Wizards and Wool

February 26, 2021 12:10 PM

An RPG themed shaggy dog story about book binding, economics, pre-industrial library science, animal husbandry, Wizard Cheese and the politics of Big Parchment.

The Adventurers finish their adventure, defeat the local “Evil” Wizard, and take over his Tower. Then, they loot the place. There, much to their confusion, they discover his library was not full of evil tomes of dark magic. Instead, the wizard filled it with books on sheep rearing, animal husbandry, and soil consistency for high quality grazing. These are much more valuable over a period of years, the ex-wizard would have pointed out before the Adventures came and trashed his tower, than books on necromancy.

posted by mark k (18 comments total)

Wizard’s Cheese is a hell of a delicacy.
posted by hippybear at 1:12 PM on February 26, 2021

This probably explains the importance of sheep in Settlers of Catan as well.
posted by notoriety public at 1:15 PM on February 26, 2021 [1 favorite]

I could be wrong, but this felt less like a shaggy dog story and more like a bit of fun world-building.
posted by explosion at 1:25 PM on February 26, 2021 [5 favorites]

I don’t think I get it
posted by sixswitch at 3:13 PM on February 26, 2021

I liked that quite a bit as a "just so" rationalization for why there are wizards towers and what might lead murder hobos to be hired to pillage them.

As in, a funny subversion of RPG tropes where the wizards aren't eViL and the hErOiC adventurers are actually hired by commercial confederations to protect trade interests which the wizards in due course of mundane wizarding inadvertently infringed upon.
posted by porpoise at 3:55 PM on February 26, 2021 [2 favorites]

This reminds me a bit of the old "Myth" series by Robert Asprin, which also started out with the mindset of "good wizards defending themselves from dangerous adventurers" and quickly deviated into fantasy capitalism. Also, "go kill this evil wizard" (who hasn't done anything worse than refuse to give a cut to the local merchant guild) sounds like a fantastic story hook for a tabletop game.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 4:02 PM on February 26, 2021 [5 favorites]

You don't make up the term "Wizard Cheese" unless you are setting up a punchline, but I definitely don't get the reference in the punchline. Maybe it works better in the original Elvish.
posted by team lowkey at 4:05 PM on February 26, 2021

liked that quite a bit as a "just so" rationalization

Yeah, that's what tickled my funny bone. Starting from a few "facts" like the price of parchment it constructs the generic fantasy world, where for some reason all the powerful wizards live in towers and only noobs are available to go on world saving adventures.

Oh, the perverse incentives of an economic system which underpays labor and rewards instead the ones who accumulate capital.

this felt less like a shaggy dog story

I tossed that in there because I wanted to warn people it would not work for everyone (and it obviously doesn't)--it's got that go along for the ride feel, and no, it doesn't end on a punchline.

But you're completely right, it's not a shaggy dog story. And now that's really bothering me. I make a twenty-word post and I get three of them are wrong.
posted by mark k at 4:24 PM on February 26, 2021

That was a fun read. Thank you for posting!
posted by cynical pinnacle at 5:00 PM on February 26, 2021

i mean it’s obviously a shaggy sheep story
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:01 PM on February 26, 2021 [5 favorites]

But you're completely right, it's not a shaggy dog story.

Not until one wizard finds out dire wolves produce superior parchment, and the troubles begin.
posted by solarion at 5:19 PM on February 26, 2021 [3 favorites]

"Wizard Cheese"

I literally read that as "wizard produced cheese," where food safety protocols are strictly followed, with highly standardized microbiology, and a deep understanding of the biochemical processes involved - to consistently produce comparatively high quality cheese.
posted by porpoise at 5:37 PM on February 26, 2021

wizarded process cheese food
posted by Huffy Puffy at 5:58 PM on February 26, 2021

Wizard Cheese is probably better than toe cheese
posted by cynical pinnacle at 6:11 PM on February 26, 2021

I thought this was going to be about Ascendance of a Bookworm.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 6:18 PM on February 26, 2021

The werewolf, in the scriptorium with a cheese dog.
fun read.
posted by clavdivs at 10:30 PM on February 26, 2021

Metafilter: ". I make a twenty-word post and I get three of them are wrong."

Feels, and mood
posted by Jacen at 6:44 AM on February 27, 2021

Earlier in the pandemic I was working on an Ars Magica adjacent game about wizard economics. Basically all about trying to create enough surplus value that the wizards can actually spend time wizarding instead of just helping their collection of peasants produce more food to support the otherwise unproductive wizards. Lots of farming-related spells...
posted by kaibutsu at 3:29 PM on February 27, 2021 [1 favorite]