And his bio sounds like the worst dog in the world!
March 29, 2021 8:36 AM Subscribe
They're all good dogs, Bront.
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:55 AM on March 29, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 8:55 AM on March 29, 2021 [8 favorites]
this guy is super treat motivated and with some positive training and consistency...
I think this might describe most men I've met, including myself.
posted by Ashwagandha at 9:09 AM on March 29, 2021 [7 favorites]
I think this might describe most men I've met, including myself.
posted by Ashwagandha at 9:09 AM on March 29, 2021 [7 favorites]
Farts a lot and snores seems like a difficult combo for anything less than a house.
posted by Going To Maine at 9:10 AM on March 29, 2021
posted by Going To Maine at 9:10 AM on March 29, 2021
I love him.
posted by jessamyn at 9:12 AM on March 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by jessamyn at 9:12 AM on March 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
I am now prepared to uproot my life and move immediately to Illinois simply so that I can adopt this horrible, gross, and absolutely perfect tank of a dog. I love him.
posted by Dorinda at 9:18 AM on March 29, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by Dorinda at 9:18 AM on March 29, 2021 [12 favorites]
The copywriter has found their true calling in life.
posted by adamrice at 9:25 AM on March 29, 2021 [22 favorites]
posted by adamrice at 9:25 AM on March 29, 2021 [22 favorites]
I loled. :)
I have a chowder-type myself (she's a bowling ball, very friendly -- rudely friendly, and she loves women). It's not awesome when she tries to love random women on a walk - no hello, nice to meet you, she moves directly to 3rd base.
Thankful she's a neat drinker.
She doesn't snore, but my other one does. Turns out I miss that sound from the living room when I travel :)
posted by esoteric things at 9:27 AM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
I have a chowder-type myself (she's a bowling ball, very friendly -- rudely friendly, and she loves women). It's not awesome when she tries to love random women on a walk - no hello, nice to meet you, she moves directly to 3rd base.
Thankful she's a neat drinker.
She doesn't snore, but my other one does. Turns out I miss that sound from the living room when I travel :)
posted by esoteric things at 9:27 AM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
I sent this to a friend who wrote back "I know men that are gross and have no manners and still found a forever home so there's hope for Chowder"
posted by Gorgik at 9:35 AM on March 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by Gorgik at 9:35 AM on March 29, 2021 [9 favorites]
I think the first image here may describe the worst cat in the world - "the GG Allin" of cats, no less!
posted by Paul Slade at 9:46 AM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Paul Slade at 9:46 AM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
The pedigree of the name Chowder is no trifle
posted by elkevelvet at 9:50 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by elkevelvet at 9:50 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Me, as a child, seeing the title of Don Blush's animated film about dogs: That's a weird title.
Me, as a grownup who lives with a very good boy named Rango: [blubbering] All dogs do go to heaven!
Chowder is going to heaven and he's going to get adopted, too, because this listing is adorable.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:02 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Me, as a grownup who lives with a very good boy named Rango: [blubbering] All dogs do go to heaven!
Chowder is going to heaven and he's going to get adopted, too, because this listing is adorable.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 10:02 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
A lot of this sounds like my cousin's dog, an enormous Golden who thinks he is a small lap dog.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:02 AM on March 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:02 AM on March 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
"He’s got jowls for days, and they’re comin’ in hot. Right in your direction."
Right here was where I dissolved into giggles and love.
posted by gladly at 10:13 AM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
Right here was where I dissolved into giggles and love.
posted by gladly at 10:13 AM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
<3 CHOWDER <3
posted by praemunire at 10:50 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by praemunire at 10:50 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
I mentioned in a thread earlier this week that i love animals that are basards, and chowder sounds like a right basard. I'm in love. My dog is only a small amount of basard, because she's too timid to do whatever she wants and was trained well. Her most basard moment, a tale that I LOVE to tell and that her dad regrets, is this: her dad was home with her around lunchtime, made a sandwich, set it on the table, and went to the bathroom. Normally beetle does not steal food. She's done it less than 5 times in her almost 6 years. Well, he comes back, and the only thing on the plate are 2 slices of plain bread, unbothered. Pristine. He temporarily thinks he's going insane. Luckily our other roommate was there and witnessed him actually make a sandwich. He texts me a photo of the 2 pieces of bread laying, lonely, on his plate. "Your daughter ate the middle of my sandwich". I busted into laughter. I texted back: "Well, she doesn't like bread".
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:47 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by FirstMateKate at 11:47 AM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Man alive, until I started fostering, I had NO IDEA how difficult it was to write a bio that both let the dog shine and let you know what you were in for. My prevailing theory is that the perfect match is when the owner will give you a long winded tale about the latest horror their very good pup has perpetuated and be able to earnestly tell you what an asshole they are and that's why they love them. This writer is a sheer genius.
(Exhibit A was our last long term foster, who's bio it took me three months to come up with an intro that wasn't " if you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." He was a darling, homicidal ball of nerves w more than a few short circuits who was born to be someone's heart dog. His adopter reached out to the shelter asking for a dog that was being overlooked; their gotcha-versery is next week and I get verklempt every time they send the shelter updates w videos from his TikTok account where the dude is very clear about the fact that they saved each other.)
posted by jacy at 11:51 AM on March 29, 2021 [10 favorites]
(Exhibit A was our last long term foster, who's bio it took me three months to come up with an intro that wasn't " if you don't love me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best." He was a darling, homicidal ball of nerves w more than a few short circuits who was born to be someone's heart dog. His adopter reached out to the shelter asking for a dog that was being overlooked; their gotcha-versery is next week and I get verklempt every time they send the shelter updates w videos from his TikTok account where the dude is very clear about the fact that they saved each other.)
posted by jacy at 11:51 AM on March 29, 2021 [10 favorites]
I think the first image here may describe the worst cat in the world - "the GG Allin" of cats, no less!
Anything GG Allin reads as "shit smearer" to me, so if that's the case, yeah, worst cat in the world.
posted by dlugoczaj at 12:09 PM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Anything GG Allin reads as "shit smearer" to me, so if that's the case, yeah, worst cat in the world.
posted by dlugoczaj at 12:09 PM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Perfect bio for a dog who deserves to be adopted by Not Just Anybody.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:10 PM on March 29, 2021
posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:10 PM on March 29, 2021
"He’s got jowls for days, and they’re comin’ in hot"
This dog got lucky that he got fostered by one hell of a copywriter.
posted by GuyZero at 12:11 PM on March 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
This dog got lucky that he got fostered by one hell of a copywriter.
posted by GuyZero at 12:11 PM on March 29, 2021 [6 favorites]
Here's to love and appreciation for big dogs that are dumb as hell.
Our doggo will run to the door at top speed to boof and howl at anyone who knocks. That's normal, okay, sure. He will also run to the door to confront intruders if someone knocks on a door in a tv program. Or if a kitchen cabinet bangs shut in a way that evokes a door knock. All still mostly normal.
The way Rango sets himself apart is how, you can look him dead in the eyes, take your hand and knock onto the floor right in front of him while he watches you and he will still run to the front door to find out who the fuck is at the front door.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:14 PM on March 29, 2021 [29 favorites]
Our doggo will run to the door at top speed to boof and howl at anyone who knocks. That's normal, okay, sure. He will also run to the door to confront intruders if someone knocks on a door in a tv program. Or if a kitchen cabinet bangs shut in a way that evokes a door knock. All still mostly normal.
The way Rango sets himself apart is how, you can look him dead in the eyes, take your hand and knock onto the floor right in front of him while he watches you and he will still run to the front door to find out who the fuck is at the front door.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 12:14 PM on March 29, 2021 [29 favorites]
Sounds a lot like our Lady, aka Ironskull the Goofball Pitbull. Very loving, very sweet, very clumsy, a drama queen, and really freakin' gross.
posted by Foosnark at 12:48 PM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Foosnark at 12:48 PM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
This is great! This dog is decidedly not my kind of dog (I cannot do all the drool), but he really doesn’t sound like a terrible dog at all!
posted by obfuscation at 1:11 PM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by obfuscation at 1:11 PM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
I've read this repeatedly today because it's been a bad day and rereading it has cheered me up. I don't want Chowder but I love him and I imagine someone is going to read this and immediately think "that's my dog!" He sounds like a dog that would bring so much joy and laughter to the right home. I think he'll find one pretty soon.
posted by edencosmic at 3:49 PM on March 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by edencosmic at 3:49 PM on March 29, 2021 [5 favorites]
Oh, man, I had two dogs like this growing up. The best/worst. Good times.
Nota Bene: bulldogs are fast, very fast, over short distances. Like a bowling ball in horizontal free fall.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 5:52 PM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
Nota Bene: bulldogs are fast, very fast, over short distances. Like a bowling ball in horizontal free fall.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 5:52 PM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]
Leash Manners: Forget it. None. Get that harness ready and hold on tight. Chowder is gonna take you for a walk.
He’s got jowls for days, and they’re comin’ in hot. Right in your direction.
Those clean and dry clothes you’re wearing...well...they’re no longer clean, nor dry. Why didn’t you just wear dirty clothes?
This is the best shelter dog bio!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:02 PM on March 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
He’s got jowls for days, and they’re comin’ in hot. Right in your direction.
Those clean and dry clothes you’re wearing...well...they’re no longer clean, nor dry. Why didn’t you just wear dirty clothes?
This is the best shelter dog bio!
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 6:02 PM on March 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
That is a great bio and I hope he finds his perfect home as a result. He sounds like a friendly guy with good intentions, possibly horrible to live with but he'd be so much fun to hang out with for an afternoon.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:09 PM on March 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Dip Flash at 6:09 PM on March 29, 2021 [1 favorite]
Awwww! He sounds like Gritty in dog form. I love him.
posted by rewil at 6:38 PM on March 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by rewil at 6:38 PM on March 29, 2021 [4 favorites]
Kinda feels like just about anybody/puppy/kitty can find their soulmate, if only they can show this copywriter their true self....sigh...❤️
posted by Tandem Affinity at 6:44 PM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Tandem Affinity at 6:44 PM on March 29, 2021 [2 favorites]
Omg Foosnark - Lady aka Ironskull. My bowling ball pitty has a new nickname, thank you!
posted by esoteric things at 7:21 PM on March 29, 2021
posted by esoteric things at 7:21 PM on March 29, 2021
Bad news: His bio is gone, so we can no longer revel in his spirit and grossness. ("Embrace the gross.")
Good news: He was adopted!
posted by martin q blank at 8:38 AM on March 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
Good news: He was adopted!
posted by martin q blank at 8:38 AM on March 30, 2021 [4 favorites]
I saw on Facebook that he hasn't yet been adopted but that they have received so many applications they had to pull the bio. Lots of people want to get sobered on by Chowder. The bio is still readable there, as well.
posted by jacquilynne at 9:02 AM on March 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by jacquilynne at 9:02 AM on March 30, 2021 [2 favorites]
There’s an update! The writer continues to be a rock star who very gently calls out the legions of apps who disregarded her description of hard requirements for an adopter.
Link
posted by jacy at 6:47 PM on April 3, 2021 [2 favorites]
Link
posted by jacy at 6:47 PM on April 3, 2021 [2 favorites]
Oh good lord.
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:51 PM on April 3, 2021
posted by jenfullmoon at 7:51 PM on April 3, 2021
For those who prefer to read text on Facebook versus images of text on Twitter, here is the original post about Prancer.
posted by hydropsyche at 1:48 PM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by hydropsyche at 1:48 PM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
Oh my god that Prancer bio. A worthy challenger indeed.
Ok, I’ve tried. I’ve tried for the last several months to post this dog for adoption and make him sound...palatable. The problem is, he’s just not. There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man hating, animal hating, child hating dogs that look like gremlins.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:28 PM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
Ok, I’ve tried. I’ve tried for the last several months to post this dog for adoption and make him sound...palatable. The problem is, he’s just not. There’s not a very big market for neurotic, man hating, animal hating, child hating dogs that look like gremlins.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 10:28 PM on April 10, 2021 [1 favorite]
Aren't some of us all Prancers and Chowders, too weird and awkward to be acceptable to 99.5% of the population?
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:54 AM on April 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:54 AM on April 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
Chowder update! He's not adopted yet, but he's now in a foster to adopt home.
posted by gladly at 5:43 PM on April 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by gladly at 5:43 PM on April 11, 2021 [2 favorites]
“Also, mix some organic canned pumpkin in your dog's food if they got the evil farts.”
OMG thank you! I finally followed this advice for our blue heeler. We’ve been adding canned pumpkin to her breakfast for the past month or so, and her gas is now infrequent and mildly unpleasant instead of a daily violation of the Geneva Conventions. Amazing!
posted by malthusan at 5:13 PM on April 27, 2021
OMG thank you! I finally followed this advice for our blue heeler. We’ve been adding canned pumpkin to her breakfast for the past month or so, and her gas is now infrequent and mildly unpleasant instead of a daily violation of the Geneva Conventions. Amazing!
posted by malthusan at 5:13 PM on April 27, 2021
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Also, mix some organic canned pumpkin in your dog's food if they got the evil farts.
posted by Saxon Kane at 8:48 AM on March 29, 2021 [3 favorites]