The Brontë siblings all died young, leaving moody, moor-y masterpieces.
May 5, 2022 6:43 AM   Subscribe

 
Reaper, you buried her.
posted by chavenet at 7:07 AM on May 5, 2022 [32 favorites]


A dreaded sunny day
So I meet you at the cemetery gates
Charlotte and Anne are on your side
A dreaded sunny day
So I meet you at the cemetery gates
Charlotte and Anne are on your side
Let's turn graveyard juice into wine...
posted by gwint at 7:07 AM on May 5, 2022 [21 favorites]


Humans were really stupid about water for a very long time.
posted by tommasz at 7:15 AM on May 5, 2022 [22 favorites]


When I started doing marketing for water engineers, my boss fretted that I would find it boring. I told her being able to have safe water literally kept our society functioning and was extremely cool, so no worries on that front.

Poor Brontes, and everyone else in that town.
posted by emjaybee at 7:29 AM on May 5, 2022 [24 favorites]


Graveyard Water is my new band name
posted by thivaia at 7:32 AM on May 5, 2022 [18 favorites]


This is about how I feel about our current approach to indoor air quality.
posted by congen at 7:37 AM on May 5, 2022 [67 favorites]


Lord Byron: I'm so goth I shit bats

The Brontes: Hold my gravewater
posted by acb at 7:40 AM on May 5, 2022 [82 favorites]


Humans were really stupid about water for a very long time.

I read somewhere that the Chinese laborers that worked on the Transcontinental Railroad never suffered from cholera because they were fanatical about drinking only tea made from boiled water and cooked (not raw) food. So, some people had it figured out.
posted by Bee'sWing at 7:43 AM on May 5, 2022 [49 favorites]


There's a certain mastery of the form in how effectively reading their works conveys that you-will-die-drinking-gravewater experience, I have to admit.
posted by mhoye at 7:43 AM on May 5, 2022 [21 favorites]


John Snow's pump can still be seen in the centre of London's Soho, right outside a pub now named in his honour.
posted by Paul Slade at 7:53 AM on May 5, 2022 [19 favorites]


Most. Victorian. Thing. EVAR.
posted by briank at 8:08 AM on May 5, 2022 [6 favorites]


Humans were really stupid about water for a very long time

And then we invented fracking
posted by ook at 8:09 AM on May 5, 2022 [30 favorites]


We are separated from the mortality rate of 100+ years ago by access to clean drinking water, sanitation, and vaccination more than anything else.
posted by plonkee at 8:15 AM on May 5, 2022 [41 favorites]


An 1850 investigation by Benjamin Hershel Babbage—which was instigated by Patrick Brontë, the novelists’ father and the parish priest, shortly after the deaths of Emily (1848; she was 30), Branwell (1848; he was 31), and Anne (1849; she was 29)—showed that the small town of Haworth, where the Brontës lived, had much higher mortality rates than other nearby towns of similar size.

I'm going to write my own novel about a woman living in the village watching all of these people die & then finally the vicar becomes interested in figuring out why only after all 3 of his adult children die too. I'd be like my brother in Christ why did you have to wait for ALL of them to die. Just one or 2 wasn't enough??

I studied the Brontes in college & I found them to be a fascinating family, I never knew about any of this but suddenly the whole thing makes sense. I don't think I could have even understood this story viscerally before experiencing this pandemic.
posted by bleep at 8:24 AM on May 5, 2022 [18 favorites]


So now we can't drink the gravewater? We started drinking gravewater because of all the dead dogs in the well.

What's next? No horses in the house? Harrumph!
posted by SonInLawOfSam at 8:27 AM on May 5, 2022 [21 favorites]


Long-term studies of the Walkerton Ontario event---sewage contaminating well water for over 5000 people in 2000, containing E. Coli and Campylobacter strains---have shown that bacterial infections results in lots of chronic health problems. Gastroenteritis is what happens acutely, but that can lead to hypertension, kidney problems, and ultimately heart attacks and strokes. As the authors of one study put it "silent progressive vascular injury".

Nasty stuff.
posted by bonehead at 8:33 AM on May 5, 2022 [20 favorites]


Goth AF. Nobody tell Tim Burton about this.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 8:37 AM on May 5, 2022 [8 favorites]


Same kind of thing was happening at the White House.
posted by jenfullmoon at 8:41 AM on May 5, 2022 [10 favorites]


Almost certainly the contributing factor to the death from cholera of one of Patrick Bronte's favorite curates, William Weightman, in 1842. Patrick B's concern about sanitation, beyond his immediate family, is very on-brand for a Victorian clergyman--they played a major role in public health advocacy.
posted by thomas j wise at 8:43 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]


For some reason I still remember Henry Alford's contribution to Spy Magazine, circa 1989:
What if the Brontë Sisters Had Been a Heavy-Metal Band?

- Emily rejects ritual indoctrination into the domestic arts; vows to create a "towering wall of sound"

- Charlotte regales parsonage with blistering viola solo

- After signing with P.T. Barnum, Brontë sisters go on tour opening for the Swedish Nightingale, Jenny Lind

- Anne throws straw-poke bonnet into seething concert crowd at Albert Hall

- Emily publishes Wuthering Heights, Charlotte publishes Jane Eyre, Anne goes into jealous tailspin and starts to experiment with sherry

- Charlotte returns to public house to trash furniture and have sex with publican; locks manager, Mrs. Rochester, in attic.
posted by JoeZydeco at 8:43 AM on May 5, 2022 [6 favorites]


John Snow's pump can still be seen in the centre of London's Soho, right outside a pub now named in his honour.

Turns out he actually did know something after all.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 8:58 AM on May 5, 2022 [12 favorites]


What if the Brontë Sisters Had Been a Heavy-Metal Band?

Graveyard Water would be a pretty good band name.
posted by nubs at 9:11 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]


because they were fanatical about drinking only tea made from boiled water and cooked (not raw) food.

Pretty persistent in China to recent times, in my experience. When I lived in China we would sometimes prepare a salad when we had people over for dinner (peeled veggies and leafy greens washed in light bleach+boiled water solution) and we non-Chinese were usually the only people to eat it. I got accustomed to drinking hot water with meals, and now find it odd to have a glass of cold- or (worse) ice-water.
posted by msbrauer at 9:24 AM on May 5, 2022 [4 favorites]


Humans were really stupid about water for a very long time.

You say this like there are not hundreds of thousands of Chicagoans currently getting leaded water from their household taps.
posted by srboisvert at 9:34 AM on May 5, 2022 [7 favorites]


John Snow's pump can still be seen in the centre of London's Soho, right outside a pub now named in his honour.

Turns out he actually did know something after all.


He is also quite the dancer.
posted by srboisvert at 9:37 AM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]


A biography of the Brontes was one of the most disturbing books I've ever read, and I used to read a lot of true crime. Put me off graveyard water for months.
posted by mygraycatbongo at 9:47 AM on May 5, 2022 [19 favorites]


I found Charlotte would die in 1855 at the age of 38—of what would have been a treatable condition today kind of an odd thing to pull out specifically, given that tuberculosis is also a treatable condition today. Like many people in the past, they all died of conditions that would be treatable today...
posted by terretu at 9:48 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]


Fascinating and horrifying. If you like stories like this you must read The Royal Art of Poison, by Eleanor Herman. Easy non-fiction read about the ways people basically poisoned themselves and others for centuries with stuff exactly like this, or things like arsenic-based makeup and mercury saunas.

I got accustomed to drinking hot water with meals, and now find it odd to have a glass of cold- or (worse) ice-water.

I encountered this myself and thought it the strangest thing. Lukewarm water and only if you ask for it. And everyone brings their own paper napkins! A lovely and interesting country but they looked at me like I was crazy when I asked for ice water on a 95 degree day in Shanghai.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 9:58 AM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]


Does anyone know how to download images from the 1850 Babbage investigation?

They are supposedly public domain but I can't figure out the BL interface.
posted by vacapinta at 10:02 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]


Real talk: how long until Graveyard Water is 1) a hard seltzer in a Goth can 2) a cocktail at whatever bar in your town is most likely to play Bauhaus 3) the new name for whatever ill-conceived combination of booze and juice in a bucket they're drinking at frat parties these days.
posted by thivaia at 10:11 AM on May 5, 2022 [8 favorites]


Vacapinta, the interface is kind of broken for me too but good find. Here's the listing where you can pick different ways to view it, and this link goes directly to the full pamphlet.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 10:14 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]


I found Charlotte would die in 1855 at the age of 38—of what would have been a treatable condition today kind of an odd thing to pull out specifically, given that tuberculosis is also a treatable condition today. Like many people in the past, they all died of conditions that would be treatable today...

The link within the link actually says that while she had tuberculosis, Charlotte most likely died of hyperemesis gravidarum, which unfortunately we still don't actually have good treatments for, causing many pregnant sufferers to still have to choose between abortion or just permanent damage to their health.
posted by hydropsyche at 10:55 AM on May 5, 2022 [7 favorites]


finally the vicar becomes interested in figuring out why only after all 3 of his adult children die

Other strange thing, why didn’t he die earlier? Vicars don’t really live on sherry and rock cakes, do they?
posted by clew at 10:58 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]


Other strange thing, why didn’t he die earlier? Vicars don’t really live on sherry and rock cakes, do they?

Is it because he wasn't brought up there, so he hadn't been drinking the contaminated water as a child?
posted by plonkee at 11:09 AM on May 5, 2022 [6 favorites]


Also his system didn't experience the constant bombardment of pathogens & austerity that his kids did. Immune systems need to experience some pathogens in order to be strong but they also need to experience some peace in order to be strong.
posted by bleep at 12:27 PM on May 5, 2022


Humans were really stupid about water for a very long time.

Humans were very stupid about sanitation in general for a very long time. Doctors would go from dissecting cadavers to delivering babies, and then they'd wonder why so many women died of sepsis.

hundreds of thousands of Chicagoans currently getting leaded water from their household taps

Some of this is no doubt partly due to people installing inappropriate hardware for a plumbing system that includes lead pipes. None of the houses I lived in in the UK (all built over a century ago) had a mixer tap (where hot and cold water come out of the same tap); they were all separate, and the reason why is lead (if you have lead pipes, you only want cold water for drinking and cooking etc).
posted by Pseudonymous Cognomen at 12:28 PM on May 5, 2022 [5 favorites]



Some of this is no doubt partly due to people installing inappropriate hardware for a plumbing system that includes lead pipes.


My brother in christ, nothing is appropriate about a lead plumbing system
posted by ockmockbock at 12:49 PM on May 5, 2022 [5 favorites]


None of the houses I lived in in the UK (all built over a century ago) had a mixer tap (where hot and cold water come out of the same tap); they were all separate, and the reason why is lead (if you have lead pipes, you only want cold water for drinking and cooking etc).

That is not the explanation I've heard.
posted by The Tensor at 12:57 PM on May 5, 2022 [4 favorites]


Okay, so the corpse bits are basically steeping in the water. It's not really tea or coffee, because it's not hot.

It is Corpse Crystal Light?

oh god
It's LaCroirpse isn't it?
posted by FritoKAL at 1:02 PM on May 5, 2022 [23 favorites]


It's corpse-brewed.
posted by nickmark at 1:23 PM on May 5, 2022 [8 favorites]


how long until Graveyard Water is 1) a hard seltzer in a Goth can

There's already Liquid Death sparkling water who are trying to be a thing. Maybe they'd be interested in launching a booze line.
posted by Candleman at 1:31 PM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]


It's a cadaver infusion.
posted by The Tensor at 1:33 PM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]


I believe it is just called stock, though recently people have started calling it bone broth.
posted by snofoam at 1:53 PM on May 5, 2022 [25 favorites]


That's why I only drink spring water, as opposed to sprung water.
posted by Oyéah at 2:18 PM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]


It’s certainly got plenty of body !
posted by freecellwizard at 2:52 PM on May 5, 2022 [4 favorites]


You can see the legs on the side of the glass. Or rather just on the other side of the glass.
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 2:54 PM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]


And the bouquet is exquisite (corpse)
posted by bleep at 3:37 PM on May 5, 2022 [4 favorites]


If it concentrates a bit as it percolates through multiple corpses, the graveyard being overcrowded, it might result in a consommé.

If the graveyard's old enough, then a demi-glace, perhaps?
posted by Insert Clever Name Here at 4:29 PM on May 5, 2022 [1 favorite]


if the graveyard's old enough, then a demi-glace, perhaps?

Demiglace, demilitch, what's the difference? Those graveyards are all the same.
posted by mollweide at 4:57 PM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]


The grave's a fine and private place
But not, I think, a demi-glace
posted by clew at 5:33 PM on May 5, 2022 [8 favorites]


Real talk: how long until Graveyard Water is 1) a hard seltzer in a Goth can 2) a cocktail at whatever bar in your town is most likely to play Bauhaus 3) the new name for whatever ill-conceived combination of booze and juice in a bucket they're drinking at frat parties these days.


There’s coincidentally another FPP posted today on “Swampwater”, the mixed drink made with chartreuse, lime and cadaver squeezins pineapple juice.
posted by darkstar at 6:44 PM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]


What if the Brontë Sisters Had Been a Heavy-Metal Band?

Well, their dad's last name was actually Brunty, so he started the Heavy Metal practice of re-spelling ordinary words using umlauts in order to look cooler.
posted by Harvey Kilobit at 8:03 PM on May 5, 2022 [13 favorites]


Joe Scott did a good compilation of unexpected things that would kill you in the Victorian Era. For example wallpaper, children's toys, gas or early electric lighting, baby bottles, steep staircases, smog etc were all often lethal. With all that death I guess that a graveyard was a particularly bad place to be next to.
posted by rongorongo at 10:58 PM on May 5, 2022


The article conflates ‘graveyard water’ with ‘untreated sewage water’.

The sewage water is obviously very dangerous and killed lots of people in the C19th, but I’m sure I read somewhere once (probably here) that graveyard water isn’t as much of a health risk as you would think. Different bacteria on dead bodies than the ones which attack living bodies, I guess. I don’t know if that’s true though.
posted by Bloxworth Snout at 12:02 AM on May 6, 2022


I'd be like my brother in Christ why did you have to wait for ALL of them to die. Just one or 2 wasn't enough??

honestly when so many people are just dying all the time, one is expected, two is bad luck. Once you get to three you might start to wonder about patterns.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 11:18 AM on May 6, 2022 [3 favorites]


But still, as a vicar? You're doing all the funerals in town yourself. Like get your head out of your bellybutton is what I say.
posted by bleep at 4:32 PM on May 6, 2022 [1 favorite]


> Okay, so the corpse bits are basically steeping in the water. It's not really tea or coffee, because it's not hot.

I just call it "bathwater."
posted by The corpse in the library at 7:48 PM on May 7, 2022


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