I want to marry a lighthouse keeper. Just not that one.

April 9, 2022 8:00 PM

Terrible Tilly, Oregon’s Legendary Lighthouse, Is for Sale From a distance, the Tillamook Rock Lighthouse looks like a real-estate investor’s dream...

Built in 1881, the lighthouse has a storied history including a tragic shipwreck. Most recently used to store cremated remains (non-paywall), it's also been a vacation home to several families (if you don't mind shoveling guano). Now it is the home of sea lions and sea birds . Got $6 million to spare? It could be your home too.

Non-paywall version of first article.

posted by Toddles (43 comments total)

the lighthouse known in local legend as Terrible Tilly is being prepared for its next owners.

Apparently it needed a little light house keeping. sorry

On the one hand it's an intriguing notion, but on the other hand, even without the sea lions and guano this sort of thing is an absolute deal breaker for me.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:35 PM on April 9, 2022 [51 favorites]

How is there any guano left after that?
posted by The Monster at the End of this Thread at 8:42 PM on April 9, 2022 [7 favorites]

Yeah, that would have made me lose my guano too.
posted by MrVisible at 9:01 PM on April 9, 2022 [12 favorites]

This drone video does a thorough job of showing what state it was in 5 years ago...I'm no house inspector, but those cracks do not incite the urge to purchase. It'd probably take another 6 million just to make it habitable.
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:04 PM on April 9, 2022 [18 favorites]

I could do a good job of it, but only if I were allowed to (and, tbh, personally capable of) run amok with several types of gun and firehose, followed by an unbelievable quantity of additional concrete with epoxy steel reinforcement.

Rough estimate, 5-10X the listed sale price, not including legal expenses. On the plus side, the ugly result would be indestructible barring war.
posted by aramaic at 9:14 PM on April 9, 2022

I know this building very well, having spent a good part of my life nearby. This is a historic building and it seems to me that it should be returned to the public under eminent domain, rather than continue to be passed along to private owners who will never be able to care for this historic structure.

The article has left out a few details. First of all the place smells. The local town of Cannon Beach often gets a whiff of what it was like for the occupants when the wind blows south from the rocks full of nesting sea birds. During winter storms not only are there massive waves; there have also been occasional car sized boulders thrown up into the structure.

Access by boat is possible but quick risky. The currents are dangerous, the water is freezing and full of great white sharks. The light keepers used to be hauled up by a crane from the water below as there isn’t really a place to dock. Helicopter access is only real way to get there when the place isn’t occupied.

Assuming you bought the place you would face and impossible challenge getting permits to do any work. It’s key habitat for sea birds and you can’t evict them.
posted by interogative mood at 9:14 PM on April 9, 2022 [50 favorites]

My great-aunt's family was a lighthouse service family. She had a wild collection of stories, but my favorite was, they were stationed on an island lighthouse, and their cat would only poop on shore. Which was totally fine 90% of the time, but when there was a hurricane, it was a serious problem. They'd be bunkered down in the lighthouse, and the cat would be stalking across the boardwalk from the island to the shore, his fur all straight up, his claws dug in to the boards. But he would ABSOLUTELY NOT poop on the island; he only pooped on the shore. So every hurricane he stalked his way out on the "boardwalk" bridge to the shore, claws dug in, so he could poop on the shore. And then he'd stalk back, fur all stood up, soaking wet, and absolutely furious that his people had allowed a hurricane to happen.

See also: Miss Colfax and Ann, the clearly lesbian lighthouse keepers in Michigan City, Indiana.
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 9:31 PM on April 9, 2022 [46 favorites]

+1 favorite for post title.
Reference song with new footage
posted by bartleby at 10:23 PM on April 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

One of my favourite books is "Lighthouses in my life" by Phillome Wass, about growing up on a lighthouse island in Maine. I very much recommend it.
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 11:07 PM on April 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

Uh, the second link (“storied history”) is just a plagiarized version of the first/NYT article, suffused with a lot of advertising.
posted by jon1270 at 3:03 AM on April 10, 2022

"Only accessible by helicopter" and "built in the 1880s" is a hell of a combination. I want to know how this thing got built.
posted by phooky at 4:00 AM on April 10, 2022 [30 favorites]

The water is full of great white sharks? Well, gosh, why didn’t you say so earlier !
posted by freecellwizard at 5:04 AM on April 10, 2022 [6 favorites]

I bet the smell's not so bad once you start drinking the lamp oil.
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 5:49 AM on April 10, 2022 [16 favorites]

This is the best 'how it was built' I could find in the moment between brushing my teeth and putting on sunscreen. Good morning, y'all!
posted by box at 6:33 AM on April 10, 2022 [12 favorites]

An island house, surrounded by sharks, impossible to get to, and seemingly abandoned? Sound like the perfect location for my secret evil lair!
posted by heyitsgogi at 6:56 AM on April 10, 2022 [7 favorites]

Thank you for the history link, box. I was puzzled by the NYT article about a lighthouse built around 1880 and yet supposedly the island is only reachable by helicopter. Some very brave and talented stonemasons managed somehow, but according to your link it was sure not easy. They had to blast a flat spot in the rock before they could start building!

Also appreciate interogative mood's personal memory and the mention of a crane. It reminds me a bit of the ship loading arrangements in Mendocino. That part of the California coast really has no reasonable ports but this little cove surrounded by cliffs made do, in part with elaborate arrangements of wires stretching from clifftop to the water.
posted by Nelson at 7:20 AM on April 10, 2022

'how it was built'...evil lair


Great link, and I was thinking evil lair too, but even arch-villains might be spooked by a place where the first guy to step foot on it dies and then it's used for years as a loosely kept columbarium. Isn't that how you get ghost pirates? I'm pretty sure that's how you get ghost pirates.
posted by Reasonably Everything Happens at 7:21 AM on April 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

Just came in here to say that the term “death care industry” made me throw up in my mouth a little
posted by caution live frogs at 7:31 AM on April 10, 2022 [4 favorites]

Sound like the perfect location for my secret evil lair!
posted by heyitsgogi

Not anymore. :)
posted by Splunge at 7:57 AM on April 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

My wife and I are moving to Oregon in a couple months and searching real estate options, but this might have a couple of irreconcilable issues, unfortunately...
posted by Navelgazer at 8:03 AM on April 10, 2022

The govt sold it for a whole 11 grand. I say the govt should eminent domain it for that amount adjusted to today's dollars.
posted by zenon at 8:49 AM on April 10, 2022 [5 favorites]

Of there is also the issue of the enormous earthquake and Tsunami that could come at any moment because of the Cascadia fault.
posted by interogative mood at 9:11 AM on April 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

I worry that some showoffillionaire will buy it to build a lair/AirBnb. There are laws but Oregon is pretty easy to roll if you have the funds. I think it ought to be left to ruin.
posted by Pembquist at 9:11 AM on April 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

I love the nickname Terrible Tilly for this lighthouse so much! It's like Galloping Gertie had a sister.
posted by potrzebie at 9:34 AM on April 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

"Only accessible by helicopter" and "built in the 1880s" is a hell of a combination.

It's worth noting that in 1892, when the population of the US was a fifth of now, 11,000 railroad workers were killed in coupling accidents (I'm reading Jessie Singer's There Are No Accidents, that number stood out).

Workplace safety was very very different back then.
posted by straw at 9:56 AM on April 10, 2022 [8 favorites]

Before the colonists got there First Nations in the area would make trips to the island to harvest eggs, feathers, and birds. There are times when waters are calm and one can just row up to the rock shore.
posted by Mitheral at 11:59 AM on April 10, 2022 [3 favorites]

lair/AirBnb


A LairBnB, one might say.
posted by darkstar at 1:32 PM on April 10, 2022 [23 favorites]

The owner may want $6.5 million but Clatsop County assesses the property’s real market value at $471,000. The residents of Clatsop county are extremely protective of their beaches and the seashore. I don’t see how any kind of development would ever get past the local, state and federal environmental rules.
posted by interogative mood at 2:44 PM on April 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

Before the colonists got there First Nations in the area would make trips to the island to harvest eggs

And now that the colonists have built a lighthouse there, they could have beacon and eggs!
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:40 PM on April 10, 2022 [11 favorites]

If you're interested in learning about the challenges involved in constructing lighthouses, I really enjoyed this YT video about the construction of the Eddystone Lighthouse(s).
posted by Inkslinger at 3:50 PM on April 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

It’s good to know that titanium is the preferred material to deter sea lions. Titanium door, titanium urns.

Also, sea lions smell TERRIBLE.
posted by liet at 4:25 PM on April 10, 2022

Covid isolation taught me that I can be a hermit as long as I have broadband and can go on occasional outing. shame I don't have millions of dollars.
posted by theora55 at 5:06 PM on April 10, 2022 [2 favorites]

FYI, there are 3 decommissioned lighthouses off the coast of Florida up for bid. All at under $15k as of this comment.
posted by now i'm piste at 7:47 PM on April 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

now that the colonists have built a lighthouse there, they could have beacon and eggs!

But it's a pretty small island, so not mushroom.
posted by flabdablet at 10:14 PM on April 10, 2022 [4 favorites]

The Florida lighthouses seem to be listed without the underlying “land” — does that mean they’re being sold for scrap?

…or could I occupy one?
posted by aramaic at 10:33 PM on April 10, 2022

…or could I occupy one?

I think you can occupy it, but if it falls down, you have nothing.
posted by Toddles at 10:50 PM on April 10, 2022

My Grandfather was a lighthouse keeper in New Zealand and ended that part of his career as head of the (then) newly-established lighthouse school. Until then, keepers just turned up and learned as they went.

Some of his stories are incredible and highlight just how physically and mentally hard life used to be for many ordinary people. In his first posting, Cape Maria van Diemen (.pdf link), supplies were delivered and unloaded by crane from the lighthouse ship every six months (when weather permitted), then hauled up the cliffs by a tramway. Mail was delivered by a 'flying fox' across the water and, on the birth of my Mother, my Grandfather made the same journey (strictly against regulations) in a swinging basket, then by horseback to the nearest town just to start his several-day journey to see his first-born (his wife having left the station months earlier).

His next posting, though, takes the cake, in my view. At the extreme other end of NZ, with the next land South being Antarctica and allegedly the windiest place on earth, Puysegur Point. There, supplies were brought by the same lighthouse ship, loaded onto small boats out beyond the surf, rowed in to the beach by the keepers, then taken 3km up the hill by horse-drawn wagon. Coal (the only source of heat) had to be shoveled into bags on board the ship, then loaded onto small boats for that same journey. On one occasion, when the small boat was overturned in the surf, the keepers were refused replacement coal and spent the next few months diving in the surf to retrieve the lost coal. Not to mention the time an escapee from a distant asylum burned the lighthouse down, set fire to one of the keeper's house and took all the keepers hostage at gunpoint before being overpowered and held for the weeks it took for authorities to collect him.

All this to say that lighthouses, no matter where they are, are an incredibly important part of our history and should not be in private hands for profit. The government should buy this back and treat it with the respect it deserves.
posted by dg at 11:14 PM on April 10, 2022 [21 favorites]

I think you can occupy it, but if it falls down, you have nothing.

I went down a rabbithole and the inspection report for the Carysfort Reef Lighthouse linked by now i'm piste breaks down the needed repairs for the site - in 2010 they're estimated at $2.1 million.

However, if you look more closely the majority of the expense is for "Clean and Coat Exterior Structural Steel" which is estimated at $1.1 million.

So, if you write off "Clean and Coat Exterior Structural Steel" as purely cosmetic and are willing to put in a lot of sweat equity to do things like "repair lantern room catwalk" and "reconnect ladder at top of interior stairwell" you'll be fine.
posted by bendy at 11:37 PM on April 10, 2022 [1 favorite]

Not to mention the time an escapee from a distant asylum burned the lighthouse down, set fire to one of the keeper's house and took all the keepers hostage at gunpoint before being overpowered and held for the weeks it took for authorities to collect him.

That's an amazing story.

Please tell me the escapee later resurfaced as a dedicated student at the lighthouse school.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:24 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

I'm going on the record that I do not actually believe cremains can be haunted, but living in a place with that many steps would be worse than ghosts.
posted by grandiloquiet at 7:36 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

One needs a tetanus shot just to watch the drone footage of the tower.
I hate the idea of stored cremations there.
posted by BostonTerrier at 7:51 AM on April 11, 2022

I dug up the current owner's old site called Eternity at Sea. The website appears to have gone offline back in 2007. There's even a "guest book!" Among the claims it states that

This sustainable development will create funds to support Tilly & other lights with a maritime soul for centuries to come independent of govt funds or short-lived egos"

The article notes that columbarium lost its license back in 1999 and was again denied in 2005.
posted by zenon at 3:37 PM on April 11, 2022

Please tell me the escapee later resurfaced as a dedicated student at the lighthouse school.
Sadly, dear reader, that was the last we heard of the escaped inmate.

There are lots of incredible stories in his memoirs (which I really must get around to publishing), but what's mostly amazing is the boring parts - people just did what they had to do, sometimes in difficult circumstances, without complaint or support. I contrast this with things like the panic that goes through people when supermarkets are closed for a day, so they have to stock up for fear of starving to death or something. Imagine having to order your groceries months in advance for six months at a time, knowing that anything left off the list is 9 months or so away. Not to mention saving up to pay for six months of groceries at a time.

We hear a lot about the housing crunch and how young people can't get into the market. My Grandfather saved for a decade or more and bought a block of land. He then purchased a disused lighthouse workshop on an island in the Hauraki Gulf, dismantled it, carried it over to the other side of the island, loaded it on a barge to get it to the mainland, then trucked it to his block of land, where he re-assembled it. He, his wife and four children lived in a 10' x 10' tent in the front yard while he built them a home in his spare time. I'm not suggesting this is a viable option for the young families of today, but the expectations that people have for what they deserve are out of step with their capability and the thing that needs to change is those expectations that society will provide for them with little or no effort on their part.
posted by dg at 4:24 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]