Not because we don't love him, we're just TIRED
July 7, 2021 8:52 AM   Subscribe

54 pounds of pure unadulterated kinetic energy, Hank is lucky enough to be fostered by someone (or someone who knows someone) who put together a very appealing website about this very energetic dog with NO BALLS.

That's the whole post. Enjoy this dog's website.
posted by chesty_a_arthur (20 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
posted by not_that_epiphanius at 8:57 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]

Enjoyed. I fear my judgement is skewed as we have hellions of our own, but Hank seems like a super fun dog!
posted by domino at 9:12 AM on July 7 [3 favorites]

I'm not going to adopt Hank, but I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to get to know Hank.
posted by eclectist at 9:27 AM on July 7 [13 favorites]

I'd be lying if I said that I didn't want to get to know Hank.

Me too! Maybe me and Hank could be penpals or something
posted by aubilenon at 9:40 AM on July 7 [6 favorites]

Hank rocks! The website writer fucking rocks too!
posted by AugustWest at 10:22 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]

Hank needs to come to the 45 acre dog park near my house for a couple hours a day to run himself out with the other intense dogs.
posted by rockindata at 10:28 AM on July 7 [3 favorites]

I'm exhausted after watching half the videos. Good luck, Hank!
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:37 AM on July 7

I'm more of the 45 mph couch potato (greyhound) type but Hank seems like a hell of a dog. Hope he finds the right home soon!
posted by misskaz at 10:47 AM on July 7 [1 favorite]

My dog was a little like this at that age. I'd take him the mile walk to the local dog park, play for 45 minutes, then a mile back, he'd sleep for an hour, then he'd beg to play indoors fetch. This was on top of 2-3 days at doggy daycare/week. It was a LOT. I lived in an apartment with no yard, and on non-doggy daycare days, he'd get at least 4 walks a day.

Now he's 8 and I have to scrape him off his bed to get him to go out more than twice a day. We still go to the dog park once a day, but now it's more just for him to sniff his favorite spots, poop in freedom (I still don't have a yard), and get pets from his favorite regulars. There's hope for Hank!
posted by lunasol at 12:54 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]

awww Hanky. I hope he finds the right home.
posted by supermedusa at 1:02 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]

Aw, he doesn't seem that wild to me for a one year old pup, which I guess says something about my dog. I bet he'd do great in a home that can give him regular exercise and work on training an off switch....though probably not so great in the "feed and forget" type of home, so the dramatic description might help prevent that!
posted by randomnity at 1:19 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]

Hank seems like a great guy and I hope he finds the exact right home.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:29 PM on July 7 [1 favorite]

I wish there had been a web site this honest about my Open Box Dog, who is named Cooper and not Hank. *deep, deep sigh*
posted by wenestvedt at 3:30 PM on July 7 [1 favorite]

That was excellent. I enjoyed Hank because I could enjoy him vicariously. I have my own former Hank, who weighs less than half what Hank does. We rehomed ours when he was several months old (he was not abused, just proved to be too much for his original family) and I was like, "Is this puppy...normal??" because our old dog was 13 when he died and that was my most recent yardstick for normal dog behaviour.

To be fair, he's now 5 years old and has settled down a lot. However, I had to laugh when I saw that video of Hank "helping" because it was so familiar. Ours can be snoozing on the couch but you better not bust out the broom or next thing you know he'll be wildly attacking it. I mean helping.

Hank is great and I would love for any of my friends to adopt him so I could visit him and then go home to semi-peace and quiet.
posted by hurdy gurdy girl at 4:20 PM on July 7 [5 favorites]

I clicked on the link on my work laptop and it was blocked under category "adult." I was curious, so now that my work laptop is off for the night I remembered to check it out again. Just a bunch of fucks and assholes and a page that says "NO BALLS" is enough to get a site categorized as "adult" now on corporate nannyware?

Get your shit together, Palo Alto Networks. Fucking assholes can't even categorize a pet adoption website properly.
posted by tclark at 6:33 PM on July 7 [4 favorites]

Hank looks like a sweetheart!

It's also really good that his foster human went through the trouble of making this awesome website for him because the photos on his rescue page are terrible.
posted by vespertinism at 9:00 PM on July 7 [2 favorites]

Get your shit together, Palo Alto Networks.

I've submitted a category change request at:

There are similar pages for all of the web proxy vendors, in case anyone else runs into such an issue.

Best wishes to Hank!
posted by vira at 9:43 PM on July 7 [1 favorite]

Awww, that is a delight; thank you for posting. I have one Hank-y dog already and it doesn’t seem like it would be THAT much more work to have two? At least Hank might cuddle. Alas: Texas is very far from here. I have high hopes he will find his person!
posted by charmedimsure at 12:00 AM on July 8 [1 favorite]

I Want That Dogo!!

If Hank was in my town, he'd be home by now.
posted by james33 at 4:42 AM on July 8 [1 favorite]

And now their Web server's database is TIRED, too.
posted by HillbillyInBC at 7:30 AM on July 8

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