They Bought A Blender

January 8, 2022 7:54 AM

Three weeks later, the cats are still holding it hostage. Happy Caturday
posted by briank (63 comments total)

This is the best WaPo article ever.
posted by Melismata at 7:59 AM on January 8, 2022 [9 favorites]

SpaceX Starlink Dish 'Snow Melt Mode' Warmth Attracts Cats. Happy Caturday
posted by cenoxo at 8:06 AM on January 8, 2022 [18 favorites]

"The couple gave up on smoothies and started eating homemade ice cream."
posted by hippybear at 8:22 AM on January 8, 2022 [13 favorites]

“That is not how cats work.”
posted by Orlop at 8:22 AM on January 8, 2022 [15 favorites]

Who run the world? Cats (cats)
-Beyoncé
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:28 AM on January 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

> Who run the world? Cats (cats)
-Beyoncé

Meowncé, surely.
posted by tonycpsu at 8:36 AM on January 8, 2022 [14 favorites]

Any non-paywalled links to the article?
posted by Snowflake at 8:48 AM on January 8, 2022 [7 favorites]

Three cats vying for occupation of the box leaving the box entirely attended by a cat for weeks and weeks? That's the story. Maybe archive.today would have it for you to read.
posted by hippybear at 8:50 AM on January 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

Archive link
posted by migurski at 8:55 AM on January 8, 2022 [14 favorites]

this is 50% of the reason the air fryer my wife got as a work service anniversary present is still in the box.

(The other 50% is we're not sure where to put it.)
posted by MrGuilt at 9:28 AM on January 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

Ha, this is someone I know. Pretty funny seeing this show up here.
posted by dorothy hawk at 9:31 AM on January 8, 2022 [11 favorites]

Sorry, didn't realize it was a paywalled story. Thanks for the Archive.org link, migurski.
posted by briank at 9:34 AM on January 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

They bought a blender, cat jumps on the box, they snap a picture. Is there more?

Yeah, somehow they forgot for THREE STRAIGHT WEEKS that the average human outweighs the average cat by quite a bit, and it's entirely possible for the human to just pick the damn cat up off the box.

...Upon review: my apologies to your friends, dorothy hawk, but come on, why are they so afraid of pulling rank here? And I say this as a one-time mom to a cat who could get similarly stubborn and fighty, and actually once literally beat his vet up. At some point you have got to establish dominance, and you do that by knocking the cat off the box so you can use the damn blender you ordered and have owned for three weeks, for God's sake.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:37 AM on January 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Because leaving the cats to own the box for weeks and sharing it all with the internet gives them far more joy than a functional blender ever would.

I say, money well spent even if they never get that smoothie.
posted by seanmpuckett at 9:42 AM on January 8, 2022 [79 favorites]

Criminy, it’s just a fun story. Maybe folks need to go be grouchy in another thread? From TFA:

The truth is, the couple says, this could be easily resolved. The cats are not particularly heavy. But they are having fun, the cats are having fun, the Internet is having fun, and people — pushed back into their houses and masks after two years of a pandemic — need fun right now. Many of the comments on Jessica’s posts express the need for something bright during the dark omicron days.
“This is just so silly and sweet and kind of wholesome,” Jessica said. “And if our cats and me thinking I’m funny are providing that fun, why on Earth would we interrupt that? Like, the blender will still be there.”
posted by Orange Dinosaur Slide at 9:43 AM on January 8, 2022 [43 favorites]

For cat persons they don't seem to understand. The cats want to be IN the box. They are waiting for it to be opened and emptied. Then they fits and sits.

Duh. :)
posted by Splunge at 9:53 AM on January 8, 2022 [22 favorites]

For those with paywall blues, try Bypass Paywalls Clean. Pretty sure there's one for Chrome as well.
posted by Splunge at 9:56 AM on January 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

EmpressCallipygos you kick Miette's body like the football? ONE THOUSAND YEARS!!!!!

srsly yeah this is funny but the cat is not actually really in charge here. I know, I have 2 of them and I am totally in charge here. no, really!
posted by supermedusa at 10:28 AM on January 8, 2022 [11 favorites]

I confess that, when I want to change the sheets on my bed, I wait until the younger cat is a) out of the bedroom and b) distracted. Then I shut the door and change the sheets. Otherwise, it takes twice as long, since she wants to lay on everything and grab at the sheets, blankets, and my hands.
posted by GenjiandProust at 10:32 AM on January 8, 2022 [20 favorites]

I’ve been watching this unfold on a FB cat group. It’s not really that funny to me, but I do appreciate their commitment to the story and narrative style.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 10:36 AM on January 8, 2022

EmpressCallipygos you kick Miette's body like the football? ONE THOUSAND YEARS!!!!!

Taking you seriously for a moment - er, no, just....place hands on cat, grasp gently-but-firmly, lift cat up.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:47 AM on January 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

Hey, as long as everyone is having fun.

That said, I am really surprised all 3 cats have stayed interested in this for literal weeks.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:48 AM on January 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Happy Caturday! Thanks for posting!
posted by cynical pinnacle at 10:49 AM on January 8, 2022

Taking you seriously for a moment - er, no, just....place hands on cat, grasp gently-but-firmly, lift cat up.

But there are three cats, two humans, and as soon as one cat leaves the box, another jumps up!

I love this so much. I even screenshotted the whole surprisingly long article to share with my sister before I saw the non-paywalled link in here.
posted by carolr at 10:51 AM on January 8, 2022 [7 favorites]

That said, I am really surprised all 3 cats have stayed interested in this for literal weeks.


Yeah, like, they can't stop now. We have to see how long they stay obsessed with the box! FOR SCIENCE.

Though I also want to know what happens if they get the three other boxes.

Either there's something special about the original box, or there's not; either way it's interesting.
posted by BrashTech at 11:05 AM on January 8, 2022 [7 favorites]

I confess that, when I want to change the sheets on my bed, I wait until the younger cat is a) out of the bedroom and b) distracted.

My unsolicited advice then is never get a Boerboel.
posted by y2karl at 11:34 AM on January 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

The box is a return, it actually contains Trader Joe's ciabatta
posted by tigrrrlily at 11:37 AM on January 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

In case we need a visual on the "you kick Miette" joke.
posted by corey flood at 11:39 AM on January 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

EmpressCallipygos

it's a reference to this, I promise no cats have been kicked (I would never!)

https://twitter.com/tricialockwood/status/1108102037072433153?lang=en
posted by supermedusa at 11:44 AM on January 8, 2022

Clearly the solution is to get a slightly taller box.
posted by adamrice at 11:55 AM on January 8, 2022

They have tried other boxes. One cat leaves the blender box, another cat claims the blender box.

Can I say "bravo" for giving their cat co-habitants full autonomy in this situation and not exerting control over their expressed interests through sheer overwhelming force? I think they are kind cat owners and respecting of their cats' personhoods. Um.. personshood. Um... something.
posted by hippybear at 11:58 AM on January 8, 2022 [7 favorites]

Thank you for sharing.
I literally LOLled.
posted by cheshyre at 12:07 PM on January 8, 2022

Lol, nice to know mine is not the only household where the fur-kids are in charge.
posted by rpfields at 12:15 PM on January 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

cats' personhoods. Um.. personshood

hippybear ok, Pam

#teamjorts
posted by supermedusa at 1:35 PM on January 8, 2022 [8 favorites]

I think we are misunderstanding the cats’ motives. They want to keep the loud-thing-that-sounds-like-a-vacuum in the box, and not in use. They are taking shifts. All the fun back-and-forth? That’s just cats being jerks and endearing at the same time. THAT is how cats work.
posted by MrGuilt at 3:39 PM on January 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Well huh, we've had a 12 pack of beer sitting on top of a virgin-box Nutribullet on our basement landing for over a year now and while it's been a source of amusement between the two of us I never once considered whether that's entertainment as in is-there-a-facebook-group or could-it-go-viral because beer not cats
posted by thecincinnatikid at 4:14 PM on January 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

The picture shows that the box is just tall enough to get up on and stretch across to the counter and see what's up. I sympathize with this. My cats push me around quite a bit. They have a routine with bedmaking. They are not allowed up there to sleep while I sleep. But when the sun comes up, that territory becomes theirs. I have a huge quilted comfortor that is their layer for the daytime. So, I make the underbed, my blankets, pillows and all. As Soon as I start pulling their big comfortor across the top, they are both up there, whether it is smooth and made or not. I tell them how hard it is to make the bed with them on it, EVERY morning. Then I pet them and tell them they are my kitty boys and all the rest of you know, the stuff we tell our cats. Thus every day begins. I have already fed them because just before sunrise is when they want that. They do not mess with the bed until I start making it. If I leave it unmade, it doesn't exist.
posted by Oyéah at 6:07 PM on January 8, 2022 [8 favorites]

This is exactly what the Pope was talking about! You can't discipline cats like you would your kids.
posted by BlueHorse at 6:33 PM on January 8, 2022 [6 favorites]

I am 99% sure that when the empty boxes arrive, the cats will ignore them in favor of Favorite Box.
posted by trillian at 7:31 AM on January 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

Gasp, these cats have unionized!
posted by OnTheLastCastle at 10:10 AM on January 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

This is exactly what the Pope was talking about! You can't discipline cats like you would your kids.

Similar to this was when I was a kid, I used to wonder why if humans could breed dogs to the size of small horses, why couldn't they do that with cats? Of course, my family hadn't had a cat since I was 3. Next time we got a cat, I quickly realized a cat the size of an average dog could and would easily kill you if you pissed it off. Nice kitty kitty kitty, come here! *kiss* *kiss* *kiss*
posted by y2karl at 10:46 AM on January 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

Unbox it; I think the cats might want to worship it. Or dominate it. I love WaPo for publishing this endearing story, and briank for posting it here.
posted by theora55 at 11:43 AM on January 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

This is a delight.
posted by The Adventure Begins at 12:50 PM on January 9, 2022

That said, I am really surprised all 3 cats have stayed interested in this for literal weeks.

So.... having bought that blender in the past, I am not super surprised the cats are remaining very into it. And I bet you a dollar they won't be persuaded by the empty boxes, too... unless the humans think about why the box is so nice to sit on and modify them to suit.

See, cats are social, and they like to feel included. They are also small and they like to not get stepped on, and also to get to peer at things from a new direction. This box is quite tall, wide enough for a cat to sit very comfortably while small enough to remain in the middle of things, and before opening (while still full of blender) it is heavy enough that a large cat can happily jump onto and off of it without destabilizing it or tipping it over. An empty box, even if it gets taped shut so it stays being a nice cat platform, will not be so heavy and comfortingly stable, so it won't be as valuable as a place to sit and perch for the cats.

All that said.... that's a $300 blender set. Insofar as I am delighted by these cat lesbians (and I am; the whole thing is really cute); I'm amused by their commitment to a funny bit and their desire to seek joy. I do hope that eventually, for the sake of the cats, they get round to tucking a bag of play sand into the box as a cat perch for the future. That way everyone can be happy!
posted by sciatrix at 4:03 PM on January 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

I confess that, when I want to change the sheets on my bed, I wait until the younger cat is a) out of the bedroom and b) distracted. Then I shut the door and change the sheets. Otherwise, it takes twice as long, since she wants to lay on everything and grab at the sheets, blankets, and my hands.

Same as with a toddler.

The trick is to have many beds and do them all at once since the cat/toddler can only disrupt one bed.
posted by WaterAndPixels at 4:34 PM on January 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

since the cat/toddler can only disrupt one bed.

Have you met a cat?
posted by GenjiandProust at 6:12 PM on January 9, 2022 [6 favorites]

I am typing this in the least ergonomic position possible because a tuxedo cat is draped across my arm and there's nothing I can do about this situation. I understand what these women are going through.
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:07 PM on January 9, 2022 [11 favorites]

My mother bought a new coffee maker, and after we set it up, the box was still on the counter and one of her cats, Siobhan, decided he was going to sit on this tallish box on the counter pretty much any time he was awake. I ended up putting bricks in it for weight and duct-taping it closed, and it lived on the counter taking up space until Siobhan died.

And tbh, I believe the taped-up box is still in the garage. I’m pretty sure I couldn’t bring myself to throw it out, so I stashed it in there.
posted by MexicanYenta at 2:18 AM on January 10, 2022 [9 favorites]

At last -- at long, long last -- I was in on some internet thing from the start, as they were posting in one of my Facebook cat groups from Day One of the standoff. Awesome, hilarious people.
posted by Occula at 9:31 AM on January 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

Good news is that according to the facebook group they got the empty boxes (flatpacked) and put one box up (appropriately filled with something inside) and a cat went onto it. (I'm not sure if the image link works as the group is private.)
posted by jeather at 6:19 PM on January 10, 2022 [5 favorites]

I would mock this situation except that when I bought a new office chair several years ago, the cats really enjoyed the box it came in and that's why there's a very large box on the floor of my kitchen, still. And pretty much every day the cats jump in and out of it and generally enjoy it. At least I got the chair out of it first.
posted by rmd1023 at 7:41 PM on January 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

Response from Vitamix.
posted by jenfullmoon at 5:33 AM on January 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

The Vitamix response was priceless!
posted by kathrynm at 10:35 AM on January 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

OMIGOD the third cat's look of distress, jeather!!!
posted by tigrrrlily at 8:38 AM on January 12, 2022

I love everything about this.

Truly there's nothing heavier than a cat who's decided on their spot. Yesterday's Nosy's spot was my new cozy jacket. I didn't notice until it was time to take my stupid walk for my stupid mental health, and our usual house rule is that it's illegal to move a cat.

Well, we were in a hurry and he had both my electric blanket and his heated bed to choose from. Usually, he'll agree to a gentle scootch, but instead he turned up his personal gravity field to 1000% and long story long - he kept the jacket for the day.
posted by Space Kitty at 9:25 AM on January 12, 2022 [4 favorites]

my stupid walk for my stupid mental health

Space Kitty I love all of this comment but now I am picturing you as that grumpy eagle going for a walk.
posted by supermedusa at 11:24 AM on January 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

Some days I'm the eagle, some days I'm the cat.
posted by Space Kitty at 1:24 PM on January 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

Cats have figured out the fake box trick. (Apologies if the link doesn't work, it comes from a now unlocked page about them, Temperamental Chucklefuck and Friends.)
posted by jeather at 7:57 AM on January 13, 2022 [1 favorite]

I bet a cat can tell the difference between an empty and full box.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:40 AM on January 13, 2022

They filled the decoy box, albeit not with an expensive blender.
posted by jeather at 10:51 AM on January 13, 2022

I'm sure the cats noticed the difference somehow. Maaaaaaaaaaybe if a similar dead blender had been put into the box, but either way, cats probably know which one you wanted vs. which one you didn't.

Maybe what they need to do is get some OTHER precious object in a box into the house and pay more attention to that one, so the cats will block that one instead?
posted by jenfullmoon at 12:18 PM on January 13, 2022

I wasn't expecting this plot twist, but it does bode well for having the series continue.
posted by hippybear at 9:02 PM on January 13, 2022 [1 favorite]

I can't see the FB account... are there any updates?
posted by hippybear at 8:07 PM on January 19, 2022