"I Want to Have My Say"

July 8, 2021 7:36 AM

“I wanted to tell my story,” she says, “because I had been written about. Paul had written about the marriage, in separate books. And Louis has written about his parents. As a woman, as someone who isn’t a famous person, I just thought, I want to have my say. I thought, this picture of me as a character in someone else’s books, that’s not me.” Anne Theroux interviewed in the Guardian about her new memoir, The Year of the End
posted by chavenet (15 comments total)

I'm so sorry she had to go through this. Her son -- her son! that she bore and raised! said:

“I found it intimate and honest and revealing,” replied Louis. “It gave an insight into my parents’ relationship I would never have had otherwise and I admire her for taking the step of putting the work into writing it.” He added: “It’s always slightly odd when you read about your parents’ intimate lives, so I won’t say there was no aspect of it that gave me a moment of slight cringe, but that’s to be expected. She is still – to me – first and foremost my mum.”

C'mon, man. C'mon. That's so backhanded that my cheek hurts.

I used to be a fan of Paul Theroux's travel work; then I got older and got very tired of his nonsense all of a sudden. He has a real sweep and perspective in his nonfiction writing and in the fiction writing that's grounded in the outside world, but when it comes to the intricacies of life for one half of the human race: no. In The Mosquito Coast, Allie Fox was a genuine and terrifying monster, but his wife didn't even have a name.

I wouldn't advise someone to have a close relationship with a publishing writer if they want to be in charge of how they are remembered to the world. (Well, I advise people to have relationships with me, but I am the Boundary Respecter and, for possibly related reasons, hardly anyone reads my work.)
posted by Countess Elena at 8:54 AM on July 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

I’m sensing a theme today …
posted by anshuman at 8:59 AM on July 8, 2021 [9 favorites]

That's so backhanded that my cheek hurts.

I dunno; reading the fine details of my parents relationship would be pretty cringey for me, too, I expect. One of many reasons you shouldn't go to close relatives of the author for a book review...
posted by kaibutsu at 9:54 AM on July 8, 2021 [14 favorites]

A theme: see also Betty Harper Fussell, especially My Kitchen Wars. (Many of the skirmishes were with Paul Fussell, whose The Great War and Modern Memory is very good and should probably be in the Frodo-and-Sam thread too.)
posted by clew at 10:07 AM on July 8, 2021 [3 favorites]

That's so backhanded that my cheek hurts.

I thought it was sweet? That's how he views the person who bore and raised him first. As his Mom.

Not as the only thing, just the first thing. My mom is a broker. She is my mom, the broker.

Just like Anne Theroux is his mum, the writer?

I feel like I'm missing something from your comment. Or possibly I haven't had enough coffee today.
posted by right_then at 10:32 AM on July 8, 2021 [11 favorites]

I also used to read lots of Thoreaux's travel writing. There's a whoooole lotta feelings that I would now simply classify as 'ok, boomer,' but the story in Dark Star Safari about getting thrown out of Malawi, nearly tanking the entire Peace Corp project, and fscking off to Uganda to spend a few years hanging with VS Naipaul* is GLORIOUS.

--

Travel writing is one of my favorite genres, and I think it's a real shame that it's such a narrow shelf in any bookstore. At its best, its stories of people encountering different ways of examining and living in the world, and being changed by the experience. The whole project of travel writing is so human from top to bottom - a total reminder that the map does not equal the territory, that you actually CAN'T know what you're getting into until you've dropped onto the ground. And a reminder that we can build empathy with one another and make real connections despite barriers of language, class, and culture.

At its worst, of course, travel writing is just the bragging of narcissistic fuckwads drinking too much with a pretty backdrop.

Thoreaux, at various times, manages to hit the whole range.
posted by kaibutsu at 10:39 AM on July 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

There are some amazing moments in The Kingdom by the Sea. It's one of my favorite books.
posted by Morpeth at 10:56 AM on July 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

I'm not terribly familiar with Louis Theroux's work other than very brief fly-bys, and I'm not well-read in Paul's writings (but some), and re: the pull-quote from Louis.. I'm not sure how that is an extraordinary thing to say, from a son? I'll include myself among those who don't get the back-hand aspect of this. Certainly, being a child of someone is incredibly difficult to 'see' past and I certainly couldn't get there, for the many ways I did develop friendships with my parents (and lucky to say that). But they were always mom and dad, I just never escaped that.
posted by elkevelvet at 11:36 AM on July 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

I accept that maybe I misread it. I come from the land of sweet passive aggression. When I hear someone say "I admire your work in putting this into writing. It's very intimate and revealing ..." it sounds to me like a masterful avoidance of a compliment.
posted by Countess Elena at 12:21 PM on July 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

After reading the interview, I get this from the comment by Countess Elena: that her own son, was saying, "Ooogh Mum why'd you have to talk about that?!" because, to Louis, she has to be his mum first and foremost, not a person who lives her life in addition to being a mum.
And....
whose father had written extensively and in many different degrees of truth/fiction about his marriage,
so the entire reason she wrote about it was,
"I thought, this picture of me as a character in someone else’s books, that’s not me."
So, yeah, bit of a backhanded not compliment. Your dad got to mine the relationship for material, but she's A Mum!
posted by winesong at 12:23 PM on July 8, 2021 [10 favorites]

Louis, the son being quoted, has also written about his parents. So she's not always Mum foremost, sometimes she's writing fodder. Or being Mum is not worthy of not being writing fodder.
posted by clew at 1:57 PM on July 8, 2021 [4 favorites]

I used to be a fan of Paul Theroux's travel work; then I got older and got very tired of his nonsense all of a sudden. He has a real sweep and perspective in his nonfiction writing and in the fiction writing that's grounded in the outside world, but when it comes to the intricacies of life for one half of the human race: no. In The Mosquito Coast, Allie Fox was a genuine and terrifying monster, but his wife didn't even have a name.

I really liked the Mosquito Coast when I first read it (and never noticed that the wife wasn't named); I wonder how well it would stand up to a rereading now. His travel writing never really agreed with me, though. I tried a couple of books and found his overall tone kind of off-putting so never read any others.
posted by Dip Flash at 3:31 PM on July 8, 2021 [1 favorite]

Marcel Theroux, the oldest son, also weighed in: Marcel was reluctant for her to publish the memoir. “I’ve no real desire for all this to be made public,” he admitted. “Still, my dad has had his say, multiple times, Louis has published a memoir and I understand that my mum wants to have her voice heard and not just turn up as an NPC in other people’s books. I support her in that.” NPC is a gaming term that’s evolved to mean someone with no agency – a “non-playable character”.

Anne Theroux, in the same article, on an instance of her then-husband having his say: “He was writing very directly about his marriage, except it wasn’t our marriage. There’s a book called My Secret History, which is pretty autobiographical, with the usual disclaimer saying these are fictional characters. There’s a chapter about me having an affair while he’s away. And his reaction, which is extreme. And then the last chapter is about him having an affair and going around India, first with his lover, and then with his wife who doesn’t know. And that upset me because it really happened. And yet it wasn’t the truth about what really happened. And the woman that was me was, I thought, a lesser person than me.” The male fictional character reflects: “I had married a pretty girl, but she had quickly become a discontented woman.” When My Secret History was published, friends would ask how she felt about the novel and she would grit her teeth and say it was wonderful. She looks down. “Actually, I would read it in order to find things out.”

Bolding mine. Marcel and Louis, both of whom are in their 50s, are writers; until now, Anne was the only family member not to have published a book. I'm with Countess Elena's initial take, and I wish the sons (and their father; the Guardian interrupts his puffed-up pronouncement to note Paul's "just completed his 51st book") hadn't been solicited for quotes for the article.
posted by Iris Gambol at 5:10 PM on July 8, 2021 [7 favorites]

I wish the sons (and their father; the Guardian interrupts his puffed-up pronouncement to note Paul's "just completed his 51st book") hadn't been solicited for quotes for the article.

We don’t know anything much about their comments or how they were solicited — there may be missing context around the quoted passages, and possibly even something more positive about the book itself, we just don’t know. As quoted I agree they don’t add much to the piece apart from a more or less grudging, depending on which of the three, acknowledgment that the story is as much hers as theirs (no shit!).

But I know why they added the quotes: the memoir is likely to be a commercial proposition largely because the people quoted, who are part of the family relationship at the heart of the memoir, are famous.
posted by Quinbus Flestrin at 6:05 PM on July 8, 2021 [2 favorites]

Sure. Just referencing them may have worked well enough. It may have generated publicity, even, in a pot-stirring way, if their names had appeared without quotes.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:41 PM on July 8, 2021 [1 favorite]