In Virtual Court No One Knows if You're a Cat
February 9, 2021 12:58 PM   Subscribe

Things go wrong on zoom hearings all the time but they are usually not this hilarious. (SLYT) The judge followed up with a warning about the dangers of using filters in virtual hearings.
posted by SpaceWarp13 (68 comments total) 58 users marked this as a favorite
 
This is the best thing. That lawyer kitty is such a sad looking kitty!
posted by Superilla at 1:02 PM on February 9, 2021 [11 favorites]


So did anyone get found for contempt of court, fined $500, and jailed for 180 days? Or was it the judge who recorded it and gets to do whatever he wants?
posted by linux at 1:06 PM on February 9, 2021 [22 favorites]


I have no idea how these people got their cats wedged into their lawyers, or why
posted by rikschell at 1:06 PM on February 9, 2021 [66 favorites]


"I am not a cat" just became the most iconic line of 2021.
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 1:13 PM on February 9, 2021 [52 favorites]




Came here to post, overjoyed at this. Even better than the filter mishap at mass!
posted by pleasant_confusion at 1:19 PM on February 9, 2021 [10 favorites]


This was even funnier than I imagined it would be. Up next: KANGAROO COURT with 'roo filters!
posted by davidmsc at 1:19 PM on February 9, 2021 [6 favorites]


on the internet no one everyone knows you are a dog cat
posted by lalochezia at 1:22 PM on February 9, 2021 [5 favorites]


OMG. That expression, the cut out eyes, it looks positively Pythonesque... I'm guessing the assistant is having a hard time removing the filter because she's quietly dying of laughter.
posted by happyroach at 1:22 PM on February 9, 2021 [29 favorites]


was it the judge who recorded it and gets to do whatever he wants?

The YouTube account that posted it is "394th District Court of Texas - Live Stream," so... seems fine. Lots of court proceedings are available live, they're public records. Here's the judge's Zoom training session.
posted by BungaDunga at 1:25 PM on February 9, 2021 [10 favorites]


As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from uneasy dreams he found himself transformed in his bed into a soulful kitten.
posted by biogeo at 1:25 PM on February 9, 2021 [91 favorites]


How do we have a recording of this if there wasn't supposed to be a recording of this?
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:29 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


How do we have a recording of this if there wasn't supposed to be a recording of this?

Sometimes these things happen!
posted by thelonius at 1:33 PM on February 9, 2021 [2 favorites]


How do we have a recording of this if there wasn't supposed to be a recording of this?
It appears to have been posted by the judge (or their staff) so I’m assuming they could approve release since it didn’t contain the actual proceedings. I wouldn’t be surprised if they billed it as a training or educational effort trying to ensure it doesn’t happen again.
posted by adamsc at 1:39 PM on February 9, 2021 [7 favorites]


On the Internet, nobody knows you're a dog.
posted by flabdablet at 1:45 PM on February 9, 2021 [2 favorites]


Conversely, nobody knows you're not a cat (until you reassure them).
posted by wanderingmind at 1:47 PM on February 9, 2021 [11 favorites]


Do not mistake the face of a cat for innocence.
posted by srboisvert at 1:53 PM on February 9, 2021 [8 favorites]


We only have his word that he isn't a cat. I mean, wouldn't a cat claim that, in the right circumstance?
posted by amtho at 2:00 PM on February 9, 2021 [20 favorites]


As noted in the comments, "I am not a cat" is just what a cat lawyer would say.
posted by The Bellman at 2:00 PM on February 9, 2021 [41 favorites]


This video was released by the judge, Roy Ferguson, as an "educational aid". Judge Ferguson has also recently held a ceremony to allow attorneys to renew their vows to protect the constitution and rule of law after the recent terrorist attack on the Capitol (YouTube), and routinely runs mock jury selections for high school students as an educational outreach process; the defendants in these mock jury selections included Harry Potter, Luke Skywalker and Kylo Ren.
posted by Superilla at 2:13 PM on February 9, 2021 [41 favorites]


I want to give the lawyer all the snuggles and rub his fuzzy belly.
posted by Joe in Australia at 2:15 PM on February 9, 2021 [12 favorites]


The assistant is trying to remove the filter, but

Lawyer: "I'm prepared to go forward with it, and, if that's .... I'm here live, that's not ... I'm not a cat."

*beat*

*beat*

*beat*

Judge, tentatively: "I can, I can see that."

Those few seconds before "I can see that" ... it might be network lag or it might be the judge trying to work out how to respond to this offer.

"These fun moments are a by-product of the legal profession's dedication to ensuring that the justice system continues to function in these tough times. Everyone involved handled it with dignity, and the filtered lawyer showed incredible grace. True professionalism all around! .... Media outlets, you may use the video. It was recorded during a virtual hearing in the 394th DC of TX, and released for educational purposes. It is crucial that this not be used to mock the lawyers, but instead to exemplify the legal community's dedication to the cause of justice."
posted by brainwane at 2:20 PM on February 9, 2021 [31 favorites]


It is crucial that this not be used to mock the lawyers, but instead to exemplify the legal community's dedication to the cause of justice.

I'm sure the attorneys that have been passing this around have been doing precisely that.
posted by jquinby at 2:30 PM on February 9, 2021 [18 favorites]


I know this isn't askmetafilter, but how do I get this cat filter? It's not in my Zoom on MacOS and I just updated to check.
posted by advicepig at 2:35 PM on February 9, 2021 [6 favorites]


Seriously considering attending all Zoom meetings going forward as a cat.
posted by maddieD at 2:49 PM on February 9, 2021 [17 favorites]


I guess there are much worse mistakes one can make on a Zoom call
posted by gottabefunky at 2:56 PM on February 9, 2021 [10 favorites]


That cat just lied to a judge!
posted by roger ackroyd at 2:56 PM on February 9, 2021 [23 favorites]


(Most of which seem to be caused by what can only be described as a diabolical bit of UI misdesign: how it actually takes two clicks to get off a call.)
posted by gottabefunky at 2:57 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


Seems like this judge was the ideal purrson for this to happen in front of.
posted by Exceptional_Hubris at 3:00 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


"I'm not cat."

"I can see that."


You patently can not see that.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:01 PM on February 9, 2021 [44 favorites]


how it actually takes two clicks to get off a call.

Not if you turn off Ask me to confirm when I leave a meeting .
posted by zamboni at 3:25 PM on February 9, 2021 [2 favorites]


There's a plaintive, forlorn quality to the lawyer's voice that goes so perfectly with both the situation and with the cat's expression
posted by treepour at 3:25 PM on February 9, 2021 [48 favorites]


a diabolical bit of UI misdesign: how it actually takes two clicks to get off a call

Brian Moore feels your pain...
I always awkwardly struggle to get to the end call button on video calls. So I made this pic.twitter.com/4z4zsxNkeQ

— Brian Moore (@lanewinfield) December 16, 2020
posted by The Bellman at 3:26 PM on February 9, 2021 [6 favorites]


You notice he never actually stated on the record that he was human, though. What is he hiding?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:29 PM on February 9, 2021 [7 favorites]


I believe I covered that upthread.
posted by flabdablet at 3:33 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


Honestly? I was impressed that the judge immediately knew what the problem was and even knew how to fix it (you can hear him start the tech support walkthrough right at the end).
posted by oddman at 3:34 PM on February 9, 2021 [4 favorites]


I'm guessing this wasn't his first rodeo, lawyers-with-embarrassing-filters-wise
posted by sideshow at 3:44 PM on February 9, 2021 [3 favorites]


I wonder if there's a rodeo clown filter... BRB
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 3:46 PM on February 9, 2021 [3 favorites]


"I believe you have a filter turned on ..."

I don't know, what gave it away?

I just started a new job and they're very into Teams meetings. I will hold off on such things for now but I'll be more and more tempted as time passes.
posted by edencosmic at 3:48 PM on February 9, 2021 [2 favorites]


This is good- made me chuckle. I think the eyes is what makes it!

(It's not a single link YouTube though, it's a video on twitter :) )
posted by freethefeet at 3:52 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


Shared this with my judge. Would that all the attorneys in our court did this. It would be a vast improvement.
posted by probably not that Karen Blair at 3:57 PM on February 9, 2021 [2 favorites]


Also reminds me of Craig the potato.
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:15 PM on February 9, 2021


That was hilarious. Why don't I have that filter on Zoom? So sad. I am about to start teaching a new semester and it would be an awesome first day look!
posted by pangolin party at 4:19 PM on February 9, 2021 [4 favorites]


To those asking how to get the cat filter: you can combine Zoom with a camera app that has filters to get a much wider range of filter options than you get through Zoom. Basically you download a camera app (like Snap camera, from the Snapchat people) and select the filter you want to use in that app, and then in Zoom select the camera app as your camera source.

Alas I do not know where this specific cat filter came from.
posted by misskaz at 4:27 PM on February 9, 2021 [10 favorites]


I am not a cat. Of course.
posted by Splunge at 4:37 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


I guess there are much worse mistakes one can make on a Zoom call

Better to be a Toonces than a Toobin.
posted by paper chromatographologist at 4:48 PM on February 9, 2021 [18 favorites]


Between this and Beavis Link (yes it is stupid but it is also amazing), today has been a bonanza of some of the funniest stuff I've ever seen on the internet. Good work everyone!
posted by oulipian at 5:14 PM on February 9, 2021 [5 favorites]


That cat just lied to a judge!

purrjury
posted by trillian at 5:15 PM on February 9, 2021 [48 favorites]




My guess is that he probably shared the computer with one of his children, who had set up zoom with Snap Camera or the like. Since the way it integrates is that it makes a fake camera entry and you choose it as your camera, it will persist across meetings. To Dad's later dismay. I'm assuming a kid because if he had done it himself he'd be faster on turning it off!
posted by tavella at 6:50 PM on February 9, 2021 [2 favorites]


“I am not a cat, Your Honor ...”

“... And that statement accords with the - ahem - litter of the law.”
posted by New Frontier at 7:16 PM on February 9, 2021 [6 favorites]


Cat lawyer got Milkshake Ducked.
posted by rikschell at 8:07 PM on February 9, 2021 [9 favorites]


My cat also has trouble turning on the human filter.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:58 PM on February 9, 2021 [4 favorites]


I am about to start teaching a new semester and it would be an awesome first day look! pangolin party

I've suggested this to my academic friend who was the first to alert me to the video. I'll let you what happens. He also said that is the rare occasion when you do want to read the YT comments.
posted by b33j at 9:02 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


In Australian courts, when children are required to testify, they do it from another room with a video link and the court camera focused on the lawyer who is speaking, to make the experience as least stressful as possible. I wonder if using a kitten filter (or dog or favourite animal) would help even more, so that they're not facing a strange man in a wig. (I have the deepest respect for the defense lawyer, on the case where I was on the jury: he spoke very kindly to the child, and he allowed the defendant to testify - where the prosecutor helped him dig a big enough hole for the jury to find him guilty on all counts).
posted by b33j at 9:09 PM on February 9, 2021 [4 favorites]


The reaction of the other lawyer is underappreciated but makes it for me. Seems half asleep and then reacts to "I am not a cat" with perfect zoom lag.

Also I'm waiting for the mashup with this masterful edit of the impeachment. "we are generally a social people" "senators of the united states .. they're not ordinary people"
posted by joeyh at 10:05 PM on February 9, 2021 [1 favorite]


I'm guessing the assistant is having a hard time removing the filter because she's quietly dying of laughter.

You mean loudly. There’s no way to stifle the laugh on this one.
posted by azpenguin at 10:07 PM on February 9, 2021


To those asking how to get the cat filter: you can combine Zoom with a camera app that has filters to get a much wider range of filter options than you get through Zoom.

And for cats asking: U CAN FIND TEH LAWYR FILTR IN DA BOTTOM OV TEH BOX I FINKZ.
U PAI 4 IT BY TEH HOUR.

posted by rongorongo at 4:08 AM on February 10, 2021 [4 favorites]


I love how the guy on the top right looks like he's fallen asleep until he hears I'm not a cat and then wakes up.
posted by JanetLand at 5:38 AM on February 10, 2021


That cat just lied to a judge!

Not that surprising; I've heard there's a cat that's broken every human law.
posted by a snickering nuthatch at 9:36 AM on February 10, 2021 [13 favorites]


That cat just lied to a judge!

purrjury


Oh, there's gonna be litter-gation over those comments!
posted by New Frontier at 9:58 AM on February 10, 2021 [6 favorites]


Apparently Ponton is, completely unsurprisingly as a Texas prosecutor, a milkshake duck. This 2014 article from Reason (ugh, I know) details how after a one-night stand he instigated legal harassment against the owner of a vape shop that was so over the top it made national news. On top of that, he also bullied a young reporter who scrutinized the police and legal actions more closely.
posted by zeusianfog at 11:15 AM on February 10, 2021 [5 favorites]


Ponton is Cat Man, to clarify, not the judge.
posted by zeusianfog at 11:17 AM on February 10, 2021


ColdwarSteve’s take
posted by rongorongo at 4:18 PM on February 10, 2021 [2 favorites]


Similar thing happened in the House Committee for Financial Services.

Although funny, it makes me worried that either the Zoom UI is so bad that these filters are being added accidentally and transparently, or that other people (kids?) have access to these systems.
posted by meowzilla at 4:46 PM on February 10, 2021




Although funny, it makes me worried that either the Zoom UI is so bad that these filters are being added accidentally and transparently, or that other people (kids?) have access to these systems.

Viral 'I'm not a cat' filter is decades-old software. Turns out it's crapware that used to be preloaded onto Dells and had a known issue of just... being turned on by default. It ends up taking control of the webcam feed, so it's nothing to do with Zoom.

So this guy's computer is... vintage.
posted by BungaDunga at 6:37 PM on February 10, 2021 [5 favorites]


David S. Kemp@davidskemp

I love my students. This was the start of my 1L Written and Oral Advocacy class this morning. I am not a cat. @BerkeleyLaw
#LegalWriting
posted by sebastienbailard at 10:42 AM on February 11, 2021 [3 favorites]


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