August 17, 2002
10:14 AM   Subscribe

So you want to book a show for your college? Norm MacDonald is available for $25k and Dave Attell is a steal at $5k.The Red Hot Chili Peppers go for $100k, though.You could always pass the hat, I guess.To hire these people, you have to go through you-know-who.
posted by BarneyFifesBullet (44 comments total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Garbage is only $30,000?? Sigh. Shirley is soooo dreamy...
posted by mathis23 at 10:20 AM on August 17, 2002

If I have $30k, I'm spending it on Tenacious D.
posted by mbd1mbd1 at 10:23 AM on August 17, 2002

As someone who used to be involved with booking mid-level celebrities for events, I can say from experience that these are not 'must have' prices, but only 'want to have' ones. These are merely the starting points for negotiations. The final price depends on your skills in that area.

I mean, c'mon, Carrot Top for $30k and Carson Daly for $35k?

posted by Dirjy at 10:23 AM on August 17, 2002

For $20K, I'd have the bloodhound gang beat up vanilla ice :)
posted by RubiX^3 at 10:29 AM on August 17, 2002

Some of these bands are probably underpriced... Local H for 7k? They did better on eBay.
posted by bobo123 at 10:36 AM on August 17, 2002

Apparently you can get Vince Neil for $1200.

At that price, you could have him Simonize your car.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:38 AM on August 17, 2002

Also if you're trying to slam ClearChannel on this (and heaven's knows theres enough reasons to do that) I don't think its so clear cut. I wrote Dan Bern's manager directly and started negotiations without their involvement at all.
posted by dhacker at 10:41 AM on August 17, 2002

Vince Neil for 1200 is a steal! I have some problems with my Clearwater Septic system I need to get fixed.... Imagine Vince waste deep in Poop, singing Girls Girls Girls.

It brings tears to my eyes, I tell you.
posted by bradth27 at 10:43 AM on August 17, 2002

"Dude! We only need five grand to get Built to Spill!"

"Dude! Where are we going to get five Gs?"

Hilarious college boy antics ensue..
posted by slipperywhenwet at 11:02 AM on August 17, 2002

$5K gets you Kottke.

What? He's not?

Oh, never mind.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 11:12 AM on August 17, 2002

$200K for Tracy Chapman? What's she going to do, play Fast Car for two hours? Are we on Bizarro World?
posted by MegoSteve at 11:18 AM on August 17, 2002

Who'd pay 100K for Drew Carrey? I could get two Jeneane Garafalos for that! Or 4 Violent Femmes. Or 13 Flaming Lips!
posted by Windigo at 11:36 AM on August 17, 2002

"I am Huey Lewis, king of has-beens, look upon my price tag and despair!"

No Doubt and Destiny's Child more expensive than Dylan? (On second thought, I'd rather see either of them than Dylan, so...)

And who's the most expensive act of all? Why Shania Twain, at $300K, of course!

*Shakes head, walks away in despair*
posted by evanizer at 11:44 AM on August 17, 2002

Since Dylan is a mumbling limping incoherent brain-fried lump of flesh, this is no surprise. Just see him performing on the Sheryl Crow in New York DVD.. it's like watching Weekend at Bernie's all over again.
posted by wackybrit at 11:53 AM on August 17, 2002

Laurie Anderson's going price is $10K? WTF??? She's easily worth ten times that. The bastards.

I figured Tenacious D would show up at any frat party for free beer & virgins. $30K seems to be pushing it.

Okay. So this is the alleged starting price through Clear Channel. How much are these artists worth if Clear Channel isn't in the picture?
posted by ZachsMind at 12:05 PM on August 17, 2002

D-12 is $15k.
Eminem is $100k plus.
Someone please explain.
posted by ayedub at 12:27 PM on August 17, 2002

Ayedub, I'll try to explain. Rich people are dumber than people with taste. There's not enough rich people with taste in this world. Clear Channel is run by a room filled with monkeys pounding on a word processor.

does that answer your question?
posted by ZachsMind at 12:29 PM on August 17, 2002

Man, if I had money to throw around, I'd pay $10K just to spend the day talking with Laurie Anderson.
posted by five fresh fish at 12:33 PM on August 17, 2002

comedy genius Rich Hall for only $2.5K? maybe should try to scrap together the funds and invite him to perform in my living room.
posted by gluechunk at 12:36 PM on August 17, 2002

If Clear Channel wasn't in the picture, I'd guess these artists would be getting half of their asking price. It all has to do with the booking agent.

I've had a part in booking shows at my university for the past couple of years -- and we've never doled out such mad cash for artists' fees. Instead, we choose to book smaller shows every weekend, and do the occassional "big" show, a la The Wailers or Ben Harper.

But that's not to say we don't get good shows -- last year, we had Spoon, Superdrag, The Dismemberment Plan, The Brian Jonestown Massacre, The Moldy Peaches, Har Mar, Unwound, Idlewild and a gazillion others all play in our student union.

I don't think Garbage would cut us a deal, though -- despite the hometown appeal.
posted by pfafflin at 12:38 PM on August 17, 2002

I don't understand how Art Garfunkel's agent thinks he can still demand $25,000 for each performance. He may be talented, but he's also the bitch half of a duo that broke up more than 30 years ago.

Too bad Paul Simon isn't on the list too, or maybe I could orchestrate some sort of wacky reunion, ala The Parent Trap.
posted by Hildago at 12:43 PM on August 17, 2002

Try a wacky reunion with Natalie Merchant & 10,000 Maniacs. They're both on the list. Would cost less than $40K.
posted by ZachsMind at 12:52 PM on August 17, 2002

Hell, I'd pay $10K just to get Laurie Anderson to come so I could beat the crap out of her.

Seriously, every university must have a babbling art chick somewhere in the woodwork. Just buy a used vocoder (which would be far less than $10K) and a used Casio keyboard, dim the lights, turn on one of the Casio's preprogrammed rhythm lines and let said art chick screech entries from her poetry journal through the vocoder. Voila! No one will ever know the difference, and you can use the money you've saved to buy some good weed and a couple new laptops for you and your friends.
posted by evanizer at 1:43 PM on August 17, 2002

fatboy slim gets paid $35 grand to play someone elses records. oakenfold gets $40k. groundbraking ORIGINAL artists like public enemy get paid less than a fucking DJ. anyone else see something wrong here? DIE DJS, DIE!
posted by afx114 at 2:03 PM on August 17, 2002

Clear Channel is run by a room filled with monkeys pounding on a word processor.

So ClearChannel hosts Wil Wheaton's site?
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:06 PM on August 17, 2002

And I'll see your two Jeneane Garafalos' and raise you a Jay Mohr.
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 2:09 PM on August 17, 2002

Anyone notice that idiot Sisqo is going for 100K. In at another baffling price there is Shania Twain going for 300K. I guess her vocal gear cost at least 100K.
posted by plexi at 2:12 PM on August 17, 2002

evanizer, can I come over and chip in 2k to say "Now who'se your daddy?" a couple of times.
posted by ouke at 2:40 PM on August 17, 2002

Creed comes in at 200k, and Ja Rule for 125k, and 311 for 50k. 311? They suck. I could get the Upright Citizens Brigade like, 30 times for that.
posted by insomnyuk at 2:53 PM on August 17, 2002

I've had a part in booking shows at my university for the past couple of years

Did you book the show where the Poster Children played with IfIhadaHifi for free?
posted by drezdn at 2:56 PM on August 17, 2002

You can buy four Bill Mahers for the price of one Bill Cosby. I'd say that's fair.
posted by ZachsMind at 2:59 PM on August 17, 2002

Oh, what I could do with $200k
posted by jbelshaw at 3:58 PM on August 17, 2002

Poor Vince. I met him once about five years ago and he seemed like a totally pleasant guy.

'Course, I had no idea who he was at the time. :/
posted by Spiny Delicacy at 5:20 PM on August 17, 2002


No hate against public enemy, they're awesome... But both Paul Oakenfold and fatboy slim are pioneers in their own right. Fatboy Slim and the Chemical Brothers pioneered Big Beat (which I personally think is for all the people who know nothing about electronic music to listen to and like because it sounds like rock with synths). And Paul Oakenfold brought trance onto the worldwide stage (but is now a shadow of his former coolness).

Believe me, as both a DJ and a producer (electronic/hip hop/rock) neither deserves to be trivialized.
posted by statusquo at 5:48 PM on August 17, 2002

Great music on a $57,000 budget:
Mr. Bungle, $10k
Flaming Lips, $7.5k
Badly Drawn Boy, $7.5k
Bob Mould, $7.5k
Poe, $7.5k
M. Doughty, $5k
The Beta Band, $5k
Jayhawks, $3.5k
Moldy Peaches, $3k
posted by waxpancake at 5:57 PM on August 17, 2002

for you college bookers out there, sign the derek trucks band before their album comes out sept. 3.

dTb rules!
posted by aiq at 6:19 PM on August 17, 2002

If I ever went totally, completely mental - and I am almost there, believe me - I would take a loan on my 401k and give Weird Al Yankovic $20k to play "Yoda" in my kitchen. Over and over and over.
posted by PrinceValium at 8:53 PM on August 17, 2002

Okay, so for a mere $7.5k I can get the 10,000 Maniacs to, um, play at my wedding? That's not much more than it looks like I'll be shelling out for some crappy band! Okay, I gotta do this. Will they sing the Hora?
posted by Fofer at 11:36 PM on August 17, 2002

D-12 is $15k.
Eminem is $100k plus.
Someone please explain.

Despite being a part of the group, Marshall does not tour or perform with the D-12 in concert, as far as I can tell.

Also, he sucks. You can work that into the equation however you like...I just enjoy pointing it out.

Amen to the fact that Mr. Bungle rocks. If I had a few grand, I would get DJ Shadow, Blackalicious, Mr. Bungle, or perhaps 16 Horsepower to play my backyard. Dave Attell could open for them.
posted by El_Gray at 11:37 PM on August 17, 2002

Oh, and while I'm here...

Who would pay $40,000 for Jim Belushi? There are starving children in this country, for Jeebus' sake!
posted by El_Gray at 11:40 PM on August 17, 2002

Drezdn -- yes.
posted by pfafflin at 9:28 AM on August 18, 2002

Whoa, Nelson.

Ben Folds Five
Call for Pricing
October 8 - 26 Availability

Say whut? Also,

Arrested Development
Call for Availability

Didn't they break up something like eight years ago?
posted by blueshammer at 10:44 AM on August 18, 2002

...and 311 for 50k. 311? They suck.

311 might not play music you like but that isn't a very convincing argument. They're the best thing to come out of Omaha, Nebraska since....well...since Warren Buffet. They have a unique sound, think RHCP meets Sublime, which may not be your thing but is no reason to go all Onion T-shirt on them. Plus they also allow taping at their shows.
posted by euphorb at 1:43 PM on August 18, 2002

For only $125, you can get P Diddy.

But the best deal by far is $45k... $20k for weird al and $25k for coolio... let's get ready to rumble...
posted by devo at 7:11 AM on August 19, 2002

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