Languishing
April 20, 2021 11:46 AM Subscribe
Languishing is a sense of stagnation and emptiness. It feels as if you’re muddling through your days, looking at your life through a foggy windshield. And it might be the dominant emotion of 2021. (SLNYT)
I lost my job in December, and my search for one is exceedingly excruciating. I feel like someone removed all of my skin, and punched me in the chest....but I'm still feeling better than I was when I was "working" remotely with a bunch of people who acted like COVID didn't exist and wanted to plan in person events and conduct business as usual. That made me languish so hard.
posted by lextex at 12:02 PM on April 20 [17 favorites]
posted by lextex at 12:02 PM on April 20 [17 favorites]
In psychology, we think about mental health on a spectrum from depression to flourishing. Flourishing is the peak of well-being: You have a strong sense of meaning, mastery and mattering to others. Depression is the valley of ill-being: You feel despondent, drained and worthless.
At first this made me feel defensive because I was like uhhhhhh some of us who have felt like this every day of our lives could have informed you "depressed or thriving?" is not a valid framework for modeling the human experience. Like why is this being treated as a revelation, that everyone who isn't depressed might also not be thriving either, why does it take everyone experiencing the same thing at the same time for it to be noticed & named?? Why have I been on my own with this for so long?
And then i thought, eh, how else do you expect it to happen? It's better for people to read this now than not at all, I guess. Even though with the lack of commuting & travel I've been healthier, more rested, more at peace than ever. For the first time I'm actually not languishing at the first & only period where it could be understood.
posted by bleep at 12:05 PM on April 20 [12 favorites]
At first this made me feel defensive because I was like uhhhhhh some of us who have felt like this every day of our lives could have informed you "depressed or thriving?" is not a valid framework for modeling the human experience. Like why is this being treated as a revelation, that everyone who isn't depressed might also not be thriving either, why does it take everyone experiencing the same thing at the same time for it to be noticed & named?? Why have I been on my own with this for so long?
And then i thought, eh, how else do you expect it to happen? It's better for people to read this now than not at all, I guess. Even though with the lack of commuting & travel I've been healthier, more rested, more at peace than ever. For the first time I'm actually not languishing at the first & only period where it could be understood.
posted by bleep at 12:05 PM on April 20 [12 favorites]
"Let us go then, you and I,
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit."
The Love Song Of J Alfred Prufrock, 1915. So, basically that except instead of the going out to hotels and restaurants we're wearing masks and standing two meters apart.
posted by mhoye at 12:06 PM on April 20 [6 favorites]
When the evening is spread out against the sky
Like a patient etherized upon a table;
Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,
The muttering retreats
Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels
And sawdust restaurants with oyster-shells:
Streets that follow like a tedious argument
Of insidious intent
To lead you to an overwhelming question ...
Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”
Let us go and make our visit."
The Love Song Of J Alfred Prufrock, 1915. So, basically that except instead of the going out to hotels and restaurants we're wearing masks and standing two meters apart.
posted by mhoye at 12:06 PM on April 20 [6 favorites]
...it might be the dominant emotion of 2021.
2021? I've felt like this for the last 30 years or so.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:17 PM on April 20 [16 favorites]
2021? I've felt like this for the last 30 years or so.
posted by Thorzdad at 12:17 PM on April 20 [16 favorites]
It's better for people to read this now than not at all, I guess
I have often thought it is ironic that in an unjust and unequal world, the burden of repair and health largely falls on the already traumatized rather than those who can carry on oblivious to it, etc.
posted by polymodus at 12:24 PM on April 20 [17 favorites]
I have often thought it is ironic that in an unjust and unequal world, the burden of repair and health largely falls on the already traumatized rather than those who can carry on oblivious to it, etc.
posted by polymodus at 12:24 PM on April 20 [17 favorites]
This was great, and thanks for posting it.
I was reading a lot of the desert fathers in the last year and spent a long time meditating on acedia, which is similar, though not quite the same thing. It was badly translated along the way as sloth, and so came to generally mean laziness. The original understanding has been recovered, since acedia can also manifest as a sort of busyness about inconsequential things. Usually affecting the monks in the mid-day heat - they were the desert fathers, after all - acedia came to be called the "noonday devil."
Interestingly enough, the prescribed remedy for the monks was similar to the 'flow' advice mentioned in the article.
posted by jquinby at 12:52 PM on April 20 [6 favorites]
I was reading a lot of the desert fathers in the last year and spent a long time meditating on acedia, which is similar, though not quite the same thing. It was badly translated along the way as sloth, and so came to generally mean laziness. The original understanding has been recovered, since acedia can also manifest as a sort of busyness about inconsequential things. Usually affecting the monks in the mid-day heat - they were the desert fathers, after all - acedia came to be called the "noonday devil."
Interestingly enough, the prescribed remedy for the monks was similar to the 'flow' advice mentioned in the article.
posted by jquinby at 12:52 PM on April 20 [6 favorites]
Anyone have a link that doesn't require an NYT subscription?
posted by tzikeh at 1:18 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
posted by tzikeh at 1:18 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
I have been really trying to pause and inject some warmth into every interaction I have with strangers this last year. I think it goes viral if you do it right.
I just spent 45 minutes talking to the woman who cleans the showers at the truck stop. She obviously hadn't had a good talk in a while. I know a lot of things I didn't and so does she. That's how you fight this. Time and care.
Private browsing in Firefox got me right in to the article.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:22 PM on April 20 [7 favorites]
I just spent 45 minutes talking to the woman who cleans the showers at the truck stop. She obviously hadn't had a good talk in a while. I know a lot of things I didn't and so does she. That's how you fight this. Time and care.
Private browsing in Firefox got me right in to the article.
posted by Mr. Yuck at 1:22 PM on April 20 [7 favorites]
This x1000. I’ve spent so much time all alone with my....plants.
posted by nevercalm at 1:51 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]
posted by nevercalm at 1:51 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]
So what if we're all languishing? It's been a massively shitty year for everyone.
While coping mechanisms are appreciated, I think it's a little disingenuous to frame the solution in terms of One Weird Trick That Will Make Everything Better. It's a friggin' pandemic. I think we're allowed to lack purpose and be a little less productive.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 1:51 PM on April 20 [5 favorites]
While coping mechanisms are appreciated, I think it's a little disingenuous to frame the solution in terms of One Weird Trick That Will Make Everything Better. It's a friggin' pandemic. I think we're allowed to lack purpose and be a little less productive.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 1:51 PM on April 20 [5 favorites]
This article hit me hard when I read it yesterday - it is exactly how I've been feeling. My family is healthy and safe and I'm still gainfully employed, so I have nothing to complain about. And yet - I feel so tired. And isolated. I want to reach out to my friends, but inertia grabs me and pulls me back down. I can't face yet. another. zoom. call; I can barely deal with them for work. I'm not exactly depressed, and I'm not exactly burned out. But I am not exactly doing that great, either.
posted by widdershins at 1:56 PM on April 20 [12 favorites]
posted by widdershins at 1:56 PM on April 20 [12 favorites]
C'est moi, c'est moi, 'tis I
posted by potrzebie at 1:56 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
posted by potrzebie at 1:56 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
Gah, "flow." No such thing for some of us neurodivergent folk out here. Yes, I've tried meditation. Sorry but it just irritates me whenever that word comes up.
Good news: I haven't had to achieve a flow state to escape a more or less permanent state of acedia. What helped the most was not having to sit in an office fulltime anymore. That stopped well before the pandemic hit. I hope I never have to do that again.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 1:58 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
Good news: I haven't had to achieve a flow state to escape a more or less permanent state of acedia. What helped the most was not having to sit in an office fulltime anymore. That stopped well before the pandemic hit. I hope I never have to do that again.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 1:58 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
widdershins, you and me both. As privileged as could be, pretty introverted so in theory at least getting to work from home should be a real treat, granted I have a lot of underlying health/psych problems but even so. Languishing so hard. Near-terminal state of languish and everything has turned so brownish-gray that I'm not really sure how to constructively come out of it, once I and all the people I care about are all antibodied-up. It's hard to even feel excited about such a time.
posted by bowtiesarecool at 2:11 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]
posted by bowtiesarecool at 2:11 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]
tzikeh: "Anyone have a link that doesn't require an NYT subscription?"
Here you go.
posted by chavenet at 2:19 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
Here you go.
posted by chavenet at 2:19 PM on April 20 [2 favorites]
Interesting article, thanks for posting.
I hadn't thought of gaming and netflix binges as shortcuts to flow state before. I went through a heavy gaming binge a few weeks ago but more recently I've been in such a deep languish I can't even muster the enthusiasm for that.
posted by roolya_boolya at 2:35 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]
I hadn't thought of gaming and netflix binges as shortcuts to flow state before. I went through a heavy gaming binge a few weeks ago but more recently I've been in such a deep languish I can't even muster the enthusiasm for that.
posted by roolya_boolya at 2:35 PM on April 20 [1 favorite]
Thanks for the non-paywalled links, chavnet and MonkeyToes. If and when I post a SLNYT thing again, I'll make a point to figure out how to do that.
posted by treepour at 5:00 PM on April 20
posted by treepour at 5:00 PM on April 20
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in related news, my favorite line from the january man is spoken by alan rickman: "just languish there darling".
now i know what that means! thanks!!
posted by rude.boy at 11:58 AM on April 20 [3 favorites]