I pray you put this journal away.
May 16, 2021 4:10 PM Subscribe
Husband and wife Justin and Julia host I Pray You Put This Journal Away, a podcast based on the couple’s experiences growing up in the fundamentalist Christian church, with Justin reading from his teen diaries about his struggles “growing up with the Duggars, fundamentalism, and undiagnosed autism.” If you prefer to read instead of listen: in the last few weeks, since the news broke about Josh Duggar’s arrest for possession of child sexual abuse images, Justin has done two Reddit AMAs shining a thoughtful spotlight on the ways fundamentalist Christian culture justifies, enables and covers up abuse. [Content warnings: trauma; sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse.]
Extremely painful read, but so important to get out there. Not enough people know the shit that goes on in these communities/churches, because their PR to the outside world is so slick. And it’s drummed into the kids from infancy that it’s their job to present the rosiest picture possible to the outside, that it’s the worst kind of sin to be or appear unhappy.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:09 PM on May 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 7:09 PM on May 16, 2021 [2 favorites]
From the second AMA:
I reconnected with a sibling as a result of my first AMA. They PM'd me saying that we had similar experiences. They didn't know it was me. We talked and it ended up being a great experienceposted by ChurchHatesTucker at 8:28 PM on May 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
This isn't my story, but it's one that I got to watch from the outside as decades of programming were undone.
One of the people I care about most in this world grew up in the same cult as the Duggars, the Institute in Basic Life Principles. I met her years ago when we were both in our early 20s and she was in the process of building a different life than the one she was raised to lead - namely as a godly missionary and mother. (Though I will say that due to missionary training she is the best travel buddy.)
She spent years deprogramming herself, watching decades of TV like it was her job in order to get caught up on pop culture. She had to figure out how to build self-confidence, how to handle relationships outside of her family, when to walk away from a bad situation, and how to manage her own health, both mental and physical.
It's weird, but I think the IBLP set her up to be very self-sufficient and independent, but perhaps in ways that cost. I look at my 10 year old and couldn't imagine her cooking an entire Thanksgiving dinner, but that's the kind of expectations that were set up for children in the cult. It seems like from an early age she learned how to 'adult', i.e. manage a budget, run a household, finish a basement. If I need to paint a room or organize the chaos in life, she is the one I call.
On the other hand, homeschooling did her a huge disservice as her mom was not equipped to teach math or science. She paid her own way through college, so she started a few years later than the rest of our group of young city people. It was a group project between several of us to tutor her through her general education and chemistry classes, with her blaming herself for being stupid despite the fact that she eventually graduated as valedictorian of her class.
None of her family are associated with IBLP at this point, but I wish they would apologize to her for the decades of damage she had to undo. I'm really proud of her, though, and she's one of the bravest people I know.
posted by Alison at 8:51 PM on May 16, 2021 [49 favorites]
One of the people I care about most in this world grew up in the same cult as the Duggars, the Institute in Basic Life Principles. I met her years ago when we were both in our early 20s and she was in the process of building a different life than the one she was raised to lead - namely as a godly missionary and mother. (Though I will say that due to missionary training she is the best travel buddy.)
She spent years deprogramming herself, watching decades of TV like it was her job in order to get caught up on pop culture. She had to figure out how to build self-confidence, how to handle relationships outside of her family, when to walk away from a bad situation, and how to manage her own health, both mental and physical.
It's weird, but I think the IBLP set her up to be very self-sufficient and independent, but perhaps in ways that cost. I look at my 10 year old and couldn't imagine her cooking an entire Thanksgiving dinner, but that's the kind of expectations that were set up for children in the cult. It seems like from an early age she learned how to 'adult', i.e. manage a budget, run a household, finish a basement. If I need to paint a room or organize the chaos in life, she is the one I call.
On the other hand, homeschooling did her a huge disservice as her mom was not equipped to teach math or science. She paid her own way through college, so she started a few years later than the rest of our group of young city people. It was a group project between several of us to tutor her through her general education and chemistry classes, with her blaming herself for being stupid despite the fact that she eventually graduated as valedictorian of her class.
None of her family are associated with IBLP at this point, but I wish they would apologize to her for the decades of damage she had to undo. I'm really proud of her, though, and she's one of the bravest people I know.
posted by Alison at 8:51 PM on May 16, 2021 [49 favorites]
It's weird, but I think the IBLP set her up to be very self-sufficient and independent, but perhaps in ways that cost.
This is the same way that the English public school system has justified itself for the last X hundred years.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 12:28 AM on May 17, 2021 [5 favorites]
This is the same way that the English public school system has justified itself for the last X hundred years.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 12:28 AM on May 17, 2021 [5 favorites]
"She spent years deprogramming herself, watching decades of TV like it was her job in order to get caught up on pop culture. She had to figure out how to build self-confidence, how to handle relationships outside of her family, when to walk away from a bad situation, and how to manage her own health, both mental and physical."Coming from a fringe cult myself, this paragraph is so relatable. It took years, and somewhat is still an ongoing process to find and keep self-confidence and deal with regular people on a day-to-day basis. Someone posted a meme recently along the lines of "you have 20 dollars to feed six people, you have one hour. What do you cook?" and I and my fellow cult survivors scoffed at how easy the assignment was since we were doing this like that already for dozens of people from an early age. I mean, I ran a kitchen for a household of 50 people when I was 14, I didn't go to highschool but got an MBA in my 40s, all sorts of weirdness when all I really wanted was to just be normal.
posted by WhyamIhereagain at 1:50 AM on May 17, 2021 [23 favorites]
you have 20 dollars to feed six people, you have one hour. What do you cook?
If I need to know I'd probably ask Jack Monroe, who has never (to my knowledge) been in a cult.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 6:02 AM on May 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
If I need to know I'd probably ask Jack Monroe, who has never (to my knowledge) been in a cult.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 6:02 AM on May 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
My paternal grandfather was a pedophile and a child molester. His wife, my grandmother, knew about it, and covered it up for decades. Right up until his death, and even after, she denied any wrongdoing, and has never apologized. He was a deacon in the church, and she continued to cover for him so as not to tarnish the family's good name. Court transcripts reveal some of the damage, but who knows how many victims her cover-up ultimately enabled him to abuse?
The two moments that stick with me most from growing up in the church are this, and my being thrown out for being gay. There's a reason I describe myself as a "recovering Christian." So much damage done to so many people.
posted by xedrik at 8:20 AM on May 17, 2021 [9 favorites]
The two moments that stick with me most from growing up in the church are this, and my being thrown out for being gay. There's a reason I describe myself as a "recovering Christian." So much damage done to so many people.
posted by xedrik at 8:20 AM on May 17, 2021 [9 favorites]
A take from Eve Ettinger, a former member of Quiverfull (the same fundamentalist movement the Duggars belong to): Inside the Quiverfull World That Made Josh Duggar. Content warnings: sexual, physical, emotional, and spiritual abuse.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:25 AM on May 19, 2021
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 1:25 AM on May 19, 2021
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