly organized distribution warehouse. The only thing I'm jealous of is the bathtub - because I've always wanted a bathtub big enough to swim in.
posted by jb at 11:53 AM on November 12, 2020


I found the bathtub!

This is like a real-world implementation of those dreams in which you're navigating a cartoonishly convoluted and unrealistic location eternally trying and failing to find the bathroom.
posted by confluency at 12:01 PM on November 12, 2020 [7 favorites]


I can't figure out whether someone (or how many someones) live there. Multiple kitchens. Multiple bathrooms. The baptismal tub has soap and shampoo. But there's not really any signs that anyone lives there.
posted by hydra77 at 12:03 PM on November 12, 2020


But there's not really any signs that anyone lives there.

I thought that on my first pass and then later (looking for the chonky cat) considered that the signs were there but suggestive of a very spartan or frat-like life. Toothpaste and electric toothbrushes by the upstairs kitchen sink, olive oil half-used and a pair of reading glasses by the stove, shoes and aftershaves in one of the bedrooms, a copy of Diabetes Forecast magazine (!?)...

I know a couple folks who lived like this in their early 20s, minus the baptismal tub and the warehouse full of quasi-legal merchandise of course.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:35 PM on November 12, 2020


(One of them did live in a converted church, actually! But no baptistry. Just the kind of kitchen that suggested it had been designed for potlucks, and the kind of industrial carpet one might expect in a church basement. 0/10 do not recommend.)
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:37 PM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


OMG. Well staged for the discerning buyer.
posted by bluesky43 at 1:20 PM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


The fb group is a hoot, one of the people that actually lives in the house is in it
posted by Betty_effn_White at 2:01 PM on November 12, 2020


Thanks for alerting me to the fact that the bathtub was restored! Not sure when that happened, but it was gone for quite a while. When I last spoke to the building owner about it, I know he was urging them to put it back online.
posted by waxpancake at 2:19 PM on November 12, 2020 [1 favorite]


"My question about the tub is, why does it have those stairs to nowhere at the back of it? Does someone walk in, stand at the top of the steps and then they fill the tub? Or do you wade through the filled tub to get to the steps (in which case, why not just do that from the doorway?? It seems too shallow (or the stairs too low) to be a jumping-off point."

When it was in use as a font, it was doubtless open at both ends, and probably open to either the church sanctuary or to a smaller room used for baptisms. But having it completely closed in by walls like that is something that was added later on, probably when the church was closed down (or moved) and was sold off. Sometimes they're in a sort of "side chapel" with a little more privacy, but sometimes they're just smack dab in the middle of the church.

Here's a photo of the baptismal font that was in St. Thecla in Milan, built in 350 and in service until 1458, when Il Duomo de Milano, begun in 1386 and built -- as was the custom -- right over the top of the prior church had gotten far enough along in its building process that they would worship in it without being rained on, and St. Thecla was then destroyed. It's been recently excavated -- you can visit the excavations when you visit the Cathedral (which had a preserved dead body on display, FYI, St. Charles Borromeo, because Catholics). That's the font that St. Augustine was baptized in by St. Ambrose in 387 CE. Anyway, the point I was coming around to is, you can sort-of see the bricks marking the old walls around behind the octogonal font in the photo, and there's quite a bit of space around the font. Baptism was -- and is -- a public rite, so the fonts are virtually always open to a larger room.

Here's a modern iteration; this is in front of the entrance doors (which is pretty typical for Catholics these days, when building new or renovating), and would serve both for baptisms and would provide holy water as people enter and bless themselves. The higher-up small basin is both for holy water and for baptising infants.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 5:09 PM on November 12, 2020 [3 favorites]


The old family portrait on the floor of the bedroom across from the cat....??!?
posted by Comet Bug at 9:01 PM on November 12, 2020 [2 favorites]


There's a map of the southern half of England on the wall. I can just about see where I live. Now, why would that be there?
posted by dowcrag at 8:19 AM on November 13, 2020


The southern half of England is also a room of the house.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 9:25 AM on November 13, 2020 [9 favorites]


I clicked. It now says "off market" and where I might expect a virtual tour, there is a blurry piece of fetish art of Garfield's feet.

Another day on the internet, I suppose.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:08 AM on November 13, 2020 [4 favorites]


I swear that house is four-dimensional. I got stuck in the basement for half an hour & it seemed to fold in on itself several times. I finally found the baptismal font. Rating: abysmal.
posted by Devils Rancher at 5:20 PM on November 13, 2020 [3 favorites]


--And He Built A Crooked House--
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 10:07 PM on November 13, 2020 [1 favorite]


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