August 11, 2002
4:02 AM   Subscribe

Is Freemasonry Satanic? replies with a resounding yes! and supplies this ominous map. Other sources are more explanatory and reasonable. Myths about the founding fathers of the United States are too numerous to count, yet there are some pretty spooky assertions, and musings on The Great Seal. Opponents include, and the exhaustive Freemasonwatch.
posted by hama7 (33 comments total)
H.P. Blavatsky is an interesting figure in this constellation, and her friend C.W. Leadbeater was an Anglican clergyman and a Thirty-third degree mason.
posted by hama7 at 4:10 AM on August 11, 2002 [1 favorite]

i would comment, but i'm too busy channeling the wisdom of my ascended master j. mimpton cleeb III.
posted by quonsar at 5:52 AM on August 11, 2002

i can't really comment as i am under the influence of harry potter
posted by quarsan at 6:01 AM on August 11, 2002

Secret Masonic leg baring ritual.

I can imagine this as illustrated in the old great Ripley's Believe it or Not newspaper comic.(379K) Like those ladies on the bottom right who form the US flag from their dress patterns when they scrunch up in a line.

From this entertaining, but even heftier download of a page from the Brighton School of Design. Strip cartoons in the Service of Information
posted by gametone at 6:36 AM on August 11, 2002

Another source of information can be found in this book, and if you've ever wondered about the link between Elgin watches and Masonry, you probabally need to keep your scorecard up to date.

Anyone in New York with a few hours to spare can also visit the statue of The Grand Poo-Bah of the Stonecutters in Flushing Meadows/Corona Park.
posted by Smart Dalek at 6:53 AM on August 11, 2002

Who keeps Atlantis off the maps?
Who keeps the Martians under wraps?

We do! We do!
posted by jokeefe at 7:18 AM on August 11, 2002

I read the stuff on these sites. All I can say is, these people have a creative imagination. This conspiracy theory is a stretch at best.
posted by Sonserae at 8:31 AM on August 11, 2002

Alexander Dumas (1802-1870)
celebrated French novelist because he always walked on tip toes as a child and seemed about to soar away was forced by his mother to Wear shoes of solid iron

Believe it of Not.

(it's all true)
posted by clavdivs at 8:48 AM on August 11, 2002

A year ago there was a thread that talked about the Mason monument to George Washington in Alexandria...but we started talking about Mason theories and DC maps in there. (Just for reference; not to be snarky.)
posted by jennak at 8:54 AM on August 11, 2002

The Lucifreric bunny head over the Capitol is chilling.
posted by kirkaracha at 8:57 AM on August 11, 2002

Anyone who has seen a shriner buzz around in their little car knows that beneath the doddering old goofball exterior lies the mind of an evil genius.
posted by canucklehead at 9:07 AM on August 11, 2002

They say they had nothing to do with Jack the Ripper, either.
posted by redsparkler at 10:30 AM on August 11, 2002

Jokeefe: Argh! That's going to drive me mad for hours now. What's the song you're riffing from? Arghhh... I'm sliding into productivity hell!

We do, We do!
posted by bonaldi at 11:29 AM on August 11, 2002

My grandfather was a Mason. He wasn't a Satanist. He was a Baptist.
posted by dweingart at 11:33 AM on August 11, 2002 [1 favorite]

bonaldi: the stonecutters song from the simpsons.
posted by quonsar at 12:00 PM on August 11, 2002

I used to be a freemason. Freemasons are not Satanists. In fact, I suspect you'd have a real problem finding a lodge that would accept you if you were a Satanist. Maybe start a death-metal band instead?

Seriously, though, millions worldwide are masons. If there were Satanism or anything else generally objectionable involved, there is no way it would still be a secret.
posted by alex_reno at 12:23 PM on August 11, 2002

The Antimasonic info site you link to, hana7, is actually a pro-masonic site cleverly disguised as an information site about criticisms of Masonry. It's a very well done piece of misdirection. The best part is the following sentence on the home page:
If you're absolutely sure that Masonry is wrong and you know this beyond a shadow of doubt, click here and go directly to some things especially for you!

Their link goes to ;-)

I knew a Freemason once who tried to get me interested in all the arcane rituals and symbolism. Reminds me of D&D. The real question: Is Freemasonry an obsessive-compulsive disorder?
posted by fuzz at 12:40 PM on August 11, 2002

Well.. they didn't include links to the page on Cutting Edge that claims Bush is as satanic as Hitler or anything like that. Maybe this can help in links to all this. Hehe.. :)

Conspiracy theories = fun
posted by RobbieFal at 12:50 PM on August 11, 2002

In the 19th century, people in Sweden thought that the Swedish Order of Freemasons ate children, drank blood and provided human flesh to the Turks (see here, in swedish, sorry). Ah, the good old days.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 1:23 PM on August 11, 2002

In France, Le Pen used to carry on about the "cabal of cosmopolitanism" between the Jews and the Freemasons. He's done a lot better electorally since he dropped that part of his story. Ah, the good old days.
posted by fuzz at 1:37 PM on August 11, 2002

There's oh so much more.
posted by hama7 at 4:14 PM on August 11, 2002

oooooh.., that should be worth the visit. :)
posted by RobbieFal at 4:40 PM on August 11, 2002

Wow, my whole family is full of masons, and I was part of one of the girls' groups when I was in junior high and high school. Back when I was "in office" we were invited to ride in the sesquecentennial parade in our town (it's a very small town). Someone came up and asked one of us, dressed in our white robes and purple capes (it's Job's Daughters, if you're interested), and asked "are you guys a cult?" My quick thinking friend said, "yes, we worship a head of lettuce named Ralph."

That experience has always stuck with me. I figure there's still people in that town who think we all worship that head of lettuce... I read those sites and have a good laugh every once in awhile. I love conspiracy theory. (Wow, that was long winded, wasn't it?)
posted by greengrl at 6:29 PM on August 11, 2002

job's daughters? i need a good boil-scraping. where's my potsherd?
posted by quonsar at 6:55 PM on August 11, 2002

My grandfather was a Freemason and a Shriner, my grandmother was in Eastern Star, my mother and cousin were Job's Daughters, and my uncle was in DeMolay. They wanted me to be in DeMolay, too, but it didn't quite take. Still, the first time I heard any of this stuff (from a college friend who went so far as to use the word "FreeMansons," I couldn't help laughing. My grandparents the satanists.

Of course, it would explain why the basement was off-limits.
posted by Acetylene at 7:03 PM on August 11, 2002

"My grandfather was a Mason. He wasn't a Satanist. He was a Baptist."

You say that like being a Baptist wins out over Satanism.

I was raised in the Baptist church, and I can name several "God-fearin', hooooooly brothers" that could give the Minions O' The Dark Lord a run for their money.
posted by JettSuperior at 9:26 PM on August 11, 2002

I was raised in the Baptist church,

you say that like it was an outbuilding in your dooryard. ;)
posted by quonsar at 9:39 PM on August 11, 2002

Well Jack Chick says Masons are evil satanists. So it must be true..
posted by Iax at 9:55 PM on August 11, 2002

bonaldi don't fret, here's the song.
posted by signal at 10:03 AM on August 12, 2002

Yes, well, that's the sort of blinkered Philistine pig-ignorance I've come to expect from you non-creative garbage. You sit there on your loathsome spotty behinds, squeezing blackheads and not caring a tinker's cuss for the struggling artist, you excrement!! You whining hypocritical toadies with your colour TV sets and your Tony Jacklin golf clubs and your bleeding Masonic secret handshakes -- you wouldn't let me join, would you, you blackballing bastards! Well, I wouldn't become a Freemason now if you went down on your lousy stinking knees and begged me!!

(Oh. Right. Sorry.)
posted by chuq at 10:28 AM on August 12, 2002

"you say that like it was an outbuilding in your dooryard. ;)"

Baby, I was raised in the South....there's a church on every other corner (the ones not occupied by churches have gas, er, FILLIN' stations).

"Well Jack Chick says Masons are evil satanists. So it must be true.."

Yep. I'm sold. I'll call my father and uncles and half my cousins RIGHT THIS VERY MINUTE and tell them to quit that messin' around!

Plus, I'll gank my momma's Eastern Star ring (there's a goat's head under all those precious stones, I just know there is!), pawn it, then send the money to Mister Chick for his upstandin' min-ah-stree!

posted by JettSuperior at 11:12 AM on August 12, 2002

Um, sorry for my fervor. I was in the Spirit.
posted by JettSuperior at 11:13 AM on August 12, 2002

Does this make the Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (DARPA) Satanic?

Because that would be pretty cool.
posted by quin at 5:26 PM on August 13, 2002

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