Subdermal compliments

March 21, 2022 4:42 PM

You so truly know your inner plankton, it is a revelation not unlike discovering an impacted toll booth upon the plains of Patagonia. Spread a little off-kilter, approbatory joy with the The Surrealist Compliment Generator.
posted by youarenothere (21 comments total)

Mmmm: "Rearing in quaffed monk, you stun me by employing eight windows when the priest is but iodine."
posted by doctornemo at 4:50 PM on March 21, 2022

Your unexpected explosion entangles us in a web of premature umbrellas and precocious timepieces.
posted by Catblack at 4:51 PM on March 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

Your nose hair is pleasingly twisted with the roots of a bristlecone pine that is so precariously perched on the side of a cliff it may easily uproot and fall upon the Republican lobbyists below.

I kid you not.
posted by Hardcore Poser at 4:55 PM on March 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

"Your eyes shine with the greed of a misplaced tea strainer."

"I bet you say that to all the boys."
posted by ricochet biscuit at 5:01 PM on March 21, 2022

Geez...

"I surmise that your basement is made of skin and is never depleted of nurses."

Lots to unpack there. Discuss amongst yourselves.

Meanwhile, I'll go get the lotion, the basket, and the hose.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:06 PM on March 21, 2022 [3 favorites]

I would gladly eat chamberpots of your sickled beans and thalassemic rice.

Trust MetaFilter to overgenerate a chamberpot of beans.
posted by GenjiandProust at 5:16 PM on March 21, 2022 [6 favorites]

I think somebody misunderstood “backwards compliment”.
posted by eviemath at 5:21 PM on March 21, 2022 [1 favorite]

I am the sound of one lip kissing.
posted by glonous keming at 5:22 PM on March 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

Bleed me! My memory is fried with your pork!

what
posted by jquinby at 5:41 PM on March 21, 2022 [5 favorites]

Man, this takes me back. I was reading surrealist compliments on this very page in 1997, IIRC... someone's webring linked me to it one day, and it survived in a backup of bookmarks for nearly a decade. To confirm it, I viewed source on the page, and yup, there's a Javascript blurb at the top that's meant to detect and handle visitors who accidentally land on the page from inside a <frameset>. Copyright 1997-198.

There's also a Google ads snippet, which is decidedly not vintage 90's web design
posted by Mayor West at 5:45 PM on March 21, 2022 [6 favorites]

" Your pendulous thorax makes cellists envious of the rotund sounds emanating from your nose in D minor. "
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 6:12 PM on March 21, 2022

"Sir, you have most exquisite breasts."

I dunno ... my man boobs don't bring nobody to the yard
posted by Kabanos at 7:23 PM on March 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

Thy micturations are to me, as plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 8:07 PM on March 21, 2022 [2 favorites]

"Tribes of primitve hunters, with rhinestone codpieces rampant, should build pyramids of Chevy engines covered in butterscotch syrup to exalt the diastolic, ineffable, scintillated and cacophonous salamander of truth which slimes and distracts from each and every orifice of your holy refrigerator, Sears be its brand."

With complements like these, who needs insults?
posted by credulous at 11:56 PM on March 21, 2022 [4 favorites]

"If you behave there will be cake for the miscreants we call your brothers. "

This is not surrealist. I was promised surrealist. If anything, this is a bit too on the nose.
posted by eclectist at 5:16 AM on March 22, 2022 [1 favorite]

"Come, let me gnaw your fingernails that I may absorb and lose myself in the wise and gritty detritus that is you."
posted by Foosnark at 6:56 AM on March 22, 2022 [2 favorites]

"You are as effective as a linear geometry based upon the Maginot Line."

Dang.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 7:29 AM on March 22, 2022 [2 favorites]

Okay, I immediately fed the output from the compliment generator into Midjourney, an extremely sophisticated AI based image generation platform and... it worked! I'd like to show you all, but how?
posted by Wetterschneider at 4:05 PM on March 22, 2022 [2 favorites]

"Come, let me gnaw your fingernails that I may absorb and lose myself in the wise and gritty detritus that is you."

That makes altogether too much sense.
posted by Ivan Fyodorovich at 12:57 AM on March 23, 2022

"Come, let me gnaw your fingernails that I may absorb and lose myself in the wise and gritty detritus that is you."

Ok, can we stop posting Mazzy Star lyrics now
posted by credulous at 8:46 PM on March 23, 2022 [3 favorites]

"I would beg to see your arms raised in calcification towards the expanding horizon as the minutemen stand before me with their phallic gums aimed and loaded."

thanks, you too
posted by taquito sunrise at 3:17 AM on March 25, 2022 [1 favorite]