"Are you doing good?" "No. Irreparable damage has been done."

April 8, 2021 7:50 AM

What would happen if I tried to explain what's happening now to the January 2020 version of myself? Julie Nolke is back, doing "one year later." Most recent video discussion here.
posted by jenfullmoon (55 comments total)

In her place, I can't even imagine what to tell myself about what's coming.

Do you want to know how bad it will be? Or are you better off hitting these things with some optimism still in the tank?

And honestly, I don't know what I would have -- or could have -- changed in the last 56 weeks to materially improve things.
posted by wenestvedt at 7:57 AM on April 8, 2021 [11 favorites]

A lot of it's funny, but this one also made me feel like crying.
posted by ALeaflikeStructure at 7:59 AM on April 8, 2021 [17 favorites]

Once again, her timing has these showing up just exactly when I remember to look for a new one.
posted by Navelgazer at 8:01 AM on April 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

I also liked her recent one "What's New?" though fair warning, it's even more emotionally raw than the one in the OP.
posted by mstokes650 at 8:06 AM on April 8, 2021 [20 favorites]

A lot of it's funny, but this one also made me feel like crying.

I get really emotional on every one of these videos of hers. It's like someone finally recognizing the fucked-upedness of the world instead of pretending that everything's just normal enough so that you don't have to change your behavior all that much.

A year ago, I was beginning to resent all of the "It's hard, isn't it? But we'll get through this" commercials. Now, I'm resenting the commercials that are just 2019 commercials with masks on. Gotta flog those supplements.
posted by pykrete jungle at 8:15 AM on April 8, 2021 [18 favorites]

First of all, buy gamestop stocks. As many as you can.

Now, you're going to have to take some time off work. Months actually. The government is going to talk to your boss and you'll still get paid. They'll talk to your landlord too, so don't worry about the rent. To make things easier, they'll give you a bunch of cash, no strings. Buy gamestop.

You yourself are going to be fine, there's really no risk to you. All of your friends overseas are kinda fucked though. Especially the Americans. You're going to feel a little survivor's guilt when you watch international news. It's not your fault.

Hey, I know you're scared. Don't be. You're in a good place. And Trump loses the election. Then he throws such a shitfit he gets banned from all social media. And it's raining lawsuits on him. It's kinda great.

/Australian
posted by adept256 at 8:44 AM on April 8, 2021 [28 favorites]

Trying to imagine what I might say to myself in February 2020:

"Okay, look darkstar...this coming year is going to be pretty unpleasant for you, personally. Life will be turned upside down, you're going to have to work like a dog to make accommodations and adjustments, and psychologically it's going to feel like you're under siege. You won't leave the house for months at a time. But you've personally been through much, much worse, and come out okay, and you probably will this time, too. A bit dented, but otherwise intact.

What's going to make this time different from those times is that the rest of the country and the world are going to be going through this all exactly at the same time, along with you. And for many of them, they aren't going to fare very well at all. In fact, many won't make it through. Over a half a million people in your own country, including your own relatives, are going to die in the coming year because of this crisis.

And for those who don't die, many will suffer with long-lasting health effects, including significant psychological distress. The existence of the pandemic will make handling all other health crises significantly more problematic. And even those who don't have the illness themselves, they will have lost close loved ones, or have become unemployed, or both. Your students will be struggling with all of these issues, so you really need to level-up your compassion skills.

So yeah, you'll manage. But remember how the country went a little crazy after 9-11? And how that affected our national psyche and socio-politics for decades afterward? This is going to be bigger than that.

One thing you should know: in large part due to his criminally negligent approach to the crisis that led to hundreds of thousands of people dying unnecessarily, there will be a change in US President.

But that said...maybe spend a little more time with Uncle John over the next few months, because he won't be here next year."

posted by darkstar at 8:45 AM on April 8, 2021 [17 favorites]

mstokes650, "What's New?" made me full-on cry and I really appreciated the solution in the ending .... I think communal grief and silence is going to be a really important part of what we need.
posted by brainwane at 9:05 AM on April 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

to feb. 2020 self: hug your parents a bit extra; get more herb.
posted by 20 year lurk at 9:15 AM on April 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

I continue to think that my advice to my past self would be, "Don't get your hair dyed permanently pink. In fact, why don't you get your hair dyed its natural color?"
Past self: "But why? I hate my normal hair color, it's so boring."
Me now: "I totally agree, but what would you do if say, you have no ability to go to the hair salon for like a year?"
Past self: "Well, good point."

Also, go visit your mom in January/February and go out and DO THINGS those months too.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:17 AM on April 8, 2021 [7 favorites]

January, you say? Well first I'd tell myself to get everyone I know on the next flight to Auckland....

More seriously, I'd tell myself about a bunch of as-yet-undisclosed security vulnerabilities and use them to collect a few million dollars in bug bounties. I'd then leverage that capital to the hilt to make a fortune in the stock market by executing a massive short and perfectly timing the rebound. Using Nassim Taleb's fund as an example it should be possible to make a ~50x return by April.

I'd then donate it all to racial justices causes, at-cost PPE production for at-risk groups, and get out the vote efforts in key states.

I think those are some of the biggest changes that someone could accomplish using only information and that don't require a lot of luck (e.g. buying lottery tickets) or convincing other people to believe messages from the future (e.g. there's no getting around the need for clinical trials for vaccines).
posted by jedicus at 9:18 AM on April 8, 2021 [11 favorites]

Do you want to know how bad it will be? Or are you better off hitting these things with some optimism still in the tank?

Exactly what I've been thinking.
posted by Zumbador at 9:19 AM on April 8, 2021

My January 2020 self thought things would be worse than they are now so I'd have that going for me.
I also think if there were 2 of us in a room we would not be that hung up on wanting to touch each other's faces let's say. :x
posted by bleep at 9:21 AM on April 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

To my Feb 2020 self: you probably thought that breakup just before Christmas was unfortunate but no big deal, you're going to start dating again in the spring. This plan does not work out.

Also, buy bitcoin.
posted by allegedly at 9:21 AM on April 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

Do you want to know how bad it will be? Or are you better off hitting these things with some optimism still in the tank?

I dunno, I remember figuring out pretty fast this was going to be at least 18 months. "I can do nine months, but 18?!" And then I ended up accepting that pretty quickly because what else can you do. And then eventually realizing this may last indefinitely/forever for all we know.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:22 AM on April 8, 2021 [10 favorites]

Just travelling back in time from the pandemic with no mask and no distancing to have an indoor meeting with myself. No Biggie.
posted by srboisvert at 9:31 AM on April 8, 2021 [21 favorites]

I'm reminded of one of the chief immunological considerations for time travel:

If you travel far enough back in time, you would likely kill the people you met because they have not yet developed immunity to the germs you carry but to which you are immune.

If you travel far enough forward in time, you likely would die from being infected by future people who carry mutated germs to which you have not yet become immune.

So wearing a mask and practicing social distancing is an important part of time travel. The more you know...
posted by darkstar at 9:38 AM on April 8, 2021 [47 favorites]

"So, uh, don't buy all the Civ6 packs at once. Really savor them, its a pretty great thing to have when everyone else is, you know."
posted by Slackermagee at 9:39 AM on April 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

I'd calm myself down. I figured this was going to be 2.5 years + 3-5% fatality rate. Meaning supply chain disruption and massive global freakout.

Then I'd tell myself to yes, definitely buy the Scamp camper trailer right away, rent your house out and pack up your 5 year old and go drive around instead of camping out in 550 square feet with a Kindergartener doing "school" over an 11" laptop screen. Fuck all that.
posted by n9 at 9:42 AM on April 8, 2021 [11 favorites]

That was great. All of these have been great.

... but when 2021 Julie reaches out to touch 2020 Julie, there's no ring on her finger. But both Julies have rings on their finger. THERE IS ANOTHER ARM IN THAT ROOM WITH THE JULIES. BE CAREFUL JULIES!!!
posted by chavenet at 9:45 AM on April 8, 2021 [20 favorites]

The fourth-wall breaking glance at the camera when she talks about getting in the weeds about time travel was perfection.
posted by hanov3r at 10:08 AM on April 8, 2021 [21 favorites]

I actually did all of my favorite things and went all of my favorite places constantly, in the last 3 weeks before the lockdowns started--I basically spent zero time at home because a breakup with my live-in partner was a-brewin' and I sure didn't want to be home or sober for even ten minutes of any day.

I don't know what I'd tell myself. Probably nothing healthy or allowable to post on MeFi.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:08 AM on April 8, 2021 [8 favorites]

Then I'd tell myself to yes, definitely buy the Scamp camper trailer right away, rent your house out and pack up your 5 year old and go drive around instead of camping out in 550 square feet with a Kindergartener doing "school" over an 11" laptop screen. Fuck all that.

I'm doing something similar to this right now. I don't think I'd tell January 2020 Me to do that, but now-me is definitely telling now-me that I need to go on a multi month backpacking trip which is what I'm doing. Because what if instead of everything being the same all the time every minute of every day and nothing ever happens and it's been that way for over a year (I super identify with that "what's new?" video), I lived my life the *exact* opposite of that for a little while?

I'm joking but not really when I refer to it as pandemic rehab.
posted by ToddBurson at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

No matter how grim things are, and they will be grim, don't cut your own bangs.
posted by adept256 at 10:30 AM on April 8, 2021 [19 favorites]

Hahahahah, I already have bangs. If I don't trim them, I'm gonna look like Cousin Itt after awhile. But I already have down how to deal with them at home alone.

That said, don't DECIDE to give yourself bangs right now if you don't already have them. A friend of mine sent me a photo of what she did with that and hooooooo boy.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:33 AM on April 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

If you travel far enough back in time, you would likely kill the people you met because they have not yet developed immunity to the germs you carry but to which you are immune.

12 Monkeys doesn't end well.
Far future Julie, no matter how bad it gets, don't go back to Wuhan 2019 to try to stop this.
posted by otherchaz at 10:37 AM on April 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

2021 EC to January 2020 EC -

DO NOT FOR ONE MINUTE consider cancelling your trip to New Orleans for Mardi Gras 2020. Firstly because it's your 50th birthday, secondly because you will be able to afford it after all, and thirdly because you're about to embark on a "Lent" that will last way longer than 40 days.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:37 AM on April 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

I like these but I noped outta "What's New" half way in. yt was enticing me with Key & Peele's "Inner-City Wizard School" which picked my mood back up a bit...
posted by supermedusa at 10:38 AM on April 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

Dear past self.... Uh, we still work for #frontlinemegacorp so you're still going to work... Trump loses thank fucking God, but it's becoming more clear that the right is batshit insane and the legal attacks on voting and transgender people are *really ramping up* and oh yeah, these are the steps you take to become rich.

Oh yeah also, congratulations on the facial feminization surgery, heck yeah
posted by Jacen at 11:01 AM on April 8, 2021 [13 favorites]

Yeah this made me cry. Fuck.
posted by bq at 11:09 AM on April 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

Ber April 2021 - you are about to embark on a year long Julie Nolke crush
Ber April 2020 - who?
Ber April 2021 - trust me on this
posted by Ber at 11:23 AM on April 8, 2021 [13 favorites]

I think I would tell myself is to work more, save more money and buy more bike parts even if I didn't need them yet.

The pandemic has been weirdly good for me. I ended up working more than I did before, moving to a better place and household and spending an incredible amount of time alone on my bike in forests and stuff.

The first couple of months were like a dream for an introvert. Way less people up in my personal space. Parts of it felt like being the bookworm in the bank safe in that Twilight Zone episode but I didn't break my glasses.

On the other hand I'm pretty sure I've had C19 at least twice and I'm experiencing long term fatigue and cognitive fog from it, and that's not fun, and I've been having trouble figuring out how much of it has been ongoing depression that existed before the pandemic and what might be ongoing fatigue symptoms.
posted by loquacious at 11:27 AM on April 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

2021 Me: "Remember that year after you dropped out of grad school and just played Zelda and Civ all day?"

2020 Me: "Sweet, BotW2 s coming out? Better save up vacation time and enjoy that shit properly!"
posted by pwnguin at 12:24 PM on April 8, 2021 [5 favorites]

I live alone, I've fortunately kept my already-WFH job, and I'm introverted enough that I haven't much missed the hugging and touching stuff mentioned in the video. I won't claim to be totally unaffected by this past year, but it hasn't been as much of a psychological burden for me as it has for lots of other people. I consider that my personal blessing (for this past year) and curse (for all other years).

The one thing I'd tell January 2020 me is to either not wait until March to start getting serious about earthquake prep and stockpiling a couple months' worth of shelf-stable food supplies; or put off even thinking of trying to find freeze-dried food at its pre-pandemic prices for at least a year and a half, maybe two.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:30 PM on April 8, 2021 [6 favorites]

The thing is that the pandemic and the lockdowns and George Floyd and January 6th and the various specific horrors of 2020/21 would have been enough to turn me inside out, but it's not like the rest of life stopped either. So the family dysfunction, and non-Covid death/illness, the pain of separation, the stress of work and the fact that I came into all of this in the middle of a full-bore midlife crisis and a lot of medical PTSD basically meant that I have been a shambling disaster for a year, who has been desperately trying to hold it together so the other shambling disasters have someone to call when they freak out.

I don't know what I would have/could have told myself that wouldn't have sent me careening into full-on, suffocating despair.

All that said, I'm still here, a few days from my second vaccine and the flowers are blooming. So . . .
posted by thivaia at 12:36 PM on April 8, 2021 [10 favorites]

"So, uh, don't buy all the Civ6 packs at once. Really savor them, its a pretty great thing to have when everyone else is, you know."

I'm so, so glad that Firaxis made this choice for us all with the New Frontier Pass. It's made this past year an appreciable amount better.
posted by Navelgazer at 12:44 PM on April 8, 2021

I wonder why she didn't mention the Nashville bombing after the setup, and went with Beirut instead.
posted by achrise at 12:44 PM on April 8, 2021

I wonder why she didn't mention the Nashville bombing after the setup, and went with Beirut instead.

I mean...maybe...because...the Beirut one...was orders of magnitude bigger and more lethal? Even my melty plague brain remembered Beirut.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:52 PM on April 8, 2021 [20 favorites]

Nashville bombing?!

Ahhhhh...right right right, yeah. I remember that. Sad white guy blows himself up. I mean, that's just...a thing that happens, right? I'm told it can just happen. If you have a bad day.
posted by amanda at 12:53 PM on April 8, 2021 [15 favorites]

Also, on behalf of America. I'm really sorry we've been traumatizing the rest of the globe with our horrible shittery. Some of us are trying...trying to make things better but there's just so...so many ding dongs here. It's been very slow-going.
posted by amanda at 12:54 PM on April 8, 2021 [13 favorites]

I can't even remember all the shootings, bombings, fires, etc. individually any more.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:10 PM on April 8, 2021 [6 favorites]

I'm a bit numb and have yet to connect to these videos. I'm getting tested tomorrow and I think I'll test positive, my partner has been fighting this since Sunday. As hard as it has been this year, I'm among the very lucky I have no misapprehension on that.
posted by elkevelvet at 2:19 PM on April 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

Metafilter: just so...so many ding dongs
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:29 PM on April 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

Man, if I could tell my early 2020 self one thing, it'd be to get my damn contact lens prescription renewed, so I wouldn't be stumbling around for a year with foggy glasses.
posted by Kat Allison at 3:15 PM on April 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

mstokes650, that “What’s New?” video... ouch. The one thing that really resonated with me is the woman saying she wasn’t up for alcohol today. That’s been one of the bigger things for me this year, in that my alcohol consumption has dropped off by a lot. Partly it’s realizing that I’m a social drinker, and with no one around, well, no reason to drink. The other is becoming more understanding about where I’m at in my head, and knowing what effects alcohol is likely to have on my mental state. With as down as I’ve been over the last year, knowing that alcohol is likely to just make that worse has really cut down the amount I’ve had. It’s kind of nice to realize, but also, in its own way, another log on the smoldering fire of “holy shit, every day is the same, and I don’t remember fun.”
posted by Ghidorah at 4:18 PM on April 8, 2021 [15 favorites]

2021 was the year society realized The Singularity meant an ever increasing pace of misery and trauma, faster than anyone could process, let alone predict.
posted by pwnguin at 4:34 PM on April 8, 2021 [5 favorites]

Hey, to me-now from me-future: The Lifeline is valid. And The Lifeline is, "I could be wrong." Grab The Lifeline, Me-now! It's the one thing that has always been true in retrospect. In all of our past moments of awful certainty it has been forgotten but still true: you could be wrong about The World being suffocatingly complexly authoritatively awful right now. Your most reliable instincts thrum with proof after proof of this, but: Dear one. You could be wrong. You could be wrong. You might be wrong, about all of this.
posted by ssr_of_V at 4:53 PM on April 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

I mean, I remember seeing this video at the beginning of the pandemic where Italians were trying to warn their past selves and like, I couldn’t believe it would get that bad here (USA) and ...

Well ...

Here we are.
posted by kellygrape at 5:53 PM on April 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

2021: Don't worry about dating this year; the heart thing won't really be a big deal so don't worry; you'll learn to like running; the first six months suck beyond anything you were ready for; you get your dream job in the second six months; take any chance to go out with the trivia crew and the work crowd; re-stock that emergency water; your NYC colleague is right and you should definitely skip that conference over spring break; and whatever else you do, don't go grocery shopping on March 13th.

2020: Heart thing? What heart thing? Oh my god!

2021: No really, don't worry about that. Of all the many things on this list, it will matter the least.

2020: [look of dawning horror as the depths of the abyss become clearer]
posted by librarylis at 5:56 PM on April 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

I would definitely tell myself not to let my sister talk me into a season ski pass, no matter how cheap...
posted by suelac at 6:28 PM on April 8, 2021 [8 favorites]

2021 rednikki: Remember when you put on your Life List that you wanted to spend a year living in a foreign country? It's finally gonna happen!

2020 rednikki: Oh wow! I'm finally going to get a job overseas! Is it with some startup that's going to revolutionize the travel industry?

2021 rednikki: Revolutionized! Yeah, that's a word for what's going to happen...
posted by rednikki at 8:23 PM on April 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

BUY DESKS for all three of your children before American Ikea falls completely apart. Trust me on this, January 2020 Eyebrows. You're not going to like the six-month clusterfuck of trying to get your kids individual workspaces they spend 6 hours a day at and you're going to end up buying two random lofts-over-desks on Amazon that fit in your boys' room by literally a single centimeter.

And go visit your sister, I know the plane ticket is expensive, but your niece is about to turn 2 and you still haven't met her and you miss your sister so goddamned much.

(I love you, random lofts over desks, for shipping via Prime after Ikea failed me!)
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:31 PM on April 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

It was my wedding anniversary yesterday, which means it was a year ago today I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Being pregnant and then having a baby over the last year meant that everything changed any way, so it's kind of hard to really understand the depth of the pandemic.

Love Julie videos, but I'm disappointed that she didn't go back to December self, I really liked that vibe.
posted by freethefeet at 10:13 PM on April 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

I'm not sure there's much I could tell my pre-pandemic self that wouldn't just scare the ever-living bejesus out of myself, rather than make any meaningful difference. You need money to make money from stock market shenanigans after all. Also, I might end up just raiding younger me's drinks cabinet and start sobbing under the table.

I would tell sweet-summer-child me to stockpile some pasta and toilet paper though, that was a grim month. Oh, and funny story, give up now on selling the flat. You wanted to move up to a place with a garden for the kids, well now EVERYONE wants a garden and you are just fucked my friend.
posted by Absolutely No You-Know-What at 12:53 AM on April 9, 2021 [2 favorites]

Buy Gamestop. Don't ask.
You are going to fulfill your adult dream and buy a house this year. Don't sweat it.
All those third-order failures your anxiety worries about won't happen for at least a year.
Kiss your wife. And your girlfriend.
Hug your kids, because you are not going to see them for almost a year.
Be gentle with yourself. Be gentle with them.
You are going to be angrier than you have been in a long time. You are going to cry more than you have in the same amount of time.
Don't drink so much. Please.
posted by gwydapllew at 7:25 AM on April 9, 2021 [5 favorites]