Car-eating Monsters
December 15, 2020 7:56 PM Subscribe
Car-eating monsters. They're very dangerous. They will come for your car in the snow. They will come for your car in the desert. They feast at car rallies. They will lure you in. They're everywhere.
Be safe. Now is the time. Learn how to ride a bicycle.
This post was brought to you in collaboration with the folks in chat.
This post was brought to you in collaboration with the folks in chat.
I hear those monsters particularly enjoy cars with texting drivers.
posted by mundo at 8:45 PM on December 15, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by mundo at 8:45 PM on December 15, 2020 [1 favorite]
Learn how to ride a bicycle.
If you already know how to ride a bicycle, learn how to ride two bicycles.
posted by aubilenon at 9:34 PM on December 15, 2020 [12 favorites]
If you already know how to ride a bicycle, learn how to ride two bicycles.
posted by aubilenon at 9:34 PM on December 15, 2020 [12 favorites]
Somewhere the Venn diagrams of car-eating monsters and dragons fucking cars overlaps and I'm packing my bags right now to get as far away from it as possible.
posted by loquacious at 9:43 PM on December 15, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by loquacious at 9:43 PM on December 15, 2020 [1 favorite]
Saturday, Saturday, Saturday ... Truckasaurus! 20 tons and 4 stories of car crunching, firebreathing prehistoric insanity!
posted by smcameron at 9:45 PM on December 15, 2020 [2 favorites]
posted by smcameron at 9:45 PM on December 15, 2020 [2 favorites]
They feast at car rallies
I hear that's where you're most likely to experience a Trak Attack. Most likely to occur on Saturday. At 8 p.m. At the Pontiac Silverdome.
Be there.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:02 PM on December 15, 2020 [3 favorites]
I hear that's where you're most likely to experience a Trak Attack. Most likely to occur on Saturday. At 8 p.m. At the Pontiac Silverdome.
Be there.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 10:02 PM on December 15, 2020 [3 favorites]
I thought that now they only eat guitars.
posted by demiurge at 10:37 PM on December 15, 2020 [8 favorites]
posted by demiurge at 10:37 PM on December 15, 2020 [8 favorites]
Learn how to ride a bicycle.
Check your privilege; learn how to ride a unicycle.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:51 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Check your privilege; learn how to ride a unicycle.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:51 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Check your privilege; learn to fly yogically.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 8:53 AM on December 16, 2020
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 8:53 AM on December 16, 2020
In Chicago we make do with never ending potholes and sticker & license fees.
posted by winesong at 9:02 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by winesong at 9:02 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Learn how to ride a bicycle.
Then learn how to steer clear of the bicycle antlion.
posted by flabdablet at 9:16 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Then learn how to steer clear of the bicycle antlion.
posted by flabdablet at 9:16 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I hear those monsters particularly enjoy cars with texting drivers.
Would that it were true!
posted by scratch at 10:16 AM on December 16, 2020
Would that it were true!
posted by scratch at 10:16 AM on December 16, 2020
Makes me think of the whale-shaped car wash that used to be in Niagara Falls. You’d drive into its mouth like a latter-day Jonah.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:42 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:42 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
I like to imagine the kangaroo looking at the accident report in the first link and thinking "Friends? Well, I mean sort of. They're really more like work colleagues."
posted by mhum at 11:13 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
posted by mhum at 11:13 AM on December 16, 2020 [1 favorite]
Car-eating monsters.
A) he's a man from Mars; not a monster. & B) he's stopped eating cars.
posted by a Rrose by any other name at 11:31 AM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
A) he's a man from Mars; not a monster. & B) he's stopped eating cars.
posted by a Rrose by any other name at 11:31 AM on December 16, 2020 [2 favorites]
I taught myself how to ride a bicycle at 25. It is one of the least useful skills I have ever learned.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:26 PM on December 16, 2020
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:26 PM on December 16, 2020
In the 1960s, Israel had a car maker, the Susita. It was a kit car with a fiberglass body and the engine of a Reliant Robin. It was truly a thing of beauty. Except that feral camels liked to gnaw on the fiberglass surfaces and chip them.
posted by ocschwar at 4:39 PM on December 16, 2020
posted by ocschwar at 4:39 PM on December 16, 2020
We had a guest last year who learned to ride a bike by starting out on the back of our recumbent tandem. Recumbent tandems are literally the easiest bikes to ride and excellent for beginners. They let you pick up a lot of the nuances without having to worry about falling off.
posted by aniola at 9:30 AM on December 17, 2020
posted by aniola at 9:30 AM on December 17, 2020
The kangaroo friends are the most realistic thing about the whole drawing. THey're looking at their mate who's just bounced across the road, absolutely written off a car leaving the bonnet concave and the windscreen starred, human faces punched into the airbags, shaking his kangaroo head and getting up to hop away. 'Yeah good one Shane' 'that's sick mate'
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:55 PM on December 17, 2020
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:55 PM on December 17, 2020
« Older and all that jazz | The sudden death of a hero is the work of a... Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
posted by Marticus at 7:59 PM on December 15, 2020