Are you over or under?
July 14, 2021 5:18 AM Subscribe
Guardian: “The most surprisingly contentious subject? Toilet roll orientation.” Daily Mirror: “Perhaps you've ended a relationship or even disinherited a family member based on their toilet roll orientation.” The related Wikipedia page, the cat complication, Christmas ruined and some science. What to do if faced with this problem? Toilet paper facts e.g. “Seven percent of Americans steal rolls of toilet paper in hotels or motels.” MetaDebate: clockwise or counter-clockwise? MetaNostalgia: Izal and Bronco: shiny side on cheeks or away from cheeks?
There's a shiny side of toilet paper?
posted by Thorzdad at 5:29 AM on July 14, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by Thorzdad at 5:29 AM on July 14, 2021 [12 favorites]
There's a shiny side of toilet paper?
In the UK this used to be widespread, especially in schools. Actually the word 'widespread' has an extra meaning here as the shiny side was not absorbent (and if you folded it, the resulting crease could be sharp enough to give you a papercut somewhere you did not want a paper cut). It was one of the rites of passage of being a young child at school - figuring out how to wipe your arse effectively without creating an incident or requiring the intervention of an adult.
I suspect this is the psychological reason why quite a few schools were burnt down in the middle of night in the 80s and 90s.
posted by Wordshore at 5:36 AM on July 14, 2021 [22 favorites]
In the UK this used to be widespread, especially in schools. Actually the word 'widespread' has an extra meaning here as the shiny side was not absorbent (and if you folded it, the resulting crease could be sharp enough to give you a papercut somewhere you did not want a paper cut). It was one of the rites of passage of being a young child at school - figuring out how to wipe your arse effectively without creating an incident or requiring the intervention of an adult.
I suspect this is the psychological reason why quite a few schools were burnt down in the middle of night in the 80s and 90s.
posted by Wordshore at 5:36 AM on July 14, 2021 [22 favorites]
I do not. Understand. Why. People care about this.
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:48 AM on July 14, 2021 [40 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:48 AM on July 14, 2021 [40 favorites]
I can make a reasonable case for either position, though pets and toddlers can make a more compelling case.
posted by clawsoon at 5:58 AM on July 14, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by clawsoon at 5:58 AM on July 14, 2021 [8 favorites]
Over in the general case, under if there are toddlers or cats in the house, doesn’t matter much either way? (Edit: jinx)
posted by mhoye at 5:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [8 favorites]
posted by mhoye at 5:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [8 favorites]
I am firmly an "over" person; my child firmly an "under." During their high school years, a silent but persistent 4-year battle ensued, where neither one of us talked about The Toilet Paper Thing, but I would go to use the facilities, see it had been switched to "under", and I would change it back to "over." Four years of this; never discussed. I came to love this; and love the persistence in my child, in the way that only love can transform what, in other situations, would be aggravating.
My child is grown and on their own now, and I miss this in the same way I miss the sound of them humming while they cooked and the delightful little "gulp" sound they make when they are drinking water when extremely thirsty.
posted by Silvery Fish at 6:01 AM on July 14, 2021 [48 favorites]
My child is grown and on their own now, and I miss this in the same way I miss the sound of them humming while they cooked and the delightful little "gulp" sound they make when they are drinking water when extremely thirsty.
posted by Silvery Fish at 6:01 AM on July 14, 2021 [48 favorites]
I am firmly a "balance the roll of TP on top of the roller" kind of guy because I think the whole "roll" thing with toilet paper is a dumb leftover 19th century "invention" that isn't actually all that helpful.
Give me toilet paper I can pull out like facial tissue, please and thank you.
Or even better, I'm about to move into a place where I can finally install this bidet I've had since the before the pandemic.
Bidet is the real solution, toilet paper is just mashing poop all over your ass.
posted by deadaluspark at 6:05 AM on July 14, 2021 [10 favorites]
Give me toilet paper I can pull out like facial tissue, please and thank you.
Or even better, I'm about to move into a place where I can finally install this bidet I've had since the before the pandemic.
Bidet is the real solution, toilet paper is just mashing poop all over your ass.
posted by deadaluspark at 6:05 AM on July 14, 2021 [10 favorites]
For Mefi previouslies, and other important debates about people doing things incorrectly, see MefiWiki’s YouWHAT.
posted by zamboni at 6:07 AM on July 14, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by zamboni at 6:07 AM on July 14, 2021 [11 favorites]
I'm a 50 year old male with a penis who went to Boy's bathrooms in school. I don't think I ever—even once—did a number two at school because the bathrooms were gross and most of the stalls had missing doors (Chicago Public School system). I might have HAD to once or twice as it's something that's not always controllable... but it was certainly something I actively avoided. I guess I had really regular BMs at home? Of course, I went to grade school in the 70s-80s and high school in the 80s in the USA where this sharp, dangerous TP was likely not a thing.
As for the roll over or under I guess I prefer over but this really is a dumb thing people regularly talk about on the internet (like shaving with straight razors/anti-safety razor discussions) and well, here we are again.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:08 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
As for the roll over or under I guess I prefer over but this really is a dumb thing people regularly talk about on the internet (like shaving with straight razors/anti-safety razor discussions) and well, here we are again.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:08 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
I am a firm believer in the Truth of Over, while my wife is firmly Agnostic-Random. She just crams the roll on whichever way, she doesn't care. I've learned to accept this and correct the roll orientation as necessary.
posted by fimbulvetr at 6:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by fimbulvetr at 6:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
Two links which should have gone in the FPP:
A 2007 AskMeFi question: Toilet Paper: Under vs. Over
Vice: “Toilet paper in general is advertised only vaguely. You can never show the location where it's used, which is your ass.”
posted by Wordshore at 6:14 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
A 2007 AskMeFi question: Toilet Paper: Under vs. Over
Vice: “Toilet paper in general is advertised only vaguely. You can never show the location where it's used, which is your ass.”
posted by Wordshore at 6:14 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
As is my custom during Mefi TP debates, I will link to the appropriate soundtrack, Mal Webb’s Bog Reel.
Chorus:posted by zamboni at 6:17 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Do you put the toilet roll paper over or paper under?
It could be a major blunder, it splits the world asunder
If the toilet tissue issue drives you up the wall
But it's neither better or worse, it's just different, that's all
My partner is generally a much tidier person than I am which makes me absolutely delighted that she tolerates and has even joined in with my radical anarchist “just put the roll on the vanity” system.
posted by mellow seas at 6:24 AM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by mellow seas at 6:24 AM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
I give my housemate and me a lot of credit for sanity on the subject. I'm an under, she's an over. The person who refills the toilet paper holder chooses which way to put the roll in, and the other person leaves it that way.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 6:24 AM on July 14, 2021 [12 favorites]
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 6:24 AM on July 14, 2021 [12 favorites]
Between this and the wombat post, is it Butt Stuff Week on the blue? Not objecting, just wondering when we'll see the third in the tri[de]fecta.
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:26 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:26 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
During their high school years, a silent but persistent 4-year battle ensued
I wonder if your kid had any idea they were in a "battle" about this at all.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:27 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
I wonder if your kid had any idea they were in a "battle" about this at all.
posted by tiny frying pan at 6:27 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
A classic Wordshore post! Thanks
posted by mumimor at 6:39 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by mumimor at 6:39 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
I guess when it comes to toilet paper, there's no bothsidesing it
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 6:46 AM on July 14, 2021 [14 favorites]
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 6:46 AM on July 14, 2021 [14 favorites]
Yup...best of the web, right here...
posted by Billiken at 6:49 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Billiken at 6:49 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
Between this and the wombat post, is it Butt Stuff Week on the blue? Not objecting, just wondering when we'll see the third in the tri[de]fecta.
Do not tempt Wordshore, the Pontiff of Poo, the Marquis of Manure, the Baron of Bathroom Topics!
Remember: Poo-ly has been CANCELLED!
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
Do not tempt Wordshore, the Pontiff of Poo, the Marquis of Manure, the Baron of Bathroom Topics!
Remember: Poo-ly has been CANCELLED!
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
Regarding Izal, it used to really puzzle me that we had what seemed to be literal tracing paper in the toilet stalls at school. It didn't work for the intended purpose! You can't blot moisture away with something that's not absorbent!
It's only just dawned on me that the people who made that decision might have had the kind of anatomy that doesn't need blotting.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 7:19 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
It's only just dawned on me that the people who made that decision might have had the kind of anatomy that doesn't need blotting.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 7:19 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
As a relatively new homeowner with a septic tank - after only living in mains sewer connected homes all my life - all I can say is I don’t care which way the toilet paper goes, just as long as only toilet paper (and the associated bodily waste) gets flushed. You can hang your rolls like ornaments and tinsel on a spectacular festive bathroom tree (with air freshener adorning the top) - as long as it’s only unbleached short fiber rolls made from recycled paper.
Which reminds me I have to go check the septic tank this weekend…..*sigh*
posted by inflatablekiwi at 7:34 AM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
Which reminds me I have to go check the septic tank this weekend…..*sigh*
posted by inflatablekiwi at 7:34 AM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
You can't blot moisture away with something that's not absorbent!
Quite. 1974: when Michael, one of the others in my class, stabbed himself with the sharp end of a compass and started to bleed, the teacher took him aside, gave him a few sheets of the non-absorbent toilet paper and told him to keep it pressed for a while. Michael reappears in class a few minutes later, still holding the paper in place but with blood coming out of the sides. At which point Alexandra (another classmate) fainted and the angry teacher finally and very reluctantly called for a doctor ("Your incompetence means more paperwork for me, stupid boy.")
(I think bandages and the very locked first aid box were reserved for more serious incidents e.g. fingers lost)
My more direct memory of the non-absorbent toilet paper was how miserably cold the toilet block was in winter, which added to the overall discomfort. The issue of which way round the toilet paper went was, in our case, not an issue as we had to ask for paper every time - children in the very junior classes got one sheet, the more senior classes two sheets, prefects three sheets.
posted by Wordshore at 7:36 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
Quite. 1974: when Michael, one of the others in my class, stabbed himself with the sharp end of a compass and started to bleed, the teacher took him aside, gave him a few sheets of the non-absorbent toilet paper and told him to keep it pressed for a while. Michael reappears in class a few minutes later, still holding the paper in place but with blood coming out of the sides. At which point Alexandra (another classmate) fainted and the angry teacher finally and very reluctantly called for a doctor ("Your incompetence means more paperwork for me, stupid boy.")
(I think bandages and the very locked first aid box were reserved for more serious incidents e.g. fingers lost)
My more direct memory of the non-absorbent toilet paper was how miserably cold the toilet block was in winter, which added to the overall discomfort. The issue of which way round the toilet paper went was, in our case, not an issue as we had to ask for paper every time - children in the very junior classes got one sheet, the more senior classes two sheets, prefects three sheets.
posted by Wordshore at 7:36 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
Can someone post a paper of this "shiny" toilet paper? That sounds horrifying.
Oh, and I've definitely seen toilet paper you pull out like tissues. It's always in places where they're obviously doing this because it's the cheapest, crappiest toilet paper you can get and because pulling out multiple squares is so annoying that people surely use less. I associate with the sketchiest doughnut shops.
Over.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:45 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Oh, and I've definitely seen toilet paper you pull out like tissues. It's always in places where they're obviously doing this because it's the cheapest, crappiest toilet paper you can get and because pulling out multiple squares is so annoying that people surely use less. I associate with the sketchiest doughnut shops.
Over.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:45 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Can someone post a paper of this "shiny" toilet paper? That sounds horrifying
It's not a sheet, but here's a 1930s/40s roll in the Science Museum in London.
posted by scorbet at 7:48 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
It's not a sheet, but here's a 1930s/40s roll in the Science Museum in London.
posted by scorbet at 7:48 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
I wonder if your kid had any idea they were in a "battle" about this at all.
Oh, yes!! It has been discussed now that they are in adulthood. I speak about it in tones of whimsical delight while they grouse about how frustrating it was to see it “done wrong.” Time will temper that.
Parenthood really is learning how to play the long game.
posted by Silvery Fish at 7:50 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
Oh, yes!! It has been discussed now that they are in adulthood. I speak about it in tones of whimsical delight while they grouse about how frustrating it was to see it “done wrong.” Time will temper that.
Parenthood really is learning how to play the long game.
posted by Silvery Fish at 7:50 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
MetaFilter: Your incompetence means more paperwork for me, stupid boy.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:51 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:51 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
Here's some more info on the history of toilet paper AKA cloacopapyrology, including some more photos.
posted by scorbet at 7:53 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by scorbet at 7:53 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
As a child I had a deep, innate sense that under was right. But I got told I was wrong so many times that under looks weird to me now and I default to over in my own home. A microcosmic example of the degree of social conformity that is expected from nearly everyone on nearly every subject, regardless of whether it matters at all.
posted by terretu at 7:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by terretu at 7:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Can someone post a paper of this "shiny" toilet paper?
It was like wax paper, but only on one side.
And as one who's approached the stall with filthy hands, where the TP is held by only a very crude two-wire harness such that the roll rests against the wall, I know that Over is the only way. (Else pushing it with one's grubby fingers soils the wall.)
That is all.
posted by Rash at 7:58 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
It was like wax paper, but only on one side.
And as one who's approached the stall with filthy hands, where the TP is held by only a very crude two-wire harness such that the roll rests against the wall, I know that Over is the only way. (Else pushing it with one's grubby fingers soils the wall.)
That is all.
posted by Rash at 7:58 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
shiny side on cheeks or away from cheeks?
is this about paper, or the three shells?
posted by Groundhog Week at 7:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
is this about paper, or the three shells?
posted by Groundhog Week at 7:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
There was more discussion about 'hard' toilet paper in an AskMe from a couple weeks ago. I've been imagining it as similar to deli paper, or the shiny tissue that disposable toilet seat covers are made of.
posted by yeahlikethat at 8:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by yeahlikethat at 8:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
It was like wax paper, but only on one side.
But the whole point of waxing paper is to make it non-absorbent/impermeable....so I guess it keeps your hands from getting imperceptibly moist if you don't have enough paper layers there? Like what is the point of waxing toilet paper?
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
But the whole point of waxing paper is to make it non-absorbent/impermeable....so I guess it keeps your hands from getting imperceptibly moist if you don't have enough paper layers there? Like what is the point of waxing toilet paper?
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Can someone post a paper of this "shiny" toilet paper?
This image accurately captures the full luxury of Izal brand paper.
posted by robself at 8:03 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
This image accurately captures the full luxury of Izal brand paper.
posted by robself at 8:03 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
During the height of the great toilet paper shortage of 2020 I ordered some TP on Amazon as an emergency backup. It arrived about two months later. From China. It’s still in its multiple layers of packaging - in our emergency supply cupboard. I’ve been thinking of sending it down to the Cyber Ninjas’ Arizona Vote Audit so they can check it for bamboo fibers. Unfortunately USPS doesn’t allow shipping of used TP ……so there goes that plan….
posted by inflatablekiwi at 8:10 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by inflatablekiwi at 8:10 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Some of my cheap-ass (pun intended) university housemates, who definitely had more than enough money for toilet paper, would steal the terrible half-ply stuff from the student centre. I was like "you know, we don't have to live like this..." but I guess that was an extra five bucks a month they saved to spend on weed or whatever.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Here's an article from the Wellcome Collection about the history of toilet paper in Britain, and especially the move from hard paper to soft. The photos of toilet paper samples are, sadly, identified only as "toilet paper samples".
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:13 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:13 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
... a Wellcome Collection article that I now see was also linked in that AskMe thread. Oops. Never mind.
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:16 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by ManyLeggedCreature at 8:16 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Some of my cheap-ass (pun intended) university housemates, who definitely had more than enough money for toilet paper, would steal the terrible half-ply stuff from the student centre.
The student recreation centre at my undergrad had the most soft, pillow-like, wipe-your-ass-with-a-cloud toilet paper I've experienced. It was way better than the toilet paper anywhere else on campus (which was fine). This always bothered me because I felt like my tuition and ancillary fees were paying for this ridiculous luxury that we were all just flushing down the toilet!
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:19 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
The student recreation centre at my undergrad had the most soft, pillow-like, wipe-your-ass-with-a-cloud toilet paper I've experienced. It was way better than the toilet paper anywhere else on campus (which was fine). This always bothered me because I felt like my tuition and ancillary fees were paying for this ridiculous luxury that we were all just flushing down the toilet!
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 8:19 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
In The Boy's Crusade Paul Fussell claims that US quartermasters allocated 25 sheets of toilet paper per soldier per day, during the war. In contrast, for British soldiers, their planners only gave 'em three. Discuss.
posted by Rash at 8:28 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Rash at 8:28 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
> This always bothered me because I felt like my tuition and ancillary fees were paying for this ridiculous luxury that we were all just flushing down the toilet!
I took part in a sit-in at my university president's office to protest tuition hikes, and when I used the washroom I was astonished to find that his personal facility had the same awful toilet paper as the student buildings.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:38 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
I took part in a sit-in at my university president's office to protest tuition hikes, and when I used the washroom I was astonished to find that his personal facility had the same awful toilet paper as the student buildings.
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:38 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
“Toilet paper in general is advertised only vaguely. You can never show the location where it's used, which is your ass.”
The whole Charmin bear ad campaign appears to have been built around this premise. I’ll never forget the day I walked past the P&G headquarters (in Cincinnati, Ohio) and found two, two-story tall inflatable bears from the campaign.
Is any family as obsessed with toilet paper as these bears?*
*Excluding pandemics, natch.
posted by MrGuilt at 8:47 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
The whole Charmin bear ad campaign appears to have been built around this premise. I’ll never forget the day I walked past the P&G headquarters (in Cincinnati, Ohio) and found two, two-story tall inflatable bears from the campaign.
Is any family as obsessed with toilet paper as these bears?*
*Excluding pandemics, natch.
posted by MrGuilt at 8:47 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
You can hang your rolls like ornaments and tinsel on a spectacular festive bathroom tree (with air freshener adorning the top)
Well now I totally want to do that.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:50 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Well now I totally want to do that.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:50 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
The whole Charmin bear ad campaign appears to have been built around this premise.
The whole campaign is an extension of the joke, "does a bear shit in the woods?" but over time it went in the direction of a bear cub waving his furry butt at the camera saying, "uh huh my hiney's clean" which is surprisingly literal for a toilet paper ad.
posted by AzraelBrown at 8:54 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
The whole campaign is an extension of the joke, "does a bear shit in the woods?" but over time it went in the direction of a bear cub waving his furry butt at the camera saying, "uh huh my hiney's clean" which is surprisingly literal for a toilet paper ad.
posted by AzraelBrown at 8:54 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
I don't understand WHY there is a controversy.
Here is the original patent for this thing. Over it is.
posted by indianbadger1 at 8:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
Here is the original patent for this thing. Over it is.
posted by indianbadger1 at 8:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
The whole campaign is an extension of the joke, "does a bear shit in the woods?"
I realize this. I think the "my hiney's clean" is what the direct response to "you can never show the location where it's used, which is your ass.”
The whole campaign raises a lot of uncomfortable questions. Like, they find the kid bear's underwear on the floor, with the parents reluctant to touch it. Setting aside "dealing with your kid's underwear" part of being a parent, where do the bears wear underwear?!?
posted by MrGuilt at 8:58 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
I realize this. I think the "my hiney's clean" is what the direct response to "you can never show the location where it's used, which is your ass.”
The whole campaign raises a lot of uncomfortable questions. Like, they find the kid bear's underwear on the floor, with the parents reluctant to touch it. Setting aside "dealing with your kid's underwear" part of being a parent, where do the bears wear underwear?!?
posted by MrGuilt at 8:58 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
Well now I totally want to do that.
I was going to say the proverbial festive bathroom tree. But didn't have time to come up with the proverb involving festive bathroom trees if challenged for one. Something something "You made your festive bathroom tree, now you have to lie in it".....no that's shit and doesn't work at all.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 9:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
I was going to say the proverbial festive bathroom tree. But didn't have time to come up with the proverb involving festive bathroom trees if challenged for one. Something something "You made your festive bathroom tree, now you have to lie in it".....no that's shit and doesn't work at all.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 9:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
I have an instinctive reaction that under is correct, because one of the houses I grew up in had a bathroom where the toilet paper holder was sunk into a niche, and thus if you put the paper on in the under orientation, you got the oddly satisfying feeling of pulling the paper out of a perfectly-built slot (which is the best way I can explain it--the niche wasn't covered or anything). I'm Team Over in our current main bathroom because the holder is at a level where Under means I have to bend my wrist oddly to get at it, but the hall bath is Under because the litterbox is in there and we don't want the cats to get any ideas.
posted by telophase at 9:02 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by telophase at 9:02 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
I was going to say the proverbial festive bathroom tree. But didn't have time to come up with the proverb involving festive bathroom trees if challenged for one. Something something "You made your festive bathroom tree, now you have to lie in it".....no that's shit and doesn't work at all.
Ok, I think coming up with a proverb about a bathroom tree should be our project for the day. I don't know about you guys, but I have stuff to do and without some kind of distraction, I'm going to have to do it.
I'm thinking it should reference pine needles on your ass. Possibly a pine-fresh-smelling ass? maybe this could be a two-sides-of-coin style proverb... "If you want your ass to smell like a pine forest, sometimes you gotta put up with some scratches."
OK, now someone else get an actual mention of the bathroom tree in there, and then make it rhyme.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:06 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Ok, I think coming up with a proverb about a bathroom tree should be our project for the day. I don't know about you guys, but I have stuff to do and without some kind of distraction, I'm going to have to do it.
I'm thinking it should reference pine needles on your ass. Possibly a pine-fresh-smelling ass? maybe this could be a two-sides-of-coin style proverb... "If you want your ass to smell like a pine forest, sometimes you gotta put up with some scratches."
OK, now someone else get an actual mention of the bathroom tree in there, and then make it rhyme.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:06 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
I
Sure, but front or back? Front, obviously, but my point is no matter what you do there are going to be people who get it wrong and insist that they are right.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:11 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Sure, but front or back? Front, obviously, but my point is no matter what you do there are going to be people who get it wrong and insist that they are right.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:11 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm over all the way. It just works better for me. I was recently out of town and came back and obviously someone (roommate/house guest/I don't know) had been using my toilet while I was gone and there was a new roll on there with going under. First thing I did was flip it around. I'm not gonna put up with that in my own bathroom.
posted by downtohisturtles at 9:14 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by downtohisturtles at 9:14 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Can someone post a paper of this "shiny" toilet paper? That sounds horrifying.
It was, indeed horrifying, and using it for its alleged purpose was a horrible experience. So much so that I now believe its actual purpose was to encourage everyone to poop at home, slightly saving on both paper and bathroom clean up costs.
I think eventually we got non-waxy, slightly absorbent paper, and almost immediately pupils used it to make soggy projectiles which they shot from dinner room straws, and threw huge clumps of moistened roll onto the ceiling.
I have a bit more sympathy for people who decided non-absorbent bathroom tissue was acceptable, looking back.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:24 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
It was, indeed horrifying, and using it for its alleged purpose was a horrible experience. So much so that I now believe its actual purpose was to encourage everyone to poop at home, slightly saving on both paper and bathroom clean up costs.
I think eventually we got non-waxy, slightly absorbent paper, and almost immediately pupils used it to make soggy projectiles which they shot from dinner room straws, and threw huge clumps of moistened roll onto the ceiling.
I have a bit more sympathy for people who decided non-absorbent bathroom tissue was acceptable, looking back.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:24 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Clearly the answer is to mount the dispenser on a six-axis robotic arm, with voice controls to allow the roll to be placed in any orientation desired.
posted by jedicus at 9:25 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by jedicus at 9:25 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
Maybe a fun experiment would be to have two holders, one over, one under? See which gets used more.
posted by Caxton1476 at 9:29 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Caxton1476 at 9:29 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Clearly the answer is a self-perpetuating Moebius strip dispenser. Which would solve the issue, while admittedly overcomplicating the, ahem, tissue.
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 9:30 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 9:30 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
The TP in my elementary school was brown and rough on both sides, it came out in sheets, though.
As for over and under, I think it depends on the shape of your bathroom, but I really don't care that much. With a vertical roller, does anyone argue about whether it come out on the right or left side?
I have a strong preference for two-ply over single ply, on the other hand.
posted by Bee'sWing at 9:39 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
As for over and under, I think it depends on the shape of your bathroom, but I really don't care that much. With a vertical roller, does anyone argue about whether it come out on the right or left side?
I have a strong preference for two-ply over single ply, on the other hand.
posted by Bee'sWing at 9:39 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Research question: Is there a correlation between over/under and standing/sitting? That's the next frontier to be explored in the poo-quest.
For the record: Over/Standing
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:43 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
For the record: Over/Standing
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:43 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
You who claim to stand while pooping -- I say you're just squatting. Or straddling. If you were actually standing up, legs together? You'd wind up with poop on your legs. And elsewhere. Gross!
posted by Rash at 9:50 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Rash at 9:50 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
The toilet paper at my house sits vertically oriented (central cardboard tube is vertical) on top of the horizontal spinny bar. To use it, I pick it up with my hand and unwind how much paper I would like and then tear off the paper and put the roll back on top of the horizontal spinny bar. So, for all you under or over people, there is another way. (Because my cat will destroy it if it's fun, is why. Because I hate the spring-loaded spinny bar. Because I am lazy. Because I live alone and this heresy is mine.)
posted by which_chick at 9:52 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by which_chick at 9:52 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Because I hate the spring-loaded spinny bar.
You don't need a spring-loaded thing. I have one that flips up. Way better. Like this.
(and yes, I'm commenting way too much on this thread...see "stuff to do" above).
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
You don't need a spring-loaded thing. I have one that flips up. Way better. Like this.
(and yes, I'm commenting way too much on this thread...see "stuff to do" above).
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 9:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
Here is the original patent for this thing. Over it is.
Unless that is the view from the wall side... carry on.
posted by piyushnz at 10:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Unless that is the view from the wall side... carry on.
posted by piyushnz at 10:00 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
if you have cats or toddlers I will give a pass for under: otherwise you are a complete barbarian.
not going to talk about the standing thing. and the shiny thing? lalala I can't hear you!
posted by supermedusa at 10:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
not going to talk about the standing thing. and the shiny thing? lalala I can't hear you!
posted by supermedusa at 10:12 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
claim to stand while pooping
Uh, no, while wiping...
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:13 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Uh, no, while wiping...
posted by Saxon Kane at 10:13 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Pull from inside the roll first. Discuss.
posted by biogeo at 10:18 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by biogeo at 10:18 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
The TP in my elementary school was brown and rough on both sides, it came out in sheets, though
I'm pretty sure that was sandpaper.
posted by biogeo at 10:19 AM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
This is discussed in a Medium article which provides more about the psychological determinants.
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:23 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by dances_with_sneetches at 10:23 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
It's a big wide world out there, isn't it?
(And a fairly disgusting one at that.)
posted by maxwelton at 10:28 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
(And a fairly disgusting one at that.)
posted by maxwelton at 10:28 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
For Mefi previouslies, and other important debates about people doing things incorrectly, see MefiWiki’s YouWHAT.
Otherwise known as "THE BOOK OF CONFLICTS".
I do it over; I just think you have a better sense of how much you're grabbing that way. Although I would not give a flip if I walked into a bathroom and someone had hung it under; there are way more important things to get fussed about.
"Over" feels more appropriate though.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:56 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Otherwise known as "THE BOOK OF CONFLICTS".
I do it over; I just think you have a better sense of how much you're grabbing that way. Although I would not give a flip if I walked into a bathroom and someone had hung it under; there are way more important things to get fussed about.
"Over" feels more appropriate though.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:56 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm reading this in the place I typically scroll through MeFi. I'd just brought a fresh roll in with me to replace the nearly-empty one, and I'm suddenly immobilized with indecision.
posted by heyitsgogi at 10:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [14 favorites]
posted by heyitsgogi at 10:59 AM on July 14, 2021 [14 favorites]
When i became a member of an xtian fundamentalist sect, a lifetime ago, i was told that every decision now had to be governed by "what would Jesus do".
Also, it was explained the only right and i suppose godly was "over"... So i guess Jesus was an over guy.
Also, the xtian fundies had only the cheapest paper, of course.
Now, as an unbeliever and apostate, i don't use a roll holder thingy, i prefer to have a Stack on the conveniently placed radiator, together with what here in Austria we call Klobuch: a book only read on the loo: Eg. A schmaltzy romance or similar embarassing book.
posted by 15L06 at 11:01 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
Also, it was explained the only right and i suppose godly was "over"... So i guess Jesus was an over guy.
Also, the xtian fundies had only the cheapest paper, of course.
Now, as an unbeliever and apostate, i don't use a roll holder thingy, i prefer to have a Stack on the conveniently placed radiator, together with what here in Austria we call Klobuch: a book only read on the loo: Eg. A schmaltzy romance or similar embarassing book.
posted by 15L06 at 11:01 AM on July 14, 2021 [5 favorites]
Oh here we go again... Everyone forgetting that over half the population uses toilet paper for more than just their ass, men bleating about how women use so much, get a bidet, blah blah blah. Even just the title of that Vice article mentioned above is ignoring what a large percentage of people use paper for.
During the Great Shortage of 2020, I wanted to punch every person in the throat who said to get a bidet, like we all have circumstances that would allow that. Lucky for them they were online or on a computer screen.
Fortunately, I've never once had a cat who went after the roll, so I've never had to care about the direction. But I'm boggled by the article on people stealing rolls from hotels--even the luxury hotels I have often stayed at have cheap, thin, totally non-absorbent toilet paper. It's not as quite bad as the shiny sheets, but it's not something you expect to find in a five-star hotel, either. As someone who takes a medication with a diuretic side-effect, I find this totally unacceptable, since I have to pee way more than the average person, but it's a very hard thing to complain about when you're asked about your stay.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 11:20 AM on July 14, 2021 [10 favorites]
During the Great Shortage of 2020, I wanted to punch every person in the throat who said to get a bidet, like we all have circumstances that would allow that. Lucky for them they were online or on a computer screen.
Fortunately, I've never once had a cat who went after the roll, so I've never had to care about the direction. But I'm boggled by the article on people stealing rolls from hotels--even the luxury hotels I have often stayed at have cheap, thin, totally non-absorbent toilet paper. It's not as quite bad as the shiny sheets, but it's not something you expect to find in a five-star hotel, either. As someone who takes a medication with a diuretic side-effect, I find this totally unacceptable, since I have to pee way more than the average person, but it's a very hard thing to complain about when you're asked about your stay.
posted by kitten kaboodle at 11:20 AM on July 14, 2021 [10 favorites]
Charmin
What I want to know is, when are the people over at r/WallStreetBets going to run up the price of Procter & Gamble stock, because that would make me laugh
posted by aws17576 at 11:29 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
What I want to know is, when are the people over at r/WallStreetBets going to run up the price of Procter & Gamble stock, because that would make me laugh
posted by aws17576 at 11:29 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
"uh huh my hiney's clean" which is surprisingly literal for a toilet paper ad.
Yeah, Charmin is surprisingly explicit about their purpose. Most personal hygiene products (toilet paper, pads both menstrual and incontinence, tampons) are pretty cagey in their ads, touting qualities such as softness, absorbance, durability, and for the ones which are worn rather than used for cleaning, comfort. A lot of them involve happy people not conspicuously engaging in bodily fluid management. The truly daring ones involve their product interacting with a mysterious blue liquid. In that sort of advertising atmosphere, Charmin's typical plotline of "I rubbed my butt with this and I am happier than I would be otherwise" is a breath of fresh air.
posted by jackbishop at 11:30 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Yeah, Charmin is surprisingly explicit about their purpose. Most personal hygiene products (toilet paper, pads both menstrual and incontinence, tampons) are pretty cagey in their ads, touting qualities such as softness, absorbance, durability, and for the ones which are worn rather than used for cleaning, comfort. A lot of them involve happy people not conspicuously engaging in bodily fluid management. The truly daring ones involve their product interacting with a mysterious blue liquid. In that sort of advertising atmosphere, Charmin's typical plotline of "I rubbed my butt with this and I am happier than I would be otherwise" is a breath of fresh air.
posted by jackbishop at 11:30 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
I'd just brought a fresh roll in with me to replace the nearly-empty one, and I'm suddenly immobilized with indecision.
Known officially as IBS - Immobilized Bath-tissue Situation.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:33 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Known officially as IBS - Immobilized Bath-tissue Situation.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:33 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
That's changing, jackbishop. Check this Always commercial, which I found charmingly relatable - What the Gush? Does feature blue liquid but still more honest than most.
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:33 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by tiny frying pan at 11:33 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
"I rubbed my butt with this and I am happier than I would be otherwise" is a breath of fresh air.
so to speak...
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:35 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
so to speak...
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:35 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
If a festive bathroom tree falls in the forest, does it make a sound?
no, the paper cushions the fall
posted by InfidelZombie at 11:37 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
no, the paper cushions the fall
posted by InfidelZombie at 11:37 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
I like my tp mounted on something that doesn't allow it to spin so I can more easily tear chunks off of it.
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:43 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Joey Michaels at 11:43 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
I do not. Understand. Why. People care about this.
Because like professional sports and prestige tv shows, it gives people something that they can be passionate about and argue over that makes no difference.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:46 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Because like professional sports and prestige tv shows, it gives people something that they can be passionate about and argue over that makes no difference.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 11:46 AM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
But it does make a difference. You can scrap your fingers and soil the wall while pushing an Under roll to get some TP. And thanks for the link to the Medium article, dances_with_sneetches -- according to my reading of it, the more educated and affluent choice is Over (which is consistent with my own observation).
posted by Rash at 11:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Rash at 11:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
My school loo paper was shiny but also had printed on each sheet HAMPSHIRE COUNTY COUNCIL and NOW PLEASE WASH YOUR HANDS.
More recently, as a school governor I discovered that the staff loos had normal loo paper whilst the children's loos had horrible stuff. I did try to address this during my tenure, but failed.
posted by paduasoy at 11:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
More recently, as a school governor I discovered that the staff loos had normal loo paper whilst the children's loos had horrible stuff. I did try to address this during my tenure, but failed.
posted by paduasoy at 11:55 AM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
Yeah, Charmin is surprisingly explicit about their purpose
The Charmin bears are one of the vanishingly few advertising campaigns I'd like to hear the history of from the people involved, mostly to confirm my theory that at one point there was a big white board with a bunch of rejected slogans with "SHOULD YOU CHOOSE CHARMIN? DOES A BEAR SHIT IN THE WOODS?" chief among them, which eventually got repurposed as a visual euphemism.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:03 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
The Charmin bears are one of the vanishingly few advertising campaigns I'd like to hear the history of from the people involved, mostly to confirm my theory that at one point there was a big white board with a bunch of rejected slogans with "SHOULD YOU CHOOSE CHARMIN? DOES A BEAR SHIT IN THE WOODS?" chief among them, which eventually got repurposed as a visual euphemism.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 12:03 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
If your work has metal box toilet paper holders like this, and the toilet paper is installed 'under', then when you unroll it, the paper unrolls into the box, unavailable to you. That doesn't stop our janitors from always installing the toilet paper 'under', making a simple procedure of getting some pieces of toilet paper more difficult than it needs to be.
I've also had a cat who would always completely unroll any toilet roll installed 'over', so this is certainly an exception.
posted by eye of newt at 12:07 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
I've also had a cat who would always completely unroll any toilet roll installed 'over', so this is certainly an exception.
posted by eye of newt at 12:07 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Thank you, this was definitely what I needed to read at 5am having been woken with cramps and gas. If only reading it in the appropriate location had inspired action, maybe I could salvage some sleep!
Anyway, like all right-minded people, I am team over. Agreed that exceptions can be made for toddlers and cats (though my cats have, mercifully, never shown any interest in toilet paper). As has previously been mentioned, if you have messy hands, finding the elusive end of an under roll can be tough and lead to further mess distribution. Any arrangement involving having to hold the roll does the same. For those of you wondering how often one needs to use toilet paper with messy hands, for quite a lot of us it is for several days every month or so.
posted by Athanassiel at 12:15 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Anyway, like all right-minded people, I am team over. Agreed that exceptions can be made for toddlers and cats (though my cats have, mercifully, never shown any interest in toilet paper). As has previously been mentioned, if you have messy hands, finding the elusive end of an under roll can be tough and lead to further mess distribution. Any arrangement involving having to hold the roll does the same. For those of you wondering how often one needs to use toilet paper with messy hands, for quite a lot of us it is for several days every month or so.
posted by Athanassiel at 12:15 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Because like professional sports and prestige tv shows, it gives people something that they can be passionate about and argue over that makes no difference.
No. You misunderstand me. I do not ever notice which way the paper is situated when I sit down. I do not, for one second, think about how I leave the roll when I leave. It simply does not register at all with me. Which is why I find the passion some people have for this to be baffling.
posted by tiny frying pan at 12:29 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
No. You misunderstand me. I do not ever notice which way the paper is situated when I sit down. I do not, for one second, think about how I leave the roll when I leave. It simply does not register at all with me. Which is why I find the passion some people have for this to be baffling.
posted by tiny frying pan at 12:29 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Re: Festive Bathroom tree proverbs.
On a quick google search there are proverbs that probably work already. I'm a fan of "Where is there a (festive bathroom) tree not shaken by the wind?" I can attest it applies to my bathroom.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 12:48 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
On a quick google search there are proverbs that probably work already. I'm a fan of "Where is there a (festive bathroom) tree not shaken by the wind?" I can attest it applies to my bathroom.
posted by inflatablekiwi at 12:48 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
is it Butt Stuff Week on the blue?
I read recently that pen-goo-ins (which are prack-tick-uhly chickens) have the fastest or at least most projectile dookies known to science.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:04 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
I read recently that pen-goo-ins (which are prack-tick-uhly chickens) have the fastest or at least most projectile dookies known to science.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 1:04 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
i fixed the cat complication with a holder with a flap, like so. they were very confused for a couple of weeks, and then they just forgot unrolling it had ever been a thing.
posted by Clowder of bats at 1:10 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Clowder of bats at 1:10 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Just so, Clowder. It's my experience that European TP dispensers always have this flap, for ease of tearing off, when the roll is properly installed.
posted by Rash at 1:13 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Rash at 1:13 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
7 years of living alone and I can’t change the roll without an old ex harping in my mind. Also when peeling avocados - supposedly you ALWAYS start from the small end.
posted by bonobothegreat at 1:51 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by bonobothegreat at 1:51 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm an over, but I think there's a better case to be made for under.
Because when it's over, you put your fingers between the roll and the sheets you're tearing off, and end up wiping your ass with the surface that has not only scraped along the wall, but has been exposed to all the aerosols a bathroom is heir to; whereas with under it's the reverse and you get the pristine side of the sheet which has only kissed other paper.
posted by jamjam at 1:54 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
Because when it's over, you put your fingers between the roll and the sheets you're tearing off, and end up wiping your ass with the surface that has not only scraped along the wall, but has been exposed to all the aerosols a bathroom is heir to; whereas with under it's the reverse and you get the pristine side of the sheet which has only kissed other paper.
posted by jamjam at 1:54 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
We once stayed in a 5 star hotel in Portugal and the thing that I was most looking forward to about the holiday was that the photos on TripAdvisor showed them to have *black* toilet paper in the en suite bathrooms. Reader, I was gutted when we arrived and the paper was not black but ordinary coloured luxury paper. Since I am British this was clearly not something I could raise as an issue with the hotel. Happily on our second day my SO was able to steal two rolls from the trolley in the corridor. One is still in pride of place on my bookshelf.
On a separate note, at my school if we wanted toilet paper (in the boy's toilet anyway) we had to go the deputy head's office and ask, since any TP left in the cubicles was always going to be shoved down the loo in one go by one of the little arseholes. Naturally the deputy head was a fucking weirdo* that no one wanted to go near, so another reason not to take a shit at school.
*Weird in a.common and garden sense but also he had a name for his cane (not for walking). I know what you're thinking, 'Lots of people name their canes'.
posted by biffa at 3:08 PM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
On a separate note, at my school if we wanted toilet paper (in the boy's toilet anyway) we had to go the deputy head's office and ask, since any TP left in the cubicles was always going to be shoved down the loo in one go by one of the little arseholes. Naturally the deputy head was a fucking weirdo* that no one wanted to go near, so another reason not to take a shit at school.
*Weird in a.common and garden sense but also he had a name for his cane (not for walking). I know what you're thinking, 'Lots of people name their canes'.
posted by biffa at 3:08 PM on July 14, 2021 [4 favorites]
Ol' Swatty? Stabula? Whompsbuttocks? Glamdring?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:21 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:21 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Sugar? Nova? Mutiny?
posted by jamjam at 3:52 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by jamjam at 3:52 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Also when peeling avocados - supposedly you ALWAYS start from the small end.
YOU PEOPLE PEEL AVOCADOS?
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:57 PM on July 14, 2021 [11 favorites]
YOU PEOPLE PEEL AVOCADOS?
posted by turbid dahlia at 3:57 PM on July 14, 2021 [11 favorites]
with under it's the reverse and you get the pristine side of the sheet
On this point ONLY, I concede - Under wins.
posted by Rash at 4:03 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
On this point ONLY, I concede - Under wins.
posted by Rash at 4:03 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
In contrast, for British soldiers, their planners only gave 'em three. Discuss.
posted by Rash at 11:28 AM on July 14
Eponyhorrible
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:06 PM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by Rash at 11:28 AM on July 14
Eponyhorrible
posted by GenjiandProust at 4:06 PM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
At work, we have double-barrelled dispensers like this with a sliding mechanism on the bottom that allows you to switch to the second roll if the first roll ends. The paper within is super thin - you would need like 8 feet of it to fold up and be safe. One day, someone realized that with a little effort you could thread the second roll through the first roll's slot and have somewhat less shitty two-ply paper.
We've been working this hack ever since.
posted by shoesfullofdust at 4:11 PM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
We've been working this hack ever since.
posted by shoesfullofdust at 4:11 PM on July 14, 2021 [6 favorites]
Ol' Swatty? Stabula? Whompsbuttocks? Glamdring?
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:21 PM
Great, now I'm wondering if Culture ships and their Minds have to go to the bathroom and what that might involve or look like. And if they wipe or bidet or what.
I'm guessing every so often they buzz a habitable planet and evacuate a couple of decks that have grown too weird and decedent to sustain or tolerate.
I'm imagining that the ship just swoops through the atmosphere at a polite and inoffensive altitude where they open a few gigantic cargo doors and there's a gentle whoosh as the ship excretes and ejects several cubic kilometers of a glittering rainbow cloud composed of a given number of tons of high tech drug paraphernalia and/or utterly frightening smart weapons along with some tens of thousands of heavily augmented or genetically modified transhumanist weirdoes who may or may not currently have wings, and perhaps they have been cosplaying Dragonriders or Gor for a few too many centuries to be tasteful and the ship leaves them to their own devices or to get their shit together and reflect on their core values before the next amenable Culture ship swings through the neighborhood to pick them up.
Come to think of it that might explain a few things about our planet.
posted by loquacious at 4:20 PM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 3:21 PM
Great, now I'm wondering if Culture ships and their Minds have to go to the bathroom and what that might involve or look like. And if they wipe or bidet or what.
I'm guessing every so often they buzz a habitable planet and evacuate a couple of decks that have grown too weird and decedent to sustain or tolerate.
I'm imagining that the ship just swoops through the atmosphere at a polite and inoffensive altitude where they open a few gigantic cargo doors and there's a gentle whoosh as the ship excretes and ejects several cubic kilometers of a glittering rainbow cloud composed of a given number of tons of high tech drug paraphernalia and/or utterly frightening smart weapons along with some tens of thousands of heavily augmented or genetically modified transhumanist weirdoes who may or may not currently have wings, and perhaps they have been cosplaying Dragonriders or Gor for a few too many centuries to be tasteful and the ship leaves them to their own devices or to get their shit together and reflect on their core values before the next amenable Culture ship swings through the neighborhood to pick them up.
Come to think of it that might explain a few things about our planet.
posted by loquacious at 4:20 PM on July 14, 2021 [7 favorites]
Just put the rolls on top of the toilet tank
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 5:13 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Ray Walston, Luck Dragon at 5:13 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
What drives me nuts is that home use toilet paper rolls have been shrunk so much that they are noticeably narrower than the dispenser. Soon they will just be a ribbon.
posted by obliquity of the ecliptic at 6:00 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by obliquity of the ecliptic at 6:00 PM on July 14, 2021 [1 favorite]
Is it possible that this is strongly correlated with (yet another weirdly contentious bathroom debate!) whether you spend more time grabbing for toilet paper while sitting or standing? It seems to me that "under" is more ergonomic while sitting, and "over" more ergonomic from a standing position.
posted by dusty potato at 6:37 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by dusty potato at 6:37 PM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]
What drives me nuts is that home use toilet paper rolls have been shrunk so much that they are noticeably narrower than the dispenser.
One of my pet peeves as well. I discovered that Costco brand toilet paper is still full width. It s worth putting up with the hell of a Costco trip just to get the stuff.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:59 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
One of my pet peeves as well. I discovered that Costco brand toilet paper is still full width. It s worth putting up with the hell of a Costco trip just to get the stuff.
posted by fimbulvetr at 8:59 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
Is it possible that this is strongly correlated with (yet another weirdly contentious bathroom debate!) whether you spend more time grabbing for toilet paper while sitting or standing?
STANDING?
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:59 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
STANDING?
posted by turbid dahlia at 9:59 PM on July 14, 2021 [3 favorites]
In contrast, for British soldiers, their planners only gave 'em three. Discuss.
'One up, one down, one to polish' is the traditional approach I understand.
posted by biffa at 12:31 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
'One up, one down, one to polish' is the traditional approach I understand.
posted by biffa at 12:31 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
Just say yes to bangs and no to mullets.
posted by straight at 2:23 AM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by straight at 2:23 AM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
I can't believe no one has mentioned the Simpsons take on this. In S07E03 when child welfare shows up and finds the home unacceptable, in part due to "toilet paper hung in improper overhand fashion". Also Maggie was drinking from the dog's bowl, but I think it was the toilet paper that they really took issue with.
posted by tiamat at 7:58 AM on July 15, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by tiamat at 7:58 AM on July 15, 2021 [7 favorites]
Stop wiping your butt with your hands and dry paper. There is a better way.
posted by GoblinHoney at 8:12 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by GoblinHoney at 8:12 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
STANDING?
Yes, turbid dahlia, some claim to do (at least some part of) their #2 business while standing up. Previously
posted by Rash at 8:35 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
Yes, turbid dahlia, some claim to do (at least some part of) their #2 business while standing up. Previously
posted by Rash at 8:35 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
We keep ours on the back of the toilet seat.
I never have, never I say, stolen toilet paper from a motel or service station. My god, who would do such a thing?
posted by mule98J at 8:41 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
I never have, never I say, stolen toilet paper from a motel or service station. My god, who would do such a thing?
posted by mule98J at 8:41 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
STANDING WHILE WIPING NOT WHILE SHITTING
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:13 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Saxon Kane at 9:13 AM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
GoblinHoney: Stop wiping your butt with your hands and dry paper. There is a better way.
Stop telling me how to wipe my butt.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:33 AM on July 15, 2021 [4 favorites]
Stop telling me how to wipe my butt.
posted by Too-Ticky at 9:33 AM on July 15, 2021 [4 favorites]
I'm never gonna wipe my butt
Dirty cheeks ain't got no hygiene
It's not easy to pretend
They know I've got some stool
(Song: Careless Wiper)
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:50 AM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
Dirty cheeks ain't got no hygiene
It's not easy to pretend
They know I've got some stool
(Song: Careless Wiper)
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:50 AM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
What drives me nuts is that home use toilet paper rolls have been shrunk so much that they are noticeably narrower than the dispenser. Soon they will just be a ribbon.
Late stage capitalism: The toilet paper keeps getting smaller, the assholes keep getting bigger.
posted by condour75 at 12:14 PM on July 15, 2021 [7 favorites]
Late stage capitalism: The toilet paper keeps getting smaller, the assholes keep getting bigger.
posted by condour75 at 12:14 PM on July 15, 2021 [7 favorites]
Two things about this thread jump out at me. It has more comments than any thread since July 11, and despite that no one has brought the truly contentious issue, which involves the toilet seat.
posted by TedW at 2:36 PM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by TedW at 2:36 PM on July 15, 2021 [1 favorite]
Two things about this thread jump out at me. It has more comments than any thread since July 11
Not everybody needs to listen to Prince, worry about hyperemesis or watch England play football, but, to paraphrase Cher, sooner or later, we all need a shit.
posted by biffa at 2:46 PM on July 15, 2021 [3 favorites]
Not everybody needs to listen to Prince, worry about hyperemesis or watch England play football, but, to paraphrase Cher, sooner or later, we all need a shit.
posted by biffa at 2:46 PM on July 15, 2021 [3 favorites]
obliquity of the ecliptic: What drives me nuts is that home use toilet paper rolls have been shrunk so much that they are noticeably narrower than the dispenser.
And yet, here I am, having trouble finding rolls that aren't too fat to fit in our vintage dispenser. Apparently they are getting narrower (in some places), and also thicker.
Toilet paper, like pretty much everything else, is a land of contrasts.
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:33 PM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
And yet, here I am, having trouble finding rolls that aren't too fat to fit in our vintage dispenser. Apparently they are getting narrower (in some places), and also thicker.
Toilet paper, like pretty much everything else, is a land of contrasts.
posted by Too-Ticky at 3:33 PM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
7 years of living alone and I can’t change the roll without an old ex harping in my mind. Also when peeling avocados - supposedly you ALWAYS start from the small end.
posted by bonobothegreat
That must suck. I'm sorry.
My unsolicited way of peeling avocado. Place avocado half face down. Face up might work as well, but seems more unstable. Take your knife and cut directly in the center of the avocado. Make a cut to the end of the avocado of whichever way the blade is facing. Flip the knife and repeat to the other side. Halfway between your initial cut and the cutting board, repeat this process, taking care to do your best to make your new cut end where your initial cut is. Repeat on other side. You should now have four quarters ending in points which should peel remarkably easy.
We are team over. Our last anniversary trip, we stayed in a very small B&B. (Think glorified shed, which is all we wanted and it was perfect.) Bringing stuff in from the car, I noticed the roll was under. Spouse used the restroom while I finished unloading. When done, I noticed they had already changed the roll to over. We did, indeed, have a talk about how it would have irked us each time we used the bathroom.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 3:56 PM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by bonobothegreat
That must suck. I'm sorry.
My unsolicited way of peeling avocado. Place avocado half face down. Face up might work as well, but seems more unstable. Take your knife and cut directly in the center of the avocado. Make a cut to the end of the avocado of whichever way the blade is facing. Flip the knife and repeat to the other side. Halfway between your initial cut and the cutting board, repeat this process, taking care to do your best to make your new cut end where your initial cut is. Repeat on other side. You should now have four quarters ending in points which should peel remarkably easy.
We are team over. Our last anniversary trip, we stayed in a very small B&B. (Think glorified shed, which is all we wanted and it was perfect.) Bringing stuff in from the car, I noticed the roll was under. Spouse used the restroom while I finished unloading. When done, I noticed they had already changed the roll to over. We did, indeed, have a talk about how it would have irked us each time we used the bathroom.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 3:56 PM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
Yes, turbid dahlia, some claim to do (at least some part of) their #2 business while standing up.
And here I thought I'd seen some shit in my time.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:54 PM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
And here I thought I'd seen some shit in my time.
posted by turbid dahlia at 5:54 PM on July 15, 2021 [2 favorites]
The title was enough to tell me you were back, Wordshore. Thanks for the FPP.
posted by Bella Donna at 10:21 AM on July 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Bella Donna at 10:21 AM on July 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
@DidsburyGirl: I got a 4ft tall Jon Bon Jovi poster and put it on the outside of my bedroom door, which faced the toilet. After a few months my Dad asked me to take it down because it unnerved him when he was having a poo (with the door open). I didn’t, obviously.
posted by Wordshore at 10:47 AM on July 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 10:47 AM on July 16, 2021 [3 favorites]
Team under because, when you have a distinctive calling card, no one can accuse you of not changing the roll.
posted by cardboard at 12:37 PM on July 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by cardboard at 12:37 PM on July 16, 2021 [1 favorite]
@fesshole: My partner never changes the toilet roll on the holder, but is annoyed enough by the roll being on backwards that they'll take it off and change it. So I put it on backwards every time.
posted by Wordshore at 3:53 AM on July 17, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by Wordshore at 3:53 AM on July 17, 2021 [6 favorites]
Ok I can't help it. I, too, was once an avocado peeler until I learnt the more effective way.
1. Cut your avocado in half longitudinally. It is apparently better to rotate the avocado round the knife than the knife round the avocado, but whatever works for you.
2. Separate the halves and remove the pit by carefully and gently whacking the blade of your knife into it, then turning it 90 degrees.
3. With the tip of the knife, cut the flesh of the avocado lengthways into slices or both length and width for a kind of dice. Or I guess width if you really want that kind of slice.
4. Take a spoon - regular spoon that you would eat cereal with, nothing fancy - and scoop out the avocado from one end to the other. You have neat slices or chunks, no peeling required.
Various methods, with the chef demonstrating what I've described at the end.
posted by Athanassiel at 2:47 PM on July 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
1. Cut your avocado in half longitudinally. It is apparently better to rotate the avocado round the knife than the knife round the avocado, but whatever works for you.
2. Separate the halves and remove the pit by carefully and gently whacking the blade of your knife into it, then turning it 90 degrees.
3. With the tip of the knife, cut the flesh of the avocado lengthways into slices or both length and width for a kind of dice. Or I guess width if you really want that kind of slice.
4. Take a spoon - regular spoon that you would eat cereal with, nothing fancy - and scoop out the avocado from one end to the other. You have neat slices or chunks, no peeling required.
Various methods, with the chef demonstrating what I've described at the end.
posted by Athanassiel at 2:47 PM on July 17, 2021 [2 favorites]
because it unnerved him when he was having a poo (with the door open)
This explains so much about your posts on the blue, Wordshore. (cannot link because I’m on my phone, but Wordshore is the poet of poo posting.) Your dad’s oddness (brilliant response!) and your shitty school experiences (1 or 2 sheets of potentially dangerous toilet paper) is horrifying. I wonder if a significant number of your classmates have chronic constipation from childhood trauma. Yikes.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:23 PM on July 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
This explains so much about your posts on the blue, Wordshore. (cannot link because I’m on my phone, but Wordshore is the poet of poo posting.) Your dad’s oddness (brilliant response!) and your shitty school experiences (1 or 2 sheets of potentially dangerous toilet paper) is horrifying. I wonder if a significant number of your classmates have chronic constipation from childhood trauma. Yikes.
posted by Bella Donna at 2:23 PM on July 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
After a few months my Dad asked me to take it down because it unnerved him when he was having a poo (with the door open). I didn’t, obviously.
Classic Wordshore!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:49 PM on July 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
Classic Wordshore!
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:49 PM on July 18, 2021 [1 favorite]
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(Under, obvs).
posted by bouvin at 5:26 AM on July 14, 2021 [2 favorites]