“This is their best? Oh.”

August 15, 2021 3:20 AM

Guardian: (on the £38/$53 McCarthy salad) “There are separate sections for chopped beetroot, skinned tomato, bacon minced to a paste, chicken breast with the texture of value-range cotton wool, cubes of sweaty, squeaky cheese, shredded egg and, on top, an avocado that’s been halfway through an egg slicer. Underneath is shredded romaine, including the gnarly hard bit at the centre. That displays serious commitment to gross profit, in all senses.” In which Jay Rayner's commitment to positive restaurant reviews during the pandemic comes to an abrupt end. (Current exchange rate: £1 UK = $1.39 US; previous by JR)

Also recently by Jay: Why are restaurants’ cheapest bottles of wine becoming so expensive?

...and some recent and positive reviews of cheaper places to dine:

* Burnt Orange, Brighton.
* The Bradley Hare, Wiltshire.
* Sonny Stores, Bristol.
* The Double Red Duke, Oxfordshire.
* Pho Cue, Manchester.

posted by Wordshore (53 comments total)

I am tempted by Sonny Stores in Bristol. I stood outside it recently but it was very busy (possibly because of the review) and my reluctance to spend indoor time with lots of people won out. It did look good; unpretentious, relaxed diners. If or when it becomes quieter this winter (and preferably after a booster jab) I may well give it a go.
posted by Wordshore at 3:47 AM on August 15, 2021 [3 favorites]

Wow. "The menu tells me they are delighted to bring “a taste of Tinseltown” to London complete with “pink bougainvillaea”. And there it is, climbing the wall behind me. I touch it. The bougainvillaea is plastic. So are the tables, the place mats and various of my fellow diners’ body parts. There’s anatomy on display tonight that hasn’t moved since 2010."

And that's before a single word about the FOOD.

A £38 bowl of rigatoni bolognese has a grimly sweet and cloying sauce that tastes mostly of tomato ketchup and profit. It’s the dish an oligarch, who only sees his kids every other weekend, chooses for them. According to the menu these dishes are meant for sharing. I apologise to my companion for doing so. They will also be delivered “as they are prepared to ensure you receive them at their best”. This is their best? Oh.

Let's hope the servers are at least getting tipped well.
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 3:49 AM on August 15, 2021 [7 favorites]

I was pleased to see he did a positive review of The Madeira a few months ago - I've been to the restaurant bit a few times, but mostly for lunch, when I'm working in an office around the corner. As it's over the road from MI6, my wife sometimes meets up there to eat custard tarts with her fellow Japanese Skyfall/MI6 stans. I bet you didn't even know that was a thing.

(Interestingly, his current policy seems to be the same as good satire: "To comfort the afflicted and afflict the comfortable".)
posted by Grangousier at 3:52 AM on August 15, 2021 [10 favorites]

Oh, and I think it's further proof that some people have far too much money, for their own good, even. It must be debasing to the soul to pay through the roof for food that Pret a Manger would be embarrassed to serve and not blink.
posted by Grangousier at 3:58 AM on August 15, 2021 [3 favorites]

Jay Rayner's reviews and Rachel Roddy's recipes are two of the highlights of the Guardian/Observer for me. I've been in some of those awful City of London places where they just make up prices because everything's expensed, so I do enjoy when they get a good hatchet job.
posted by kersplunk at 4:02 AM on August 15, 2021 [10 favorites]

One of the startling things about the review was the unexpected walk-on part of Alex "crowdfunds my legal costs" Salmond.
posted by Wordshore at 4:07 AM on August 15, 2021 [6 favorites]

Let's hope the servers are at least getting tipped well.

I worked in places like this as a kid. Trust me. They are not.
posted by Cardinal Fang at 4:58 AM on August 15, 2021 [25 favorites]

The pricing in these places is meaningless. It's there only to indicate that the lower classes are not welcome.

If you even think about the cost, you are not supposed to be there.
posted by automatronic at 5:02 AM on August 15, 2021 [10 favorites]

Not quite as savage as his review of le Cinq (which, to be fair, still has three Michelin stars, and probably should be held to a much higher standard), but still delightful.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 5:03 AM on August 15, 2021 [5 favorites]

I want to love JR's columns but somehow he always manages to slip in something awkward or unfortunate. There he is, challenging racism in the food industry, raising the profile of poor working conditions, and speaking out about price points and snobbery. Then he slips in something like "haha that lady has botox and looks funny" and it just jars for me. Plastic body parts, huh? :/
posted by AFII at 5:05 AM on August 15, 2021 [8 favorites]

I do love me some Jay Rayner restaurant reviews, but I also quite enjoy him more as the host of the Kitchen Cabinet.
posted by Kitteh at 5:26 AM on August 15, 2021 [4 favorites]

Not quite as savage as his review of le Cinq (which, to be fair, still has three Michelin stars, and probably should be held to a much higher standard), but still delightful.

The dining room, deep in the hotel, is a broad space of high ceilings and coving, with thick carpets to muffle the screams. It is decorated in various shades of taupe, biscuit and fuck you. There’s a little gilt here and there, to remind us that this is a room designed for people for whom guilt is unfamiliar. It shouts money much as football fans shout at the ref. There’s a stool for the lady’s handbag. Well, of course there is.
posted by TedW at 6:20 AM on August 15, 2021 [16 favorites]

I read the review linked to above after reading the FPP link. Was just coming here to post but Wordshore beat me to it. I have never read this writer before today. I agree that his plastic body parts line was cheap; nevertheless, I loved both reviews for their savagery. Happy to discover that he also likes some restaurants because I’m pretty sure his writing would grate on me if he hated everything.

It’s sad that I have to make do with enjoying savage restaurant reviews as a paltry poultice on the wounded body politic. (That makes no sense but neither does the grim disparities between the wealthy and the rest of us. Enjoy anyway!)
posted by Bella Donna at 6:38 AM on August 15, 2021 [5 favorites]

I was preparing to grumble at Pho Cue, immediately assuming the name was created by a pair of entrepreneurial backpackers who thought they were being hilarious, or something, but no, it is someone who is the child of vietnamese refugees who is actually called Cue.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 7:51 AM on August 15, 2021 [12 favorites]

a pair of entrepreneurial backpackers

and/or the extras from Nathan Barley who opened a café chain in London with outlets named Fuckoffee and Jonestown Coffee.
posted by acb at 8:13 AM on August 15, 2021 [5 favorites]

Jon Mitchell there's a Pho place near where I used to work called Pho Ever which I find hiliarious. It's Vietnames-run and they have a good sense of humor, and the food is great and easy on the wallet! I miss going there.
posted by WhyamIhereagain at 8:16 AM on August 15, 2021 [4 favorites]

Pho puns must be the new Thai puns.
posted by acb at 8:20 AM on August 15, 2021 [2 favorites]

Thanks for this - great writing.

Mrs C is a professional cook and knows good food and what goes into preparing and serving it properly, and is slowly educating me. When we had a bit more coin (or a generous employer) we have dined at a few high-end places... and have often been happy to pay the high bill and to tip well... because it was that good. So I'm perfectly happy to see undeservedly pretentious and expensive places cut down in print, especially since his positive reviews reveal how much he understands and appreciates good food (cue the ratatouille-tasting montage in movie of same name).

I also regularly read Marina Hyde's column in the Guardian - another brilliantly sharp observer and writer.
posted by Artful Codger at 8:25 AM on August 15, 2021 [2 favorites]

Then he slips in something like "haha that lady has botox and looks funny" and it just jars for me.
I think that's a case of punching up vs. punching down. Usually, Metafilter is happy with 'eat the rich' sentiments.
posted by Bee'sWing at 8:41 AM on August 15, 2021 [9 favorites]

I was preparing to grumble at Pho Cue, immediately assuming the name was created by a pair of entrepreneurial backpackers

Having looked up this very thing when I first saw the name, I'm tempted to think that getting people to research the restaurant to find out if it's cultural theft or amusing playfulness is part of the marketing strategy: focusing the attention of worried/irritable liberals, people who like a fuck joke and (potentially, although I can't speak for them) Vietnamese people tired of white people making Phở puns, all in a single name, seems like a tour de force.
posted by howfar at 9:25 AM on August 15, 2021 [4 favorites]

For what it's worth, this is Jay's first negative review in some considerable time - he vowed not to write a bad review during the pandemic because he didn't want to make the lives of restaurateurs who were already struggling even more miserable; if he didn't like a place he'd simply move on and find somewhere else to write about.

That said, I'm glad he saved up all his vitriol for somewhere that really fucking deserved it.
posted by parm at 9:28 AM on August 15, 2021 [29 favorites]

Then he slips in something like "haha that lady has botox and looks funny" and it just jars for me.

For me it was hating on the bidets. The joke implies gastric upset (...so original;) it delivers as culturally insensitive (bidets are common where the owner comes from.) Also, bidets rock! They get you cleaner, are ecologically superior and are just generally pleasant to use.
posted by grokus at 9:28 AM on August 15, 2021 [4 favorites]

I think that's a case of punching up vs. punching down. Usually, Metafilter is happy with 'eat the rich' sentiments.

I imagine that's how he sees it, but I think the issue is one of privilege, not wealth. If you mock rich women (and even though gender isn't mentioned, talking about "plastic body parts" unavoidably points to women) for having cosmetic surgery, there is a clear implication that there is something inherently ridiculous or frivolous about women who have cosmetic surgery. In reality, women, including rich women, usually have very good reasons for cosmetic surgery, but these reasons are usually also deeply unfair, given our misogynist and patriarchal society. Done from a place of male privilege, it works out at punching down, no matter the relative net worth of the individuals involved.
posted by howfar at 9:35 AM on August 15, 2021 [13 favorites]

Jay's March 2018 review of a place in Chelsea (FPP) remains my favourite of his negative reviews:

“Paola’s Market Veggies” arrive in a bowl, with a grainy, deathly “carrot hummus” thickly smeared up the side, like someone had an intimate accident and decided to close the loo door and run away. At the bottom is a “cashew aioli”, which is the kind of discharge you get when you torture nuts. It tastes of raw garlic and nothing else. There are sticks of celery and hunks of cauliflower to dredge through this, alongside “seeded crisp bread” which is neither of the last two words. It is dense and hard and tasteless, as you imagine cork floor tiling might be, if it had somehow been repurposed as food.
posted by Wordshore at 9:51 AM on August 15, 2021 [4 favorites]

There’s a phở place by us called Phở King Way. It’s not even close to the best phở place close to me, but I live in the OC and we have A LOT of good phở.
posted by sleeping bear at 9:56 AM on August 15, 2021 [2 favorites]

Usually, Metafilter is happy with 'eat the rich' sentiments.

Just don't eat what the rich are eating - it's a total rip-off.
posted by EndsOfInvention at 9:58 AM on August 15, 2021 [5 favorites]

Let's hope the servers are at least getting tipped well.

Over on Twitter Jay has put up a few more pictures from the restaurant, including the menu. At the bottom of which it states:

A discretionary service charge of 14% will be added to your bill.

I'm wondering how much of that really makes it to the servers? For the salad alone, that's £5.32 or $7.39. For the whole meal ("...over £370...", assuming the service charge is on top of that) that's £51.80 or $72.
posted by Wordshore at 10:27 AM on August 15, 2021 [3 favorites]

Also, bidets rock! They get you cleaner, are ecologically superior and are just generally pleasant to use.


I think the confusion resulted from the inclusion of a bidet in a public restroom, which is rather unusual in Europe.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:33 AM on August 15, 2021 [7 favorites]

But how can we eat the rich if they're made of plastic?
posted by Jacen at 10:37 AM on August 15, 2021 [4 favorites]

According to this BBC report from a couple of years ago the service charge can go to admin costs, breakages, people who do a runner, etc. I would guess that any remaining service charge is written down against the hourly pay of the restaurant staff. So technically quite a bit of it gets to the staff but not as a tip.

Some info on UK service charges here, its worth knowing the difference between compulsory and discretionary. Cash remains the best way to tip in the UK.
posted by biffa at 10:54 AM on August 15, 2021 [5 favorites]

The McCarthy salad looks good to me, but then I really love Cobb salads and they are almost the same thing (beets added, cheddar instead of blue cheese). Having all of the components neatly organised so I can mix them myself is part of the appeal, and it's probably not a coincidence that one of my other top five foods, hiyashi chuuka, is presented similarly. And now that I think about it, one of my top ten foods, it's probably like #8, is bibimbap and the place where I loved it the most served it with the different ingredient sections marked by little seaweed lines with the egg exactly in the middle.

Anyway, if a rich person wanted to buy me a McCarthy salad, I wouldn't say no.
posted by betweenthebars at 11:11 AM on August 15, 2021 [1 favorite]

For $53, a McCarthy salad should dress itself in endorphins as I watch, and flutter off the plate to alight gently on my extended tongue like a curious butterfly, dissolving into an explosion of delightful tastes. I think that was the point. ;-)
posted by Artful Codger at 11:30 AM on August 15, 2021 [17 favorites]

Let's hope the servers are at least getting tipped well.

This is France. They don't do tipping.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 12:20 PM on August 15, 2021

I'm pretty sure London is still in England.
posted by biffa at 12:33 PM on August 15, 2021 [11 favorites]

I'm pretty sure London is still in England

I think they lost it in Brexit, and it is still attached to France via the chunnel, like a selfie stick for the Continent.
posted by xris at 1:12 PM on August 15, 2021 [6 favorites]

WRT the bidets:

- I'm assuming that he means the original kind, and not the toilet-seat-with-a-built-in-butt-washer kind.

- If so, then how would that even work in a restroom meant to be used by more than one person at a time?
posted by Halloween Jack at 2:35 PM on August 15, 2021

If itʻs not way too late with the Pho puns, I kinda like the name of a cafe, nestled in the Keola Hills suburb of Honolulu, entitled What The Pho. But not enough to actually go in there. Chinatown Honolulu, where Vietnamese go to shop grocery, has plenty of wonderful vying Vietnamese restaurants, each of them orders of magnitude better than any Pho place anywhere else in the state that iʻve tried to like.
posted by Droll Lord at 3:01 PM on August 15, 2021 [2 favorites]

I don't know why but I really needed a snarky restaurant review, so thank you.
posted by A Terrible Llama at 3:15 PM on August 15, 2021 [7 favorites]

Award-winning traditional bidets, at that: Lesley Joseph TV star from 'Birds of a Feather' proudly holds the Charmin Ultimate Loo award, at the Dorchester Hotel, central London.
posted by ectabo at 3:28 PM on August 15, 2021 [1 favorite]

There’s a stool for the lady’s handbag. Well, of course there is.

This lady would be grateful not to have to put it on the floor. Or an empty chair. Or on my lap. I’ll bet there’s a coat check too with those effete hangers.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 4:18 PM on August 15, 2021 [10 favorites]

Grace Dent (previously) is another of the Guardian / Observer food writers who is often strangely satisfying to read. Yesterday she wrote of "a peculiar, almost unnerving, alien-like mass of wafer-thin celeriac and apple arranged around moist black dates and some sort of soft cheese, and covered in a generous shower of black truffle".
posted by paduasoy at 4:20 PM on August 15, 2021 [4 favorites]

I was so delighted to find Rayner returned to form, a tiny beacon of hope, in this dark time, and so glad wordshore made this FPP. I had considered doing it but as ever was to frightend.
posted by 15L06 at 4:23 PM on August 15, 2021 [6 favorites]

I don't know why but I really needed a snarky restaurant review, so thank you.

Felt like old times
posted by DeepSeaHaggis at 4:44 PM on August 15, 2021 [7 favorites]

This lady would be grateful not to have to put it on the floor.

I once ate at a place that had a little pillow for my phone.
posted by praemunire at 11:28 PM on August 15, 2021 [2 favorites]

I once ate at a place that had a little pillow for my phone.

Likewise.
posted by Wordshore at 12:49 AM on August 16, 2021 [3 favorites]

Hang on, it was a cushion for my phone?! *burps feathers*
posted by fallingbadgers at 2:57 AM on August 16, 2021 [8 favorites]

Thank you for sharing this, Wordshore! I love Jay Rayner on mean form.
posted by unicorn chaser at 3:07 AM on August 16, 2021 [1 favorite]

Grace Dent (Guardian food writer, podcast host, radio and TV presenter) has written some lovely articles over the pandemic and shutdowns, particularly around caring for and eventually losing her elderly mother. I found some of her pieces really moving.
posted by ElasticParrot at 5:13 AM on August 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

My favourite thing about his mother, Claire Rayner's autobiography was when she said that Jay, as a child, would actually stage a protest if the food for dinner was awful that night.
posted by Ms. Moonlight at 6:34 AM on August 16, 2021 [7 favorites]

I once ate at a place that had a little pillow for my phone.

I like the places here in Tokyo that give you a tiny tray next to your place setting where you can stash your face mask while you're eating, so you don't have to just stuff it in your pocket.
posted by Umami Dearest at 8:47 AM on August 16, 2021 [7 favorites]

I've enjoyed Rayner's run of positive reviews. I'm not in the UK and have no plans of visiting any time soon but in every positive review he'll be able to describe at least one dish in a way that really makes me want to try it.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:19 PM on August 16, 2021 [2 favorites]

Seems like a good idea hygienically as well, Umami.

I had good meals at both the phone cushion place and the bag stool place (the latter in particular had sophisticated yet unpretentious service). But they were both American. The really stodgy old UK and French places can have some bad DNA, resulting in places like Cinq.
posted by praemunire at 1:55 PM on August 16, 2021

Speaking of Pho Cue; I have wanted someone to convert the Double Door in Wicker Park, Chicago into a combination Vietnamese and Barbecue place. One entryway saying PHO and the other CUE.

BTAIM, I have been a bit more accepting of glitches in restaurants now that I can go to them. I miss the ones that didn't survive; so I am making it a point to revisit the ones that I used to frequent that have survived the pandemic. Most of them have new staff; but the ones where the oldies are still there; especially mom-and-pop ones; I am as happy to see them as they are to see me back.
posted by indianbadger1 at 12:40 PM on August 17, 2021 [2 favorites]