#ThresholdDay
January 28, 2022 10:17 AM   Subscribe

In which London's venerable Vagina Museum asks and answers the burning question: did Paris and Janeway fuck? If so, how did they fuck? [SLtwitter thread/threadreader alt]

p.s. from the VM: "If you'd like to read the paper challenging patriachal assumptions about how salamanders have sex and take something useful from this cursed thread, here you go."
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs (44 comments total) 25 users marked this as a favorite


 
I guess it's important for museums to axalot of questions.
posted by zamboni at 10:26 AM on January 28 [65 favorites]


I am theoretically working from home right now. Yet I just took the time to read a twitter thread about salamander sex in relation to an episode of Star Trek Voyager I barely remember from the 1990s. How bad should I feel about myself?
posted by OnceUponATime at 10:40 AM on January 28 [5 favorites]


I read it for the Newtonian physics.
posted by clavdivs at 10:42 AM on January 28 [11 favorites]


I have the toy of Tom Paris from threshold and the look in his eyes tell me, yes, they very much did fuck-- who wouldn't in that situation, you can't even begin to fathom the joy of their advanced forms.
posted by GoblinHoney at 10:43 AM on January 28 [3 favorites]


Metafilter: Thank you for reading. We're sorry.
posted by BungaDunga at 10:43 AM on January 28 [13 favorites]


As discussed on fanfare: Star Trek Voyager: Threshold (Rewatch)
posted by Kyol at 10:51 AM on January 28 [5 favorites]


Look, they were 70,000 light years from home, traditional command structures had broken down, they had these new bodies and nothing else to do, they are explorers -- it was inevitable.

I do find it hilarious how in this was Never Mentioned Again, no matter how many times Paris visited his father issues or fatherhood itself.
posted by Capt. Renault at 10:51 AM on January 28 [7 favorites]


If Janeway and Paris engaged in external fertilisation, they would have undertaken a manoeuvre called amplexus. Tom Paris would have come up behind Captain Janeway and embraced her with his forelimbs. They would position their cloacas close together.
I love the internet.
posted by fight or flight at 10:59 AM on January 28 [8 favorites]


I do wonder how how reliable memories could be when transferring between the sensoria of different clades. Who's to say what exactly went down in their pee-poo holes? Maybe not even them.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 11:02 AM on January 28 [1 favorite]


Metafilter: a multipurpose hole for pee, poo and reproduction
posted by Hairy Lobster at 11:06 AM on January 28 [7 favorites]


Ending your thread with a thank you and an apology is always the sure sign of quality content.
posted by Zargon X at 11:14 AM on January 28 [4 favorites]


Upon reading the post: What in the hell are they talking about?!?!

Upon seeing the picture of the newts: Oh, THAT episode...
posted by AlonzoMosleyFBI at 11:23 AM on January 28 [3 favorites]


According to @TrekCulture:
If you start watching 'Threshold' at precisely 11:18:48pm tonight, it will be #ThresholdDay when Paris and Janeway's babies pop out of the hole.
posted by fight or flight at 11:35 AM on January 28 [3 favorites]


I am theoretically working from home right now. Yet I just took the time to read a twitter thread about salamander sex in relation to an episode of Star Trek Voyager I barely remember from the 1990s. How bad should I feel about myself?

I'm theoretically working from a "temporary" site that we moved to at the start of the pandemic, and I took time to read this thread as well. I think you should feel great about yourself.
posted by kittensofthenight at 11:41 AM on January 28 [4 favorites]


Metafilter: I think you should feel great about yourself.
posted by Occula at 11:44 AM on January 28 [10 favorites]


“So why are Janeway and Paris so embarrassed about what happened at the end of the episode? Welp, there's a lot of courtship rituals which would have happened before Janeway picked up Paris's cum parcel with her pee-poo hole lips.”
posted by sixswitch at 11:51 AM on January 28 [4 favorites]


As discussed on fanfare: Star Trek Voyager: Threshold (Rewatch)

I can only highly recommend everyone take a moment of your life to click that link and enjoy that post's tags.
posted by mstokes650 at 11:55 AM on January 28 [4 favorites]


I didn't know I needed this Twitter thread today, but turns out I needed it.
posted by caution live frogs at 12:00 PM on January 28 [4 favorites]


> Janeway picked up Paris's cum parcel with her pee-poo hole lips.

How do I unread something?
posted by Godspeed.You!Black.Emperor.Penguin at 12:24 PM on January 28 [7 favorites]


The Trouble with Tribbles.
posted by clavdivs at 12:44 PM on January 28


I'd never given much thought to the fate of their young left behind. I mused once before about all the stuff that we learn later must be going on offscreen when TNG begins; now I suppose that while Picard and later seasons of Discovery are going on, there are presumably oversized gecko descendants of Janeway and Paris living their lizard lives on a planet in the Delta quadrant.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 12:50 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


Positioning cloacas close together is tight!
posted by kirkaracha at 12:54 PM on January 28 [4 favorites]


Excited for the episode in Disco’s next season called Threshold II. Should be a hoot!
posted by hijinx at 12:55 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


I, for one, welcome our future axot… lotl … slimy lizard thing overlords.

No. Not really. Axo … things … are just too cheerful and they’re spelled weird.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 1:00 PM on January 28


I can forgive them for not being herpetologists but the proper term for the little 'cum parcel' as they call it is a spermatophore and in some species this 'gift' as it's colloquially called has nutritive value!

In salamanders, they are often described as looking like Hershey's kisses, or as this naturalist puts it "salamander candy"

I thought I had a point, but more likely I just like sharing weird animal sex facts and wanted to join the fun. They should be happy they didn't turn into bedbugs, but that's a story for a different thread.
posted by SaltySalticid at 1:05 PM on January 28 [12 favorites]


They boldly went there.
posted by Halloween Jack at 1:20 PM on January 28 [3 favorites]


I though only Romulans and Klingons had cloacing devices?
posted by Kabanos at 1:28 PM on January 28 [24 favorites]


In some salamanders, the pheromone exchange is as simple as Tom Paris fanning his tail at Captain Janeway so she can get a whiff and get in the mood for collecting his sperm package.

Super easy. Barely an inconvenience!
posted by doctornemo at 1:42 PM on January 28 [3 favorites]


I’m reminded of a book my roommate had, called “How Animals Have Sex.”

The authors introduction ended by apologizing for writing the book, but “I don’t understand why I should have to know all this but the rest of you escape scot free.”
posted by thecaddy at 2:06 PM on January 28 [11 favorites]


Oh c'mon, Kabanos's post deserves a lot more favorites! I'm only a casual ST fan and even I thought it was excellent!

then again, this is me we're talking about
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:58 PM on January 28


Super easy. Barely an inconvenience!

Hey, you picked up what I put down!
But not in the spermatophore sense.
posted by kirkaracha at 6:59 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


it is a spermatophore

Recalling Monty Python's classic spermatophore Wuthering Heights skit.
No joy on Julius Caesar on an Aldis lamp.
posted by kirkaracha at 7:03 PM on January 28 [2 favorites]


You know who else is into animal sex and wants to tell you about it? Isabella Rossellini! [YT playlist link]
posted by hippybear at 7:25 PM on January 28 [2 favorites]


Why no Cloaca Museum?
posted by away for regrooving at 8:19 PM on January 28 [2 favorites]


They should be happy they didn't turn into bedbugs, but that's a story for a different thread.

Indeed, that would have been traumatic.

(i regret nothing)
posted by en forme de poire at 9:09 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


Rule 34 suggests that fanfic of that already exists someplace.
posted by hippybear at 9:13 PM on January 28 [1 favorite]


Paris gives The Talk to his children.

Paris: Yes. I pumped out a load of sperm--Boom!--shot it right out on the sand. Then your mother picked it up with her cloaca's prehensile lips and shoved up into that private place grownups use when they want to express mutual...ah, can't think of the human's word for it. Anyhow, three months later you all were hatched. And, so, that's where you all came from.

One of the kids: Um, fine dad. But, see, a kid at school said he came from Cincinnati. I just wanted to know where we came from.
posted by mule98J at 8:00 AM on January 29 [1 favorite]


mule98J, I really enjoy the idea of a space salamander going to a school (presumably for other space salamanders) where one of its little space salamander friends comes from Cincinnati. Thank you for this mental image.

(Or would their space salamander children have enrolled in Starfleet? After all, they have the right to a full Starfleet education, surely, if they decide to follow in their parents', uh, footsteps. Do they qualify as Starfleet citizens? I definitely need Son Of Tom Paris Space Salamander Starfleet Cadet as some DLC for ST:O immediately.)
posted by fight or flight at 8:56 AM on January 29 [2 favorites]


Fun. Also, I'm hoping for future threads regarding interspecies relations in TNG:Genesis.
posted by eotvos at 10:22 AM on January 29


Son Of Tom Paris Space Salamander Starfleet Cadet

Also, an unclaimed MeFi user name!
posted by hippybear at 10:53 AM on January 29 [2 favorites]


Not for long it isn't!
posted by Son Of Tom Paris Space Salamander Starfleet Cadet at 12:38 PM on January 29 [15 favorites]


Here is a very scientific quiz to find out what character from the episode you are.

(I got "Warp 10". Wheee!)
posted by fight or flight at 2:09 PM on January 29


Damnit, fight or flight, I got "Mutated Tom." Which would be fine, but also means I have to eventually become regular Tom. Which isn't entirely wrong, but is painful to hear.
posted by eotvos at 9:01 AM on January 31


I sure didn't log into MetaFilter expecting to read barely disguised Star Trek slash fic this morning, but here we are.
posted by Leeway at 11:06 AM on January 31


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