What the White Witch from Narnia’s apartment would smell like

November 22, 2020 12:24 PM

How do you make the forthcoming stuck-at-home holidays feel a little more special and less... well, exactly like the preceding eight stuck-at-home months? The answer, my friends, is scented candles. Here are some that smell like a tree, a party, the White Witch’s condo, bedtime, children’s makeup, real and fake babies, cocktails, and Denise Huxtable’s best outfits.

Affluent Detritus's holiday candle post review comes at a time when we truly, truly need both the cozy-home factor of scented candles and the resurgence of well-written enthusiasm blogs that aren't trying to sell you something.

Maybe it’s because I haven’t been to a party since February (and even then they were an elementary school auction with cocktails and an afternoon gathering for my 90-year-old great-aunt’s birthday), but this candle actually smells like a Christmas party to me. It has a heart of plum, gin, and red currant along with the usual holiday juniper/balsam/cedar, but I swear to god the last thing I get is a hit of perfume and coats being piled on a bed.

If you're not ready for holiday smells yet, you can also check out these fall candles for offerings that smell like J.R. Ewing's sofa and Johnny Depp's balls.

posted by babelfish (27 comments total)

....I don't know that I NEEDED those candles, but....
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:47 PM on November 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

From the comments in the link:

"Christmas 2020: I lock myself in the bathroom, play a fireplace YouTube on my phone, eat a Voluspa White Cypress with a takeout spork."
posted by cnidaria at 12:53 PM on November 22, 2020 [3 favorites]

The Friday night before the election I did something I’ve actually never done before, which was to have many drinks and then buy candles online, candles that I’d never smelled before. This is how you act out during a pandemic in your 40s. A week later a giant box from Otherland showed up and I felt a level of shame that I last felt in my 20s when I had to get a ride back to the bar on Sunday afternoon to retrieve my car from the night before.

Smelling nice smells, I’ve found, scratches the same itch for me as eating lots of chocolate, drinking nice wine, or other tasty things. I like chocolate and wine, but like stress, they trigger my acid reflux so I have to be careful. I was not careful at the beginning of the pandemic, and I paid for it.

However, I have recently discovered the world of decants on eBay. This is when people have a full bottle of perfume and they decant it into small bottles (2 mL, 5 mL, 10 mL) so they can sell it at a lower price to a person who doesn’t want a full bottle but wants to try it.

I’ve developed a pandemic habit of trawling the eBay decant sellers (who ship to Canada for a reasonable price) and buying niche perfumes to try. That way, if I end up hating it, it’s no big deal because I didn’t waste money on a big bottle and I just give the decant to someone else who wants to try it. I figure it’s a low cost way to scratch the chocolate/wine itch without the reflux. Working from home during the pandemic has meant I can freely enjoy perfume that I avoid wearing to work so I don’t trigger students’ or co-workers’ allergies. I’m in heaven.

This smells like going to bed without worries.

I need to get my hands on this candle.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 12:59 PM on November 22, 2020 [7 favorites]

A few years ago I found some nice fir balsam incense that while it's not as good as actually going camping, it's good enough to bring back memories of past happy experiences.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:08 PM on November 22, 2020

I have collected several citrus candles, as well as a few “autumnal” scents that aren’t too cloying for me. I started back in August at the Marshalls and the TJ Maxx nearby and there is one scent I am really sad I only got two of.

It’s called Poison Apple from D+W and online they are more than the $6.99 I paid for each of mine. AND my partner recently ordered me a Voluspa candle that came in a glass jar instead of a tin and the thing was shattered in the mail. So no ordering candles online for me.

So if you’re in NYC and you see that scent in person somewhere, please send me a memail? Or buy it and do not tell me. It’s a great candle.
posted by bilabial at 1:16 PM on November 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

An Aerosol can of pine scented snow, new poofy sweater and a dunhill in your teeth.

I got this, mom.
posted by clavdivs at 1:17 PM on November 22, 2020 [2 favorites]

the White Witch does not live in a condo

that said, its a very pretty candle.
posted by supermedusa at 1:21 PM on November 22, 2020 [3 favorites]

You can also decorate.
posted by clawsoon at 1:30 PM on November 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

I'm a sucker for fancy candles, and one my favorite brands, Skandinavisk, has a candle called "Sno" which is pretty close to that White Witch from Narnia vibe.
posted by k8bot at 1:44 PM on November 22, 2020

I would assume the White Witch's home smelled like Turkish delight (on a moonlit night?)
posted by TedW at 2:48 PM on November 22, 2020 [6 favorites]

While I'm ordering the Redwood + Co. Christmas Cheer candle, I thought I would mention the most important part of this article - actor Anthony Hopkins has a line of candles. It'd be nice if he had candles that reflected the moods of his different films... Imagine what Human Stain candle might smell like?
posted by Ashwagandha at 3:26 PM on November 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

Well I know which one would smell like fava beans and a nice Chianti
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:02 PM on November 22, 2020

I thought for sure the White Witch’s condo candle would be Mytholgie Candles’ seasonal Always Winter, Never Christmas collection.

My wife and I use a lot of candles and that is definitely because we are very romantic and not because one of us walks into the bedroom after the other has spent the previous hour filling it with farts. If anyone tells you otherwise they’re a liar.
posted by Parasite Unseen at 4:34 PM on November 22, 2020 [7 favorites]

I would assume the White Witch's home smelled like Turkish delight (on a moonlit night?)

It's nobody's business
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:02 PM on November 22, 2020 [2 favorites]

I'm irritated that the sale price of the White Witch candle is juuuust reasonable enough to tempt me.
posted by grandiloquiet at 5:15 PM on November 22, 2020 [3 favorites]

The White Witch candle smells of wet stone and burned lion fur.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:24 PM on November 22, 2020 [7 favorites]

I detect some resentment of the White Witch there, thatwhichfalls -- or should I say, thatwitchfalls?
posted by cnidaria at 5:33 PM on November 22, 2020 [2 favorites]

Parasite Unseen, thank you for that link, I did not know until approximately 1 minute ago that I desperately need a candle called Blood Moon Sky.

My wallet is less appreciative.
posted by Jeanne at 5:38 PM on November 22, 2020 [1 favorite]

Are there, like, scented candles for people who hate scented candles because they* are too strong and fake-smelling?

*The candles. Not the people. The people are the right amount of strong and awesome-smelling.
posted by medusa at 6:37 PM on November 22, 2020 [2 favorites]

Needs more Denise Huxtable outfits.
posted by Mchelly at 7:20 PM on November 22, 2020

I hate scented candles, unless they are the very, very expensive ones, and I can't even consider spending that much on a candle, so have to content myself with dropping heavy hints at birthdays and Christmas. However, I have considered getting hold of Yankee Candle's Mountain Lodge, which apparently smells like the perfect boyfriend (or Chris Evans, at least) , but apparently it is now discontinued and very hard to get hold of.
posted by Fuchsoid at 11:45 PM on November 22, 2020

In my (admittedly limited) experience, babies either smell like nothing, scented detergent, or poop. While I actually would by a poop-scented candle, as a novelty item, I wouldn't expect it to be called "baby."

Cheers to everyone who likes scented candles. I'm going to stick with unscented ones and incense sticks.
posted by eotvos at 12:30 AM on November 23, 2020

In my (admittedly limited) experience, babies either smell like nothing, scented detergent, or poop.

There is a very specific baby smell right on top of their head (where they have that weird soft spot where the skull hasn't grown together yet). The best is when a baby falls asleep on your chest with their head right under your chin, so you can nap together. (I don't have kids, so a serious negative of the pandemic limiting social contact has been not being able to interact with or hold any of my friends' babies/children all year. One more item in the long list of losses this year.)

I'm not a fan of scented candles, but I think that is because I only notice the noxious ones. If the aroma is low-key and pleasant, I probably just think that the house/business smells nice without thinking that it could be candle-related.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:08 AM on November 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

Are there, like, scented candles for people who hate scented candles because they* are too strong and fake-smelling?

It’s not exactly the same thing but the little oil warmers that hold a few spoonfuls of water and have a tea light underneath are great for this. You can choose whatever essential oils you like to add to the water. One drop is plenty, in my experience.
posted by corey flood at 9:52 AM on November 23, 2020

I would think of actual beeswax or bayberry candles as the perfect unscented scent.
posted by clew at 10:01 AM on November 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Bath and bodyworks have really upped their candle jar game, even if you don’t like the scents of the candles inside, and they have upcoming holiday sales. I can’t wait!
posted by The_Vegetables at 10:09 AM on November 23, 2020

I made Xmas pudding yesterday, and used fresh ground nutmeg in the spice mix, which I haven't before. I probably spent a good view minutes huffing the incredible scent. 100% recommended if you need a Christmassy scent hit!
posted by Jon Mitchell at 10:57 AM on November 23, 2020 [1 favorite]