Thank you. Yes.

February 4, 2022 7:25 AM

Don’t feel too bad. Not everyone is born with talent.

Baffling illustrations from a Scientology handbook, helpfully garnished with thought bubbles.

posted by scratch (36 comments total)

Surprise! Cocaine! Surprise cocaine!
posted by Alex404 at 7:30 AM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

COATRACKS
posted by thivaia at 7:31 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

To be fair, zippy cola is better than AI.
posted by GenjiandProust at 7:37 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

The cocaine man is begging to become a meme template
posted by Doleful Creature at 7:41 AM on February 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

somehow, this explains a lot
posted by philip-random at 7:54 AM on February 4, 2022

Missed this the first time.

I am very confused...

Although, that is probably the point, given the context.
posted by Windopaene at 8:12 AM on February 4, 2022

me am is begging to become a cocaine temple
posted by seanmpuckett at 8:12 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

METAFILTER: Thank you. This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments.
WOMAN: Yes
posted by blakewest at 8:17 AM on February 4, 2022 [12 favorites]

It's simultaneously funny-strange and funny-ha-ha the way these comments are very similar to the (very funny) comments on the original post. Assumed "Differences" Are Not Different.
posted by scratch at 8:43 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Missed this the first time.

Me too. What could have been sucking up all my attention in October 2016?
posted by paper chromatographologist at 9:01 AM on February 4, 2022 [14 favorites]

I previously have mentioned this - a theater company I once worked with received a copy of a Scientology pamphlet about "Art", with a reprint of an essay L. Ron Hubbard wrote on the topic. It was supplemented by a lot of other "yay Scientology" and "Yay L. Ron as an artist" copy and pictures, including stills from various Scientology training films. There was no cover letter, it just sort of....appeared in with the other mail. At the time, we had a sort of lending library in the company bathroom, filled with orphaned books and weird junk mail, so they stuck it in there.

While it wasn't quite this weird, it was....pretty damn close.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:10 AM on February 4, 2022

paper chromatographologist, I almost titled the repost "October 2016, When Things Were Still Funny," but I decided to focus on the coatracks instead.
posted by scratch at 9:11 AM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

And the surprise cocaine.
posted by scratch at 9:13 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Scientology built this production studio in Southern California, to produce videos, still photos, etc. One of the general comments about the videos and photos is how cheap everything looks. “Staged” too. Elron considered himself to be another Cecil B Demented. When you look at these photos, look at the backgrounds. In the early days before they could purchase lighting, they built “rooms” outside to shoot in full sunlight. It’s obvious. The props are wonderful too. Troma films are like Merchant-Ivory films compared to this stuff.
posted by njohnson23 at 9:26 AM on February 4, 2022 [5 favorites]

In 1994 I was in a rockabilly band with a guy that grew up as a Scientologist. I recognize a lot of his vibe in these images, especially the "ATTENTION" and "INTENTION THAT WHAT IS SAID WILL BE UNDERSTOOD".

Though mostly I remember him refusing to ride in the back of the van. I half expected to see a "NOTICE PASSENGER SEAT". Or maybe a "LOOK AROUND HERE AND FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO CARRY YOUR AMP".
posted by a complicated history at 9:32 AM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

My work computer tells me this webpage may be harmful (and not just in a creepy cult religion kind of way, but in a malicious code kind of way).
posted by Glinn at 10:05 AM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

How has no one made "LA Night School: the Miusical" yet? Where have all the creative Scientologists gone?
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:10 AM on February 4, 2022

Oddly, this image is very close to my Catholic gradeschool's lessons about drugs. The bullies were going to try to force me to take cocaine.

Little did I know those drug bullies would become my best friends. Mostly just the weed bullies though, the cocaine bullies were jocks.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:17 AM on February 4, 2022 [2 favorites]

Metafilter:Hipgnosis.
posted by Oyéah at 10:23 AM on February 4, 2022

At the beginning of the pandemic while everyone was Tiger Kinging (which I did eventually get to also; I'm not proud) I went deep into all the Leah Remini - first her series and then her book and then that led me to reading Going Clear. It was like, the world is nuts and everything is scary and out of control but at least I'm not being forced to scrub toilets with my tongue so I can be allowed to have a shirt with buttons again, or whatever.

And I still can't make anything out most of these photos. Free Shelly Miscavige!
posted by Mchelly at 10:31 AM on February 4, 2022 [5 favorites]

So I clicked on the link. It opened another MetaFilter front page. I clicked that link and got Scientology. I was almost hoping the second click would open another MetaFilter front page, and clicking that another, and so on. It's DoublesJubilee all the way down!

Also: Yes.
posted by chavenet at 10:52 AM on February 4, 2022 [7 favorites]

I almost replied to a post that I already replied to six years ago.

I gotta go clear out some engrams before my reactive mind turns me into an SP again.
posted by JoeZydeco at 11:38 AM on February 4, 2022 [5 favorites]

Some of these pictures make more sense when you know they're describing ways of acclimating people to being controlled. It's hard NOT to "notice a wall" when someone tells you to, and then you get rewarded for doing this thing you did automatically, and slowly but surely the things you're asked to do become more complex but the rewards are nice and you don't see any reason to stop yet and by the time you're being asked to do things and learning things that ought to give you pause... you're in too deep to stop.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 12:48 PM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

Missed this the first time.

Notice this thread.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 1:02 PM on February 4, 2022 [4 favorites]

That coat rack, though...!
posted by Foosnark at 1:41 PM on February 4, 2022

It's not just that these models are all blindingly white; it's that the thought bubbles indicate that they can only even imagine whiteness. I can completely picture one of them leaning over to another and anxiously whispering, "I thought I saw a jewish person last week, but it turns out they were just wearing a weird sweater."
posted by phooky at 2:19 PM on February 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

Not knowing how these are intended, I can't help but keep imagining L. Ron Hubbard left Plato's cave and came back and said "The things in your mind? They are just images of the real world that are 100% accurate. You're not missing much. Let's stay inside by the fire wall."
posted by mark k at 4:17 PM on February 4, 2022 [3 favorites]

All the blue shirts, sweaters, jackets. This page is blue. Coincidence or .... ??!!?!???!!!?
posted by Chitownfats at 7:10 PM on February 4, 2022

Wait wait wait does this mean that Scientology doesn't work for people with aphantasia?
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:35 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

thank you
posted by a humble nudibranch at 8:38 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

I hate to be the one spreading scientology manuals, but just to verify that this isn’t all a meme

Felis domesticus?

Also, a black person! Or maybe he was just wearing a weird, blue shirt with too many buttons.

Thank you.
posted by beesbees at 11:35 PM on February 4, 2022 [1 favorite]

I always thought Zippy cola had A1 vibes.
posted by Bob Regular at 4:48 PM on February 5, 2022

That link beesbees posted....it has been fascinating me for several minutes.

Ostensibly it is about the officially-approved Scientology process for "clearing and defining words".

A misunderstood word will remain misunderstood until one clears the meaning of the word. Once the word is fully understood by the person, it is said to be cleared. The first thing to learn is the exact procedure to clear any word or symbol one comes across in reading or studying that he does not understand. All Word Clearing technology uses this procedure.

The rest of the 810 word essay describes the process for clearing a word - a process I can sum up as follows:

When you're reading and you come across a word you don't know, look it up in the dictionary.

....That's....that's it. This handbook spends 810 words describing how and why to use a dictionary.

....Who was Scientology for, again?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:00 PM on February 5, 2022 [1 favorite]

... you come across a word you don't know, look it up in the dictionary.
But not just any dictionary! It has to be a big dictionary to ensure it has definitions of words like 'or'. But it also has to be a dictionary that doesn't have too many meanings for any one word, lest you become lost. Also, don't you dare look at definitions that are technical or historical, because they'll just confuse you!
posted by dg at 6:14 PM on February 6, 2022

It was more the tone that got to me - like the very concept of a dictionary was completely novel. It was almost like this was something written for robots.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:57 AM on February 7, 2022

I also missed this post the first time around. Those images are so creepy. Thanks, OP!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:34 PM on February 7, 2022