Do you like...pancakes?
March 30, 2021 10:26 PM   Subscribe

I’ve resisted trying neural net pickup lines again, because more competent means more humanlike, which in this case means worse. Or the new neural nets might even copy existing pickup lines from internet lists, which would also be terrible. Human-written pickup lines are that bad. But with my paperback coming out, it seemed like it might be time to just try it and see. GPT-3 tries pickup lines, by AI Weirdness (previous AI weirdness).
posted by Hairy Lobster (51 comments total) 29 users marked this as a favorite
 
(Post formatting lazily stolen and adapted from filthy light thief's previous AI Weirdness post about Escape Rooms.)
posted by Hairy Lobster at 10:30 PM on March 30, 2021


If two AIs try to use these lines on each other, would they pass the OkTuring test?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:35 PM on March 30, 2021 [9 favorites]


No girl, I love you *because* you’re a doggo in a trenchcoat.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:00 PM on March 30, 2021 [16 favorites]


I laughed so hard my wife told me I had to get some sleep.
posted by Jonathan Livengood at 11:08 PM on March 30, 2021 [8 favorites]


Omg awesome!
posted by darkstar at 11:29 PM on March 30, 2021


I hear these all in the voice of Data’s daughter Lal.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:43 PM on March 30, 2021 [11 favorites]


If any Turing Complete being had ever said to me when I was single and still had my hair (my hair! :)) that I "look like Jesus if he were a butler in a Russian mansion" I would've melted into a puddle of goo and been their/its plaything for the rest of my life.
posted by riverlife at 11:59 PM on March 30, 2021 [19 favorites]


I am reading each of these in the voice of Madeleine Kahn as Lili van Schtupp in Blazing Saddles and I’m about to lose it
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 12:08 AM on March 31, 2021 [15 favorites]


I'm losing my voice from the screaming your hotness is causing... I'm so tired.
posted by flabdablet at 12:12 AM on March 31, 2021 [5 favorites]


There's a genre of 80s pop group, who would have had two or maybe three singles so successful they're essentially ubiquitous, and then (on idly checking up on them on Wikipedia forty years later) a string of records that you've literally never heard of before. CAPE FASHION would be a good name for one of these groups.

I mention it, because I can see Butterfly (Hop on one leg) being CAPE FASHION's third single, after the world-wide success of their first two records, which bombed so hard it made a crater the size of Minneapolis.
posted by Grangousier at 12:25 AM on March 31, 2021 [4 favorites]


"You look like Jesus if he were a butler in a Russian mansion."

Now that's funny.
posted by zardoz at 12:49 AM on March 31, 2021 [4 favorites]


You know what I like about you? Your... Long... Legs...

Swipe left.

Can I see your parts list?


Swipe left.

I will briefly summarize the plot of Back to the Future II for you.

Swipe right.
posted by chavenet at 12:59 AM on March 31, 2021 [16 favorites]


These sound like an AI standup comedian making fun of us.

"What's the deal with human dating? They're all like, 'You're looking good today. Want snacks?'"

"HA. HA. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE IT'S TRUE. END OF LINE"
posted by Horkus at 1:32 AM on March 31, 2021 [28 favorites]


Future Pop Tarts by Tracey Thorn

Please let this be a real thing.
posted by gimonca at 1:36 AM on March 31, 2021 [6 favorites]


You have a lovely face. Can I put it on an air freshener? I want to keep your smell close to me always.

This is incredibly menacing.
posted by mhoye at 4:02 AM on March 31, 2021 [10 favorites]


I love you. I don't care if you're a doggo in a trenchcoat.

No girl, I love you *because* you’re a doggo in a trenchcoat.

Is anyone else thinking of the 1988 Ninja Turtles cartoon?
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:25 AM on March 31, 2021


  • You have the most beautiful fangs I've ever seen.
  • I will briefly summarize the plot of Back to the Future II for you.
  • My name is a complicated combination of 45 degrees of forward motion, 25 degrees of leftward drift, 75 degrees of upward acceleration, and infinity and that is the point where my love for you stops.
  • I Love You, I Love You, I Love You To The confines of death and disease, the legions of earth rejoices. Woe be to the world!
Gotta admit, I would follow this AI to a dark alley and get into its car.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 4:46 AM on March 31, 2021 [17 favorites]


Would you like some more... pancakes?
posted by erniepan at 4:46 AM on March 31, 2021 [4 favorites]


pretty sure someone actually tried Butterfly (hop on one leg) on me.
it worked.
posted by lapolla at 5:28 AM on March 31, 2021


You're looking good today. Want snacks?

This would totally work on me.
posted by pangolin party at 5:50 AM on March 31, 2021 [15 favorites]


I Love You, I Love You, I Love You To The confines of death and disease, the legions of earth rejoices. Woe be to the world!

Gotta admit, I would follow this AI to a dark alley and get into its car.


I thought your date with ROU Woe Be To The World didn’t go anywhere.
posted by notoriety public at 5:51 AM on March 31, 2021 [5 favorites]


We were together for 130 microseconds! We had a drone together!
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 6:14 AM on March 31, 2021 [13 favorites]


AI Weirdness

For a brief moment my brain read this as a reference to "Weird Al" Yankovic.
posted by Strange Interlude at 6:22 AM on March 31, 2021 [4 favorites]


Hey baby, are your schematics compatible with this protocol?

I've never been to a con but this seems like the type of line that has definitely been used at one that is in anyway scifi related.

"Have you stolen anything today?"

This line is used by buying a second date. One of the motivations of this line is to avoid the awkward subjectivity of asking someone what you have stolen out of their garden, tool shed, and somewhere else. You may say something like, "Hey, I've decided to steal your car and use it for a short trip from work." This is a super-casual yet shocking pickup line.


This has at least as solid of logic as most pick up artist guides.
posted by Emmy Rae at 6:25 AM on March 31, 2021 [5 favorites]


You look like a stealth assassin from the clouds.

Thanks, I think.
posted by antiwiggle at 6:56 AM on March 31, 2021 [3 favorites]


You look like an angel... of death!
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:33 AM on March 31, 2021 [1 favorite]


If I told you you have a body like a spiral conch, would you hold it against my ear and sing the ocean to me?
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:35 AM on March 31, 2021 [9 favorites]


(Apparently, going days without much sleep makes me think like a confused neural net. That checks out.)
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:37 AM on March 31, 2021 [3 favorites]


Of the lot of them, Babbage is definitely the closest to functional.
"You're looking good today. Want snacks?" is gender neutral, multifunctional, and hits all the sweet spots. Would definitely be working in the wild.
"How many tattoos do you own?" has literally been used on me multiple times.
"I Love You, I Love You, I Love You To The confines of death and disease, the legions of earth rejoices. Woe be to the world!" I'm pretty sure this is a Lingua Ignota song, but in the appropriate context is definitely engaging and would provoke follow-up conversation!
"Have you stolen anything today?" Always good to check.
posted by FatherDagon at 7:51 AM on March 31, 2021 [3 favorites]


"Weird Al" Yankovic

Now I want to train a GPT-3 variant on Weird Al's lyrics and have it generate novelty songs under the name Weird AI Yankovic.

This is better than my previous idea of training one on a corpus of contemporary art and having it generate new works under the name AI Way Weird.
posted by The Bellman at 8:05 AM on March 31, 2021 [14 favorites]




"How many tattoos do you own?" has literally been used on me multiple times.

Ok, have, sure but: own!?

This is what I mean about that undercurrent of profound menace I mentioned above. Someone who has tattoos has been decorating their own body over the years as an avenue of self expression. Somebody who owns tattoos is definitely a serial killer who enjoys lampshades, upholstery and bookbinding.
posted by mhoye at 8:24 AM on March 31, 2021 [13 favorites]


Will you sit on my breadbox while I cook or is there some kind of speed limit on that thing?

I do not want to know what sort of disreputable behavior this convoluted euphemism refers to.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:05 AM on March 31, 2021 [11 favorites]


My name is a complicated combination of 45 degrees of forward motion, 25 degrees of leftward drift, 75 degrees of upward acceleration ...

Is this from the Ever Given?
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:07 AM on March 31, 2021 [11 favorites]


My tringle is slightly tingled if I'm told I have rainbow eyes. I also like the offbeat "Russian poetry translated into English" feel of some:
Are you a candle? Because you’re so hot of the looks with you.

I have to admit, I'm a non-techie older who doesn't even understand how we have something that can do this, even the nonsense lines. I'm living in the future, y'all.

These sound like an AI standup comedian making fun of us.


I bet AI makes fun of us all the time.
posted by NorthernLite at 9:21 AM on March 31, 2021 [1 favorite]


Is this from the Ever Given?

If this timeline’s analogue of the Culture develops from AIs developed to run our container ship fleets, we are so fucked.
posted by notoriety public at 9:22 AM on March 31, 2021 [2 favorites]


As soon as bars reopen, who among us will be the first to try these out in the wild?
posted by PhineasGage at 9:39 AM on March 31, 2021


You have the most beautiful fangs I've ever seen.

...as sung by Sir Elton.
posted by bonehead at 10:01 AM on March 31, 2021


I bet AI makes fun of us all the time.

Amazon's related product recommendations certainly do. Last week I got recommended a six pack of tighty whities and extra strong velcro for outdoor use and I am still thinking about what it means. Probably some sort of logic bomb.
posted by srboisvert at 10:01 AM on March 31, 2021 [6 favorites]


Now I want to train a GPT-3 variant on Weird Al's lyrics and have it generate novelty songs under the name Weird AI Yankovic.

Weird AI Yankovic parodies all the Cylon & Garfunkel songs.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 10:11 AM on March 31, 2021 [8 favorites]


You have the best French Toast I ever had!

This is not a pickup line. It is a next morning line after the real pickup line worked.
posted by AugustWest at 10:37 AM on March 31, 2021 [6 favorites]


I would definitely be intrigued by the pancakes line. Especially if delivered with such a dramatic pause.
posted by emjaybee at 10:55 AM on March 31, 2021 [1 favorite]


"Can I see your parts list?" is quite futuristic, the sort of thing two different alien races in The Culture might say to each other
posted by memebake at 12:54 PM on March 31, 2021 [1 favorite]


I will briefly summarize the plot of Back to the Future II for you.

It's good to be upfront about being a mansplainer. Just lay your cards on the table.
posted by medusa at 1:30 PM on March 31, 2021


And then explain how and why you did so.
posted by Greg_Ace at 1:45 PM on March 31, 2021 [1 favorite]


Somebody who owns tattoos is definitely a serial killer who enjoys lampshades, upholstery and bookbinding.

And someone who recognizes that across a crowded bar makes me feel seen and appreciated.
posted by FatherDagon at 4:02 PM on March 31, 2021


My name is a complicated combination of 45 degrees of forward motion, 25 degrees of leftward drift, 75 degrees of upward acceleration, and infinity and that is the point where my love for you stops.
I used this very pickup line the night I met my now-wife
posted by DoctorFedora at 8:31 PM on March 31, 2021 [3 favorites]


And then explain how and why you did so.

So you see right here, this is the mansplainer card. It lets you know that I'm a mansplainer. That means I'm a man, and I explain things to women, thinks that the women already know. Did you know that? I like to mansplain that first so that everybody is clear on what a mansplainer is.
posted by medusa at 8:42 PM on March 31, 2021 [1 favorite]


I don't get it.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:06 PM on March 31, 2021


"Have you stolen anything today?" should be followed with "Because you definitely have my heart" for maximum cringe
posted by ymgve at 9:28 PM on March 31, 2021 [5 favorites]


The Underpants Monster: "I hear these all in the voice of Data’s daughter Lal."

Ahaaa! That is genius. "Commander. What are your intentions toward my daughter?"
posted by Baby_Balrog at 9:33 AM on April 1, 2021 [3 favorites]


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