Although speculative, toxoplasmosis may explain Bond's foolhardy courage
October 23, 2021 6:12 AM   Subscribe

No time to die: An in-depth analysis of James Bond's exposure to infectious agents. "Global travelers, whether tourists or secret agents, are exposed to a smörgåsbord of infectious agents. We hypothesized that agents pre-occupied with espionage and counterterrorism may, at their peril, fail to correctly prioritize travel medicine. To examine our hypothesis, we examined adherence to international travel advice during the 86 international journeys that James Bond was observed to undertake in feature films spanning 1962–2021."
posted by GenericUser (30 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite
 
Bwaaaaaa: “Though we doubt it was intentional, Bond is also likely to have benefitted from his partners relative lack of clothing; in a choice between hosts, a bathing suit provides far greater opportunities for successful blood-feeding.“
posted by DangerIsMyMiddleName at 6:37 AM on October 23, 2021 [5 favorites]


Pussies are well-known vectors for toxoplasmosis.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 6:55 AM on October 23, 2021 [5 favorites]


Catpoop, the name is James Catpoop.
posted by y2karl at 7:06 AM on October 23, 2021




no mister bond I expect you to die
posted by stevil at 7:44 AM on October 23, 2021 [5 favorites]


I can't immediately locate a stream of the snl skit where Chris Parnell as Bond has to call all his sexual partners to tell them about the hundreds of venereal diseases he has, most of which are new to science.

But here's a transcript.
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:57 AM on October 23, 2021 [11 favorites]


Seems legit: The study methodology is quite rigourous, and the list of references is comprehensive.
posted by cynical pinnacle at 8:48 AM on October 23, 2021 [1 favorite]


Pussies are well-known vectors for toxoplasmosis

Shaven, not furred.
posted by chavenet at 9:37 AM on October 23, 2021 [22 favorites]


Here's that VD notification skit Tomorrow is Never Yesterday
posted by olopua at 9:39 AM on October 23, 2021 [2 favorites]


Hypothesis: Bond caught toxoplasma from Blofeld's white fluffy feline overlord. I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL! I mean, oil rig. Er, space station. Um, hollow volcano base?
posted by cstross at 10:16 AM on October 23, 2021 [7 favorites]


hollow volcano base?

No thanks, I'm trying to cut back.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:41 AM on October 23, 2021 [5 favorites]


Daniel Craig is just one year younger than me. Infectious disease is not what is going to get him.

It will be kneeling down to unplug something or plug something in behind his entertainment console that disables him. Either that or he will sleep wrong and wake up with a fucked up neck/back.
posted by srboisvert at 11:57 AM on October 23, 2021 [17 favorites]


hollow volcano base?

Not sure if villain or dominatrix
posted by snuffleupagus at 12:23 PM on October 23, 2021




"On only two occasions is he seen to wash his hands, once after a meal and once after killing an opponent in a mud bath "
posted by storybored at 12:45 PM on October 23, 2021 [3 favorites]


Thanks, that was good fun. The risk threshold reminds me of friend of mine who, as a PhD student in the early 1990s, was sent out to the Developing World to bleed cattle, sheep and goats, capture their DNA and discover previously uncertain evidence about the process of domestication. This is the same bloke who blagged the elderly and proper Keeper of the Provost's War-Chest of Prestigious University to sign off a wodge of folding money from a government grant as cash under the line-item 6.3.1 Bribes. Tales came back of what this youngster was prepared to eat; where he was prepared to sleep; and drinking straight from a field-drain in Egypt; which boggled the mind of us bacon-and-cabbage stay-at-homes. A couple of times, a few days after returning home, he was checked into the Cherry Orchard Fever Hospital in Ballyfermot for observation and flush-through of a wild variety of bacterial and protozoan parasites. As they say, what kills not, fattens and he's now MD of a biotech company valued last year at €50 million. So the risk of setting up and growing a small campus company paid off!
posted by BobTheScientist at 12:52 PM on October 23, 2021 [6 favorites]


Life as infectious disease researcher is indisputably exciting. Daily encounters with life-threatening microorganisms, academic competitors, hostile reviewing committees, and extensive international travel can make for a thrilling career. International espionage is possibly the only profession that overshadows our branch of academia in these respects.

Having done Tropical Disease research for 3 decades now I can assure you that the most dangerous aspect of the job is alcohol poisoning.

Otherwise, kidnapping, gunshot wounds, malaria, and drowning are high on the list.
posted by waving at 1:20 PM on October 23, 2021 [6 favorites]


Pussies are well-known vectors for toxoplasmosis

The most common vector is actually undercooked meat, such as wieners.
posted by waving at 1:26 PM on October 23, 2021 [11 favorites]


Two high-ranking sources in Q section reveal that OSHA is presently conducting a forensic analysis of TO&E issues to all 00 and 000 agents. Also, M invited the Unvacs among them not to come to work until they get their bloody shots.
posted by mule98J at 1:32 PM on October 23, 2021 [1 favorite]


Either that or he will sleep wrong and wake up with a fucked up neck/back.

Oy! Just getting up on the wrong side of the bed can be agonizing. Didn't expect that when I was a young spy.
posted by ovvl at 2:02 PM on October 23, 2021 [1 favorite]


I sincerely hope that the CDC acknowledges the authors use of their resources.
posted by tafetta, darling! at 6:35 PM on October 23, 2021


posted by BobTheScientist at 3:52 PM on October 23

That's the thing about Brits. I can never be sure whether they're sincere or just taking the piss.
posted by ZenMasterThis at 7:42 PM on October 23, 2021 [2 favorites]


It’s always both.
posted by snuffleupagus at 8:09 PM on October 23, 2021 [3 favorites]


Cherry Orchard Fever Hospital can’t possibly be real, right?

Also, I’d to be happy to hear more from Tropical Disease Research: Cautionary Tales of High Adventure for Children and Adults Alike.
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 9:19 PM on October 23, 2021 [1 favorite]


(Okay, I Googled it.)
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 9:24 PM on October 23, 2021 [1 favorite]


If you like this, you might enjoy Ain't Got Time to Bleed: Medical Reports on Hollywood's Greatest Action Heroes, 29 case studies looking at just what sort of shape some of our favourite screen characters would realistically be in by the end of their movies.
posted by Major Clanger at 2:42 AM on October 24, 2021 [2 favorites]


"In the Louisiana bayou, Bond is forced to choose between being eaten alive by hungry crocodiles and alligators or handling raw chicken to distract them. In a possibly short-sighted move, he chooses the latter and fails to wash his hands, neglecting both the risk of bacterial infection"

Why is this SO FUNNY
posted by Omnomnom at 4:39 AM on October 24, 2021 [4 favorites]


I've spoke to my editor, we're considering doing a similar piece on food but neither of us wants to watch all the Bond movies.
posted by b33j at 7:25 AM on October 24, 2021 [2 favorites]


Back in my misspent youth I was reading through through all the James Bond books, and seeing the movies, the original ones with Sean. In one of the books, he gets strapped onto some wicked exercise machine and then exercised to near death. He ended up in hospital for a few days. In the movie, a comely lady rushes in after a period of deadly exercise, and after a few seconds of catching his breath, they collapse into the machine for a period of what you expect. So can we assume that maybe the books are .007 more realistic than the films?
posted by njohnson23 at 9:23 AM on October 24, 2021


BobTheScientist, I have a sneaking suspicion that if you said your colleague's name I'd know them at least by reputation, quite possibly in person.
posted by wintermind at 6:45 PM on October 24, 2021


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