masters-in-creative-writing-gamer-swiftie-fangirl bad

December 23, 2020 8:49 AM

How Bad Is Your Spotify? This sophisticated A.I. judges your awful taste in music.
posted by OverlappingElvis (133 comments total)

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...
> 14-year-old-who-just-discovered-punk bad
> stomp-and-holler bad
> napping-in-your-mancave bad
> paisley-park bad
> love-your-npr-tote bad

I have never felt so seen
posted by OverlappingElvis at 8:51 AM on December 23, 2020 [9 favorites]

"You're stuck in the early 2010s. You must have peaked right around Radiohead's A Moon Shaped Pool."

Eerily accurate
posted by ook at 9:01 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

Spotify limiting how many people can use this app at once, so you'll need to wait or try again later.

I remember around 2010 when SV tastemakers declared "APIs and mashups are the future" and then in 2012 started to kneecap them.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 9:01 AM on December 23, 2020

> love-your-npr-tote bad
> overdramatic-instrumental bad
> craft-beer-snob bad
> nineties-dorm-room bad
> landslide-on-repeat bad

Is me.

Does it give the same "Do you like this song?" to everyone? I got Don't Stop Believing.
posted by sacrifix at 9:02 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

This was delightful and very funny. Also, they dragged me so hard I'm now in the next county over and need a ride home.
posted by merriment at 9:06 AM on December 23, 2020 [20 favorites]

you listen to these tracks too much:

the last great american dynasty by Taylor Swift

Guilty as charged, Roko. Guilty as charged.
posted by chavenet at 9:07 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

I am entirely comfortable with the extent to which I stan these artists, thank you very much:

Miranda Lambert
Neko Case
Maren Morris
Julie Roberts
The Chicks

Also, it gave me shit for unironically listening to a guided sleep meditation which is not really so much part of my musical tastes as it is, you know, how I get to sleep.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:07 AM on December 23, 2020 [5 favorites]

jacquilynne for the record I also love all the music it criticized me for. I think of this more as the AI equivalent of being cornered by a music jerk at a party, rather than any actual judgments on your taste.
posted by OverlappingElvis at 9:09 AM on December 23, 2020 [7 favorites]

They insinuated that WAP was bad and I don't know what the deal is but I don't like it.
posted by tofu_crouton at 9:10 AM on December 23, 2020 [4 favorites]

Argh I am a pandora user. I suppose I will miss this bit of fun.
posted by quillbreaker at 9:11 AM on December 23, 2020 [5 favorites]

It also dragged me for listening to Kelly Clarkson's Stronger and too much Britney Spears, and I will concede it those points. I have a playlist for uptempo girl power pop songs and it serves a very important purpose in getting housework done and staving off depression, but it is 100% basic.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:11 AM on December 23, 2020 [4 favorites]

Your spotify was napping-in-your-mancave-boomer-relaxation-steve-perry bad.

I fell simultaneous seen and attacked.
posted by Frayed Knot at 9:16 AM on December 23, 2020 [5 favorites]

You've been listening to a lot of Phoebe Bridgers lately.

u okay?

Well, no. *Gestures at everything*
posted by octothorpe at 9:22 AM on December 23, 2020 [20 favorites]

It gave me props for listening to a singer who used to post here on mefi music, so I'm gonna say well done metafilter.
posted by lilac girl at 9:22 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

> please-read-my-manuscript bad
>instagram-your-tent-at-sunset bad
> folklore-evermore-dumbledore-witch-pop bad
>remember-when-williamsburg-was-cool bad

Okay okay yes
posted by rabbitbookworm at 9:24 AM on December 23, 2020 [4 favorites]

OverlappingElvis: "I think of this more as the AI equivalent of being cornered by a music jerk at a party, "

Yes, this is definitely a good way to bulk up one's I-have-zero-fucks-to-give-about-what-some-rando-thinks-of-my-musical-taste muscle.
posted by chavenet at 9:26 AM on December 23, 2020 [3 favorites]

lol this thing is too dumb to know that the britney spears album blackout is critically acclaimed.

Analyzing your listening history...
lol
omg
okay hold up
Do you really listen to Gimme More by Britney Spears?
Like ironically?
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:31 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

"You are 2% basic. Have you considered there's a reason nobody listens to Aka Pygmy children?"

And this gem:

"Seeing plenty of lo-fi beats.
Finding a lot of Seán Ó Ríordáin.
Like... a LOT.
oh boy Calaca by Tied & Tickled Trio.
oh great another Zero 7 stan...
You've been listening to a lot of Seán Ó Ríordáin lately.
u okay?"
posted by Morpeth at 9:32 AM on December 23, 2020

this thing is really funny

> boomer-suburban-80s bad

> walmart-hawaiian-shirt bad

> mom-and-dads-date-night bad

> classic-rock-radio-station bad

Red Snapper and Jon Anderson? Where do you even find this shit?.
posted by supermedusa at 9:32 AM on December 23, 2020

also: don't stop believing
posted by supermedusa at 9:34 AM on December 23, 2020

Your spotify was masters-in-creative-writing-escape-room-manic-pixie-dream-girl bad.

> aging-britney-fan bad
> remember-when-williamsburg-was-cool bad
> 80s-prom bad
> nineties-dorm-room bad

lol it's like you've never seen 1990s twee pop jammed through late 2010s pc music trash before.

your ai is bad.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 9:35 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I wonder if its actually possible to listen to Radiohead ironically?
posted by supermedusa at 9:36 AM on December 23, 2020 [3 favorites]

It got mad at me when I said "Hell No" to Journey.
posted by octothorpe at 9:36 AM on December 23, 2020 [5 favorites]

> gamer bad
> masters-in-creative-writing bad
> 100-percent-that-bitch bad
> hot-topic-threw-up-on-you bad

I feel so validated.
posted by ourobouros at 9:39 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Loading your music library...Spotify limiting how many people can use this app at once, so you'll need to wait or try again later.

I'll try again in 10 seconds

I'll try again in 20 seconds

I'll try again in 40 seconds

I'll try again in 80 seconds

I'll try again in 160 seconds

:( c'mon, I want to be judged like all the cool kids
posted by sciatrix at 9:42 AM on December 23, 2020 [4 favorites]

My Spotify was "moody-barista-wear-carhartts-to-your-desk-job-sad-in-a-cabin bad."
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:44 AM on December 23, 2020 [9 favorites]

> Your spotify was sitting-alone-in-the-cafeteria-suburban-80s-swiftie-fangirl bad.

> Thank your obsessions with Joy Division, new wave, and Taylor Swift for that.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...
> studded-leather-jacket bad
> dad-rock bad
> lilith-fair bad
> manic-pixie-dream-girl bad
> 14-year-old-who-just-discovered-punk bad

I'm trying to picture this person and failing. When I look into the AI's Mirror of Musical Truth, who do I see?
posted by robocop is bleeding at 9:47 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

> Your spotify was get-into-fights-on-twitter-mom-and-dads-date-night-cabincore bad.

> Thank your obsessions with BTS, neo soul, and Folklore for that.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> mainstream-country bad
> dirrty-pop bad
> npr-country-music bad
> weeping-in-your-bourbon bad
> never-turn-down-a-microphone bad

The song it had me listen to was a Neutral Milk Hotel song, which I don't think I've ever listened to on Spotify. I still have my burned CDs from college for THAT.
posted by mixedmetaphors at 10:01 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

I'll try again in 320 seconds

Dang it. I wonder just how many people are attempting to access this that it's hitting Spotify API limits.
posted by jzb at 10:03 AM on December 23, 2020

"I've been trained on a corpus of over two million indicators of objectively good music, including Pitchfork reviews, record store recommendations, and subreddits you've never heard of."

haha! okay, gen-Xer.
posted by bigendian at 10:04 AM on December 23, 2020 [7 favorites]

You've been listening to a lot of The Mountain Goats lately.

u okay?

😬
posted by btfreek at 10:08 AM on December 23, 2020 [16 favorites]

You listen to these tracks too much:

Dziecko Księżyca by Tomasz Makowiecki
Lucky by Lucie,Too

You are 1% basic. Oh wow Lucie,Too and Azure Ray! Your taste is so obscure that's so cool I bet you're super interesting..

You're stuck in the early 2010s. You only listen to Obama-era jams like Fish on the Sand by Allah-Las and Do It, Try It by M83.

I live in the obscure past. And I am too cool for you, AI!
posted by romanb at 10:09 AM on December 23, 2020

are people really clicking on an app designed to roast you and then getting huffy about being roasted
posted by Emily's Fist at 10:16 AM on December 23, 2020 [20 favorites]

I also couldn't get my library analyzed. Which may be just as well.

You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:

John Prine
R.E.M.
The Clash
The Beatles
Moby

Guilty as charged, officer.

You're stuck in the 2000s. You know there's been good music since Christina Aguilera, right?

I'm 60 years old. I'm glad that it thought that I made it as far as the 2000s musically.
posted by tallmiddleagedgeek at 10:16 AM on December 23, 2020 [22 favorites]

they had me at "lilith-fair bad", and guilty as charged. but i have to admit "dads-still-cool bad" cut a little deep.

You are 3% basic. Maria Taylor and Trespassers William? Where do you even find this shit?.

and from a zero 7 standpoint the AI simply said "of course zero 7"

i am the absolute target of this (and i suspect many other mefites). :D
posted by rude.boy at 10:16 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

I did what I usually do with people like that, which is lose interest and wander away about half-way through. I had to give it Spotify privileges to get it to work - how do I take them away again?
posted by Grangousier at 10:17 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I mean, honestly
> Your spotify was Still-Upset-Gaga-Didn't-Win-The-Acting-Oscar-original-motion-picture-soundtrack-drag-queen-brunch bad.
makes me sound a hell of a lot cooler than I actually am.
posted by Vortisaur at 10:22 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

I enjoyed when it asked my basic indie-folk self to play fuck/marry/kill between Sufjan Stevens, the Decemberists, and Iron & Wine.

Marry > I'd happily enter a polyamorous relationship with the Decemberists. I feel like they would bring me flowers and homemade sourdough bread and stage elaborate plays about murder-suicide in the living room.
Fuck > Iron and Wine - he has a certain appealing grunginess, and I feel like Sufjan would just be sad the whole time.
Kill > Sorry, Sufjan. Love your music.
posted by Emily's Fist at 10:27 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

It asked me if I was okay after noting I have been listening to a lot of Sufjan Stevens.

Bro, is any of us okay???
posted by Ouverture at 10:28 AM on December 23, 2020 [3 favorites]

(Ah, you log in to your Spotify account on the website, go to apps then revoke access. To answer my own question.)
posted by Grangousier at 10:29 AM on December 23, 2020 [4 favorites]

You are 0% basic. Have you considered there's a reason nobody listens to Half Film?
Yeah, cause they all have bad taste
posted by whir at 10:33 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

My Marry / Fuck / Kill ask was Wolf Alice / Taylor Swift / CHVRCHES. How did it expect me to choose????
posted by signal at 10:35 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

You are 14% basic. Have you considered there's a reason nobody listens to Kid Wave?.

Because they are joyless husks who used to be people?
posted by signal at 10:36 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

> dads-still-cool bad
*sobs*

You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:

• Mount Eerie
• Hawkwind
• Shearwater
• Mogwai
• The Mountain Goats

You are 3% basic. Oh wow John Foxx & The Maths and Mikko Joensuu! Your taste is so obscure that's so cool I bet you're super interesting..

You're too trendy for your own good. You only listen to music made in the last year like The Mother Road by Chelsea Wolfe and Birth of Violence by Chelsea Wolfe.
posted by Kafkaesque at 10:37 AM on December 23, 2020

My oldest kid was mocking me the other day for the T Swift & BTS obsessions I've developed since lockdown began and it's really hard to take that sort of thing from a 40-year-old gay man who had a poster of George Michael in his room.
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 10:38 AM on December 23, 2020 [10 favorites]

One would be able to actually take these and *want to see* e.g. "weeping-in-your-bourbon bad". Some of these are actually recommendations to me.
posted by aesop at 10:45 AM on December 23, 2020

Yeah, I'm thinking coming in with less than 20% basic counts as a win. I got 9%, but the AI seems to think I listen to a lot of Damien Jurado, when I have two of his songs on a playlist and haven't listened to them in years; it also seemed very intrigued by my listening to Raphael Saadiq a couple times a few years ago after Luke Cage came out. My other stan bands were the Warlocks, Black Angels, and Wolf Parade, and hell yes. My "are you ok?" band was The Myrrors. My track to listen to was "Oh, Comely" by Neutral Milk Hotel. My "I don't listen to this ironically" song was "In a Big Country" by, um, Big Country. Otherwise, I was:
>moody-barista-craft-beer-snob-heavy-eyeliner-post-punk bad
>pure-moods bad
> 80s-prom bad
> nineties-dorm-room bad (graduated in 1997, fair cop)
> boomer-relaxation bad
> retiree-softball-league bad

I'm actually not offended.
posted by LionIndex at 10:45 AM on December 23, 2020

And nobody listens to Transfer because they were only a local San Diego band, and the two albums I own by them aren't even on Spotify, which seems like a decent reason for them to not have many listeners.
posted by LionIndex at 10:48 AM on December 23, 2020

Lolololol this is the best

> Your spotify was k-pop-aficionado-queen-of-arendelle-omg-im-baby-spice-who-are-you bad.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> nightmare-to-karaoke-with bad
> former-child-star bad
> its-britney-bitch bad
> stan-army-lieutenant bad
> swiftie-fangirl bad

I have 0 regrets
posted by Kitchen Witch at 11:01 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

Your spotify was maximally-pretentious-minimalism-nightmare-to-karaoke-with-so-ambient-its-barely-music bad.

Fair.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> liberal-arts-hip-hop bad

Generous, even.
posted by box at 11:02 AM on December 23, 2020

If napping in your mancave is bad, I don't wanna be good.
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:10 AM on December 23, 2020 [5 favorites]

Your spotify was maximally-pretentious-minimalism-nightmare-to-karaoke-with-so-ambient-its-barely-music bad.

I'm jealous.
posted by LionIndex at 11:27 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I'm so uncool that I use Amazon Music instead of Spotify. I don't need to go through their judging to know what they'd say about me. That's FINE, I don't need affirmation.
posted by The corpse in the library at 11:28 AM on December 23, 2020

I've only used Spotify for the last three months since Google Music abandoned me so these results are me still getting all my likes into the system.
posted by octothorpe at 11:34 AM on December 23, 2020

Ahh, so it doesn't work on Firefox due to CORS restrictions. Heal thyself, physician.
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 11:41 AM on December 23, 2020

Making me wish wish I had a Spotify so I could get skewered by this machine.
posted by rodlymight at 11:51 AM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

> heavy-eyeliner-post-punk bad
> scented-candle-and-hard-seltzer bad
> kimchi-fermenting bad
> certified-freak bad
> escape-room bad

I didn't know that what I needed was to be dragged by AI.
posted by sugarbomb at 11:54 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

it was "ok yeah haha good one" for me until it asked me if I recognized a clip from a long winters song.

I clicked no!
posted by One Thousand and One at 11:56 AM on December 23, 2020

F/M/K Billy Bragg/Janelle Monae/Jon Boden...
Very US-centric categories of bad. What's a Williamsburg?
posted by rhamphorhynchus at 11:58 AM on December 23, 2020

Huh. Spotify is a bit of an odd thing for me because while I do use it a lot, I mostly let it pick my music for me, through Discover Weekly and Daily Mix lists. That said, this did pick out a lot of my favorites...and one random huge miss:

> Your spotify was dad-jokes-comedy-dweeb-nobody-puts-baby-in-a-corner bad.

> Thank your obsessions with "Weird Al" Yankovic, comic (e.g., Aurelio Voltaire and Lemon Demon), and (I've Had) The Time of My Life - From "Dirty Dancing" Soundtrack for that.

I've never listened to The Time of My Life on Spotify to my memory, ever. I guess it might have come up on a daily mix at some point, but I have no recollection of it.

You listen to these tracks too much:

Hyperactive! by Thomas Dolby
Your Turn to Roll (Critical Role Theme) by Ashley Johnson
The Cumberland Crew by Smokey Bastard
Touch-Tone Telephone by Lemon Demon
Stronger Than You by Steven Universe
You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:

Jonathan Coulton
Trans-Siberian Orchestra
Aurelio Voltaire
The Mechanisms
Thomas Dolby
You are 1% basic. Oh wow Kirby Krackle and Vince De Vera & Jason Garner! Your taste is so obscure that's so cool I bet you're super interesting..

You're stuck in the early 2010s. You only listen to Obama-era jams like Thor by The Mechanisms and Maria by AlicebanD.

All this, on the other hand, makes me feel seen, though that "early 2010's" thing is definitely an artifact of Discover Weekly; the only tracks I'd be seeking out on my own are probably 1980's are earlier.
posted by Four Ds at 11:58 AM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: are people really clicking on an app designed to roast you and then getting huffy about being roasted
posted by MCMikeNamara at 12:01 PM on December 23, 2020 [4 favorites]

I've never listened to The Time of My Life on Spotify to my memory, ever. I guess it might have come up on a daily mix at some point, but I have no recollection of it.

It did the same thing to me - I'm as guilty of listening to a lot of Prince as everyone else in the world, but I had to look up what 'stomp and holler' music was and I have never listened to the Dirty Dancing soundtrack on purpose.
posted by Gortuk at 12:02 PM on December 23, 2020

Very US-centric categories of bad. What's a Williamsburg?

It's a small town in Western Massachusetts.
posted by octothorpe at 12:04 PM on December 23, 2020 [3 favorites]

I didn't know that what I needed was to be dragged by AI.

It's like a kink I never knew I had
posted by OverlappingElvis at 12:07 PM on December 23, 2020

Well, I got a chuckle out of it.

> Your spotify was masters-in-creative-writing-jazz-flex-basic-birth-of-christ bad.
> Thank your obsessions with Perfume Genius, Jazz (e.g., Grant Green and Herbie Hancock), and White Christmas for that.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...
> chiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil bad
> moody-barista bad
> napping-in-your-mancave bad
> Unfortunately that's not all I learned:

You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:
The War On Drugs
Shintaro Sakamoto
Nmesh
Kyary Pamyu Pamyu
Oh No
You are 5% basic. Have you considered there's a reason nobody listens to Talk Less Say More?.

You're stuck in the early 2010s. You must have peaked right around Shintaro Sakamoto's Let's Dance Raw.

Well, that was really something. I need to go recalibrate my taste levels. Shutting down.
posted by HumanComplex at 12:19 PM on December 23, 2020

I think there's some dirt in Spotify's system. It has me listening to yo-yo ma a lot but I don't recall listening to a single track in the last couple of years. Well, I did listen to Silk Road ensemble a bit on YouTube but not on Spotify.
posted by aesop at 12:23 PM on December 23, 2020

Your spotify was mid-nineties-flannel-shirt-comedy-dweeb-90s-middle-school-rock bad.

Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

balding-weezer-fan bad
hxcore-falsetto bad
dads-still-cool bad
adult-skateboarder bad
retiree-softball-league bad

Well, yeah...
posted by WinnipegDragon at 12:25 PM on December 23, 2020

"Your spotify was parody-song-showtunes-mercury-mustache bad." Also "comedy-dweeb bad" and "minivan-swag bad."

Fair, fair. I'm also impressed that it's got so many different jokes. I haven't seen a repeat in this thread.
posted by Countess Elena at 12:29 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

This is absolutely the most fun I have had all month. Bless this AI for dragging me.

> Your spotify was stan-army-lieutenant-tommy-bahama-awkward-middle-school-slow-dance bad.

> Thank your obsessions with One Direction, mellow gold, and Bless the Broken Road for that.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> low-cut-jean-pop bad

> pleated-khakis bad

> boy-band bad

> never-turn-down-a-microphone bad

> retirement-home bad

> Here's what else is going on in your aural trash fire:

You listen to these tracks too much:

I Choose You by Sara Bareilles
Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles
Bliss by Alice Peacock
Alone by Heart
Bless The Broken Road by Rascal Flatts

You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:

Great Big Sea
BBMAK
Rascal Flatts
One Direction
The Corrs

You are 7% basic. You're trying to impress with some obscure tracks like BBMAK. Nobody's fooled..

You're stuck in the 2000s. You know there's been good music since James Morrison, right?

That's it. I'm done.

I guess the important thing is that your music makes you feel good...
posted by ceejaytee at 12:39 PM on December 23, 2020

are people really clicking on an app designed to roast you and then getting huffy about being roasted

No.

I might be among the huffiest sounding people in this thread but I am arguing with an AI on a website the AI can't (to my knowledge, at least; when is the singularity, again? ) read. I am not actually huffy about this. I think this is hilarious, and I immediately reposted it to Facebook.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:41 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

> Your spotify was lilith-fair-mainstage-silent-generation-uncles-rat-pack-poker-night bad.

Accurate.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> swing-dancing-lessons bad

> classic-rock-radio-station bad

> tommy-bahama bad

> lilith-fair bad

> checkerboard-fedora bad

Mostly accurate.

> You've gotta get over Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes.

FROM MY COLD, DEAD HANDS
posted by tzikeh at 12:45 PM on December 23, 2020 [3 favorites]

Your spotify was folklore-evermore-dumbledore-witch-pop-drama-club-cottagecore bad.

I am being punished for getting caught up on Broadway during a pandemic.
posted by headspace at 12:46 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Argh I am a pandora user. I suppose I will miss this bit of fun.

I'm a '7 crates of CDs in the garage ripped onto an SD card' user. I don't use streaming services at all. So I miss all the fun.

(except I can still listen to my own choice of music on planes, on ships, in hospital X-ray rooms, and anywhere else there isn't an internet connection)
posted by Cardinal Fang at 12:48 PM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

Your spotify was sad-knowledge-worker-craft-beer-snob-punk-with-grandchildren bad.

Not a grandfather yet but um, yeah.
posted by octothorpe at 12:48 PM on December 23, 2020

sacrifix: Does it give the same "Do you like this song?" to everyone? I got Don't Stop Believing.

Not only did I not get "Don't Stop Believin'," I have no idea what the song they played for me was.
posted by tzikeh at 12:52 PM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

The harshest burn on my age/musical taste came recently when I was remarking to my son how weird but neat it is that Built to Spill has such a devoted Korean fanbase. He explained to me that uh, that's not what "BTS" means.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:57 PM on December 23, 2020 [10 favorites]

17% basic. I'm ok with that.

>You're stuck in the 1990s.

Yeah, and ...?
posted by hydra77 at 1:06 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I used Spotify as my primary source of music back when there were some great music discovery third-party plugins. I spent 2012-2014 really branching out of the whole "music from your formative years" playlists. Then they locked their API - and put some blend of 25 of the same 100 songs on my 'personalized' weekly list every week.
Then I had 2 children - and used my primary (only) spotify account to play what they want to hear. All of my end-of-year 'wrapped' lists and 'for you' recommendations have been horribly, horribly broken for some time now.

Your Spotify was boomer-tommy-bahama-let-it-go- bad.
Based on your listening habits, I can also tell your spotify was...
>Ira Glass in your airpods bad
>80s dweeb bad
>middle-school-warped-tour bad
>wear-carrharts-to-your-desk-job bad - what artists/genres trigger this one?
>ska bad <---I love the simplicity of it.
posted by onehalfjunco at 1:07 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

oh and

> You are 14% basic. Mandy Patinkin - where do you find this shit?

rhamphorhynchus: Very US-centric categories of bad. What's a Williamsburg?

octothorpe: It's a small town in Western Massachusetts.

Not sure if serious, but I'm guessing it's referring to the neighborhood in Brooklyn, not the town by the Berkshires.
posted by tzikeh at 1:17 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

What I am loving about this thread is all of the artists you guys are listening to that are new to me--I'm going to go make a "People of Metafilter" playlist to find some new faves!
posted by tzikeh at 1:18 PM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

rhamphorhynchus: Very US-centric categories of bad. What's a Williamsburg?

octothorpe: It's a small town in Western Massachusetts.

tziekh: Not sure if serious, but I'm guessing it's referring to the neighborhood in Brooklyn, not the town by the Berkshires.

Huh. I just thought of the colonial recreation town in Virginia.
posted by Four Ds at 1:29 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Cardinal Fang: "(except I can still listen to my own choice of music on planes, on ships, in hospital X-ray rooms, and anywhere else there isn't an internet connection)"

Sorry to break this to you, but spotify et al. have 'download' options. So does netflix, etc.
posted by signal at 1:29 PM on December 23, 2020

You are 1% basic. Oh wow The Flaming Stars and Professor Murder! Your taste is so obscure that's so cool I bet you're super interesting..
You're stuck in the early 2010s. For you, music's been all downhill since Strand of Oaks made Goshen '97.

Oof
posted by MiltonRandKalman at 1:30 PM on December 23, 2020

You listen to these tracks too much: Pelléas et Mélisande, L. 88, Acte 3 Scène 1 "Une des tours du château": "Mes longs cheveux descendent" by Claude Debussy

What can I say? Tower Scene is best scene.
posted by fast ein Maedchen at 1:31 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I enjoyed when it asked my basic indie-folk self to play fuck/marry/kill between Sufjan Stevens, the Decemberists, and Iron & Wine.

For fuck/marry/kill I got Van Morrison, The Waterboys, and Sting.

Van Morrison recently released an anti-mask-wearing protest song, so he was kill. ....and, I had to go with Sting for "fuck", on the off chance that stuff about tantric sex is true.

....It did pick up on my Sufjan Stevens, though. But - it dragged on the Neville Brothers' "Iko Iko", which just, NO.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 1:33 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I rarely use Spotify. About the only time I stream music is a few boomer playlists I have set up on Amazon Music and I have Alexa spin them when I'm working in the kitchen. So this won't work for me. Apparently I am that rare music freak that still buys music and rips CDs. I have just less than 19K songs in my hard drive and there's just enough variation in there to make an algorithm like this confused. On the other hand it might just say that there's no way any human being needs to have this many Rush shows.
posted by Ber at 1:34 PM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

spotify et al. have 'download' options

I said, my choice of music.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 1:36 PM on December 23, 2020

> Your spotify was nineties-dorm-room-new wave-your-gen-x-is- showing bad.

Yep.

> Thank your obsessions with Pearl Jam, new wave, and NSYNC for that

I have no regrets.
posted by Kris10_b at 1:39 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Not sure if serious, but I'm guessing it's referring to the neighborhood in Brooklyn, not the town by the Berkshires.

The Williamsburg General Store is a pretty hip place, I'll have you know.
posted by octothorpe at 1:44 PM on December 23, 2020

> Your spotify was You-live-on-Chromatica-original-motion-picture-soundtrack-100-percent-that-bitch bad.
> lilith-fair bad
> k-pop-aficionado bad
> came-in-like-a-wrecking-ball bad
> adult-skateboarder bad
> parody-song bad

You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:
Kyle Dixon & Michael Stein
Ramin Djawadi
Starcadian
Dana Jean Phoenix
Lady Gaga

I had to look up Dixon/Stein, and that’s apparently the Stranger Things soundtrack, which is perfect work music for me. Ramin Djawadi did the Westworld soundtracks.

In conclusion, skycrashesdown is a land of contrasts.
posted by skycrashesdown at 1:44 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

When it asked me if I listened to BABYMETAL ironically, I was disappointed that I couldn't pick "at first"
posted by Reyturner at 2:09 PM on December 23, 2020 [6 favorites]

I use(d) Google Play for about 90% of my listening, and only listened to very specific things through Spotify, but the AI still pegged me: "horny-soundtrack-suburban-80s-barista-with-a-short-story-collection bad."

I mean, I do live in the suburbs and I have published a short story collection.
posted by Kitty Stardust at 2:18 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I guess the important thing is that your music makes you feel good...

Shutting down.

HEY
posted by curious nu at 2:25 PM on December 23, 2020

One of my insults was "like-country-but-smoke-weed-with-your-gay-friends bad" which is hilarious but I don't even know what triggered that one, Jolie Holland maybe?
posted by theodolite at 2:28 PM on December 23, 2020

As someone relatively invested in the google ecosystem, I use Youtube Music which I am currently training to only play female-voiced, grunge-edged pop/rock. Thus, while I can't join in the Spotify fun, I can rest secure in the knowledge that I am helping a far superior AI than this one chose the perfect banger to be played at my wake after it SkyNets.
posted by Sparx at 2:35 PM on December 23, 2020

What can I say? Tower Scene is best scene.

I was gonna argue for act 3 scene 4 cause the kid is a scene-stealer, but I gotta admit that the Tower Scene is pretty heavy...
posted by ovvl at 2:45 PM on December 23, 2020

I don't need an AI to tell me that I only listen to Belle and Sebastian.
posted by betweenthebars at 2:47 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

My fuck/marry/kill was Lady Gaga, Janelle Monae and Sparklehorse which felt particularly harsh because Mark Linkous of Sparklehorse killed himself. I get an AI wouldn't necessarily know that, but ...

This was fun but also felt unnecessarily mean. I get that was some of the point, but I also remember being like 24 and having so many music dudes shit on my taste in music because it somehow wasn't cool enough for them. And I get that was insecurity on their part, but I didn't necessarily need to relive it.

The people I know that like music genuinely love music. Do they love all music? No. But they also respect that other people enjoy music they may not (and vice versa). I love learning about new music from people and understanding why they like it. And I think plenty of people in my life have discovered music they didn't think they'd like through me.

(I am still trying to figure out what Spotify thinks "chamber psych" is because I apparently listen to a lot of it?)
posted by edencosmic at 2:56 PM on December 23, 2020

It lost me at "do you really listen to RAMONES??1?"
posted by RobotVoodooPower at 3:09 PM on December 23, 2020 [4 favorites]

PERSONALLY ATTACKED.

> Your spotify was dad-rock-80s-dweeb-nobody-puts-baby-in-a-corner bad.
>
> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...
>
> tommy-bahama bad
> sitting-alone-in-the-cafeteria bad
> don't-stop-believin bad

You are 2% basic. Jonathan Coulton and Sleater-Kinney? Where do you even find this shit?

You're stuck in the 1980s. You know there's been good music since Hüsker Dü, right?
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 3:12 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

I’ve been reading all the "Your Spotify was..." lines replacing 'bad' with 'core' and it amuses me just as much without being mean. Would also try 'scene', 'school', or 'real'.
posted by clew at 3:42 PM on December 23, 2020

Four Ds: "tziekh: Not sure if serious, but I'm guessing it's referring to the neighborhood in Brooklyn, not the town by the Berkshires."

Which is Williamstown anyway, aka Billsville.
posted by chavenet at 4:11 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

My Are you ok? artist was Robin Williams and ya, that fits.

> Thank your obsessions with Britney Spears, comedy (e.g., Robin Williams and Bill Engvall), and Pump Up The Jam for that.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...
> sandals-resort-swim-up-bar bad
> napping-in-your-mancave bad
> comedy-dweeb bad
> your-gen-x-is-showing bad
> aging-boy-bander bad

I'm not sure what the last one is supposed to mean, I don't really have any boy bands in my regular rotation but otherwise pretty spot on.

You are 25% basic. Yeah, you've got some obscure artists like Arkie Shibley, but your real top ones are ultra-mainstream like Queen..

I'm surprised my basic is so low because I like popular music. But I think that because I like popular music starting in the post war period and the Spotify population leans younger and mostly current my super main stream music appears obscure. So an Artist like Jan & Dean, The Playmates, The Clovers, Johnny Rivers, etc. might appear obscure to the AI even though they were main stream at the time. Plus probably some Canadian stuff.

You're stuck in the 1990s. You've gotta get over She Got the Goldmine (I Got the Shaft) by Jerry Reed.

I'll have you know "She got the Goldmine" was released in 1982 thank you very much.

All my specifics were sort of weird, including the Britney Spears poke. However my usage is probably throwing it off. To wit: 90% of my Spotify listening is either pod casts or one of two large (300+ songs) playlists I curate. Coupled with a bug in previous versions of the Android client where a shuffled playlist _always_ started with the first song in the play list the AI thinks I like certian songs way more than I actually do. One of those playlists has a Britney Spears song in it and it must have been song number 1 for a while.

I did just finish an Engvall marathon while I was laying patio bricks though.

Also I don't use the like feature except by accident but the AI leans on it. The only thing in my likes list was that Britney Spears song and albums from Robin Williams and Carlin.
posted by Mitheral at 4:17 PM on December 23, 2020

My fuck/marry/kill was grandson, Dream Theater, and Moby. I think the correct answer is obvious and it should have given me credit.
posted by liet at 5:40 PM on December 23, 2020

Is it actually possible to impress the AI?

I got stoned-itunes-visualizer-glowstick-new-age-infomercial bad, but I know it's bad so whatevs.
posted by ymgve at 7:11 PM on December 23, 2020

Your spotify was retiree-softball-league-suburban-80s-basic-birth-of-christ bad.

> Thank your obsessions with The Rolling Stones, new wave, and Winter Wonderland for that.

Umm, I don't get it?

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> ira-glass-in-your-airpods bad

> heavy-eyeliner-post-punk bad

> studded-leather-jacket bad

> stuck-in-the-fifties bad

Yeah, this just seems like a random insult generator.


> Here's what else is going on in your aural trash fire:

You listen to these tracks too much:

I Light my Cigarette, I See YOU There by Ensemble Economique
Beat by Bowery Electric
Moodswing by Seefeel
This Night by Nochnoy Prospekt
Hydrator by Moebius

I guess we're just gonna have to disagree on that.

You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:

Autechre
Boards of Canada
Amon Tobin
King Tubby
Aleksi Perälä

Yeah, no. I'm fine liking them.

You are 4% basic. What does that even mean? Verma and The Arms of Someone New? Where do you even find this shit?. Truthfully, you gotta search, but it's worth it.

You're stuck in the early 2010s. You must have peaked right around Brooklyn Raga Massive's Terry Riley In C.

Analysis finally complete.

I guess the important thing is that your music makes you feel good...
Full agree
posted by evilDoug at 7:22 PM on December 23, 2020 [2 favorites]

I was told my Spotify was manic-pixie-dream-girl bad, which is secretly delightful because I haven't dated in a while and the thought of being some poor woman's manic pixie dream boy is the motivation I need to get back on that horse
posted by Merus at 7:23 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Metafilter: stuck in the early 2010s
posted by blairsyprofane at 7:27 PM on December 23, 2020 [1 favorite]

Your spotify was instagram-your-tent-at-sunset-showtunes-lin-manuel-miranda-stan bad.

> craft-beer-snob bad
> potty-training bad
> only-wears-converse-allstars bad
> hey-i-can-play-wonderwall-on-acoustic-guitar bad
> you-know-more-than-one-lil-nas-x-song bad.

Eerily accurate. Except that I prefer hard cider and love my Doc Martens too. It also said "oh great another Rainbow Kitten Surprise stan" in there at some point - guilty as charged, no shame here! A++, would let it roast me again.
posted by Ann Telope at 7:36 PM on December 23, 2020

As much as I would like to take pride in my Spotify listening habits (I listen to so much 20th century atonal classical music with fewer than 4,000 listens!), the fact that my kids have commandeered the app on the family iPad and apparently listened to the Frozen 2 soundtrack on continuous repeat through the month of March spoils any sort of algorithmic analysis of my Spotify account.

Or does it? Am I just a try-hard middle-aged father trying to over-compensate for being subjected to the live version of Yellow Submarine for a cumulative 20 hours?
posted by alidarbac at 7:49 PM on December 23, 2020

This was by far the best burn I got:
> bought-a-dress-after-seeing-it-on-harry-styles bad

Not the case only because I don't have spend-thousands-on-one-dress money.

This list is also very funny to me:

You listen to these tracks too much:
- Having A Few People Over by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast
- Toxicity by System Of A Down
- Women Gotta Stick Together by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast
- Group Hang by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast
- I Love My Daughter (But Not In A Creepy Way) by Crazy Ex-Girlfriend Cast
posted by mandanza at 7:52 PM on December 23, 2020

"You're stuck in the early 2010s. You must have peaked right around Radiohead's A Moon Shaped Pool."

Except that album came out in 2016 so...
posted by ultraviolet catastrophe at 8:19 PM on December 23, 2020

> Your spotify was nobody-puts-baby-in-a-corner-alternative metal-addict bad.

*eyes prompt, queues up Rob Zombie*
posted by The Power Nap at 8:58 PM on December 23, 2020

"oh great another Chess In Concert stan..."

Listen here, motherfucker...

Also, it froze on the "fuck, marry, kill" thing.
posted by charred husk at 9:03 PM on December 23, 2020

It ridiculed my for Merle Haggard overconsumption (rightly so...) but then suggested I’m only 1% basic. If the Hag isn’t basic, who or what is?
posted by The Toad at 1:20 AM on December 24, 2020

> Your spotify was sexy-social-anxiety-r&b-ballroom-dancing bad

/ dreamy voice    oooh, Insult AI thinks I'm sexaaaay! 😍
posted by taz at 3:04 AM on December 24, 2020

fuck / marry / kill: what kind of uncaring god would make me choose between sleater kinney, miles davis, and king gizzard and the lizard wizard
posted by inire at 3:27 AM on December 24, 2020

So what you're saying is you've been isolated long enough that being insulted by a computer program feels like a nice social interaction?
posted by medusa at 8:35 AM on December 24, 2020 [3 favorites]

"You're stuck in the early 2010s. You must have peaked right around Radiohead's A Moon Shaped Pool."

Except that album came out in 2016 so...

Mine did this to me too - said that I peaked with The Beths' Little Death, which came out in 2018. The Beths weren't even a band in the early 2010s! And all the songs it said I listened to too much were from 2018 or 2020 (all The Beths) except for a Doobie Brothers song I was (okay am) obsessed with.
posted by urbanlenny at 9:04 AM on December 24, 2020

I hate that liking Volcano Suns pegs me as "so obscure."

Also: PJ Harvey and Throwing Muses != "Lilith," dammit.

Also also: No such thing as playing "The Sprawl (Album Version)" too much.

They brought a strong snark game, but none of the blows really landed.
posted by whuppy at 10:55 AM on December 24, 2020

I have a very large playlist for my four year old kid for driving around. He really likes Tennessee Ernie Ford and the theme from Rawhide.


> Your spotify was held-hostage-by-blippi-honda-odyssey-mason-jar-candle-from-target bad.

> Thank your obsessions with Blippi, children's music, and The Lumineers for that.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> lilith-fair-mainstage bad

> retirement-home bad

> moonshine bad

> sad-knowledge-worker bad

> get-into-fights-on-twitter bad

> Here's what else is going on in your aural trash fire:

You listen to these tracks too much:

My Pants Are on Vacation by Caspar Babypants
Me and Julio Down by the Schoolyard by Paul Simon
A Bushel and a Peck - from the Broadway show, "Guys and Dolls" by Doris Day
Foggy Mountain Breakdown by Flatt & Scruggs
Don't Stop Now by Daniel Rojas
posted by sciencegeek at 12:53 PM on December 24, 2020 [1 favorite]

One of my friends posted his on Facebook and his "Have you considered there's a reason nobody listens to..." was his own stage name. Just in case you were wondering whether the AI could strike a body blow when it counts.
posted by jacquilynne at 1:47 PM on December 24, 2020 [3 favorites]

One of my friends posted his on Facebook and his "Have you considered there's a reason nobody listens to..." was his own stage name. Just in case you were wondering whether the AI could strike a body blow when it counts.

Mine was my own band, so, uh
posted by OverlappingElvis at 2:50 PM on December 24, 2020

Lol. I feel seen.

Your spotify was twitter-fighting-walmart-hawaiian-shirt-pee-wee-football-pump-up bad.

> Thank your obsessions with Selena Gomez, mellow gold, and Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) for that.

> Based on your listening habits, I can also tell you your spotify was...

> real-hot-girl-shit bad
> 80s-prom bad
> still-watching-vh1-divas-live-clips bad
> escape-room bad
> mason-jar-candle-from-target bad

You listen to these tracks too much:
Gonna Make You Sweat (Everybody Dance Now) by C & C Music Factory
Jealousy by Bartees Strange
The Highest Flood by Forest Swords
Grains by Move D
Kill Dem Sound by Spectacular

You stan these artists to an uncomfortable extent:
Richard Thompson
The Rolling Stones
R.E.M.
The National
David Bowie

You are 13% basic. You're trying to impress with some obscure tracks like Grumbling Fur. Nobody's fooled..

You're stuck in the early 2010s. For you, music's been all downhill since The Vaccines made Wetsuit.
posted by frumiousb at 3:23 PM on December 24, 2020

Hm I haven't been able to use it since yesterday, it keeps saying "Spotify limiting how many people can use this app at once, so you'll need to wait or try again later."
posted by polymodus at 9:08 PM on December 24, 2020 [1 favorite]

> Your spotify was ken-burns-jazz-boomer-relaxation-dads-still-cool bad.

> Thank your obsessions with Miles Davis, mellow gold, and Paul Simon for that.

OK, I have never willingly listened to an entire Paul Simon song on Spotify, but they insist on playing him for me whenever I let them choose. I don't know what on earth has made them think I want to hear Paul Simon songs!

Also, my account was briefly hijacked last summer by someone in Germany who listened to some kind Middle Eastern - techno - metal that was so far from my taste that Spotify actually shut down my account on my behalf.

You're stuck in the 1980s. Forget about XTC's Mummer and move on.

This actually reminds me that I haven't listened to it in a while, must remedy soon!
posted by maggiemaggie at 9:34 AM on December 25, 2020

>> You're stuck in the 1980s. Forget about XTC's Mummer and move on.

> This actually reminds me that I haven't listened to it in a while, must remedy soon!

huh that’s weird i was pretty sure that xtc broke up after black sea. i mean the stuff they did when they got back together as dukes of stratosphear was pretty great though.

lol this ai thinks it can cast more shade on peoples’ music taste that i can that’s absurd look robot i am the john henry of casting shade on peoples’ musical taste the john henry except i don’t die at the end and i don’t share a name with an only okay album by a band that should have gone into making sitcom music long long before they actually did.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 11:22 AM on December 25, 2020 [2 favorites]

excuse me, did I just hear somebody making fun of They Might Be Giants, which this AI already did for me, seeing as they did 4 out of 5 of my top songs
posted by Countess Elena at 12:31 PM on December 25, 2020

okay but for real tmbg has not aged great, it's just they've not aged great in a way different from how most late 20^th century didn't age great. the sound of tmbg is the sound of middle class kids who've never taken anything seriously in their lives because they've never had to. they're classic dangerously disaffected gen-x, but with a straightedge nerd filter applied.

i will get into fights over this. there's two bands from earlier days that i've abandoned: tmbg and devo. i loved both of them to death but now i can't do it anymore.

*: an exception is made for mid-late devo, the oh-no-it's-devo stuff where they still had their sharp political analysis of the deep sicknesses of capitalist middle america (and could still produce legitimate bops) but had mostly grown out of their late-70s proto-incel animal house misogyny.
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 12:55 PM on December 25, 2020

You are 5% basic. You're trying to impress with some obscure tracks like Poe. Nobody's fooled..

Hey! Poe's not obscure!! [cries in dorm room]
posted by XtinaS at 2:02 PM on December 25, 2020 [1 favorite]

> You're stuck in the early 2010s. You only listen to Obama-era jams like Ali Baba by John Holt

Actual children wrote this program
posted by cotton dress sock at 2:43 PM on December 26, 2020

yeah no ai that thinks that poe is obscure is welcome in this <span style="color:blue">house</span>
posted by Reclusive Novelist Thomas Pynchon at 8:17 PM on December 28, 2020

Still can't get in. I guess I'm never going to have my taste in music questioned by an AI fed off Pitchfork reviews. Pity.
posted by jzb at 6:27 AM on January 2, 2021