Albo v ScoMo - Australia Votes 2022
May 20, 2022 6:18 PM   Subscribe

It's election time once more in the Antipodes, so let's consider the cream of this season's political comedy. Have you missed the last three years? Catch up with this helpful Honest Government Ad from the 'Australien Government'.

More Juice Media:
- Honest Government Ad - 0 Days Left.
- Honest Government Ad - United Australia Party.

Some crackers from It's Not A Race:
- The Pork Is Right - Australia's favourite tv show, with an honourable mention to the Wide World of Rorts.
- #GiveJennyaRest - an insight on Jenny's Morrison's gruelling election training regime.
- Bland Power - The United Australia Party.
(you might remember these guys from their Times Square billboard campaign)

The Chaser putting in a sterling effort:
- ScoMo tells the truth, and the excellent dance remix Coal Makes Me Cum (not just a banger but a certified chart topper).
- Scott Morrison's Hawaii Trip Deserves a Plaque.

If you need to kill some time while you're waiting in the voting line, try the ScoMo Simulator.

Don't forget find the best polling place for your post-poll snack, with the Democracy Sausage Map.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts (191 comments total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
 
Beat me to the post! Whoever wins, the Prime Minister must get in the sea.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:29 PM on May 20, 2022 [17 favorites]


Whoever wins, the Prime Minister must get in the sea.

#itstime
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:35 PM on May 20, 2022 [5 favorites]




Welcome to Engadine
While I do love a shitpost, I’ll also be sincere for a moment, and say I’ll be voting shortly and for a change of government, hoping for a solid Labor lower house majority and enough Greens in the Senate to make things interesting.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 6:50 PM on May 20, 2022 [6 favorites]


While I do love a shitpost, I’ll also be sincere for a moment, and say I’ll be voting shortly and for a change of government, hoping for a solid Labor lower house majority and enough Greens in the Senate to make things interesting.

If we’re doing sincerity, I’m hoping for something similar. I fully expect Labor to be crushing disappointments, but at least they won’t be climate change denying, openly corrupt, misogynist, racist rapist-defenders.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:55 PM on May 20, 2022 [11 favorites]


This would be funny if wasn't terribly accurate and depressing. About to hit the polls today to get rid of these terrible humans.
posted by greenhornet at 7:32 PM on May 20, 2022 [4 favorites]


Voted early, now I’m going to the pub to watch footy. Fuck this - the last decade has been awful. I want it to be over and something hopeful to happen.
posted by awfurby at 8:43 PM on May 20, 2022 [3 favorites]


Whoever wins, the Prime Minister must get in the sea.
#itstime
Welcome to Engadine


Oh you comics!

Today I voted for Mandy Nolan, an actual comic. A whip smart, six-foot tall mid-50s mother of five campaigning on a platform of social and economic justice. The Greens are expecting a good showing, and a win is in this seat is possible. Then I preferenced the sitting Labor member and so on, putting the ducknuts last. That’s how I physically vote - I write in my 1st and 2nd, then my last and second last, then I sort out the middle.

I was thinking about Nolan’s success in gathering over 1000 volunteers to door knock, erect signs, and hand out at pre-poll and polling day booths. Nolan has deep roots in the community through her comedy, activism and journalism, and her popular performance masterclasses on authentic voice. She’s known and trusted by women especially and her presence, soaring skyward on perfect pins, has a protective mother-hawk quality as though she can wrap you in her wings and tear predators apart with her beak and talons.

Federal Parliament is riddled with misogyny, no surprises there and Nolan could turn some of those dumpfires into ash with quick scorn and a towering stare. God I hope she gets in. Yet I’ll be satisfied with my #2 because any seat that doesn’t fall right, can’t be wrong.
posted by Thella at 9:26 PM on May 20, 2022 [7 favorites]


My fellow Australians... good luck.
posted by Coaticass at 9:46 PM on May 20, 2022 [4 favorites]


Well I did my part to eject Frydenburg, now I just have to hope I’m not alone.
posted by Proofs and Refutations at 9:54 PM on May 20, 2022 [5 favorites]


I'm just tired. I'm tired of yellow fucking billboards with lies on them, I'm tired of a government that literally believes in nothing except being the guys in charge, I'm tired of a vacuum where our national conversation should be. I'm tired of being vilified as an arts worker, an academic, and a queer person, for no other reason than its politically expedient to do so. I'm tired of the gobshites and the cookers. I'm tired of "it's ok to be white" and "it's about fairness in women's sports". I'm tired of endless price rises, isolation, and aimlessness. Change has to happen.
posted by prismatic7 at 10:21 PM on May 20, 2022 [22 favorites]


These ridiculous racists are trying to pull a Tampa, again, by mass texting everyone about a refugee boat that was allegedly intercepted. Kool and normel that a government department is being directly used to barrack for these fucks. So much for not talking about 'on water matters', eh Scotty?

Except it might all be a stunt set up by the Sri Lankan government?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:08 PM on May 20, 2022 [4 favorites]


I'm tired of yellow fucking billboards with lies on them

There was one UAP flyerer at my local polling place. I restrained myself from telling them to go fuck themselves directly, but I couldn't help but loudly mention to my partner as we walked past, how very hard it must be to be standing alone, all day, when everyone who crosses your path despises you.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 11:13 PM on May 20, 2022


The hardest decision on the ballot - does One Nation or UAP go last?
posted by solarion at 11:52 PM on May 20, 2022 [3 favorites]


In what I can only describe as a very clear indication, my local polling booth's UAP cooker and LNP wrinkly were standing together and chatting. Also the LNP arsehole was so very clearly only giving out HTV cards to white people...
posted by prismatic7 at 12:05 AM on May 21, 2022


At a remove of 17,000km I don't know anything about him, but I enjoyed these photos of Alex Dyson, independent candidate for Wannon.

Fingers crossed for a glimmer of hope tonight.
posted by rory at 12:11 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


I fully expect Labor to be crushing disappointments,

One can over manage one's expectations.

–––––––––––

Being a centre-lefty, and down near the bottom of the socio-economic pile, I have PTSD about 2019 and its consequences as much as anybody, and I am certainly not predicting anything about the outcome tonight. 

All I will say is that according to all polling and other indicators Labor are clear favourites, and that I look forward to the corruption trials.

I am particularly encouraged by the yoof apparently enrolling in record numbers this time around. They overwhelmingly hate Scummo and his mob of crooks and thugs. Seems they learned from 2019 when their turnout was among the lowest in half a century, which may just have cost Labor that very close election.

We will know soon enough, and either way I will be several sheets to the wind by mid-evening on rum shots with light beer chasers, and hoeing through a large tub of choc-chip ice-cream.

Somehow a sausage just isn't enough this election.
posted by Pouteria at 12:41 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


I am very very pessimistic. I think the UAP has fractured the voting base, will preference LNP and we will end up with a minority LNP government. Morrison being dumped will be the price for a few independents, but the teals will be quite happy to support an LNP coalition because they are centre-right anyway.
posted by awfurby at 12:46 AM on May 21, 2022


Somehow a sausage just isn't enough this election.

Agree. This is not a snack-sized election. This is a rich and hearty comfort meal election.
posted by Thella at 12:49 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]




This is a rich and hearty comfort meal election.

Wine is a meal, right?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 12:54 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Wine is a meal, right?

I was going to be all pious and talk about rich cabbage curries, but honestly, most of my calories today will come from chocolate and wine.
posted by Thella at 12:56 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Confirmed - wine is a meal, as long as it's a bold shiraz from the Barossa. Or McLaren Vale.
posted by awfurby at 12:59 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Or Central Victoria. Wine from a Labor state tastes better.
posted by Thella at 12:59 AM on May 21, 2022 [5 favorites]


The polls are closed. Our fates are sealed. Only Antony Green can release us from this half life now.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 1:03 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


I find the Victorian reds to be a bit astringent. With the notable exception of Taminick Cellars.

But - whatever works for you is more important.
posted by awfurby at 1:03 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


But - whatever works for you is more important.

Therein, democracy.
posted by Thella at 1:04 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


The rest can wait, but I have two things to say:

1. My son’s school P&C sold 1200 sausages in six hours today.

2. the Australian Electoral Commission’s social media approach to the election has been a hell of a thing. They have have been aggressively correcting disinformation about electoral processes and have displayed a deft sense of humour in throughout.
posted by the duck by the oboe at 1:04 AM on May 21, 2022 [8 favorites]


I used the democracy sausage website to find the closest public school (my kids' school was not a polling place this year) so I could be sure my Sausage$ went to a public school. I also bought two cupcakes from the cake stall and I tried to shame the volunteers into making me pay more than the stupidly low price ($1 per cupcake!!!) but they wouldn't have it.
posted by awfurby at 1:11 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


so where's the best place to watch this thing play out? here in NZ the only Aussie TV is Sky (spit) News
posted by mbo at 1:15 AM on May 21, 2022


I think you can get ABC via iView on Youtube.
posted by Pouteria at 1:16 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]




Here.
posted by Pouteria at 1:18 AM on May 21, 2022


Snap!
posted by Pouteria at 1:19 AM on May 21, 2022


I think the UAP has fractured the voting base, will preference LNP and we will end up with a minority LNP government. Morrison being dumped will be the price for a few independents, but the teals will be quite happy to support an LNP coalition because they are centre-right anyway.
posted by awfurby


That is a significant possibility.
posted by Pouteria at 1:27 AM on May 21, 2022


thank you all
posted by mbo at 1:44 AM on May 21, 2022


It was good and promising to see Barnaby Joyce looking like a very angry and frustrated beetroot on the ABC coverage. Hopefully it's because of what he's heard about the exit polling.
posted by drnick at 1:48 AM on May 21, 2022




PollBludger results page.
posted by Pouteria at 1:54 AM on May 21, 2022


Dave Sharma is losing in Wentworth! Allegra Spender is on 43%
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:24 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


My prediction: the conservatives will lose blue-ribbon seats in wealthy inner electorates but pick up outer-suburban seats on the strength of low-information voters voting above the line for the UAP to protest against the government, and thus giving them their preferences. This will further the transition of the conservatives from blue-ribbon establishment party to a quasi-Trumpian populist-nationalist party.
posted by acb at 2:25 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


This will further the transition of the conservatives from blue-ribbon establishment party to a quasi-Trumpian populist-nationalist party.

Hopefully enough Teals win to encourage a split on the right between moderates and the nutters.
posted by Pouteria at 2:31 AM on May 21, 2022


Eat shit Deves in Warringah!
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:34 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yes! Warringah called for Zali Steggall! Fuck off transphobes.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:35 AM on May 21, 2022 [9 favorites]


Deves' job was never to win Warringah. It was to generate enough culture-war fireworks to fire up low-information voters. If she wins a seat, it will be for some bloke in the outer suburbs.
posted by acb at 2:38 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


ABC showing a huge swing in Dickson for Labor—that’s Dutton’s seat. Eat shit Dutton!
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 2:40 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


Deves' job was never to win Warringah

I know, but I’m taking the win anyway, acb. It’s about achievable goals.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 2:40 AM on May 21, 2022


The potato's cooked.
posted by acb at 2:41 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


"The hardest decision on the ballot - does One Nation or UAP go last?".... solarion, I usually vote for the woman if there is one, after that the name I hate least
posted by Lesium at 2:42 AM on May 21, 2022


I voted in Reid today, no Greens volunteers.
I get way too much adrenaline from elections, I wished I could have talked to the NMA representative in Labor colours for more than the two seconds passing.
posted by Audreynachrome at 2:57 AM on May 21, 2022


The Greens are doing well in Brisbane; likely to win two seats, or possibly three.
posted by acb at 2:59 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


I'm going to go on record here and predict another term in office for ScoMo and his team of useless mendacious fuckheads, most likely propped up by the votes of a gaggle of n00b independents who will find some way to convince themselves that the deals he'll make with them have at least some tiny chance of being honoured. Living in a safe Nationals seat has left me with an unshakeable faith in the ignorance, apathy and complacency of the great Australian public.
posted by flabdablet at 3:29 AM on May 21, 2022


Daddy Green says that Dave Sharma may lose Wentworth - to the independent Allegra Spender.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 3:35 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


ABC currently predicting 51.9% for mr potato head in Dickson, with 46.9% counted.
posted by flabdablet at 3:38 AM on May 21, 2022


Last weekend, I bet a friend €100 that the conservatives would win (a conviction borne of pessimism, largely resting on the Murdoch/Nine media oligopoly and the UAP funnelling the protest vote in marginals). It looks like I will lose this bet, and I'm unsurprisingly content with that.
posted by acb at 3:40 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


My home turf of Western Australia is about to close. I really hope the COVID fury that the state had against Scomo converts to a bloodbath for the coalition. Waking up to a 5% drop in the primary vote so far was a nice surprise.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 3:49 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Oh thank fuck. If the only thing that happened tonight was that fucking Dutton lost his seat, it would be a very good night indeed.
posted by h00py at 3:54 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


I also voted in Reid - no Greens person, but there was someone handing out dedicate 'how to vote pro-climate' cards, which was interesting. (I get a negative read on the local Greens guy, whereas I really liked the Fusion candidate; progressive scientist lady who was involved in the NSW Covid response)
posted by Merus at 3:56 AM on May 21, 2022




Yeah no way it’s going to be minority coalition government from here. The new crossbench all fucking hate their guts
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:03 AM on May 21, 2022


Yes and no; the teals are what one would have called “small-L liberals”, so there's some tension there. If the Tories double down on culture-war red-meat to win over the outer suburbs and/or build a pentecostal base, then the teals will have no choice but to go with Labor, holding their noses if necessary. The Tories could win teal support, but they would have to make a lot of concessions on climate and roll back the culture-war messaging, which currently might not be politically feasible.

All things being equal, I'd expect some if not most of the teals to favour a Liberal government, though all things of course are not equal.
posted by acb at 4:07 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Zimmerman in North Sydney has conceded! The seat has always been held by the Libs.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:11 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


I feel like just typing this out loud will jinx it but by the very fuck I'm feeling optimistic for the first time in years. Just gotta hold the next lot to account.
posted by h00py at 4:13 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Yeah, the teals have a great reason to go with a Coalition government, but if Labor has more seats, they'll probably want to respect the electorate. Labor can more easily offer the independent corruption commission and would probably be more willing to offer genuine climate action.
posted by Merus at 4:14 AM on May 21, 2022


I'm fucking overjoyed that the Greens will get a greater say and hope that Labor realise that they're both supposed to be on the same side.
posted by h00py at 4:15 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


The top 2 issues for most of the teals are climate change and anti corruption. They are small L liberals with a greens bent (teal, after all). But it would go against their main principles to form government with the tories, right? The alp isn't awesome on either of those issues but I feel like they're more nudgeable, whereas the coalition is going to do anything on climate change approximately never. Here in Victoria the teal voters seem really disillusioned with the coalition. I can't imagine what they'd think of a minority coalition govt backed by Monique Ryan (for example).

Or maybe I'm just trying to talk myself into not stressing out as we head into what's looking very likely to be a hung parliament...
posted by mosessis at 4:15 AM on May 21, 2022


Labor-Liberal Government of National Unity to save Australia's coal industry?
posted by acb at 4:16 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


WA is a fucking bloodbath. 10% drop in LNP primary vote in early count.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:17 AM on May 21, 2022


Take it back, acb, I beg you, before someone takes it seriously and works towards it.
posted by h00py at 4:17 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Labor-Liberal Government of National Unity to save Australia's coal industry?

I cannot imagine Albanese would do a deal with the Liberals over some of the teals or Greens.
posted by Merus at 4:18 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Albo has ruled out any deals with the Greens. He'd need to do a lot of contorting to wriggle out of that.
posted by acb at 4:20 AM on May 21, 2022


OTOH, we could always have an Israeli-style second election in a few months.
posted by acb at 4:21 AM on May 21, 2022


Antony Green says that the LNP likely cannot form government at all.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 4:21 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


not stressing out as we head into what's looking very likely to be a hung parliament

Don't you worry about that (Juice Media)
posted by flabdablet at 4:23 AM on May 21, 2022


Thank fuck for that.
posted by h00py at 4:23 AM on May 21, 2022


Albo has ruled out any deals with the Greens. He'd need to do a lot of contorting to wriggle out of that.

That's just standard anti-Murdoch crossing-himself-and-garlic, though. Nobody with a clue would actually believe he meant it. And Morrison did the same thing.
posted by flabdablet at 4:25 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Watching educated women send these misogynistic fucks to the unemployment line is glorious.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:27 AM on May 21, 2022 [13 favorites]


Albo has ruled out any deals with the Greens. He'd need to do a lot of contorting to wriggle out of that.

I don't think anyone believes that, if he needs to make a deal with the Greens to govern, he won't at least talk to them. He's in a much better negotiating position given the teal crossbench.
posted by Merus at 4:27 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


The context to no deals with the greens is the agreements existing in Tas and ACT (which worked a bit but didn’t work a bit as well). A crossbench arrangement to support isn’t a deal; Julia Gillard had the same challenge and solution
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:29 AM on May 21, 2022


I.e. he’s not going to deal the Greens into Cabinet but a crossbench agreement for support of supply is what has to happen
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:30 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


And hopefully we'll get some decent concessions from labor to get agreement from someone to guarantee supply.
posted by mosessis at 4:32 AM on May 21, 2022


Labor doing very well in WA. They might still get majority government. (Unfortunately... I would have preferred Greens and Teals holding their feet to the fire over climate change and form of ICAC)
posted by joz at 4:36 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Watching the SE Queensland flood plains drop 10% from the Liberals primary vote going straight to Greens is fucking glorious.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:37 AM on May 21, 2022 [11 favorites]


also it doesn't make sense for the crossbench to make deals for anything more than supply; everyone remembers the UK's Tory-LibDem coalition, which resulted in the LibDems going into the wilderness for a decade. The first time Labor tries to do something that the Greens have to betray their base for, they'll be dead too.

The Greens might win four seats. Absolutely wild. (Of course, if they couldn't win seats in this environment, they'd be unviable, but I for one am thrilled that they're finally making to break through.)
posted by Merus at 4:38 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


The Greens might win four seats.

The Greens won a seat from the fucking coalition. Holy shit.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 4:40 AM on May 21, 2022 [7 favorites]


Go Brisbane!
posted by mosessis at 4:43 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


The election result I've been longing for since 2007!
posted by h00py at 4:44 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Pearce! Eat shit Christian Porter
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:45 AM on May 21, 2022 [15 favorites]


Here in NZ we've had functioning coalitions since we switched to MMP a couple of decades ago - the last election was the first where one party one a majority of the seats since we switched .... and they still formed a coalition (people are thinking elections ahead).

Having said that the smaller parties that do join coalitions do seem to be diminished by being the minor partner in a governing coalition (the Greens seem to be doing OK though this time around)
posted by mbo at 4:45 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


If the Tories double down acb, As an Aussie, FYI we don't use the word tories here
posted by Lesium at 4:46 AM on May 21, 2022


Antony Green: ‘If Labor has 74 and refuses to form government, and that’s their right…’

Tanya Plibersek: ‘yeah we won’t be doing that’
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 4:50 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


As an Aussie, FYI we don't use the word tories here

I've found it's still used, maybe not commonly, but not unusual either.
posted by joz at 4:51 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


“I can't see the coalition gettimng above 60” — Antony Green
posted by acb at 4:52 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Tanya Plibersek is being asked about what the ALP has done wrong? Leigh Sales, good lawd.
posted by h00py at 4:55 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


And Frydenberg is out.
posted by acb at 4:55 AM on May 21, 2022 [8 favorites]


As an Aussie, FYI we don't use the word tories here

To be fair, the Liberal party are just as much robbers in Australia as anywhere else.

I've been cackling all morning and I think my American wife is getting sick of it. My old seat was Moore. I've been voting against Goodenough since I was old enough to vote and seeing him possibly lose his seat has made me so happy. My folks are in Pearce and I would have been even happier to see them throw Porter out on his rapist ass but I'll take a massive swing to Labor as a consolation prize.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 5:00 AM on May 21, 2022 [5 favorites]


As an Aussie, FYI we don't use the word tories here
Um..speaking as a Victorian, yeah we do. It's not official, but we do.
posted by prismatic7 at 5:05 AM on May 21, 2022 [5 favorites]


Cannot stand the sound of Morrison's voice but am looking forward to watching him concede.
posted by mydonkeybenjamin at 5:06 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Um..speaking as a Victorian, yeah we do. It's not official, but we do. Well in my many years living in Geelong I didn't (But Geelong is a world to itself)
posted by Lesium at 5:09 AM on May 21, 2022


Who knew that trying to force WA to infect itself with COVID before a proper vaccine strategy would be fatal to the subsequent election campaign. I'm over the moon to watch WA thoroughly fucking rout the coalition. Get fucked Scomo.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 5:10 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Holy shit I got this wrong!
posted by awfurby at 5:11 AM on May 21, 2022


Josh Frydenberg's economic shit slip was a joy to witness, unlike everything else he had to say.
posted by h00py at 5:11 AM on May 21, 2022


it sounds like Labor didn't even compete in WA for the longest time? And then they turn up and boy now WA is electorally relevant. Hmmmmm maybe you should compete in every seat because you just never know
posted by Merus at 5:12 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


My only regret is that a majority Labor government without the Greens/teals holding their feet to the fire will be almost as bad on fossil fuels as the conservatives. Oh well, at least we may get an ICAC and possibly the first steps towards high-speed rail or something.
posted by acb at 5:12 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Frydenberg is putting a brave face on losing Kooyong. Never thought I'd see it, but then I remind myself that Kooyong used to be Petro Georgiou's electorate and Georgiou was one of the Libs who crossed the floor to oppose mandatory detention.
posted by flabdablet at 5:13 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Underemployed people are beloved by the LNP. Thank you for providing me with an anecdote, what a wanker (sorry, live-tweeting).
posted by h00py at 5:13 AM on May 21, 2022


Frydenburg’s losing speech is something
posted by awfurby at 5:13 AM on May 21, 2022


Frydenberg taking credit for an economic recovery when McGowan kept the fucking virus out of the economic engine powering Australia. If they had their way the country would be a United States level of death and disruption sacrificing people and using their blood to grease the wheels of capitalism.

Fucking ghoul. Go fuck yourself.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 5:14 AM on May 21, 2022 [7 favorites]


Ohhh thank fuck. I was preparing for the worst. After watching Tony Abbot and Scott Morrison win, as well as all the other terrible victories of awful candidates in elections around the world in the last few years, it's such a relief to have just a sensible result.

I saw the Teal independents described as "the ghost of the moderate Liberals". I wonder if their victories tonight are the start of a real split in the Liberal party, between the small-l liberals, and the Christian trumpist right wing. Surely the irony of the name can't hold much longer.
posted by other barry at 5:19 AM on May 21, 2022 [9 favorites]


Frydenburg’s losing speech Link?
posted by Lesium at 5:20 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Frydenberg taking credit for an economic recovery when McGowan kept the fucking virus out of the economic engine powering Australia.

I think what's coming out of this is that the electorate don't rate the federal government as the reason why Australia made it out of COVID in anything close to a decent state. It was the state premiers.
posted by Merus at 5:21 AM on May 21, 2022 [8 favorites]


I think what's coming out of this is that the electorate don't rate the federal government as the reason why Australia made it out of COVID in anything close to a decent state. It was the state premiers.

It was clearly the premiers. The states stepped up - who even knew the permiers' names (outside of your own state) before the pandemic? Now everyone knows Dan, Anna, Gladys, Mark McGowan etc.
posted by other barry at 5:22 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


I think what's coming out of this is that the electorate don't rate the federal government as the reason why Australia made it out of COVID in anything close to a decent state. It was the state premiers. Completely agree! Not just the electorate....state wide!
posted by Lesium at 5:23 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


The coalition is going to have Dutton as the leader and trying to appear more moderate. JFC it's going to require 1984 levels of mental gymnastics to get over that cognitive dissonance.

If there's any justice in the world the coalition would have to spend a decade in the wilderness while they work this Pentecostal nut job cancer out of their political apparatus but with the help of the Murdoch press they'll probably by whitewashed over the next four years.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 5:23 AM on May 21, 2022 [7 favorites]


Murdoch has three years to get the pig-launching cannons up to speed.
posted by acb at 5:25 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Tanya Plibersek is being asked about what the ALP has done wrong? Leigh Sales, good lawd.

She's now asking Simon Birmingham that the election demonstrates that the Coalition is incompetent and why the electorate come to that conclusion
posted by Merus at 5:26 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]




It was the state premiers

except for the ones in the State Scott Morrison lives in, who remained absolutely in lockstep with Fuckwit Central all the way. NSW is the reason that COVID is now endemic on this continent.
posted by flabdablet at 5:28 AM on May 21, 2022 [9 favorites]


The coalition is going to have Dutton as the leader and trying to appear more moderate. JFC it's going to require 1984 levels of mental gymnastics to get over that cognitive dissonance.

I can't imagine that'll happen; they're going to double down on the reactionary wing of the party, especially given the Nationals weren't even scratched - but in Australia, what that might mean is that the reactionary wing becomes increasingly unable to form government.
posted by Merus at 5:29 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]




except for the one in the State Scott Morrison lives in, who remained absolutely in lockstep with Fuckwit Central.

I'm talking about Berejiklian rather than Perrottet, who is pretty on the nose and will have to work extremely hard to save himself*. Perrottet saw the writing on the wall and has been talking up Labor's housing policy.

*notably, the NSW Liberals aren't quite as reactionary as the Victorian or Queensland Liberals; they're investing heavily into renewable energy and public transport, although of course Perrottet deciding he was bored of COVID is, shall we say, not a good look
posted by Merus at 5:40 AM on May 21, 2022


what that might mean is that the reactionary wing becomes increasingly unable to form government

Brion Pegmatite on Popularity

I'm talking about Berejiklian

"You can't make me say Lockdown" Gladys? So was I.
posted by flabdablet at 5:43 AM on May 21, 2022


Holy shit the Greens won a seat in fucking Queensland.

Thank you, you magnificent inner city Brisbane latte sippers.
posted by flabdablet at 5:47 AM on May 21, 2022 [10 favorites]


"You can't make me say Lockdown" Gladys? So was I.

I vaguely recall we've fought about this before; let me say that NSW sees this pretty differently to Victoria, although I think it's clear both states agree that ScoMo had to be dragged kicking and screaming, and there was definitely some favouritism towards NSW from the federal government that did not save them in the end, given the bloodbath in Sydney.
posted by Merus at 5:47 AM on May 21, 2022


Holy shit the Greens won a seat in fucking Queensland.

It gets better: there's another seat in Northern NSW that the Greens are currently winning on the primary vote, and whether or not they win the seat is going to come down to whether the Labor or Liberal candidate is eliminated first.
posted by Merus at 5:49 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Eat shit Morrison!
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:50 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


Eat shit Morrison!

My sentiments exactly!
posted by mydonkeybenjamin at 5:52 AM on May 21, 2022


Perrottet saw the writing on the wall and has been talking up Labor's housing policy

which is almost though perhaps not quite as counterproductive as the Coalition's.
posted by flabdablet at 5:52 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Morrison's got a promising career as a televangelist ahead of him.
posted by acb at 5:54 AM on May 21, 2022


How good is Australia defeat?
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 5:55 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


which is almost though perhaps not quite as counterproductive as the Coalition's.

yeah, the only good thing about it is the vague promise that they'll funnel some money towards public housing, which is the only part of it that won't just make the problem worse.

But still: Labor will for sure have noticed that the Greens have well and truly broken through in the lower house, and the teals will provide pressure, so I hope for some actual good policies instead of the chickenshit stuff we got during the election because they didn't want to lose again.
posted by Merus at 5:56 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Bugger off, Scott.
posted by h00py at 5:58 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


And at last ... Jen can take a rest. :)
posted by mydonkeybenjamin at 5:58 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


how good is holding a hose
posted by Merus at 6:00 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Eat shit Morrison!

Yeah. Fuck right off, you worthless marketing smirk in a suit. Don't let the door hit you in the arse on...

oh look, it totally did!
posted by flabdablet at 6:01 AM on May 21, 2022 [5 favorites]


Congratulations, Australia!
posted by Sockin'inthefreeworld at 6:04 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Congratulations, Aussie Mefites! Well done on getting rid of that cunt.
posted by fight or flight at 6:08 AM on May 21, 2022 [6 favorites]


Can we please suspend any discussion of the merits of various Labor & Greens policies and disputes for just one day?

I am old and sick and really really really worn the fuck out from the last 9 years of this era of government, and the last 3 in particular. It has been very rough for some of us, and more than a few didn't make it.

Australia is the winner tonight. The scum are gone. Let's just enjoy that.

Just one day.

Thank you.

–––––––––

Congratulations, Aussie Mefites! Well done on getting rid of that cunt.
posted by fight or flight


You have used that word in its completely correct context. :)
posted by Pouteria at 6:10 AM on May 21, 2022 [15 favorites]


Some more good news:
Linda Burney is set to be the next Minister for Indigenous Affairs.

First Aborignal woman to be elected to the House of Representatives.

She’ll be the first Aborignal woman to hold the portfolio.
posted by fight or flight at 6:17 AM on May 21, 2022 [13 favorites]


Just home from working the polls, which was an adventure in COVID- the officer in charge at a polling booth came down with the spicy cough this morning, the 2IC was brand new to any kind of in charge role and it was an absolute disaster. I was parachuted in from another polling booth to take over as OIC (leaving them without a 2IC. Hope they coped!)
And our votes balanced, everyone got to leave before 11PM. We successfully helped democracy happen. We wore masks and used an awful lot of hand sanitizer.

Has been a delight to read this thread and see the news. So, so much better than 2019.

I'm going to be absolutely gleeful at church tomorrow and not be sorry about it. (2019 was hard! "Isn't it wonderful!")
posted by freethefeet at 6:21 AM on May 21, 2022 [25 favorites]


@HowVeryEri@birdsite: So looks like Kath Deves' pronouns are was/were
posted by acb at 6:21 AM on May 21, 2022 [16 favorites]


We successfully helped democracy happen.

Thank you for your service.
posted by flabdablet at 6:26 AM on May 21, 2022 [6 favorites]


The scum are gone.

I spoke too soon. The bastard is not resigning from parliament, just the leadership.
posted by Pouteria at 6:29 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


That's actually a good thing. He's an ambitious little fuck and absolutely certain to be an internal white ant and de-stabiliser. I am going to enjoy watching the face eating leopards eat each other's faces for the next few years instead of all of ours.
posted by flabdablet at 6:34 AM on May 21, 2022 [11 favorites]


He won his seat, but I imagine he'll likely retire before the next election.

God, this is such a good result. Not only is it a rejection of a bad government that tried to say that government can't solve problems after government solving problems got us through COVID, but it's been a great result for gender equality and diversity, it's pushed the transphobia movement in Australia firmly back in the box, we've got a strong mandate for climate action, for cleaning up politics... obviously the work isn't done, but we know: Australians want better, and after 2019, it was easy to believe that maybe they didn't.

I look forward to seeing how this government goes.
posted by Merus at 6:35 AM on May 21, 2022 [8 favorites]


what I really want to see: the tears of Sky News hosts
posted by Merus at 6:37 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


That's actually a good thing. He's an ambitious little fuck and absolutely certain to be an internal white ant and de-stabiliser. I am going to enjoy watching the face eating leopards eat each other's faces for the next few years instead of all of ours.
posted by flabdablet


Yeah, that's true.

I would just rather not hear or see him ever again.
posted by Pouteria at 6:39 AM on May 21, 2022 [5 favorites]


Albo about to speak to supporters. Feeling quite emotional, more than I expected.
posted by mydonkeybenjamin at 6:41 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Good on ya, Albo.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:49 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Labor aren't perfect but Albo's speech is basically what I want the Democratic Party to be in the United States.
posted by Your Childhood Pet Rock at 6:56 AM on May 21, 2022 [5 favorites]


Oh my gods, this is all my christmases come at once. Albo is committing to the Uluṟu Statement From The Heart, and ICAC, and renewable energy.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 6:57 AM on May 21, 2022 [13 favorites]


No ‘mo ScoMo; So it goes.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:01 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Good speech from Albo. Very generous and direct.

*****

Bonus for the night: The truly horrid Senator Amanda Stoker (QLD) is also gone, which I am very pleased about.
posted by Pouteria at 7:01 AM on May 21, 2022 [7 favorites]


Fingers crossed for a parliament to back and get through and EMBED that amazing list of goals. Good onya Albo indeed.
posted by freethefeet at 7:10 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Not a single seat for UAP, and the LNP still lost. I hope Clive has 100 consecutive aneurysms and dies on a toilet.
posted by His thoughts were red thoughts at 7:46 AM on May 21, 2022 [9 favorites]


Oh and a nice moment from the count- an informal vote with an absolute screed against politicians and politics, but "good job counters!"
posted by freethefeet at 7:49 AM on May 21, 2022 [3 favorites]


Albanese's speech (YouTube, 21m55s)
posted by flabdablet at 8:02 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


ScoMoGoes (YouTube, 13m5s)
posted by flabdablet at 8:04 AM on May 21, 2022


I am still tired. The last 3 years have been a nightmare, and in all honesty the years since I was sitting at a wedding in the Footscray bowlo singing "na na na na, na na na na, hey hey, goodbye" to that rancid fucking human eyebrow J*hn H*ward in 2007, well, that's been pretty shitful too. Tonight it feels like we actually did something as a nation. We said that we are not going to be taken for granted. We said that the phrase "brutal retail politics" is not a core Australian value. It's distressing that between them, UAP and PHON seem to have captured about 10% of the vote, but it's not clear that it will actually do anything for them, and it's mostly been a cannibalization of the cooker wing of the Tories anyway. What is much more clear is that *we the fucking people*, and particularly those of us who have been burnt out by bushfires, wiped out by storms, ravaged by drought, and flooded on a scale not seen in this land *for millennia* have said that this has to fucking stop.

I'm tired. I'm rambling. But we changed the nation.
posted by prismatic7 at 9:06 AM on May 21, 2022 [9 favorites]


Frankly I didn't think we had it in us.

So, so glad to have been proved wrong.
posted by flabdablet at 9:18 AM on May 21, 2022 [5 favorites]


ABC prediction for the ambulant potato in Dickson now down from 51.9% to 51.4%.

So hoping for a Tr*mp effect from postal votes.
posted by flabdablet at 9:22 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]




I'm looking forward with grim curiosity to seeing how the Murdoch/Nine press attempt to humanise Dutton ahead of the 2025 election.
posted by acb at 9:42 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


Should be no problem. They already managed it for Morrison. We only perceive Dutton as this brutal headkicker because that's the role traditionally demanded of people in charge of immigration in this country.

Dutton is an ex Queensland police officer and construction boss so he might struggle at first, being less weasel flexible and even thicker than Morrison, but I'm sure his handlers will get him to Daggy Suburban Dad pretty swiftly all the same. Unless, of course, ScoMo rises to the top again like a high fibre floater and makes the whole exercise moot.
posted by flabdablet at 10:01 AM on May 21, 2022 [4 favorites]


There is a Welcome To Woop Woop/The Cars That Ate Paris authoritarian patriarch quality about him that will be hard to patch over, and if not neutralised, will be off-putting to exactly the sorts of people the conservatives need to win back if they're going to have a chance at governing. Even his family looked so perfectly compliant as if they had never not known their place and were not even capable of questioning his authority.
posted by acb at 10:12 AM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


He does have a great image consultant.
posted by flabdablet at 10:19 AM on May 21, 2022 [1 favorite]


Odious toad is gone. Excellent.
posted by Neale at 1:49 PM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


You'll have to be more specific.
posted by acb at 3:55 PM on May 21, 2022 [9 favorites]


I was planning to have a pajama day but had a strange urge to get up and dance around the living room.
posted by Coaticass at 5:01 PM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


My partner and I both have covid and we really wish we were well enough to enjoy this victory properly. But we’re just happy for victory.
posted by andraste at 7:51 PM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


The relief. The sheer unbridled RELIEF.
posted by t0astie at 8:49 PM on May 21, 2022 [9 favorites]


What a weird feeling to wake up cautiously optimistic. I hadn't realised how terrified I was that the next 4 years were going to be the drawn out culture war that Scummo was obviously drooling for.

I'm also delighted that UAP did no better than the Legalise Cannabis Party. Fuck you Clive.

My limited interactions with Albanese have not been uniformly positive. However he was extremely effective as leader of the House in the last minority Labor government, so maybe, just maybe we will get some progress.
posted by arha at 9:14 PM on May 21, 2022 [2 favorites]


very excited about the prospect of infamous far-right lunatic Pauline Hanson losing her grip on Australian politics once again, to the Legalise Cannabis Party
posted by Merus at 10:48 PM on May 21, 2022 [7 favorites]


The fact that the monstrous Hanson had to spend election day in isolation for having caught the plague makes her loss all the sweeter. With any luck she hasn't been bullshitting about being unvaxxed and has a truly horrible time of it. Best case, she gets a Herman Cain Award.

Pauline Hanson is unnecessary.
posted by flabdablet at 7:42 AM on May 22, 2022 [4 favorites]


You'll have to be more specific.

Craig Kelly is an odious toad and he's gone, for one.
posted by flabdablet at 7:50 AM on May 22, 2022 [1 favorite]


Fantastic.
Great move.
Well done Everyone.
posted by pompomtom at 6:08 PM on May 22, 2022 [5 favorites]


from the petro-USA, thank you all in Australia.
posted by eustatic at 1:50 PM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]


An unexpected victory for former dolphin trainer, police-community engagement specialist and multilinguist, Sam Lim.
posted by Coaticass at 5:11 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]


This is such a great outcome and way more than I was expecting. I genuinely thought ScoMo was going to pull this off and get back in, aided and abetted by Albo's foot-in-mouth tendencies. I also feared that Palmer would sway people with the absolute bullshit that's been spewing out of every TV screen for weeks now and end up with the balance of power (lots of people around the place talking about the 'good ideas' that Palmer was spouting, with no clue that not one of those so-called ideas was even remotely feasible). But no, in my electorate, there were more informal votes than votes for the UAP candidate. Maybe people aren't so stupid after all.

But Australia saw through Palmer and his brigade of xenophobes, forgave Albo for being a bit awkward and forgetful and gave ScoMo a huge push in the back. It's great to be actually looking forward to a new government getting its feet under the desk for a change.

Like many others, the hardest part of voting this time around was whether to put UAP or One Nation last on the ballot. No democracy sausages where I voted either - perhaps because it was pissing down with rain and had been all day.

'You've all done very well' [/mr grace]
posted by dg at 9:40 PM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]


Sussan Ley to be deputy-leader of the LNP? Sounds like they've really taken the whole Teal thing on-board...
posted by pompomtom at 4:51 PM on May 24, 2022


And it looks like Dutton is the new opposition leader unopposed. Which means that the conservative leadership has gone from someone nicknamed ScoMo to someone nicknamed Adolf Kipfler.

The best part is that when Dutton's PR people plan their strategy for winning the electorate back, they will almost certainly conclude that Morrison lost not due to climate denialism, institutional misogyny or a Murdochian hard-right culture war, but because he wasn't authentic enough: the Hawaiian shirts and ukulele, the daggy-dad shtick, the rugby team he strategically asserted he followed, the faux-folksy language* and so on. As such, they will undoubtedly advise Dutton to be himself, and not attempt to soften his image. Or, in other words, they will refrain from putting any lipstick on the pig before attempting to apply sufficient thrust to get it to fly.

The Murdoch and Fairfax/Nine press will have their work cut out for them humanising him. The campaign will be relying on At Home With The Duttons puff pieces in weekend papers and lists of Peter Dutton's Top 5 Oz-Rock Anthems or whatever, but with an electorate that rejected Morrison, they will have an uphill battle. I could be wrong here, but I think we may have a 2+-term Labor government in Canberra for the first time since Hawke/Keating.

* AFAIK, nobody in Australia has ever referred to fishermen as “fishos” before he did on the campaign trail
posted by acb at 7:13 AM on May 25, 2022 [4 favorites]


Adolf Kipfler

I need all of you to help make this Fetch happen.
posted by flabdablet at 7:18 AM on May 25, 2022 [1 favorite]


they will refrain from putting any lipstick on the pig before attempting to apply sufficient thrust to get it to fly

I want you to have my babies.
posted by flabdablet at 7:19 AM on May 25, 2022


Adolf Kipfler! Oh, that's a good one. On the other hand... *vomits*

Dutton's always reminded me more of Il Duce really.

The Howard legacy: Leading Australian novelist Richard Flanagan's political reflections in The Age.
posted by Coaticass at 1:55 PM on May 25, 2022


UAP vs One Nation? For me, it was an easy choice: I put UAP last. Yes, One Nation are horrid racist fuckers, but they don't persistently undermine faith in the entire democratic system. Unlike UAP, with their "never trust Liberal/Labor/Greens again" and "Craig Kelly will be the next PM" and "the WHO is going to take over Australia" and "vote fraud" bullshit.

Plus that UAP shade of yellow is horrific, and I'm sick of them clogging up the newspapers with all their ads.
posted by nnethercote at 11:45 PM on May 25, 2022 [1 favorite]




That Flanagan piece just nails it.
[Howard's] success lay in speaking to what was smallest and worst in Australia’s breast: fear, greed, apathy and racism. It was a template for all that followed.

Howardism was to be taken up with a new aggression and misogyny by his self-declared love child, Tony Abbott; continued, despite his postpartum revisions, by Malcolm Turnbull; until there came its final decadent phase: the Morrison government, a rabble characterised by sleaze, scandal and self-interest.

By then, Howardism resembled a degenerative disease. What once had been merely cynical gestures to win votes or wedge opponents had transformed into a terminal cancer of mystical doctrine. They had come to believe their own baseless babble, and they did not get that harassment in the workplace was not part of the culture wars but lived experience. So too human-induced fires, floods and cyclones. They never realised that their ideology did not stand the test of reality: whether it be rain or flame or allegedly being raped metres away from the prime minister’s office.
posted by flabdablet at 7:50 AM on May 26, 2022


Howard did one good thing in his entire political life - the gun buy-back. Seeing him raised to the status of national elder statesman on the back of that, in the face of everything else he did to this country, has long stuck in my craw. Americans who watched in disbelief as Kissinger got his Nobel Peace Prize will be well familiar with the feeling.
posted by flabdablet at 7:57 AM on May 26, 2022 [2 favorites]








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