You've made your thread, now free in it

April 11, 2022 9:43 AM

It's snowing in Portland, OR in the middle of April, which according to the prophecy means it's time for a Free Thread and also for me to not leave the house today. Come on in, chat about whatever, and put on a sweater, I'm cold.
posted by cortex (187 comments total)

I'm having a real "catch up on everything" sort of morning, so there's also finally a new podcast episode. Realizing mid-conversation that Jessamyn had started watching the wrong show was one of the biggest laughs I've had in a while.
posted by cortex at 9:46 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Speaking of coping with cold weather, I'm entertaining the notion of quitting my job in favor of a fully remote position that would allow me to move to Palm Springs. I love my job but...Palm Springs. All the time. Clearly I am losing it.
posted by Fuego at 9:59 AM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]

It was a whopping 10C earlier (50F) so much (not all!) of the snow from last week has melted. I feel like bumfuck, Sweden, where I am mostly located is the town that spring forgot. cortex, I am sure the Portland snow is not a gesture of solidarity but I'm gonna take it as one anyway. Where to start?

1. If you are on an ADHD stimulant and have trouble hauling your ass out of bed, consider setting an alarm earlier in the morning for you to take it, roll back to sleep, then get up an hour or so later feeling almost normal. (Tip courtesy of some ADHD specialist; it's been a huge morning-changer for me.)

2. Mending clothes: still soothing.

3. Chores: still annoying.
posted by Bella Donna at 10:07 AM on April 11, 2022 [9 favorites]

April is the cruelest month...
posted by mumimor at 10:07 AM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

We had First Nice Day here on Friday. 22 degrees and sunny! Just a one-day special delivered by Chinook (warm dry-side-of-mountains wind). I’m getting ready for a short vacation before starting a new job in a couple weeks.
posted by sixswitch at 10:17 AM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I'm in Eastern WA. It's snowing, 29f, high winds out of the North and my power has been out since 8:30ish. Not the best Monday.
posted by Tenuki at 10:17 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Checking in from Chicago, where things have been similarly cold and dreary for too long this spring.

I watched the J-Lo and Owen Wilson "Marry Me" this weekend and thought it was very cute. Looking at Rotten Tomatoes, the delta between reviewers (60% liked it) and audience (92% liked it) was 32. That felt pretty big. Then I watched Licorice Pizza, which wasn't for me. The delta there went the other way: 90 critics and 65 audience (25 difference).

I saw two other movies recently where there were big differences, too: The Lost Daughter had 94% from critics and only 49% from audiences (45 different!), and the Kurt Warner football movie American Underdog had 75% from critics and 98% from audiences (23).

I know that big differences between critics and audience are nothing new, but it felt like a significant cluster at once. I wonder if that's a coincidence or a broader (pandemic influenced?) trend. I have definitely noticed that I just want to watch something nice.
posted by AgentRocket at 10:18 AM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

I bought a kalanchoe at the grocery store because I thought it would be pretty on the table, only to get it home and realize it requires a great deal of sunlight, which is a problem because each window in my house only gets sun for about 30 seconds, except the big window in the front which turns plants to ashes with the burning heat of a thousand suns. So I have spent all morning moving the plant from window to window, which turns out not to really be a sustainable horticultural method. But the little flowers on it are so pretty!
posted by mittens at 10:19 AM on April 11, 2022 [11 favorites]

April is the cruelest month...

For people grading university papers April, December and August are the cruelest months.
posted by justsomebodythatyouusedtoknow at 10:19 AM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

My folks are celebrating their 52nd wedding anniversary today, so having the family over for cake and ice cream.

I also spent less than 10 minutes this morning finally fixing a simple household problem that's existed as long as I've lived in my house (nearly 9 years).

I'm asking for two pieces of cake tonight.
posted by Twicketface at 10:22 AM on April 11, 2022 [23 favorites]

Yesterday in my bleak little woods was the one sunny day sandwiched between Saturday's relentless snow flurries and today's thunderstorm with bonus 1/2" hailstones. Thunder is ongoing and skies are dreary.

But yesterday! Sun and a gathering of adults and children at the community park, with conversation and gardening and conversations about gardening, snacks and cupcakes and dog pets and babies. It was so lovely.
posted by Lawn Beaver at 10:26 AM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

Recently I have been trying to learn to cook Japanese food. Which has also lead to watching Japanese food videos on Youtube. Here are a couple about neighborhood udon restaurants that are totally mesmerizing. I got especially excited by the spring onion cutting machine that sounds like an old sewing machine in the first one, and the use of stepping on the noodle dough to knead it in the second one. Also, so many eggs.

Udon Noodles In Osaka | A Skilled Owner With Lightning Fast Service | Local Udon Restaurant

Udon Restaurant's Ultimate Egg Rice Bowl | Professionals At The Local Udon Restaurant
posted by blakewest at 10:28 AM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

Autumn is really starting to gain momentum (or should that be lose momentum?) but we still get some sunny days.
I don't know I can bring across the sheer cuteness and charm, but today I saw a solitary bee.
They are chubbier and hairier than honey bees, and their heads seem to be bigger in proportion to their bodies.
This one was perched on a twig. As I watched, it took hold of the twig with its jaws, lifted all its tiny feet, so that it perched there holding on with only its jaws, and proceeded to do some very efficient and business-like adjustments of its pollen load using mostly its hind feet.
Just so charming.
I'm spending a lot of time looking at insects and realising how little I know about them.
Turns out that some of the individuals I'd taken to be honey bees, are, on closer inspection, European Wasps.
They're an invasive species and apparently very aggressive. So far they've been well behaved towards me, though.
posted by Zumbador at 10:30 AM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]

bumfuck, Sweden

I bet the town signs get stolen a lot.
posted by biogeo at 10:36 AM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

If you are on an ADHD stimulant and have trouble hauling your ass out of bed, consider setting an alarm earlier in the morning for you to take it, roll back to sleep, then get up an hour or so later feeling almost normal.

Been doing this for decades. Life changer.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:38 AM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

I'm ... looking out the window and watching the snow melt. Seriously, it was like summer here Thursday, and now this? Portland Public Schools finally called a snow day, so I'm enjoying a "first significant April snow in 80 years" three-day weekend, and I promise I'll get back to work as soon as my cat gets off the stack of papers I need to grade.
posted by kikaider01 at 10:39 AM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

This week I learned that you can make forsythia flower simple syrup and that grape hyacinths steeped in hot water make a color changing liquid like butterfly pea flower where it turns pink when you add an acid. The kiddos were amazed!

Also found hairy bittercress in the yard though I've been a bit nervous to try it. Oh and we planted anise hyssop but I'm trying to let it establish before I snip any leaves to try.
posted by brilliantine at 10:40 AM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]

Just adding the requisite Prince reference to this thread.
posted by mykescipark at 10:41 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Do not look at any spoilers for Everything Everywhere All at Once. Try to see it in a pristine mind space so the Daniels can just twerk your brain. If drugs are your thing, yes do that.

I don't think I've alternated laughing out loud and breathing "WTF is happening" in a theater so many times in forever.

Stephanie Hsu is a treasure.

Now don't spoil it for people who haven't seen it yet!
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:41 AM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

bumfuck, Sweden

Jeff Tweedy's original working title for "Impossible Germany."
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 10:44 AM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

I am behind the times on both of these, but I finished streaming both Our Flag Means Death and the second season of Bridgerton this weekend (links to fanfare posts, let's make more fanfare discussion happen), and I just want to note the main couples in both of these shows have excellent chemistry. If you're looking for silly fantastical (a)historical romance with problematic elements, either should suffice. Stick to Bridgerton if you want a happily ever after though, at least unless/until we get a 2nd season of Our Flag Means Death (fingers crossed!).

The weather is supposed to be lovely and there are cheap 1992 priced tickets in honor of Camden Yards' 30th anniversary this week, so I think I'm going to try to go watch the O's probably lose to the Brewers after work Tuesday or Wednesday.

I am putting off most of my yard work until it gets a little warmer, so the bees and bunnies can enjoy my shaggy lawn unmolested, but I did clear out a terrifying amount of lint from my dryer exhaust vent as well as the interior of the dryer itself (does my lint filter catch anything at all, I wonder).
posted by the primroses were over at 10:44 AM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

Let's also give a shout out to Manitoba and North Dakota that have a huge blizzard coming.

In other news, we're on episode 6 of Severance and really enjoying it...
posted by piyushnz at 10:49 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

I can’t remember if self-linking is allowed in free threads, but this is how I learned of Portland’s snowfall, and I just don’t have the spoons to try to relate it fresh in a comment.
posted by bixfrankonis at 10:50 AM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I travelled to Lake Huron to take down the snow fence at my sister's still winterized cottage. I took a picture of the last few remnants of ice resting on the beach in the afternoon sun.

When I got back to the cottage after dinner in town, the sun was setting and those lumps were gone - the beach was completely clear of ice.

The fact that I captured the last moments of a season excites me for no obviously discernable reason.
posted by CynicalKnight at 10:51 AM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]

After being extraordinarily careful for 2 years, I went out to a bar without a mask 3 weeks ago, when the virus load was at a relative minimum. I got covid. Fortunately I didn't pass it to my partner, but I didn't get to see her for 2 weeks while I convalesced.

I got over it, tested negative, met up with my partner, and attended a brunch with a dozen attendees, all vaxxed yesterday. The host messaged us this morning to report that they woke up feeling tired and tested positive for covid. My partner and I are now quarantining apart from one another.

I'm just inconsolably upset right now. The whole world's trying to convince us to move on, and I just feel punished for daring to socialize at all.
posted by explosion at 10:59 AM on April 11, 2022 [32 favorites]

My autistic child competed in the first ever KEKOA class national ski event at the USASA Ski Nationals at Copper Mountain last week. The KEKOA class is for athletes with cognitive or other intellectual challenges. Couldn’t be prouder. They even got a medal in the event - but honestly just seeing them being part of a team at a Nationals event was stoke enough.

Expecting just over a foot of fresh snow next 24-30 hours and the local resort doesn’t close till Sunday so……am already planning a sic day Wednesday - no nausea or fever - just a sic day with a little bit of steez and some gnar…..
posted by inflatablekiwi at 11:02 AM on April 11, 2022 [13 favorites]

So I've been serving jury duty the last couple of weeks -- first time! -- and it's given me an interesting and often depressing look behind the scenes of the justice system. (TW : abuse ahead)

For starters, it wasn't just regular jury duty, but rather ✨Grand Jury ✨, which meant instead of deliberating one case our group would hear the bare outlines of literally hundreds of cases to decide which ones merited trial. These were typically laid out by a parade of investigating officers who came in one at a time, all overseen by a local assistant DA to answer legal questions.

We saw the full gamut of crime in our fair city: thefts, assaults, murders, even a multimillion dollar catalytic converter fencing ring. Perhaps unsurprisingly, most of the cases were drug-related, mostly open-and-shut cases where there was a confession, video evidence, and the like. I'd entertained standing on principal to aggressively question the weaker cases (guy arrested for having weed at a traffic stop, for ex), but grand juries don't need to be unanimous and I quickly learned there was no hope of convincing the crowd I was with to be lenient.

By far the most gutting, though, were the abuse cases. Dismayingly, most of the investigators who described these cases for us seemed to not take them seriously at all, often acting more like defense attorneys the way they cited irrelevant evidence to undermine their own case. For ex, one described a molestation accusation by a minor against her father that occurred while she lay next to him on the couch -- the cop thought the claim was "strange" because the father had very short arms. There were multiple cases where the guy made sure to mention that the minor victim was trans, which was hardly relevant but sure to play badly for an Alabama jury.

I tried my best, y'all, arguing that it took real guts to come forward with an accusation, that such incredibly serious allegations shouldn't be dismissed based on a few minutes of (clearly biased) hearsay, and that any decision should come after hearing from both sides directly at trial. Some counterargued that a false accusation could destroy an innocent person's life, unmoved by the idea that erring the other way would send a minor back into the custody of their abuser. In the end I could only get three to agree with me, far short of what was needed.

By far the worst of these was a college student who accused a guy of what she strongly suspected to be date rape. Her case was one of the very few where the victim testified to us in person, along with an advocate. She was incredibly poised and brave, describing her painful and difficult experience to a panel of strangers. There was video evidence of her leaving the bar stumbling drunk. There was testimony from a friend who literally had a tug-of-war with the suspect over the victim and who later pounded on his door for 15 minutes straight, ignored. Even the investigator, an actual advocate, backed up the credibility of the claims. But again the misogyny and blame-the-victim mentality carried the day. Leaving the courthouse later, I couldn't even look at victim as she stood outside surrounded by her comforting friends, it felt so shameful to have been part of that ugly process.

I guess this is all to say -- despite everything, if you ever get called for jury duty, please don't try to get out of it if you're able to serve. There's a whole lot of prejudice out there and the most vulnerable need every advocate in their corner they can get, especially in a regular jury where even one dissenter can change the outcome. It was a tough slog, emotionally draining, and paid almost nothing, but I don't regret doing it at all.
posted by Rhaomi at 11:04 AM on April 11, 2022 [71 favorites]

I can’t remember if self-linking is allowed in free threads

Self-linking is a-okay in threads in general, just not on the front page (which is why we have Projects, like, seriously, if you've made or are making something absolutely consider sticking it on Projects).

In any case, oof, bixfrankonis. That's a morning.
posted by cortex at 11:07 AM on April 11, 2022

blakewest, thanks for sharing those videos. I've just watched the first one and am entranced!
posted by Zumbador at 11:19 AM on April 11, 2022

After being extraordinarily careful for 2 years,

Same here! Wife started feeling unwell last Monday, tested negative, continued to get worse, and finally tested positive on Monday. I've had some minor symptoms but have continued to test negative. At first we thought it was allergies or a cold, so we didn't really separate (not that we have any space to actually live apart - we only have one bedroom and one bathroom), and by the time she got her positive indication it was kind of... why bother at this point?

I had a whole long weekend of activities planned, too, but luckily the weather cancelled them for me. A week in, she's still not feeling great and I've got a mild cough but that's it.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:20 AM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

I met up with my team at work for the first time in 2 years. The event was to pack up our stuff and take it home, as we decided to work fully remote, and the institution wants to reuse our offices. Whoever planned this, planned poorly. We had no extra trash receptacles, and the single extra one for confidential material was filled well before we were finished. (I was told that 9 departments were scheduled to pack up at the same time. Whee!)
posted by Spike Glee at 11:34 AM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I’m working on a painting but when I look at it, it makes me dizzy. Like literally dizzy. I have no idea what that means. It’s like I’m trying to apply some order to my inner life but looking at it is overwhelming me. Now I’m thinking I should just work on it but not look at it so much. But that sounds completely ridiculous.
posted by gt2 at 11:38 AM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]

My beloved cousin is getting married. Yay!

The wedding is in Florida. Um.

Everyone's fully vaccinated, though. Yay?

My kids are getting to go to Florida beaches in spring, and my best friend is going as my plus-one. Yay!

My dad, who spent the last week jerking me and my kids around (well, our whole lives, really, not just the last week), and at whom I finally blew up saying "Do whatever the fuck you want, your priorities are clearly messed up," will be at the wedding. Ugh. Kill me now.

On the other hand, we will see extended family members I haven't met in decades and my children have literally never met! Yay!

We will be wearing the fuck out of saris and lehengas and sherwanis and jewelry that we rarely get to wear. Yay!

And we will eat all. the. food. YAY.

In conclusion, fuck my dad, and YAY WEDDING, and eep Florida, and ZOMG FOOD, and my heart is melting at the prospect of this wonderful, painful, weird, long-overdue extended-family reunion.
posted by MiraK at 11:41 AM on April 11, 2022 [21 favorites]

Yeah wacky weather. Commuted on the motorcycle all last week, back to the cage today, sad trombone.

In happier news, ran an in person session of D&D for the first time in what feels like forever. I'm grateful for the VTT options we have these days, but nothing beats playing face to face with clacky dice, minis, pencils, and graph paper.
posted by calamari kid at 11:42 AM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]

Tomorrow I have a job interview in Portland, glad the snow will have a chance to clear first. I'm already feeling intimidated by the maze of buildings and parking at OHSU on the hill, new snow would just be too much.
posted by dorey_oh at 11:45 AM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Man, it was cold here in Florida this morning, too. It was in the lower 60s for a few hours!

It is a bit weird that I've now been here long enough that the current 78F is almost too chilly with the ~15-20mph wind gusts and occasional cloud blocking the sun. I'd put on clothes, but I don't own any anymore.
posted by wierdo at 11:47 AM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

I’m having what seems to be a THC hangover after consuming a 10mg sleep-inducing gummy last evening, about 8:00 pm or so. Feels like I’m moving through a fog.
posted by BostonTerrier at 11:47 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Whoops, I meant she started having symptoms on Monday and tested positive on Wednesday. So 2-3 days of transmission time when it wasn't showing up on the rapid tests.

We've been going out, but funnily enough based on the timing it seems like she got it through work. Lesson learned - work is bad for your health.
posted by backseatpilot at 11:54 AM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

The host messaged us this morning to report that they woke up feeling tired and tested positive for covid. My partner and I are now quarantining apart from one another.

Building enough of a viral load to cause symptoms and a positive test result usually takes a few days after exposure, so I strongly doubt that the host of an event that you attended yesterday could have got their case from you even if you hadn't already recovered and were therefore unlikely to remain infectious.

However, since that host was probably infectious for at least two days before their positive test, they might have given it to your partner and others at the gathering. Probably not to you, because your recent recovery probably has you exhibiting pretty good immunity to the strain currently circulating in your community.

I rate myself as very COVID-cautious and in your shoes I would not be bothering to maintain iso from my partner, just from the rest of the world (because you're now a household contact of a social contact of a positive case, i.e. the gathering's host) until they've either had it or spent a week not having it.
posted by flabdablet at 11:58 AM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

I'm a month into recovery from rotator cuff surgery and while on the whole it's not that bad, wearing this shoulder-immbolizing sling is just getting really old. I can take it off for short periods, can shower, etc., but I have to wear it to sleep so I don't unconsciously engage the shoulder joint and shred the repairs before they're solid. So sleeping is erratic, and some days (like today) I'm barely staying awake through one Zoom meeting after another. And then when I've been writing or editing for a while (typing is permitted), the ripple up my arm makes the damn thing ache all over again. (Writing this post was not a smart choice, actually.) I'm getting way too attached to my shoulder-shaped ice pack.

Sorry, just had to vent. Also: Rhaomi, thank you, you're awesome.
posted by martin q blank at 11:59 AM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

where I live, winter officially ends the day after you swap out your snow tires.. doesn't matter, May or June, there will be a dump of snow once the snow tires are off and stored away. yeah, fuck you too winter

there's a good chance we have 2nd covid in the household

my friend played "Arthur McBride" (the Andy Irvine/Paul Brady version from the 70s) late at his St. Patrick's Day party and it won't let me go.

and what's with Sweden's Edin? another World Curling notch on his belt, pretty good game but the ice was weird.
posted by elkevelvet at 11:59 AM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

Y'all really freed the thread
posted by BlunderingArtist at 12:07 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I just got back from the grocery. I had about twenty items to check out, and I noticed two people with one item behind me whilst placing my things on the conveyer belt, and invited them to go ahead of me in line. Both of them were so shocked, they had to tell the cashier all about it when they got to their moment of commerce. Ironically, this made me rather sad that people are so unaccustomed to such a pedestrian gesture that it seems unthinkable. I hope it made their day just a little better.
posted by effluvia at 12:09 PM on April 11, 2022 [22 favorites]

Arthur McBride: that is such a great song
posted by Countess Elena at 12:21 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

The latest on weather and The State Of The Empress:

* I've actually managed to keep up the new Gym Habit twice a week. I do have some unusual support - Every Tuesday night my roommate has a video call with a therapist, and I like to leave to give him some space - and the gym is a place where I can go, so why not. And on the weekends - a great brunch place opened up literally across the street from me, so I have told myself I can only eat there if I have gone to the gym first. I've even told a couple of the regular servers so they can help keep me honest. And the actual gym stuff itself is meant to be finishing up building strength in my knee, so usually I just do 10 minutes on the treadmill, three of my old exercises from my PT, and then I hit up every "leg" oriented machine in the place and call it a day.

* Saturday we had super-changeable weather - sunny one minute, hail the next. I stayed in - I had to catch up on a 4-hour epic film for my blog anyway - and on Sunday, it was still continued cold and blecchy so I went to the Met. ...I'd forgotten just how much walking happens during a museum visit.

* Have been overseeing a lot of office moves at work (including my own) and so far it's all been going smoothly, even despite one of our moving team out sick for a couple days and us not having an elevator. I have no idea how these dudes can get office furniture up and down stairs as quickly as they do.

* I also finally set up and established The Official One True Supply Closet at work. Prior to this everyone was ordering their own stash of "stuff" and then borrowing from each other, or trying to be proactive and ordering stuff and then putting it in a box in a corner and forgetting it existed. It was all chaotic and loosey-goosey and everything. But I cleared out two closets, threw out a lot of empty boxes, found alternate homes for all manner of weird shit (strangest item - a sequin covered costume witch hat which no one remembers buying) and spent several hundred bucks on post-its, pens, staplers, paper clips, and all that kind of jazz. And - most importantly - I told people where it was, which seems to have been a step many before me had neglected to take.

* My Goddaughter's First communion is in a month, and I only recently remembered that "oh yeah, there are gifts to get there." Fortunately other family members have already gotten the super-traditional and big-ticket stuff, so I can be the weirdo who goes off-piste. I found these darling little charms (and they're cheap!) and they have one for the saint that shares my God-daughter's name - and that saint is Irish, so I also found a book of "Stories About Irish Saints". That and the prerequisite jewelry-with-freshwater-pearls-and-a-cross and I called it a day.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:31 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]

Forgot to add: the company that makes the little saint charms has one for Father Mychal Judge, even though he's not a saint yet. I really liked that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:36 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]

We had a 30 minute snow storm with no accumulation last week but other wise medium spring weather. Going to be dropping below zero though the next few nights and I'm a smidge worried it'll freeze the buds just starting to show themselves on my apricot tree.

Let's also give a shout out to Manitoba and North Dakota that have a huge blizzard coming.
Environment Canada: "Stock up on needed supplies and medications now and do not plan to travel". Ya, could be a doozy.
posted by Mitheral at 12:38 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Sunny in Dudley
posted by parmanparman at 12:41 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Tip courtesy of some ADHD specialist; it's been a huge morning-changer for me

There was a whole special episode of Ologies for ADHD hacks and tips recently.
posted by snuffleupagus at 12:44 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

It’s a beautiful day, so I took my tomato seedlings from under their sickly grow light to enjoy real sunbathing for a bit. Last chance before another blizzard barrels in.

Sorry to hear about Covid bouts. Feels like the whole country (US) is in denial. Still.
posted by zenzenobia at 12:47 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

Milan, Italy. Surprisingly chilly for April, considering the worrying lack of rain. But it does occasionally snow on Easter, so ok.
Nobody in the office took any notice of my new skirt that I made, and I feel ಠ︵ಠ, but then the lack of same hobby friends has been felt acutely.
Anyway. I am happy. Despite it all, in spite of the world and all, I am HAPPY.
posted by thegirlwiththehat at 12:48 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]

Just so charming.
I'm spending a lot of time looking at insects and realising how little I know about them.

They really are just the best. I don't know if it will play in your region, but here's a lovely little documentary about one man's journey into getting to know the many (many) bees who populate his backyard. It's sweet and a little sad and makes me want to sit outside for hours.

Unfortunately our weather, like most of yours', seems not to share the sentiment. I love a cool spring season but this endless grey is wearing on me. Very gradually coming out of a deep low mood that has had me more or less bedbound most of the time for weeks. I've only been able to share that with my therapist so far because it's startling even to me (though, also, depression brain tells me that probably my friends and family wouldn't really care.) I've been able to feed myself and the cat, keep up with my schoolwork and remote work for the most part, and have done enough cleaning that things aren't any worse than when I started, but that's it. This week is a school break, which is giving me bonus energy to get a little bit ahead. I have plans to go do something I enjoy tomorrow (visit the botanical garden for their spring flower show) and am really hoping I follow through.
posted by notquitemaryann at 1:00 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

I'm completely fascinated by the oddness of this Ask A Manager letter. Employee has deadnamed, hasn't picked a new name, but is literally going by absolutely nothing, forcing the OP to refer to them as "____" or a happy face/star on their coffee cups. They can't get an email address with no name. I just want to yell PICK A PLACEHOLDER NAME ALREADY!!!! I can't imagine trying to negotiate around having to refer to someone all the time and not actually being able to do so.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:05 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

I was having a bit of a down day, and then found out there was a free thread on Metafilter and I've had so much joy reading it. Looking forward to checking in on it now and again as the day progresses. Thanks everybody!
posted by BigHeartedGuy at 1:07 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]

we all want to be free - tranquility base
posted by pyramid termite at 1:10 PM on April 11, 2022

Yesterday it was in the upper 40s here so I went out for a run in a sweatshirt and shorts, and felt so good that I wound up running a 10K--two miles further than my longest previous run!

However, the weather was definitely wacky and for about a half-mile there was actually a brief bit of graupel falling. I think that's what actually cooled me down enough to keep going for as long as I did.
posted by thecaddy at 1:29 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Am retraining because of PTSD related to frontline mental health work and so am learning to code. Just found out I have been granted a 16-week extension to finish my very heavy course load by Workers Comp. YAY!
posted by moneyjane at 2:01 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]

Sunny in Dudley.....

Parman parman - thank you for that. It's late, I'm on my way to bed and I just got to burst out laughing. I heard you say it in accent of course. I'm still grinning.
posted by dutchrick at 2:02 PM on April 11, 2022

I can't imagine trying to negotiate around having to refer to someone all the time and not actually being able to do so.

Oh God, flashback to the opposite situation: back when I was in finance, I would often be the EA to a bunch o' dudes, and one summer I was assigned to be the go-to secretarial support for the summer interns. And this one dude...well, in his defense he had a lot going on:

* His parents were divorcing.
* His mother was likely going to remarry.
* He was starting to realize that he disliked his first name and preferred his middle name.

And all of this was hitting him at once, and so he had to process "what is my name actually even going to be." Which - I appreciate can be a lot. The only trouble was - he was signing up for a whole lot of different things at work at the same time, and each time was asked to create an account associated with his name. And in each instance he used a different name:

* His email was FirstName FatherSurname.
* His company ID was FirstName MotherSurname.
* His Bloomberg ID account was MiddleName MotherSurname.
* There was also something that was FirstName MiddleName, and something that was MiddleName Mother'sFianceSurname. And I think there were even a couple other variants I can't remember.

As you can imagine, this created a good deal of confusion with people who knew FirstName FatherSurname looking for MiddleName MotherSurname in vain, not knowing it was the same dude - or emails that meant to go to him going to black holes because he'd been set up as FirstName FatherSurname but he told them it was MiddleName MotherSurname. It took a couple weeks to sort out and he was asked to finally pick just one variant so we could update it across all platforms.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:07 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]

PICK A PLACEHOLDER NAME ALREADY!!!!

I am now imagining they are put into the HR system as Mx. Under Score and wind up just going by Undy forever.
posted by snuffleupagus at 2:09 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]

And tangentially, a Name Game with a happy ending

I spent a couple years doing HR at the International Rescue Committee. We had a dude join us who'd recently moved over from Northern Ireland; all the legal paperwork we got for him had his first name as "Declan", and we set him up in the system accordingly. His email, paystub, and the like all got set up with the first name "Declan".

But then a day later we got a somewhat confused-sounding email from his manager. "So, I don't know if this is possible, but...Declan asked if we could spell his name in a different way. He said he wants it to be something like Deaglan. He swears it's pronounced the same...can we do that?"

My boss and a couple co-workers were confused, but I instantly spotted what was going on and said I'd take care of it. And then D and I had the following email exchange:

"Hey there - so, here's the thing: your passport has the Anglo spelling of your name, so we have to have that on file as the legal version of your name. But I can update the record so that you prefer the Gaelic spelling everywhere else - and that will include your email and your business cards. You may still see the Anglo spelling on your tax forms at the end of the year but that's it. Is that cool?"

"...That's...yes, that would be just fine. By the way, how did you know that this was a Gaelic-vs.-Saxon spelling thing? I tried to explain to my manager and she didn't get it."

"I have a good friend from County Cork who prefers the Gaelic spelling of her own name. So basically, I was precisely the best-prepared person in the company to handle this particular request. :-)"

"I'd say so! And go raibh maith agat!"

"Ta fáilte romhat!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 2:15 PM on April 11, 2022 [14 favorites]

On Friday, my boss's boss called me because I was on vacation and he had good news for me - my teammate and I are both being promoted! We're first level individual contributors, but most of the people we work with are second levels or higher. I requested this back in February but things like this go slow, so I was waiting it out. Over the last two weeks, I applied for an internal job that was very similar to mine but second level, interviewed, got offered the job, and then got offered a match in level and salary to stay with my current job. I felt a huge sense of relief when I decided to stay because I love my work and my team, but I wanted to be paid equitably. That my teammate gets the same thing is just icing on the cake because she is even more deserving of it than I am!

I am so grateful for Metafilter and the various advice I have read over the years, both in threads and from linked sources as well. I am not a wheeler and dealer, but in this case I had the confidence to ask for what we deserve and not feel guilty about it at all. That came from years of reading Metafilter.
posted by soelo at 2:44 PM on April 11, 2022 [19 favorites]

I spent yesterday de-winterizing, sanitizing, washing, and re-organizing my camper. I am ready for camping season!
Now I just need a free weekend to go camping.

I'll be in Portland, OR in two weeks for an open source software conference. Coming in early to spend the weekend visiting friends and checking out Portland before the work week kicks in. Hopefully, it won't be snowing then.
posted by COD at 2:48 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

since Rhaomi mentioned Jury Duty, i had my first taste just before the pandemic - was on the hook for 4 months, one of a huge pool of folks - was really only in the running for one case, which was ultimately filled before i was called upon. but such an amazing job from the defense attorney for the voir dire. it was a murder case, from up in the mountains of northeast Tennessee, and the case had been moved several counties away into mine since the DA said he could not seat a jury there without having a defendant's relative be part of it.

There was also a pickup truck theft involved, which the defendant readily admitted to, but he wasn't the killer he said. and over the course of maybe 45 minutes of asking questions of potential jurors, the very smooth Southern defense lawyer framed so many his questions to reveal the very shallow case against his client. by this time the DA was a nervous wreck, because they had less than circumstantial evidence - and the defense attorney was not being a showoff, he just perfectly put together questions and when they wrapped up the selection, i left utterly convinced there was an enormous amount of credible doubt. you could feel that thought fill the courtroom.

the trial was supposed to last a week, it took 3 days and he was acquitted.

was fascinating to watch!!
posted by Mr.Pointy at 2:53 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

I sat for a Federal Grand Jury a number of years ago.

Most people do not have enough of an understanding of how our legal system works to really be effective jurists. I seemed to be the only one in my group that understood that is was dependent on the state to make their case. Combined with a lack of critical thinking and/or a default bias to trust the district attorneys meant that a lot of cases brought before us were pushed forward with minimal (imo) supporting evidence.

I don’t know if this is the case for ALL grand jurys, but we were allowed to ask questions of the ADAs. Twice, I asked a specific question about a certain shakily supported piece of evidence, and the response was an IMMEDIATE, “no, I don’t have that information but I can get it.” No push-back at all. It felt very powerful, in a way I’ve never felt in any legal circumstance. That case was put on continuance and by god they came back with evidence that addressed the question.

One case one a large, sprawling, racketeering case. Because we had been empaneled when the case was first brought, we were required to go back periodically over the course of two years as the DAs got more and more evidence, and until the DAs had presented their entire case to us. Having certain Big Names who had turned states’ witness come in and deliver their statements in person to us was…. a thing. It was quite a thing.

I am absolutely seconding the earlier request to not bunk out of jury duty. Duty to a non-authoritarian form of government; people with knowledge and critical thinking skills are dearly needed; and it is both fascinating and humbling.
posted by Silvery Fish at 3:41 PM on April 11, 2022 [11 favorites]

Going throught my drafts folder the other day I came across this post I had been building for Eponsterical Month a while ago and never got around to sharing.

The 1993 album On The Floor Of Heaven by country-rock band The Blue Shadows is a masterpiece of evocative lyrics, brilliant harmonies, strong playing, and atmospheric sound. From the rousing opening rocker to the haunting sadness of its closing track, it's the perfect mix of rockabilly and high lonesome, a blend of early rock and roll and early county resulting in a timeless treasure.

Coming On Strong
The Fool Is The Last One To Know
If I Were You
Think On It
Deliver Me
A Thousand Times
If It Ain't Rockin'
On The Floor Of Heaven
When Will This Heartache End
The Embers
I Believe
Is Anybody Here

Bonus:
(Born To Be) Riding Only Down
Soldier Of Love (Lay Down Your Love) live

On The Floor Of Heaven was reissued in 2010 as a deluxe set with a second album of additional material.

(Technically my username comes from a poem I wrote called Blue Shadows that was inspired by this album. Also, I'm not generally a big fan of country music, but this hits the sweet spot for me.)
posted by blue shadows at 3:44 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

Hey mittens, just in case you don't know and do have a cat, Kalanchoe plants are quite toxic to cats. They're really beautiful. Yes they do want full sun to bloom, by the way. But they'll be ok in part or filtered sun, they just won't grow fast or bloom. I took one I rescued from near death from a plant-killing relative through two Massachusetts winters by a window that gets only a few hours of really good sun in winter. It was fine. They also like a full wet/dry cycle, was my impression. Alas I had gotten mine quite large and even transplanted it to a 5 gallon container before I learned it was dangerous to my kitty, and I had to keep it inside for 4-5 months a year.

Don't worry it went to very good cat free home.
posted by spitbull at 3:51 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

thegirlwiththehat I am sorry nobody noticed the new skirt you made. People just don't pay attention!

I have finished 21 days of a 30-day drawing challenge (self link, first 20), which has included some very late nights before work.

Recently I've been thinking a lot about that scenario where we are (or maybe just I am) living in a simulated reality. (Probably not. But how could I be sure?)
posted by Glinn at 3:51 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Well, got to pee in a cup today to start my new job. They're NOT testing for THC which is good for me. They ARE testing for opioids, cocaine, amphetamines, and PCP, none of which are on my menu. Was a bit annoyed they made me wait 90 minutes to pee in a cup, but maybe that made it easier for me when the time finally did come.
posted by hippybear at 3:55 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

Feel free to post a skirt pic here, if you're so inclined?
posted by jenfullmoon at 4:23 PM on April 11, 2022

I turned 40 this weekend. 40!! I had a wonderful dinner out with my parents, brother’s family, and a few other very close friends. I watched the Masters and some decent soccer. I drank one too many margaritas. It was great!
posted by Fritzle at 4:25 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]

The weather here has all over the temp range here in SE NC. Corporate has decided that we are a "deep south" store so the plants start showing up in early March. Every f*in weekend except one has brought temps at or below 40 at night. All the sensitive plants have to be put on mobile racks and brought in at night when it's so cold. We often receive two tractor trailer truckloads of plants per day. Sick and tired of loading and unloading plants....Last weekend was finally at 42 so only a few things had to come in.

But, but, last weekend was the first major sale of the season. The sale started Thursday. By Saturday afternoon we were sold out of brown mulch, and were out of black mulch on Sunday. That's a massive quantity of mulch bags. Customers and everyone else in this hemisphere is ready for Spring damnit!
posted by mightshould at 4:30 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

It will be in the thirties at night for the next coupla days. Very cool for here, since last week hit us with a sudden 98° day, then a 95° follow up. It is beautiful now, and I am not getting after my garden soon enough.

I stopped sleeping with the shoulder sling early on, after a gruesome injury in 2019, but slept on my back, and wrapped that forearm around a pillow, at my side. I still sleep that way sometimes. Shoulder pinches , a count of five, then relax do ten, will help with desk work. There, I feel better now.

This long isolation is getting to me.
posted by Oyéah at 4:33 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

Just for fun: The Lost Legacy of Harry Baals, the Fort Wayne Mayor That Indiana Wants You to Forget: The four-term Republican mayor successfully and nobly guided the city through both the Great Depression and World War II. But today, it’s as if he never existed

Look no further than the Harry Baals Fiasco of 2011, when despite receiving more than 10 times the votes of other contenders in an online poll, city officials rejected naming a new downtown government building the “Harry Baals Government Center.”
“We realize that while Harry Baals was a respected mayor, not everyone outside of Fort Wayne will know that,” Beth Malloy, Fort Wayne’s deputy mayor at the time, said in a statement.

n fact, the only place Harry Baals’ memory is preserved belongs to a small trail on the outskirts of town. But even Harry Baals Drive was ultimately changed to “H.W. Baals Drive” because people reportedly kept stealing the street sign. However, just as this exhausting search to find any tangible semblance of recognition for Harry Baals in Fort Wayne started to feel completely futile, a disembodied voice rang out as I approached the sign. “Turn right onto Harry Baals Drive,” Google Maps’ entoned. “Continue on Harry Baals Drive for half a mile.”

posted by jenfullmoon at 4:36 PM on April 11, 2022 [13 favorites]

Using this thread to kill time until I can clock out. Very restless because I'm going to Neotropolis next week. Been waiting for this event for 2 years and have spent many an hour helping to wire up the (LED) neon signs.

Oh, and I get to take a detour to/from work because of construction. Until October. At least the drive is fun, as I travel from one side of a hill to the other.
posted by luckynerd at 4:39 PM on April 11, 2022

That's a massive quantity of mulch bags.

Compared to how much mulch in March? Do you think people overindulched in mulch, or are you happy with the resulch? Please, keep in toulch!
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:40 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

As the great grandson of a Harry Reeher, I love that story jenfullmoon. Thank you for sharing it.
posted by calamari kid at 4:44 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

When I was a kid, the older boys hockey coach was named Harry Dick…

We loled about that a lot…
posted by Windopaene at 4:50 PM on April 11, 2022

Here on the Gold Coast (Australia, not Africa), the weather is living up to the hype. The worst of the summer humidity is over, it's a balmy 26c and La Nina has taken the week off so it's not raining for a fucking change. We're preparing for camping over Easter at Teewah Beach, which is a welcome change from home renovations. I finally got around to getting a new (second-hand) trailer for the JetSki, as I didn't fancy towing the very rusty old one up and down the beach. Not looking forward to squeezing everything in or on the car, setting up camp, packing down etc, but very much looking forward to a few days of relaxing on the beach with (Best. Thing. Ever.) no mobile phone or Internet coverage :-).
posted by dg at 4:50 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

I have 28 hours to turn in 4 missing assignments each for two college classes. Feeling a little lost in the sauce. This is how I failed out of college the first time; I thought as an adult I’d have a better handle on it. Could use hugs/advice/encouragement.
posted by Night_owl at 4:52 PM on April 11, 2022 [7 favorites]

Hugs definitely, Night_owl! Plus: you have twenty usable hours and eight assignments, so two hours each, just start with the earliest assignment of the harder class and go. We’re rooting for you.
posted by clew at 4:58 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

Hang in there, Night_owl. I recommend coffee (but not too much!) and ridiculous 80s power ballads, or whatever your pick for upbeat music that's slightly outside your normal playlist is. Focus on one task at a time and keep a narrow field of vision on it. You got this.
posted by biogeo at 5:00 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

To Riff on Jenfullmoon's tangent about Mr. Baals, the founding reference librarian at UCLA was Hugh G. Dick, and there's a lovely plaque at the back of the main library reference desk with his name in elaborate script.
posted by effluvia at 5:19 PM on April 11, 2022 [4 favorites]

This is the week leading into the arguably most storied one-day bike race in the world, Paris-Roubaix. P-R is one of the five monuments, and one of the Spring Classics, epic one-day races that the so-called "hard men" spend all year dreaming about, and that most road racers dread, with cold weather, cobbled narrow farm roads, rain, and deceptively difficult climbs.

Unfortunately (or fortunately), the weather forecast for this area of France looks to be dry and warm. Rescheduled in 2021 for the fall, the race was rainy and while it was miserable for the riders, it was spectacular for the spectators. (And thank effing god, there is FINALLY a women's edition after far too long. Saturday will be the second.)
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 6:30 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]

I wonder why they didn't try calling him Harold?

Anyway, got the first tentative nibble on my Denver job search so I will hopefully talking to them this week. And have probably narrowed down to a few likely apartments near my kid's school.

All good, and I would normally be psyched, but I'm only moving at this time and to this place because Texas hates trans kids, and that really sucks the fun out of it. I never had any Colorado-specific dreams or plans, so I don't have anything in particular (other than great hiking) to get excited about.

(No slam on Colorado, it's beautiful! And we're lucky we can do this! I'm just resenting that we have to do this at all right now).
posted by emjaybee at 6:36 PM on April 11, 2022 [6 favorites]

Sorry that your current state has so many terrible people who vote. Good luck!
posted by Windopaene at 6:45 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

If it's any consolation, from the perspective of a SoCal person you can live in the areas Denver people think are kinda far (as far as Parker) and getting into the city center still feels quick. I've really enjoyed the time I've spent there, and would consider moving there if my particular situation didn't prevent it.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:46 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I wonder why they didn't try calling him Harold?

I'm guessing a guy who was unashamed to pronounce it "Balls" and not "Bales" wasn't gonna wuss out and go by Harold. He was what he was, and he got elected, dammit!
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:58 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Rewatching some MCU movies today. I watched Thor: Ragnarok this afternoon. After we have spent maybe 45 minutes with Hulk (who has taken over indefinitely from Banner), an emotional shock sends the Hulk skedaddling and a disoriented Banner re-emerges to find that Hulk has been dominant since the Battle of Sokovia a couple of years earlier.

I gotta say, the disorientation and alarm that Banner feels at having lost two years of his life plays out very differently to a viewer in spring 2022 than it did when the movie came out.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:01 PM on April 11, 2022 [8 favorites]

The weather here has gone completely bananapants. On Saturday there were flurries. Sunday it was in the mid 70s and I was mowing grass in shorts. Today was overcast, cool, and rainy enough to need a sweatshirt.

Just...pick something. Anything. In other news, one of us apparently drunk-ordered strawberry plants in the middle of winter and they showed up here the other day. Neat?

Opened the box and said "uh, these are not tomatoes." Neither of us could remember a thing about it, but one of the children piped up that she recalled all of us lounging on the couch sometime after Christmas and it was definitely then. Anyhoo. We'll probably put them into containers.

May you all be surprised by random fruit plants showing up at odd times.
posted by jquinby at 7:17 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]

March was actually okay here in New Jersey, until the end when temperatures dived well below normal. Nobody needs that crap, especially at that point. I did my once a year walk in the Pine Barrens today, at the Franklin Parker Preserve. It's a beautiful place that's taking farmed cranberry bogs and turning them into more natural wetlands. The pine trees were alive with pine warblers, go figure.
posted by mollweide at 7:33 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Had recent Surgery and finally was able to get back to some exercise. Not really into it but I try to do enough to get some of the Health benefits. So, mostly aerobic with ambitions for later of some Strength training.

I've worked out a Mental trick to enable me to do long distance/time aerobic exercise. Well, a lot longer than I can do without the trick.

I realized that I could pair up the constant focus of Meditation to the ongoing feeling of the exercise in my body. Use *that* continuing sensation as the Focus that I'd keep bringing my mind/head back to (again and again). Like you would do in Meditation with a Mantra or "Following the Breath" or...

It has advantages.

No boredom about monotonous exercise is a big one. You can't get bored if you keep pulling your head back to the ongoing sensations of the exercise. You (or at least I) seem to need to think thoughts to really get bored.

Your constant focus on your body's sensations can help you take it easier in your movements/breathing. Allowing less damage to your joints and such. But really the blending of my breathing with the movements is a bigger advantage that the constant focus allows. It allows me to go much faster/harder/longer. With the same level of soreness/damage afterwards.

All of that and I get to practice Meditation *and* exercise at the same time. A twofer! :)
posted by aleph at 7:41 PM on April 11, 2022 [5 favorites]

I realized that I could pair up the constant focus of Meditation to the ongoing feeling of the exercise in my body. Use *that* continuing sensation as the Focus that I'd keep bring my mind/head back to (again and again). Like you would do in Meditation with a Mantra or "Following the Breath" or...

See also ritualistic dancing and Buddhist walking monks. Or even long distance hiking sometimes. Or doing scales on the piano. Anything you can focus on that is repetitive and specific will let you find a meditative space, I think.
posted by hippybear at 7:46 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I agree. But those seem to just couple body sensations to the Meditation. And of course a lot of the same "twofer" benefits. But *this* allows aerobic conditioning as a big plus. As well as the whole you can now do distasteful exercise so much better. :)

I certainly think there are other traditions that seem to do some (a lot?) of this. The Sufi dancing comes to mind though their focus seems to be different.
posted by aleph at 7:51 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Go see Everything Everywhere All at Once.
posted by AlSweigart at 8:01 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

Should have mentioned that I live in the Portland area and like today the weather is frequently not good. I have an old manual Nordic Track ski machine that gives me an upper and lower body workout. But there are plenty of other machines. I developed this to optimize my exercise on that when I didn't feel like going out.
posted by aleph at 8:04 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

I would really like to see EEAAO in a theater, but the case numbers in my county are continuing to be around 250 a DAY right now, and that's well above my threshold for sitting in a room for 2 hours with a bunch of strangers, even wearing masks.
posted by hippybear at 8:05 PM on April 11, 2022 [1 favorite]

To all those who are complaining about the unpredictable weather: I'm sorry, it's my fault.

As soon as I make a move to plant anything outdoors, it starts either hailing or snowing. I had thought that I was only affecting local conditions but I guess that was wishful thinking.

Anyway, I have been afforded plenty of opportunity to recall Frost's "Two Tramps in Mud Time", long a favorite..

"The sun was warm but the wind was chill.
You know how it is with an April day
When the sun is out and the wind is still,
You’re one month on in the middle of May.
But if you so much as dare to speak,
A cloud comes over the sunlit arch,
A wind comes off a frozen peak,
And you’re two months back in the middle of March."

posted by Nerd of the North at 8:37 PM on April 11, 2022 [10 favorites]

Savannah GA continues to be lovely this time of year.
posted by djseafood at 8:56 PM on April 11, 2022 [2 favorites]

To be honest, the workplace name/deadname subthread is making me super uncomfortable and feeling othered, and maybe that most of you have no idea how hard it is to actually reinvent yourself as trans or between or of undefined genders.

Granted I think the person in question should at least pick a nickname or something to be called for social or work purposes but... I totally understand the anxiety involved here. I also don't know what the compassionate or patient route would be to help them, or you.

I do know that I feel that this is less ridiculous and more difficult than one would think it is. Unless you're trans you have no idea of the terror of being asked to define your pronouns or chosen name as a permanent, definitive thing in a world that favors a gender binary.

Parts of my feelings about this have everything to do with the unrelenting shit show of employment, capitalism and defining your self worth or identity in that kind of often toxic social environment.

I find myself I'm asking myself if you - the proverbial you - have had the same problems with referring to the Artist Formally Known As Prince by a their unpronounceable symbol or if you just skated over that as someone distant to you who was a wacky musician and artist. I ask if you're allowing the person in question the same flexibility as you would have afforded Prince, which also wasn't Prince's actual name.

Ho hum. Anyway.

In other news my doctor's appointment to get checked out for long covid and CFS symptomsf ended up having to be canceled due to last minute report of exposure to covid while I was biking to my appointment. I was halfway there and ended up having to call in the cancellation. I'm PCR testing tomorrow and I'm rescheduling the appointment.

I'm so tired and exhausted I don't even have the words for it. It's not even remotely normal. I didn't know this kind of constant, pervasive exhaustion even existed and I've been through some really serious shit. I feel like I could sleep for months and years on end and still be exhausted.

I'm really hesitant to whine about being so comprehensively tired and worn out but I feel like I should talk about it. If my timeline and history is right I caught covid 2-3 times early on in the pandemic, and thus I may be at the forefront for any weird CFS or long covid health issues, and I really hope I'm not right about this.

But if I'm right about this then I'm the proverbial canary in the coal mine and there's a whole lot of people in my general age and health demographic that is in for some seriously hellish shit and we're going to be collectively facing a secondary health crisis even if it's only a few percent of covid survivors going through what I appear to be going though.

I'm so tired. I feel way less smart and clear than I was before the pandemic.

And everyone around me is already tired and exhausted by the pandemic and doesn't have room for talking about it.

I am so utterly exhausted I can barely sleep. My body aches with totally out of scale fatigue. I feel like I've aged 10-20 years since the start of the pandemic. I am as to a gray, cold coal or cinder and it's incredibly confusing and unreal.

I know this post isn't fun or mellow or entertaining, but this isn't a cry for help. I have a care team and a great doctor. I have friends in my life that I'm talking to about all of this.

I want to share for the record in case anyone else is dealing with symptoms like this because it's all so new and different and people aren't really talking about it yet. I have a whole list of totally bizarre symptoms I can talk about with long covid, including brain fog, fatigue, body pain and weird optical or visual disturbances.

And sharing this and confronting this has been a tremendous effort over the past 5-6 months.

There's something bigger and chronic here that is very likely covid related and I don't know where else to talk about it.
posted by loquacious at 8:57 PM on April 11, 2022 [29 favorites]

loquacious: You're heard

Not going to even try to say something helpful and screw it up.

You're heard
posted by aleph at 9:13 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

I'm so sorry loquacious. That's tough. I've been struggling with insomnia for a long time now so I have a small idea of how hard it can be to be so TIRED all the damn time.

I'm officially jealous of you, calamari kid. I will now go and play sadly with my own little d&d dice collection in the little dice bag I so hopefully made during lockdown.

Thanks for the insect video, notquitemaryann
Will watch it today in a break from marking web design assignments. It sounds lovely.
posted by Zumbador at 9:56 PM on April 11, 2022 [3 favorites]

I have a whole list of totally bizarre symptoms I can talk about with long covid, including brain fog, fatigue, body pain and weird optical or visual disturbances.

I had all of those, on and off, after a bout of pneumonia ten years ago and it was a couple of years before I lucked into getting rid of them. It's a dreary way to live but it will pass. May that passing happen for you, and get you back on your bicycle for pleasure, much sooner than you expect it to.

All the best, loquacious. You're seen here, and greatly valued.
posted by flabdablet at 12:39 AM on April 12, 2022 [4 favorites]

Unless you're trans you have no idea of the terror of being asked to define your pronouns or chosen name as a permanent, definitive thing in a world that favors a gender binary.

It helps me to remind myself of this, when I struggle to understand people. I can't understand them, I can feel compassion for them. Hugs to you, loquacious, you are a member of this community that I like very much and respect.
posted by mumimor at 12:56 AM on April 12, 2022 [4 favorites]

Night_owl , how are you doing? When my kids were struggling with papers, I always tried to remind them that they just have to pass, not to get A. That seemed to help.

Also, make an appointment with the student counselor at your university now. There is help, no one wants you to fail.
posted by mumimor at 12:59 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

Too much One Night in Bangkok...

Lazy Town - One Night In Bangkok - YouTube
One Night In Bangkok Cowboy Bebop Anime by Murray Head - YouTube
Durarara Amv: One Night In Bangkok - YouTube
One Night in Bangkok [Bitpop/Chiptune] - Tribute to Murray Head & Chess - YouTube
Master Blaster - One Night in Bangkok - YouTube
posted by zengargoyle at 2:01 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

I feel bad for everyone complaining about cold weather, but I'm personally dreading the looming, awful summer that is darkening (brightening?) the skies here. It's already jackets-off time in Chicago, and sauna time indoors and on transit because no institution can figure out when to turn their goddamn heaters off. I'm constantly using the fan in my five year old "smart building" office.

I'm loving every last moment when I can walk outdoors without sweating. I recognize summer is useful for growing crops and living as a firefly, but I don't understand why people build cities in places where it happens. It's awful. I look forward to moving to a planet with a less steep inclination. I'm guessing the twilight regions on tidally locked planets will be in high demand, but it's probably worth it.
posted by eotvos at 4:33 AM on April 12, 2022 [5 favorites]

I'm guessing the twilight regions on tidally locked planets will be in high demand, but it's probably worth it.

I don’t know if it’s ever been properly modeled out to see how such a planet’s surface conditions would work in reality, but my gut check is that the wind in the twilight region would be constant and atrocious. There’s always gonna be something.
posted by notoriety public at 5:33 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

loquacious , my dear, brave compatriot: can you talk a little more about the “weird optical or visual disturbances” you’re experiencing? I am too - I’ve been to the eye doctor three times in the last year, and I think they think I’m nuts. I’m wondering if what I’m experiencing tracks with what you’re experiencing.
posted by Silvery Fish at 6:17 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

I find myself I'm asking myself if you - the proverbial you - have had the same problems with referring to the Artist Formally Known As Prince by a their unpronounceable symbol or if you just skated over that as someone distant to you who was a wacky musician and artist. I ask if you're allowing the person in question the same flexibility as you would have afforded Prince, which also wasn't Prince's actual name.

I didn't know Prince IRL. Prince was a media/tabloid figure to me. At the time it was like "okay, I get why you're changing it in protest, but...to something nobody can pronounce?!" And frankly, picking something people literally could not say was weird. "The Artist" or "TAFKAP" were what people came up with as a workaround, and I guess Prince was okay with that because I don't recall him objecting to it. Prince was distant to me and it did fall into "wacky artist" territory at the time.

However, I think it's one thing to hear about that in the media, and quite another to work with and be around Prince every day and not be able to refer to him by some kind of spellable placeholder name for work reasons and not know how to get coffee. That's where it just gets weird. And whether or not _____ wants to commit to pronouns or not (I note the letter writer did not specify if _____ was trans and did not bring up pronouns as an issue at all, though I concur it's likely), it's really, really, really awkward to literally not be able to refer to someone by ANYTHING at all. We're agreed that some kind of placeholder reference needs to be had here.

Right now I have a situation going on IRL where someone I know is apparently PARTIALLY out as being trans, but not to everyone openly and definitely isn't out to me personally since we're not particularly close. I know because rumor mill, but I'm not supposed to know. I just can't refer to them by any name or pronouns now at all at this point when they come up in conversation and I am not enjoying this weird awkwardness limbo. "...um.... and I took out the trash" actually happened the other week. I'm told they "don't wanna make a big deal of it" but I really wish they'd just openly say something to everyone already so this weirdness would end, and other people I've talked to about it privately have said the same. It makes a bigger deal to have to pretend that we're not seeing this elephant in the living room here than if we just acknowledged the situation.

I think (nice) people will go with what you want, and I get that you're uncomfortable picking a side, but it also makes everything/everyone else more uncomfortable when they don't know how to refer to you at all AND are not allowed to refer to you as anything at all. People will go with what you want if you tell them what it is you want, but literally not being able to say anything to refer to someone is awkward AF and that's what's stuck with me about this particular situation. I can't imagine trying to work with _____ when we can't even ask ____ something in the work Slack channel. It makes you want to avoid talking to _____ if you can't refer to them easily and _____ will be hurt and offended if you get it wrong, but _____ isn't helping anyone to make dealing with their namelessness any easier. _____ really needs to come up with SOMETHING to refer to them as that they can deal with or at least not despise, temporarily, until they figure out something more permanent.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:29 AM on April 12, 2022

I've always avoided referring to Prince in discussions about people's names or pronouns, etc, because my understanding is that in Prince's case it was all about a contract & trademark dispute, and being unable to release records as "Prince" independently until it expired.

I hope you're OK loquacious! I always appreciate your thoughts. (And your awesome stories.)
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:47 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

I hope all NY MeFites and their friends and family’s are safe following this morning’s tragedy.
posted by interogative mood at 8:00 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

mumimor, thanks for asking. I've finished two of the assignments for one class, which is enough to get me to pass it. So now I'm moving on to the other class. If I have time after I've done all the assignments for that class, I'll go back to the first one. What I'm really struggling with the most is the shame and guilt I feel for having left all this til the last minute. If I fail, I will lose money I can't afford to lose and it will take me an extra three months to graduate! And it's just a stupid online college, I just can't get off my butt to do things on time somehow.
posted by Night_owl at 8:02 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

I was toying with whether to post something about that NY event - I didn't actually know about it until my parents texted me to ask if I was okay. I fortunately have not needed to use the subway for my work commute in 2 years, and that station is about 2 miles south of me so my roommate was unaffected as well. All my crew are also posting "I'm all good" comments on Facebook now, fortunately.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:03 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

Just want to say that every time I read a MeFi thread and see a post or comment from loquacious, I stop, settle back in my chair, anticipating something awesome, and I'm never disappointed. Even-- especially-- this time. Thank you for your openness and for bringing all of your experiences to this community.
posted by martin q blank at 8:08 AM on April 12, 2022 [4 favorites]

I've been where you are right now, Night_Owl. And continue to struggle with that sort of thing in work life. The shame and guilt don't help; you're doing what you can right now and that's what matters.

If it's never been looked at, when you're past this you may want to be evaluated for ADHD.
posted by snuffleupagus at 8:10 AM on April 12, 2022

Yeah, it's one of those things I've wondered about myself for awhile. I have a number of the signs. Awhile back I was seeking help and I suggested that to the doctor, but they shot that option down. I have new insurance and access to a new network of doctors now, so I might get evaluated at some point.
posted by Night_owl at 8:37 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

Night_owl, I teach college and want you to know that just getting something turned in, for each class, will really help.

Usually procrastination starts with perfectionism/maximizing.

For now, just follow the directions as closely as possible and get something turned in. Be as kind to yourself as you'd be to someone else who was struggling.

Break a leg!!
posted by allthinky at 8:48 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

Night_owl - something to bear in mind for when you do get evaluated for ADHD.

A friend suspected ADHD in themselves; they sought evaluation, but didn't have insurance and they went to one of those online "you don't need insurance!!!" screening sites which screwed things up royally. My friend was diagnosed after a half-assed screening and was over-prescribed medication for it, and ended up having a manic episode one weekend and freaking their roommate out babbling about Anthony Bourdain being the Second Coming or something. (They're fine now - they threw out the meds, the meds cleared their system in 2 days, and they've since realized they had PTSD instead and started getting treatment for that and they're WAAAAAAAAAY better now.)

So: when you go get evaluated, I would suggest sticking to an actual doctor with a physical office you can go to in meatspace so you are able to easily double-check "are you SURE I should feel like this?"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:56 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

the same flexibility as you would have afforded Prince, which also wasn't Prince's actual name.

I have zero to say on the subject of names and referents and fully leave that to folks affected to hash out but I do want to note that Prince WAS Prince's real name.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:58 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

Prince Rogers Nelson, in fact.
posted by hippybear at 9:00 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

I had a big gardening day yesterday in Chicago. Transplanted lettuce, onion, and kale seedlings and put down carrot and radish seeds in some boss compost I’m trying out for the first time. My apartment building’s yard is sinking drastically (renovation/flip next door dug out their basement which I assume contributed) and for the past 4 years my garden bed has been sinking unevenly. This leads to flooding in some areas during spring downpours and I’ve had to add topsoil and compost to make an even surface and avoid drowning my plants. Now the garden is 6-12" taller than the grass and I found a piece of wood behind the rat house, er garage, to build a kind of retaining wall to hold the dirt. Someday I will have a nice garden bed with clean soil that I don’t pick buttons, plastic, and rocks out of each year.

Earlier this spring I priced out buying untreated lumber and soil to build a real raised bed but it was hundreds of dollars. At this point I’m feeling so close to buying a house that I don’t want to invest the money. There’s so many things about this apartment I would have invested in if I’d known I’d be living here for 12 years. Bonus, the bunnies have found my garden and I can see their footprints in my dirt. I’ve never had bunny problems before, and I’m missing the family of hawks that nested across the street last year.
posted by Bunglegirl at 9:00 AM on April 12, 2022 [4 favorites]

With or without ADHD (or a diagnosis) this was a really great interview:

Ologies: Volitional Psychology (PROCRASTINATION) with Dr. Joseph R. Ferrari

Ferrari's book is Still Procrastinating?: The No Regrets Guide to Getting It Done. I bought the audiobook and forgot about it (heh).

In terms of deciding whether to be evaluated, Ologies also just had a series on ADHD; pt. 1 (Russell Barkley), pt. 2 (Attention-Deficit Neuropsychology (ADHD) with How to ADHD, Black Girl Lost Keys, Jahla Osborne + more), and the bonus episode w/listener tips and tricks.

I also think highly of the How To ADHD YouTube channel, and its hosts TED talk, "Failing at Normal." (gets a little emotional.)
posted by snuffleupagus at 9:08 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

And it's just a stupid online college, I just can't get off my butt to do things on time somehow.

For me - and a lot of folks I have spoken with - doing online courses is HARD. There's a tremendous benefit for many to being in a physical classroom with peers. Easier to ask questions (of the instructor, or other students), easier to arrange study/homework groups, easier to focus and be present in the room versus the distractions of home/elsewhere. The flexibility can be worth the tradeoffs, and some folks are less distracted with online work than in-class, but effectively taking online courses is no small thing.

Also nthing suggesting talking to a neurodiversity-informed GP or psych professional. That might not be an issue at all (there are so many brain things that can influence motivation to start or finish tasks) but it's something to check in on if it's negatively impacting your life.
posted by curious nu at 9:24 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

Earlier this spring I priced out buying untreated lumber and soil to build a real raised bed but it was hundreds of dollars.

If you get hold of a few sheets of used roofing iron from a scrap metal place or even the skip at a building demolition site, and hold it vertical by punching a few holes through it to tie or wire it onto a few star pickets, you can make a good deep raised bed that will last for at least ten years before the iron rusts out. Line the inside with used black builders' plastic (polyethylene, completely biologically inert) and it will last even longer.
posted by flabdablet at 9:33 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

I think bringing up Prince may not apply to gender issues, but absolutely applies for "I want to go by something you literally can't write or say" discussion. Especially since Prince is the only example of that coming up I've ever heard of before.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:52 AM on April 12, 2022

I thought I was too late for this thread and am so glad I’m not!

I got my second Covid booster today! Sore arm but happy for the extra protection, Frances numbers are not good and I’m back in England in a fortnight. I also voted in a presidential election for the first time this weekend!

We had 5 minutes of snow in Paris the other day with Storm Diego but the warm weather has come back.

EEAAO hasn’t come out here yet but I can’t wait.

Silvery Fish, if (long) Covid visual disturbances are anything like migraine auras, I get trails of light when I look away from a light source, like long exposure photos.
posted by ellieBOA at 9:57 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

The soil for raised beds does get expensive, especially if you need to buy it bagged (and even moreso if you're trying to use Mel's Mix; I'd reduce or omit the vermiculite and add perlite). Modified hugelkultur can help fill space (or even substitute for the beds on a larger scale).

Since the renewed interest in food growing at the beginning of Covid, home centers have started carrying livestock-tank style galvanized metal planters a seen on self sufficient me; those are probably cheaper than all the materials to build a bed given lumber prices. The rectangular style are in stock on the website, but the stores tend to have various sizes of the pre-assembled ovals if you go look. (HD and Lowes.)
posted by snuffleupagus at 10:05 AM on April 12, 2022

For what it's worth, my friend circle settled on "wankh" as our preferred English transliteration for TAFKAP's then-new symbol.
posted by flabdablet at 10:08 AM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

Modified hugelkultur can help fill space

If you get in touch with a local arborist, they will quite often have large amounts of fresh-cut woodchip that they're keen to give away, and you can fill all but the top foot of a deep raised bed with that. It will keep the topsoil well drained, yet retain huge amounts of moisture.

Woodchip made from trees cut down while alive will be full of sap and won't pull anywhere near as much nitrogen out of the soil you dump on top if it as dried woody scrap or chips would. If in doubt, give it a few weeks of daily soaking with a bucket of water into which you've also emptied your bladder, then add a two inch layer of horse poo, a six inch layer of topsoil, a two inch layer of compost and two more inches of fresh woodchip over the top of the whole lot for mulch.

Over time the underlying woodchip will break down and sink, making room for all the extra compost and mulch you're going to be adding to your raised bed year on year on year. Give it five years and you will have a super deep bed full of unbelievably rich soil that's just completely alive with earthworms.
posted by flabdablet at 10:25 AM on April 12, 2022 [5 favorites]

livestock-tank style galvanized metal planters

Actual galvanized iron water tanks make good planters too.

Again, there's absolutely no need to pay good money for materials that are still sound enough to see continued use as a water tank. Get hold of a used tank that's being thrown out because the bottom has rusted through, and you can use a sawzall or angle grinder to cut it into two or three hoops that make good walls for raised beds. After cutting, go around the top edges with a pair of pliers, progressively bending and crimping a half-inch strip inwards and downwards to make a folded seam. This will stop them wanting to take your hand off at the wrist every time you look at them funny.

Just like the roofing iron, these things will last for many many years before the metal rusts enough to lose structural integrity. They're also self-supporting without stakes, and the fact that they've got no gaps at corners makes it hard for runner grasses to infiltrate them.

If you're setting them on top of poorly draining soil, bang a bunch of holes a few inches up from the bottom for ventilation. Again, not so low as to let grasses get in easily.
posted by flabdablet at 10:48 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

Grand Jury service is brutal Rhaomi!

My wife served on a grand jury for a year, and is still recovering from the trauma of hearing about ALL of the terrible thing humans do to other humans in our county. I hope you have access to quality mental health care.
posted by schyler523 at 10:49 AM on April 12, 2022 [2 favorites]

Again, there's absolutely no need to pay good money for materials that are still sound enough to see continued use as a water tank

The thing is that for a lot of people interested in raised beds that kind of salvage isn't readily available. I'd be all for recycling materials if I had access to them. And I even have a sawzall, tin snips and the tools required, which many people don't, which can add up for a one-off project. Getting that kind of stuff home (vs. a flat packed planter for assembly) can be an obstacle too.

You could buy the sheet metal at HD and bend or cut it and attach it to stakes, but at the end of the day it won't save all that much over the kits (at least given prices for building materials here), and its hard work that's not obvious the first time you do it, requires some amount of strength, and it's easy to cut yourself doing it.

There's a tractor supply somewhere out further towards the outskirts of town, but they aren't any cheaper sold new as tanks than as planters. (I guess it's nice that HD and Lowes aren't gouging that way.)

I've been meaning to experiment with the mortar mixing tubs they sell at the building supply, as those are cheap. A kiddie pool with a gravel/soil mix and plant bags is also an alternative. Or the internet-famous rain gutter grow system.
posted by snuffleupagus at 11:08 AM on April 12, 2022

I just learned that my high school calculus teacher is still teaching having just celebrated his 90th birthday. I remember him as a sweet old man who you had to strain to hear, and who my friends and I used to (mostly good-naturedly) tease behind his back for being a million years old. And that was over 25 years ago. My brother and I were just recently reminiscing about him and how he surely must have died some years ago. I'm glad he's still going and I hope he stays safe. People love to say that they never use the math they learned in high school, but the math he taught me has been a central part of my life ever since.
posted by biogeo at 11:40 AM on April 12, 2022 [8 favorites]

I was toying with whether to post something about that NY event

For the archives: 16 people were injured on a NYC subway when a gunman popped a smoke grenade and then opened fire.
posted by Mitheral at 11:43 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

biogeo, I see your teacher never married and has no children. I bet he'd love to hear from an old student!
posted by Glinn at 11:49 AM on April 12, 2022

I was thinking that too!
posted by biogeo at 11:52 AM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

Got word that no matter what else happens, I passed one of the two courses. Not with a great grade, but I'm not trying to go into any further schooling, so. Finished one assignment for the other course. Working now on the one that's worth the most points. I have 8.5 hours to go. Sorry to clog the free thread, but it's sort of working to help me stay accountable?
posted by Night_owl at 12:23 PM on April 12, 2022 [14 favorites]

Good job, Night_owl! You can do this.
posted by mumimor at 12:27 PM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

As someone who went through a lot of schooling, I think worrying about grades is a young person's game. The most important thing is that you meet your own educational goals, and the next most important thing is meeting the requirements to get the credential. Putting in a huge amount of effort to get a perfect grade is fine if that's personally important to you, but if you pass and you're happy with what you learned, there's no reason to feel guilty about spending your limited time and energy on other things in your life.

In other words, passing is good enough, and good enough is good enough! You're doing great so far, you got this.
posted by biogeo at 12:53 PM on April 12, 2022 [5 favorites]

loquacious , my dear, brave compatriot: can you talk a little more about the “weird optical or visual disturbances”

Sure. This actually helps me rehearse what I need to tell my doctor.

It's like someone is randomly pushing on my eyeball through my eyelid and I'm getting a brief flash of a phosphene. It currently happens it's in both eyes, not usually at the same time. But it's in the same relative place in each eye, the bottom left and bottom right of each part of each eye respectively.

And I mean randomly. It isn't triggered by eye movement, nor from rubbing or massaging my eyes other than the usual phosphene that I would normally get from rubbing or applying pressure to my eyes. It happens in darkness or light. There's no pressure or pain involved. It doesn't scintillate or sparkle like a migraine or a detached retina. There's no photophobia or pain from bright lights. There are no other visual changes like blurred vision or double vision. It's not a vitreous humor detachment or floater. It's not persistent, either.

I also have no history of migraines with or without an aura and I normally don't get headaches at all.

Some days it doesn't happen at all, at least that I notice. Other days it happens frequently, dozens of times a day. It doesn't seem to be linked to insomnia, fatigue, activity or whether I'm well rested or not, or if I'm hydrated or not, or if I'm well fed or not. It happens when I'm feeling pretty ok and it happens when I'm fatigued.

It just pops off randomly and usually just flashes once, very briefly, generally in the same place and just like someone just gently poked me or flicked me in the side of my eye but without the pressure and then it goes away until next time. There's no lingering light or flash or pressure.

It almost feels or looks like a camera flash going off just out of view or with my eyes closed, but very localized to those bottom left and bottom right quadrants of my field of vision.

It doesn't match the symptoms of anything I've ever heard or read about with eye problems like detached retinas or other eye injuries, and I've been on watch for symptoms of a detached retina for years and years now. The symptoms don't match the "showers of sparks" or scintillation described for detached retinas.

My intuition is that it's something neurological and not related to any physical damage to the retina or eye.

It's not painful. It's not even that distressing other than the fact it doesn't match anything I've read outside of the reports of the still vaguely defined long covid CFS cases reporting "sparks" in their vision that sound a lot like this. And considering my extreme, ongoing fatigue and other CFS stuff and brain fog going on it seems like it's really likely that it's covid related and neurological.

It's super annoying and worrisome.
posted by loquacious at 12:54 PM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

Right now I have a situation going on IRL where someone I know is apparently PARTIALLY out as being trans, but not to everyone openly and definitely isn't out to me personally since we're not particularly close. I know because rumor mill, but I'm not supposed to know. I just can't refer to them by any name or pronouns now at all at this point when they come up in conversation and I am not enjoying this weird awkwardness limbo. "...um.... and I took out the trash" actually happened the other week. I'm told they "don't wanna make a big deal of it" but I really wish they'd just openly say something to everyone already so this weirdness would end, and other people I've talked to about it privately have said the same. It makes a bigger deal to have to pretend that we're not seeing this elephant in the living room here than if we just acknowledged the situation.

jenfullmoon, it sounds like you care and you're trying to do the right thing in with what sounds like an awkward situation.

It's definitely not my job to be a moderator, and with all gentleness I can muster I think the part that's bothering me is that this is probably not polite to discuss other people's identities who may or may not be fully out or public about their identity, even in removed and anonymous terms in a general chat thread in a public internet forum with strangers.

Yeah, if i was in their shoes I'd probably pick something people could use even if it was something like "Hey, you!" and try to use humor to deflect or diffuse the situation but that's me.

I'd also feel absolutely mortified if I was the topic like this on a public forum, which is really the part that was making me feel othered in your prior comment. And I didn't really articulate that part at all.

Anyway, they're probably feeling even more awkward than you are about everything.
posted by loquacious at 1:05 PM on April 12, 2022 [4 favorites]

loquacious: I am not a doctor, but -- if you try to identify your blind spots, does it seem like the focus of these phosphenes colocalizes with your blind spots, or is a different place?
posted by biogeo at 1:10 PM on April 12, 2022

Totally free-form thread and suddenly no one cares if it's 'in' Ukraine, 'on' Ukraine, or World War III even.

Huh.
posted by mazola at 1:43 PM on April 12, 2022

We have other threads for that.
posted by hippybear at 1:49 PM on April 12, 2022

Turned out we ordered not 3 strawberry plants, but 3 bundles each of 25 bare-root plants. Instead of containers, I'm going to stake out a legit strawberry patch and then commit to battling the damned bermudagrass for the rest of my life.
posted by jquinby at 1:52 PM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

loquacious: I am not a doctor, but -- if you try to identify your blind spots, does it seem like the focus of these phosphenes colocalizes with your blind spots, or is a different place?

Not in my foveal blind spots, no. I perceive it as at the extreme peripheral edge, always the lower left quarter for the left eye, and lower right quarter for the right eye. Same places for either eye every time.

And no worries, I will be talking to my doctor about it ASAP and will go to the ER if it gets worse or has any symptoms that actually match something like a detached retina. Though I have been trying to ignore it for months and being bad about that.

I mainly want to talk about it because it seems to be very new and covid related. I've done a bunch of homework about it trying to figure out if I need to go to an ER or not but it doesn't seem to be actively degrading my vision or progressing, it's mainly just weird and different and on top of everything else. If it wasn't for the persistent fatigue, brain fog, aches and pains and symptoms that resemble CFS I could more or less ignore it.

Ironically it hasn't really happened yet today but it comes and goes.
posted by loquacious at 1:59 PM on April 12, 2022

It almost feels or looks like a camera flash going off just out of view or with my eyes closed, but very localized to those bottom left and bottom right quadrants of my field of vision.

Huh. This sounds very distressing, and I’m glad you’re seeing a doctor about it (and I hope the practice of spelling it out helped.

Mine is completely different. I wear glasses; have for a long time. What’s happening for me is Mon-Thurs everything is clear with my glasses on, but then Friday morning and then for 3-5 days, everything is completely blurry with my glasses on. There’s not even a “I can get closer / move farther away from my object” that creates a sweet spot of clear vision. The blurriness gets worse as the day progresses, until it’s pointless to read anything by the end of the day. And then after the 3ish days, the glasses”work” again.

I had the expensive eye exam twice now to make sure there wasn’t retinal damage, cataracts, histoplasmosis - anything. Clean bill of eye health each time.

Right now, my money is on brain tumor, because it’s been one of those lifetimes. But the whole thing sounds crazy and I am not eager to have to advocate for myself on this. I know long covid is associated with systemic inflammation, so but could there be inflammation strong enough to change the shape of my eye or affect my optic nerve periodically?? And if anyone has experience that would indicate that this Might Indicate A BigThing, please let me know. Right now, I’m riding it out, but don’t know if that’s the right choice here.
posted by Silvery Fish at 2:03 PM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

Totally free-form thread and suddenly no one cares if it's 'in' Ukraine, 'on' Ukraine, or World War III even.

Huh.

the healthy thing is to think of nothing but Ukraine, and only discuss Ukraine, in fact we should just Ukraine Ukraine Ukraine

Ukraining me?
posted by elkevelvet at 2:07 PM on April 12, 2022 [1 favorite]

loquacious, sounds like you've got the right plan. Like I said, I'm not a doctor, but I am a neuroscientist who's studied vision, and I know a little about such things (enough to be dangerous to myself and others). If I were in your shoes, I think I'd feel about the same: concerned, but it doesn't feel like a sign of something that needs emergency attention. Other opinions may be available.
posted by biogeo at 2:11 PM on April 12, 2022

I'm not a doctor, but I am a neuroscientist who's studied vision

Wait wait wait... biogeo doesn't study the life cycle of rocks?
posted by hippybear at 2:14 PM on April 12, 2022

Not in this timeline. I hope the alternate timeline one that does is having a good life though, seems rewarding.
posted by biogeo at 2:21 PM on April 12, 2022

I hear putting trackers on them is pretty useless, lots of Lazy Geoffs.
posted by hippybear at 2:25 PM on April 12, 2022 [6 favorites]

The thing is that for a lot of people interested in raised beds that kind of salvage isn't readily available.

Totally. I ordered compost from a local-ish gardening group but even though they offered delivery, once I inquired they figured out it would be around $50 delivery fee (5 miles). So I went about the trouble of borrowing a car to pick it up but I only have so much good will available and have to be strategic about when I borrow that car. We all live in our own realities — those with cars and space and tools (and storage for them) have a bit different experience than myself. Even if I found a used metal tank in the city I’d have no way to get it home. I did, however, use blue tape to attach three 8' garden stakes to my bike to get those home.
posted by Bunglegirl at 2:31 PM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

In that case, I will bow out of the thread. I apologize for all the discomfort I've caused you, loquacious. I clearly should have known better than to say anything.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:00 PM on April 12, 2022

the healthy thing is to think of nothing but Ukraine, and only discuss Ukraine, in fact we should just Ukraine Ukraine Ukraine

I wanna know, have you ever seen Ukraine?
posted by Greg_Ace at 3:10 PM on April 12, 2022

In that case, I will bow out of the thread. I apologize for all the discomfort I've caused you, loquacious. I clearly should have known better than to say anything.

Thank you for listening. But asking you to bow out or be silent wasn't my intent and I'm not trying to put you in the hot seat or attack you about it, but I am trying to share.

I appreciate your participation on this site as a whole, I like you and I don't think you're being willfully mean or anything.

I'm less personally discomforted but more imagining myself in this person's shoes and it's bothering me, and I'm operating under the idea that you'd like to know about it what it might feel like to be in those shoes because I know from your participation here that you're a good person. If i didn't think this, I would just flag it and move on.

And, yeah, your workplace situation does sound difficult and awkward, but maybe it's something better suited for an AskMe about how to support this person or work with them, even if it's a fun nickname or handle or something. Or maybe talk to them and listen actively as a friend somewhere private about it, because, yeah, having no name at all has to be difficult at work. Maybe you already tried that and maybe they lashed out or got weird because they're scared or just irritated by the whole concept of names and the gender binary and status quo.

I know this kind of lashing out happens a lot with GSM, trans or non-binary people because they often feel like they're backed into a corner or suffocating under the status quo.

But I do think airing someone else's issues about this particular topic isn't very sympathetic, empathic or sensitive. It sounds like they're going through some stuff and feeling awkward about it.

Personally I struggled for a long time with gender neutral pronouns because they can be really awkward, but it's become second nature today. I fully support gender neutral pronouns because there's a lot of GSM people that aren't out or don't have the strength to ask people to use different pronouns, and that neutrality is inclusive and opens doors for people to be themselves or not feel bad about being misgendered, even if the people doing it mean well and are fully supportive.

I have had people come out to me in private or otherwise thank me for making that effort and holding space for them even though I had no way of knowing what they were going through internally with, well, anything about their identity.

Binary gender politics are a huge pain in the ass. Cis people in general don't notice this any more than a fish notices water, but when you're trans or nonbinary it's in your face everywhere, all the time. In media, at work, in advertising and in your social life, it's all around you and when you try talking about how water is wet everyone looks at you like you're being weird, shrill or difficult.

If I had a dollar for every time someone offered me a sincere, warm compliment based on my perceived gender that in reality internally made me feel uncomfortable I could afford the down payment on a rather nice house. Even today I have a hard time saying anything about how I feel about these innocent, well meaning compliments except to the closest friends, and my closest friends know better anyway and just don't do that.

So for whatever reason I feel brave enough to talk about it. If you have any take-away here it's that I feel comfortable enough to talk about it with you, here, and publicaly share about what it's like, not that I think you committed some kind of grave social misdeed or were being intentionally hurtful.

Hugs if you want them!
posted by loquacious at 3:50 PM on April 12, 2022 [10 favorites]

Well, with 13 minutes left until the assignment dropbox is closed down, I finished everything I can do. Now it is up to the professor, who will grade me as she will. I have an agonizing week of waiting ahead of me to find out if I'm going to pass this class and have just two courses in one ten-week term ahead of my graduation, or three courses across 20 weeks and a wasted load of money.

Thanks for your boosts today, everyone.
posted by Night_owl at 8:49 PM on April 12, 2022 [12 favorites]

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you Night_owl!
posted by sharp pointy objects at 9:12 PM on April 12, 2022

i haven't posted in the free threads in a while, but uh, have been actively procrastinating in the other thematic threads. on that note, i'm done with my side hustle ad-hoc consultancy and phew, lesson learned, my ADHD brain can only actively procrastinate on ONE work thing at a time. Maximum two, and as a result, the other ngo work (unpaid at that so i can't even trick my brain with financial incentive) have been so insufferably behind and the exec secretary has been holding the fort administratively.

ah well, at least i started on a new crochet project.
posted by cendawanita at 10:34 PM on April 12, 2022 [3 favorites]

with 13 minutes left until the assignment dropbox is closed down, I finished everything I can do.

At this point I recommend getting righteously stoned if you have the wherewithal to do so, then going out for a good long walk, then sleeping like the dead until you wake on your own.

Also, well played.
posted by flabdablet at 1:04 AM on April 13, 2022 [2 favorites]

loquacious: Scintillating Scotoma - Objectivity 255 - YouTube? You would be in good company.
posted by zengargoyle at 1:22 AM on April 13, 2022 [1 favorite]

Yay Night_Owl!

As the old joke goes, "what do you call a medical student who graduates in the bottom of their class? Doctor."
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:10 AM on April 13, 2022 [1 favorite]

Huzzay Night_Owl!

....So, I freely admit I was using it as an excuse last night, but I think when it comes to excuses for skipping the gym, "there's an active shooter situation in my city" is kinda hard to refute, yeah? I've been a good girl, I can afford to skip things just once.

A Facebook friend who lives near the station in question and uses it on the regular just posted an update about how he and his kids rode their bikes past the station this morning and everything looked back to normal already. NYC has a way of taking its lumps and keeping moving. (The "security cameras" in the station are another matter, but we won't talk about that.)
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:10 AM on April 13, 2022

I hear putting trackers on [rocks] is pretty useless, lots of Lazy Geoffs

Perhaps not as useless as might be expected.
posted by flabdablet at 9:42 AM on April 13, 2022 [1 favorite]

So once I had to go back to a "normal" sleep schedule (aka not just sleeping until noon every single day) all of that lovely clarity and energy I had during my COVID bout went right away. I am thinking more seriously than ever that a full career/life/everything overhaul is in order; apparently, a 9-5 work schedule is harder on my body and mind than literally an oft-lethal disease.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 12:28 PM on April 13, 2022 [4 favorites]

loquacious: Scintillating Scotoma - Objectivity 255 - YouTube? You would be in good company.

Unfortunately or fortunately, nope. Whatever I have that's going on isn't like anything I can find online.

Granted I might have a brain tumor, who knows?
posted by loquacious at 5:36 PM on April 13, 2022

I read that sometimes the migraines go away, but the visual effects still manifest. Also people will get target shapes for reasons. Worry is not good for anything. Get some rest. My covid booster has handed me my day, in a holey bucket of blah. I just saw one of those zig zag arcs. Yeah, so rest.
posted by Oyéah at 6:07 PM on April 13, 2022

I get scintillating scotoma from time to time, but only when at the very limit of exhaustion and stress. Fortunately no other migrane symptoms. Regarding the "limit of exhaustion and stress" it sounded like Loquacious might have fit the profile, but the description of the visual did NOT match. Scintillating scotoma isn't brief, it takes like half an hour (at least for me, and I believe that duration is typical) for it to start, spread, and fade.

Whatever it is, I hope you find relief!
posted by notoriety public at 6:18 PM on April 13, 2022

Well if there's any good news, I'd say that the fact that you're getting these phenomena on both sides of your visual field makes it less likely that it's a tumor. And the fact that it's not associated with your optic discs makes it less likely that it's a CSF pressure imbalance. I mean, again, I can't stress enough that I'm not a (medical) doctor, that's just what I'd be thinking about if it were me.
posted by biogeo at 6:43 PM on April 13, 2022 [1 favorite]

the corona refuses to leave. I still cough a lot, my chest hurts, and I still feel very hazy and struggle to do even banal tasks. I feel feverish, though my temperature is normal. That all said, I always suspected that I would have a hard time with it, because of my bad respiratory health, so I feel blessed that I got the vaccine and booster. This could have been far worse.

And I am getting better, I can smell and taste things now, though not at my normal level. I'm making the classic Marcella Hazan tomato, onion and butter sauce, and it feels good to be able to smell the tomatoes and onions, and maybe even a hint of the butter. I wonder why it isn't luring the mouse out of her hole, so I'm guessing she might not be home. (I know the others are at work, I saw them leave). She has been made head cook of the kitchen she works in -- I don't think she would use the word chef, so I won't either -- and now she has different working hours.
posted by mumimor at 4:40 AM on April 14, 2022 [10 favorites]

Talented starling sitting outside my window this morning. It's cycling though horse whinny, frog croak and pheasant crow.
posted by Tenuki at 8:18 AM on April 14, 2022 [10 favorites]

i don't dare put this in the ukraine thread - i don't think anyone's going to stand for it to be an fpp - but some terrible things must be faced

ladies and gentlemen, may i present vladimir putin singing blueberry hill

warning - it's worse than you think - and yes, it really really is putin singing blueberry hill
posted by pyramid termite at 5:06 PM on April 15, 2022 [2 favorites]

Just thinking of that, makes my stomach churn.
posted by Oyéah at 6:14 PM on April 15, 2022

Never invite Putin to your Bar Mitzvah.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:22 PM on April 15, 2022 [1 favorite]

This

I lay in the sun today
And those worries
About the conjunction of
Religious holidays
And resultant violence,
And threats from a nuclear
Narcisst, with serious street Creds, diminished in the glow
From our lovely star
Who warmed us, evenly
Regardless of our beliefs,
And horrific mistreatment,
Of each other, and our planet
In spite of abundance
Without measure.
We owe no one a ride out of here,
Until here is pristine, in our Presence, no matter of talk
Or verbal malfeasance,
False witness, blatant Witlessness, we have work to do.
And many do it,
In good spirit, taking the cause
Of others without pause,
Speaking and acting peace, in spite of egregious loss.
There are heroes among us,
Quiet, brilliant, persistent,
Let us move forward toward
Reconciliation of what we are
And what we need to be,
So many heroes, it takes,
To offset the deeds of the Dedicated, delusional, noble do Gooders, who wire land mines,
Level apartments, smoke bloody Children in portable devices,
To hide their Christian misdeeds.
Noble thoughts propelling bullets,
Rockets, rattling sabers, posing
In front of potential nuclear anihilation, with other murderous friends.
In the holiest of shrines we
Go to sacrifice a goat, in spite,
We must have our way. We must
Be first, most beloved. We write
The books this way.
Jesus of Nazareth, is never
Coming back. They have
Vegetarian goat barbecue
Where he now resides.
That last business, hanging
Around until the sky grew dark,
It was enough, and we did not
Learn the lesson, we collectively
Failed the unit. The tower of BlabElon, the water sinking,
Because the oil is gone
The weeping, the searching the seas, for signs of life, so Brutalized by mining, the land,
The web of living, ransacked
Poisoned, by our penny pinching
There will be no non producers,
These birds do not serve me.
These songs are not important,
This sky is our toilet,
We are just another biological
Hazard, easily remedied, no one
Will come and say. Later
The biologists, Geologists, Theorists, opening doors in time
Wincing again and again, that we
Survived at all. I am not so sure
I did.
Growing up, waiting for the sirens.
If we just accept the domination,
In exchange for peace,
We did the expedient thing,
But we did not live.
The sun for a time, warmed me,
My geranium is blooming
But while the murder goes on
And on, I practice a mockery
Of living. I place my plate
I eat, but I do not smile,
The easter bunny is not
Dropping by, I will not smoke
Myself into oblivion, find some
Medications, uncork some Sophisticated, expensive, poison,
Take communion, or Iftar, or Whatever other remedies we
Take to obliterate our mirrored Reflections, we can't tolerate.
Our words roil up, bubbly, to Sonorous, we strut, we pose, we Stand on ceremony, we proclaim!
This day, and how we celebrate it,
Is the way, is noble, noble, noble,
Noble, dreams of noble Conversion, conquer, with one hand unknown to the other,
Chocolate Easter bunnies, all Lined up for machine gun Practice. Gotta get it right,
Wing it first, then go for the
Heart. The feast will be
Well guarded, the well will soon
Dry. Like the Syrian soldiers,
The extra galactic rocks, aren't
Familiar with the locals.
I'm with Pontius Pilate, washing
My hands of this. Give 'em all
The Hell they need, with my
Blessing, Joe.
The Easter Bunny isn't stopping
Here, anyway.
posted by Oyéah at 7:28 PM on April 15, 2022 [3 favorites]

Once again, I have spent hours of my time compiling a large stack of forms to tell the IRS that no, I don't owe them money *this* year, either.

I haven't lived in the US for almost fifteen years. It's all so pointless.
posted by Mr. Bad Example at 6:29 AM on April 16, 2022 [2 favorites]

Second Shakshouka update…

Still can’t get the egg whites to cook without the yolks being hard. Still delicious, still going to try again!
posted by Windopaene at 10:06 AM on April 16, 2022 [1 favorite]

Try lowering the heat to low-med. low before covering the skillet, so the eggs cook low and slow.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:35 AM on April 16, 2022 [1 favorite]

You could also poach the eggs separately, and add them before serving.

I'm making pasta with mussels. Mussels were this weeks offer at one of the supermarkets, but from experience I know if they are that cheap, you have to throw out half of them. I could have bought several bags, but had no idea how many mice would be home for dinner. So the idea was: if I'm alone, I'll make a classic moules marinière, or maybe add some cream and saffron, and if there are mice, it will be a pasta dish.
Somehow I forgot I don't have my full senses, maybe I'm at 30%. So how do I know if the alcohol from the wine has evaporated before I can put in the mussels? I have to put my nose so far into the pot that my eyebrows are burnt. I can see that my celery and parsley are great quality, but I can't smell it, even when I chop the leaves into tiny bits.
Well, the mice will be my judges.
posted by mumimor at 11:18 AM on April 16, 2022 [2 favorites]

The mice voted aye. One even mentioned those herbs I couldn't smell as a special feature. It's good to be old and have experience.
posted by mumimor at 12:07 PM on April 16, 2022 [6 favorites]

Or separate the eggs so the whites can cook separately and the yolks can go in last thing and come out when perfect.
posted by clew at 2:24 PM on April 16, 2022

Make sure the shakshuka is boiling briskly when the eggs go in. Put a lid on it, peek in a couple of minutes, or spoon the sauce over the eggwhites to speed them along.
posted by Oyéah at 7:53 PM on April 16, 2022

I did all those things! Guess I need to get the sauce hotter.
posted by Windopaene at 12:09 PM on April 17, 2022

Things aren’t good, per se, “I’m pretty fucking far from okay” but they’re not worse and the weather is beautiful and I’ve had a few beers and a good weekend.

Be well, Metafilter. Enhance your calm.

Good To Be Alive Be Okay
posted by Monochrome at 5:28 PM on April 17, 2022 [3 favorites]

Keep on keeping’ on, Monochrome.
posted by cortex at 6:15 PM on April 17, 2022 [1 favorite]

new thread
posted by hippybear at 7:58 PM on April 18, 2022