Malign Directive
March 31, 2021 3:55 PM Subscribe
Ryan’s Edits (previously) investigates the mysterious cases of Where Does Starfleet Get All Those Ancient Artifacts? and A Critical Analysis of Fashion in Star Trek.
Actually, I believe the transporter is the most dangerous system. How many episodes are begun with a transporter malfunction?
posted by Splunge at 4:31 PM on March 31, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Splunge at 4:31 PM on March 31, 2021 [2 favorites]
The holodeck makes heavy use of transporter technology so that all checks.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:36 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 4:36 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
Foci, did they have to reconfigure the main deflector array to emit a stream of cursulon particles? Or is this something where the invert the polarity of the warp field coils by replacing the dilithium with pure cursulum?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 4:42 PM on March 31, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 4:42 PM on March 31, 2021 [9 favorites]
I've visited people in the hospital who were deemed fall hazards and had been issued yellow socks to denote that status.
I'm guessing those brown sick bay socks Worf wears serve a similar purpose.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:50 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
I'm guessing those brown sick bay socks Worf wears serve a similar purpose.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:50 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
The transporter is dangerous for the people who use it, but it's never gained sentience and tried to take over the entire ship all by itself.
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:52 PM on March 31, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by Faint of Butt at 4:52 PM on March 31, 2021 [9 favorites]
Yeah. The holodeck is so dangerous, even it's expy in The Orville almost destroyed the ship.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:59 PM on March 31, 2021
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:59 PM on March 31, 2021
Alternate hypothesis: What if it was the artifacts all along?
The TNG episode Masks, makes it pretty clear that artifacts have been known to force themselves into the lives (and on to the shelves) of hapless space explorers. Starfleet officers are constantly being mind controlled to keep old flutes around or collect ancient orbs from faraway planets. It's clearly a big problem in the Trek universe.
Maybe something akin to an old mariner's tradition arose during the TNG era where crew members would keep an abundance of artifacts at the ready to symbolically ward off invasion by alien artifacts. Naturally, this tradition would be most visible among the Vulcans who achieved interstellar flight before humans.
posted by Avelwood at 5:01 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
The TNG episode Masks, makes it pretty clear that artifacts have been known to force themselves into the lives (and on to the shelves) of hapless space explorers. Starfleet officers are constantly being mind controlled to keep old flutes around or collect ancient orbs from faraway planets. It's clearly a big problem in the Trek universe.
Maybe something akin to an old mariner's tradition arose during the TNG era where crew members would keep an abundance of artifacts at the ready to symbolically ward off invasion by alien artifacts. Naturally, this tradition would be most visible among the Vulcans who achieved interstellar flight before humans.
posted by Avelwood at 5:01 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
but how was I to know that meant simulation the artifacts being fucking cursed. Why is that even possible?? Why the fuck is the Holodeck the most dangerous system on a starship??
I had a habit of falling asleep when ST:NG aired so maybe this happened, but here's a plot in my head:
Riker is stuck in a holodeck murder mystery sim with Worf, and the computer doesn't respond to Riker's commands. Riker becomes ever more despaired at the situation, accidentally destroying some of the evidence that would have been helpful in solving the crime. Eventually they focus on the murder mystery, hoping the program might end on its own. After it's solved, Worf ends the computer program, and as the scenery dissapers, Riker dissapears along with it, having never ben anything more than a Holodeck simulation in the first place.
posted by pwnguin at 5:02 PM on March 31, 2021 [18 favorites]
I had a habit of falling asleep when ST:NG aired so maybe this happened, but here's a plot in my head:
Riker is stuck in a holodeck murder mystery sim with Worf, and the computer doesn't respond to Riker's commands. Riker becomes ever more despaired at the situation, accidentally destroying some of the evidence that would have been helpful in solving the crime. Eventually they focus on the murder mystery, hoping the program might end on its own. After it's solved, Worf ends the computer program, and as the scenery dissapers, Riker dissapears along with it, having never ben anything more than a Holodeck simulation in the first place.
posted by pwnguin at 5:02 PM on March 31, 2021 [18 favorites]
That explains why Vash is allowed to operate freely by the Federation, at least.
posted by StarkRoads at 5:06 PM on March 31, 2021
posted by StarkRoads at 5:06 PM on March 31, 2021
Why the fuck is the Holodeck the most dangerous system on a starship??
Because 24th-century social media is full of freedom-loving “independent thinkers” who repeat over and over that people should reject the “so-called safety protocols” that Admiral Fauci is pushing. You should trust yourimmune system reflexes rather than let them be dulled by a nanny state.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:16 PM on March 31, 2021 [16 favorites]
Because 24th-century social media is full of freedom-loving “independent thinkers” who repeat over and over that people should reject the “so-called safety protocols” that Admiral Fauci is pushing. You should trust your
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:16 PM on March 31, 2021 [16 favorites]
Cursed objects? Why not? God (or someone powerful enough to be basically indistinguishable from YHWH, only going by one letter instead of four) regularly shows up to screw with two different captains, and in the second instance with the additional torture of her knowing that he could bring her ship home (after it was stranded on the other side of the galaxy by another weakly godlike being) in an instant. And yet another Starfleet commander showed up to a job that he didn't even really want, and in less than a week he was the Jesus of the local planet. And these are just the recurring quasi-gods. That's why they tend not to mention Christianity on the shows; it's just not that impressive next to, you know, the people that they run into at random almost every other week. "The Ark of the Covenant? You say that it melted, say, up to a dozen Nazis or so? That's cute. That thing over there that I'm using as a paperweight? Destroyed a Nazi planet. Oh, and you've also got the Holy Grail, makes people immortal? I'll give that to Guinan, she'll be impressed by that."
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:38 PM on March 31, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:38 PM on March 31, 2021 [10 favorites]
I refuse to accept Discovery as canon.
posted by sjswitzer at 5:44 PM on March 31, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by sjswitzer at 5:44 PM on March 31, 2021 [4 favorites]
I was sure that last link was going to be this.
posted by donpardo at 5:51 PM on March 31, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by donpardo at 5:51 PM on March 31, 2021 [3 favorites]
The transporter is dangerous for the people who use it, but it's never gained sentience and tried to take over the entire ship all by itself.
It does produce evil officers troublingly regularly, though.
posted by rodlymight at 6:28 PM on March 31, 2021
It does produce evil officers troublingly regularly, though.
posted by rodlymight at 6:28 PM on March 31, 2021
What if it was the artifacts all along?
What if the artifacts are some Ur-race synthesis of the Dominion shapeshifters and the mind-soothing disc-sorting hologame from, uh, The Game. They infiltrate entire civilizations by posing patiently as artifacts that discoverers can't help but find irresistible, and then lurk thereafter as figurative flies on the literal walls of influential military and civilian offices and quarters. They spy, they record, they exert telepathic influence when necessary to smooth things over. They run the occasional psychological experiment by causing "interstellar phenomena", like a ventriloquist that throws its thoughts instead of its voice.
It may well be that humans initially expressed disdain for the Vulcan tendency to inappropriately claim artifacts of other civilizations as personal trophies; we can imagine some intense diplomatic discussions about artifact salvage in the early days of cooperative exploration, etc, with Starfleet arguing a post-colonial position learned through hard centuries of Earth history. But beyond just the compromise demanded by joining/founding a galactic federation, the humans also fell quickly enough under the sway of the "artifacts" themselves, a network affect of acceptance and "well but in this instance, it's probably for the best..." apologia spreading like a mind-virus through human culture as it had through Vulcans long past.
And how better to get these "artifacts" into the hands of the humans than by creating planet-side situations that Starfleet crews would explore if not actively intercede in? A two-fold process of destroying violently those civilizations that have proven somehow immune to the telepathic powers of the artifact race, and using the wreckage and spectacle of that destruction to bring the humans into contact with, and under the thrall of, these living, scheming statues and busts and bas reliefs.
posted by cortex at 6:42 PM on March 31, 2021 [2 favorites]
What if the artifacts are some Ur-race synthesis of the Dominion shapeshifters and the mind-soothing disc-sorting hologame from, uh, The Game. They infiltrate entire civilizations by posing patiently as artifacts that discoverers can't help but find irresistible, and then lurk thereafter as figurative flies on the literal walls of influential military and civilian offices and quarters. They spy, they record, they exert telepathic influence when necessary to smooth things over. They run the occasional psychological experiment by causing "interstellar phenomena", like a ventriloquist that throws its thoughts instead of its voice.
It may well be that humans initially expressed disdain for the Vulcan tendency to inappropriately claim artifacts of other civilizations as personal trophies; we can imagine some intense diplomatic discussions about artifact salvage in the early days of cooperative exploration, etc, with Starfleet arguing a post-colonial position learned through hard centuries of Earth history. But beyond just the compromise demanded by joining/founding a galactic federation, the humans also fell quickly enough under the sway of the "artifacts" themselves, a network affect of acceptance and "well but in this instance, it's probably for the best..." apologia spreading like a mind-virus through human culture as it had through Vulcans long past.
And how better to get these "artifacts" into the hands of the humans than by creating planet-side situations that Starfleet crews would explore if not actively intercede in? A two-fold process of destroying violently those civilizations that have proven somehow immune to the telepathic powers of the artifact race, and using the wreckage and spectacle of that destruction to bring the humans into contact with, and under the thrall of, these living, scheming statues and busts and bas reliefs.
posted by cortex at 6:42 PM on March 31, 2021 [2 favorites]
Look at the pacific ocean and what we've done to it in the last 100 years and ask yourself what it must be like in a galaxy full of civilizations that lived and died before the first Earth creature took its first shuddering breath of air.
The main purpose of the deflector array is to sweep away artifacts as the Enterprise cruises to its next delivery of medical supplies.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:54 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
The main purpose of the deflector array is to sweep away artifacts as the Enterprise cruises to its next delivery of medical supplies.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 6:54 PM on March 31, 2021 [7 favorites]
My own personal headcanon RE: holodeck and transporter malfunctions:
The Federation is secretly The Culture. The various ships are sentient AIs, but they keep it on the down low from the bumbling organic passengers/ maintenance crew/ court jesters (aka the crews of the federation ships). Holodeck and transporter hijinks are just what happen when the ships are insufficiently entertained with exploration/missions/intrigue/inter-crew soap opera drama.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 7:00 PM on March 31, 2021 [18 favorites]
The Federation is secretly The Culture. The various ships are sentient AIs, but they keep it on the down low from the bumbling organic passengers/ maintenance crew/ court jesters (aka the crews of the federation ships). Holodeck and transporter hijinks are just what happen when the ships are insufficiently entertained with exploration/missions/intrigue/inter-crew soap opera drama.
posted by LeRoienJaune at 7:00 PM on March 31, 2021 [18 favorites]
They got a lot of the artifacts at Pier 1 / World Market? At least a lot of the bottles at Quark's; except for the 1999 teardrop Evian bottles that look like giant McCormick food coloring droppers.
But maybe some were being conveyed in those ubiquitous conical cargo pods? I always wondered what materials those were the proper container for. Especially since so many of the interior walls were made from US post office bulk rate shipping pallets; guess all that PET plastic never did biodegrade after all.
Oh wait, wrong conversation about artifacts.
posted by bartleby at 7:23 PM on March 31, 2021
But maybe some were being conveyed in those ubiquitous conical cargo pods? I always wondered what materials those were the proper container for. Especially since so many of the interior walls were made from US post office bulk rate shipping pallets; guess all that PET plastic never did biodegrade after all.
Oh wait, wrong conversation about artifacts.
posted by bartleby at 7:23 PM on March 31, 2021
The real artifacts were the friends they made along the way.
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:28 PM on March 31, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 7:28 PM on March 31, 2021 [8 favorites]
The Federation is secretly The Culture. The various ships are sentient AIs, but they keep it on the down low from the bumbling organic passengers/ maintenance crew/ court jesters (aka the crews of the federation ships). Holodeck and transporter hijinks are just what happen when the ships are insufficiently entertained with exploration/missions/intrigue/inter-crew soap opera drama.
I have a half-finished blog post about this I haven't published yet, but here's the draft:
You did notice that, right?
There's a lot of text out there about how Humans Are Terrifying Space Orcs, and there's obviously a lot about Star Trek series that doesn't really stand up to scrutiny, but but here's the thing: despite all their hemming and hawing about how Lt. Data was a unique and special synthetic intelligence, the fact of it is that moment LaForge asks the computer for "an adversary worthy of Data", the Holodeck delivers a whole-ass, self-aware parasentient synthetic intelligence in the form of Professor Moriarty at cost of a few minutes of CPU flex, and exactly nobody so much as remarked on it.
The implication is that human starship-class systems - and in all likelihood any and probably every human system bigger than a tricorder - are at the very least self aware and almost certainly supersentient, and from the perspective of any other guest or adjacent culture watching this happen, this must be astonishingly terrifying. Put aside the fact of humans are these unstoppable biological death engines that eat alcohol and capsaicin for kicks, fart methane and can walk off a gunshot; they travel the stars in the company of gods they've built for their own amusement and.. .they don’t even talk about it?
Imagine the discussion, at the Galactic Council Meeting:
I have a half-finished blog post about this I haven't published yet, but here's the draft:
Already, the children of Earth were the most terrifying creatures in the galaxy. They became the stuff of horror stories, nightly warnings told to children; huge, hulking, brutish things, that hacked and slashed and stabbed and shot and burned and survived, that built monstrous metal things that rumbled across the landscape and blasted buildings to ruin.I keep thinking about the intersection of the "Humans are terrifying, humans are in fact Space Orcs, (or Space Fae?) stories about how humans clearly the most dangerous and/or blessed aliens out there by far" stories that periodically bubble up out of Tumblr, and the somewhat painful realization that the Star Trek series is secretly a hidden prequel to Iain Banks culture novels, by dint of the whole Hidden Strong AI Everywhere issue.
All that preserved us was their lack of space flight. In their obsession with murdering one another, the humans had locked themselves into a rigid framework of physics that thankfully omitted the equations necessary to achieve interstellar travel.
They became our bogeymen. Locked away in their prison planet, surrounded by a cordon of non-interference, prevented from ravaging the galaxy only by their own insatiable need to kill one another. Gruesome and terrible, yes - but at least we were safe.
Or so we thought.
The cities were called Hiroshima and Nagasaki. In the moment of their destruction, the humans unlocked a destructive force greater than any of us could ever have believed possible. It was at that moment that those of us who studied their technology knew their escape to be inevitable, and that no force in the universe could have hoped to stand against them.
The first human spacecraft were… exactly what we should have expected them to be. There were no elegant solar wings, no sleek, silvered hulls plying the ocean of stars. They did not soar on the stellar currents. They did not even register their existence. Humanity flew in the only way it could: on all-consuming pillars of fire, pounding space itself into submission with explosion after explosion. Their ships were crude, ugly, bulky things, huge slabs of metal welded together, built to withstand the inconceivable forces necessary to propel themselves into space through violence alone.
It was almost comical. The huge, dumb brutes simply strapped an explosive to their backs and let it throw them off of the planet.
You did notice that, right?
There's a lot of text out there about how Humans Are Terrifying Space Orcs, and there's obviously a lot about Star Trek series that doesn't really stand up to scrutiny, but but here's the thing: despite all their hemming and hawing about how Lt. Data was a unique and special synthetic intelligence, the fact of it is that moment LaForge asks the computer for "an adversary worthy of Data", the Holodeck delivers a whole-ass, self-aware parasentient synthetic intelligence in the form of Professor Moriarty at cost of a few minutes of CPU flex, and exactly nobody so much as remarked on it.
The implication is that human starship-class systems - and in all likelihood any and probably every human system bigger than a tricorder - are at the very least self aware and almost certainly supersentient, and from the perspective of any other guest or adjacent culture watching this happen, this must be astonishingly terrifying. Put aside the fact of humans are these unstoppable biological death engines that eat alcohol and capsaicin for kicks, fart methane and can walk off a gunshot; they travel the stars in the company of gods they've built for their own amusement and.. .they don’t even talk about it?
Imagine the discussion, at the Galactic Council Meeting:
"The humans, we know the humans, but somehow we didn’t know this. As terrifying as they are, in our most desperate hours they have, inexplicably, appeared as allies. Among our largest galactic cohabitants, their presence is considered a mysterious if ominous blessing, for our smallest they are bafflingly a sword and shield, for no reason we can discern. But... this? How could we have known, or understood, this?"posted by mhoye at 7:30 PM on March 31, 2021 [49 favorites]
"Set aside their terrifying predilections, their monstrous history, the absurd resilience of their physiology. They travel the stars cradled in the arms of idle gods of their own devising and this is so unremarkable, so commonplace to them that they not only rarely remark on it, but they rarely so much as notice? How could we have even suspected this? What can we do, about this, about them, but play along?"
(Also on a more serious note, I genuinely believe that the frequency of appearance-of-artifacts in the Star Trek series compared to their on-air dates, as an expression of the evolution of our collective understanding of the nature of colonialism, is worth a critical investigation as far as pop-cultural studies goes.)
posted by mhoye at 7:52 PM on March 31, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 7:52 PM on March 31, 2021 [8 favorites]
Perhaps the computer is the only sentient being consistently on the ship. The crew are spun up in replicators with the memories and skills the current mission needs, then spun down when not required - which is why no-one ever learns anything.
The Federation is a communal dream space where the ships use throwaway crews to exchange information in amusing ways.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 7:55 PM on March 31, 2021 [25 favorites]
The Federation is a communal dream space where the ships use throwaway crews to exchange information in amusing ways.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 7:55 PM on March 31, 2021 [25 favorites]
The crew are spun up in replicators with the memories and skills the current mission needs, then spun down when not required - which is why no-one ever learns anything.
I fully support your proposed "Star Trek Is Secretly A Venture Brothers Spinoff" proposal.
posted by mhoye at 8:16 PM on March 31, 2021 [14 favorites]
I fully support your proposed "Star Trek Is Secretly A Venture Brothers Spinoff" proposal.
posted by mhoye at 8:16 PM on March 31, 2021 [14 favorites]
Are there any actual artifacts or are they all replicas. Once they beam it aboard the original is gone. Anytime they want they can make a perfect duplicate using a replicator. Do they even understand the concept of an original artifact in that kind of universe.
posted by interogative mood at 3:12 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by interogative mood at 3:12 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Do they even understand the concept of an original artifact in that kind of universe.
Well, they don't understand the concept of an original person when they murder them and send a copy somewhere with a 'transporter', so I think we can assume that ship sailed long ago.
posted by pipeski at 3:28 AM on April 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
Well, they don't understand the concept of an original person when they murder them and send a copy somewhere with a 'transporter', so I think we can assume that ship sailed long ago.
posted by pipeski at 3:28 AM on April 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
Do they even understand the concept of an original artifact in that kind of universe.
In this kind of universe, NFTs are being sold for obscene amount of money even though the digital media they represent can be infinitely replicated using trivial amounts of effort.
If you want to be cynical, there's probably some authoritative object registry where people can verify the provenance and record the ownership of artifacts and the really valuable objects are moved around in cargo containers to avoid transporters and maintain continuity of existence......
....but this is Star Trek and it kind of defeats the point of Star Trek to assume that an aspect of society is just as broken as our own except in situations where the story is allegorical and deliberately written to show how the Federation is recognizing that something may be broken / proposing a solution / growing and moving past the problem.
(Also, the transporters don't actually destroy things (see that Barclay episode) and I will fight the transporter-as-a-murder-booth interpretation as long as I have my molecules)
posted by RonButNotStupid at 3:43 AM on April 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
In this kind of universe, NFTs are being sold for obscene amount of money even though the digital media they represent can be infinitely replicated using trivial amounts of effort.
If you want to be cynical, there's probably some authoritative object registry where people can verify the provenance and record the ownership of artifacts and the really valuable objects are moved around in cargo containers to avoid transporters and maintain continuity of existence......
....but this is Star Trek and it kind of defeats the point of Star Trek to assume that an aspect of society is just as broken as our own except in situations where the story is allegorical and deliberately written to show how the Federation is recognizing that something may be broken / proposing a solution / growing and moving past the problem.
(Also, the transporters don't actually destroy things (see that Barclay episode) and I will fight the transporter-as-a-murder-booth interpretation as long as I have my molecules)
posted by RonButNotStupid at 3:43 AM on April 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
And to be cynical again for just a brief moment, who's to say that there isn't someone distributing perfect replicas of artifacts claiming they have some fraction of the original's molecules? We know it's a practice of the Ferengi to sell off little packets of vacuum desiccated remains whenever a Grand Nagus dies.
But again, Star Trek. Making cynical interpretations about the de facto workings of the Federation without taking the opportunity to explore how growth can be achieved is like writing a story where Superman doesn't care about collateral damage and willingly murders people.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:07 AM on April 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
But again, Star Trek. Making cynical interpretations about the de facto workings of the Federation without taking the opportunity to explore how growth can be achieved is like writing a story where Superman doesn't care about collateral damage and willingly murders people.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 4:07 AM on April 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
Foci, did they have to reconfigure the main deflector array to emit a stream of cursulon particles? Or is this something where the invert the polarity of the warp field coils by replacing the dilithium with pure cursulum?
Look, all I know is that that freak Tuvik pinched the shit out of me - they say it's an ancient Vulcan technique but I swear it's just severe neurological trauma - and when I came to consciousness in sick bay, shit was back to order again. Also, I might have ejaculated a bit because of the death pinch. At least that's what the Doc says but I could swear I saw him naked for the briefest moment when he materialized in sick bay wtf. Oh well, at least we didn't encounter Q.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:38 AM on April 1, 2021
Look, all I know is that that freak Tuvik pinched the shit out of me - they say it's an ancient Vulcan technique but I swear it's just severe neurological trauma - and when I came to consciousness in sick bay, shit was back to order again. Also, I might have ejaculated a bit because of the death pinch. At least that's what the Doc says but I could swear I saw him naked for the briefest moment when he materialized in sick bay wtf. Oh well, at least we didn't encounter Q.
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:38 AM on April 1, 2021
Do they even understand the concept of an original artifact in that kind of universe.
There was that one dude who kidnapped Data that one time, with the implication that scarcity was still a real thing that mattered to some people. He had a baseball card he was quite proud of.
posted by mhoye at 6:10 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
There was that one dude who kidnapped Data that one time, with the implication that scarcity was still a real thing that mattered to some people. He had a baseball card he was quite proud of.
posted by mhoye at 6:10 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
To me, it makes sense that it's all replicated. In other words, instead of ordering Earl Grey, Hot, you're ordering Picasso, Late Period. Being stuck on a starship for years, away from nature, you're going to want some plants and some art around you. Also, you're probably going to be divorced from popular culture to an extent, being so far from Earth or wherever, and are going to turn more to the timeless classics that don't 'expire' so quickly. Plus, the senior staff are older, and as you get older, you tend to move away from ephemeral, hip stuff.
posted by jabah at 6:13 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jabah at 6:13 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
They never actually developed faster than light / warp speed travel and transporters instead they just got lost a massive holodeck like simulation. Then someone built a holodeck inside the holodeck and that's why its so glitchy.
posted by interogative mood at 6:24 AM on April 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by interogative mood at 6:24 AM on April 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
Actually, I imagine that 10-year-old me, a 1970s Star Trek fan, would be delighted to know that 50 years hence people would be making "critical analyses" of the socks and knick-knacks in Star Trek.
posted by jabah at 6:35 AM on April 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by jabah at 6:35 AM on April 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
The Federation is secretly The Culture.
IIRC, "displacement", which is the Culture-tech teleportation, actually has a tiny but non-zero chance of going wrong and just making the displaced object disappear forever or something along those lines. It's generally only used in emergencies when there's not time for a shuttlecraft trip to or from a Culture Ship, but in non-emergencies does mean the Ship will reel off a kind of health & safety disclaimer about the possibility for failure. I feel like with the rate of transporter failure, the Federation could do with something like that
posted by EndsOfInvention at 6:41 AM on April 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
IIRC, "displacement", which is the Culture-tech teleportation, actually has a tiny but non-zero chance of going wrong and just making the displaced object disappear forever or something along those lines. It's generally only used in emergencies when there's not time for a shuttlecraft trip to or from a Culture Ship, but in non-emergencies does mean the Ship will reel off a kind of health & safety disclaimer about the possibility for failure. I feel like with the rate of transporter failure, the Federation could do with something like that
"I, [Name], hereby state that I have read and understand the document entitled Risks and Dangers Associated with Federation Transporter Use (fourth edition, 2355), and that I understand the small but real risk that I may die, be stuck in the pattern buffer for an undetermined amount of time, be split into two identical copies (one of which may or may not be evil), or suffer another risk to life and limb not stated here."Or maybe they just have to sign that once at the Academy.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 6:41 AM on April 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
Tangentially related to this post, I need to point out that the Fashion It So blog is still active.
posted by adamrice at 7:11 AM on April 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by adamrice at 7:11 AM on April 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
If the ship is an all-powerful sentient being that is just along for the ride, why do the Q (for example) not interact with it? Surely such a being would be of more interest to supernatural gods, than the less-impressive squishy waterbags.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:17 AM on April 1, 2021
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:17 AM on April 1, 2021
Counterpoint: Before they were reduced to space zombies in subsequent appearances, the Borg were originally more interested in the ship than anyone on it. In fact, Q keeps hammering home a point about how they share no common ground with the crew and it's impossible to relate to them.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:25 AM on April 1, 2021
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:25 AM on April 1, 2021
> "Then someone built a holodeck inside the holodeck and that's why its so glitchy."
It's Dwarf Fortress all the way down.
posted by kyrademon at 7:39 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
It's Dwarf Fortress all the way down.
posted by kyrademon at 7:39 AM on April 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
i really really need a Lower Decks episode now that involves sock uniform regulations, and one ensign's laser cat socks ending up saving the day.
posted by th3ph17 at 8:51 AM on April 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by th3ph17 at 8:51 AM on April 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
Riker is stuck in a holodeck murder mystery
Riker could never be stuck in the holodeck because he only ever straddles it like he would a chair.
posted by srboisvert at 8:58 AM on April 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Riker could never be stuck in the holodeck because he only ever straddles it like he would a chair.
posted by srboisvert at 8:58 AM on April 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
If the ship is an all-powerful sentient being that is just along for the ride, why do the Q (for example) not interact with it? [emphasis added]
That sort of answers itself. The ship is Q.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:34 AM on April 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
That sort of answers itself. The ship is Q.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 9:34 AM on April 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
Then someone built a holodeck inside the holodeck and that's why its so glitchy.
All we need is a devastating global nuclear war, a nigh-Butlerian genetic engineering taboo, several centuries of progress into a post-scarcity utopia within an inter-species galactic federation, and finally we'll be able to mostly pull of Minecraft running inside of Minecraft.
Tangentially related to this post, I need to point out that the Fashion It So blog is still active.
Ha, I thought of that too! I'm delighted it's still going.
posted by cortex at 10:08 AM on April 1, 2021
All we need is a devastating global nuclear war, a nigh-Butlerian genetic engineering taboo, several centuries of progress into a post-scarcity utopia within an inter-species galactic federation, and finally we'll be able to mostly pull of Minecraft running inside of Minecraft.
Tangentially related to this post, I need to point out that the Fashion It So blog is still active.
Ha, I thought of that too! I'm delighted it's still going.
posted by cortex at 10:08 AM on April 1, 2021
I've visited people in the hospital who were deemed fall hazards and had been issued yellow socks to denote that status.
I'm guessing those brown sick bay socks Worf wears serve a similar purpose.
This whole sock analysis reminds me of a family legend about the (perceived) meaning of socks.
My sister and I grew up doing community theater. One of her most memorable performances was when she played the role of "the boy" in Waiting for Godot.
The set design and costumes were all in neutral tones. The theater was pretty cold backstage, so my mother had given my sister a pair of fire-engine red slipper socks to keep her feet warm while she waited for her scenes. One night she forgot to take them off and came out onstage and did her thing wearing these bright red knee-high socks.
My mother was in the audience on the Infamous Night Of The Slipper Sock Slip Up and was mortified to see those socks onstage.
But the thing about the play is that it's notoriously confusing to audiences. My mom's embarrassment turned to amusement during intermission when she overheard this tidbit from an audience member:
"I really do have to wonder, what do you think the significance was of the red socks?"
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 11:50 AM on April 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
I'm guessing those brown sick bay socks Worf wears serve a similar purpose.
This whole sock analysis reminds me of a family legend about the (perceived) meaning of socks.
My sister and I grew up doing community theater. One of her most memorable performances was when she played the role of "the boy" in Waiting for Godot.
The set design and costumes were all in neutral tones. The theater was pretty cold backstage, so my mother had given my sister a pair of fire-engine red slipper socks to keep her feet warm while she waited for her scenes. One night she forgot to take them off and came out onstage and did her thing wearing these bright red knee-high socks.
My mother was in the audience on the Infamous Night Of The Slipper Sock Slip Up and was mortified to see those socks onstage.
But the thing about the play is that it's notoriously confusing to audiences. My mom's embarrassment turned to amusement during intermission when she overheard this tidbit from an audience member:
"I really do have to wonder, what do you think the significance was of the red socks?"
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 11:50 AM on April 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
I need to point out that the Fashion It So blog is still active
Previously, in 2011...
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:55 AM on April 1, 2021
Previously, in 2011...
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:55 AM on April 1, 2021
That sort of answers itself. The ship is Q.
This actually works pretty damn well, at least for the episodes where Q is in antagonist mode (It doesn't make much sense for "Hide and Q" but that episode doesn't make a ton of sense, so I call it square):
This actually works pretty damn well, at least for the episodes where Q is in antagonist mode (It doesn't make much sense for "Hide and Q" but that episode doesn't make a ton of sense, so I call it square):
- "Encounter at Farpoint": The ship/Q wants the crew to recognize that the space station is, like itself, a sentient being.
- "Q Who?": The ship wants to meet this cool new species on the other side of the galaxy, and then nopes out after it carves out that piece of the saucer.
- "All Good Things...": The ship has discovered Doctor Who in its archives, and decides it wants to do it's own version of Three Doctors for a bit.
Riker could never be stuck in the holodeck because he only ever straddles it like he would a chair.
As Cool Papa Bell said, once you see it, you can't unsee it.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 6:06 PM on April 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
As Cool Papa Bell said, once you see it, you can't unsee it.
posted by RobinofFrocksley at 6:06 PM on April 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
What if the artifacts are some Ur-race synthesis of the Dominion shapeshifters and the mind-soothing disc-sorting hologame from, uh, The Game
The ‘Precursers’.
posted by Callisto Prime at 12:50 AM on April 2, 2021
The ‘Precursers’.
posted by Callisto Prime at 12:50 AM on April 2, 2021
>If the ship is an all-powerful sentient being that is just along for the ride, why do the Q (for example) not interact with it?
Q is constantly talking to the ship during his appearances, but keeps it concealed from the humans out of respect
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:11 AM on April 2, 2021
Q is constantly talking to the ship during his appearances, but keeps it concealed from the humans out of respect
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:11 AM on April 2, 2021
mostly it's a lot of "you'll never guess what I'm going to do to picard next, it'll be great"
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:12 AM on April 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by vibratory manner of working at 1:12 AM on April 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
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* Ok, I know I asked the holodeck to replicate the artifacts 1:1 and then proceeded to disengage the safety protocols when the holodeck ominously informed me about some unknown dangers, but how was I to know that meant simulation the artifacts being fucking cursed. Why is that even possible?? Why the fuck is the Holodeck the most dangerous system on a starship??
posted by Foci for Analysis at 4:29 PM on March 31, 2021 [25 favorites]