Living the Good Life
September 21, 2021 3:28 PM Subscribe
What does a good life look like to you? “For some, the phrase may conjure up images of a close-knit family, a steady job, and a Victorian house at the end of a street arched with oak trees. Others may focus on the goal of making a difference in the world, whether by working as a nurse or teacher, volunteering, or pouring their energy into environmental activism…
But a new paper, published in the American Psychological Association’s Psychological Review, suggests there’s a another way to live a good life. It isn’t focused on happiness or purpose, but rather it’s a life that’s ‘psychologically rich.’ What is a psychologically rich life? …It’s one characterized by ‘interesting experiences in which novelty and/or complexity are accompanied by profound changes in perspective.’”
Do you need to be WEIRD (Western, educated, industrialized, rich, and democratic) to have a psychologically rich life? Certainly having adequate leisure time can facilitate psychological richness, but WEIRD people have a strange relationship with leisure. Some say the way we view free time is making us less happy.
But a new paper, published in the American Psychological Association’s Psychological Review, suggests there’s a another way to live a good life. It isn’t focused on happiness or purpose, but rather it’s a life that’s ‘psychologically rich.’ What is a psychologically rich life? …It’s one characterized by ‘interesting experiences in which novelty and/or complexity are accompanied by profound changes in perspective.’”
Do you need to be WEIRD (Western, educated, industrialized, rich, and democratic) to have a psychologically rich life? Certainly having adequate leisure time can facilitate psychological richness, but WEIRD people have a strange relationship with leisure. Some say the way we view free time is making us less happy.
> Have we forgotten how to enjoy free time?
I got 99 problems, but that ain't one.
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:44 PM on September 21, 2021 [23 favorites]
I got 99 problems, but that ain't one.
posted by The Card Cheat at 4:44 PM on September 21, 2021 [23 favorites]
My idea of a good life has evolved significantly over the past five years as I’ve started to ease into financial security, thanks to a decent job and good fortune at not having another major health catastrophe recently.
My free time is, more and more, spent relaxing in bed while surfing the Internet and streaming videos. The AC blowing a cool breeze. Clean cotton sheets, an electric blanket set on low, and comfy pillows. A hot cup of tea (with extra cream and honey) on the nightstand beside me. Being able to breathe deeply and not be in pain. Currently, blissfully, not having to deal with relationship drama or house maintenance drama or how will I pay my bills drama, etc.
I occasionally reflect on how I’m not doing anybody any “good” by spending my downtime this way. I’m not raising children or out feeding the hungry or helping foster kittens. But I teach during the day and have spent decades in activism and community development before now, and my chronic illness gets in the way of more energetic pursuits. And I donate a fair bit, financially. So I don’t feel too much guilt or pressure to go out and be all that active these days.
That I now have this freedom to spend some of my evenings in this insular, self-indulgent, absolutely aimless comfort strikes me as an incredible development after spending decades barely hanging on to financial stability by my fingernails.
It honestly feels like winning the lottery just to not have to worry about the basic comforts, and just be able to enjoy a simple pleasure of relaxation in a safe, comfortable bedroom. It feels like so many people are not able to have that, and it’s one of my great desires that everyone could have this option.
posted by darkstar at 5:03 PM on September 21, 2021 [74 favorites]
My free time is, more and more, spent relaxing in bed while surfing the Internet and streaming videos. The AC blowing a cool breeze. Clean cotton sheets, an electric blanket set on low, and comfy pillows. A hot cup of tea (with extra cream and honey) on the nightstand beside me. Being able to breathe deeply and not be in pain. Currently, blissfully, not having to deal with relationship drama or house maintenance drama or how will I pay my bills drama, etc.
I occasionally reflect on how I’m not doing anybody any “good” by spending my downtime this way. I’m not raising children or out feeding the hungry or helping foster kittens. But I teach during the day and have spent decades in activism and community development before now, and my chronic illness gets in the way of more energetic pursuits. And I donate a fair bit, financially. So I don’t feel too much guilt or pressure to go out and be all that active these days.
That I now have this freedom to spend some of my evenings in this insular, self-indulgent, absolutely aimless comfort strikes me as an incredible development after spending decades barely hanging on to financial stability by my fingernails.
It honestly feels like winning the lottery just to not have to worry about the basic comforts, and just be able to enjoy a simple pleasure of relaxation in a safe, comfortable bedroom. It feels like so many people are not able to have that, and it’s one of my great desires that everyone could have this option.
posted by darkstar at 5:03 PM on September 21, 2021 [74 favorites]
the way we chase top-notch leisure experiences has made recreation more stressful ... High expectations may clash with our experienced reality, making it feel anti-climactic
Around 700 years ago, Kenkō's Essays in Idleness, a.k.a. The Harvest of Leisure, offered a solution that I think isn't exactly captured in the article but that has meant a lot to me:
Around 700 years ago, Kenkō's Essays in Idleness, a.k.a. The Harvest of Leisure, offered a solution that I think isn't exactly captured in the article but that has meant a lot to me:
Should we only be interested to view the cherry blossoms at their peak, or the moon when it is full? To yearn for the moon when it is raining, or to be closed up in ones room, failing to notice the passing of Spring, is far more moving. Treetops just before they break into blossom, or gardens strewn with fallen flowers are just as worthy of notice. There is much to see in them. Is it any less wonderful to say, in the preface to a poem, that it was written on viewing the cherry blossoms just after they had peaked, or that something had prevented one from seeing them altogether, than to say "on seeing the cherry blossoms"? Of course not. Flowers fall and the moon sets, these are the cyclic things of the worldposted by Wobbuffet at 5:04 PM on September 21, 2021 [53 favorites]
I just… Aristotle? Ulysses? I feel like it's not really complicated. People want a comfortable home, satisfying food, the security to have a family of their choosing, free time to enjoy their life, and compassionate care when they are injured, ill, or aging. Not just 'WEIRD' people, but all people, everywhere. Living through a war or being unemployed provides the psychological richness that leads to a good life? Come on.
posted by ob1quixote at 5:24 PM on September 21, 2021 [18 favorites]
posted by ob1quixote at 5:24 PM on September 21, 2021 [18 favorites]
What does a good life look like to you?
ONLY ONE ANSWER TO THIS QUESTION IS ACCEPTABLE
posted by lalochezia at 6:30 PM on September 21, 2021 [9 favorites]
What does a good life look like to you?
Felicity Kendal in a muddy jumper, doing that thing where she's very cross with Tom because she overhears him from the other room talking about the excitement of designing a building again; then he reveals the finished drawings to her near the end of the episode and she realizes that the 'building' was a shed for the dairy goat all along, it was meant to be a surprise, and she makes that big eyed Oh-I've-been-such-a-fool-forgive-me face?
Oh wait, that's The good life, nvm.
posted by bartleby at 7:39 PM on September 21, 2021 [9 favorites]
Felicity Kendal in a muddy jumper, doing that thing where she's very cross with Tom because she overhears him from the other room talking about the excitement of designing a building again; then he reveals the finished drawings to her near the end of the episode and she realizes that the 'building' was a shed for the dairy goat all along, it was meant to be a surprise, and she makes that big eyed Oh-I've-been-such-a-fool-forgive-me face?
Oh wait, that's The good life, nvm.
posted by bartleby at 7:39 PM on September 21, 2021 [9 favorites]
I kind of gave up on the idea of "living a good life" a few years ago. Although I have food on my table, clothes on my back and a roof over my head, I endure every day in physical and emotional pain. I'm reminded of Blake's Auguries of Innocence:
Some are Born to Sweet Delight,
Some are Born to Endless Night.
We are led to Believe a lie
When we see not Thro' the Eye
Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night,
When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light.
God Appears, and God is Light
To those poor souls who dwell in Night,
But does a Human Form Display
To those who Dwell in Realms of Day.
I think only someone who has lived his entire life in darkness, as I have, can even grasp was Blake was getting at.
posted by SPrintF at 7:45 PM on September 21, 2021 [10 favorites]
Some are Born to Sweet Delight,
Some are Born to Endless Night.
We are led to Believe a lie
When we see not Thro' the Eye
Which was Born in a Night to perish in a Night,
When the Soul Slept in Beams of Light.
God Appears, and God is Light
To those poor souls who dwell in Night,
But does a Human Form Display
To those who Dwell in Realms of Day.
I think only someone who has lived his entire life in darkness, as I have, can even grasp was Blake was getting at.
posted by SPrintF at 7:45 PM on September 21, 2021 [10 favorites]
All I want is a room somewhere
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of chocolate for me to eat
Lots of coal makin' lots of heat
Warm face, warm hands, warm feet
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Oh, so lovely sittin' abso-bloomin'-lutely still
I would never budge till spring
Crept over me window sill
Someone's head restin' on my knee
Warm and tender as he can be
Who takes good care of me
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
posted by Artful Codger at 7:47 PM on September 21, 2021 [19 favorites]
Far away from the cold night air
With one enormous chair
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Lots of chocolate for me to eat
Lots of coal makin' lots of heat
Warm face, warm hands, warm feet
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
Oh, so lovely sittin' abso-bloomin'-lutely still
I would never budge till spring
Crept over me window sill
Someone's head restin' on my knee
Warm and tender as he can be
Who takes good care of me
Oh, wouldn't it be loverly?
posted by Artful Codger at 7:47 PM on September 21, 2021 [19 favorites]
As long as we think of ourselves and make choices based upon comparison with what is good for ourselves at the expense of others, then we will be trapped inside our own heads for eternity. As long as we think of others then we will come out of ourselves into a mutual experience - and there lies life.
posted by Quillcards at 1:52 AM on September 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
posted by Quillcards at 1:52 AM on September 22, 2021 [3 favorites]
Is it entirely fucked up to think of the ending of big fish, and to think that a good life is defined by having those who you loved and who loved you in return with you at the end, and in your ending, for those that loved you to see how much they meant to you, and how deeply you meant to tell them all the things that you never could, and that all those you touched, and who touched you have a chance to meet and exchange stories, and pass on to each other the well wishes and good words they’d heard from you about each and every one of them?
I mean, yeah, I guess some living has to be done in the meantime, but damn, that’s how I’d measure a well lived life.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:08 AM on September 22, 2021 [7 favorites]
I mean, yeah, I guess some living has to be done in the meantime, but damn, that’s how I’d measure a well lived life.
posted by Ghidorah at 4:08 AM on September 22, 2021 [7 favorites]
I can't be alone in responding to this question and its many variants in US life with, "who fucking cares anymore, really?"
I mean, we're doing OK economically and health-wise right now and, even considering that, it's impossible for me not to look into the future with something that alternates between malaise and dread. It's plain that everything is going to get harder and grimmer from here on out, that a large % of the population is just going to get more violent and detached from reality, that the climate will deteriorate, etc. ad nauseum.
"Good life"? I just get up every day and hope quietly that it gets worse at a pace I can manage.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:10 AM on September 22, 2021 [7 favorites]
I mean, we're doing OK economically and health-wise right now and, even considering that, it's impossible for me not to look into the future with something that alternates between malaise and dread. It's plain that everything is going to get harder and grimmer from here on out, that a large % of the population is just going to get more violent and detached from reality, that the climate will deteriorate, etc. ad nauseum.
"Good life"? I just get up every day and hope quietly that it gets worse at a pace I can manage.
posted by ryanshepard at 10:10 AM on September 22, 2021 [7 favorites]
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I think the Chinese curse of 'May you live in interesting times' is overrated - especially in the context of a good life.
posted by Nanukthedog at 4:19 PM on September 21, 2021 [6 favorites]