Gun-Surrendering Criminal Mark McCloskey's Very Sad St. Louis Rally

June 29, 2021 10:17 AM

"Noted local criminal Mark McCloskey played host to a barbecue/political rally on Sunday afternoon, drawing tens of admirers to the sweltering parking lot of a closed outlet mall in St. Louis County to celebrate the one-year anniversary of the time he pulled a gun on a crowd of people who otherwise would never have noticed or cared he existed." Riverfront Times writer Daniel Hill covers Mark McCloskey's cringeworthy rally as it should be covered.
posted by orange swan (58 comments total)

"Hamburglar costume" -- HAH!

The entire article, while funny, was mooted by the photograph taken from the rear of the event, showing clearly that nearly no one attended. Finding out that Cawthorn ghosted them was just gravy.
posted by wenestvedt at 10:22 AM on June 29, 2021 [15 favorites]

They couldn’t afford one of the lesser Limbaughs or the Get A Brain Morans guy to speak at this event? Pathetic
posted by NoMich at 10:22 AM on June 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

"At long last, after a gushing introduction in which Allman described Mark and Patricia as "everyone's favorite neighbors" (a characterization with which their actual neighbors whole-heartedly disagree), McCloskey took to the stage to bask in the adulation of the not even half-full seating area of his adoring fans."

I seriously felt like I needed a cigarette after I finished reading this article, and I've never even smoked in my life.
posted by orange swan at 10:28 AM on June 29, 2021 [48 favorites]

The whole gun-and-pony show was in service of McCloskey's deeply stupid run for U.S. Senate, because if there's one thing that qualifies a man for public office in the Republican party in 2021 it's a willingness to point a firearm at those with whom you disagree politically.

Fact check: TRUE
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:28 AM on June 29, 2021 [54 favorites]

Agreed. Hardly the Best of the Web.
posted by Rash at 10:45 AM on June 29, 2021

I'm self-flagging my earlier comment because of an unfortunate word choice, and will restate below:

While the article was a lovely snarky takedown of how pathetic this was, I have to ask why even bother giving this douchecomet any ink whatsoever?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:52 AM on June 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

After a sound check with local Deep Purple cover band Perfect Strangers, whose singer Terry Luttrell was the original vocalist for REO Speedwagon before parting ways with the band over its earlier, more politically motivated lyrics...

I assumed that the idea of politically motivated REO Speedwagon lyrics were a joke by the author, but apparently not and thus I have learned something new today.
posted by The Card Cheat at 10:54 AM on June 29, 2021 [28 favorites]

Golden Country, man. It's a jam, actually
posted by NoMich at 11:01 AM on June 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

"...JeffCo gun store owner Ian McFarland, who recently sold McCloskey a new gun when the latter handed his over to the state after pleading guilty to the crimes he'd committed..."

Now, I ain't no big city lawyer, but it seems to me that when a judge tells you to hand in your guns, and you do, but then you just go out and buy more guns, well, that looks a lot like contempt of court. But maybe I'm old fashioned.
posted by Capt. Renault at 11:09 AM on June 29, 2021 [58 favorites]

While the article was a lovely snarky takedown of how pathetic this was, I have to ask why even bother giving this douchecomet any ink whatsoever?

I can't speak for the writer, but they're bullies and cowards want us to be afraid of them as they are of us. Make them a laughingstock instead.
posted by Gelatin at 11:14 AM on June 29, 2021 [41 favorites]

"Tens of admirers" is up for grabs as a sockpuppet.
posted by jquinby at 11:15 AM on June 29, 2021 [25 favorites]

drawing tens of admirers

In English, one would usually say “dozens”. Downgrading it slightly to “tens” is a rhetorical masterstroke. *chef’s kiss*
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:22 AM on June 29, 2021 [48 favorites]

Local prices will vary, of course, but I feel pretty confident in saying that's about 5 to 10 grand rental cost for the stage and sound system.

Hope the production company got a deposit . . .
posted by soundguy99 at 11:25 AM on June 29, 2021 [15 favorites]

While the article was a lovely snarky takedown of how pathetic this was, I have to ask why even bother giving this douchecomet any ink whatsoever?

Bullies and fascists write their perceived moral mandate into the negative space left by our silence. Roast them all.
posted by Horkus at 11:31 AM on June 29, 2021 [78 favorites]

"Come Take And It"
posted by hoborg at 11:32 AM on June 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

I was looking for a more favorable account of this rally when I learned that the biggest newspaper in St. Louis, the Post-Dispatch, doesn't seem to have covered it at all.

The Riverfront Times has a hell of a photo gallery from the event, though. And McCloskey's Democratic opponent has a campaign ad that's pretty satisfying.
posted by box at 11:41 AM on June 29, 2021 [12 favorites]

Archive link for Riverfront Times piece.

A St. Louis couple who gained notoriety for pointing guns at social justice demonstrators pleaded guilty Thursday to misdemeanor charges, but the man left the courthouse defiantly pledging to “do it again” if faced with the same circumstances. Patricia McCloskey pleaded guilty to misdemeanor harassment and was fined $2,000. Her husband, Mark McCloskey, pleaded guilty to misdemeanor fourth-degree assault and was fined $750. They also agreed to give up the weapons they used during the confrontation. (KMOV4, June 17, 2021);

About an hour and a half after Mark and Patricia McCloskey plead guilty to misdemeanors for waving guns at protesters outside their Central West End home last year, the U.S. Senate candidate released a video response on his campaign page. In the video, Mark is holding an AR-15 while his wife stands next to him with a handgun. They are standing in front of a campaign banner. (Fox2Now, June 17, 2021); there are also some related tweets (Law & Crime, June 17, 2021)

A month before his guilty plea, Mark McCloskey launched his Senate campaign.

The attorney couple's "McCloskey Law Center: Premier St. Louis Injury Law Firm" site. The McCloskey Law Center is located in St. Louis, Missouri, yet maintains a national practice and has represented individuals in over 28 states.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:44 AM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

Oh my lord, the linked article about how awful of a neighbor these people are is astounding. They've sued to own almost everything they have in their lives. Way too many good pull quotes to use, but here's one as a taste:

"The McCloskeys have filed at least two “quiet title” suits asserting squatter’s rights on land they’ve occupied openly and hostilely — their terms — and claimed as their own. In an ongoing suit against Portland Place trustees in 2017, the McCloskeys say they are entitled to a 1,143-square-foot triangle of lawn in front of property that is set aside as common ground in the neighborhood’s indenture."

I'm so glad to see these chucklefucks roasted by journalists. Daniel Hill (author of the piece in the Riverfront Times) deserves an award for the shade he throws while being entirely truthful.
posted by thebotanyofsouls at 11:46 AM on June 29, 2021 [32 favorites]

The linked-through article on what awful neighbors and relatives they are -- they'll sue everybody to extend adverse possession of anything, basically -- is also really something.
posted by clew at 11:47 AM on June 29, 2021 [9 favorites]

> In English, one would usually say “dozens”. Downgrading it slightly to “tens” is a rhetorical masterstroke. *chef’s kiss*

Pip Skid - Tens of Dollars (full disclosure, the video was directed by one of my best friends)
posted by The Card Cheat at 11:56 AM on June 29, 2021

Yesss glad to see this posted here. Riverfront Times is great and Daniel Hill is a local treasure. He got laid off last year but decided to just keep writing in support of RFT. And then at one point he ran for governor. Legendary
posted by ghostbikes at 11:58 AM on June 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

"Come Take And It"

The cognitive dissonance of that linked pic is something. I mean, the government did.
posted by nushustu at 12:09 PM on June 29, 2021 [26 favorites]

This whole article is so delicious, I wish to spread it on toast points, and consume it along with a nice Armagnac.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 12:10 PM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

The linked article on how awful they are as people is amazing; they should be more worried about their neighbors being out to get them than anyone else. The beehive story was particularly upsetting: In 2013, he destroyed bee hives placed just outside of the mansion’s northern wall by the neighboring Jewish Central Reform Congregation and left a note saying he did it, and if the mess wasn’t cleaned up quickly he would seek a restraining order and attorneys fees. The congregation had planned to harvest the honey and pick apples from trees on its property for Rosh Hashanah. “The children were crying in school,” Rabbi Susan Talve said. “It was part of our curriculum.”

I couldn’t tell from the pictures but had to wonder: did she get that pesky mustard stain out of her shirt?
posted by TedW at 12:21 PM on June 29, 2021 [24 favorites]

“My life has been ruined,” Mark McCloskey told CNN host Chris Cuomo two days later, as he defended his actions.

"Watch my life be ruined as I use this to try to gain as much publicity as possible and fail miserably because I'm an ugly stupid fuck that literally nobody likes (not even my wife.)."

I read the article about how awful they are to literally everyone they encounter when it came out a year ago. I don't have much more to say about these scum than I did then.

As someone said in the article, they are the problem, even though they think they're the solution.

Fucking crazy selfish fucks man, they're everywhere these days.
posted by deadaluspark at 12:30 PM on June 29, 2021 [16 favorites]

they’ve occupied openly and hostilely

As a point of order, that's a legal term of art equivalent to what in some other states is termed "openly and notoriously". That doesn't make them any less assholish, though, just minimally competent in at least one aspect of their job.
posted by wierdo at 12:55 PM on June 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

After perusing the photo gallery linked above, I have to say that “tens of supporters” might be an exaggeration, unless they were counting the people who were working there. And the people who just came to see the Deep Purple cover band.
posted by TedW at 12:59 PM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

The Riverfront Times has been fighting the good fight in my home town since the countercultural revolution. Good on ‘em!
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 1:00 PM on June 29, 2021 [11 favorites]

that thing about the beehives is just AWFUL. what hateful despicable people they are.
posted by supermedusa at 1:08 PM on June 29, 2021 [38 favorites]

Nothing like suburbanite Sovereign Citizens for that perfect melange of “mah rites!” and being unrepentant assholes to everyone in spitting distance.
posted by Thorzdad at 1:58 PM on June 29, 2021 [8 favorites]

The McCloskey story is like that of a movie supervillian:

He was gifted his family farm, but a judge declared it not a legal transfer due to some documents not filed properly and took it away.

So he became a lawyer himself and has been using the law for evil ever since.

See towards the middle of this article

It's pretty surprising how much damage you can do with some expensive specialized knowledge and an upper middle class upbringing.
posted by The_Vegetables at 2:03 PM on June 29, 2021 [19 favorites]

I can’t take any satisfaction in snarking on this. Remember how ridiculous USA Freedom Kids seemed?
posted by bonobothegreat at 2:10 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

There were t-shirts for sale and posters on display at the rally that were emblazoned with the words "1st Annual Pink Shirt Guy BBQ and Rino Roast".

Given how dismal the financial returns on this event must have been... it seems optimistic to think there'll be more Pink Shirt Guy BBQs.
posted by orange swan at 2:14 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

Does anyone know what's going on in this photo?

It looks like they have some kind of Who's-the-biggest-RINO game going, but then also the things in the jars kinda look like shotgun shells?
posted by box at 2:20 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

My guess is you make a donation, get a shotgun shell, and drop it in the jar of the one you think is the biggest RINO of them all. Not sure what the outcome of the vote might be.
posted by Thorzdad at 2:23 PM on June 29, 2021 [3 favorites]

Maybe that's how they pick the name of the plastic rhinoceros on the fake barbecue spit.

(Also, he has octagonal campaign signs that look like security-alarm signs, and say 'Protected By Mark McCloskey U.S. Senate.' This is all so, so stupid.)
posted by box at 2:54 PM on June 29, 2021 [2 favorites]

$20 bottles of barbecue sauce
posted by clawsoon at 4:40 PM on June 29, 2021 [1 favorite]

$20, and the label is the 2020 photo of the McCloskeys threatening the BLM protestors -- with the guns 'shopped out.
He brandishes a giant spatula while she grips tongs: Mark McCloskey's Sweet and Smoky BBQ sauce pic.
posted by Iris Gambol at 4:53 PM on June 29, 2021 [4 favorites]

In 2013, he destroyed bee hives placed just outside of the mansion’s northern wall by the neighboring Jewish Central Reform Congregation and left a note saying he did it, and if the mess wasn’t cleaned up quickly he would seek a restraining order and attorneys fees. The congregation had planned to harvest the honey and pick apples from trees on its property for Rosh Hashanah. “The children were crying in school,” Rabbi Susan Talve said. “It was part of our curriculum.”

They certainly learned a lesson, about rich white assholes.
posted by JHarris at 5:10 PM on June 29, 2021 [18 favorites]

$20 bottles of barbecue sauce

Almost certainly a Kirkland-esque thing where they probably got some large scale manufacturer to give them a bunch of mass-produced bottles of HFCS that they just slapped a (terrible) label on.

Then there's this, something deeply telling/disturbingly upsetting about this photo, which is similar to the photoshop of Trump's head on Rocky's body. The outright absurdity of trying to present two middle aged people who've pretty much clearly let themselves go (hell, I'm pretty much the same!) as a hairy chest so full of muscles it bursts out of his shirt font of machismo, and, well whatever they were trying to do with Patricia McCloskey, where it seems like they just kind of gave up and said, eh, it's sort of sexy enough, it's just another example of the weirdly reality-denying psychosis that seems to go hand in hand with all of this.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:36 PM on June 29, 2021 [18 favorites]

THey don't even have the courage of their convictions. I'd go full Conan. Two-handed great sword ( a suitable weapon for the portlier swordsman) for him, chainmail bikini for her.
posted by thelonius at 6:14 PM on June 29, 2021 [7 favorites]

Then there's this, something deeply telling/disturbingly upsetting about this photo

When you can't afford Ben Garrison.
posted by clawsoon at 7:00 PM on June 29, 2021 [6 favorites]

This article is priceless. The tens of supporters that would rather vote in a firearm than a human as Senator and are forced to settle for this fucklechuck ... so true, so funny, so tragic.
posted by riverlife at 9:58 PM on June 29, 2021

"Come on home, girl" he said with a Heil
"You wear your Hamburgler suit, let's aim high awhile"
But try to understand, try to understand
Try, try, try to understand, he's a mansion man, yeah

posted by kirkaracha at 11:20 PM on June 29, 2021 [10 favorites]

Well if not for this I'd have never read Terry Luttrell's brief, sad wiki and then never been treated to the story about how Gary Richrath and his mates drove off and left him in a cornfield in the middle of the night as a lovely parting gift from REO Speedwagon. Good times.
posted by thecincinnatikid at 5:35 AM on June 30, 2021 [5 favorites]

That was really difficult to read.

The REO Speedwagon connection was interesting.
posted by james33 at 6:00 AM on June 30, 2021

Now I really want to see a giant billboard across from his house, with a photo of his gun, and the slogan “we came and took it”
posted by caution live frogs at 6:26 AM on June 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

“Hey guys! I got us a gig?”
“Who is this?”
“Your lead singer, I'm getting the band back together.”
“Dude, it’s been what, 20 years.”
“This is gonna rock, it’s for that guy and his wife who waved guns at each other.”
“Hmmm. Only if they pay up front and we can sing ironic lyrics.”
“Yeah man, whatever you want!”
posted by lothar at 6:34 AM on June 30, 2021

The amount of fear and betrayal in those pictures would be heartbreaking if I wasn't in almost the exact demographics these people lash out at hardest.
posted by Jacen at 7:00 AM on June 30, 2021 [3 favorites]

Daniel Hill (author of the piece in the Riverfront Times) deserves an award for the shade he throws while being entirely truthful.

It's even better than that. All the shade he throws, he throws by being entirely truthful.
posted by flabdablet at 7:38 AM on June 30, 2021 [6 favorites]

Soundtrack for the thread
posted by flabdablet at 7:40 AM on June 30, 2021

Live soundtrack for the thread!

YouTube really is a treat some days.
posted by flabdablet at 7:48 AM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

I really want to see a giant billboard across from his house, with a photo of his gun, and the slogan “we came and took it”

and a huge PA speaker mounted on it as well, through which this thread's soundtrack gets blasted at extreme volume whenever all his neighbours push the big red buttons on their kitchen tables at the same time.
posted by flabdablet at 8:11 AM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

I love this. This is actually how the media should cover these events and it's so refreshing to not have to read about these fanatics through a false "both sides" narrative. Oh man, the photo caption on the autographed gun is hilarious... "Wow, valuable!" Thanks for the great link, OP.
posted by areaperson at 9:54 AM on June 30, 2021 [13 favorites]

First we ignored them, now we're laughing at them, soon we'll fight them, I wonder what will happen after that.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 12:31 PM on June 30, 2021 [4 favorites]

My efforts to find more information about the mysterious DJ Fish don't pan out as well as I'd hoped?
posted by box at 12:44 PM on June 30, 2021

First we ignored them, now we're laughing at them, soon we'll fight them, I wonder what will happen after that.

We fuckin' chow down on that BBQ'd rhino.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:13 PM on June 30, 2021 [1 favorite]

First we ignored them, now we're laughing at them, soon we'll fight them, I wonder what will happen after that.

Well, in the case of 45, the presidency.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 3:34 PM on June 30, 2021