“Does your cat’s butthole really touch all the surfaces in your home?”
April 23, 2021 7:03 AM Subscribe
A 6th-grader tackles the age-old question. With lipstick.
Imagining the quantity of lipstick that would be dragged all over our rugs is giving me hives. At least my counters are safe!
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 7:14 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 7:14 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
SCIENCE!!!
posted by heatherlogan at 7:19 AM on April 23, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by heatherlogan at 7:19 AM on April 23, 2021 [12 favorites]
reddit, 4y previous:
one of my friends works at a vet's office. they have one of those naked cats as kind of like their unofficial mascot, and she just roams around doing naked cat things.posted by sebastienbailard at 7:23 AM on April 23, 2021 [91 favorites]
but apparently what no one tells you about naked cats is that there's no fur to stop their buttholes from suction-cupping all the surfaces they sit on. so her office just makes their intern follow this cat around and clean up all its butt puckers off the glass.
"I'd like to return this lipstick please, it tastes funny."
posted by chococat at 7:26 AM on April 23, 2021 [40 favorites]
posted by chococat at 7:26 AM on April 23, 2021 [40 favorites]
the thing about cats is, they do it on purpose
posted by elkevelvet at 7:27 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by elkevelvet at 7:27 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
"I'd like to return this lipstick please, it tastes funny."
posted by chococat
Epnoysterical!
posted by jquinby at 7:28 AM on April 23, 2021 [30 favorites]
posted by chococat
Epnoysterical!
posted by jquinby at 7:28 AM on April 23, 2021 [30 favorites]
yeah, yeah
posted by chococat at 7:28 AM on April 23, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by chococat at 7:28 AM on April 23, 2021 [11 favorites]
I imagine they tabled the lipstick used in the experiment.
“CAT BUTT LIPSTICK! Not for Human Use”
posted by MrGuilt at 7:37 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
“CAT BUTT LIPSTICK! Not for Human Use”
posted by MrGuilt at 7:37 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
He ran his experiment by putting a non-toxic lipstick on his cats’ anuses
Is it just me, or is it odd that they specified that it was non-toxic lipstick?
posted by Umami Dearest at 7:46 AM on April 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
Is it just me, or is it odd that they specified that it was non-toxic lipstick?
posted by Umami Dearest at 7:46 AM on April 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
Cats lick their butts like a LOT, something I always think about when my sweet big boy is trying to groom me - I know where that tongue has been. Non-toxic lipstick would be ethical.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:50 AM on April 23, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 7:50 AM on April 23, 2021 [12 favorites]
Is there any toxic lipstick? Asking for a 'friend'.
posted by Too-Ticky at 7:52 AM on April 23, 2021 [20 favorites]
posted by Too-Ticky at 7:52 AM on April 23, 2021 [20 favorites]
I mean, I have some I ordered for "free, just pay shipping" from the Wish shopping app, and I certainly have my doubts about it.
posted by jacquilynne at 7:53 AM on April 23, 2021 [15 favorites]
posted by jacquilynne at 7:53 AM on April 23, 2021 [15 favorites]
The good news for kids is we can stop science fairs now, we have the winner forever of all science fairs, no need to keep looking.
posted by solotoro at 7:57 AM on April 23, 2021 [30 favorites]
posted by solotoro at 7:57 AM on April 23, 2021 [30 favorites]
^ oh, I'm still waiting for the go-pro assisted study titled "How Much Poo Does Your Dog Really Eat"
posted by elkevelvet at 8:00 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by elkevelvet at 8:00 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
I do Christmas with my in-laws. They have some traditions that have hold on since they were kids, one of which is that the younger brother (he's 38 now) ices a Christmas Chocolate log. Since they are Catholic and like Xmas, they go to midnight mass on Xmas Eve. I am lapsed and stay at their place. One year I was there and the cat managed to jump up on the high cupboard where the log had been put for safe keeping and sat down on the end of the log. (I never saw her up there again so she was clearly doing this on purpose.)
This presented something of an ethical quandary, so I asked my SO and she said no, don't tell them, there was no real damage. So I didn't tell them.
Well not till later anyway.
posted by biffa at 8:01 AM on April 23, 2021 [24 favorites]
This presented something of an ethical quandary, so I asked my SO and she said no, don't tell them, there was no real damage. So I didn't tell them.
Well not till later anyway.
posted by biffa at 8:01 AM on April 23, 2021 [24 favorites]
Cats lick their butts like a LOT,
This is my vet's criterion for an overweight cat: can't lick its own butthole.
posted by fatbird at 8:07 AM on April 23, 2021 [36 favorites]
This is my vet's criterion for an overweight cat: can't lick its own butthole.
posted by fatbird at 8:07 AM on April 23, 2021 [36 favorites]
The good news for kids is we can stop science fairs now, we have the winner forever of all science fairs, no need to keep looking.
Having judged a few science fairs, I’d certainly be tempted to give this one high marks.
1. Relevance. It asks a research question that, as soon as it’s asked, you realize you really wanted to know the answer.
2. Originality. Undoubtedly.
2. Methodology. Unimpeachably sound. Let’s just say that.
3. Engagement. This is a project that they almost certainly didn’t get their STEM parent to “help” them with (i.e., basically do 80% of the thinking and work on it while the kid acted as assistant). I don’t really envision Mom and Dad applying lipstick to Fluffy’s anus.
4. Presentation. Fair, with some weaknesses. But again, obviously done by the kid instead of the parent. So I’m rating it with that in mind.
posted by darkstar at 8:09 AM on April 23, 2021 [67 favorites]
Having judged a few science fairs, I’d certainly be tempted to give this one high marks.
1. Relevance. It asks a research question that, as soon as it’s asked, you realize you really wanted to know the answer.
2. Originality. Undoubtedly.
2. Methodology. Unimpeachably sound. Let’s just say that.
3. Engagement. This is a project that they almost certainly didn’t get their STEM parent to “help” them with (i.e., basically do 80% of the thinking and work on it while the kid acted as assistant). I don’t really envision Mom and Dad applying lipstick to Fluffy’s anus.
4. Presentation. Fair, with some weaknesses. But again, obviously done by the kid instead of the parent. So I’m rating it with that in mind.
posted by darkstar at 8:09 AM on April 23, 2021 [67 favorites]
The lipstick is only non-toxic before applying to the cat. Until you check to see if it has been used, the lipstick is both toxic and non-toxic. Try New Schrödinger's Cat Anus LipstickTM. Maybe she's born with it*. Maybe it's Meowbelline.
*Maybe it's Toxoplasmosis
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:10 AM on April 23, 2021 [76 favorites]
*Maybe it's Toxoplasmosis
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 8:10 AM on April 23, 2021 [76 favorites]
Tried to use Google Translate to come up with a Latin motto based on "from a cat's anus, science", but it changes whether it's in all caps or not. That's weird.
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:11 AM on April 23, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 8:11 AM on April 23, 2021 [10 favorites]
"How to put lipstick on a cat's mouth without them biting you"
posted by mcstayinskool at 8:29 AM on April 23, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by mcstayinskool at 8:29 AM on April 23, 2021 [8 favorites]
Now I’m imagining the conversations their cat has with other cats in the neighborhood.
“Well, they’re into some really freaky shit. But the kibble’s good, there are no dogs, and they don’t vacuum too often, so it balances out.”
posted by darkstar at 8:30 AM on April 23, 2021 [23 favorites]
“Well, they’re into some really freaky shit. But the kibble’s good, there are no dogs, and they don’t vacuum too often, so it balances out.”
posted by darkstar at 8:30 AM on April 23, 2021 [23 favorites]
Tried to use Google Translate to come up with a Latin motto based on "from a cat's anus, science", but it changes whether it's in all caps or not. That's weird.
latin changes in the diminutive vs EXAGGERATED DECLARATIVE ;)
posted by rubatan at 8:32 AM on April 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
latin changes in the diminutive vs EXAGGERATED DECLARATIVE ;)
posted by rubatan at 8:32 AM on April 23, 2021 [5 favorites]
This is a real "I prefer to live in ignorance" situation, and I am definitely not sharing this with my roommate who is in a constant war with our cats on this issue.
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:36 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by MCMikeNamara at 8:36 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
Is it just me, or is it odd that they specified that it was non-toxic lipstick?
60% of lipsticks contain lead, maybe not enough to harm humans but cats are a lot smaller.
posted by Lanark at 8:39 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
60% of lipsticks contain lead, maybe not enough to harm humans but cats are a lot smaller.
posted by Lanark at 8:39 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
This is a new take on the osculum infame, but you go, kid.
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:40 AM on April 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 8:40 AM on April 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
"The good news for kids is we can stop science fairs now, we have the winner forever of all science fairs, no need to keep looking...."
Not to mention rationale & impact.
My nephew trained two goldfishes to play soccer in 1st grade. To this day, new friends doubt this ever happened, even when his primary school friends assent. I wonder how much skepticism this kid is going to face in his future life. As with all good science, controversy backed with solid preliminary data is sure to get this kid funding. I hope he makes it to a career in science, so this can be the first on his CV & the best colloquia introduction note.
posted by rubatan at 8:42 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
Not to mention rationale & impact.
My nephew trained two goldfishes to play soccer in 1st grade. To this day, new friends doubt this ever happened, even when his primary school friends assent. I wonder how much skepticism this kid is going to face in his future life. As with all good science, controversy backed with solid preliminary data is sure to get this kid funding. I hope he makes it to a career in science, so this can be the first on his CV & the best colloquia introduction note.
posted by rubatan at 8:42 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
My cats? Definitely yes.
posted by biogeo at 8:43 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by biogeo at 8:43 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Having judged a few science fairs, I’d certainly be tempted to give this one high marks.
High five from another judge!
Yes this would absolutely do well. Medals for sure, especially in the junior category. I'd say, having done a couple, that this would do well nationally with a bit of coaching.
posted by bonehead at 8:43 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
High five from another judge!
Yes this would absolutely do well. Medals for sure, especially in the junior category. I'd say, having done a couple, that this would do well nationally with a bit of coaching.
posted by bonehead at 8:43 AM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
I would venture E ano catti scientia, but my experience with Latin is less than my experience with cat butts.
posted by biogeo at 8:49 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 8:49 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
I'm gonna go ahead and extrapolate these results from cats to small curly-tailed dogs, because I have a chihuahua and no lipstick and - critically - no desire to replicate this experiment. Thanks kid!
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 8:49 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Mary Ellen Carter at 8:49 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
But are we sure that isn't just the cat wanting to rub off whatever was there? ;)
posted by kschang at 8:54 AM on April 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by kschang at 8:54 AM on April 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
This instantly made me think of the saying that one of the Mythbusters team came up with - "the only difference between 'science' and 'screwing around' is whether you write stuff down."
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:09 AM on April 23, 2021 [14 favorites]
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:09 AM on April 23, 2021 [14 favorites]
This is great fun. I'm also glad I don't have to clean lipstick off a couch. Cat hair is bad enough. The parents better get an acknowledgment in the publication. There must be other substances one could choose that are easier to remove. (Maybe something transparent that fluoresces in UV light, mixed with glycerine?)
I've convinced myself that toxoplasmosis is actually beneficial, mostly, so I don't think this will change my behavior with regard to cats.
posted by eotvos at 9:36 AM on April 23, 2021 [11 favorites]
I've convinced myself that toxoplasmosis is actually beneficial, mostly, so I don't think this will change my behavior with regard to cats.
High five from another judge!Absolutely. The other one that made me laugh with delight was an ESL 7th grader who did an exhaustive, systematic study of the efficacy of folklore solutions to cutting onions without making one cry, with a large N and blinding. It was fantastic. (They all failed, except for cutting onions under water, which is both kind of obvious and a pain the neck.) This is a close contender.
posted by eotvos at 9:36 AM on April 23, 2021 [11 favorites]
Huh, the results are actually not as bad as I expected.
posted by eviemath at 9:41 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by eviemath at 9:41 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
This is a new take on the osculum infame, but you go, kid.
Well, when the bleaching goes too far you have to restore the colour somehow.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:46 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Well, when the bleaching goes too far you have to restore the colour somehow.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:46 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
After my cat had to have his butt thoroughly shaved for surgery, I was able to learn that the answer to this is 'all of them'. Also that cat butts/hips are hilarious looking.
(This is a really smart, great kid, and I'm glad that his findings aren't as awful as I'd feared. I hope he does well in life.)
posted by kalimac at 10:04 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
(This is a really smart, great kid, and I'm glad that his findings aren't as awful as I'd feared. I hope he does well in life.)
posted by kalimac at 10:04 AM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
The kid gets points for actually running the experiment, but this was a FARK meme dating back to 2004.
posted by CyberSlug Labs at 10:18 AM on April 23, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by CyberSlug Labs at 10:18 AM on April 23, 2021 [8 favorites]
Huh, the results are actually not as bad as I expected.
Lipstick on a pig?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:24 AM on April 23, 2021
Lipstick on a pig?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 10:24 AM on April 23, 2021
Lipstick on a pig?
There's a great upstate NY animal sanctuary, Squirrelwood Animal Sanctuary, that has daily Twitter footage. It's often just a simple unedited couple minutes of the farm animals at breakfast or bedtime snack time. Very soothing. One thing I have learned from this is that goats have just INORDINATELY large buttholes.
posted by praemunire at 10:37 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
There's a great upstate NY animal sanctuary, Squirrelwood Animal Sanctuary, that has daily Twitter footage. It's often just a simple unedited couple minutes of the farm animals at breakfast or bedtime snack time. Very soothing. One thing I have learned from this is that goats have just INORDINATELY large buttholes.
posted by praemunire at 10:37 AM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
praemunire: "One thing I have learned from this is that goats have just INORDINATELY large buttholes."
Is the channel called GOAT-SEE?
posted by chavenet at 10:56 AM on April 23, 2021 [18 favorites]
Is the channel called GOAT-SEE?
posted by chavenet at 10:56 AM on April 23, 2021 [18 favorites]
My nephew trained two goldfishes to play soccer in 1st grade.
I need to know exactly how he did this. Omit no detail, however small.
posted by Paul Slade at 11:09 AM on April 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
I need to know exactly how he did this. Omit no detail, however small.
posted by Paul Slade at 11:09 AM on April 23, 2021 [4 favorites]
I've convinced myself that toxoplasmosis is actually beneficial
That's just the sort of thing someone infected with toxoplasma would say...
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:08 PM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
That's just the sort of thing someone infected with toxoplasma would say...
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:08 PM on April 23, 2021 [7 favorites]
“CAT BUTT LIPSTICK! Not for Human Use”
Wouldn't that be... BUTTSTICK?
posted by ringu0 at 12:13 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Wouldn't that be... BUTTSTICK?
posted by ringu0 at 12:13 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Yes. Yes, it would be buttstick.
posted by double bubble at 12:26 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by double bubble at 12:26 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Does your cat’s butthole really touch all the surfaces in your home?
Ah yes, the little-known B-side to "Do Your Balls Hang Low?"
posted by PlusDistance at 12:49 PM on April 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
Ah yes, the little-known B-side to "Do Your Balls Hang Low?"
posted by PlusDistance at 12:49 PM on April 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
Cats lick their butts like a LOT,
So what you are saying is, they must be delicious and/or nutritious?
posted by biffa at 12:53 PM on April 23, 2021
So what you are saying is, they must be delicious and/or nutritious?
posted by biffa at 12:53 PM on April 23, 2021
Something something paging hair and makeup for CATS: the Butthole Cut.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:55 PM on April 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 12:55 PM on April 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
Someone give this kid a cat-ass-trophy.
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:11 PM on April 23, 2021 [14 favorites]
posted by Pallas Athena at 1:11 PM on April 23, 2021 [14 favorites]
I've convinced myself that toxoplasmosis is actually beneficial, mostly, so I don't think this will change my behavior with regard to cats.
I mean...toxoplasmosis makes mice permanently lose their fear of cats, so
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:17 PM on April 23, 2021
I mean...toxoplasmosis makes mice permanently lose their fear of cats, so
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:17 PM on April 23, 2021
60% of lipsticks contain lead, maybe not enough to harm humans but cats are a lot smaller.
But cats have much thinner lips.
posted by biffa at 1:40 PM on April 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
But cats have much thinner lips.
posted by biffa at 1:40 PM on April 23, 2021 [6 favorites]
Is the channel called GOAT-SEE?
I have been on the Internet since spring of 1992 and yet somehow have managed never to partake of the goat.se, thank you very much.
posted by praemunire at 1:43 PM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
I have been on the Internet since spring of 1992 and yet somehow have managed never to partake of the goat.se, thank you very much.
posted by praemunire at 1:43 PM on April 23, 2021 [3 favorites]
All.
The.
Surfaces.
And probably some other places I don't want to know about.
posted by Kitteh at 1:55 PM on April 23, 2021
The.
Surfaces.
And probably some other places I don't want to know about.
posted by Kitteh at 1:55 PM on April 23, 2021
Thank you for the Fark link, CyberSlug Labs. I knew the whole cat butt/lipstick thing sounded familiar but couldn't remember where I'd encountered it.
posted by mpark at 2:03 PM on April 23, 2021
posted by mpark at 2:03 PM on April 23, 2021
Okay! Long haired cats only for me from now on.
posted by a humble nudibranch at 2:17 PM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by a humble nudibranch at 2:17 PM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
Two thoughts: How was a sixth-grader getting ideas for 2004 Fark? And I wish my daughter was still young enough for science fairs; we have a dog that all sorts of variations on this experiment could be done. But he hid under the bed for 3 days the last time I tried to give him his heart worm/flea/tick medicine, so maybe it’s just as well.
posted by TedW at 2:39 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by TedW at 2:39 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
I don't know . . . there's an overtone of sadism in this experiment that would make me nervous about my kid if I were their parent.
posted by jamjam at 2:48 PM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jamjam at 2:48 PM on April 23, 2021 [1 favorite]
overtone of sadism
I'm not seeing it. Can you elaborate?
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:57 PM on April 23, 2021
I'm not seeing it. Can you elaborate?
posted by Too-Ticky at 2:57 PM on April 23, 2021
One day, I will have an opportunity to use this joke. And I will, oh yes I will. And it will be a good day.
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:55 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:55 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
One day, I will post to the right thread. And it will be an...okay day.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:42 PM on April 23, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:42 PM on April 23, 2021 [10 favorites]
A quick search suggests that the Simpsons have not done it.
posted by achrise at 7:21 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by achrise at 7:21 PM on April 23, 2021 [2 favorites]
Cats feel things in ways most humans can't...
posted by Fupped Duck at 8:23 PM on April 23, 2021
posted by Fupped Duck at 8:23 PM on April 23, 2021
The only aspect of this experiment I would change is to use a lipstick only visible under UV light - - just for the dramatic reveal at the end.
posted by fairmettle at 2:55 AM on April 24, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by fairmettle at 2:55 AM on April 24, 2021 [4 favorites]
Do they actually make lipsticks that are only visible under UV light, and if so, why?
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:38 AM on April 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Joe in Australia at 5:38 AM on April 24, 2021 [1 favorite]
60% of lipsticks contain lead, maybe not enough to harm humans but cats are a lot smaller
Wait until you find out what they put in meowscara.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:10 AM on April 24, 2021 [4 favorites]
Wait until you find out what they put in meowscara.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 7:10 AM on April 24, 2021 [4 favorites]
When you wake up with a tiny lipstick print on your forehead, like a kiss from an angel...
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:19 AM on April 24, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by Serene Empress Dork at 7:19 AM on April 24, 2021 [12 favorites]
He really needed to present those results with a lipstick pucker on his forehead.
posted by Snowflake at 8:32 AM on April 24, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Snowflake at 8:32 AM on April 24, 2021 [2 favorites]
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