"Kong bows to no one"
January 24, 2021 7:03 PM   Subscribe

Godzilla vs Kong - the first full trailer is now out. No dates available for release, but in the US, it'll be on HBO Max.
posted by cendawanita (131 comments total) 8 users marked this as a favorite
 
Well. That certainly looks like...

...something...
posted by Big Al 8000 at 7:13 PM on January 24 [2 favorites]


that is an awful lot of cast for Kong v. Godzilla.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:15 PM on January 24 [15 favorites]


My biggest takeaway is that aircraft carriers have a really stupendous amount of buoyancy.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:20 PM on January 24 [26 favorites]


I missed the last two movies in the series so I'd probably have trouble following the finer plot-points of this one.
posted by octothorpe at 7:29 PM on January 24 [33 favorites]


Everybody has a plan, until they get punched in the plasma bladder
posted by thelonius at 7:30 PM on January 24 [10 favorites]


I haven't seen this version of Kong myself, but fwiw for Godzilla, the current hollywood canon is the second era Godzilla-as-protector.
posted by cendawanita at 7:31 PM on January 24 [2 favorites]


I was just clued into the honestly really impressive cinematography and I must say I'm very excited.
posted by ChuraChura at 7:43 PM on January 24 [22 favorites]


Wait wait wait wait. The scale is all wrong.

Kong climbs skyscrapers. Godzilla STOMPS skyscrapers.

This is like pocket Godzilla or something. Again, scale is ALL wrong.
posted by hippybear at 7:44 PM on January 24 [23 favorites]


According to Wikipedia, the tallest Kong has ever been is 100ft and the smallest Godzilla has ever been is 160ft in the first film and lately has been much, much larger than that. I know the film makers are not consistent with the sizes, even within movies, but this just seems... silly? Godzilla should be able to just step on Kong and walk away.
posted by jwest at 7:45 PM on January 24 [8 favorites]


I will probably be drunk for that
posted by glaucon at 7:45 PM on January 24 [6 favorites]


I haven't seen the original. But, my money is definitely on the ancient, fire-breathing, building-sized monster who can cross an ocean under water. I'm fond of the 15 meter tall, emotive, fuzzy guy. But, having been captured with a single gas grenade and killed by a couple of biplanes suggests this isn't a fair fight. (On preview, what hippybear said.)
posted by eotvos at 7:45 PM on January 24 [3 favorites]


When do we get Mechani-Kong?
posted by octothorpe at 7:48 PM on January 24 [3 favorites]


In Kong: Skull Island, it’s suggested that Kong might still be getting bigger as of 1973, so that’s one way he could be big enough to fight Godzilla.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 7:50 PM on January 24 [7 favorites]


Sure hope the after-credits scene sets us up for Godzooky.
posted by mph at 7:52 PM on January 24 [6 favorites]


Not pocket Godzilla - traditionally he stomped one-story buildings but was about eye-level with skyscrapers - but definitely a much bigger Kong.
posted by Scattercat at 7:54 PM on January 24 [1 favorite]


In no way is this a spoiler, but if this happens, i will... definitely cackle unendingly
posted by cendawanita at 7:55 PM on January 24 [4 favorites]


I think a giant Gadus macrocephalus should fight an animated metal percussion instrument. They could call it Kodzilla vs. Gong.
posted by metabaroque at 8:01 PM on January 24 [6 favorites]


Can't wait for Cats vs Godzilla
posted by Ahmad Khani at 8:04 PM on January 24 [3 favorites]


The Butthole vs Cloaca cut!
posted by hippybear at 8:05 PM on January 24 [16 favorites]


A supergiant steppe-person of Turkic origin should fight an ancient reanimated megadildo.

They could call it Gokzilla vs Dong.
posted by lalochezia at 8:06 PM on January 24 [2 favorites]


I like how the long-range fighter jets are essentially buzzing the tower around Godzilla. Also, Kong punches must be magic if they're a safer bet than huge fucking bombs. And yeah, there's probably some yada-yada radiation thing to nullify the nuke idea against the lizard, but there are still plenty of large conventional bombs that are more damaging than even a very large ape fist.

Also, I'm not taking this too seriously, I've merely decided to eschew our current reality in favor of critiquing the one presented in this hilariously bad trailer.
posted by Godspeed.You!Black.Emperor.Penguin at 8:12 PM on January 24 [4 favorites]


If suspension of disbelief in a movie where a giant gorilla, with a magical child friend, punches a laser-shooting radioactive lizard, inside an aircraft carrier battle group, is a problem, cancel my appointments, I'm taking the afternoon off
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 8:27 PM on January 24 [20 favorites]


lalochezia, you might enjoy that movie where Superman is forced to find and destroy a planet-sized percussion instrument, the resonant frequencies of which threaten to destroy the Earth - Zodkilla vs Gong.
posted by sysinfo at 8:34 PM on January 24 [11 favorites]


GET HYPE.

I know a 10 year old who is going to go nuts upon seeing this and it's not just my inner 10 year old.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:35 PM on January 24 [8 favorites]


Well, now I see that metabaroque already referenced the prequel... that gong is trouble.
posted by sysinfo at 8:35 PM on January 24


Errybody seems to be forgetting that Kong is not just a large monkey, but one of the “Titans” in this franchise.

Also, he get’s power-ups from lightning in the original KKvG, which could be part of his power arsenal in addition to being a thumb-having tool-user against the “haliltosis” attack.

The little kid friend seems like a full rip-off of Shōwa era Gamera, honestly. Actually, the whole Godzilla’s not here to protect humanity, but here to restore balance to the world; Humans are just sort of in the way is straight up a motif of the later Heisi era Gamera.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 8:44 PM on January 24 [6 favorites]


KONG HAS AN AXE THAT CAN STOP NUCLEAR BREATH.
posted by robocop is bleeding at 8:50 PM on January 24 [7 favorites]


Interesting that they went with DK vs Bowser for the first movie in the Smash Bros Cinematic Universe
posted by oulipian at 9:02 PM on January 24 [27 favorites]


Lt. Worf, holding teacup delicately, nods:
Nice lizard. Big Monkey.
posted by bartleby at 10:46 PM on January 24 [5 favorites]


So at what point does Cherno Alpha wade into the fray?

Because today, we are canceling the apocalypse!
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 10:52 PM on January 24 [9 favorites]


So at what point does Cherno Alpha wade into the fray?
Good news! Note that Legendary is doing this. Legendary also did Pacific Rim.

So we could see Pacific Rim vs. Monster Island in the future!
posted by CrystalDave at 11:36 PM on January 24 [6 favorites]


Godzilla vs. Kong?

We're going to need a bigger bong.
posted by loquacious at 11:44 PM on January 24 [20 favorites]


I like this other than the song, which really feels out of place. Something more thunderous and dramatic would have been good. This isn't the F&F franchise, as much as I love those movies.

Scale-wise, I think it was established in SKULL ISLAND that he was going to grow a lot over the next decades? The scale doesn't bother me, and it's perfectly in line with the last time they fought each other!

Also, I like Adam Wingard. When he first started production he mentioned that the catering budget for this was bigger than the entire budget for You're Next, which cracked me up.

I really dug the 2014 film, didn't like KING OF THE MONSTERS, but I have high hopes for this one.
posted by brundlefly at 11:48 PM on January 24 [2 favorites]


I can't believe they have King Kong punching Godzilla in the mouth.
posted by rhizome at 12:03 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


I mean it lives up to the title right?
posted by brundlefly at 12:04 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


This has never really made any sense to me, and after the pretty damn awesome fight scenes with Godzilla vs the one true and proper King of the Monsters in the last film, meh? Godzilla breathes radioactive hellfire, and Kong is a fuzzy monkey. It feels like it should start and end with the scene in X-Men between Toad and Storm all over again:

Godzilla: "You know what happens to a fuzzy monkey that gets hit by radioactive hellfire?

Kong: "What?"

Godzilla: "Same thing as everything else."

Fire breath, terrible smell of burnt hair, end credits, Godzilla swimming out into the ocean.

Seriously, if Godzilla can take down a three headed (totally awesome) winged dragon that can shoot lightning and (checks notes) control the weather, I'm struggling to think of Kong having any chance at all, which is why he gets to bring a foreign object to the fight. These refs are blind, I tell you!
posted by Ghidorah at 12:18 AM on January 25 [30 favorites]


I have heard some rumors about the story for this film which might address the power disparity between the two critters, but I ain't gonna spoil that. If they're true, I mean.

Let's just say that kaijus gonna kaiju and I see no problem making the conflict work. If done right.
posted by brundlefly at 12:25 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


It's essentially a Superman vs. Batman-type fight all over again. Godzilla is too reliant on his powers, and not enough cunning. Kong just has his giant ape hands, but he also has his giant ape brain. I'm definitely putting my money on Kong. Just like Batman would wipe that smile off Superman's face with a well-timed sucker punch using kryptonite lined gloves, I'm sure Kong will pull it off with something devious.

I'm looking forward to it. And hoping there's a Pacific Rim-style mech that was left out of the trailer.
posted by Teegeeack AV Club Secretary at 12:28 AM on January 25 [4 favorites]


Looks like fun. But I wish whoever invented rap-rock would have their teeth fall out and hair grow back in their place.
posted by ishmael at 12:42 AM on January 25 [13 favorites]


Seriously, if Godzilla can take down a three headed (totally awesome) winged dragon that can shoot lightning and (checks notes) control the weather, I'm struggling to think of Kong having any chance at all, which is why he gets to bring a foreign object to the fight.

This is one of those, root for the team that beat my team in the playoffs so my guys will look better for only having lost to the champs, kinda thing isn't it Ghidorah?
posted by gusottertrout at 1:00 AM on January 25 [5 favorites]


I'm going skip this one and use my time to rewatch that eternal classic: The Monster From The Tar Pits.
posted by fairmettle at 1:26 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


It's always nice to see a new movie thread on the blue. That's all I got.
posted by Beholder at 1:33 AM on January 25 [3 favorites]


I have the memory of seeing as a small child in the mid-70s a poster for a King Kong vs. Godzilla movie where the monsters were depicted raging at each other each from upon the top of one of the World Trade Center twin towers. As if upon pedestals. I remember being absolutely thrilled by this poster, but my parents didn't take me to see it.

It looks like this must have been a re-release of a previous Japanese King Kong vs. Godzilla from 1963, in which the Twin Towers I'm guessing didn't actually feature. Anyone seen it?

I didn't make it all the way through the Skull Island Kong film because, although the retro visual feel of the film was intriguing to me, it mostly seemed like it had been hastily slapped together.
posted by bertran at 1:53 AM on January 25


If I can sit through Batman vs. Superman (with bemused side eye from Wonder Woman) then I am in for Godzilla and Kong settling their differences. And this reminds me of another epic showdown. If only the lizard and the gorilla could talk....

[The Man in Black holds his sword and takes a fighting stance, while Fezzik the Giant casually grips a large boulder in one hand]
Fezzik : We face each other as God intended. Sportsmanlike. No tricks, no weapons, skill against skill alone.
Man in Black : You mean, you'll put down your rock and I'll put down my sword, and we'll try and kill each other like civilized people?
Fezzik : I could kill you now.
[The Man in Black carefully lays down his sword, while the giant tosses the boulder aside]
Man in Black : Frankly, I think the odds are slightly in your favor at hand fighting.
Fezzik : It's not my fault being the biggest and the strongest. I don't even exercise.
....
[After some desperate dodging and grappling, which Fezzik calmly allowed, the Man in Black leaps onto the giant's back and wraps his arms around Fezzik's neck in a choke hold]
Fezzik : I just figured why you give me so much trouble.
Westley : Why is that --
[squashed against a rock]
Westley : ... do you think?
Fezzik : Well, I haven't fought one person for so long. I've been specialised in groups, battling gangs for local charities, that kind of thing.
Westley : Why should that make such a --
[squashed painfully]
Westley : ... difference?
Fezzik : You use different moves when you're fighting half a dozen people, than when you only have to be worried about one --
[falls unconscious]
posted by TrishaU at 1:54 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


mid-70s a poster for a King Kong vs. Godzilla movie where the monsters were depicted raging at each other each from upon the top of one of the World Trade Center twin towers.


I suspect you might be thinking of this poster from the 1976 King Kong remake.
posted by gusottertrout at 2:24 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


isn't it Ghidorah

I feel like I’m being accused of a conflict of interest or something. I mean, as I said when the previous, terribly named film was released, all of this “Godzilla is king of the monsters” stuff is objectively wrong, seeing as a giant monster, a glorious golden specimen, already exists and literally has “King” in its name...

Even so, dumb ape is dumb. Godzilla should win, and it should’nt been close.
posted by Ghidorah at 3:08 AM on January 25 [8 favorites]


These refs are blind, I tell you!
posted by Ghidorah


I do feel like there are some sour radioactive grapes being expressed here....
posted by GenjiandProust at 3:21 AM on January 25 [4 favorites]



I suspect you might be thinking of this poster from the 1976 King Kong remake.


I think you must be right. Looking through google images, I wager I got that poster mixed-up in my young mind with this other Twin Towers-themed poster for Godzilla vs Megalon which has the monsters in the same poses atop the Towers I was false-remembering for Kong and Godzilla.
posted by bertran at 3:42 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


Now, now, Ghidorah. King of Planet X, sure, no question, and damn straight the Venusians know who's the baddest space boss, but here on Earth, Godzilla isn't giving up the crown so easily. I mean, it isn't like it's an easy fight or anything, that three head gimmick is tough for any monster to beat. Most wouldn't stand a chance by themselves. Like, Rodan? No way. Heck even Hedorah would have a tough fight, but atomic fire breath Godzilla is a whole 'nother thing entirely.
posted by gusottertrout at 3:56 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


gusottertrout, to quote the holy scripture:

The king stay the king.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:02 AM on January 25 [3 favorites]


If I was flying a modern jet fighter with the ability to hit targets many miles away, I would definitely get close enough to a monster that it could hit me with its tail.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 4:12 AM on January 25 [9 favorites]


Kong has a secret weapon. He has an enormous volume to surface area ratio due to his size, a high metabolism secondary to his muscle mass, and is covered with fur. The only way he’ll be able to shed excess heat while fighting is by sweating profusely. The resulting BO would be completely incapacitating to those around him. No living creature could come within 100 meters of Kong without being overcome by dry heaves.
posted by dephlogisticated at 4:15 AM on January 25 [4 favorites]


Yeah but Godzilla can breathe fire. Don't tell me the olfactory membrane of a giant lizard is going to have any sensitivity at all when sulfurous flames are blowing across it on the regular.
posted by ardgedee at 4:37 AM on January 25 [3 favorites]


Aw just stick Godzilla in some snow and he'll settle down.
I just wanted to add that in.
posted by Katemonkey at 4:44 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Has no one seen the original? Lightning makes Kong stronger.

Oh, right. The original was stupid.
posted by phooky at 4:46 AM on January 25


I have it on good authority from a local 9 year old that this movie will be, and I quote, "Sick!"
posted by Fleebnork at 5:15 AM on January 25 [7 favorites]


Ok, so now I have late night questions.

How many members of MeFi are actually kaiju? And how the fuck do you type? Is there someone out there making gigantic mechanical keyboards? And do you prefer buckling springs or or linear switches?

Please don't eat/stomp/irradiate me or my city.
posted by loquacious at 5:22 AM on January 25 [10 favorites]


Size consistency or logic be damned, I'm pretty excited about how stupidly entertaining this looks. I previously used a US VPN and a US Apple ID with eBay-sourced gift cards to pay for HBO Max and watch WW84 on it, and I'll probably repeat that for GvK.

In the meantime, for no particular reason other than it's fantastic and I was reminded of it, here's probably the best scene (YT, 2:45) from Shin Gojira, the 2016 Japanese Godzilla revival.
posted by jklaiho at 5:35 AM on January 25 [6 favorites]


@Teegeeack AV Club Secretary - there is a mecha in the trailer if you look closely enough :)
posted by john m at 6:04 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


I'll be waiting for the porn parody.
posted by delfin at 6:07 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


according to my calculations, the clack from an appropriately sized model M for a Kaiju would produce a shock wave roughly equivalent to the Tunguska event.
posted by condour75 at 6:07 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Oh good another orange and teal movie with a blue laser beam shooting into the sky and numerous scenes of human beings staring awestruck at things the actors can't actually see in real life.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:19 AM on January 25 [6 favorites]


I've surprised myself a little by really enjoying the newer Godzilla movies.

Gareth Edwards' picture ended up being an interesting exploration of how much monster you really need to show in a monster flick to make it thrilling (as it turns out: just enough, through the hastily closed doors of a fallout shelter, to make you yell "oh, come on!" at the screen).

King of the Monsters ended up being a touch more silly but pretty damn fun (Mothra stan 4 lyfe).

I really like the Titans lore they're setting up along with Kong. It speaks to me as a bit of nod to our growing climate anxiety and the possibility that humanity will end up having to face these unstoppable natural forces whether we want to or not. But at least when they're kaiju we can hit them with a few fighter planes and hope for the best.
posted by fight or flight at 6:23 AM on January 25 [3 favorites]


"On HBO Max" means watching it on a phone. I don't understand this. I have no avenue to watch HBO Max on a television right now and I won't be watching any blockbuster in that format.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:29 AM on January 25


"On HBO Max" means watching it on a phone

Why would it mean that? Isn't HBO Max now on pretty much all contemporary smart TV platforms and a huge chunk of the old ones? And buying a Fire TV stick would be less than than cost of two movie tickets. So if you got left behind on the tech required to support HBO Max, catching up is pretty inexpensive, right?
posted by DirtyOldTown at 6:34 AM on January 25 [13 favorites]


This looks so terrible.
posted by jdroth at 6:46 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


The Card Cheat: "Oh good another orange and teal movie with a blue laser beam shooting into the sky and numerous scenes of human beings staring awestruck at things the actors can't actually see in real life."

I thought we'd gotten past that phase of film-making but I guess not. This looks like it's from the mid-2000s when they'd just started using color-grading and turned all the knobs to 11.
posted by octothorpe at 6:50 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Godzilla size chart. The 2017 version is just ridonkulously huge compared to the others. (I mean, they're all ridonkulously huge, but... you know.)
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:56 AM on January 25 [8 favorites]


Halloween Jack - That 300m Godzilla is from the (not very good) anime Godzilla: Planet of the Monsters. It's set 20 centuries in the future.
posted by thecjm at 7:03 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


You can see to get Kong back, they gave him an Executive Producer credit, and let him bring more range to the role.
posted by nickggully at 7:08 AM on January 25 [6 favorites]


Why would it mean that? Isn't HBO Max now on pretty much all contemporary smart TV platforms and a huge chunk of the old ones? And buying a Fire TV stick would be less than than cost of two movie tickets. So if you got left behind on the tech required to support HBO Max, catching up is pretty inexpensive, right?

News to me. My smart tv doesn't support it. All I know is I MIGHT be able to make it work by buying more stuff. Really unfair and confusing to consumers like me who already have streaming services to their television...WHY do I have to buy more equipment to see a streaming service when I already get streaming services? I know I'm getting old but this makes no sense to me and feels like a huge ripoff besides. Sorry for the HBO Max derail but I don't understand.
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:15 AM on January 25


tiny frying pan, Time Warner recently pushed HBO Max to work with smart tvs and Roku devices in order to increase market share. It's very possible it will work now.
posted by gwydapllew at 7:17 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Some of you are old enough to remember a time when you could not get through a mall entrance without passing an array of gumball vending machines, and at one time at least one of the machines was filled with little replica King Kongs wielding tiny Fay Wray (more likely Jessica Lange). The replica was so poor that the little person in Kong's fist could have been anyone.. cheap rubber, cheap production mold, hastily coloured (splash for the face, splash to differentiate the damsel in distress from the mighty fist).

To say I'm Team Kong and I will devour this stupid, stupid film is to say day follows night. May the worshipers of the cosmic reptile perish in the eternal radiation of Space Hell.
posted by elkevelvet at 7:17 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


Ooo thanks. I assumed it was by design and not a question of behind the scenes allowing access to happen. Interesting.
posted by tiny frying pan at 7:19 AM on January 25


I'm a little skeptical of the "Kaiju as mefites" theory, when the simpler explanation is that many of us are actually renfields of kaiju zombie brains-in-vats. I mean, it's only Science!
posted by bonehead at 7:25 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Don't tap on the glass btw.
posted by bonehead at 7:25 AM on January 25 [3 favorites]


When I was 8 years old, I found out that the 1962 version of this movie was going to be shown on TV. I got all my friends to come over to watch it. I was a huuuuge Godzilla fan and I'm still angry at the electricity makes Kong more powerful retcon they added. Big G should have squashed that ape.

100% team Godzilla.
posted by Eddie Mars at 7:29 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


I demand to know why Kong was not given a suit of flying armor.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:33 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Sure hope the after-credits scene sets us up for Godzooky.

The after-credits scene is just Kong and Godzilla, having utterly destroyed New York, pensively enjoying a shawarma.
posted by The Bellman at 7:37 AM on January 25 [22 favorites]


It's essentially a Superman vs. Batman-type fight all over again.

spoilers for Superman vs. Batman
posted by otherchaz at 7:45 AM on January 25


Kong! Kong! Kong!
posted by Tom-B at 8:49 AM on January 25


This trailer has exposed a deep factional rift in our household:

Team A: those who believe that somehow, a primate who apparently cannot swim can defeat a fire-breathing, radioactive, demon dragon who (as pointed out above) can cross an entire ocean nonstop. These people are wrong.

and

Team B: the people who believe the opposite of this.

Determining where I stand is left as an exercise to the reader. In any case, the trailer sure seems to make out Kong as the hero, but there's no way they're going to bury Godzilla, so herewith my prediction:

Kong wins this one but then the world realizes it needs both of them to defeat Tywin Lannister's mecha-Ghidora in the next installment.
posted by jquinby at 8:51 AM on January 25 [3 favorites]


It's pretty clear that Kong and Godzilla will fight, but then become BFF's who fight the true villain of the movie.

Have none of you ever read those things called comic books?!
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:55 AM on January 25 [9 favorites]


Does Mothra even have a cameo?
posted by sammyo at 8:56 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


I just hope it's a good, clean fight.
posted by mazola at 8:59 AM on January 25 [5 favorites]


Speculation on other parts of the internet seems to point to the Godzilla wrecking shit actually being MechaGodzilla (possibly supported by sightings of blueprints of same), and Actual Godzilla is going to turn up to file the world's most badass IP infringement claim.

Presumably Kong will join forces with Actual Godzilla to create some kind of 'zilla-Kong-'zilla sandwich.
posted by fight or flight at 8:59 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


Previously

If you read to the end of the article you will note the observation: "this specimen indicates the cloaca was extremely tight, suggesting a physiological response to existential terror. We need to run tests but we believe this cloaca belonged to Godzilla shortly before Kong kicked his butt."
posted by elkevelvet at 9:03 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


Presumably Kong will join forces with Actual Godzilla to create some kind of 'zilla-Kong-'zilla sandwich.

Ah, it appears you missed the added twist that Kong isn't in fact Kong, and is in fact a dingy Grape Ape who took a wrong turn and got separated from the rest of the Yogi Yahooeys during the final leg of the Laff-A-Lympics and ended up on Skull Island. It turns out Godzilla wasn't actually looking to harm the big ape, just return the vest and cap he found during his travels. And of course the little girl is really "Beegly Beagly" suffering from acute amnesia.
posted by gusottertrout at 9:28 AM on January 25 [4 favorites]


A couple of things:

1. Godzilla has grown to put the height into proportion to the largest buildings in the cities that are attacked; G needs to be big enough to be a Presence, but short enough that the buildings can screen for the late-film reveal.

2. Kaiju films rise and fall on two things: how impressive the monster action is and the human drama. The first American remake did a good job with both (I am not very aligned with "nuclear family trying to get back together," but it was a well-written and acted version of the trope). King of the Monsters was flashier but less effective than the first, but the human story had about four too many characters and was way less compelling.* I am a little nervous about this one, and the lack of the ability to see it on a big screen makes it much less of a draw. I guess COVID is the real kindg of the monsters....


* The father especially could have been just written out, and it would have made the film tighter. It's already overlong for a film, and there is a scene where the father pitches a silly fit, goes out and sulks in a helicopter, then gets called back in for a plot point. They could have trimmed 15 minutes out and lost nothing.
posted by GenjiandProust at 9:39 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
posted by lalochezia at 9:43 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Becaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuusssssssseeeeeeee
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:45 AM on January 25 [11 favorites]


I hope they keep the Interspecies Kaiju BDSM Romance against Corporatism aspect of the original, but I doubt it.

Yes; King Kong vs Godzilla (‘62) is about a budding romance between two monsters who don’t belong together but who need each other, pulled apart by a quest for TV ratings. It’s also about why we should NEVER give the U.N. expensive stuff like submarines or satellites.

Don’t believe me? That’s ok.

I went to a live “Creature Feature” style event several years ago where KKvG was shown for Valentines day. It was hosted by TWO luminaries of the NorCal “horror host” scene, Will “The Thrill” Viharo, and his guest Mr. Lobo.

I got mad blotto, but took extensive notes. And herein are the results of my analysis .
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 9:59 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


King of the Monsters was flashier but less effective than the first, but the human story had about four too many characters

Agree. Honestly, all I want is to see monster fights. That's it. The first Pacific Rim was about the best recent film in this regard. I want 90 minutes of monster mayhem and a post-credits scene that sets up the sequel. That's it. I don't care about human drama, I want robots and giant lizards and super-sized apes finding new and inventive ways to destroy landmarks and stomp, crush, throw, and eat people.

(I'm also available to help advise if anyone wants to re-do Alien Vs. Predator or Freddy vs. Jason. Have your people call my people.)
posted by jzb at 10:04 AM on January 25 [8 favorites]


Presumably Kong will join forces with Actual Godzilla to create some kind of 'zilla-Kong-'zilla sandwich.

Kong, Godzilla, Mothra, Gamera, and Rodan form a Voltron.

The first American remake did a good job with both (I am not very aligned with "nuclear family trying to get back together," but it was a well-written and acted version of the trope)

Nobody wants to remember the 1998 version but it wasn't so bad. Jean Reno was good in it.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 10:06 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


King of Monsters definitely was overlong in the human drama and setting up of the lore, when I wanted more kaiju fights. But the soundtrack was great, though that could be me fully buying into the nostalgia with the reworked original themes for the monsters.
posted by cendawanita at 10:12 AM on January 25 [3 favorites]


I'm quite fond of Godzilla 2000 which has all the classic elements: alien invaders, evil general with a personal vendetta, annoying kid.

It also has my favorite ending. "Why does he always save us?" asks the ingenue as the camera pans over Tokyo in flames as Godzilla stomps another building flat.
posted by Eddie Mars at 10:20 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Sorry, it's actually "Why does he keep protecting us?" Cue breath attack on the city.
posted by Eddie Mars at 10:41 AM on January 25


In G:KotM, Ghidorah being wreathed in storms and rains is great storytelling, but it makes for ABSOLUTELY VISUALLY MUDDY FIGHT SCENES WHICH IS ASS TO WATCH.

Why the fuck can’t these monsters fight during the daylight hours? Is there some kaiju union rule against it or something?

Populate the human cast with a bunch of cheap up-and-comers because NOBODY GOES TO A GODDAMN KAIJU MOVIE FOR THE HUMAN STORY.

Save money on the cast (who are NOT the draw) and spend it on the monsters (WHO MOST CERTAINLY ARE THE DRAW).

Huge hint: when people go to a wrestling or boxing or MMA match... THEY DO NOT TURN THE FUCKING LIGHTS DOWN SO IT’S HARD TO FOLLOW THE ACTION.

K:SI was the the only Legendary movie in this sequence to be done in daylight, and that was the right choice.
posted by Pirate-Bartender-Zombie-Monkey at 10:43 AM on January 25 [6 favorites]


> Save money on the cast (who are NOT the draw) and spend it on the monsters (WHO MOST CERTAINLY ARE THE DRAW).

Unfortunately the MCU series of movies have left a lot of A-list actors eager for parts in big stupid blockbusters like this because the right role can be light work for huge money.
posted by ardgedee at 11:05 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


I distinctly remember watching the "original" (meaning the first one I saw, in the mid-70s) and there was a newcast spliced in pointing out that even though Kong couldn't breath fire he had a much larger brain--in fact they held up some marbles to illustrate Godzilla's brain size. Given what we thought about dinosaurs then it made perfect sense to my six year old brain.

But the point stands people saying Kong can't win need to take his intelligence into account. He shows the ability to use tools in the trailer. He seems to have taken command of a destroyer to do battle with his mortal foe, orders it to deploy depth charges when Godzilla dives, and even has coordinated air support to even the odds. He's not stupid.

I can only assume the early scenes of him in chains are a result of his last mission, where he went too far and the brass wanted to sideline him, but dammit he's the only one with the guts to do what needs to be done! Please do not correct me if that does not tie in correctly with the last movie.
posted by mark k at 11:26 AM on January 25 [7 favorites]


Kong, Godzilla, Mothra, Gamera, and Rodan form a Voltron.

Ow. Ow ow ow ow.
posted by Quasirandom at 11:28 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


I just found a Kong that one of our dogs chewed the end off of. Maybe if they named it Godzilla it would have lasted longer.
posted by Foosnark at 11:37 AM on January 25 [2 favorites]


Kong! Kong! Kong!

Bambi! Bambi! Bambi!
posted by flabdablet at 11:41 AM on January 25 [1 favorite]


I just want to mention that when my dad was little he thought “Vs.” in movie titles like this stood for “visits”. So I am choosing to think of this movie in that sense and therefore will not be disappointed by whoever wins the fight. But will be disappointed if they don’t sit down for tea at some point.
posted by skycrashesdown at 12:13 PM on January 25 [11 favorites]


I demand to know why Kong was not given a suit of flying armor.

Morgan Freeman asked for too much money.
posted by rhizome at 12:34 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Eddie Mars, I remember flipping channels and catching just the end of that, and yeah, the “why does Godzilla protect us?” as, in the background, Godzilla is just wrecking the city is kind of priceless.
posted by Ghidorah at 1:59 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]


Star Wars fan: "The movies you like are dumb!"
Other Star Wars fan: "No! The movies YOU like are dumb!"

Godzilla fan: "The movies we like are dumb."
Other Godzilla fan: "Yes."
posted by straight at 2:10 PM on January 25 [9 favorites]


I will not be watching this one. I'm over with all the cgi extreme stuff. The 1963 King Kong vs. Godzilla was and is my favorite Godzilla (best pronounced with a low guttural Gojirra) of all time. I'll just get that out and watch it again thanks.
posted by charlesminus at 2:13 PM on January 25


I'd be more interested in this live-action Super Smash Bros movie if it wasn't just Bowser and Donkey Kong. C'mon, let's see Kirby, Peach, and Samus in there.
posted by straight at 2:19 PM on January 25


So when do they start fuckin'
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 2:24 PM on January 25 [3 favorites]


NOBODY GOES TO A GODDAMN KAIJU MOVIE FOR THE HUMAN STORY.

Really, really not true. Obviously, I can’t speak for your preferences, but a good human drama helps hold together what is otherwise random special effects. The best kaiju movies have strong human stories. Shin Godzilla managed pretty solid political satire, human struggle, and some amazing monster action. This is one reason the big monster-fests like Destroy All Monsters or Final Wars are amusing but don’t stick with you.
posted by GenjiandProust at 2:43 PM on January 25 [2 favorites]


I haven't seen King of the Monsters yet, but I thought both Nick Fury, Captain Marvel, Loki, & the Nova Corps vs Kong and Quicksilver & Scarlet Witch vs Godzilla were more enjoyable than I expected.

I particularly liked the bit in Godzilla where the kaiju were all attracted to nuclear weapons which could be used to lure them places. I thought that was a clever way to give the humans something to do besides pester the monsters with ineffectual weapons.

And the [REDACTED] opening credits was almost shockingly effective in the theater when you couldn't pause or rewind in response to all the tantalizing stuff you could almost read. I wish the rest of the movie had been that smart.
posted by straight at 3:10 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]


This looks loud and cheesy.

And my son and I absolutely will be watching it on March 26 with the couch pulled up to 4 ft from the TV, with the volume high, and with a huuuuge tub of popcorn, a beer for me and a root beer for him.
posted by lord_wolf at 4:04 PM on January 25 [3 favorites]


My 8 year old grandson is a huge Godzilla fan and so am I. I can't wait.
posted by doctor_negative at 4:20 PM on January 25 [1 favorite]


K:SI was the the only Legendary movie in this sequence to be done in daylight, and that was the right choice.

I have to agree: the fights in Pacific Rim only worked because they, monsters and mechs, were all glowing like they were dancing to 90s house music.
posted by bonehead at 4:25 PM on January 25 [4 favorites]


My wife and I have been waiting for this for five years...

But I am trying to figure out the overall "Machete order" for the last few English-language ones..

King Kong (2005)
Kong: Skull Island (2017)
Godzilla (2014)
Rampage (2018)
Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)
Godzilla vs King Kong (2021)
Pacific Rim (2013)
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 4:55 PM on January 25


So when do they start fuckin'

Message me.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 5:06 PM on January 25


My next punk band is going to be named Godzilla's Cloaca.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 5:12 PM on January 25 [2 favorites]


NOBODY GOES TO A GODDAMN KAIJU MOVIE FOR THE HUMAN STORY.

So you're saying my hybrid of "In the Mood for Love" and "Cloverfield" with blurry monsters and destruction quietly in the distance, in a bokeh background...you're saying this would be a bad pitch? There are human stories progressing all around Godzilla's destruction, you know.
posted by rhizome at 5:46 PM on January 25 [2 favorites]


Human stories can work - i'm super-invested in the 'friendship means mind melds & punching' in Pacific Rim, even the lesser PacRim2 for example. And Shin Godzilla is iconic for giving focus to the most boring part (to many ) of human society (and in many kaiju/tokusatsu stories), the bureaucracy, to great success. But the current reboot angle Legendary is taking isn't getting its ratio right some how. What works? What doesn't? Maybe it's like porn - I'll know it when I see it.
posted by cendawanita at 6:29 PM on January 25 [3 favorites]


Sigh. Now I'm picturing you gesturing up at a butterfly and asking "Is this porn?"
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:48 PM on January 25


isn't that ever a daily mood though.
posted by cendawanita at 6:59 PM on January 25


So you're saying my hybrid of "In the Mood for Love" and "Cloverfield" with blurry monsters and destruction quietly in the distance

This is... pretty much within throwing distance of what Colossal is.
posted by oulipian at 9:39 PM on January 25 [3 favorites]


Has no one seen the original? Lightning makes Kong stronger.

Ah, thank you! When I saw this trailer there was something nagging at the back of my brain about Kong having some sort of weird ability and that was it. It's been at least 40 years since I saw the original.

I was gonna say, oh lightning heals him like a D&D Flesh Golem, but no I think the Flesh Golem is a riff on Frankenstein's monster given life by lightning which is part of the Universal Dark Universe not the Legendary MonsterVerse. Gotta keep your 'verses straight.
posted by straight at 10:26 PM on January 25


Wait, I'm not as wrong as I thought. The project that became the 1962 King Kong vs. Godzilla was originally supposed to be King Kong vs. Prometheus about the big ape fighting a giant monster created by Victor Frankenstein's grandson. So maybe the whole lightning idea was a holdover from that original concept.
posted by straight at 10:38 PM on January 25


The movie I really want to see is King Kong and Godzilla vs. Bezos.
posted by flabdablet at 12:23 AM on January 26 [1 favorite]


"When it comes to Godzilla vs. King Kong, I think we can all agree it's a classic case of a prehistoric monster with atomic breath on one side, a gargantuan apex primate with preternatural strength on the other, and me in the middle on all fours getting my shit absolutely plowed"



(Well, I laughed, anyway.)
posted by mediareport at 6:29 AM on January 26 [1 favorite]


So Kong harnessing lightning is a metaphor for the primate using technology to usurp the dinosaur for dominance of the planet. Which makes the invasive alien Ghidorah the hierarchy-disrupting comet.
posted by straight at 10:19 AM on January 26


um, Kong and Gojira can't settle their differences and get rid of all those colonisers?
posted by glasseyes at 10:38 AM on January 26


So Kong harnessing lightning is a metaphor for the primate using technology to usurp the dinosaur for dominance of the planet

So let's game this out in the overall universe: the atom bomb vs. the transistor?
posted by rhizome at 2:12 PM on January 26


> So we could see Pacific Rim vs. Monster Island in the future!

What if Ghidorah is a kaiju that came from the inter dimensional portal at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean? And then Godzilla and King Kong and the Jaegers all have to fight the kaiju that come pouring out of the Breach.

A girl can dream.
posted by needled at 4:36 PM on January 26 [3 favorites]


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