Wordshore Was Unavailable for Comment

April 8, 2022 10:24 AM

Thieves Steal Over $22,000 in Cheese Wheels from a Dutch Dairy Farm. That's it; that's the post.
posted by fedward (51 comments total)

Post title explained by this legendary post on the green.
posted by fedward at 10:25 AM on April 8, 2022 [14 favorites]

"They don't shy away from entering a cheese farm with brute force. In no time they fill their bus and leave."

I feel it's very Dutch to blame this on organized crime - cheese, drugs, and sex work are all susceptible I guess?
posted by Lawn Beaver at 10:27 AM on April 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

A million favorites for the title. Well done.
posted by cooker girl at 10:28 AM on April 8, 2022 [21 favorites]

"Cheese, Drugs, and Sex Work" sounds like the title of a five-part investigative series exposing immoral goings-on at the Wisconsin state legislature.
posted by nickmark at 10:35 AM on April 8, 2022 [14 favorites]

If my quick math is right, $7 a pound is a very good value. If I'm going through the trouble of stealing a truckload of cheese I'd aim for the older stuff.
posted by spitbull at 10:39 AM on April 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

"Dekker is encouraging dairy farmers to beef up their security"
posted by BungaDunga at 10:52 AM on April 8, 2022 [6 favorites]

The dairy owners must feel sheepish that the thieves got their goat. I bet they had a cow.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:13 AM on April 8, 2022 [12 favorites]

In no time they fill their bus and leave

We refer to that as the "get-a-whey vehicle."
posted by 7segment at 11:14 AM on April 8, 2022 [44 favorites]

Quel fromage.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 11:27 AM on April 8, 2022 [11 favorites]

Way to milk the puns, you nerds.
posted by loquacious at 11:33 AM on April 8, 2022 [14 favorites]

For real, all these puns are making my blood curdle.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 11:44 AM on April 8, 2022 [10 favorites]

whey to milk the puns, you curds
posted by supermedusa at 11:49 AM on April 8, 2022 [16 favorites]

Just wait'll we get to recycling all the puns in this epic thread from 6 years ago...
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:51 AM on April 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

(whoops too late we've already started)
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:52 AM on April 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Mmmm, $22,000 worth of cheese
posted by aubilenon at 11:52 AM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

Naughty naughty thieves, that was nacho cheese.
posted by chavenet at 12:02 PM on April 8, 2022 [21 favorites]

Omroep Brabant is F&W's source for this story; there, Mr. Dekker (chairman of the 290-member-strong dairy farmers' group, Bond van Boerderij-Zuiverlbereiders) speculates that the stolen goods are bound for Russia. [‘We have had reports of cheeses ending up in Russia where no Dutch dairy can be bought because of the economic sanctions.'] Dekker, himself a dairy farmer, recommends installing surveillance cameras and getting good insurance. In the NYT's Major Cheese Heist Puts Dutch Dairy Farmers on Alert (an archived link), at least the police recovered the farming couple's trailer and wheelbarrows, used during the heist, near the scene of the crime.
posted by Iris Gambol at 12:05 PM on April 8, 2022 [6 favorites]

I'm lead to understand that the best defense is a Gouda Fence.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:25 PM on April 8, 2022 [35 favorites]

From the article itself, it suggests that because the whole cheeses have registration IDs stamped into the rind, the thieves would be unable to resell them locally. Unless, like certain other contraband substances… they cut the cheese.
posted by notoriety public at 12:27 PM on April 8, 2022 [15 favorites]

Notoriety public wins. (And yes, great title for post, glad we're still creating new MeFi lore.)
posted by blue shadows at 12:29 PM on April 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Oh man, I had never gone back and read the updates on the Wordshore askme. Rarely do such deeply mysterious ask.me questions get this level of explanation, it's worth it especially if like me all you saw in the past was the original question.
posted by advil at 12:46 PM on April 8, 2022 [6 favorites]

Best. Title. Ever.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 1:00 PM on April 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

This could easily be a Last of the Summer Wine episode.
But my heart goes out to business owners who work hard and have their inventory stolen.

"They must have been watching us for a while. Our gate is always closed except on the day when the milkman comes by. They must have known that," one of the cheese farmers, identified only as Gerda, told Netherlands public broadcaster Omroep Brabant. "They also passed by our house. I can kick myself for not noticing anything. You just don't feel safe and that is a very bad feeling. It will really take a while before I regain trust in people."
posted by TrishaU at 1:47 PM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

"They don't shy away from entering a cheese farm with brute force."

Brie force, surely?
posted by Paul Slade at 1:56 PM on April 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Brut force, actually. They hit you over the head with stolen Champagne.
posted by fedward at 1:58 PM on April 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

Where is Wordshore and how is he doing? I see his last activity on MeFi was November 2021.
posted by stillmoving at 2:08 PM on April 8, 2022 [7 favorites]

They made a dairying escape.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 2:10 PM on April 8, 2022 [7 favorites]

Mac, Cheese, were Gouda go.
posted by clavdivs at 2:50 PM on April 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

I feel it's very Dutch to blame this on organized crime.

I'll take any excuse to share this NPR story about the Swiss cheese mafia.
posted by Horkus at 2:53 PM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

> Where is Wordshore and how is he doing? I see his last activity on MeFi was November 2021.

I was wondering the same thing and I hope this isn't too stalky but he favorited this comment about what to do with too much government cheese about four days ago and it made me very happy.
posted by loquacious at 2:59 PM on April 8, 2022 [17 favorites]

"I AM THE CHEESE MASTER. ARE YOU THE GRATE KEEPER?"
posted by loquacious at 3:02 PM on April 8, 2022 [21 favorites]

There is no Edam-a, only Zuul
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:00 PM on April 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

"They must have been watching us for a while.”

I think you meant to say, the thieves must have been casein the joint for quite a while.
posted by mubba at 4:28 PM on April 8, 2022 [15 favorites]

That does seem to be the kaas.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:20 PM on April 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

Buying and eating any of that loot would surely be a legal Gruyèrea.

[I'll stop reusing this the minute you guys quit posting about cheese crime]
posted by kleinsteradikaleminderheit at 5:28 PM on April 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

That's nacho cheese! ~Peedro
I had to bring this over from the other thread.
posted by Oyéah at 5:34 PM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

It is unfair to bring up Wordshore, to me this looks like a copycat crime as there are subtle differences from the original.
posted by Emmy Rae at 6:44 PM on April 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

Thanks for this. I actually had a loud laugh at this post. Maybe Wordshore is walking or living around the Netherlands? And watching who can look in the window?
posted by baegucb at 7:35 PM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

It may be unfair but necessary. For in all the Five Counties, Red Leicester is the best.
posted by clavdivs at 7:40 PM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

I should really go and visit the cheese rebel. He lives in the hills south of Zurich.

Giving dairy cooperatives a bad name, eh.
posted by clew at 7:54 PM on April 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

64 slices wheels of American Dutch cheese.

I think I'm blind.
posted by sillyman at 8:56 PM on April 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

In breaking news, thieves have reportedly made off with a semi-truck of Tostitos from a plant in Antwerp. Both trucks were last seen headed to Chernobyl.
posted by spitbull at 5:36 AM on April 9, 2022 [4 favorites]

Watch for Swiss chocolate and French wine heists next.
posted by blue shadows at 10:55 AM on April 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

Wordshore Was Unavailable for Comment

Fremdschämen? "The thieves only left the most mature cheeses — probably because they were on higher shelves."

MetaFilter's own Big Cheese takes the English countryside in Brobdingnagian stride, and he'd hardly leave the best wheels behind.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:30 AM on April 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

As a Dutch person, this news rocks me to the core... Is no cheese sacred ?
posted by Pendragon at 2:20 PM on April 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

How we come this far without referencing the Cheese Shop sketch?
posted by SPrintF at 1:31 AM on April 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

Brieviously.
posted by Too-Ticky at 8:27 AM on April 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

"How we come this far without referencing the Cheese Shop sketch?"
If there was some sort of NFT situation where a cartel of soi-disant cheese re-sellers actually had no cheese whatsoever, it would be more relevant.
posted by Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead at 12:45 PM on April 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

Non Fromage-ible Token?
posted by notoriety public at 12:11 PM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

I came to the Blue in hopes that this article was posted and that Ask was referenced. WELL DONE!
posted by CoffeeHikeNapWine at 10:48 AM on April 14, 2022 [2 favorites]

Maybe Wordshore is walking or living around the Netherlands.

Good evening. I am Gerald, the butler of Mr Wordshore.

I can - with permission - report that Mr Wordshore is residing in the West Country of England. He is currently preparing for various Druidic and other ceremonies associated with high summer, and sends his fondest regards to this community.

Sincerely,
Gerald
posted by Wordshore at 12:33 PM on April 24, 2022 [8 favorites]