Wife no longer with me, still wants me to help her with US papers
July 29, 2021 8:53 AM   Subscribe

My wife no longer wants to be with me, is seeing someone else, and still wants me to follow through with helping her get her US papers before divorcing. Hello all, So I am a 36M who got married almost 2 years ago to a 30F. My wife is originally from outside of the US and so we got married in NYC and moved in together in FL. She had a lot of emotional issues which led to verbal fights almost daily. Almost a year in, she one day goes through my phone and finds a text I sent to an old flame. It was just a friendly text and nothing else, I never lay a finger on any woman nor flirted with any woman since we were together. In my opinion, she used that as a ticket to end the relationship because 'it was my fault.'

I took care of everything for her, paid the bills, the rent, the food, the money to get her papers started to become a US citizen, her health insurance, her phone bill, everything. After trying everything to plead for forgiveness and still continue to help her financially and try to win her back, the fights still kept happening. We settled on the split to work on ourselves for a year and see where things go. I agreed that I would help with the papers still without giving it much thought like an idiot.

We get a call to do the interview and we go through the process with no problems. She gets the approval. With that she leaves back to her home country to stay for 6 months before coming back to the States. A month later I find out that she is with someone and didn't want to tell me. Of course I get really upset depressed but keep it to myself. Almost every week she still calls me to ask me how I'm doing and she's mad at me still of what I did and that she's going through a lot.

3 months in after a call, I finally snap after she asks me if I'm seeing anyone - I then let her know that I've known she's been with someone this whole time and that I do not understand why she would want to ask me that. Her attitude completely changes as though she's a completely different person and asks how we are going to handle her papers.

At this stage, I'm so upset, and hurt that the only thing she cares about is her own well-being and these papers, that in her mind - she deserves it because after all, I cheated on her with that random text message to that girl. I really worry about my future and what she is capable of doing. As I'm typing this she is ordering me to see her and take pictures as a couple because its what her immigration lawyer is requesting that she does to get her papers. I am being told that I will have to keep paying bills, keep seeing her, keep acting like a real couple until 2023, which until then is when she will honor the divorce...though I have no idea if she will try to take more with her or not.

I've told her that I don't trust her but her only response has been that she would never hurt me, she just wants to finish the papers. I'm really lost here, I don't know what to do - I've spoken to different lawyers telling me different things. I see my options as being the following:

1) Don't do anything and serve her papers with a divorce lawyer - this could potentially lead to a huge legal battle.

2) Do as she wants with the hopes that she will let me off easy (I would still have to deal with the mental pain of seeing her and the financial burden of paying her bills (they amount to $4,000 in total)

3) Same as number 2 but serve her a postnup to sign to protect me when we do infact divorce.

I do not own a house, we do not have any kids, and I also don't have much money after I pay my bills. I do own a lot of shares in a company (still has not been actually approved), but those shares would become non-transferable in the case of a divorce to protect them from leaving the company. The only real cash I've got is 6k in my IRA.
So sorry for the long text here, this is my first time going through this. I feel like maybe someone on here could offer some good advice. I'm thinking of possibly going with option 3 - sure its going to hurt and financially be a pain, but its still better than the alternative which is a big legal battle and lots more to pay.
posted by red47Apple (0 comments total)

This post was deleted for the following reason: This is in the wrong place if you meant to post it to AskMetafilter, but also cross-posting to reddit isn't ok -- LobsterMitten



 

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