Manufactured by Pepsi. Also, blue.

February 18, 2022 4:30 PM

No-knead Gatorade bread. Because it’s finally time for someone to be able to call bread refreshing.
posted by bondcliff (28 comments total)

I wasn't expecting the inside to look like that. I figured it would all just cook away or something and just be normal bread on the inside. Looks better than the no-knead rye/whole-wheat loaf I tried many years ago.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 4:37 PM on February 18, 2022

every flavor of Gatorade is just its color

Fair comment.

Dennis Lee

Would assume Alligator Pie will be a future attempt?
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:39 PM on February 18, 2022 [6 favorites]

refreshing

You keep using that word...
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:41 PM on February 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

thank you for posting this so i didn't have to
posted by cortex at 4:44 PM on February 18, 2022 [5 favorites]

the distinct artificial grape odor I got from this thing, combined with its yeastiness, may have broken my brain a little.

I think it's true, although some damage must have preceded the experiment.
posted by doctornemo at 4:49 PM on February 18, 2022 [8 favorites]

So... if the FDA approves a drink for drinking, it's a given you can cook with it without any resulting adverse health effects?
posted by Selena777 at 4:54 PM on February 18, 2022

Any off-label usage may present some risk to the user.
posted by wordless reply at 5:05 PM on February 18, 2022 [4 favorites]

I can see Gatorade bread paired with koolicles (cucumbers pickled in Kool-Aid). But what does one use for the cheese and hard sausages to go with it?
posted by bartleby at 5:29 PM on February 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

if I don't get some I think I'm going to die.
posted by bonehead at 5:52 PM on February 18, 2022 [8 favorites]

You can get Gatorade powder. I wonder how much you could add for increased colour before the bread stops working.
posted by Mitheral at 5:53 PM on February 18, 2022 [4 favorites]

It's true, no need Gatorade bread!
posted by etherist at 6:07 PM on February 18, 2022 [17 favorites]

Sounds like a lot of things from my grandmother's 80's era small town Methodist church "let's share recipes" cookbook. Totally a bit weird.
posted by zengargoyle at 6:56 PM on February 18, 2022 [4 favorites]

This doesn't even break the top 10 weirdest things turned into bread. It does look very tasty though.
posted by Mr.Encyclopedia at 7:03 PM on February 18, 2022

Grape Gatorade isn’t purple at all, like its namesake fruit. It’s blue and resembles the delicious nectar in a Porta-Potty.

This was the moment at which, reading the article aloud to my increasingly horrified spouse, I completely dissolved into giggles and had to take a break to catch my breath.
posted by sciatrix at 7:06 PM on February 18, 2022 [6 favorites]

This should be Grape Gatorade Sourdough. That way it can really smell like a gym bag before it is cooked.
posted by srboisvert at 7:37 PM on February 18, 2022 [3 favorites]

If it uses real sugar, then it would definitely aid in the proofing (right?). All that sugar for the yeast to feast on.
posted by zardoz at 10:47 PM on February 18, 2022

Brawndo! It's got what eukaryotes craaaave!
posted by bartleby at 10:58 PM on February 18, 2022 [4 favorites]

So weird no-knead bread recipes are a thing ?

PLEASE SHARE LINKS PEOPLE!
posted by Faintdreams at 5:09 AM on February 19, 2022

For instance would this work with Lucozade instead of Gatorade?
posted by Faintdreams at 5:10 AM on February 19, 2022

Various soft drinks in cake recipes have a fairly substantial history.
posted by gimonca at 6:20 AM on February 19, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm from Florida, so I put Gatorade in the ice cream maker one time, resulting in a sorbet of sorts that was oddly… chewy?
posted by wreckingball at 6:24 AM on February 19, 2022 [3 favorites]

"I do not know what “Riptide Rush” actually means. I’d describe its flavor as “pale purple,” which happens to be its color, because every flavor of Gatorade is just its color."

Truth. My favorite flavor of $electolyebeverage is blue.
posted by kathrynm at 8:03 AM on February 19, 2022

I mean, if you want blue bread, just add food dye. Why bring something as industrial as Gatorade into it?
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 8:05 AM on February 19, 2022 [1 favorite]

> Why bring something as industrial as Gatorade into it?

Because it's there.
posted by The corpse in the library at 10:11 AM on February 19, 2022 [3 favorites]

This Substack is a treasure. I spent a good chunk of last night giggling about the Seasonal Affective Smoothie and the other articles.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 11:16 AM on February 19, 2022 [2 favorites]

This line was pretty great: "The sound of Spaghetti-O’s being poured into a pie crust is one that’s worth experiencing, at least once."

These ones were horrific but hilarious:

Beef Fizz and Clam Sweat

S'moysters
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 11:23 AM on February 19, 2022 [2 favorites]

I bet the food* scientists at GatorCorp could make a bundle by inventing that dehydrated hyperfungus Star Wars Bread as 'post-workout functional carbohydrate replacement' or something. You keep a few packets in your desk, along with a toothpaste tube of I Can't Believe It's Not Algae! for when you have to skip lunch.
posted by bartleby at 2:04 PM on February 19, 2022 [1 favorite]

although some damage must have preceded the experiment.

I subscribe to his substack and I can assure you this is true. As a randomly chosen example - oyster s'mores.
posted by Ashwagandha at 6:22 AM on February 20, 2022 [1 favorite]