Short Lease in a Slick Machine
September 1, 2021 4:13 AM Subscribe
A personal essay by Kate Wagner of McMansion Hell: The apartment I’ve lived in this past year quite frankly and very succinctly encompasses everything I kind of hate about architecture, about design, about the ways people in the profession are expected to live their lives for the benefit and the consumption of others. [via]
It seems to me that in some way this piece was more about shitty landlords than a shitty place. I mean, the small flat I live in right now in Amsterdam is I think very pretty. I like living in a pretty place. I like the aesthetic. Our landlord is a really friendly guy. When we asked him if we could nail things into the pristine walls, he was like "Sure, of course! It's your place."
My only complaints about the interior design is that he designed it according to how he and his wife live. The bathroom sink is a wide double sink with two faucets. When we moved in, he was proud of it, explaining that he had solved the problem of the morning competition for sink space! The narrow doors are way too high to easily hang things like a coat hook. He is a tall Dutchman who was tired of ducking, so again built for him.
So it is designed and also to some extent designed for someone else. But if you have a landlord who understands that and allows you to re-adjust it so that you can make it more your own, then in this case I longer see how the apartment is the enemy here. I also don't believe design and usability are necessarily opposites which seems to be an unspoken premise in this article.
In all honesty, I found the idea of bikes in the living room kind of gross. But it does sound like the place was wrong for her and that is ok too.
posted by vacapinta at 5:20 AM on September 1, 2021 [12 favorites]
My only complaints about the interior design is that he designed it according to how he and his wife live. The bathroom sink is a wide double sink with two faucets. When we moved in, he was proud of it, explaining that he had solved the problem of the morning competition for sink space! The narrow doors are way too high to easily hang things like a coat hook. He is a tall Dutchman who was tired of ducking, so again built for him.
So it is designed and also to some extent designed for someone else. But if you have a landlord who understands that and allows you to re-adjust it so that you can make it more your own, then in this case I longer see how the apartment is the enemy here. I also don't believe design and usability are necessarily opposites which seems to be an unspoken premise in this article.
In all honesty, I found the idea of bikes in the living room kind of gross. But it does sound like the place was wrong for her and that is ok too.
posted by vacapinta at 5:20 AM on September 1, 2021 [12 favorites]
I guess I've never lived in a pretty apartment before. I understand the concept she's getting at, that many new (or newly refurbished) apartments are designed to look as if they are designed for living the good life, whereas poor workmanship quickly destroys the illusion.
However, my apartments have mostly been somewhere between the two coasts, or in some other country where things are often built better, and they haven't been new or tarted up to appear new.
I never had problems (except cockroaches in Indiana). I've lived in a house for years now (I'm older than the author) and, while not in love with battling entropy in a 1926 house, don't have to worry about the kind of annoyances the architecture critic has been afflicted with.
Her profession is obviously a curse when it comes to analyzing her living spaces, just as my musicianship is a curse when it comes to inadvertent exposure to bad music.
posted by kozad at 5:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
However, my apartments have mostly been somewhere between the two coasts, or in some other country where things are often built better, and they haven't been new or tarted up to appear new.
I never had problems (except cockroaches in Indiana). I've lived in a house for years now (I'm older than the author) and, while not in love with battling entropy in a 1926 house, don't have to worry about the kind of annoyances the architecture critic has been afflicted with.
Her profession is obviously a curse when it comes to analyzing her living spaces, just as my musicianship is a curse when it comes to inadvertent exposure to bad music.
posted by kozad at 5:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
A place with no closets. Yikes.
Whenever I'm planning any project (a renovation, clothing, or any sort of art or craft), I try to follow the rule I first heard back when I was studying book design in the book and magazine publishing program I did at 19/20: form follows function. This means that usability is supposed to be your first consideration. I care a lot about aesthetics, but things have to serve their intended purpose as well as look good. You start your planning by deciding what's practical, what's usable, what's comfortable, what's necessary, and then you figure out how to make those practical elements look as attractive as possible.
When I was renovating the basement apartment of my house, one of my mantras was "create storage", because I know adequate storage is one of the things that makes a place livable, and while I didn't have a lot of leeway to do that, I did the best I could. Even a small thing like installing a hook rail in the hallway by the apartment door made the place more convenient and livable for my tenants. They can put a mat below the hook rail, and take off their jackets and boots upon entrance into the apartment and put them tidily away on the hook/mat, where they'll be easy to get the next time they want to go out, rather than having to go into the bedroom them away in one of the two closets in there, or just dump them somewhere in the way.
Before COVID, I used to visit a good friend of mine who lives in a small town north of Toronto twice a year for a few days each time. She and her partner have a nice cottagey-type two-story house. The house has a wooden staircase, and when I first saw it I thought it was very beautiful. But that staircase is MURDER to actually use. It's narrow and twisty and the ceiling slants down really low over the top of it. I don't think I've ever climbed stairs that were so uncomfortable to climb, and hauling a big suitcase up and down them as I must do at the beginning and end of each visit is such a job. My friend told me she's always afraid of falling when she goes up or down them. The main staircase at my place may not look nearly as impressive but it's wide and straight, the incline isn't too step, it's comfortably carpeted, and I can run up and down it easily without it making me miserable or feeling like it's trying to kill me. So I get the idea of hostile architecture. Sure, it's nice to have things that look magazine-spread impressive. I certainly wouldn't mind having granite countertops like my friend has in her kitchen -- so easy to clean! and you don't have to use a hot pad because they won't scorch! -- but I could never live with those fucking stairs. If you need to chose between fancy things that don't work and plainer things that do, you're better off with the latter.
posted by orange swan at 5:36 AM on September 1, 2021 [17 favorites]
Whenever I'm planning any project (a renovation, clothing, or any sort of art or craft), I try to follow the rule I first heard back when I was studying book design in the book and magazine publishing program I did at 19/20: form follows function. This means that usability is supposed to be your first consideration. I care a lot about aesthetics, but things have to serve their intended purpose as well as look good. You start your planning by deciding what's practical, what's usable, what's comfortable, what's necessary, and then you figure out how to make those practical elements look as attractive as possible.
When I was renovating the basement apartment of my house, one of my mantras was "create storage", because I know adequate storage is one of the things that makes a place livable, and while I didn't have a lot of leeway to do that, I did the best I could. Even a small thing like installing a hook rail in the hallway by the apartment door made the place more convenient and livable for my tenants. They can put a mat below the hook rail, and take off their jackets and boots upon entrance into the apartment and put them tidily away on the hook/mat, where they'll be easy to get the next time they want to go out, rather than having to go into the bedroom them away in one of the two closets in there, or just dump them somewhere in the way.
Before COVID, I used to visit a good friend of mine who lives in a small town north of Toronto twice a year for a few days each time. She and her partner have a nice cottagey-type two-story house. The house has a wooden staircase, and when I first saw it I thought it was very beautiful. But that staircase is MURDER to actually use. It's narrow and twisty and the ceiling slants down really low over the top of it. I don't think I've ever climbed stairs that were so uncomfortable to climb, and hauling a big suitcase up and down them as I must do at the beginning and end of each visit is such a job. My friend told me she's always afraid of falling when she goes up or down them. The main staircase at my place may not look nearly as impressive but it's wide and straight, the incline isn't too step, it's comfortably carpeted, and I can run up and down it easily without it making me miserable or feeling like it's trying to kill me. So I get the idea of hostile architecture. Sure, it's nice to have things that look magazine-spread impressive. I certainly wouldn't mind having granite countertops like my friend has in her kitchen -- so easy to clean! and you don't have to use a hot pad because they won't scorch! -- but I could never live with those fucking stairs. If you need to chose between fancy things that don't work and plainer things that do, you're better off with the latter.
posted by orange swan at 5:36 AM on September 1, 2021 [17 favorites]
Was her landlord in the same building? I guess I've never had one that was likely to want to swing by unless they had to. And I haven't always lived in shitholes.
posted by emjaybee at 5:39 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by emjaybee at 5:39 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
I once lived in a beautiful townhouse originally built in the 1860s, with some of the original details still in place: a pressed tin ceiling, radiators, push-button lightswitches from the First World War, and an incredible oak bannister on the main staircase, for instance. However, my friends and I quickly learned that knob and tube wiring and oil heat were not up to the demands of five college students in the early oughts (it was pre Wifi, so we had blue Ethernet cables strung all through the house and five desktop computers would brown out the power). There were so many outages and the house leaked heat like a sieve. The landlady was obsessed with preserving the "style" of the house so she would conduct surprise inspections and stiffed us on our damage deposit in the end. I'm fairly sure most of her behavior was illegal but we had all just moved out of our parents' places, so what did we know? Yes, the style was wonderful, but it's not like we were having black tie dinner parties every Saturday.
My current home was built in 1997 and is completely unremarkable, but has very little maintenance and it's not a disaster if the dog has an accident or the kids spill a drink. Century homes are best left to people who 1) have a gigantic reno budget and access to reliable tradespeople and gardeners and 2) do not have kids or pets.
posted by fortitude25 at 5:56 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
My current home was built in 1997 and is completely unremarkable, but has very little maintenance and it's not a disaster if the dog has an accident or the kids spill a drink. Century homes are best left to people who 1) have a gigantic reno budget and access to reliable tradespeople and gardeners and 2) do not have kids or pets.
posted by fortitude25 at 5:56 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
“but I hate the pressure to have to perform taste in the most intimate of one’s settings” Yes, this. Good essay; thanks for posting it.
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:59 AM on September 1, 2021 [46 favorites]
posted by MonkeyToes at 5:59 AM on September 1, 2021 [46 favorites]
A very nice essay and satisfying that she’s now in a good apartment. Interesting the effect of the landlord on her enjoyment or lack of in a place. I only ever rented one place on my own for my last year of grad school. I was lucky enough to get a studio in a 1923 building with an architect for a landlord. He was really into the original fixtures and fussy about any damage. But the space had the original built-ins and they all worked. The closet was a pass-through space to the bathroom but it was kitted out with drawers and shelves that all seemed original and were fantastic. For a room of one’s own, it was amazing.
posted by amanda at 6:15 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by amanda at 6:15 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
I really felt the part about apartment kitchens. My place has a kitchen fit only for ordering pizza.
something in this essay helped me breathe easier today. Thanks for sharing it.
posted by snerson at 6:23 AM on September 1, 2021 [12 favorites]
something in this essay helped me breathe easier today. Thanks for sharing it.
posted by snerson at 6:23 AM on September 1, 2021 [12 favorites]
I enjoy McMansion Hell a lot, her humor is a bonus. Scaling her focus down to her personal experience of apartment living is relatable for me. Old houses really don’t have much closet space and it’s not the kind of thing I would notice until after moving in. Maybe her next step is buying a fixer upper.
You will need to tear my marble countertops out of my cold dead hands. They do show tons of wear at certain angles, but I love them because they remind me of old marble bathroom sinks , worn and lovely. Cannot stand granite countertops, sparkly and shiny looks tacky as hell.
posted by waving at 6:32 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
You will need to tear my marble countertops out of my cold dead hands. They do show tons of wear at certain angles, but I love them because they remind me of old marble bathroom sinks , worn and lovely. Cannot stand granite countertops, sparkly and shiny looks tacky as hell.
posted by waving at 6:32 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
But the worst part of the apartment was that it was designed by someone who didn’t know how to live, couldn’t think of anyone’s world other than the sparse one of the architect who owned nothing save for color-coordinated books and limited edition lithographs.
[feels my librarian hackles raise]
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:33 AM on September 1, 2021 [14 favorites]
[feels my librarian hackles raise]
posted by Halloween Jack at 6:33 AM on September 1, 2021 [14 favorites]
I also don't believe design and usability are necessarily opposites which seems to be an unspoken premise in this article.
I don't think that was her point. She's an architecture critic, she values design. Her point is that good design must take into account usability, and that design that prioritizes aesthetics over actually working is shitty design and nothing about how pretty a floating bathtub is will make up for the fact that you can't properly shower in the thing.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:36 AM on September 1, 2021 [44 favorites]
I don't think that was her point. She's an architecture critic, she values design. Her point is that good design must take into account usability, and that design that prioritizes aesthetics over actually working is shitty design and nothing about how pretty a floating bathtub is will make up for the fact that you can't properly shower in the thing.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:36 AM on September 1, 2021 [44 favorites]
I remember watching an episode of the original Queer Eye for the Straight Guy where the interior designer replaced the kitchen cabinets with open shelving and all I could think about was who wants to have to dust those shelves? So often the places that you'd see in magazines seem to be set up around the idea that you're going to hire someone else to do all the cleaning. For me, cleaning is pretty much the first thing I think about whenever I see pictures of a space. I would love to see interior design focused on making things easier to clean and more forgiving if you don't clean them.
The place she describes in the article sounds like a nightmare to clean. Do you have to get under and behind the floating bathtub?
posted by FencingGal at 6:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [26 favorites]
The place she describes in the article sounds like a nightmare to clean. Do you have to get under and behind the floating bathtub?
posted by FencingGal at 6:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [26 favorites]
While I'm not undermining her view or her experience, I'm glad I'm not in a position where my chosen profession is elucidating how bad something sucks. I'm a design teacher, and as such I'm a critic, but I would be miserable if my default experience of design was relentlessly negative. Trust me: I know the majority of the built environment ranges from the banal to the terrible. I work in a small way to try to make that better. Only focusing on the bad sounds like the worst possible way to do that, unless you want to be miserable. That's just me though.
posted by hilberseimer at 6:40 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by hilberseimer at 6:40 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
There was clutter.
All of the fancy magazine shoots of architecture come from an alternate universe where personal belongings and especially children and pets do not exist.
I had been fooled by nice finishes
Having moved almost as much as the author, and even bought and sold a few times, a marble countertop is near enough to the car salesman's first question being "what color would you like". First sensory impressions are what sell places, in my experience. In all of the properties I've sold, we've had the buyer come back and mention a specific upgrade (twice a bathroom, once a basement) that sold them on the place. Finishes are an important differentiator that sell places, IME.
Taken to the extreme, arguably, that's what McMansions really are, a big place, quickly constructed with a few well-chosen appointments, like floors and stone countertops, to impress the sense of "quality" on the buyer. Their purpose is to be the housing equivalent of big flashy jewelry, perhaps with a few real stones, but mostly made of paste and pot metal. Marble really is a crappy countertop for everyday use[1], but it looks, feels and sounds impressive. And it's often put on the same chipboard cabinet boxes used for the cheapest kitchens.
[1] It's great for baking on, but marble is soft, certainly compared to glass and metal; will stain easily; and is very vulnerable to acids. Tomato sauce spills can be complete death for a marble surface. It needs to be babied and sealed regularly to even have a chance.
posted by bonehead at 6:43 AM on September 1, 2021 [24 favorites]
All of the fancy magazine shoots of architecture come from an alternate universe where personal belongings and especially children and pets do not exist.
I had been fooled by nice finishes
Having moved almost as much as the author, and even bought and sold a few times, a marble countertop is near enough to the car salesman's first question being "what color would you like". First sensory impressions are what sell places, in my experience. In all of the properties I've sold, we've had the buyer come back and mention a specific upgrade (twice a bathroom, once a basement) that sold them on the place. Finishes are an important differentiator that sell places, IME.
Taken to the extreme, arguably, that's what McMansions really are, a big place, quickly constructed with a few well-chosen appointments, like floors and stone countertops, to impress the sense of "quality" on the buyer. Their purpose is to be the housing equivalent of big flashy jewelry, perhaps with a few real stones, but mostly made of paste and pot metal. Marble really is a crappy countertop for everyday use[1], but it looks, feels and sounds impressive. And it's often put on the same chipboard cabinet boxes used for the cheapest kitchens.
[1] It's great for baking on, but marble is soft, certainly compared to glass and metal; will stain easily; and is very vulnerable to acids. Tomato sauce spills can be complete death for a marble surface. It needs to be babied and sealed regularly to even have a chance.
posted by bonehead at 6:43 AM on September 1, 2021 [24 favorites]
I'm gonna defend the "cabinets to the ceiling" part. My wife and I love these in a kitchen. What's the point of a void space at the top of kitchen cabinets? A place for knicknacks that collect greasy dust? No, kitchen cabinets should extend to the ceiling. The upper, less reachable cabinets are for things you rarely use, like party supplies, platters, giant serving bowls, small oddball appliances, etc. If we need to get up there a few times a year, we bring over a step stool and reach for those things. Otherwise, I understand and sympathize with the thrust of this article.
Having grown up in a workman's cottage in Chicago dating from 1912 (and having briefly lived in a different multi-unit Chicago building that was a little older) I will agree that the limited closet space issue is very real. People back then simply did not own many items of clothing. The closets those places had were few and tiny. I remember a specific coat closet that was so shallow that it would not accommodate the width of a standard modern clothes hanger with a coat, forcing us to jam the coats in diagonally and force the door closed! People were smaller and had less clothing. It's a real issue.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [49 favorites]
Having grown up in a workman's cottage in Chicago dating from 1912 (and having briefly lived in a different multi-unit Chicago building that was a little older) I will agree that the limited closet space issue is very real. People back then simply did not own many items of clothing. The closets those places had were few and tiny. I remember a specific coat closet that was so shallow that it would not accommodate the width of a standard modern clothes hanger with a coat, forcing us to jam the coats in diagonally and force the door closed! People were smaller and had less clothing. It's a real issue.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [49 favorites]
I live in a not great house from the early 1880s and it's a challenge to live in in many ways, layouts are odd and hostile to most furniture, before we modernized it there were essentially no outlets or overhead lights, plaster and lath is a god damn nightmare, there's not a single plumb or square line to be had. That said I still prefer this place to every mcmansion I've been in, it's got solid wood doors, real hardwood, you can't hear stuff happening in the basement on the second floor and most importantly it's built to be reasonably heated in a MN winter. Seeing the giant open foyers and cathedral ceilings of mcmansions in this area has the budget center of my brain screaming bloody murder.
posted by Ferreous at 6:54 AM on September 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 6:54 AM on September 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
All of the fancy magazine shoots of architecture come from an alternate universe where personal belongings and especially children and pets do not exist.
My brother and sister-in-law had their house featured in a decorating magazine once, and one of the photos was of my niece, then about 2, streaking through a bedroom with a set of stools covered in long white faux fur on them. The text described how much she loved those stools.
Those stools were brought in specifically for the photo shoot, my niece was not permitted to touch them, and then they were taken away again, because no one in their right mind has blinding white faux fur accessories AND a toddler.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:55 AM on September 1, 2021 [63 favorites]
My brother and sister-in-law had their house featured in a decorating magazine once, and one of the photos was of my niece, then about 2, streaking through a bedroom with a set of stools covered in long white faux fur on them. The text described how much she loved those stools.
Those stools were brought in specifically for the photo shoot, my niece was not permitted to touch them, and then they were taken away again, because no one in their right mind has blinding white faux fur accessories AND a toddler.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:55 AM on September 1, 2021 [63 favorites]
Suddenly, we were in a prison of design. This was a place for performing living, and we, as normal people, simply wanted to live – wanted to leave clothes in front of the washer as we pleased, wanted to bake cakes that got flour everywhere, wanted to just collapse somewhere and go to sleep, wanted to have a private life not dominated by the curation and fussiness and pressures of taste that govern careers like mine. Our house was always just for our consumption, not that of others.
Reading that, I was reminded of the critiques she makes of the McMansion houses. Yes, they are ugly, but they are specifically designed and bought for a certain kind of easy living -- lots of space to spread out across different rooms, enough space to be able to have guests without having them sandwiched on top of your own private messy living space, private yard so no need to negotiate public spaces, etc. I guess I'm saying that in addition to being aesthetic and ecological disasters, the McMansions are meeting a need that people have and that she (albeit with different priorities and at a different life stage) shares, and it would be good if in the site's future McMansion critiques she was able to bring that empathy and connection.
I really appreciated all the descriptions of terrible apartment kitchens. I'm in a nice apartment now, with a pretty decent kitchen, and it still frustrates me to no end. Most of the places I've ever rented had genuinely terrible kitchens (intended for people who don't cook) and often terrible bathrooms, too (intended for people who don't shower?). The low quality of most of the rentals available (at my price point, anyway) has been what pushed me into home ownership before and will again.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:07 AM on September 1, 2021 [14 favorites]
Reading that, I was reminded of the critiques she makes of the McMansion houses. Yes, they are ugly, but they are specifically designed and bought for a certain kind of easy living -- lots of space to spread out across different rooms, enough space to be able to have guests without having them sandwiched on top of your own private messy living space, private yard so no need to negotiate public spaces, etc. I guess I'm saying that in addition to being aesthetic and ecological disasters, the McMansions are meeting a need that people have and that she (albeit with different priorities and at a different life stage) shares, and it would be good if in the site's future McMansion critiques she was able to bring that empathy and connection.
I really appreciated all the descriptions of terrible apartment kitchens. I'm in a nice apartment now, with a pretty decent kitchen, and it still frustrates me to no end. Most of the places I've ever rented had genuinely terrible kitchens (intended for people who don't cook) and often terrible bathrooms, too (intended for people who don't shower?). The low quality of most of the rentals available (at my price point, anyway) has been what pushed me into home ownership before and will again.
posted by Dip Flash at 7:07 AM on September 1, 2021 [14 favorites]
“but I hate the pressure to have to perform taste in the most intimate of one’s settings”
Over the last decade, an entire building style I've come to think of as "millennial vitrine" has appeared around DC - apartments fronted with huge, floor-to-ceiling windows (example) looking directly into the living rooms. They seem purpose-built for what she's objecting to here.
posted by ryanshepard at 7:10 AM on September 1, 2021 [13 favorites]
Over the last decade, an entire building style I've come to think of as "millennial vitrine" has appeared around DC - apartments fronted with huge, floor-to-ceiling windows (example) looking directly into the living rooms. They seem purpose-built for what she's objecting to here.
posted by ryanshepard at 7:10 AM on September 1, 2021 [13 favorites]
I've spent my entire life living in charming, but dysfunctional apartments (and my childhood beforehand living in charming, but dysfunctional old houses). Most of them were fundamentally too crappy to be the kind she described. They were more like "gorgeous, built in 1925 with big windows and and courtyards whatever, but quite possibly never repaired since the Roosevelt administration." * I loved them and got used to oddities of continual compromise and barely functional workarounds. I always figured I'd live in a place like that forever, that when I finally bought a home, it would be one with french doors to the living room but, like, a giant hole in the kitchen ceiling that I tacked string lights into because I'd never get around to fixing it.
I ended up buying a boring 1991 surburban eighteen months ago. It is the architectural equivalent of a beige sofa. So forgettable that I even struggle to recall what color the house is. I don't think the style suits me, particularly, or my stuff. It looks nothing like any place I imagined, or even wanted, to end up living. For the first two weeks here, I felt like I was staying with a distant relative. But, like, the kitchen works and the ceilings work and there isn't a basement that's always flooded and the ivy isn't literally growing through the bedroom window. Best of all, when I set the thermostat on a temperature, it's not just a wish and a shadow of warmth above a damp and chilly draft, but like "Whoa, central heat is kind of a miracle." And I could/can decorate. Remodeling for purely aesthetic reasons is less onerous than, like, replacing the roof, the plumbing, the crumbling foundations, entire electrical system." So while I still wake up sometimes and miss the cramped, ramshackle bungalows, the perennially unfinished restorations, and charming, frigid/infernal tenements with flair of my youth, there is something to be said for living somewhere comfortable. And in a year like this year, where I have spent more time at home than I have ever spent in any home, that comfortable "things mostly work" cannot be overstated.
This was a fantastic piece.
*This gorgeously dilapidated apartments was just a few short blocks from that pictured Victorian House the author mentions on S. Mendenhall in Greensboro.
posted by thivaia at 7:13 AM on September 1, 2021 [18 favorites]
I ended up buying a boring 1991 surburban eighteen months ago. It is the architectural equivalent of a beige sofa. So forgettable that I even struggle to recall what color the house is. I don't think the style suits me, particularly, or my stuff. It looks nothing like any place I imagined, or even wanted, to end up living. For the first two weeks here, I felt like I was staying with a distant relative. But, like, the kitchen works and the ceilings work and there isn't a basement that's always flooded and the ivy isn't literally growing through the bedroom window. Best of all, when I set the thermostat on a temperature, it's not just a wish and a shadow of warmth above a damp and chilly draft, but like "Whoa, central heat is kind of a miracle." And I could/can decorate. Remodeling for purely aesthetic reasons is less onerous than, like, replacing the roof, the plumbing, the crumbling foundations, entire electrical system." So while I still wake up sometimes and miss the cramped, ramshackle bungalows, the perennially unfinished restorations, and charming, frigid/infernal tenements with flair of my youth, there is something to be said for living somewhere comfortable. And in a year like this year, where I have spent more time at home than I have ever spent in any home, that comfortable "things mostly work" cannot be overstated.
This was a fantastic piece.
*This gorgeously dilapidated apartments was just a few short blocks from that pictured Victorian House the author mentions on S. Mendenhall in Greensboro.
posted by thivaia at 7:13 AM on September 1, 2021 [18 favorites]
"Having moved almost as much as the author, and even bought and sold a few times, a marble countertop is near enough to the car salesman's first question being "what color would you like".
I find that a sensible question. The wrong engine or transmission or seats can be replaced far more cheaply and with far more reliable results than the wrong color can be repainted.
(Caveat: I've never bought a new car and don't really know how to shop for one, but I'll definitely cross state lines to find the right color of used car.)
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 7:28 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
I find that a sensible question. The wrong engine or transmission or seats can be replaced far more cheaply and with far more reliable results than the wrong color can be repainted.
(Caveat: I've never bought a new car and don't really know how to shop for one, but I'll definitely cross state lines to find the right color of used car.)
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 7:28 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
A home being in good repair; a home being solidly built of quality materials; and a home designed for actual easy living are not the same concepts.
I think many people could live easily in a 1910s Craftsman layout with a big fireplaced living room flowing into a dining room which flows into a compact kitchen. (I realize I’m in the minority in hating giant open kitchens though). They may choose to add a second bathroom or powder room, or perhaps enlarge a bedroom or closet, but the room flow is basically sound in terms of modern life. And for earlier layouts, pocket doors look better and better in terms of pandemic zoom meetings!
posted by Hypatia at 7:34 AM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
I think many people could live easily in a 1910s Craftsman layout with a big fireplaced living room flowing into a dining room which flows into a compact kitchen. (I realize I’m in the minority in hating giant open kitchens though). They may choose to add a second bathroom or powder room, or perhaps enlarge a bedroom or closet, but the room flow is basically sound in terms of modern life. And for earlier layouts, pocket doors look better and better in terms of pandemic zoom meetings!
posted by Hypatia at 7:34 AM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
Yeah. I lived in old apartments and old houses for forever. Our last house was built in 1911 and had the most beautiful fireplace you have ever seen. AND IT STILL WORKED. Unfortunately, all the wood built ins and chiseled stone fireplaces in the world won't make a bathroom larger or a kitchen flow better. Nor will it do anything about the heating and cooling that were more of a gesture than an actual event. And plaster? Yeah, I hope you like where the lady who lived here in 1911 chose to hang her pictures, cause no one else has been able to successfully drive a nail into a wall since then. Add in no office space and those beautiful plaster walls making wifi unreliable anywhere but near the router and a bedroom ceiling that is 6'10" for a 6'9" husband and you've got a nightmare to live in during a pandemic.
So we bought a new place in the burbs that was built in our adult lifetimes (1997) and marveled at the functionality of the place. Windows open and close and keep out noise and weather. The husband doesn't hit is head anywhere. At all. The kitchen is a dream, the bathtub actually lets you soak and the shower....oh god...the shower. You can wash everything and no curtain or wall touches you. We can hang pictures and shelves anywhere thanks to the glory that is drywall.
But I'll be honest, I miss that fireplace. That's about it. But the three gas fireplaces here that can be turned on with Alexa is pretty freaking awesome. I can run a fire for a few minutes and then turn it off and walk the dog.
posted by teleri025 at 7:34 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
So we bought a new place in the burbs that was built in our adult lifetimes (1997) and marveled at the functionality of the place. Windows open and close and keep out noise and weather. The husband doesn't hit is head anywhere. At all. The kitchen is a dream, the bathtub actually lets you soak and the shower....oh god...the shower. You can wash everything and no curtain or wall touches you. We can hang pictures and shelves anywhere thanks to the glory that is drywall.
But I'll be honest, I miss that fireplace. That's about it. But the three gas fireplaces here that can be turned on with Alexa is pretty freaking awesome. I can run a fire for a few minutes and then turn it off and walk the dog.
posted by teleri025 at 7:34 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
The shower head, the kitchen sink that fell in two times somehow (which we had been accused of being rough with, an absurd thought – it’s a kitchen sink!), .
It sounds like the place was poorly redone. I've never heard of a sink 'falling in'. I'm assuming that it is an undermount sink and the construction crew didn't install it properly, or seal the marble countertops. I can't imagine that a sink 'falling in' would be good for the plumbing. The way she describes the kitchen sounds like the guy designed it himself.
BTW, I live in a home built in 1970, a shade under 2000 sq ft on the first floor, and when we purchased it, there was no closet you could put a vacuum cleaner in, unless you put it in the tiny pantry or a bedroom closet.
Our house was always just for our consumption, not that of others.
I'm with you DipFlash. This is a crappy comment to make when you have built your career out of judging other people's mostly aesthetic tastes.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
It sounds like the place was poorly redone. I've never heard of a sink 'falling in'. I'm assuming that it is an undermount sink and the construction crew didn't install it properly, or seal the marble countertops. I can't imagine that a sink 'falling in' would be good for the plumbing. The way she describes the kitchen sounds like the guy designed it himself.
BTW, I live in a home built in 1970, a shade under 2000 sq ft on the first floor, and when we purchased it, there was no closet you could put a vacuum cleaner in, unless you put it in the tiny pantry or a bedroom closet.
Our house was always just for our consumption, not that of others.
I'm with you DipFlash. This is a crappy comment to make when you have built your career out of judging other people's mostly aesthetic tastes.
posted by The_Vegetables at 7:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
now for someone to come along and inhabit the article with a similar, critical eye (must she italicize so frequently, etc)
posted by elkevelvet at 7:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by elkevelvet at 7:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
The last time I was somewhere people were complaining that they couldn’t drive nails in the plaster to hang posters, the entire space in question had an OG picture rail in perfect condition. I went and got a handful of picture rail hangers and used my set as a demo and left the rest around.
I bet they’re still not being used.
Not every place with plaster has the same, it was just funny. And better plaster you can’t drive a nail into than plaster you drive a nail into easily and the whole chunk comes down! Seconding what everyone said above about the big difference between old-and-maintained and old-and-crumbling. Not-quite-new-and-crumbling is terrible too with less excuse.
Another big difference between old houses - who were they built for? Like new ones, rich people had big closets. Rooms, actually. Sometimes we don’t notice that because the dressing rooms were so big they had windows - most of those have probably been converted into en-suite bathrooms, the truly modern luxury.
posted by clew at 7:48 AM on September 1, 2021 [13 favorites]
I bet they’re still not being used.
Not every place with plaster has the same, it was just funny. And better plaster you can’t drive a nail into than plaster you drive a nail into easily and the whole chunk comes down! Seconding what everyone said above about the big difference between old-and-maintained and old-and-crumbling. Not-quite-new-and-crumbling is terrible too with less excuse.
Another big difference between old houses - who were they built for? Like new ones, rich people had big closets. Rooms, actually. Sometimes we don’t notice that because the dressing rooms were so big they had windows - most of those have probably been converted into en-suite bathrooms, the truly modern luxury.
posted by clew at 7:48 AM on September 1, 2021 [13 favorites]
"millennial vitrine"
What a perfect description. My city is full of identical-looking architect-designed modern box houses. They all have fish tank facades with zero privacy, and any surface not glass is covered in random industrial-look finishes. They all look like some fish tanks and a pile of shipping containers and pallets got caught in a teleporter accident.
The one that boggles me the most is covered in Coreten steel panels and gratings on every surface without glass, and just DRIPS rust everywhere. Looks like something from Star Wars, on one of the bad junk planets full of crime lords or whatever that everyone is trying to escape from, plunked right into an old neighbourhood full of century homes.
posted by fimbulvetr at 7:48 AM on September 1, 2021 [14 favorites]
What a perfect description. My city is full of identical-looking architect-designed modern box houses. They all have fish tank facades with zero privacy, and any surface not glass is covered in random industrial-look finishes. They all look like some fish tanks and a pile of shipping containers and pallets got caught in a teleporter accident.
The one that boggles me the most is covered in Coreten steel panels and gratings on every surface without glass, and just DRIPS rust everywhere. Looks like something from Star Wars, on one of the bad junk planets full of crime lords or whatever that everyone is trying to escape from, plunked right into an old neighbourhood full of century homes.
posted by fimbulvetr at 7:48 AM on September 1, 2021 [14 favorites]
I've never had one that was likely to want to swing by
For me, the strangest thing about the article is that this is not prohibited by law.
In my jurisdiction, under normal circumstances, the law permitts the landlord to enter your apartment once annually, with prior written notice given days in advance.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:54 AM on September 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
For me, the strangest thing about the article is that this is not prohibited by law.
In my jurisdiction, under normal circumstances, the law permitts the landlord to enter your apartment once annually, with prior written notice given days in advance.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 7:54 AM on September 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
I am such a sucker for kitchens with marble countertops, even though our kitchen is a workhorse and I know that I could never ever have one. But the me I am on the inside would love one and falls for them every time - they're just so Nancy Meyers beautiful (even though I'd bet that Meyers never used a marble countertop either - even she knows). But I have to agree with SoberHighland about cabinets to the ceiling - we actually have two sets of cabinets, stacked (more used below, less used above) - who wants to dust empty space or decorative bowls or whatever up top when you can have storage, especially in an apartment? While Wagner makes fantastic arguments about why her previous kitchen (and most apartment kitchens) are lousy for cooking in, I'm not convinced that Wagner actually cooks all that much (not judging!). You can never have enough storage in the kitchen.
Tangentially related, I read this yesterday and it's giving me so many Opinions, "In the Kitchens of the Rich, Good Luck Finding the Ice" [NYT]
posted by Mchelly at 7:55 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
Tangentially related, I read this yesterday and it's giving me so many Opinions, "In the Kitchens of the Rich, Good Luck Finding the Ice" [NYT]
posted by Mchelly at 7:55 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
Her profession is obviously a curse when it comes to analyzing her living spaces
It's probably not helpful, but it wouldn't surprise me if her tendency to analyze may have helped guide her towards her profession.
My mom, a nurse, could always tell you how any place we lived could have been designed to be more functional (and nice looking). She also liked going to the Parade of Homes to either tsk tsk at poorly designed kitchens that were clearly meant for show (not the same kind of problems our own living space had, other end of the financial spectrum) and not for use by people who actually cook for themselves. Occasionally she'd find a place that was designed for living.
She's also practical, so she'd make do in our homes, only occasionally muttering at some inefficiency when it interfered with whatever she was doing. But of you asked her what she'd do to a place if money wasn't a concern, she'd definitely be able to provide a detailed description right off the bad. And once we kids were out of the house and they saved enough money, she started renovating. It's an old house, so you're frequently stuck making do with what you can. But at least it's a compromise she picked.
posted by ghost phoneme at 7:56 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
It's probably not helpful, but it wouldn't surprise me if her tendency to analyze may have helped guide her towards her profession.
My mom, a nurse, could always tell you how any place we lived could have been designed to be more functional (and nice looking). She also liked going to the Parade of Homes to either tsk tsk at poorly designed kitchens that were clearly meant for show (not the same kind of problems our own living space had, other end of the financial spectrum) and not for use by people who actually cook for themselves. Occasionally she'd find a place that was designed for living.
She's also practical, so she'd make do in our homes, only occasionally muttering at some inefficiency when it interfered with whatever she was doing. But of you asked her what she'd do to a place if money wasn't a concern, she'd definitely be able to provide a detailed description right off the bad. And once we kids were out of the house and they saved enough money, she started renovating. It's an old house, so you're frequently stuck making do with what you can. But at least it's a compromise she picked.
posted by ghost phoneme at 7:56 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
I love the label "millennial vitrines" too. Sometimes also referred to as "Apple stores."
posted by PhineasGage at 8:04 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by PhineasGage at 8:04 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
> What's the point of a void space at the top of kitchen cabinets?
I agree that this void is mostly a PITA place for dust to collect, but my wife and I moved our liquor bottles up there* because it looks nice and getting up on a little footstool to retrieve them makes me feel like I'm in one of those fancy bars where they have a ladder on a rail they use to retrieve the 100 year old cognac.
* we rent, so we can't replace the cabinets
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:08 AM on September 1, 2021 [15 favorites]
I agree that this void is mostly a PITA place for dust to collect, but my wife and I moved our liquor bottles up there* because it looks nice and getting up on a little footstool to retrieve them makes me feel like I'm in one of those fancy bars where they have a ladder on a rail they use to retrieve the 100 year old cognac.
* we rent, so we can't replace the cabinets
posted by The Card Cheat at 8:08 AM on September 1, 2021 [15 favorites]
Fun of old houses:
We replaced 2 bathrooms simultaneously across the pandemic because (1) the house is old and when the piping in the upper one failed, it failed into the lower one. (2) we don't believe in patching over problems, so when we found copper to pvc to cast back to copper back to cast back to pvc down to cast and out and the 'fail' was in the copper (not going to say which one - because it doesn't matter - the real fail was in it not being replaced as one congruent line out). We vented both rooms, installed fans (for the first time in one room) and replaced the joists and built a new subfloor for upstairs because it was 5 different floors up there AND with all that plumbing rework it was swiss cheese with all the aforementioned 'fixes' that had been done in the past.
So yeah... we did it right, because old and hackney is painful later on... there's even a wire run up to the attic - because in a few years... the knob and tube goes because I'd like to be able to run the AC and the lights at the same time on the 2nd floor. But we own... there is no incentive for a landlord to do it right. And people rent with their eyes, not with their wok on high heat and a cooler filled with bits of fish... because until you do something high heat and ventilation required - you won't know the problems with the kitchen...
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:09 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
We replaced 2 bathrooms simultaneously across the pandemic because (1) the house is old and when the piping in the upper one failed, it failed into the lower one. (2) we don't believe in patching over problems, so when we found copper to pvc to cast back to copper back to cast back to pvc down to cast and out and the 'fail' was in the copper (not going to say which one - because it doesn't matter - the real fail was in it not being replaced as one congruent line out). We vented both rooms, installed fans (for the first time in one room) and replaced the joists and built a new subfloor for upstairs because it was 5 different floors up there AND with all that plumbing rework it was swiss cheese with all the aforementioned 'fixes' that had been done in the past.
So yeah... we did it right, because old and hackney is painful later on... there's even a wire run up to the attic - because in a few years... the knob and tube goes because I'd like to be able to run the AC and the lights at the same time on the 2nd floor. But we own... there is no incentive for a landlord to do it right. And people rent with their eyes, not with their wok on high heat and a cooler filled with bits of fish... because until you do something high heat and ventilation required - you won't know the problems with the kitchen...
posted by Nanukthedog at 8:09 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
I hesitated a long time before trading in my tiny sliver of an early 20C townhouse, with its exposed brick and four different ceiling heights (all high), for a brand-new two-white-box apartment, and aesthetically it still hurts. The clincher was the kitchen. It's not fantastic, but it was ever so clearly the best kitchen I would ever have without upgrading to an apartment with twice the rent. I'm not a huge cook but even basic functionality was preferable to the wee alcove in my old place. Obviously, very glad to have it in pandemic conditions.
My family lived for a very long time in a semi-rehabbed early 20C apartment building. The apartment itself had had some dubious late 70s renovations done (you know, that shit-brown plywood (?) for doors), but still had moldings and relatively high ceilings and a clawfoot bathtub in one of the bathrooms. It took quite a while to pry my mom out of it when the time came, but I told her that once she had things like hot water that actually flowed on demand and reliable power (and ceilings less inclined to cave in) she would come to enjoy a modern apartment. I was right, she did. The blandness still discomfits me when I visit, though.
It sounds like a lot of the problems in the original piece stemmed from (in addition to superficially attractive but incompetent renovations) an intrusive landlord who was reluctant to relinquish control of the space. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that that apartment had a steady turnover of tenants who didn't care for random landlord incursions to judge soap placement in the kitchen.
posted by praemunire at 8:11 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
My family lived for a very long time in a semi-rehabbed early 20C apartment building. The apartment itself had had some dubious late 70s renovations done (you know, that shit-brown plywood (?) for doors), but still had moldings and relatively high ceilings and a clawfoot bathtub in one of the bathrooms. It took quite a while to pry my mom out of it when the time came, but I told her that once she had things like hot water that actually flowed on demand and reliable power (and ceilings less inclined to cave in) she would come to enjoy a modern apartment. I was right, she did. The blandness still discomfits me when I visit, though.
It sounds like a lot of the problems in the original piece stemmed from (in addition to superficially attractive but incompetent renovations) an intrusive landlord who was reluctant to relinquish control of the space. I wouldn't be surprised to hear that that apartment had a steady turnover of tenants who didn't care for random landlord incursions to judge soap placement in the kitchen.
posted by praemunire at 8:11 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
My husband and I love to go look at (and judge) the model homes in extremely-high-end subdivisions (homes starting in the 2 millions). It's astonishing to me that a key feature in almost all of these is a giant gorgeous show kitchen (often with an island that is two entire slabs of stone across), and then immediately off the show kitchen, an entire second kitchen that is actually meant to be used. I have even seen a smaller, third kitchen closed off by glass, intended for cooking smellier foods.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 8:19 AM on September 1, 2021 [18 favorites]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 8:19 AM on September 1, 2021 [18 favorites]
I really felt the part about apartment kitchens. My place has a kitchen fit only for ordering pizza.
Oh yeah, I lived in that building too. I could place my hands on the east and west walls of the kitchen and then turn sideways and do the same on the north and south walls. I wouldn't even have to stretch.
My microwave initially went on the countertop but then I realized that it took up essentially all the counter space in the kitchen, so it was relocated to the top of the refrigerator.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:23 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
Oh yeah, I lived in that building too. I could place my hands on the east and west walls of the kitchen and then turn sideways and do the same on the north and south walls. I wouldn't even have to stretch.
My microwave initially went on the countertop but then I realized that it took up essentially all the counter space in the kitchen, so it was relocated to the top of the refrigerator.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:23 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
I think many people could live easily in a 1910s Craftsman layout with a big fireplaced living room flowing into a dining room which flows into a compact kitchen.
Oh man. I had a Craftsman bungalow. Cooking something that gets smokey? Just shut the kitchen door.
posted by hwyengr at 8:26 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
Oh man. I had a Craftsman bungalow. Cooking something that gets smokey? Just shut the kitchen door.
posted by hwyengr at 8:26 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
Design is not in opposition to functionality, design is functionality. There are a some designers and architects who don't get that.
My wife works with a print designer who doesn't get this. Asked to put together an identity package, he comes up with something that can't be reproduced effectively in black-and-white and depends on some expensive printing techniques. For a non-profit. He is not solving a problem for the non-profit, he is creating a personal artistic statement and foisting that on the non-profit.
There are a couple of personal-project architect houses in my area. One of them took 20+ years to complete. The other one, my wife and I looked at when we were house-shopping. The interior was half-finished and everything about it was bonkers. We still use it as a landmark, referring to it as the "crazy architect house." The fact that the apartment was an architect's personal project seems of a piece with this.
posted by adamrice at 8:27 AM on September 1, 2021 [15 favorites]
My wife works with a print designer who doesn't get this. Asked to put together an identity package, he comes up with something that can't be reproduced effectively in black-and-white and depends on some expensive printing techniques. For a non-profit. He is not solving a problem for the non-profit, he is creating a personal artistic statement and foisting that on the non-profit.
There are a couple of personal-project architect houses in my area. One of them took 20+ years to complete. The other one, my wife and I looked at when we were house-shopping. The interior was half-finished and everything about it was bonkers. We still use it as a landmark, referring to it as the "crazy architect house." The fact that the apartment was an architect's personal project seems of a piece with this.
posted by adamrice at 8:27 AM on September 1, 2021 [15 favorites]
people rent with their eyes
And pocketbook. And frequently within a limited timeframe. And ears. My main goal when finding a rental was to not feel like I was living with an extra roommate. Like the author, after leaving home for college I've never lived on one place for more than 2 years.
I know a rental isn't going to be my forever home. So after pruning for what I can reasonably afford, I look to see if I will be be able to mostly function ok, not hear too much of the neighbors, and have it look nice.
posted by ghost phoneme at 8:34 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
And pocketbook. And frequently within a limited timeframe. And ears. My main goal when finding a rental was to not feel like I was living with an extra roommate. Like the author, after leaving home for college I've never lived on one place for more than 2 years.
I know a rental isn't going to be my forever home. So after pruning for what I can reasonably afford, I look to see if I will be be able to mostly function ok, not hear too much of the neighbors, and have it look nice.
posted by ghost phoneme at 8:34 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
It could be worse, it could have been designed by Ludwig Mies van der Rohe:
“A window used to crack once or twice a year,” says head of the gallery Joachim Jäger, standing beneath the five-metre-wide panes that enclose the main hall. “We could never find the same glass to replace them. And the doors were far too small to bring large artworks inside – Mies had no idea what the space would be used for.” He lists a litany of practical problems with the vast hangar, from puddles of water forming in the gallery owing to the condensation to the lack of walls to display artwork. Not that any of this would have much bothered Mies.
posted by Lanark at 8:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
“A window used to crack once or twice a year,” says head of the gallery Joachim Jäger, standing beneath the five-metre-wide panes that enclose the main hall. “We could never find the same glass to replace them. And the doors were far too small to bring large artworks inside – Mies had no idea what the space would be used for.” He lists a litany of practical problems with the vast hangar, from puddles of water forming in the gallery owing to the condensation to the lack of walls to display artwork. Not that any of this would have much bothered Mies.
posted by Lanark at 8:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
In my mind modern apartments and houses are like modern trucks. Built for profit and projection more than function and in the end deleterious to the rest of the world for their excess.
posted by Ferreous at 8:36 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 8:36 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
Great article. We have an architect designed ‘57 midcentury house and it is build like a tank. A few years back we redid the kitchen. MCM houses are amazing but the kitchens were crap and not designed for how people entertain and live today. We removed the walls (we have really high arched ceilings) and went to an open plan which is actually what the architect wanted but it was too weird at the time. We gathered and measured all our appliances and sorted but how often they were used and then designed all of the cabinetry with that in mind. So lots of pull-out drawers and hidden compartments. We cook and preserve a lot so our kitchen is all about function. We love it.
But, and this is the but, all of this is considered the ultimate sin by the MCM purists in town. How could we get rid of that vintage tiny stove that didn’t actually work? The audacity! Architectural purists are the worst. While I understand wanting to preserve something most of us don’t want to live in a museum the same way we don’t want to live in a design magazine spread. Just needed to vent.
posted by misterpatrick at 8:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [19 favorites]
But, and this is the but, all of this is considered the ultimate sin by the MCM purists in town. How could we get rid of that vintage tiny stove that didn’t actually work? The audacity! Architectural purists are the worst. While I understand wanting to preserve something most of us don’t want to live in a museum the same way we don’t want to live in a design magazine spread. Just needed to vent.
posted by misterpatrick at 8:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [19 favorites]
I used to love looking at McMansion Hell, but I’m having trouble with the vagueness of the examples in the essay that are being used to draw conclusions. The impression I get is that their landlord was constantly there, telling them to move the soap and their bicycles? What does it mean, precisely, to “fuss” over “stuff” on the back porch? Was it a shared porch? Was the stuff trash likely to attract critters? Did the landlord actually use the term “living material “ to refer to the countertop and is she implying this is stupid? Or did he not use the term but she is kind of implying he did because she wants to emphasize how ridiculous he was? How did the sink fall in? That doesn’t seem like a design flaw but a plumbing installation flaw. Etc. Maybe I have no frame of reference because I’ve always lived in either blandly functional 20th century places or really old places without modern makeovers, but it seems like she is trying to get way more literary mileage out of a cheaply renovated apartment and incompatible landlord than is actually there.
posted by acantha at 8:45 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by acantha at 8:45 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
The whole thesis is that it's built to look pretty, not to be lived in. A counter you need to worry about leaving soap on is a pain in the ass. It's literary mileage because glossy empty makeovers with huge premiums attached to them are the standard.
posted by Ferreous at 8:50 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 8:50 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
One of the biggest things I had to get used to in my new apartment was the kitchen - it's smaller than my old kitchen, with less counter space, fewer cabinets, and a smaller fridge and freezer. I downsized my dishes and cooking stuff a shit-ton and we still had to buy a big-ass Ikea shelf system and put it around the corner in the living room to be able to fit everything.
But I gotta ask - those of you who like the marble top counters, how on earth do you COOK with that thing? I actually like the cheap stuff for the countertops - as long as I can clean it, I'm okay, because the expensive stuff you have to be CAREFUL around, and that just plain wouldn't work with my freewheeling, hell-for-leather cooking style. I make huge and glorious messes when I cook, and a marble countertop would freak the holy hell out of me.
I also prefer old and beat-up kitchen tables (when I can have a kitchen table) for that same reason. I want a kitchen where people don't feel like they've ruined the aesthetic if they spill some egg on the table or something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:50 AM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
But I gotta ask - those of you who like the marble top counters, how on earth do you COOK with that thing? I actually like the cheap stuff for the countertops - as long as I can clean it, I'm okay, because the expensive stuff you have to be CAREFUL around, and that just plain wouldn't work with my freewheeling, hell-for-leather cooking style. I make huge and glorious messes when I cook, and a marble countertop would freak the holy hell out of me.
I also prefer old and beat-up kitchen tables (when I can have a kitchen table) for that same reason. I want a kitchen where people don't feel like they've ruined the aesthetic if they spill some egg on the table or something.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:50 AM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment that was built in 1912. The details were astounding: the walls were gently curved, each window was a non-standard appropriate size, even the radiators were ornate and decorated. There was a separate dining room with a brass disc on the floor where somebody had removed the foot pedal to summon a servant. The apartment was designed so the windows at each end of the apartment could catch the breeze from the lake.
The kitchen was tiny and probably not intended to be cooked in by the occupant. There were so few electrical plugs that a visitor asked us if there was a place to charge his phone and we had to unplug something else. Rumor had it that ever opening a wall would reveal hazardous knob and tube wiring and result in at least $50,000 worth of work. Somebody told me there were live gas lines in the walls from an era before electric lighting.
Now I live in a modern house, and no, the entry lamp isn't wrought iron and shaped like a flower, and the entry way isn't marble ... but there's electricity all over the place, an en-suite bathroom with storage for more than a toothbrush, central air conditioning.
posted by Comrade_robot at 8:52 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
The kitchen was tiny and probably not intended to be cooked in by the occupant. There were so few electrical plugs that a visitor asked us if there was a place to charge his phone and we had to unplug something else. Rumor had it that ever opening a wall would reveal hazardous knob and tube wiring and result in at least $50,000 worth of work. Somebody told me there were live gas lines in the walls from an era before electric lighting.
Now I live in a modern house, and no, the entry lamp isn't wrought iron and shaped like a flower, and the entry way isn't marble ... but there's electricity all over the place, an en-suite bathroom with storage for more than a toothbrush, central air conditioning.
posted by Comrade_robot at 8:52 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
Other downside of marble (and old ceramic sinks) very good at breaking dishes/glasses from short drops.
posted by Ferreous at 8:55 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 8:55 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
One thing we did before our remodel is get a piece of the cultured stone (ie manufactured) countertop we wanted and dumped a bunch of turmeric and red wine on it to see how it would hold up. Babying a countertop is just dumb.
posted by misterpatrick at 8:57 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
posted by misterpatrick at 8:57 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
Babying a countertop is for people who want a display kitchen or have a deep sickness in them. I cook in my kitchen and shit gets on the counter, I don't see how you pan fry food, process tomatoes, make curries etc without getting shit all over the counter.
posted by Ferreous at 9:02 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 9:02 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
A couple quick stories: Wife and I were looking for a condo in Chicago. Saw a place, 2nd floor, in an old 1910-era gray stone building, in a residential neighborhood on the north side. When we entered the foyer, we noticed a chlorine smell, but nothing terrible. We walked up, entered the living room—beautiful unpainted woodwork, original wood flooring along with a big hot tub/Jacuzzi type thing. In the living room, adjacent to the dining room. We had a laugh and kept looking.
We saw another unit in a very similar building. This one had a fireplace, which someone had surrounded with glass block, backed with neon tubes. I looked—it was actual neon lighting. 2 separate switches for red and/or green neon. Must've been a Miami Vice fan back in the '80s. We passed on this one, too.
posted by SoberHighland at 9:07 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
We saw another unit in a very similar building. This one had a fireplace, which someone had surrounded with glass block, backed with neon tubes. I looked—it was actual neon lighting. 2 separate switches for red and/or green neon. Must've been a Miami Vice fan back in the '80s. We passed on this one, too.
posted by SoberHighland at 9:07 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
In my jurisdiction, under normal circumstances, the law permitts the landlord to enter your apartment once annually, with prior written notice given days in advance.
Thing is, who's gonna stop them? A lot of renters don't know their rights, and even if they do, they're not willing to risk an adverse relationship with their landlord. Even if eviction isn't on the table, they probably want to renew the lease for the next year.
If the landlord pisses off a tenant, they're out some income. If the tenant pisses off the landlord, they're out their *home*. Landlords get away with a lot of this sort of petty violation because of the inherent power imbalance.
posted by explosion at 9:09 AM on September 1, 2021 [31 favorites]
Thing is, who's gonna stop them? A lot of renters don't know their rights, and even if they do, they're not willing to risk an adverse relationship with their landlord. Even if eviction isn't on the table, they probably want to renew the lease for the next year.
If the landlord pisses off a tenant, they're out some income. If the tenant pisses off the landlord, they're out their *home*. Landlords get away with a lot of this sort of petty violation because of the inherent power imbalance.
posted by explosion at 9:09 AM on September 1, 2021 [31 favorites]
I moved around a lot between 20 and 40s before settling into a condo in a building that was built in the 1910s. In my late 30s, I spent about five years living in a small and dilapidated one bedroom that had gorgeous southeast facing windows with 10 ft ceilings that always looked magical in the sunrise light, a generous back deck that was basically my dining room in the summer and it sat in a very walkable neighborhood, but the bathroom was an afterthought that froze in the winter due to poor insulation and the kitchen was, shall we say ... open to the vision of the tenant.
It had a fridge, a stove (with an oven that also acted as the only source of heat for the apartment), a sink and one cabinet over the sink as the sole piece of built in storage. No counters. No cabinets. My landlord generously offered to compensate me for up to $150 if I wanted to buy a bar cart from Target or Ikea.
Fortunately, as I'd been living in apartment for the last couple of decades at this point, I had acquired a decent array of modular Metro shelving. So I had a butcher block that doubled as a bar height dinner table, and just leaned into having more bins and canisters to hold pantry and food items. Of course grease, got on everything. Of course, there's the ever present risk that tipping over a jar of spices would tumble into a collection of boxed pasta that would cascade into a spill all over the stacked pans that I had on the bottom shelf. But, you know, such messes are keeping with the bohemian character of the place. And 10 ft ceilings!
I kept my bikes in the office/side room but they would often live in the living room if I knew that I was coming in and out often, and similarly I learned to make every room do multiple jobs. Make a meal in the kitchen and then clean off the butcher block to make a dining table. The living room could be a guest bedroom or project space. The back deck was a hot weather dining room and open air bike workshop. The side room was an office and a walk in closet. The apartment wasn't perfect, and I was glad to move in to a bigger place with a new girlfriend who would later become my wife, but as a singleton, it was about as nice a place as I could have hoped for, and knowing that I was lucky to have scored it went a long way towards making me have peace with its inefficiencies.
But, now I'm glad not to have open shelves. And my dishes are glad not to need washing even when they're just sitting around unused.
posted by bl1nk at 9:13 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
It had a fridge, a stove (with an oven that also acted as the only source of heat for the apartment), a sink and one cabinet over the sink as the sole piece of built in storage. No counters. No cabinets. My landlord generously offered to compensate me for up to $150 if I wanted to buy a bar cart from Target or Ikea.
Fortunately, as I'd been living in apartment for the last couple of decades at this point, I had acquired a decent array of modular Metro shelving. So I had a butcher block that doubled as a bar height dinner table, and just leaned into having more bins and canisters to hold pantry and food items. Of course grease, got on everything. Of course, there's the ever present risk that tipping over a jar of spices would tumble into a collection of boxed pasta that would cascade into a spill all over the stacked pans that I had on the bottom shelf. But, you know, such messes are keeping with the bohemian character of the place. And 10 ft ceilings!
I kept my bikes in the office/side room but they would often live in the living room if I knew that I was coming in and out often, and similarly I learned to make every room do multiple jobs. Make a meal in the kitchen and then clean off the butcher block to make a dining table. The living room could be a guest bedroom or project space. The back deck was a hot weather dining room and open air bike workshop. The side room was an office and a walk in closet. The apartment wasn't perfect, and I was glad to move in to a bigger place with a new girlfriend who would later become my wife, but as a singleton, it was about as nice a place as I could have hoped for, and knowing that I was lucky to have scored it went a long way towards making me have peace with its inefficiencies.
But, now I'm glad not to have open shelves. And my dishes are glad not to need washing even when they're just sitting around unused.
posted by bl1nk at 9:13 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
But I gotta ask - those of you who like the marble top counters, how on earth do you COOK with that thing?
You seal them - you have to do it once or twice a year. Some spray you buy at a home improvement store. About the same effort as cleaning them.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:25 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
You seal them - you have to do it once or twice a year. Some spray you buy at a home improvement store. About the same effort as cleaning them.
posted by The_Vegetables at 9:25 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Chiming in in praise of open shelving for neurodivergent people like me who forget about things they don't see or use regularly, and who hate rummaging around dark cabinets to find things.
Also, cabinets are typically the ugliest thing about a kitchen, although lovely AND well designed cabinets do exist.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 9:30 AM on September 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
Also, cabinets are typically the ugliest thing about a kitchen, although lovely AND well designed cabinets do exist.
posted by Sheydem-tants at 9:30 AM on September 1, 2021 [9 favorites]
One way to tell if a designer doesn't actually think about how a kitchen will be used is if you see all stainless steel facings, which are impossible to keep clean of fingerprints. And one way to tell if a homeowner doesn't actually use a kitchen for cooking is if you see a collection of pretty bottles of cooking oils right next to the stove, where the heat would quickly break down the oil - if the stove were ever used.
posted by PhineasGage at 9:30 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by PhineasGage at 9:30 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
Over the last decade, an entire building style I've come to think of as "millennial vitrine" has appeared around DC - apartments fronted with huge, floor-to-ceiling windows (example) looking directly into the living rooms. They seem purpose-built for what she's objecting to here.
I guess, but on the other hand... people like having lots of natural light and window space. I don't live in such an apartment right now, but I guess I reject the implication that the ability for others to sometimes see into your common areas means an inescapable obligation to keep those areas unrealistically tidy. Speaking for myself only, I'd value the benefit as outweighing any such perceived obligation.
Whether those kinds of window setups make sense from an environmental and noise perspective -- sure, that's another story.
posted by Expecto Cilantro at 9:33 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
I guess, but on the other hand... people like having lots of natural light and window space. I don't live in such an apartment right now, but I guess I reject the implication that the ability for others to sometimes see into your common areas means an inescapable obligation to keep those areas unrealistically tidy. Speaking for myself only, I'd value the benefit as outweighing any such perceived obligation.
Whether those kinds of window setups make sense from an environmental and noise perspective -- sure, that's another story.
posted by Expecto Cilantro at 9:33 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
stainless steel facings, which are impossible to keep clean of fingerprints.
So much this. The article Mchelly linked to doesn't seem to love the idea, but this is exactly why I want a paneled fridge. I don't really care about hiding the appliance, I just don't want deal with smudges any more.
posted by ghost phoneme at 9:42 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
So much this. The article Mchelly linked to doesn't seem to love the idea, but this is exactly why I want a paneled fridge. I don't really care about hiding the appliance, I just don't want deal with smudges any more.
posted by ghost phoneme at 9:42 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
If the landlord pisses off a tenant, they're out some income. If the tenant pisses off the landlord, they're out their *home*. Landlords get away with a lot of this sort of petty violation because of the inherent power imbalance.
My building (with electrical heating) lost power in the middle of a particularly cold stretch of an Ottawa winter. After a couple of days of ever-decreasing temperatures, I contacted the city where I found myself speaking to someone who was seemingly from a Ryan George video.
The conversation went essentially thus:
“So I am in rental accommodation in Centretown and the building has had no heat for three days now so I was — “
“Oh, that can’t be right. The landlord has to provide heat.”
“Yes, but if there were no heat, then —“
“It’s not a question of ‘if,’ sir: the landlord must provide heat to the unit.”
“Let’s say they weren’t doing so.”
“Again, the landlord knows they have to provide heat.”
“Right... imagine for a moment that they were failing to do so, then how would —“
“What you’re saying is impossible, sir. They are obliged to provide heat to the units.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [43 favorites]
My building (with electrical heating) lost power in the middle of a particularly cold stretch of an Ottawa winter. After a couple of days of ever-decreasing temperatures, I contacted the city where I found myself speaking to someone who was seemingly from a Ryan George video.
The conversation went essentially thus:
“So I am in rental accommodation in Centretown and the building has had no heat for three days now so I was — “
“Oh, that can’t be right. The landlord has to provide heat.”
“Yes, but if there were no heat, then —“
“It’s not a question of ‘if,’ sir: the landlord must provide heat to the unit.”
“Let’s say they weren’t doing so.”
“Again, the landlord knows they have to provide heat.”
“Right... imagine for a moment that they were failing to do so, then how would —“
“What you’re saying is impossible, sir. They are obliged to provide heat to the units.”
posted by ricochet biscuit at 9:46 AM on September 1, 2021 [43 favorites]
!!! Did you ever get help, ricochet biscuit? How???
posted by clew at 9:56 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by clew at 9:56 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
In my pre-divorce house, we flipped the living room and the kitchen so we got to design the kitchen from scratch. We never hired a designer. We hired a master cabinet and furniture maker to build out our design. And when I say our design I mean my payout for functionality. A proper work triangle, cabinets that were functional such as the vertical one for the baking sheets, etc. Commercial appliances that worded well for a family of 3 kids all one year apart, two of whom are boys that can consume more calories in sitting than anyone I know. People would ask why the double door Traulsen refrigerator that looks like a restaurant. Well, when you go through a gallon of milk or more a day, buying 4 or 5 gallons at time made sense. Need a frig big enough for that and all the food and the cases of water. Commercial stove that each burner put out 50,000 BTUs? My preference as the primary cook. Best short order cook you know. Built in griddle and an oven large enough to cook two small turkeys on thanksgiving. The kitchen looked great too. To me, functionality comes first, then design around that.
Reading about her previous apartment was painful both from the design standpoint and the landlord. It was apparently close to transportation though! Don't underestimate that benefit.
posted by AugustWest at 10:01 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
Reading about her previous apartment was painful both from the design standpoint and the landlord. It was apparently close to transportation though! Don't underestimate that benefit.
posted by AugustWest at 10:01 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
I think this really touches on the reality of renting from small time landlords, which is that you're very much at the mercy of their quirks and preferences.
Is the landlord hands off and just wants to collect rent? Great, they won't care about what you do in the space, but good luck when leaks start to appear in the roof.
Is the landlord overly emotionally invested in the property? It's annoying that they have more of an opinion about the "right" way to use the space, but at least they'll show up to fix the broken garbage disposal.
I'll choose the landlord who promptly tears out my closet to fix a mold problem and then tells me to put damp rid in the closet in the future over the one who thinks pouring drano down the sink monthly is a reasonable way of dealing with a stopped up sink and won't spring for a plumber, even if the former comes with a side of "please don't scratch up the hundred year old floors in this house, I just had them refinished".
posted by A Blue Moon at 10:08 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Is the landlord hands off and just wants to collect rent? Great, they won't care about what you do in the space, but good luck when leaks start to appear in the roof.
Is the landlord overly emotionally invested in the property? It's annoying that they have more of an opinion about the "right" way to use the space, but at least they'll show up to fix the broken garbage disposal.
I'll choose the landlord who promptly tears out my closet to fix a mold problem and then tells me to put damp rid in the closet in the future over the one who thinks pouring drano down the sink monthly is a reasonable way of dealing with a stopped up sink and won't spring for a plumber, even if the former comes with a side of "please don't scratch up the hundred year old floors in this house, I just had them refinished".
posted by A Blue Moon at 10:08 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
What's the point of a void space at the top of kitchen cabinets?
Cats love 'em.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 10:15 AM on September 1, 2021 [21 favorites]
Cats love 'em.
posted by We had a deal, Kyle at 10:15 AM on September 1, 2021 [21 favorites]
I have even seen a smaller, third kitchen closed off by glass, intended for cooking smellier foods.
This is like something out of a Borges story.
posted by gauche at 10:18 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
This is like something out of a Borges story.
posted by gauche at 10:18 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
I sure do miss my little studio apartment in Upper Manhattan circa 1980. Rent was $300.00 a month. Tiny kitchen off the main room. And a separate bathroom of course. One smallish closet.So many layers of semi gloss white paint on the walls. But it had nice parquet flooring. You could knock on the pipe running thru the floors to tell your upstairs neighbor to quiet down. And go to sleep to the sounds of a sputtering radiator... My job...assistant to jewelry designer brought me into the homes of some pretty wealthy folk. The one that stands out lived directly across from the Met Museum on 5th Ave. The woman who lived there greeted me at the front door. She was standing in the foyer. Huge space. The foyer had all walls lined with silk fabric. She was quite a character. Very nice to me. She was sporting a huge solid gold ankh pendant....had to be 8 inches long. I so wished I could have seen the apartment proper...
posted by Czjewel at 10:21 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by Czjewel at 10:21 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
I contacted the city where I found myself speaking to someone who was seemingly from a Ryan George video.
I take it you don't mean that getting your heat turned back on was super-easy, barely an inconvenience?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:30 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
I take it you don't mean that getting your heat turned back on was super-easy, barely an inconvenience?
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:30 AM on September 1, 2021 [10 favorites]
I go back to le Corbusier's "a house is a machine for living in" whenever I encounter this sort of house where it's all too architect by half. Her criticism on this is very specific: the architect owner has designed something that works specifically for an architect with no stuff, but that doesn't work as a machine for anybody else to live in.
Our kitchen is fine, in that it has a reasonable triangle and enough counter space for prep work as long as that prep work does not require electric appliances. I will never get the 36" stove I want because it would require a renovation just to make room for it, but that's always in the back of my mind because then I could also do the necessary electric upgrades for countertop appliances. Now the "solution" for appliances consists of a couple 3' appliance extension cords going to the one outlet I can trust, and a secondary work table in an otherwise disused corner that happens to have an outlet on a different circuit. The stand mixer and food processor live on that, and I've just accepted that the easiest way to use the food processor is to leave it on its lower shelf on that work table and sit my ass on the floor.
posted by fedward at 10:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Our kitchen is fine, in that it has a reasonable triangle and enough counter space for prep work as long as that prep work does not require electric appliances. I will never get the 36" stove I want because it would require a renovation just to make room for it, but that's always in the back of my mind because then I could also do the necessary electric upgrades for countertop appliances. Now the "solution" for appliances consists of a couple 3' appliance extension cords going to the one outlet I can trust, and a secondary work table in an otherwise disused corner that happens to have an outlet on a different circuit. The stand mixer and food processor live on that, and I've just accepted that the easiest way to use the food processor is to leave it on its lower shelf on that work table and sit my ass on the floor.
posted by fedward at 10:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
I have even seen a smaller, third kitchen closed off by glass, intended for cooking smellier foods.
This is like something out of a Borges story.
posted by gauche at 10:18 AM
This comment nearly moves me to write a short story about some kind of non-euclidean, infinite kitchen, but I failed to mention that these homes were being marketed to upscale Asian buyers and it was clearly intended for use in the preparation of fermented foods like kimchi (I assume, considering that there was a built-in kimchi fridge).
(Still though, three kitchens! As a person who loves to entertain, I would use and make a mess in all three at once)
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
This is like something out of a Borges story.
posted by gauche at 10:18 AM
This comment nearly moves me to write a short story about some kind of non-euclidean, infinite kitchen, but I failed to mention that these homes were being marketed to upscale Asian buyers and it was clearly intended for use in the preparation of fermented foods like kimchi (I assume, considering that there was a built-in kimchi fridge).
(Still though, three kitchens! As a person who loves to entertain, I would use and make a mess in all three at once)
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
This comment nearly moves me to write a short story about some kind of non-euclidean, infinite kitchen, but I failed to mention that these homes were being marketed to upscale Asian buyers and it was clearly intended for use in the preparation of fermented foods like kimchi (I assume, considering that there was a built-in kimchi fridge).
You see something similar in areas catering to upscale Jewish buyers as well - separated kitchens to keep kosher.
posted by NoxAeternum at 10:41 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
You see something similar in areas catering to upscale Jewish buyers as well - separated kitchens to keep kosher.
posted by NoxAeternum at 10:41 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
You see something similar in areas catering to upscale Jewish buyers as well - separated kitchens to keep kosher.
posted by NoxAeternum at 10:41 AM
OK, if people could comment or memail me every single reason you could think of for an extra, highly-specific kitchen, I think I might write this short story after all.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:43 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by NoxAeternum at 10:41 AM
OK, if people could comment or memail me every single reason you could think of for an extra, highly-specific kitchen, I think I might write this short story after all.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:43 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
I have posted here about my current crapbox and its woes of insufficient electricity and more-than-sufficient cockroaches. But the thing is, I actually DO like it. I rented it because it IS charming, and old, but with new windows and a decent (if ancient) bathroom, and possessing fantastic closets and nice cross-breezes and lovely floors and exposures that keep the temperature stable in Chicago's ridiculously stupid weather, and surprisingly level surfaces considering it's well over 100 years old now. If I could run the microwave and trust that it would not randomly power up and down in a 30 second timeframe (!!!) I would stay for years.
But it definitely demands a certain kind of living-in. The kitchen is not conducive to daily cooking, so I do not cook. (This is fine with me!) But the kitchen can be adapted temporarily for cooking, so if I want occasionally to spend a whole day baking something, that is possible. It is not conducive to having guests or entertaining. It is not conducive to working out at home or doing regular laundry.
It is in its essence an urban apartment for a particular urban dweller, who is me: a single, unchilded, petless human in need more of a landing site than a home, with more patience than money. Which is what it sounds like the FPP writer's FancyPants Apartment was for. Which makes me wonder if I should not go get myself a FancyPants Apartment, just for the electricity.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:45 AM on September 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
But it definitely demands a certain kind of living-in. The kitchen is not conducive to daily cooking, so I do not cook. (This is fine with me!) But the kitchen can be adapted temporarily for cooking, so if I want occasionally to spend a whole day baking something, that is possible. It is not conducive to having guests or entertaining. It is not conducive to working out at home or doing regular laundry.
It is in its essence an urban apartment for a particular urban dweller, who is me: a single, unchilded, petless human in need more of a landing site than a home, with more patience than money. Which is what it sounds like the FPP writer's FancyPants Apartment was for. Which makes me wonder if I should not go get myself a FancyPants Apartment, just for the electricity.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 10:45 AM on September 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
OK, if people could comment or memail me every single reason you could think of for an extra, highly-specific kitchen, I think I might write this short story after all.
"A Kitchen For Every Seasoning"
posted by NoxAeternum at 10:45 AM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
"A Kitchen For Every Seasoning"
posted by NoxAeternum at 10:45 AM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
The top of the cabinets are where one of my cats always goes to glare at us each time we dare to move her.
This is preferable to the one apartment where there was a gap that allowed her to get into that corner dead zone under the counter. Except we didn't realize there was a a gap that would let her squeeze under there. So we thought the cat had escaped and disappeared into a high rise in the middle of downtown. For five hours. I was inconsolable. Then she trots out like nothing had happened, with tufts of fur as the only evidence that let us track down where she'd been hiding.
I assume, considering that there was a built-in kimchi fridge
Something I'd never dreamed of existing, but now must have.
The separate kitchen would also allow me to make various cabbagy things without bothering my husband.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:46 AM on September 1, 2021
This is preferable to the one apartment where there was a gap that allowed her to get into that corner dead zone under the counter. Except we didn't realize there was a a gap that would let her squeeze under there. So we thought the cat had escaped and disappeared into a high rise in the middle of downtown. For five hours. I was inconsolable. Then she trots out like nothing had happened, with tufts of fur as the only evidence that let us track down where she'd been hiding.
I assume, considering that there was a built-in kimchi fridge
Something I'd never dreamed of existing, but now must have.
The separate kitchen would also allow me to make various cabbagy things without bothering my husband.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:46 AM on September 1, 2021
The only thing I found ridiculous about the kimchi kitchen was that it was the third kitchen.
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:50 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 10:50 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
And cauliflower needs it's own fridge/kitchen. I like to eat it, but I hate having it in the fridge.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:50 AM on September 1, 2021
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:50 AM on September 1, 2021
BuddhaInABucket, two reasons for outdoor kitchens: a grilling kitchen to keep extra greasy smoky dishes from making indoors dirty; and a canning kitchen which keeps all the steam and heat outside.
posted by clew at 10:52 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by clew at 10:52 AM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Still though, three kitchens! As a person who loves to entertain, I would use and make a mess in all three at once
Our new/old farmhouse has a large kitchen we've divided by an peninsula with a Butler's counter/bar on the far wall. Normally it's a breakfast nook, but my lord is it handy for parties.
posted by bonehead at 10:54 AM on September 1, 2021
Our new/old farmhouse has a large kitchen we've divided by an peninsula with a Butler's counter/bar on the far wall. Normally it's a breakfast nook, but my lord is it handy for parties.
posted by bonehead at 10:54 AM on September 1, 2021
some kind of non-euclidean, infinite kitchen
I kind of want this.
....No, in all seriousness I think my dream kitchen would be the kitchen in my aunt's house from when I was a kid. She had a big-ass house, which puts this out of my reach for the most part, but the layout was absolutely spot-on for how I'd work -
* It was a big room, big enough to have a dine-in table in the middle that was big enough to fit ten people. There was also counter space built in along one wall with stools so people could also sit there.
* It had windows along TWO walls, so there was a ton of light.
* Two entire walls were taken up with cupboards - tucked in around windows and oven and fridge, of course, but there was a ton of storage space.
* Just off one end of the kitchen was a walk-in pantry with even more food storage and space, and its own window.
* Finally, the passage between the kitchen and the dining room was taken up with a "butler's pantry", which I am told is the name for yet another little room with a sink and a dishwasher and a small counter and more cabinet space; the idea is that you store the dishes in there, and it's an interim staging area for when you're having company in the fancy dining room and then that's where you do the dishes so the kitchen sink isn't tied up if anyone needs anything while you're working at that.
About 95% of our family holidays were spent in that house and my father and my aunt fell into a groove where they'd team up on things, and so every Thanksgiving we'd have my father carving the turkey in the butler's pantry while my aunt was in the kitchen flitting in and out of the other pantry to get what she needed to punch up all the other dishes, or then my father would start clearing the dishes and loading the dishwasher in the butler pantry while my aunt was in the kitchen getting all the pies set up, and then the breakfast the day after whatever holiday my father would man the stove in the kitchen for eggs/bacon/sausage while my aunt made the coffee and plated up the donuts Dad had just brought back from Dunkin'.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:57 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
I kind of want this.
....No, in all seriousness I think my dream kitchen would be the kitchen in my aunt's house from when I was a kid. She had a big-ass house, which puts this out of my reach for the most part, but the layout was absolutely spot-on for how I'd work -
* It was a big room, big enough to have a dine-in table in the middle that was big enough to fit ten people. There was also counter space built in along one wall with stools so people could also sit there.
* It had windows along TWO walls, so there was a ton of light.
* Two entire walls were taken up with cupboards - tucked in around windows and oven and fridge, of course, but there was a ton of storage space.
* Just off one end of the kitchen was a walk-in pantry with even more food storage and space, and its own window.
* Finally, the passage between the kitchen and the dining room was taken up with a "butler's pantry", which I am told is the name for yet another little room with a sink and a dishwasher and a small counter and more cabinet space; the idea is that you store the dishes in there, and it's an interim staging area for when you're having company in the fancy dining room and then that's where you do the dishes so the kitchen sink isn't tied up if anyone needs anything while you're working at that.
About 95% of our family holidays were spent in that house and my father and my aunt fell into a groove where they'd team up on things, and so every Thanksgiving we'd have my father carving the turkey in the butler's pantry while my aunt was in the kitchen flitting in and out of the other pantry to get what she needed to punch up all the other dishes, or then my father would start clearing the dishes and loading the dishwasher in the butler pantry while my aunt was in the kitchen getting all the pies set up, and then the breakfast the day after whatever holiday my father would man the stove in the kitchen for eggs/bacon/sausage while my aunt made the coffee and plated up the donuts Dad had just brought back from Dunkin'.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:57 AM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
OK, if people could comment or memail me every single reason you could think of for an extra, highly-specific kitchen, I think I might write this short story after all.
My brother and sister-in-law's previous house, they built with a wok kitchen for high heat / high smoke frying, with an industrial strength high throughput natural gas burner and a commercial exhaust. One of the selling features for the equipment they chose was that if the future buyers were Indian rather than Chinese, the wok oven could be replaced with a tandoor using the same connections.
So, that's two uses.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:58 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
My brother and sister-in-law's previous house, they built with a wok kitchen for high heat / high smoke frying, with an industrial strength high throughput natural gas burner and a commercial exhaust. One of the selling features for the equipment they chose was that if the future buyers were Indian rather than Chinese, the wok oven could be replaced with a tandoor using the same connections.
So, that's two uses.
posted by jacquilynne at 10:58 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
Many decks are effectively outdoor kitchens. Ours has a grill and a smoker on it. That's three.
posted by bonehead at 10:59 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by bonehead at 10:59 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
I take it you don't mean that getting your heat turned back on was super-easy, barely an inconvenience?
Living without heat or electricity when it’s thirty below zero is TIGHT.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:59 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
Living without heat or electricity when it’s thirty below zero is TIGHT.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 10:59 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
I also use my deck/back porch as a second kitchen. I grill on it, and I even use an air fryer we inherited out there to make french fries and onion rings. I keep the fryer inside, though.
posted by SoberHighland at 11:02 AM on September 1, 2021
posted by SoberHighland at 11:02 AM on September 1, 2021
OK, if people could comment or memail me every single reason you could think of for an extra, highly-specific kitchen, I think I might write this short story after all.
I think I saw someone propose a canning kitchen? Seconding that, and the specific things you would need in it are
* A huge stove, with eight burners. Or, one stove with the conventional four burners and one where somehow each pair of burners has been combined into one, so you have space for absolutely MASSIVE pots.
* You do not need an oven.
* A massive sink, deep enough to fill a giant stockpot.
* sufficient storage space for an assload of empty mason jars.
* A pantry off to the side for storing that assload of FULL mason jars.
I also would propose a root cellar, and a still room - a place where you can dry herbs or have various hedgerow liqueurs on the go (usually this takes just a quiet dark cupboard where you let a jar full of hooch and some flavoring sit for several months).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:03 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
I think I saw someone propose a canning kitchen? Seconding that, and the specific things you would need in it are
* A huge stove, with eight burners. Or, one stove with the conventional four burners and one where somehow each pair of burners has been combined into one, so you have space for absolutely MASSIVE pots.
* You do not need an oven.
* A massive sink, deep enough to fill a giant stockpot.
* sufficient storage space for an assload of empty mason jars.
* A pantry off to the side for storing that assload of FULL mason jars.
I also would propose a root cellar, and a still room - a place where you can dry herbs or have various hedgerow liqueurs on the go (usually this takes just a quiet dark cupboard where you let a jar full of hooch and some flavoring sit for several months).
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 11:03 AM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
This is like something out of a Borges story.
The kitchen belonging to the emperor is used only for cooking swan on the vernal equinox.
The embalmed kitchen lies beneath the basement floor, entombed, awaiting discovery by future tenants, perplexed and horrified.
The kitchen that trembles as if it was mad is in dire need of refrigerator repair.
The nested kitchen lies within the oven of the N+1 nested kitchen. The recursive base case kitchen has yet to be discovered, and Platonist chefs deny its existence.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:04 AM on September 1, 2021 [27 favorites]
The kitchen belonging to the emperor is used only for cooking swan on the vernal equinox.
The embalmed kitchen lies beneath the basement floor, entombed, awaiting discovery by future tenants, perplexed and horrified.
The kitchen that trembles as if it was mad is in dire need of refrigerator repair.
The nested kitchen lies within the oven of the N+1 nested kitchen. The recursive base case kitchen has yet to be discovered, and Platonist chefs deny its existence.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 11:04 AM on September 1, 2021 [27 favorites]
Canning kitchen needs to be screened, too. But it probably freezes in the winter, so I don’t think it needs storage for filled jars.
Possibly a tramway into the root/canning cellar, though.
posted by clew at 11:05 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Possibly a tramway into the root/canning cellar, though.
posted by clew at 11:05 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Such a weird article to read after all the complaining she used to do about people's stuff on McMansion Hell. I haven't read it in years so maybe she stopped, but she made a name for herself by being bitchy about people's things as well as terrible houses. It put me off McMH; it's so very odd to then see an ode to trying to live comfortably with the things you like (or just have out of necessity) without someone judging you for it.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:09 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by oneirodynia at 11:09 AM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
[In the interest of not derailing the post any further, I'll take any further kitchen suggestions via memail and will post the story to Projects when I'm done. Thank you MetaFilter, I love you!]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 11:11 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
posted by BuddhaInABucket at 11:11 AM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
Garlicateria.
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by Halloween Jack at 11:35 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
oneirodynia, I’ve been thinking about the same thing. Especially when she writes this:
posted by clew at 11:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
everything I kind of hate about architecture, about design, about the ways people in the profession are expected to live their lives for the benefit and the consumption of others.I originally parsed "people" there as inhabitants of architecture, expected by professional architects to be as pretty as mock-ups. But she might mean that architects are supposed to "live their lives for the consumption of others". Has she been a style-snob to earn standing? (In dogetalk? That was One WIERD Trick.)
posted by clew at 11:38 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
After reading this I'm reminded of "boutique hotels" and why I go out of my way to not book them anymore. To give one example, a barn door on the bathroom looks nice, but it might as well not be there in terms of blocking sounds and smells.
“Oh, that can’t be right. The landlord has to provide heat.”
Reminds me of this.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 11:42 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
“Oh, that can’t be right. The landlord has to provide heat.”
Reminds me of this.
posted by Pruitt-Igoe at 11:42 AM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
When I lived in Winnipeg I was in an old walk-up building with a small galley kitchen. It wasn't much to look at but it worked quite well and both my wife and I could be in it together without getting in each other's way.
I'm lucky enough to have designed my living space although it also means that most of the things that didn't work are my fault as well. It started our with our builder's designer speaking with us and getting our input before coming up with a design and then my wife and I went through everything to see how it would actually work for us and making a lot of changes. And then when we were talking with the cabinet makers there were again a lot of discussions on how things would work so we're mostly happy with it but if you're not careful then your stuff will grow to fill up whatever space you've got.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:12 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'm lucky enough to have designed my living space although it also means that most of the things that didn't work are my fault as well. It started our with our builder's designer speaking with us and getting our input before coming up with a design and then my wife and I went through everything to see how it would actually work for us and making a lot of changes. And then when we were talking with the cabinet makers there were again a lot of discussions on how things would work so we're mostly happy with it but if you're not careful then your stuff will grow to fill up whatever space you've got.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 12:12 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
I remember watching an episode of the original Queer Eye for the Straight Guy where the interior designer replaced the kitchen cabinets with open shelving
I thought of this exact thing, and I'm pretty sure Bobby did it to someone in the new Queer Eye, too!
posted by knownassociate at 12:25 PM on September 1, 2021
I thought of this exact thing, and I'm pretty sure Bobby did it to someone in the new Queer Eye, too!
posted by knownassociate at 12:25 PM on September 1, 2021
my wife and I could be in it together without getting in each other's way.
Any portmanteau, my sister once described her galley food-prep workspace thus: "It's a one-butt kitchen."
posted by MonkeyToes at 12:27 PM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
Any portmanteau, my sister once described her galley food-prep workspace thus: "It's a one-butt kitchen."
posted by MonkeyToes at 12:27 PM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
I have been a small-time landlord; tenants will do terrible things to beautiful old woodwork. And the new owner took the doors off the cupboards because open shelving is popular. If you cook a lot, open shelving is a lot more cleaning.
What's the point of a void space at the top of kitchen cabinets? The point is buying stock cabinets, not cabinets that fit in the actual space. Unlike Kate, I like tall cabinets, and a stepstool makes access easy. Houses and apartments are often designed to sell, and to be trendy, and not to be lived in or functional. I love her stainless steel (enamel?) counters and green penny tile, and marble counters are really only for looks. I chose live edge pine slab counters, they can be sanded down if someone is bothered by the dings; I am not. I love looking at home design blogs, but there's no much impractical nonsense. As for kitchens, I have not had a big kitchen with lots of counter space, but I now have good lighting, a stove fan vented to the outside, which should be required, and the kitchen is quite functional.
It was a fun read; I suspect she had a snotty landlord and snooty neighbors; she sounds much happier in the new place.
posted by theora55 at 12:45 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
What's the point of a void space at the top of kitchen cabinets? The point is buying stock cabinets, not cabinets that fit in the actual space. Unlike Kate, I like tall cabinets, and a stepstool makes access easy. Houses and apartments are often designed to sell, and to be trendy, and not to be lived in or functional. I love her stainless steel (enamel?) counters and green penny tile, and marble counters are really only for looks. I chose live edge pine slab counters, they can be sanded down if someone is bothered by the dings; I am not. I love looking at home design blogs, but there's no much impractical nonsense. As for kitchens, I have not had a big kitchen with lots of counter space, but I now have good lighting, a stove fan vented to the outside, which should be required, and the kitchen is quite functional.
It was a fun read; I suspect she had a snotty landlord and snooty neighbors; she sounds much happier in the new place.
posted by theora55 at 12:45 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Any portmanteau, my sister once described her galley food-prep workspace thus: "It's a one-butt kitchen."
If I bend over at the wrong angle to retrieve something from under the sink, I run a serious risk of turning on a stove burner with my ass. The stove is on the opposite wall from the sink.
How many units of butt is this kitchen?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:53 PM on September 1, 2021 [13 favorites]
If I bend over at the wrong angle to retrieve something from under the sink, I run a serious risk of turning on a stove burner with my ass. The stove is on the opposite wall from the sink.
How many units of butt is this kitchen?
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:53 PM on September 1, 2021 [13 favorites]
Sounds half-assed, honestly.
posted by NoxAeternum at 12:57 PM on September 1, 2021 [24 favorites]
posted by NoxAeternum at 12:57 PM on September 1, 2021 [24 favorites]
I originally parsed "people" there as inhabitants of architecture, expected by professional architects to be as pretty as mock-ups. But she might mean that architects are supposed to "live their lives for the consumption of others". Has she been a style-snob to earn standing?
Mmm, yeah, that's how I originally read it too but on re-reading it "people in the profession" is obviously not "people". I also think it's interesting because AFAIK her degree is in architectural acoustics, which doesn't imply a whole lot in terms of one's design aesthetic. But yeah, once you parlay critiquing architecture and, what to me read a whole lot as punching down (or at least sideways) by discussing random people's furniture and wallpaper into a career, you open yourself up to other people wondering what's up with your design choices. I mean, I have a landscape architecture degree and my front garden looks like garbage right now. I would not be surprised if people thought WTF? about that, but I haven't gotten famous by writing copiously on the abysmal state of American front yards either. I'd feel a bit of a muffinhead if I did.
I think that's entirely separate from having a shitty landlord, and the fucked up situation of rental housing in America in general. It definitely feels bad to be judged for your stuff and how you maintain it by people who don't know you.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:59 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Mmm, yeah, that's how I originally read it too but on re-reading it "people in the profession" is obviously not "people". I also think it's interesting because AFAIK her degree is in architectural acoustics, which doesn't imply a whole lot in terms of one's design aesthetic. But yeah, once you parlay critiquing architecture and, what to me read a whole lot as punching down (or at least sideways) by discussing random people's furniture and wallpaper into a career, you open yourself up to other people wondering what's up with your design choices. I mean, I have a landscape architecture degree and my front garden looks like garbage right now. I would not be surprised if people thought WTF? about that, but I haven't gotten famous by writing copiously on the abysmal state of American front yards either. I'd feel a bit of a muffinhead if I did.
I think that's entirely separate from having a shitty landlord, and the fucked up situation of rental housing in America in general. It definitely feels bad to be judged for your stuff and how you maintain it by people who don't know you.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:59 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Such a weird article to read after all the complaining she used to do about people's stuff on McMansion Hell. I haven't read it in years so maybe she stopped, but she made a name for herself by being bitchy about people's things as well as terrible houses. It put me off McMH; it's so very odd to then see an ode to trying to live comfortably with the things you like (or just have out of necessity) without someone judging you for it.
I always thought she was making fun of the ugly staging furniture the realtors use to make the place look like a home when taking pictures vis-a-vis things. I think also with McMansions, the idea is you can afford almost anything, and you choose to design... well, a McMansion. I also think there's a difference between Steve and Karen Tristate Area Used Car Dealership choosing terrible wallpaper because that signals wealth to them, versus, like, I need to keep my bicycles in the front room because I don't have anyplace outside to safely store them.* I'm sure the Tristate Used Car Dealership dynasty can choose whatever decor they like, wherever they end up; they just choose things that give them a veneer of wealth and are badly-designed.
* my kingdom for a safe place to store my bike that isn't my front room or the $75/mo apartment garage...
posted by snerson at 1:06 PM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
I always thought she was making fun of the ugly staging furniture the realtors use to make the place look like a home when taking pictures vis-a-vis things. I think also with McMansions, the idea is you can afford almost anything, and you choose to design... well, a McMansion. I also think there's a difference between Steve and Karen Tristate Area Used Car Dealership choosing terrible wallpaper because that signals wealth to them, versus, like, I need to keep my bicycles in the front room because I don't have anyplace outside to safely store them.* I'm sure the Tristate Used Car Dealership dynasty can choose whatever decor they like, wherever they end up; they just choose things that give them a veneer of wealth and are badly-designed.
* my kingdom for a safe place to store my bike that isn't my front room or the $75/mo apartment garage...
posted by snerson at 1:06 PM on September 1, 2021 [8 favorites]
What's the point of a void space at the top of kitchen cabinets?
I don't know where the hell you keep your life-sized papier-mâché turkey vulture that your kid made during his First Grade unit on birds but -- What? Just starting high-school, why? -- anyway as I was saying, I don't know where you keep yours, but ours is above the kitchen cabinets where it belongs.
posted by The Bellman at 1:07 PM on September 1, 2021 [29 favorites]
I don't know where the hell you keep your life-sized papier-mâché turkey vulture that your kid made during his First Grade unit on birds but -- What? Just starting high-school, why? -- anyway as I was saying, I don't know where you keep yours, but ours is above the kitchen cabinets where it belongs.
posted by The Bellman at 1:07 PM on September 1, 2021 [29 favorites]
the idea is you can afford almost anything, and you choose to design... well, a McMansion.
Right, I find it hard to read as "punching down" or even "sideways" when a lifelong renter hopping from apartment to apartment due to (as she mentions) infestations, terrible roommates, etc. is making fun of the bizarre choices made by extremely well-off homeowners.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:08 PM on September 1, 2021 [21 favorites]
Right, I find it hard to read as "punching down" or even "sideways" when a lifelong renter hopping from apartment to apartment due to (as she mentions) infestations, terrible roommates, etc. is making fun of the bizarre choices made by extremely well-off homeowners.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:08 PM on September 1, 2021 [21 favorites]
I guess, but on the other hand... people like having lots of natural light and window space. I don't live in such an apartment right now, but I guess I reject the implication that the ability for others to sometimes see into your common areas means an inescapable obligation to keep those areas unrealistically tidy.
Maybe, but if you go by that building now, many of the windows are covered up with ugly shades that seem to have been added not long after it opened. I suspect the sunlight at midday was blinding, and the residents probably got tired of being scrutinized at night on weekends by the army of drunks stumbling north from U Street.
posted by ryanshepard at 1:16 PM on September 1, 2021
Maybe, but if you go by that building now, many of the windows are covered up with ugly shades that seem to have been added not long after it opened. I suspect the sunlight at midday was blinding, and the residents probably got tired of being scrutinized at night on weekends by the army of drunks stumbling north from U Street.
posted by ryanshepard at 1:16 PM on September 1, 2021
Kitchen wise, a lady I know converted part of her basement into a herb kitchen - she dries herbs, distills, extracts, macerates, makes her own essential oils. Custom sinks, so many shelves and hooks, an actual alembic, half a dozen stills, multiple ovens one above another for quickly drying things. It's a cross between a cosmetics lab, a mad scientist lair and a witch's cottage done up in white tile. Absolutely glorious.
posted by I claim sanctuary at 1:28 PM on September 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by I claim sanctuary at 1:28 PM on September 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
when a lifelong renter hopping from apartment to apartment due to (as she mentions) infestations, terrible roommates, etc. is making fun of the bizarre choices made by extremely well-off homeowners.
She's only 27, who is not a life-long renter at that point?
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:30 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
She's only 27, who is not a life-long renter at that point?
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:30 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
She's only 27, who is not a life-long renter at that point?
I don't really see how that makes what she does "punching down." She's still targeting people who have substantially more economic clout than she does, even if one day far in the future (laughs in gen z) she does somehow manage to own a home.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:36 PM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
I don't really see how that makes what she does "punching down." She's still targeting people who have substantially more economic clout than she does, even if one day far in the future (laughs in gen z) she does somehow manage to own a home.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:36 PM on September 1, 2021 [11 favorites]
This reminds me of a hotel room of a very specific, very bad kind I've experienced more than once. The one that really comes to mind was all glass and black marble/granite inside, including a glass bathroom with a double width hinged glass door. Which leaked water from the shower into the room because the floor was not even inclined right. Every surface was placed to stub toes, elbows, etc. Not a single bit of it was actually designed to be occupied by a human. I'm sure it looked great in adverts.
posted by joeyh at 1:38 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
posted by joeyh at 1:38 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
I always thought she was making fun of the ugly staging furniture the realtors use to make the place look like a home when taking pictures vis-a-vis things.
She was usually quite clear that she was talking about the staging furniture. The architecture, on the other hand...
BuddhaInABucket, two reasons for outdoor kitchens: a grilling kitchen to keep extra greasy smoky dishes from making indoors dirty; and a canning kitchen which keeps all the steam and heat outside.
The only visible outbuilding site for my house, which was built in 1850 and is technically a farmhouse, is where the smokehouse was located. The main kitchen was in the basement, but it's likely other cooking went on outside.
I was amused by the article, but taken aback by the landlord (he was...just showing up unannounced? huh?) and agree that the collapsing sink means installer screw-up, not design flaw. And marble kitchen counters? It might be nice to have a marble inset section or something for baking, but not the whole counter...
Ironically, the closest thing I've had to a truly decent kitchen was in the apartment I rented when I first moved here. The fridge was rental-sized, but there was a lot of space, a dishwasher, logical counter and cupboard arrangements, etc. House the Original was built in the 40s and had a kitchen roughly the size of a handkerchief, with no space for a dishwasher, maybe 3 ft. of counter space, and only one outlet, half of which was occupied by the fridge. House the Sequel had an open kitchen, which is not great for evicting curious cats from the proceedings, and had cupboards running all the way up to a ceiling that was nearly 10 ft high. I am nowhere near 10 ft high and would have needed a full-blown stepladder to use them. And now House the Trilogy has an extremely lovely kitchen...for my parents. My own kitchen is in the chunk of the house used as a rental for the past 4 decades or so and my renovation budget did not stretch to the cabinets. More seriously, it used to be the butler's pantry, in all likelihood, and it has no ventilation to the outside at all. But I can close the doors, at least.
posted by thomas j wise at 1:39 PM on September 1, 2021
She was usually quite clear that she was talking about the staging furniture. The architecture, on the other hand...
BuddhaInABucket, two reasons for outdoor kitchens: a grilling kitchen to keep extra greasy smoky dishes from making indoors dirty; and a canning kitchen which keeps all the steam and heat outside.
The only visible outbuilding site for my house, which was built in 1850 and is technically a farmhouse, is where the smokehouse was located. The main kitchen was in the basement, but it's likely other cooking went on outside.
I was amused by the article, but taken aback by the landlord (he was...just showing up unannounced? huh?) and agree that the collapsing sink means installer screw-up, not design flaw. And marble kitchen counters? It might be nice to have a marble inset section or something for baking, but not the whole counter...
Ironically, the closest thing I've had to a truly decent kitchen was in the apartment I rented when I first moved here. The fridge was rental-sized, but there was a lot of space, a dishwasher, logical counter and cupboard arrangements, etc. House the Original was built in the 40s and had a kitchen roughly the size of a handkerchief, with no space for a dishwasher, maybe 3 ft. of counter space, and only one outlet, half of which was occupied by the fridge. House the Sequel had an open kitchen, which is not great for evicting curious cats from the proceedings, and had cupboards running all the way up to a ceiling that was nearly 10 ft high. I am nowhere near 10 ft high and would have needed a full-blown stepladder to use them. And now House the Trilogy has an extremely lovely kitchen...for my parents. My own kitchen is in the chunk of the house used as a rental for the past 4 decades or so and my renovation budget did not stretch to the cabinets. More seriously, it used to be the butler's pantry, in all likelihood, and it has no ventilation to the outside at all. But I can close the doors, at least.
posted by thomas j wise at 1:39 PM on September 1, 2021
I don't really see how that makes what she does "punching down."
It makes it punching sideways, if not down. Time matters. 25% of home owners in the 41-55 range are first time buyers, so there is not some radical divide in home purchasing age that is different for millennials.
She was usually quite clear that she was talking about the staging furniture. The architecture, on the other hand...
No she does not. She regularly mocks things like wallpaper, carpet, and other fixed things that stagers have no ability to change, and how could she know which furniture belongs to stagers and not the homeowners just based on pictures?
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:51 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
It makes it punching sideways, if not down. Time matters. 25% of home owners in the 41-55 range are first time buyers, so there is not some radical divide in home purchasing age that is different for millennials.
She was usually quite clear that she was talking about the staging furniture. The architecture, on the other hand...
No she does not. She regularly mocks things like wallpaper, carpet, and other fixed things that stagers have no ability to change, and how could she know which furniture belongs to stagers and not the homeowners just based on pictures?
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:51 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
How many units of butt is this kitchen?
This was when we were a fair bit younger and had smaller butts. The sink was at one end and the stove and fridge at the other (but beside each other). I could be doing dishes while she was cooking or using the counter but we needed to stay in our areas. Passing by each other was doable but tight.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:51 PM on September 1, 2021
This was when we were a fair bit younger and had smaller butts. The sink was at one end and the stove and fridge at the other (but beside each other). I could be doing dishes while she was cooking or using the counter but we needed to stay in our areas. Passing by each other was doable but tight.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:51 PM on September 1, 2021
The formatting in that article could also be called Apostrophe Hell.
posted by zardoz at 1:59 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by zardoz at 1:59 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm not going to feel bad about mocking the tastes of wealthy mcmansions dwellers. It's not like she's throwing some hateful shit out there, dunking on wallpaper is a mild critique.
posted by Ferreous at 2:19 PM on September 1, 2021 [18 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 2:19 PM on September 1, 2021 [18 favorites]
Looking back through some of her older posts, she really hates garages. She seems to only be able to imagine them as places to store cars, with no other possible use. As an amateur woodworker, I really believe a large garage can do other things rather than serve oil-based interests. I don't think it is great to hate on a house just because it has a large garage.
posted by Quonab at 2:24 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by Quonab at 2:24 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Yeah, the bikes in the living room thing is weird.
I keep all my bikes in my kitchen, like a normal person.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:26 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
I keep all my bikes in my kitchen, like a normal person.
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 2:26 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
Unlike Kate, I like tall cabinets, and a stepstool makes access easy
When I have a convenient place to store said stepstool, I definitely agree. Or if there was enough storage that I'd only need the out of reach area for a few items that I don't use regularly (weekly). In a lot of apartments I've lived the only place for a step stool was a bedroom closet, and wedged away a bit. Having to wiggle it out meant I'd be less and less likely to use the item.
If I didn't generally enjoy cooking, I'd probably be a lot happier with look over function kitchen and switch to a bagged salad+some kind of canned protein diet.
posted by ghost phoneme at 2:29 PM on September 1, 2021
When I have a convenient place to store said stepstool, I definitely agree. Or if there was enough storage that I'd only need the out of reach area for a few items that I don't use regularly (weekly). In a lot of apartments I've lived the only place for a step stool was a bedroom closet, and wedged away a bit. Having to wiggle it out meant I'd be less and less likely to use the item.
If I didn't generally enjoy cooking, I'd probably be a lot happier with look over function kitchen and switch to a bagged salad+some kind of canned protein diet.
posted by ghost phoneme at 2:29 PM on September 1, 2021
From what I've seen she more hates homes where garages dominate the facade which I think is a fair assessment, especially given that modern mcmansions are up to 3 bay garages as the standard.
posted by Ferreous at 2:29 PM on September 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 2:29 PM on September 1, 2021 [7 favorites]
Ngl, grid streets with alleyway down the center of the block and garages on the alleyway is great.
posted by Ferreous at 2:31 PM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 2:31 PM on September 1, 2021 [6 favorites]
modern mcmansions are up to 3 bay garages as the standard
One of my cousins in the Dallas suburbs/exurbs had a 2 bay garage on the right side of her house and then either a 2 or 3 bay garage on the left side too. Which is so excessive right?
The cars were parked in the garage on the right so I have to assume that the left one was used to store stuff that would otherwise go in the basement. But I could also see that if she still lived there when her kids were older they'd need their own cars too so the extra garage would come in handy. The McMansion's natural habitat is some new subdivision not quite in the middle of nowhere so it makes sense to have enough space for all the cars these people will have because public transit will be non-existent and nothing will be close enough to walk or bike to.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 2:45 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
One of my cousins in the Dallas suburbs/exurbs had a 2 bay garage on the right side of her house and then either a 2 or 3 bay garage on the left side too. Which is so excessive right?
The cars were parked in the garage on the right so I have to assume that the left one was used to store stuff that would otherwise go in the basement. But I could also see that if she still lived there when her kids were older they'd need their own cars too so the extra garage would come in handy. The McMansion's natural habitat is some new subdivision not quite in the middle of nowhere so it makes sense to have enough space for all the cars these people will have because public transit will be non-existent and nothing will be close enough to walk or bike to.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 2:45 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
I love alleys but aren’t they increasing the area given over to cars? Do we get it back by not having driveways, all else equal?
The parts of McMH I found weak were mocking things built in the 1980s and 1990s for having 1980s and 1990s decor, even unto mocking paint colors, which is punching up only if you’re a teenager in the 2000s. It is congruent with believing that rich people are expected to have better taste than the poors, which IMO leads bad places. Better execution, fair to expect - better taste, no. Too close to expecting that they are our betters.
And it’s just dumb to complain about wasteful buildings and also effectively complain that they haven’t been gut-renovated in the last five years.
posted by clew at 2:47 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
The parts of McMH I found weak were mocking things built in the 1980s and 1990s for having 1980s and 1990s decor, even unto mocking paint colors, which is punching up only if you’re a teenager in the 2000s. It is congruent with believing that rich people are expected to have better taste than the poors, which IMO leads bad places. Better execution, fair to expect - better taste, no. Too close to expecting that they are our betters.
And it’s just dumb to complain about wasteful buildings and also effectively complain that they haven’t been gut-renovated in the last five years.
posted by clew at 2:47 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
I love alleys but aren’t they increasing the area given over to cars? Do we get it back by not having driveways, all else equal?
Depends on the density of the neighborhood. Around here there's sometimes 15+ houses off of one alleyway. It definitely conserves space in that scenario. Also keeps less cars on the street which is nice for cyclists.
posted by Ferreous at 2:52 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Depends on the density of the neighborhood. Around here there's sometimes 15+ houses off of one alleyway. It definitely conserves space in that scenario. Also keeps less cars on the street which is nice for cyclists.
posted by Ferreous at 2:52 PM on September 1, 2021 [2 favorites]
Time matters. 25% of home owners in the 41-55 range are first time buyers, so there is not some radical divide in home purchasing age that is different for millennials.
So since I'm in my 40s and will never be able to afford a home, am I allowed to make fun of people who earn 6 times my annual salary and live in fully 10x my square footage and still somehow manage to fuck it up? Because I will happily take over the job...
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:57 PM on September 1, 2021 [12 favorites]
So since I'm in my 40s and will never be able to afford a home, am I allowed to make fun of people who earn 6 times my annual salary and live in fully 10x my square footage and still somehow manage to fuck it up? Because I will happily take over the job...
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 2:57 PM on September 1, 2021 [12 favorites]
She's only 27, who is not a life-long renter at that point?
Anyone whose parents or guardians owned the home(s) that they grew up in.
posted by eviemath at 3:14 PM on September 1, 2021
Anyone whose parents or guardians owned the home(s) that they grew up in.
posted by eviemath at 3:14 PM on September 1, 2021
posted by majick at 3:20 PM on September 1, 2021
I live in Los Angeles, and I might be the only person I've met who has ever stored an actual car in their garage. Garages are just extra storage space. [This is likely especially true in LA, since we don't have basements. On the east coast, I knew way more people who put their cars in the garage since the basement was the go-to random stuff storage space].
posted by thefoxgod at 3:33 PM on September 1, 2021
posted by thefoxgod at 3:33 PM on September 1, 2021
It’s going to drive me crazy until I can remember the 1930s short story I read on a similar theme, where the characters lived in an ultramodern apartment building that had obviously been designed for looking at instead of living in.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:02 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:02 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
A lot of homes built for Asian families have a separate, well-vented room for wok cooking (which tends to get greasy and smoky).
If I were to think of other very-specific sub-kitchens you could have, I might include one with a tandoor (which I think some South Asian families do actually get installed), one for grilling meats over charcoal on skewers, one solely for the preparation of escargots and various fruits-de-mer, one for smoking fish, one for curing fish, one for the drying of squid and octopus, one for dumpling-making, one for noodle-making, one with a Dewar flask full of liquid nitrogen, one for cooking in an absolute vacuum...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:05 PM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
If I were to think of other very-specific sub-kitchens you could have, I might include one with a tandoor (which I think some South Asian families do actually get installed), one for grilling meats over charcoal on skewers, one solely for the preparation of escargots and various fruits-de-mer, one for smoking fish, one for curing fish, one for the drying of squid and octopus, one for dumpling-making, one for noodle-making, one with a Dewar flask full of liquid nitrogen, one for cooking in an absolute vacuum...
posted by TheWhiteSkull at 4:05 PM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
My garage is barely big enough to contain my subcompact car. I have parked in there once as a proof of concept, and I can't really even fit my bicycle in there with it - possibly lofted if I'm the only one getting out of the car, a passenger would bang their head on it. No garden tools on the walls if you want to open the car doors. Pretty minimal path in front of the car to reach the door to the house.
Has anyone requested a kitchen for beer brewing? -20C freezer for yeast, maybe an incubator / oven for malting and roasting grain, powerful burner / exhaust fan, bottling line...
posted by momus_window at 4:34 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Has anyone requested a kitchen for beer brewing? -20C freezer for yeast, maybe an incubator / oven for malting and roasting grain, powerful burner / exhaust fan, bottling line...
posted by momus_window at 4:34 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Also, I felt like Wagner was mostly dunking on people's stuff from an affectionate place, given how often she calls out things in homes that are both ugly and that she loves. Mostly she points out things that are very of-their-era. She sticks to her goal of primarily, humorously criticizing bad architecture (= a poorly-constructed monstrosity with mostly unusable space and inevitable water-damage issues when you could have afforded to build something better) vs. people's individual style choices.
posted by momus_window at 4:47 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by momus_window at 4:47 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
hm some of the detours in this thread make it pretty easy to understand Wagner's stated reticence to be "personal on the Internet" (though I don't think this is what she meant)
posted by Kybard at 4:56 PM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
posted by Kybard at 4:56 PM on September 1, 2021 [5 favorites]
I like Wagner's critical writing, and am delighted at the range of subjects on which she is willing to make a personal deep dive assessment (cf. https://thebaffler.com/salvos/strike-with-the-band-wagner - classical music, https://thebaffler.com/salvos/404-page-not-found-wagner - the early internet, etc)
As I start my mental preparation for the terrifying task of renovating a heritage 120-year old house, last renovated 40 years ago by the previous engineer owner, who, I think, hated his wife and demonstrated that dislike by designing one of the largest unfunctional kitchens I have ever seen - the article gave me a feeling of absolution - I may muck up something up, but it will still be better than what is there at the moment.
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 5:21 PM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
As I start my mental preparation for the terrifying task of renovating a heritage 120-year old house, last renovated 40 years ago by the previous engineer owner, who, I think, hated his wife and demonstrated that dislike by designing one of the largest unfunctional kitchens I have ever seen - the article gave me a feeling of absolution - I may muck up something up, but it will still be better than what is there at the moment.
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 5:21 PM on September 1, 2021 [4 favorites]
OK, if people could comment or memail me every single reason you could think of for an extra, highly-specific kitchen,
Well you'll need one kitchen each to exclude each possible allergen, and then a bunch more to exclude every possible combination of them. And I bet there are vegans who strive to prepare in spaces that have never had animal products. Or would if that were an attainable option.
posted by solotoro at 5:27 PM on September 1, 2021
Well you'll need one kitchen each to exclude each possible allergen, and then a bunch more to exclude every possible combination of them. And I bet there are vegans who strive to prepare in spaces that have never had animal products. Or would if that were an attainable option.
posted by solotoro at 5:27 PM on September 1, 2021
It shows my ignorance about the business side of the internet, but I'd always figured that McMansion Hell was monetizable to the point where the owner could buy their own McMansion, but apparently that is not the case.
Regarding the question of whether it is punching up or down, while certainly the home owners have more economic capital, as the architectural critic she is claiming a high level of cultural capital, which is what makes the critique sting.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:07 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
Regarding the question of whether it is punching up or down, while certainly the home owners have more economic capital, as the architectural critic she is claiming a high level of cultural capital, which is what makes the critique sting.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:07 PM on September 1, 2021 [1 favorite]
My first Real Adult apartment was laid out so that you walked into the kitchen, then a bedroom, then a bathroom with two doors, which I later learned was 'jack and jill' style, and then the living room. Such that if you left all the doors open, you could make one big circle, to our dog's joy.
It was the weirdest damn layout but we learned to love it. We also had an inexplicable pillar, which we put Christmas lights on.
posted by nakedmolerats at 6:36 PM on September 1, 2021
It was the weirdest damn layout but we learned to love it. We also had an inexplicable pillar, which we put Christmas lights on.
posted by nakedmolerats at 6:36 PM on September 1, 2021
majick - what do you mean? Do most children pay rent to their parents where you’re from unless they are somehow favoured? And if so, how do the toddlers and tweens and similar young ones get the money for that?
posted by eviemath at 6:44 PM on September 1, 2021
posted by eviemath at 6:44 PM on September 1, 2021
I cook and spill all over the marble and it just keeps looking better and better because I am not a fan of sparkly granite. Seems simple.
posted by waving at 6:48 PM on September 1, 2021
posted by waving at 6:48 PM on September 1, 2021
(I’m pretty sure it’s not standard anywhere for parents to keep one house that they own for their favoured children, and one that they rent for their other kids, or something like that. So I assume that’s not what you meant, even though my comment was walking about whether the parents rented or owned?)
posted by eviemath at 6:50 PM on September 1, 2021
posted by eviemath at 6:50 PM on September 1, 2021
I live in Los Angeles, and I might be the only person I've met who has ever stored an actual car in their garage. Garages are just extra storage space.
Despite having read a lot about Southern California's gigantically rich 60s garage band scene over the years, I'm not sure that anyone has ever succinctly addressed this point (maybe because the majority of the people writing about it are natives, or so acculturated that it just goes without saying). I've always wondered if it was a pain in the ass for competing for space with cars.
posted by ryanshepard at 7:15 PM on September 1, 2021
Despite having read a lot about Southern California's gigantically rich 60s garage band scene over the years, I'm not sure that anyone has ever succinctly addressed this point (maybe because the majority of the people writing about it are natives, or so acculturated that it just goes without saying). I've always wondered if it was a pain in the ass for competing for space with cars.
posted by ryanshepard at 7:15 PM on September 1, 2021
“What you’re saying is impossible, sir. They are obliged to provide heat to the units.”
My last apartment was a large 2-bedroom place with a double parlor, large kitchen, and bedroom-sized pantry in lower Pacific Heights in San Francisco. When I moved it it was already rent-controlled, so the rent was around $1800/month. Our landlord hated us because it probably could've rented for at least twice that.
Shittier aspects included: slanted floor, outdated appliances, and a vinyl floor in the kitchen. The bathroom had black wallpaper (including the ceiling and the shower from about four feet up to the 15-foot ceiling) with pink and green vines, complemented by sea foam green tile and a coral pink sink and toilet to match the sink.
Oh, and no heat.
The vinyl floor in the kitchen developed a large bubble that I could stand on without affecting it (and I am large), so the landlord cut out the bubble and patched it with a different vinyl pattern.
We had an ancient washing machine and dryer. When the washing machine crapped out he replaced it with one from one of his properties that didn't fit in the closet and blocked the door to the tiny back patio.
When the stove crapped out he replaced it with one from another property that had food on it.
He finally tried to have us vacate the apartment for two months so he could do capital improvements. This was legal in San Francisco (at least at the time) but "capital improvements" are narrowly defined and his proposed changes didn't fit the requirements. The biggest thing on his list was moving the toilet a couple of inches because it wasn't up to code. So we refused to move out.
So he sued us.
The property manager was on the stand and the topic of heat came up. Our attorney asked if there was heat in the house. The property manager said, "Well, there's the stove." Our attorney's eyes got really big and she asked "Now, would that be the cooking stove?"
Lawyers must pray for meatball down the middle of the plate like that.
Just before lunch the attorneys went to talk to the judge. Our attorney offered for us to move out for two weeks so they could do their fixes, and their attorney refused. The judge, who happened to be a former contractor, said, "now, I'm going to count to three." Shortly after that their attorney came stomping into the courtroom yelling, "I don't think it's very professional to call someone a fool" over her shoulder.
They dropped the case and never did the supposedly necessary improvements. They did put in heat, though.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:24 PM on September 1, 2021 [19 favorites]
My last apartment was a large 2-bedroom place with a double parlor, large kitchen, and bedroom-sized pantry in lower Pacific Heights in San Francisco. When I moved it it was already rent-controlled, so the rent was around $1800/month. Our landlord hated us because it probably could've rented for at least twice that.
Shittier aspects included: slanted floor, outdated appliances, and a vinyl floor in the kitchen. The bathroom had black wallpaper (including the ceiling and the shower from about four feet up to the 15-foot ceiling) with pink and green vines, complemented by sea foam green tile and a coral pink sink and toilet to match the sink.
Oh, and no heat.
The vinyl floor in the kitchen developed a large bubble that I could stand on without affecting it (and I am large), so the landlord cut out the bubble and patched it with a different vinyl pattern.
We had an ancient washing machine and dryer. When the washing machine crapped out he replaced it with one from one of his properties that didn't fit in the closet and blocked the door to the tiny back patio.
When the stove crapped out he replaced it with one from another property that had food on it.
He finally tried to have us vacate the apartment for two months so he could do capital improvements. This was legal in San Francisco (at least at the time) but "capital improvements" are narrowly defined and his proposed changes didn't fit the requirements. The biggest thing on his list was moving the toilet a couple of inches because it wasn't up to code. So we refused to move out.
So he sued us.
The property manager was on the stand and the topic of heat came up. Our attorney asked if there was heat in the house. The property manager said, "Well, there's the stove." Our attorney's eyes got really big and she asked "Now, would that be the cooking stove?"
Lawyers must pray for meatball down the middle of the plate like that.
Just before lunch the attorneys went to talk to the judge. Our attorney offered for us to move out for two weeks so they could do their fixes, and their attorney refused. The judge, who happened to be a former contractor, said, "now, I'm going to count to three." Shortly after that their attorney came stomping into the courtroom yelling, "I don't think it's very professional to call someone a fool" over her shoulder.
They dropped the case and never did the supposedly necessary improvements. They did put in heat, though.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:24 PM on September 1, 2021 [19 favorites]
There were some gorgeous, but neglected, early 20th century mansions on the North Shore of Sydney with stunning southerly views that were being rented to impoverished students, newly employed, etc in the late 1980s.
I went to visit a friend renting one of them and he told me to be careful in the living room as there was a hole in the floor and it was about two yards in diameter. "When is the landlord going to fix it?" - "Never. He keeps hoping the whole house will fall down so that he can build a block of flats. He won't even let us repair anything."
So now there are some pretty cookie cutter blocks of flats with stunning southerly views on the North Shore of Sydney,
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 9:36 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
I went to visit a friend renting one of them and he told me to be careful in the living room as there was a hole in the floor and it was about two yards in diameter. "When is the landlord going to fix it?" - "Never. He keeps hoping the whole house will fall down so that he can build a block of flats. He won't even let us repair anything."
So now there are some pretty cookie cutter blocks of flats with stunning southerly views on the North Shore of Sydney,
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 9:36 PM on September 1, 2021 [3 favorites]
I'm 5'1". Our cabinets do not go to the ceiling and as it is I already have to stand on the counter to reach things in the back of the very top cabinets, especially the deep corner cabinet. I have a nice step stool but it doesn't get me tall enough; I'd need a full-on ladder on a rail or something (the taller a step stool gets the wider the base, which takes you a further distance away from the counter/cabinet). Now, I wouldn't particularly care if the cabinets did go to the ceiling, but you can bet I wouldn't put anything on that shelf.
The frustrating thing when you can't customize your space is it isn't until you live in it that you realize "look at all that storage, with the cabinets to the ceiling" is actually 1/3 less usable storage space, and oh actually only having 10 linear feet of cabinets isn't enough when you subtract what you can't reach. Which everyone seems to be missing from the article - there was 10 feet of counter/cabinet space, which isn't enough to store what you need regularly if you can't reach the top of those super tall cabinets. It's less a critique of the cabinets themselves but what it lets architects get away with in terms of giving the appearance of storage but it not actually being usable. It fits right in with the central thesis of the article.
posted by misskaz at 5:36 AM on September 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
The frustrating thing when you can't customize your space is it isn't until you live in it that you realize "look at all that storage, with the cabinets to the ceiling" is actually 1/3 less usable storage space, and oh actually only having 10 linear feet of cabinets isn't enough when you subtract what you can't reach. Which everyone seems to be missing from the article - there was 10 feet of counter/cabinet space, which isn't enough to store what you need regularly if you can't reach the top of those super tall cabinets. It's less a critique of the cabinets themselves but what it lets architects get away with in terms of giving the appearance of storage but it not actually being usable. It fits right in with the central thesis of the article.
posted by misskaz at 5:36 AM on September 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
Now you’ve touched a nerve! “Architects” don’t set out to fool people with storage. With kitchen cabinets, you can either have them go to the ceiling or not. Soffits above the cabinets have fallen out of favor as unusable spaces. Sometimes you need to run some utility above the cabinets but below the ceiling. People tend to opt for a partial faux cabinet run and then cabinets to the ceiling where they can get them. Open above cabinets also mean you can store things or show off decorative items but they aren’t hidden and do get dusty and sometimes greasy. What you can complain about is where the bottom of the cabinets is set. My 1950s kitchen has original cabinets set at 15” above the countertop. The standard now is 18”. 18” fits a Kitchenaid mixer on the counter and pretty much every coffeemaker. We have to make sure when we buy a coffeemaker that it’s less than 15”. We are faced with redoing our kitchen and I’m really torn on cabinet height. I love the reachability of the lower cabinets but I’d also love to have my mixer on the counter. I’m 5’-4”. Maybe consider moving your cabinets down?
posted by amanda at 6:38 AM on September 2, 2021
posted by amanda at 6:38 AM on September 2, 2021
Whoa - wait - are people who are complaining about cabinets going to the ceiling saying that the bottoms of their cabinets are also higher above the counters to compensate? Because that's insane. I like having more cabinets up top (even though I also use a ladder to reach them) because otherwise it's dusty wasted space. But I would never trade that for open "pretty" over-the-counter wasted space. Is that what's being described?
posted by Mchelly at 8:19 AM on September 2, 2021
posted by Mchelly at 8:19 AM on September 2, 2021
I live in Los Angeles, and I might be the only person I've met who has ever stored an actual car in their garage. Garages are just extra storage space.
Despite having read a lot about Southern California's gigantically rich 60s garage band scene over the years, I'm not sure that anyone has ever succinctly addressed this point (maybe because the majority of the people writing about it are natives, or so acculturated that it just goes without saying). I've always wondered if it was a pain in the ass for competing for space with cars.
The garage culture of Southern California is a weird thing and between the small houses (most only about 1200 sq ft if they haven't been added on to) and the single car garage that is often attached but has no direct access to the rest of the house (unless added on later - usually though a bedroom which is not code-compliant) and the weather (lack of rain) means that garages are either storage, an extra living room, or a distant 3rd car storage, and distant 4th garage band practice room.
The garage as an extra living room crosses class in southern California too, where in other states it's generally a lower-income thing.
And then you mix in the laundry machines out there too since most houses are too small to have a dedicated laundry room.
The downside of this is that the small front yards are mostly concrete to support 3-4 cars and parking on grass regularly rather than never/occasionally also crosses class boundaries.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:33 AM on September 2, 2021 [3 favorites]
Despite having read a lot about Southern California's gigantically rich 60s garage band scene over the years, I'm not sure that anyone has ever succinctly addressed this point (maybe because the majority of the people writing about it are natives, or so acculturated that it just goes without saying). I've always wondered if it was a pain in the ass for competing for space with cars.
The garage culture of Southern California is a weird thing and between the small houses (most only about 1200 sq ft if they haven't been added on to) and the single car garage that is often attached but has no direct access to the rest of the house (unless added on later - usually though a bedroom which is not code-compliant) and the weather (lack of rain) means that garages are either storage, an extra living room, or a distant 3rd car storage, and distant 4th garage band practice room.
The garage as an extra living room crosses class in southern California too, where in other states it's generally a lower-income thing.
And then you mix in the laundry machines out there too since most houses are too small to have a dedicated laundry room.
The downside of this is that the small front yards are mostly concrete to support 3-4 cars and parking on grass regularly rather than never/occasionally also crosses class boundaries.
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:33 AM on September 2, 2021 [3 favorites]
are people who are complaining about cabinets going to the ceiling saying that the bottoms of their cabinets are also higher above the counters to compensate
That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that if you're short, say 5'-1" for example, if the bottom of the cabinets start at 18" which is current standard, then it will feel like there is so much "wasted" cabinet over your head and out of reach regardless of whether those cabinets go to the ceiling. I'm saying, as a 5'-4" person, that the 15" cabinet height makes the bulk of the reachable cabinet space so much more reachable and whether they go to the ceiling or not doesn't really matter - these cabinets are more accessible.
However, for a tall person, dealing with an 18" set bottom for the cabinets is generally better in terms of counter use and access and they can reach all the cabinets so they don't care. They may even like the cabinet bottom to be set even higher! I helped a friend with her kitchen design and she and her husband are both 6'+. I went to fetch a glass for water on a visit and needed her to get it down because the "everyday" glassware was stored so high.
Cabinets that go to the ceiling should not just be hiked up there. Generally there is a small cabinet set at the top. Example - this photo has probably 18" clear between cabinet and counter, standard height upper cabinets and then a small cabinet set at the top which can be used decoratively, as shown, or for storing stuff that you don't access everyday.
But this is not a plot by architects to fool you into thinking you have extra storage. It is maybe a plot by cabinet makers, house flippers, kitchen designers to sell more cabinets, fool you into buying whatever they could get away with in your new house, respond to trends in kitchen design so that you are happy + keep your tops dust and grease-free.
posted by amanda at 8:41 AM on September 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
That's not what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that if you're short, say 5'-1" for example, if the bottom of the cabinets start at 18" which is current standard, then it will feel like there is so much "wasted" cabinet over your head and out of reach regardless of whether those cabinets go to the ceiling. I'm saying, as a 5'-4" person, that the 15" cabinet height makes the bulk of the reachable cabinet space so much more reachable and whether they go to the ceiling or not doesn't really matter - these cabinets are more accessible.
However, for a tall person, dealing with an 18" set bottom for the cabinets is generally better in terms of counter use and access and they can reach all the cabinets so they don't care. They may even like the cabinet bottom to be set even higher! I helped a friend with her kitchen design and she and her husband are both 6'+. I went to fetch a glass for water on a visit and needed her to get it down because the "everyday" glassware was stored so high.
Cabinets that go to the ceiling should not just be hiked up there. Generally there is a small cabinet set at the top. Example - this photo has probably 18" clear between cabinet and counter, standard height upper cabinets and then a small cabinet set at the top which can be used decoratively, as shown, or for storing stuff that you don't access everyday.
But this is not a plot by architects to fool you into thinking you have extra storage. It is maybe a plot by cabinet makers, house flippers, kitchen designers to sell more cabinets, fool you into buying whatever they could get away with in your new house, respond to trends in kitchen design so that you are happy + keep your tops dust and grease-free.
posted by amanda at 8:41 AM on September 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
majick - what do you mean?
Speaking from my own experience, downsizing parents of adult children are likely to hand the house to the golden child. Rest of 'em seem to be expected to fend for themselves in the rental market for as long as it takes to drag themselves out of it. Generational housing laddering applies for only children or those who effectively are.
posted by majick at 9:20 AM on September 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
Speaking from my own experience, downsizing parents of adult children are likely to hand the house to the golden child. Rest of 'em seem to be expected to fend for themselves in the rental market for as long as it takes to drag themselves out of it. Generational housing laddering applies for only children or those who effectively are.
posted by majick at 9:20 AM on September 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
Am I the only one who was shocked how messy her photos were? Total jeebies territory. I can't think how any place could be comfortable if you live like that. I'm sure the landlord was a jerk but I can also see he may have had a point.
posted by dame at 9:24 AM on September 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by dame at 9:24 AM on September 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
On further consideration, I believe I have misconstrued the thrust of what you were trying to say, eviemath. The confusion is mine, and I apologize for the derail.
posted by majick at 9:36 AM on September 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by majick at 9:36 AM on September 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'd say more cluttered than messy? Unless I'm missing some photos, I don't see dirty plates or food left out, so nothing that would attract pests/damage the place, which is about the only point a landlord can have.
And even then not excessively so: the living room seems like mine when I was working from the couch before I got a desk(minus decorations on the floor because they didn't want to hang things for noted reasons). The entry way I can't quite tell what's going on, but she mentioned lack of closets.
People have different tolerances for clutter/mess, but even if you have a lower threshold renting doesn't always give you a lot of chances to minimize it.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:02 AM on September 2, 2021 [5 favorites]
And even then not excessively so: the living room seems like mine when I was working from the couch before I got a desk(minus decorations on the floor because they didn't want to hang things for noted reasons). The entry way I can't quite tell what's going on, but she mentioned lack of closets.
People have different tolerances for clutter/mess, but even if you have a lower threshold renting doesn't always give you a lot of chances to minimize it.
posted by ghost phoneme at 10:02 AM on September 2, 2021 [5 favorites]
Am I the only one who was shocked how messy her photos were? Total jeebies territory.
Seriously? Other than the fact that I might tidy up before I took photos of my home, nothing about them seemed like anything more than light clutter to me.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:17 AM on September 2, 2021 [11 favorites]
Seriously? Other than the fact that I might tidy up before I took photos of my home, nothing about them seemed like anything more than light clutter to me.
posted by jacquilynne at 11:17 AM on September 2, 2021 [11 favorites]
And plaster? Yeah, I hope you like where the lady who lived here in 1911 chose to hang her pictures, cause no one else has been able to successfully drive a nail into a wall since then.
One can get a bettery powered drill for <>A place with no closets. Yikes.
Linen and hall/entry closets are great but the only advantage to bedroom closets over wardrobes is they are super cheap. Otherwise they consume a lot of floor space and look ugly IMO.
So much of what makes a kitchen workable varies by the person. Doing major appliance service work I was in 20-30 different kitchens every week and I've seen some pretty amazing things done on purpose by people who had them custom built.
Things like counter tops at 24" and 38" ( not in the same house) and everywhere in between. Tile, steel, stainless, wood, composite, bamboo, granite, enamel, Formica, arbrite, river rock, copper and glass for countertops. I had one long term, semi-professional customer with carpet in her kitchen and she replaced it with new carpet after 20 years. One memorable kitchen had mirror tiles on all the exposed wall surfaces. I once had a fridge custom painted the brownish red colour that was trendy in the 60s before harvest gold and avacodo so it would match the other appliances. Another kitchen had an island that was over twenty feet long and five feet wide. That kitchen had two, two door Sub-zero reach ins.
Summer kitchens are pretty common in my area. There will be an area off the main kitchen, usually covered but not always, with counters, range, sinks, fridge etc. Basically all cooking happens in that space in the warm months.
posted by Mitheral at 11:37 AM on September 2, 2021 [5 favorites]
One can get a bettery powered drill for <>A place with no closets. Yikes.
Linen and hall/entry closets are great but the only advantage to bedroom closets over wardrobes is they are super cheap. Otherwise they consume a lot of floor space and look ugly IMO.
So much of what makes a kitchen workable varies by the person. Doing major appliance service work I was in 20-30 different kitchens every week and I've seen some pretty amazing things done on purpose by people who had them custom built.
Things like counter tops at 24" and 38" ( not in the same house) and everywhere in between. Tile, steel, stainless, wood, composite, bamboo, granite, enamel, Formica, arbrite, river rock, copper and glass for countertops. I had one long term, semi-professional customer with carpet in her kitchen and she replaced it with new carpet after 20 years. One memorable kitchen had mirror tiles on all the exposed wall surfaces. I once had a fridge custom painted the brownish red colour that was trendy in the 60s before harvest gold and avacodo so it would match the other appliances. Another kitchen had an island that was over twenty feet long and five feet wide. That kitchen had two, two door Sub-zero reach ins.
Summer kitchens are pretty common in my area. There will be an area off the main kitchen, usually covered but not always, with counters, range, sinks, fridge etc. Basically all cooking happens in that space in the warm months.
posted by Mitheral at 11:37 AM on September 2, 2021 [5 favorites]
Am I the only one who was shocked how messy her photos were? Total jeebies territory. I can't think how any place could be comfortable if you live like that
As someone who's spent 20+ years sharing a one-bedroom apartment with another human and cats, I imagine you'd be horrified at the degree of clutter we've learned to live with. There's only so much that trying to be clever about storage can do. And at a certain point "minimalism" just means "you're not allowed to have hobbies or enthusiasms if they take up any space."
posted by Lexica at 11:59 AM on September 2, 2021 [21 favorites]
As someone who's spent 20+ years sharing a one-bedroom apartment with another human and cats, I imagine you'd be horrified at the degree of clutter we've learned to live with. There's only so much that trying to be clever about storage can do. And at a certain point "minimalism" just means "you're not allowed to have hobbies or enthusiasms if they take up any space."
posted by Lexica at 11:59 AM on September 2, 2021 [21 favorites]
Am I the only one who was shocked how messy her photos were? Total jeebies territory. I can't think how any place could be comfortable if you live like that. I'm sure the landlord was a jerk but I can also see he may have had a point.
Wow, judgmental much? Kind of ironic to post that in a thread about a piece about “the pressure to have to perform taste in the most intimate of one’s settings”.
posted by peacheater at 12:14 PM on September 2, 2021 [9 favorites]
Wow, judgmental much? Kind of ironic to post that in a thread about a piece about “the pressure to have to perform taste in the most intimate of one’s settings”.
posted by peacheater at 12:14 PM on September 2, 2021 [9 favorites]
I'm not going to feel bad about mocking the tastes of wealthy mcmansions dwellers. It's not like she's throwing some hateful shit out there, dunking on wallpaper is a mild critique.
I'm not sure where the idea that McMansion dwellers are all "wealthy", or that the furniture in all the places she critiqued was staged- because it's pretty obvious when it's not. I've seen a ton of posts where the house, regardless of who originally built it or how much it cost at the time, is clearly not being lived in by wealthy people right now.
Like I said maybe things have changed because I really haven't paid attention since her blog was on Tumblr. But the ubiquity of McMansions and the very fact that we call them "McMansions" should make it clear that they aren't for wealthy people, but for people who would like what they think are the trappings of wealth. McMansions populated the suburban hills of California in the 90s, getting increasingly cheaper the further away from any type of city center. Commuters bought them and then spent up to four hours a day driving to and from their jobs in the Bay Area. These people weren't wealthy. But they wanted big fancy looking houses with three car garages even if it meant the outside walls of their home were mere feet away from their neighbors.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:35 PM on September 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm not sure where the idea that McMansion dwellers are all "wealthy", or that the furniture in all the places she critiqued was staged- because it's pretty obvious when it's not. I've seen a ton of posts where the house, regardless of who originally built it or how much it cost at the time, is clearly not being lived in by wealthy people right now.
Like I said maybe things have changed because I really haven't paid attention since her blog was on Tumblr. But the ubiquity of McMansions and the very fact that we call them "McMansions" should make it clear that they aren't for wealthy people, but for people who would like what they think are the trappings of wealth. McMansions populated the suburban hills of California in the 90s, getting increasingly cheaper the further away from any type of city center. Commuters bought them and then spent up to four hours a day driving to and from their jobs in the Bay Area. These people weren't wealthy. But they wanted big fancy looking houses with three car garages even if it meant the outside walls of their home were mere feet away from their neighbors.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:35 PM on September 2, 2021 [1 favorite]
oneirodynia, those pictures you linked to just look like regular subdivisions to me, they don't have the useless, mismatched flourishes that are the hallmark of the McMansion, or even 3-car garages. In my mind I think of them as the kind of house that a doctor would live in (I happen to have a lot of cousins who are doctors in the USA that live in McMansions) and you need to be pulling that kind of salary to afford one.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:27 PM on September 2, 2021 [7 favorites]
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:27 PM on September 2, 2021 [7 favorites]
Yeah those are large (but pleasantly densely built!) houses. They lack the buck wild roof segmenting, foyer chandelier with viewing window and most of all the massive lot on which there is nothing but grass and herbicide.
posted by Ferreous at 2:35 PM on September 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
posted by Ferreous at 2:35 PM on September 2, 2021 [4 favorites]
I lived in Chicago for a while, and had the great fortune to live in a couple of three-flats. Both of those apartments had GREAT kitchens -- not so much in terms of finishes, but in terms of size and functionality. Plenty of counter space, natural light, room for full-sized appliances, and a large space in the middle big enough for a portable island or even a small dining table. I currently live in a 100-year old, one-bedroom apartment in MSP, and a friend of mine once referred to my kitchen as a war crime. Tiny, nonsensical layout, original (read: decrepit) cabinets and sink, no counter except for a built-in buffet around the corner, etc. I used to cook all the time, and now I get frustrated scrambling eggs so cook as little as humanly possible.
I'm planning to buy a house in the next 12-24 months, and this thread is a great reminder to prioritize function over aesthetics. I can't STAND boring, boxy, suburban and/or modern housing, which is good because I'm only looking at neighborhoods with old housing stock. I'm one of those people who lose their mind over old-timey architectural detail -- intricate woodwork, built-ins, interesting doorknobs or lighting fixtures, etc. I might not be swayed by marble countertops, but you put a couple of light sconces above a fireplace with built-in bookshelves on either side, and I will FLING my money at you. But as my realtor likes to remind me, having a functional, well-maintained house is more important than "charm." Hmph.
posted by leftover_scrabble_rack at 2:51 PM on September 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
I'm planning to buy a house in the next 12-24 months, and this thread is a great reminder to prioritize function over aesthetics. I can't STAND boring, boxy, suburban and/or modern housing, which is good because I'm only looking at neighborhoods with old housing stock. I'm one of those people who lose their mind over old-timey architectural detail -- intricate woodwork, built-ins, interesting doorknobs or lighting fixtures, etc. I might not be swayed by marble countertops, but you put a couple of light sconces above a fireplace with built-in bookshelves on either side, and I will FLING my money at you. But as my realtor likes to remind me, having a functional, well-maintained house is more important than "charm." Hmph.
posted by leftover_scrabble_rack at 2:51 PM on September 2, 2021 [2 favorites]
One house we lived in when I was a kid had a large basement apartment we never rented out. The house was built into the side of a hill, so a lot of the apartment was underground and much warmer in the winter. So, we'd move down there for the few coldest months of the year. In the warmer months when we lived upstairs, Mom would use the downstairs kitchen for canning, making preserves, bulk baking for the freezer, and all those other tasks that overheat the kitchen. The downstairs kitchen was also where the chest freezer and all the shelves of preserves lived.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:54 PM on September 2, 2021
posted by The Underpants Monster at 4:54 PM on September 2, 2021
Yeah agree with everyone above that this sounds more like an ass-hole landlord story than a poorly designed apartment story. And as she is a design person, I was expecting more complaints about the design.
I did have an apartment once that did look very slick and modern, but nothing fit together right:
-you could not open the fridge and the oven or the dishwasher and the pantry at the same time as the kitchen was too narrow to be able to have two doors open at the same time
-the toilet paper holder was actually installed with the arms too close together so you couldn't actually fit the roll on the holder
-the door to the guest bathroom almost touched the toilet when you opened it, so you had to maneuver around the door and toilet to get out
-floor to ceiling windows that faced west. in texas. That place didn't get below 85° in the summer.
-the living room didnt actually have the wall space for a couch (windows, fireplace, short walls at weird angles) so the couch had to float in the middle of the room, which I hate
These are all design problems. This was the best looking and worst functioning apartment I ever had.
posted by LizBoBiz at 4:38 AM on September 3, 2021 [5 favorites]
I did have an apartment once that did look very slick and modern, but nothing fit together right:
-you could not open the fridge and the oven or the dishwasher and the pantry at the same time as the kitchen was too narrow to be able to have two doors open at the same time
-the toilet paper holder was actually installed with the arms too close together so you couldn't actually fit the roll on the holder
-the door to the guest bathroom almost touched the toilet when you opened it, so you had to maneuver around the door and toilet to get out
-floor to ceiling windows that faced west. in texas. That place didn't get below 85° in the summer.
-the living room didnt actually have the wall space for a couch (windows, fireplace, short walls at weird angles) so the couch had to float in the middle of the room, which I hate
These are all design problems. This was the best looking and worst functioning apartment I ever had.
posted by LizBoBiz at 4:38 AM on September 3, 2021 [5 favorites]
Through our forty plus years of marriage, we've moved way too much and we suffered through a lot of kitchen nightmares. We have now been over a decade in the house we own (my parents' house) and while there is a lot to not like, the kitchen is big enough to get nearly anything done in. Just a month ago this small town had a big celebration and we had four in the kitchen working at at time. No one got in another's way. The cabinets are at a low height because my mom was a fucking hobbit but we live with it.
I read that NYTimes article on the fridges of the rich and DAMN, I want that ice-maker. I want it bad.
posted by Ber at 11:37 AM on September 3, 2021 [1 favorite]
I read that NYTimes article on the fridges of the rich and DAMN, I want that ice-maker. I want it bad.
posted by Ber at 11:37 AM on September 3, 2021 [1 favorite]
I read that NYTimes article on the fridges of the rich and DAMN, I want that ice-maker. I want it bad.
All I could think of was that time on The Drew Carey Show where Drew and his girlfriend had a musical fantasy about their dream fridge.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:13 PM on September 4, 2021
All I could think of was that time on The Drew Carey Show where Drew and his girlfriend had a musical fantasy about their dream fridge.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:13 PM on September 4, 2021
oneirodynia, those pictures you linked to just look like regular subdivisions to me, they don't have the useless, mismatched flourishes that are the hallmark of the McMansion, or even 3-car garages
I actually took at least one of the photos from McMansion Hell (I'm not going to go looking for it again now). These are exactly the houses that have been called McMansions since the 90s, i.e. the fast-food version of the American Dream. As David Brooks put it in 2004, "it's a 3,200-square-foot middle-class home built to look like a 7,000-square-foot starter palace for the nouveaux riche." These houses are on clear-cut lots, with soaring entryways, multi-car garages, several gables, clearly oversized for their land. A soaring entryway and multiple gables on tract homes *are* unnecessary- there's no reason for those roof lines to exist other than visual aspiration to be something more than they are. Hence the "Mc": cookie-cutter, mass produced for the common person, even if that means cramming them on to tiny lots so the developer can make some money. I remember when one of the above subdivisions was built as it was on my commute.
Not all of them have *all* the external bullshit and I think the idea that they must is a misunderstanding of where the term came from (and thanks in large part to McMansion Hell).
When you build a "McMansion" for rich people it's just a mansion, no matter how ugly. You have to have some element of mass production and excess combined. If it's not the McDonald's of mansions it's not a McMansion. That is the defining characteristic.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:28 PM on September 8, 2021 [6 favorites]
I actually took at least one of the photos from McMansion Hell (I'm not going to go looking for it again now). These are exactly the houses that have been called McMansions since the 90s, i.e. the fast-food version of the American Dream. As David Brooks put it in 2004, "it's a 3,200-square-foot middle-class home built to look like a 7,000-square-foot starter palace for the nouveaux riche." These houses are on clear-cut lots, with soaring entryways, multi-car garages, several gables, clearly oversized for their land. A soaring entryway and multiple gables on tract homes *are* unnecessary- there's no reason for those roof lines to exist other than visual aspiration to be something more than they are. Hence the "Mc": cookie-cutter, mass produced for the common person, even if that means cramming them on to tiny lots so the developer can make some money. I remember when one of the above subdivisions was built as it was on my commute.
Not all of them have *all* the external bullshit and I think the idea that they must is a misunderstanding of where the term came from (and thanks in large part to McMansion Hell).
When you build a "McMansion" for rich people it's just a mansion, no matter how ugly. You have to have some element of mass production and excess combined. If it's not the McDonald's of mansions it's not a McMansion. That is the defining characteristic.
posted by oneirodynia at 12:28 PM on September 8, 2021 [6 favorites]
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