"Will history blame me…or the bees?"

April 14, 2021 5:32 AM

A highlights reel from the 1978 disaster movie The Swarm.
posted by Iridic (42 comments total)

Don’t sleep on Frogs.

I think it might be in Danse Macabre where Stephen King writes about the (not exactly original) idea that horror is a reflection of society’s current fears. For example in the 1950’s, Them and Godzilla were responses to the fear of nuclear war/technology.

Maybe all the nature runs amok movies of the 1970s reflected our fears about what we were doing to the environment then. Kind of “funny” considering where we’re at today.
posted by paulcole at 5:53 AM on April 14, 2021 [3 favorites]

Many years ago, Michael Caine appeared on Michael Parkinson's chat show here in the UK. Caine's career was just coming out of its long slump of one lousy movie after another, and Parkinson asked how he'd managed to make so many bad choices in the work he took on - Exhibit A being The Swarm, of course.

I'm paraphrasing Caine's reply, but it went something like this: "Sometimes I've found that in order to maintain a very high standard of living, it's necessary to make a very low standard of movie."
posted by Paul Slade at 5:55 AM on April 14, 2021 [16 favorites]

Maybe all the nature runs amok movies of the 1970s reflected our fears about what we were doing to the environment then.

I think there is something to that, but of course a lot of the motive to make these films was just to bandwagon on those sweet Jaws audience dollars.
posted by thelonius at 5:58 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

I have vauge memories of a Michael Caine interview, where he was asked about one of his 'low standard' of films (and I think it was The Swarm) that when he saw that movie he actually saw the house he bought for his Mum.

[Searches...] Yep, it was. Here's a quote from 'Sabotage Times' archived by 'The Atlantic':

"It's like when people ask me why I made The Swarm - I made The Swarm because my mother needed a house to live in. Then I made Jaws 4 because she was lonely and I needed to buy her a bigger house which she could live in with all of her friends. It's that simple."
posted by ewan at 6:00 AM on April 14, 2021 [8 favorites]

Oh, we watch this at work from time to time when we feel the need to exchange work absurdity for 70s absurdity. Can't believe it never occurred to me to post it! Enjoy, everyone!
posted by JanetLand at 6:02 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

I'm 99% certain that this was the movie I stumbled across one afternoon at my grandparents' cottage on a b&w TV that got three or four stations on its best day and where you used one of these to change the channel. This was also how I saw Monty Python & The Holy Grail for the first time.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:15 AM on April 14, 2021

Oh god, The Swarm. Slight derail. Somehow I watched this as a kid and (iirc) there is a scene where the swarm attacks a family out for a picnic and the bees are covering the parents and the kid is freaking out and it's horrible. The image from that scene still pops into my head from time to time, like an intrusive thought, and I hate it. That is a movie I never, ever want to see again.

But I do so love Michael Caine.
posted by sundrop at 6:24 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

Oh, this baby is the whole package. It's amazing how many stars they got lassoed into this one. Irwin Allen, for a time, was a force to be reckoned with.

I wonder if Rob Brydon or Steve Coogan has a Richard Widmark impression in their back pocket. It would be awesome if they did a recreation of one of the top volume yelling scenes in their next "Trip" movie.
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 6:26 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

If this sort of movie is your jam I would also recommend Kingdom of the Spiders, starring William Shatner as one of cinema's most ineffectual protagonists.
posted by The Card Cheat at 6:29 AM on April 14, 2021 [7 favorites]

Irwin Allen, for a time, was a force to be reckoned with.

That was my memory, too, having grown up watching his movies and TV shows, but in retrospect, it's kind of surprising how short that window of time really was. His works simply don't stand up very well. Even his big hits, the Towering Inferno and Poseidon Adventure, are really pretty silly.
posted by 2N2222 at 7:28 AM on April 14, 2021 [5 favorites]

ok, so it's not just late middle age psychosis -- I did see a killer bee movie in a theatre when I was around eighteen. Michael Caine was in it. It lacked, shall I say, verisimilitude. I didn't buy it. Given the time frame, I was probably high.
posted by philip-random at 7:51 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

So many thanks for this. My younger sister and I were obsessed with this film back in the pre-VHS era when you only got to see it once. For years we'd yell "the bees, they've always been our friends!" at each other at times of mock crisis. I now realise this was a misquote but really the whole film looks and sounds like someone misquoting Jaws (and thinking it was about bees).
posted by YoungStencil at 7:53 AM on April 14, 2021 [4 favorites]

Ah, I remember this one as nightmare fuel for a few years afterward. The "killer bee" thing was a real fear that would show up on shows like That's Incredible and others.

IRL, honeybee swarms are crazy-looking impressive things - a loud, swirling mass of bees erupting from a hive, all sound and movement. They couldn't give a damn about you, though. You can stand right in the middle of one, then watch as they form up on a limb too high for you to safely reach, so that your chances of recapturing it are slim-to-none. If you're really lucky, you'll be around to see them reach consensus and then jet off to some new spot far away. Damned bees.

Anyway - Africanized bees are still a thing, btw, particularly in areas where it's always warm - Florida comes to mind; apparently most of the feral swarms there are AHBs. I'd hate to stumble on a colony by accident.
posted by jquinby at 8:00 AM on April 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

someone's done some heavy lifting here:

10 remarkable things about The Swarm

1. The opening’s surprisingly effective
2. Michael Caine
3. There are lots of helicopters
4. A picnic is ruined
5. The number of characters is slightly bewildering
6. Victims see giant bees
7. Three young boys hide in dustbins
8. The script is a strange work of art
9. It’s all quite harsh
10. Both director and star distanced themselves from the film

It's all we really need to know.
posted by philip-random at 8:03 AM on April 14, 2021 [5 favorites]

I have vauge memories of a Michael Caine interview, where he was asked about one of his 'low standard' of films (and I think it was The Swarm) that when he saw that movie he actually saw the house he bought for his Mum.

He had a similar rationale for making Jaws: The Revenge in 1987: "I have never seen it, but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:59 AM on April 14, 2021 [6 favorites]

"It's like when people ask me why I made The Swarm - I made The Swarm because my mother needed a house to live in. Then I made Jaws 4 because she was lonely and I needed to buy her a bigger house which she could live in with all of her friends. It's that simple."

He has an even better quote about Jaws 4 and his mom’s house:

"I've never seen it," Sir Michael, 83, said on ITV's The Jonathan Ross Show.

"Somebody said, 'Have you ever seen Jaws 4?' I said, 'No. But I've seen the house it bought for my mum. It's fantastic!'"

posted by sideshow at 9:04 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

Ah, Saturday afternoon disaster movies in the 80s. I remember another one about tarantulas attacking a desert town...?
posted by gottabefunky at 9:28 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

Ah, Saturday afternoon disaster movies in the 80s. I remember another one about tarantulas attacking a desert town...?

If it was color, and the tarantulas are normal sized, that's 1977's "Kingdom of the Spiders"

If it was black and white, and it was a giant tarantula, then it's 1955's "Tarantula!"
posted by mikelieman at 10:13 AM on April 14, 2021 [7 favorites]

Oh my God, Kingdom of the Spiders. My brothers and I were raised on classic Star Trek, and so a William Shatner disaster movie was just up our alley.

It seemed like that movie was pretty silly and bleak, too, like it was ridiculous, but then the spiders killed a zillion people, so you're oh shit
posted by angrycat at 10:26 AM on April 14, 2021

When this film came out they had a 30 minute long promotional bit on television and it included Henry Fonda seriously presenting the movie as important in making us aware of the coming danger of Africanized Bees and how we needed to protect our nuclear power plants.
It impressed me as kind of sad, like when liberals stand out as anti-vaxxers.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:43 AM on April 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

HAHAHAHA OMG this takes me back. I don't want to out my real identity but I'll just say that my parent was a Warner Bros. studio exec charged with releasing this turkey. They took me to a test screening, I think in Tucson? (Maybe not Tucson, but definitely not LA.) The movie did scare the hell out of me (I was pretty young) but afterward we sat around a nearby restaurant, me very quiet while my parent and the other execs looked at the scorecards the test audience had filled out and it was clear things would be dire.

For years THE SWARM!!!! was kind of our family in-joke of the worst thing my parent had been involved in. Though they were actually involved in many more terrible movies, before and after. LOL. But also many great movies!
posted by BlahLaLa at 11:06 AM on April 14, 2021 [13 favorites]

I've mentioned it before, but there are many interviews with Michael Caine about his so-called Pay Cheque movies (which include The Swarm (1978), Ashanti (1979), Beyond the Poseidon Adventure (1979), Jaws: The Revenge (1987), The Island (1980), The Hand (1981), and Blame It on Rio (1984)) and that they have help support his lifestyle choices during low periods. Incidentally, this was Fred MacMurray's last film before he died.

As terrible as the Swarm can be I think the worst for me was the Irwin Allen produced When Time Ran Out... (1980). That's a hard to watch movie. I don't mind Irwin Allen's TV shows as they are very silly but to be honest I likely wouldn't watch them on my own without my child.
posted by Ashwagandha at 11:32 AM on April 14, 2021

I conflate this with The Savage Bees (1976), which scarred me for life.
posted by exlotuseater at 11:59 AM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

When Time Ran Out... (1980).

from the wikipedia plot summary:

Hank and Kay go for a picnic on the beach to discuss their relationship. During their time together, the volcano erupts and most of the island's population are wiped out.

Just one of those days, I guess.
posted by philip-random at 12:06 PM on April 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

My dad was supposed to take my sister and me to a re-release of Mary Poppins...he took us to The Island instead. Many nightmares of Michael Caine decapitating pirates followed.
posted by Eddie Mars at 12:24 PM on April 14, 2021

In 1975 I was 10 years old and I spent a week in the hospital. I watched two things on TV in the middle of the night that scared the crap out of me - the Twilight Zone episode To Serve Man, and a 20/20 report on Killer Bees.

I lived in Texas, and I kept thinking about how they were going to be there any day. But it never happened, and it got silly. Didn't see this until much later when I worked in a video store. By then killer bees reminded me of John Belushi
posted by InfidelZombie at 12:29 PM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

There’s a Citation Needed about this ridiculous movie.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 12:59 PM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

Wait. Beyond the Poseidon Adventure?

!
posted by mazola at 1:27 PM on April 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

highlights

*Citation needed.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 1:32 PM on April 14, 2021

Oh god, The Swarm. Slight derail. Somehow I watched this as a kid and (iirc) there is a scene where the swarm attacks a family out for a picnic and the bees are covering the parents and the kid is freaking out and it's horrible.

Yes, same! I watched this on telly one night on my own as a kid, and the whole movie scared the pants out of me and that scene in particular sticks in my mind to this day. Also the car scene in Cujo.
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:02 PM on April 14, 2021

Wait. Beyond the Poseidon Adventure?

From the Variety review:

...comes off as a virtual remake of the 1972 original, without that film’s mounting suspense and excitement.

Harsh but true.
posted by Ashwagandha at 3:40 PM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

Or from Roger Ebert's review (which is very entertaining):

...what did we really, sincerely, expect anyway, from a movie in which Karl Malden plays a character named 'Wilbur,' and Slim Pickens plays a character named 'Tex'? If you can think of a single line of dialog that Slim Pickens, as 'Tex,' wouldn't say in "Beyond the Poseidon Adventure," please do not miss this movie, which will be filled with amazements and startling revelations.

posted by Ashwagandha at 3:43 PM on April 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

The Swarm turned up on Netflix (Australia) recently. I can confirm it is gloriously awful and that you should watch it at once - preferably drunk.
posted by ninazer0 at 4:26 PM on April 14, 2021

Was Kingdom of the Spiders the one where they made up a VW Beetle to look like a giant tarantula, with legs that were pulled up and down by cords and clearly were not holding up the body, and then chased a whole town's worth of extras down the street with it?

Ah, no, I guess that was The Giant Spider Invasion, with Alan "The Skipper" Hale Jr. as the Sheriff, not William Shatner.
posted by Naberius at 6:16 PM on April 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

Also, I now desperately want to see Roger Ebert's vision for a Poseidon Adventure sequel

Here's what happens, I said. After everybody fights his or her way to the top and/or bottom of the boat, surviving fires and floods and explosions, another big tidal wave comes along and turns the great ship over again. And so the hapless survivors have to retrace their steps.

Brilliant. Simply brilliant.
posted by Naberius at 6:24 PM on April 14, 2021 [2 favorites]

and turns the great ship over again. And so the hapless survivors have to retrace their steps.

this is what happens at the end of the MAD magazine version. Except it's not a tidal wave, it's the little kid saying, "Oh yeah, I forgot to say. The captain told me that if the ship ever turns upside down, it will automatically right itself about twenty-four hours later."

(or something like that).

MAD also had a gloriously rude ending to Last Tango in Paris that managed to both be true to the original and a sly take on the margarine vs butter wars that were going in advertising at the time (he said without going too deeply into it).
posted by philip-random at 7:14 PM on April 14, 2021

I grew up in Louisiana, and I remembered watching "The Savage Bees", but not the name, so thanks for that!
posted by wintermind at 8:45 PM on April 14, 2021

I'm paraphrasing Caine's reply, but it went something like this: "Sometimes I've found that in order to maintain a very high standard of living, it's necessary to make a very low standard of movie."

If there was ever an argument against living beyond your means...

Even (Irwin Allen's) big hits, the Towering Inferno and Poseidon Adventure, are really pretty silly.

"It's a fire mister, and all fires are bad"
posted by gtrwolf at 9:29 PM on April 14, 2021 [1 favorite]

I remember this scaring the crap out of five-year-old me, most memorably when the woman opens the door and there’s randomly a giant bee there.

Additionally, that ticker screen towards the end of the video just made me start imagining Swarm: The Musical with its most well known song, “Season of Bees,” the one with the oddly catchy lyric, “thirty-six thousand, four hundred, twenty-two persons.”
posted by gelfin at 9:47 AM on April 15, 2021

This dredged up a memory. I saw a killer bees movie, on maybe a Saturday afternoon in the late 70s, on the little black and white TV in our basement, and it scared the dickens out of 8 year old me. But now having watched this magnificent highlight reel I don't think it was THIS killer bee movie. I vividly remember a scene, near the end, where the main guy (I was hoping this was gonna be Michael Caine) is in a silver beekeepers suit and he is struggling his way down an alley (or something) while the bees try to get through his suit, to try and get to (or maybe just open?) the cannisters of insecticide that will kill all the bees. I think maybe he makes it but dies in the process? It was noble and tragic and terrifying and, even to lil' me, stupid.

But probably not The Swarm because it would certainly have been in the highlight reel. It would have to be, right?
posted by dirtdirt at 10:55 AM on April 15, 2021

Does anyone else have memories (hazy or otherwise) of Empire of the Ants? Pretty sure I saw this in a drive-in when I was smol.
posted by jquinby at 11:40 AM on April 15, 2021

Michael Caine has been eating out on that same dang house-buying bit for years and I for one am sick of it. Instead I will point you to this ancient twitter exchange between Ben and Richard Dreyfuss. (Via a third party nonsense site b/c Ben has deleted his part of the Internet exchange.)
posted by Going To Maine at 11:42 AM on April 15, 2021 [5 favorites]