When I'm dancing, I am free
May 23, 2022 2:26 AM Subscribe
This week's free thread is dancing, dancing, dancing šš½ ... and narrated by Florence (+ the Machine) with Bill Nighy, co-starring as Florence's anxiety.
("Filmed in Kyiv on 18 November 2021 with Ukrainian filmakers and artists, whose radiant freedom can never be extinguished")
Lyrics, and scroll down for some extra info on the song.
Enjoy, and dance (and comment) freely!
("Filmed in Kyiv on 18 November 2021 with Ukrainian filmakers and artists, whose radiant freedom can never be extinguished")
Lyrics, and scroll down for some extra info on the song.
Enjoy, and dance (and comment) freely!
"I'm on fire but I'm trying not to show it"
This is fine.
posted by chavenet at 4:10 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
This is fine.
posted by chavenet at 4:10 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
I heard the very end of an interview of Florence Plus The Machine on NPR yesterday. I think maybe New Yorker Radio Hour? It's not up on their podcast site yet, though.
posted by Bee'sWing at 5:59 AM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Bee'sWing at 5:59 AM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
Exercising the "in other news" privilege....
I've talked before about being bullied during school years. In grade school it was the psychological and mental kind, near-constant teasing from a group whose ringleader was a girl who lived on my street. Then came the year and change in jr. high where I was regularly harassed by the girls from the "gang" there, and then in high school I had a couple of "frenemies"; all of which lead me to the point where I have little to no contact with anyone I grew up with (save for my BFF who saw it all, tried to have my back where she could, and is still in the state, a few towns over).
...She also has stayed in closer orbit with The Gang - and she reached out to me two weeks ago to say that one of my "frenemies" wanted to email me. "Wait, why?"
"She's...going through some stuff and decided she wants to atone for all her shit."
I got a throwaway gmail and said she could reach out there. The "frenemy" sent an email apologizing for what she'd done in school and asked if there was anything she could to do "make amends". I replied saying that actually...if it HAD just been school, I would have let it go as dumb teenage shit. But she'd also been a shit to me at my BFF's wedding when we were both bridesmaids. However, I added, I already had forgiven her, in the sense that I wasn't dwelling on this; so, I thank you for your apology, and let's both just be on our way. When she wrote back again apologizing for that and asking how to "make amends" I said that honestly, leaving me alone would be best. (I know her well enough to know that "making amends" was going to be more about me trying to manage her guilt, and I want no part of that.)
...And then two days ago...the ringleader from the grade school teasing sent me a friend request on Facebook. And this time I knew it wasn't just a weird "frenemy" thing - this woman is one of only two people I've ever heard my father refer to as "an asshole".
However - I'd recently seen a bit from Sarah Milican's standup routine where her own bully reached out to her now that she'd become famous. Sarah shared her response to the gushing "wow remember me" email her bully had sent her; I used it VERBATIM in response to my bully's friend request.
A few hours later she blocked me. I cannot stop laughing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:54 AM on May 23, 2022 [21 favorites]
I've talked before about being bullied during school years. In grade school it was the psychological and mental kind, near-constant teasing from a group whose ringleader was a girl who lived on my street. Then came the year and change in jr. high where I was regularly harassed by the girls from the "gang" there, and then in high school I had a couple of "frenemies"; all of which lead me to the point where I have little to no contact with anyone I grew up with (save for my BFF who saw it all, tried to have my back where she could, and is still in the state, a few towns over).
...She also has stayed in closer orbit with The Gang - and she reached out to me two weeks ago to say that one of my "frenemies" wanted to email me. "Wait, why?"
"She's...going through some stuff and decided she wants to atone for all her shit."
I got a throwaway gmail and said she could reach out there. The "frenemy" sent an email apologizing for what she'd done in school and asked if there was anything she could to do "make amends". I replied saying that actually...if it HAD just been school, I would have let it go as dumb teenage shit. But she'd also been a shit to me at my BFF's wedding when we were both bridesmaids. However, I added, I already had forgiven her, in the sense that I wasn't dwelling on this; so, I thank you for your apology, and let's both just be on our way. When she wrote back again apologizing for that and asking how to "make amends" I said that honestly, leaving me alone would be best. (I know her well enough to know that "making amends" was going to be more about me trying to manage her guilt, and I want no part of that.)
...And then two days ago...the ringleader from the grade school teasing sent me a friend request on Facebook. And this time I knew it wasn't just a weird "frenemy" thing - this woman is one of only two people I've ever heard my father refer to as "an asshole".
However - I'd recently seen a bit from Sarah Milican's standup routine where her own bully reached out to her now that she'd become famous. Sarah shared her response to the gushing "wow remember me" email her bully had sent her; I used it VERBATIM in response to my bully's friend request.
A few hours later she blocked me. I cannot stop laughing.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:54 AM on May 23, 2022 [21 favorites]
EmpressC - Years ago I received a letter from a childhood bully.
It turned out he was working through a 12 step program and had gotten to that stepā¦
posted by wittgenstein at 7:00 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
It turned out he was working through a 12 step program and had gotten to that stepā¦
posted by wittgenstein at 7:00 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
I'm in a spin, you know.
(Continuing my very silly game of only responding to free threads with personally-relevant song lyrics and parenthetical comments. Except when I break the rules. [Edit: the alignment with the official themes remains a bit surprising.])
posted by eotvos at 7:04 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
(Continuing my very silly game of only responding to free threads with personally-relevant song lyrics and parenthetical comments. Except when I break the rules. [Edit: the alignment with the official themes remains a bit surprising.])
posted by eotvos at 7:04 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
It turned out he was working through a 12 step program and had gotten to that stepā¦
Y'uh-huh.
I actually got a tiny bit salty in the second response to my "frenemy", because she went into some dippy shit about how she could "help with my healing". I told her that I had actually healed myself from the harm she'd caused quite well on my own without her input, thank you; and perhaps her takeaway should be that she should try to heal herself without mine.
Yeah yeah sure sure I respect and appreciate that she's trying to work on herself. I don't have to help her do that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:44 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
Y'uh-huh.
I actually got a tiny bit salty in the second response to my "frenemy", because she went into some dippy shit about how she could "help with my healing". I told her that I had actually healed myself from the harm she'd caused quite well on my own without her input, thank you; and perhaps her takeaway should be that she should try to heal herself without mine.
Yeah yeah sure sure I respect and appreciate that she's trying to work on herself. I don't have to help her do that.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 7:44 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
Breaking my own silly game rule immediately after posting. . . but, goddamn, the Shinn v. Martinez Ramirez decision sure is another punch in the gut today for people in the US. A lot of innocent people are going to spend their lives in prison or be killed by the state because of this. It's a struggle to remember that the people in my country are mostly ethical and just not paying attention. (There's no rule against politics here, right?)
The only song lyrics I can think of are too sad to quote.
posted by eotvos at 7:48 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
The only song lyrics I can think of are too sad to quote.
posted by eotvos at 7:48 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
Yeah yeah sure sure I respect and appreciate that she's trying to work on herself. I don't have to help her do that.
Maybe the most important thing to remember when doing a Step 9 (making amends): nobody owes you shit.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:52 AM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
Maybe the most important thing to remember when doing a Step 9 (making amends): nobody owes you shit.
posted by Halloween Jack at 7:52 AM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
Honestly it's the grade school chick who I'm most amused by. I'm sure she doesn't remember doing shit like following me home from the bus stop and throwing things at me, or rounding other people up to taunt me or trip me or things...and she was thinking this would be this whole cute "hey remember when we were kids wasn't that cute" thing and I blew all that up, heh.
And - I am taking some additional petty delight in the fact that her name for real is "Karen".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:02 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
And - I am taking some additional petty delight in the fact that her name for real is "Karen".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:02 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
Today, Mr. Terrier had his picc line removed, and later today his cervical collar will be determined to be no longer needed by hisā¦.cervical collar doc (I forget the name of the specialty.)
Also, the end of last week was the end of his every-8-hours antibiotic drip. Things are looking up!
PLUS WHICH, the dvd of āCasinoā is ready for pickup at our local library.
More Scorsese, more of the time!
posted by BostonTerrier at 8:11 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
Also, the end of last week was the end of his every-8-hours antibiotic drip. Things are looking up!
PLUS WHICH, the dvd of āCasinoā is ready for pickup at our local library.
More Scorsese, more of the time!
posted by BostonTerrier at 8:11 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
This discussion is reminding me of the occasional email or txt message my wife receives from any ex or classmate who go through the motions of "I was a jerk" "I treated you badly" "I was a bully" etc..
This need for people to reach out years later and acknowledge what was plain to see before, that they were selfish jerkoffs, for their own conscience - for their own atonement in the present. It's so small and obvious- did you just have a daughter and realize that men can be awful? Did you just got through a break up/divorce and need to review every past mistake? Are you going through an addition program and finally hit that step?
We owe these people nothing, no atonement, no forgiveness. Assholes as kids grow up to be assholes as adults. There are real consequences to youthful actions and lingering spite and venom can remain very potent later in life.
posted by djseafood at 8:12 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
This need for people to reach out years later and acknowledge what was plain to see before, that they were selfish jerkoffs, for their own conscience - for their own atonement in the present. It's so small and obvious- did you just have a daughter and realize that men can be awful? Did you just got through a break up/divorce and need to review every past mistake? Are you going through an addition program and finally hit that step?
We owe these people nothing, no atonement, no forgiveness. Assholes as kids grow up to be assholes as adults. There are real consequences to youthful actions and lingering spite and venom can remain very potent later in life.
posted by djseafood at 8:12 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
Our 18 year old kitty who'd been battling an intestinal malady (lymphoma, maybe) for a year finally passed on last week. I'm grateful for the joy that she had given us. I'm grateful that I got to hold her for her last hours and minutes. I'm grateful for buprenorphine (an opiate). But we are deeply sad. Thankfully, we have two other cats and a dog to keep us busy.
And the interminable cold of spring finally snapped last week and we had highs in the 70s (F) this weekend. I didn't get any yard work done but I did haul a pickup load of trash to the dump!
posted by neuron at 8:21 AM on May 23, 2022 [14 favorites]
And the interminable cold of spring finally snapped last week and we had highs in the 70s (F) this weekend. I didn't get any yard work done but I did haul a pickup load of trash to the dump!
posted by neuron at 8:21 AM on May 23, 2022 [14 favorites]
This discussion is reminding me of the occasional email or txt message my wife receives from any ex or classmate who go through the motions of "I was a jerk" "I treated you badly" "I was a bully" etc..As someone who stopped drinking recently, I sent a "we were both drunk, but maybe you were too drunk to give consent 15 years ago and I'm sorry that I didn't ask the morning after" message to someone. The response made me feel undeservedly good. I want to think of myself as an ethical person; I'm sure that has not always been true. But I *think* I've been lucky and have only hurt people in ways that were hard to avoid.
Best wishes, neuron. I saw my 19 year old cat die a couple of years ago. It's really hard. Remembering that they lived a better life than most was useful for me. I don't actually want a pet that will outlive me, but it would be easier. Sympathy and best wishes.
posted by eotvos at 8:45 AM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
I wasn't aware that Florence Welch could be that goofy. Good for her, and Bill Nighy, and Bill Nighy's cup of coffee/tea/whatever.
A little ironic to hear the line "when I'm dancing I am free" whilst waiting for Kaiser to call me back about my previously good knee that over the past few days has decided to be in pain no matter which way I move it (the bad knee makes clicking noises when I go up or down stairs but doesn't hurt like blue murder).
One of my high school bullies actually figured out she was being a jerk, apologized, and we got on OK after that, before we graduated from high school. So that was cool.
I'm very skeptical of the effectiveness of our COVID response team at work as a few days ago one of my coworkers tested positive and MED never contacted me. Despite that I'd been seated next to him for a good five hours much less than six feet away, and since he's a newbie I had to review and initial off his work on multiple occasions. And the Director sent out an email saying "we can't force you to wear a mask, or stay home if you're sick." Maybe time to revisit that, ma'am, just saying.
Neuron, sorry to hear about your old kitty. My little geriatric princess also left me a few months ago and it's tough. Big hugs for you and the other fur babies. Freda's brother still carries on, stone deaf but still in great shape for a 19 year-old, and ensures that I never really need an alarm clock since he has to remind me loudly that it's time for his breakfast.
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 9:00 AM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
A little ironic to hear the line "when I'm dancing I am free" whilst waiting for Kaiser to call me back about my previously good knee that over the past few days has decided to be in pain no matter which way I move it (the bad knee makes clicking noises when I go up or down stairs but doesn't hurt like blue murder).
One of my high school bullies actually figured out she was being a jerk, apologized, and we got on OK after that, before we graduated from high school. So that was cool.
I'm very skeptical of the effectiveness of our COVID response team at work as a few days ago one of my coworkers tested positive and MED never contacted me. Despite that I'd been seated next to him for a good five hours much less than six feet away, and since he's a newbie I had to review and initial off his work on multiple occasions. And the Director sent out an email saying "we can't force you to wear a mask, or stay home if you're sick." Maybe time to revisit that, ma'am, just saying.
Neuron, sorry to hear about your old kitty. My little geriatric princess also left me a few months ago and it's tough. Big hugs for you and the other fur babies. Freda's brother still carries on, stone deaf but still in great shape for a 19 year-old, and ensures that I never really need an alarm clock since he has to remind me loudly that it's time for his breakfast.
posted by The Ardship of Cambry at 9:00 AM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
I mean, I was also raised Catholic and I know how powerful it can be for both parties to simply have the offender acknowledge they fucked up, and how healing it can be for both.
But I also know that a lot of people who apologize aren't sorry for what they did, they're sorry they got caught. And I also know that sometimes an apology isn't only about "I feel guilty about what I did and I am owning up to that," it's also about "so please do something to help me stop feeling like such a shitheel".
I'm actually gearing up to write such an apology letter to someone I was a little bit of a heel to, but I'm going to leave it as "I realize I know I was a bitch to you, and that was wrong of me and I"m sorry", period. I'm not going to ask "what can I do to make it all better", I'm not going to ask for a response even, just a statement of "I figured out that was wrong, I regret that", the end. If my frenemy had left it there, that would have been different; it was the follow-up of "what can I do" and "how can I help you heal" that made me feel like the subtext was "ack I feel all oogy now, EC please do something to make me stop feeling oogy".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:01 AM on May 23, 2022 [9 favorites]
But I also know that a lot of people who apologize aren't sorry for what they did, they're sorry they got caught. And I also know that sometimes an apology isn't only about "I feel guilty about what I did and I am owning up to that," it's also about "so please do something to help me stop feeling like such a shitheel".
I'm actually gearing up to write such an apology letter to someone I was a little bit of a heel to, but I'm going to leave it as "I realize I know I was a bitch to you, and that was wrong of me and I"m sorry", period. I'm not going to ask "what can I do to make it all better", I'm not going to ask for a response even, just a statement of "I figured out that was wrong, I regret that", the end. If my frenemy had left it there, that would have been different; it was the follow-up of "what can I do" and "how can I help you heal" that made me feel like the subtext was "ack I feel all oogy now, EC please do something to make me stop feeling oogy".
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:01 AM on May 23, 2022 [9 favorites]
I continue to wage my war on the Immortal Bush in my backyard.
After two weeks of ripping out roots and unburying one of several main root elements, I have found that the Immortal Bush has a heart.
Okay, it's just a decorative rock that the bush has grown around, but... this is how almost every anime villain gets released, right?
posted by SunSnork at 9:03 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
After two weeks of ripping out roots and unburying one of several main root elements, I have found that the Immortal Bush has a heart.
Okay, it's just a decorative rock that the bush has grown around, but... this is how almost every anime villain gets released, right?
posted by SunSnork at 9:03 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
Whenever I come across someone I knew as a kid, I am terrified they are going to explain to me what a miserable shitheel I was. Because honestly, at any given moment, I am convinced that the only person in the world worse than me at any given point in time is the me from five years before that point. Somehow, people nearly always tell me I was fine, but I can never tell if they're just viewing the past through rose-colored glasses or if I'm just viewing the past through like, shit-smudged glasses.
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:04 AM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by DirtyOldTown at 9:04 AM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
Your Evita update: a fourth of the cast/people involved in the show have it now, all symptomatic as far as I hear, all still testing positive on day 5 with symptoms. Some are doing somewhat better, some are...not.
The good news is that they rescheduled to do one last show next Saturday after people have hit 10 days.
The bad news is that one of the leads tested positive 5 days after exposure (compared to everyone else's symptom and/or positive test days starting Tuesday), so he definitely won't have 10 days of anything and if he tests positive on day 5, the show is over. The lighting person has quit the show, saying they're not comfortable doing it barely 10 days after and their SO is graduating and they don't want to bring covid home. Hell, I'm not sure I'm totally comfortable about doing it mask-free (SIGH) after 10 days if people are still coughing and sneezing and whatnot, but that may not be an issue to worry about any more.
I think this show is doomed and over at this point once I heard that about the lead. For those of you into song lyrics, mine is a paraphrased "We had a good run. I'm sure they enjoyed us." The weird thing is that I don't particularly love what I do in this show and god knows it's not my favorite ever, but I'm really sad not to get to see these people again and say goodbye to some of them that I may not see for awhile/in the future, take cast pictures, sign the walls, etc. At this point I'm inclined to declare the show cursed, even if nobody said the Scottish M-name anywhere to my knowledge. I do wonder why the heck they had to do it only this coming weekend--I gather they had to ask permission of the licensing people--but rather wish they'd rescheduled for the first weekend of June so as to have less of an issue with this. SIGH.
I'm very skeptical of the effectiveness of our COVID response team at work as a few days ago one of my coworkers tested positive and MED never contacted me.
I think the whole contact testing is a thing of the past, unfortunately. My work officially gave up on even pretending that was happening a few months ago. If the person themselves don't notify you, you're not going to know. (Though I note my employer literally sends a daily list of buildings in which people had covid, so...there's that.) I suspect one of my coworkers had it because she was out for 2 weeks, but I wasn't around her, so oh well. On a related note, this Ask a Manager is awful because one deliberately infected most of the office.
I've never had a bully apologize to me and I'm sure that will never happen, because they're not sorry.
In other news, since I had the free time and negative tests (I have survivor's guilt, I swear, I feel bad for going out and having fun while my friends are suffering), I went to two shows, Clue: The Musical and Tootsie, and a friend's karaoke birthday party. I masked up at everything, so fingers crossed there. I also am scheduling a brief vacation, my first one in years, to go to Santa Cruz to visit friends in between shows. Hopefully they will no longer want to avoid me since this is in between plays, and I can get home easier if I get it rather than being trapped in a hotel room for 2 weeks and needing a plane flight home or whatever.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:22 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
The good news is that they rescheduled to do one last show next Saturday after people have hit 10 days.
The bad news is that one of the leads tested positive 5 days after exposure (compared to everyone else's symptom and/or positive test days starting Tuesday), so he definitely won't have 10 days of anything and if he tests positive on day 5, the show is over. The lighting person has quit the show, saying they're not comfortable doing it barely 10 days after and their SO is graduating and they don't want to bring covid home. Hell, I'm not sure I'm totally comfortable about doing it mask-free (SIGH) after 10 days if people are still coughing and sneezing and whatnot, but that may not be an issue to worry about any more.
I think this show is doomed and over at this point once I heard that about the lead. For those of you into song lyrics, mine is a paraphrased "We had a good run. I'm sure they enjoyed us." The weird thing is that I don't particularly love what I do in this show and god knows it's not my favorite ever, but I'm really sad not to get to see these people again and say goodbye to some of them that I may not see for awhile/in the future, take cast pictures, sign the walls, etc. At this point I'm inclined to declare the show cursed, even if nobody said the Scottish M-name anywhere to my knowledge. I do wonder why the heck they had to do it only this coming weekend--I gather they had to ask permission of the licensing people--but rather wish they'd rescheduled for the first weekend of June so as to have less of an issue with this. SIGH.
I'm very skeptical of the effectiveness of our COVID response team at work as a few days ago one of my coworkers tested positive and MED never contacted me.
I think the whole contact testing is a thing of the past, unfortunately. My work officially gave up on even pretending that was happening a few months ago. If the person themselves don't notify you, you're not going to know. (Though I note my employer literally sends a daily list of buildings in which people had covid, so...there's that.) I suspect one of my coworkers had it because she was out for 2 weeks, but I wasn't around her, so oh well. On a related note, this Ask a Manager is awful because one deliberately infected most of the office.
I've never had a bully apologize to me and I'm sure that will never happen, because they're not sorry.
In other news, since I had the free time and negative tests (I have survivor's guilt, I swear, I feel bad for going out and having fun while my friends are suffering), I went to two shows, Clue: The Musical and Tootsie, and a friend's karaoke birthday party. I masked up at everything, so fingers crossed there. I also am scheduling a brief vacation, my first one in years, to go to Santa Cruz to visit friends in between shows. Hopefully they will no longer want to avoid me since this is in between plays, and I can get home easier if I get it rather than being trapped in a hotel room for 2 weeks and needing a plane flight home or whatever.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:22 AM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
My observation is that plenty of people are willing to forgive bad behaviour, especially if there is a sincere apology, but almost no one is willing to forget bad behaviour. Do I forgive my former classmate for ruining a perfectly good road trip? Of course, Sam... go in peace and try to stop drinking. Will I ever go on a road trip with him again? Oh, hell, no.
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 9:22 AM on May 23, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by Multicellular Exothermic at 9:22 AM on May 23, 2022 [7 favorites]
In the last month, I've lost my mama, been bedridden with COVID, and dealt with a never-ending deluge of work stress. I'm hanging on by threads, but have felt tiny shreds of reprieve, quite literally, while dancing. Thank you for posting this. I'm listening on repeat, weeping, and feeling this song very, very deeply.
posted by hessie at 9:27 AM on May 23, 2022 [20 favorites]
posted by hessie at 9:27 AM on May 23, 2022 [20 favorites]
*virtual hugs to hessie*
Multicellular Exothermic: Oh, I agree. Like on some level I kinda forgive my work bully since she's at least shaped up and kept to herself for the last few years and presumably whatever was going on with her for 2 years may have worn off by now, but on the other hand, I'm certainly not going to forget and will generally avoid her as much as possible because if someone's demonstrated that they can be that level of unhinged, they're not safe to be around.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:40 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
Multicellular Exothermic: Oh, I agree. Like on some level I kinda forgive my work bully since she's at least shaped up and kept to herself for the last few years and presumably whatever was going on with her for 2 years may have worn off by now, but on the other hand, I'm certainly not going to forget and will generally avoid her as much as possible because if someone's demonstrated that they can be that level of unhinged, they're not safe to be around.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:40 AM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
Did a little dance in the Target parking lot today because my friend got a protection-from-abuse order against their partner today. My friend had repeatedly forgiven, and apparently forgotten, a great deal, but when they made a list it was shocking. The offender spent a lot of time making threats and funny-to-them mock-attacks, and we were afraid that wouldn't be enough, even with the 302 my friend had to invoke last week, even with the substance abuse.
I'm also doing a little dance today because my partner actually ate something and because I took the last Paxlovid, and because both of us tested negative today. The COVID was mild, and Mr. Peach didn't get it because I masked all week and slept on my study floor. It has been a TIME.
posted by Peach at 10:01 AM on May 23, 2022 [10 favorites]
I'm also doing a little dance today because my partner actually ate something and because I took the last Paxlovid, and because both of us tested negative today. The COVID was mild, and Mr. Peach didn't get it because I masked all week and slept on my study floor. It has been a TIME.
posted by Peach at 10:01 AM on May 23, 2022 [10 favorites]
********
Hey folks, a User Survey has been posted in MetaTalk. Please take a minute to have a look and respond to it, as it's related to the future of Metafilter, thank you!
********
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:12 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
Hey folks, a User Survey has been posted in MetaTalk. Please take a minute to have a look and respond to it, as it's related to the future of Metafilter, thank you!
********
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:12 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
I'm actually gearing up to write such an apology letter to someone I was a little bit of a heel to, but I'm going to leave it as "I realize I know I was a bitch to you, and that was wrong of me and I"m sorry", period. I'm not going to ask "what can I do to make it all better", I'm not going to ask for a response even, just a statement of "I figured out that was wrong, I regret that", the end
Yep, felt the need to write a couple of these myself. Had to learn to write and then go back a couple of times to take out anything that remotely smacked of an excuse or needing anything in return.
I have also received a number of these myself - usually from ex-partners. The ones I stopped replying to were the ones that included some variant of āā¦.you were so good to meā¦ā, which, after a time, felt more like they were thinking about what THEY got from the relationship, and that regret, and not really about really the abject shittiness of their own actions.
I have received two nice ones. Clear, honest, and with what felt like a genuine wish for my well-being, without asking for anything from me. Those felt goo, and I thanked them for their note, and left it at that.
posted by Silvery Fish at 10:20 AM on May 23, 2022 [7 favorites]
Yep, felt the need to write a couple of these myself. Had to learn to write and then go back a couple of times to take out anything that remotely smacked of an excuse or needing anything in return.
I have also received a number of these myself - usually from ex-partners. The ones I stopped replying to were the ones that included some variant of āā¦.you were so good to meā¦ā, which, after a time, felt more like they were thinking about what THEY got from the relationship, and that regret, and not really about really the abject shittiness of their own actions.
I have received two nice ones. Clear, honest, and with what felt like a genuine wish for my well-being, without asking for anything from me. Those felt goo, and I thanked them for their note, and left it at that.
posted by Silvery Fish at 10:20 AM on May 23, 2022 [7 favorites]
This need for people to reach out years later and acknowledge what was plain to see before, that they were selfish jerkoffs, for their own conscience - for their own atonement in the present. It's so small and obvious
I think for some of us here, a more edge-case scenario could be someone who's normally a good sort but made a mistake once or twice, hurt someone or even just inconvenienced them greatly, whether by selfishness/lack of consideration, etc, and didn't properly apologize or make amends at the time.
Little-to-medium stuff, 20 years later, you still want to make it right, but it is worth reaching out? The question to ask is "would the other person appreciate it?" And that's a tough one. (There's also range in severity of offenses -- in some cases, I agree it's clearly best not to re-engage.)
I will Bill Nighy were my anxiety. My anxiety gives me no shoulder to rest my head upon, just the worst Kafkaesque dreams -- I wake up exhausted.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:27 AM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
I think for some of us here, a more edge-case scenario could be someone who's normally a good sort but made a mistake once or twice, hurt someone or even just inconvenienced them greatly, whether by selfishness/lack of consideration, etc, and didn't properly apologize or make amends at the time.
Little-to-medium stuff, 20 years later, you still want to make it right, but it is worth reaching out? The question to ask is "would the other person appreciate it?" And that's a tough one. (There's also range in severity of offenses -- in some cases, I agree it's clearly best not to re-engage.)
I will Bill Nighy were my anxiety. My anxiety gives me no shoulder to rest my head upon, just the worst Kafkaesque dreams -- I wake up exhausted.
posted by mrgrimm at 10:27 AM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
I've never had anyone reach out to me like that, but if it were to happen, I'm pretty sure my answer would be, "Sorry, but I have no idea who you are. Best of luck on your recovery."
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:36 AM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by It's Raining Florence Henderson at 10:36 AM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
I've never had any of my childhood bullies try to contact me. My life happens to have gone in such a way that they probably couldn't find me if they tried; making a couple of out-of-state moves and never being interested in having a presence on the notorious Facebook have inadvertently taken care of that.
I feel a little guilty to even mention it, because so many folks in this thread have legit reasons to feel bad (hugs to all); but I've randomly been in a bit of a grim and brooding mood the past few days (in the theme of this thread I guess you could say I've got Bill Nighy as Davy Jones sitting next to me). Still, I've learned that these melancholies periodically come but they also go, so I'm doggedly trudging through my daily business knowing I'll feel less macabre again eventually.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:02 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
I feel a little guilty to even mention it, because so many folks in this thread have legit reasons to feel bad (hugs to all); but I've randomly been in a bit of a grim and brooding mood the past few days (in the theme of this thread I guess you could say I've got Bill Nighy as Davy Jones sitting next to me). Still, I've learned that these melancholies periodically come but they also go, so I'm doggedly trudging through my daily business knowing I'll feel less macabre again eventually.
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:02 AM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
Little-to-medium stuff, 20 years later, you still want to make it right, but it is worth reaching out? The question to ask is "would the other person appreciate it?" And that's a tough one.I'm pretty sure that's the right answer. Well, the right question. (FWIW, as someone who just admitted to doing this here, in my particular case, it was in the context of recent, significant, ongoing interaction between us, and I made it very clear I didn't expect an answer. I think I got that part right, at least.)
If my former (non-violent) stalker reached out to me today after a decade of no contact. . . I think I'd genuinely welcome it and probably respond with kindness. But, I can definitely see how it could be easily weaponized with slightly different language.
posted by eotvos at 12:05 PM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
If you buy some nice new shoes, and within the next few days, or walks, your k ee goes bad, or your ankle...there might be a connection to a new walking platform and how your skeleton likes it. So, immediatly go back to the old shoes, for at least two weeks. If there is a return to the old normal, well take them back. Or, put them on and walk across the room. The return to the new pain will probably be immediate.
This is from personal experience on two different occasions.
posted by OyƩah at 12:39 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
This is from personal experience on two different occasions.
posted by OyƩah at 12:39 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
Sigh. I turn forty this week and was genuinely looking forward to it, in large part because my husband and I planned to spend the weekend with a couple we're very close with, two of my favorite people in the world.
One of them told us this morning that she tested positive for covid.
I am now zero excited for my birthday. :(
posted by obfuscation at 1:15 PM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
One of them told us this morning that she tested positive for covid.
I am now zero excited for my birthday. :(
posted by obfuscation at 1:15 PM on May 23, 2022 [6 favorites]
Sometimes it occurs to me that I was a jerk to some people in high school -- not believing that I was, of course, just roasting people because that was the environment and, and ... well, I was. It didn't take me long to decide against contacting them to apologize. If I did that, it would be for me, not them, and it would add another responsibility to their day.
Once I reconnected with someone who sincerely apologized for something in high school that I completely did not remember. It was good of them to remember, and of course I forgave them. Also it was nice to know that I, the most delicate hothouse teen flower, managed not to be hurt by something back in the day.
posted by Countess Elena at 1:46 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
Once I reconnected with someone who sincerely apologized for something in high school that I completely did not remember. It was good of them to remember, and of course I forgave them. Also it was nice to know that I, the most delicate hothouse teen flower, managed not to be hurt by something back in the day.
posted by Countess Elena at 1:46 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
One of them told us this morning that she tested positive for covid.
I am now zero excited for my birthday. :(
Yeah, you can't count on ANYTHING happening in this life any more :( Except covid. I'm so sorry.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:53 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
I am now zero excited for my birthday. :(
Yeah, you can't count on ANYTHING happening in this life any more :( Except covid. I'm so sorry.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:53 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
Oh hello. Australia here. Dancing? Of course we're dancing!
Our delightful compulsory preferential voting system has returned a result to bring hope back into our hearts.
Following a decade of climate change denial and policy inaction, and recently the worst fires and floods in recorded history, Australia has voted to end the climate culture wars.
The neo-conservative coalition of Liberal/National parties have lost government. Labor, led by a Sydney inner-westie who was raised in social housing by his disabled single mum and who brings the first non-anglo surname to the countryās top role, will gain enough seats to form a majority, just. Six new independent candidates, all white professional women from well-off conservative constituencies, were elected under a climate action and political integrity banner (the teal revolution) taking seats from the misogynistic coal and gas loving coalition. And finally two, possibly three Greens candidates will join the Greens leader on the cross-bench.
The Senate is looking even better with Greens holding the balance of power and a swathe of First Nations folk entering the parliament on both sides of the chamber. Our Minister for Indigenous Affairs will be the first First Nations woman elected to the lower house.
We will have a Federal Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC); the three goals of the Uluru Statement Statement from the Heart (Voice, Treaty, Truth) will begin their journey to implementation; public schools will be properly funded; towns now existing on fossil fuel mining will be targeted for healthy economic outcomes with renewable energy projects; affordable housing will become a focus.
It will take time to fix the damage of ten years of coalition, we are far behind where we should be in terms of social, economic and climate justice but now, at least, we have hope. And dancing.
posted by Thella at 1:54 PM on May 23, 2022 [12 favorites]
Our delightful compulsory preferential voting system has returned a result to bring hope back into our hearts.
Following a decade of climate change denial and policy inaction, and recently the worst fires and floods in recorded history, Australia has voted to end the climate culture wars.
The neo-conservative coalition of Liberal/National parties have lost government. Labor, led by a Sydney inner-westie who was raised in social housing by his disabled single mum and who brings the first non-anglo surname to the countryās top role, will gain enough seats to form a majority, just. Six new independent candidates, all white professional women from well-off conservative constituencies, were elected under a climate action and political integrity banner (the teal revolution) taking seats from the misogynistic coal and gas loving coalition. And finally two, possibly three Greens candidates will join the Greens leader on the cross-bench.
The Senate is looking even better with Greens holding the balance of power and a swathe of First Nations folk entering the parliament on both sides of the chamber. Our Minister for Indigenous Affairs will be the first First Nations woman elected to the lower house.
We will have a Federal Independent Commission Against Corruption (ICAC); the three goals of the Uluru Statement Statement from the Heart (Voice, Treaty, Truth) will begin their journey to implementation; public schools will be properly funded; towns now existing on fossil fuel mining will be targeted for healthy economic outcomes with renewable energy projects; affordable housing will become a focus.
It will take time to fix the damage of ten years of coalition, we are far behind where we should be in terms of social, economic and climate justice but now, at least, we have hope. And dancing.
posted by Thella at 1:54 PM on May 23, 2022 [12 favorites]
Ghost hugs hessie.
I have no desire to hear from any of my bullies. So far I have been fortunate to hear from only one of them via a FB friend request many years ago - which I promptly trashed, then blocked the individual in question. My version of being over it is to chose to never interact with any of them again in any capacity. If they have some sort of revelation, they can sit with my silence. I owe them nothing.
I was an odd one, saw no point in trying to be anything other than that (my few attempts to fit in were mocked as "trying to hard", I literally could not win) and I had some pretty serious mental health issues, some caused by the bullying, some independent of it. Fortunately I got some intensive therapy midway through high school. That therapist saved my life.
Years later I got the rare experience of having two individuals in classes behind me express how important it was to them to see me continue to be me in spite of everything.
I have written and sent one apology letter. I apologized for being a terrible person and made no excuses for my behavior (there were none, I was horrible).
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:22 PM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
I have no desire to hear from any of my bullies. So far I have been fortunate to hear from only one of them via a FB friend request many years ago - which I promptly trashed, then blocked the individual in question. My version of being over it is to chose to never interact with any of them again in any capacity. If they have some sort of revelation, they can sit with my silence. I owe them nothing.
I was an odd one, saw no point in trying to be anything other than that (my few attempts to fit in were mocked as "trying to hard", I literally could not win) and I had some pretty serious mental health issues, some caused by the bullying, some independent of it. Fortunately I got some intensive therapy midway through high school. That therapist saved my life.
Years later I got the rare experience of having two individuals in classes behind me express how important it was to them to see me continue to be me in spite of everything.
I have written and sent one apology letter. I apologized for being a terrible person and made no excuses for my behavior (there were none, I was horrible).
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:22 PM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
Hugs if wanted for obfuscation. I've learned the only thing I can count on right now is for plans to be cancelled and to be surprised if they take place.
I hope you find a way to celebrate your birthday regardless of circumstances. Maybe you can improvise something that is more fun that you expect and that can become the party.
posted by hippybear at 3:09 PM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
I hope you find a way to celebrate your birthday regardless of circumstances. Maybe you can improvise something that is more fun that you expect and that can become the party.
posted by hippybear at 3:09 PM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
Well we had a Derecho on Saturday.
People cleaning upon Sunday.
But so far it's been a quite , lazy Victoria Day Monday .
posted by yyz at 3:30 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
People cleaning upon Sunday.
But so far it's been a quite , lazy Victoria Day Monday .
posted by yyz at 3:30 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
With grade school and high school, it's complicated. I wasn't a bully; I was obnoxious. And I was obnoxious because I would parrot my mother's opinions without fully understanding them. Therefore, I am willing to engage with the people who bullied me as long as we all go into it with sincere regret. At my 30th High School reunion, I discovered that a girl who tried to drown me was sorry.
posted by acrasis at 4:04 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by acrasis at 4:04 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
I had a whole raft of people I went through high school with, in church and youth group and boy scouts and orchestra and just being in all the same classes together sometimes from elementary school... and by the time I was 19 basically none of them were left in my life.
Now, I maintain contact with a few people from those years quite regularly even now (more regularly than you might expect), and those are dear and true friends of mine. But there is this giant HOLE for me with all these boys and girls (now men and women) who were in my life for 10-15 years and who simply have not been since.
It feels peculiar. Do they feel a lack of me the way I feel a lack of them? I doubt it. I'm just one person. They are 15-20 people or more who simply have this stopping point for me, like the next update didn't include them.
I was bullied horribly in school and am glad those years are behind me, but I'm at peace with much of that at this point and don't know how I'd react if someone reached out to me. I sometimes reach out to friends who aren't harmed people from the past but are just people who fell out of touch across the years, and the variety of responses has run from very happy to hear from me to a stiff-arm keep away I don't know what you want.
I guess the thing is, reaching out to one's past can be fraught even without baggage. So the added complication could really be a deal breaker for many.
posted by hippybear at 4:27 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
Now, I maintain contact with a few people from those years quite regularly even now (more regularly than you might expect), and those are dear and true friends of mine. But there is this giant HOLE for me with all these boys and girls (now men and women) who were in my life for 10-15 years and who simply have not been since.
It feels peculiar. Do they feel a lack of me the way I feel a lack of them? I doubt it. I'm just one person. They are 15-20 people or more who simply have this stopping point for me, like the next update didn't include them.
I was bullied horribly in school and am glad those years are behind me, but I'm at peace with much of that at this point and don't know how I'd react if someone reached out to me. I sometimes reach out to friends who aren't harmed people from the past but are just people who fell out of touch across the years, and the variety of responses has run from very happy to hear from me to a stiff-arm keep away I don't know what you want.
I guess the thing is, reaching out to one's past can be fraught even without baggage. So the added complication could really be a deal breaker for many.
posted by hippybear at 4:27 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
My mom and her husband are the caregivers for a professor my mom worked with in grad school in the 90s.
For about a decade theyāve lived on the same property, the professor in an apartment over the garage. In the last couple years the professor has been rapidly progressing through dementia and I can tell my mom is having a hard time. Thursday morning my mom discovered the professor had had a really bad fall. She snapped her femur right at the hip joint and was sitting on the floor in excruciating pain. Sheād probably been sitting there for an hour but hadnāt wanted to press her emergency response gadget because she confusedly thought it would call the police.
Thatās not all of the story but itās making me sadā¦ itās just added on to the list of very bad news of the last few weeks.
posted by bendy at 5:00 PM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
For about a decade theyāve lived on the same property, the professor in an apartment over the garage. In the last couple years the professor has been rapidly progressing through dementia and I can tell my mom is having a hard time. Thursday morning my mom discovered the professor had had a really bad fall. She snapped her femur right at the hip joint and was sitting on the floor in excruciating pain. Sheād probably been sitting there for an hour but hadnāt wanted to press her emergency response gadget because she confusedly thought it would call the police.
Thatās not all of the story but itās making me sadā¦ itās just added on to the list of very bad news of the last few weeks.
posted by bendy at 5:00 PM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
The response made me feel undeservedly good. I want to think of myself as an ethical person; I'm sure that has not always been true. But I *think* I've been lucky and have only hurt people in ways that were hard to avoid.
I also reached out to someone a few years (three or four) after I'd been thoughtless to him (we were dating at the time, and while I wasn't mean directly to him, I wasn't an angel when we were apart). I deeply apologized, because I never stopped being mad at myself for doing what I did. He was very gracious and understanding and frankly, I'm glad I reached out, and even more glad that he accepted my apologies.
Neuron, I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. I was lucky to have had two very elderly cats in my life (one was 18 that showed up in my yard as a six week old kitten; the other was 20 and came to us as a year old cat "temporarily") and no matter how long we get to have them, it's never enough. I am so sorry.
posted by annieb at 5:50 PM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
I also reached out to someone a few years (three or four) after I'd been thoughtless to him (we were dating at the time, and while I wasn't mean directly to him, I wasn't an angel when we were apart). I deeply apologized, because I never stopped being mad at myself for doing what I did. He was very gracious and understanding and frankly, I'm glad I reached out, and even more glad that he accepted my apologies.
Neuron, I am so sorry for the loss of your cat. I was lucky to have had two very elderly cats in my life (one was 18 that showed up in my yard as a six week old kitten; the other was 20 and came to us as a year old cat "temporarily") and no matter how long we get to have them, it's never enough. I am so sorry.
posted by annieb at 5:50 PM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]
Acrasis-The girl who tried to drown you was sorry, and still is.
posted by OyƩah at 5:56 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by OyƩah at 5:56 PM on May 23, 2022 [2 favorites]
I just has the most fascinating 3-language conversation with a ride share driver. Once we introduced ourselves and established that I was cool with it, the dude just kept switching between Spanish, English, and French in the middle of every sentence. (I speak English fluently, Spanish like a 14 year old, French like a dim 3 year old with a lisp.) I think I kept up, at least in English and Spanish, and tried to reciprocate. I learned a lot about what it was like to grow up in rural Colombia in the '80s, except for some of the French parts that I probably missed. (As might be obvious, it wasn't good.) The language switching is really weird when it's using words that aren't common spanglish. But, also great fun. That *I'm* giving a tip to this guy rather than the other way around is astonishing.
posted by eotvos at 8:21 PM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by eotvos at 8:21 PM on May 23, 2022 [4 favorites]
It's still dark here, before sunrise. Mr Zumbador just got the results of his Covid test. Positive.
It feels oddly validating as neither of us have had a positive test before, although we've both had Covid.
He's pretty miserable but not dangerously sick.
I'm SO PLEASED that I've been super careful myself in the past few days, cancelling a walk with friends, and (OMG) not going to visit my father yesterday.
I persuaded him to rather practise using Zoom, so that we can be ready for the Zoom meeting with his financial advisor tomorrow. Zoom practice went well. He hasn't got the hang of adjusting the camera, so there's a non zero chance we'll have the meeting with my father being represented by a patch of pressed ceiling.
I'm starting to get a sore throat so...?
In other news, my budgie Carlos has now decided he likes sitting on top of my head. So I get to mark student work with a bird on my head. He sings and chats so loudly that he vibrates.
Yesterday he allowed me to scratch his head , and got so relaxed that his little feet lost their grip and he fell off my hand.
posted by Zumbador at 9:33 PM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
It feels oddly validating as neither of us have had a positive test before, although we've both had Covid.
He's pretty miserable but not dangerously sick.
I'm SO PLEASED that I've been super careful myself in the past few days, cancelling a walk with friends, and (OMG) not going to visit my father yesterday.
I persuaded him to rather practise using Zoom, so that we can be ready for the Zoom meeting with his financial advisor tomorrow. Zoom practice went well. He hasn't got the hang of adjusting the camera, so there's a non zero chance we'll have the meeting with my father being represented by a patch of pressed ceiling.
I'm starting to get a sore throat so...?
In other news, my budgie Carlos has now decided he likes sitting on top of my head. So I get to mark student work with a bird on my head. He sings and chats so loudly that he vibrates.
Yesterday he allowed me to scratch his head , and got so relaxed that his little feet lost their grip and he fell off my hand.
posted by Zumbador at 9:33 PM on May 23, 2022 [5 favorites]
(maybe worth explaining that over here, home tests are not a thing, we have to trek out to a hospital or testing center to have a test done, and then wait about 24 hours for an SMS with the results. That, or make an appointment with a doctor. And whatever we do, the tests are EXPENSIVE. )
posted by Zumbador at 9:53 PM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Zumbador at 9:53 PM on May 23, 2022 [1 favorite]
So I'm reading this depressing NYT article about how young Chinese adults are all "eff this, I'm leaving and/or not having kids" these days (yup) re: current Covid shutdowns from hell. And then there's this quote:
HAVING TO EXPLAIN YOUR DIARRHEA TO PEOPLE.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:22 AM on May 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
Tongji University in Shanghai, known for its engineering and architecture programs, issued detailed instructions on how to use a mobile phone-based queuing system for the toilets and washrooms, according to a document on the system reviewed by The New York Times.DIGITALLY POKE THE STUDENT IN THE TOILET.
Each student would need to press āstartā when they left the dorm for the toilet, and press āstopā when they returned to avoid two people in the hallway at the same time, said the instructions. Each toilet run would be allowed a maximum 10 minutes. After eight minutes, the others in the queue could digitally poke the student in the toilet. After 10 minutes, the student would need to explain to the queuing group why it took so long.
HAVING TO EXPLAIN YOUR DIARRHEA TO PEOPLE.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:22 AM on May 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
My cat, Naga, died this morning. He was 2.5 years old, deep black, funny, warm, and a great conversationalist.
We are sad.
posted by signal at 9:55 AM on May 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
We are sad.
posted by signal at 9:55 AM on May 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
Oh no. I'm so sorry signal . Poor Naga. Poor you.
posted by Zumbador at 9:57 AM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Zumbador at 9:57 AM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
@bendy, that is a hard situation.. I know people who have cared for others as they lose their faculties and health in general, it's the toughest situation.. I'm heading over to interview a friend for a memory project on Wednesday evening, her second partner was sliding into dementia for a couple of years but they managed.. by the time I caught on, it was so plain to see.. and the way he watched her constantly, for queues and guidance to make sense of things, just the incredible trust and faith he had in her. My friend and his brother visit his mom every week, she sometimes (but rarely) knows her sons, more often they are people she conjures from memory (and often women.. cousins and childhood friends.. they're big bearded men, it's fascinating to imagine how her mind is re-framing them).
when my mom was going, it was her waking dreams that seemed to start to linger, until she started insisting things were happening that absolutely were not happening. Just wild incidents, and I was realizing a lot of it was wish fulfillment.. things she wished she had said to other people, vindication over a perceived slight, etc. I can't even get to the bottom of that sadness, it has been over 4 years since she passed away and my heart goes out to people who are caring for those who lose it all, their selves, it is awful.
posted by elkevelvet at 10:04 AM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
when my mom was going, it was her waking dreams that seemed to start to linger, until she started insisting things were happening that absolutely were not happening. Just wild incidents, and I was realizing a lot of it was wish fulfillment.. things she wished she had said to other people, vindication over a perceived slight, etc. I can't even get to the bottom of that sadness, it has been over 4 years since she passed away and my heart goes out to people who are caring for those who lose it all, their selves, it is awful.
posted by elkevelvet at 10:04 AM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
So sorry signal...
We just had to put our best girl down, (dog), Pippin last week. Still grieving. Why do we have to outlive our companions...? Ugh
posted by Windopaene at 10:33 AM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
We just had to put our best girl down, (dog), Pippin last week. Still grieving. Why do we have to outlive our companions...? Ugh
posted by Windopaene at 10:33 AM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Thanks, Zumbador. Windopaene, thanks and I'm so sorry, that even worse, I just found him, I didn't actually have to make any decisions.
posted by signal at 11:55 AM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by signal at 11:55 AM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
Thank you elkevelvet. My mom told me recently that sheād never considered punching an old lady until now. :)
It feels selfish to say but I feel the most disturbed by thinking about my mom going through the trauma of finding her friend.
posted by bendy at 12:03 PM on May 24, 2022
It feels selfish to say but I feel the most disturbed by thinking about my mom going through the trauma of finding her friend.
posted by bendy at 12:03 PM on May 24, 2022
Goddamn, signal. I'm so sorry. It's always too soon, but that's *way* too soon. Sympathy.
posted by eotvos at 12:41 PM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by eotvos at 12:41 PM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
Just went to the doctor yesterday. Found out that my gallbladder needs removing and am now being whisked along to a surgery date on Thursday and good lord. I know that removing the thing is fairly common and routine thing and not something truly massively dire, but it's my first surgery as an aware adult and I feel like I haven't had a chance to process it.
Like, I'm simultaneously feeling "oh, nbd" - in part not to freak out myself or my spouse - and feeling fairly unnerved at the rapidity of it all.
(Also, nth'ing the sentiment - losing a pet out of turn/unexpectedly feels like the universe punching you doubly hard)
posted by drewbage1847 at 1:04 PM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Like, I'm simultaneously feeling "oh, nbd" - in part not to freak out myself or my spouse - and feeling fairly unnerved at the rapidity of it all.
(Also, nth'ing the sentiment - losing a pet out of turn/unexpectedly feels like the universe punching you doubly hard)
posted by drewbage1847 at 1:04 PM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
can't really blubber I'm at work, but the song taz posted has me all choked up in my throat trying to get out my eyes and nose and mouth
posted by elkevelvet at 1:57 PM on May 24, 2022
posted by elkevelvet at 1:57 PM on May 24, 2022
Oh signal, I am so, so sorry.
Perimenopause is kicking my ass this week. I hate it so much. I really am doing. all. the. things. they tell you to do to cope and some days it just does not feel like enough. And hormonal therapy is out as I am high risk for stroke. I'm seriously looking at CBD but spouse is not too keen.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:49 PM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
Perimenopause is kicking my ass this week. I hate it so much. I really am doing. all. the. things. they tell you to do to cope and some days it just does not feel like enough. And hormonal therapy is out as I am high risk for stroke. I'm seriously looking at CBD but spouse is not too keen.
posted by theBigRedKittyPurrs at 2:49 PM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
I've been distracting myself from doomscrolling by imagining that I've won the lottery and am doing a no-holds-barred 3 week ridiculously expensive trip to Walt Disney World. So I've been watching random videos and enjoying learning about the ridiculousness of the parks and all the stuff that is "secret" or whatever.
It's entirely frivolous but it's a nice distraction. And it's interesting sorting out the propaganda from the more real material.
I do think 3 weeks would be enough to genuinely do everything one might want. You can hop between hotels and they'll move your luggage for you so all you have to do is be packed before you leave for the park in the morning and then go to the new hotel in the evening and your room will be there for you. That sounds amazing.
posted by hippybear at 4:39 PM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
It's entirely frivolous but it's a nice distraction. And it's interesting sorting out the propaganda from the more real material.
I do think 3 weeks would be enough to genuinely do everything one might want. You can hop between hotels and they'll move your luggage for you so all you have to do is be packed before you leave for the park in the morning and then go to the new hotel in the evening and your room will be there for you. That sounds amazing.
posted by hippybear at 4:39 PM on May 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
i believe there are some hopeful voices for the future - a young man in florida was told he'd have his mike cut off if he used his graduation speech to comment on florida's don't say gay law and how it affected him as a gay person
he found a clever way to make his point
posted by pyramid termite at 7:13 PM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
he found a clever way to make his point
posted by pyramid termite at 7:13 PM on May 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Iāve been been paying attention to the NBA playoffs this year through snippets and highlights on YouTube, not so much hoping to see my favorite teams win as to see the teams I really donāt like lose.
Which Iām prepared to admit is not healthy, but one of those teams is Dallas, and I dislike them so much because I see them as an embodiment of the quintessentially red state evils of Texas.
And tonight I think I may have seen the best evidence for something Iāve been expecting to see for a long time.
Namely, that a home team would use their real time servomotor-driven precise control of the positioning of the rim of the basket and the backboard to put the visiting team at a disadvantage.
Because I donāt think thereās any way Draymond Green's free throw comes to rest on the rim unless the front of the rim is tilted up very significantly with respect to the back.
Dallas has already been fined $175K for sideline violations which could endanger players as well as having people in white shirts on the sidelines that Golden State could have and perhaps did mistake for members of their team, leading to turnovers ā and that was before a drink vendor to the Dallas team who was kneeling right next to the sideline tripped Steven Curry and brought him to his knees in a way that looked deliberate to me.
posted by jamjam at 10:34 PM on May 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Which Iām prepared to admit is not healthy, but one of those teams is Dallas, and I dislike them so much because I see them as an embodiment of the quintessentially red state evils of Texas.
And tonight I think I may have seen the best evidence for something Iāve been expecting to see for a long time.
Namely, that a home team would use their real time servomotor-driven precise control of the positioning of the rim of the basket and the backboard to put the visiting team at a disadvantage.
Because I donāt think thereās any way Draymond Green's free throw comes to rest on the rim unless the front of the rim is tilted up very significantly with respect to the back.
Dallas has already been fined $175K for sideline violations which could endanger players as well as having people in white shirts on the sidelines that Golden State could have and perhaps did mistake for members of their team, leading to turnovers ā and that was before a drink vendor to the Dallas team who was kneeling right next to the sideline tripped Steven Curry and brought him to his knees in a way that looked deliberate to me.
posted by jamjam at 10:34 PM on May 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Stephen Curry, that is. Wish I could blame that on spell correct!
posted by jamjam at 10:42 PM on May 24, 2022
posted by jamjam at 10:42 PM on May 24, 2022
drewbage1847, I had my gallbladder out 10 years ago, and life was so much better for me afterwards, so I'm going to trust it will be the same for you. Gallstones are no joke (stones in any internal organs suck!). My surgery was laparoscopic and while I was tender for a few days it was a relative piece of cake. Good luck, and good riddance to the little fiend. With our modern diet we don't really have a good use case for the blasted thing, anyway...
[Editing to add] My gallstones were likely from losing a lot of weight fairly quickly, like 75 pounds in a year. Apparently that is a thing.
posted by maxwelton at 11:06 PM on May 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
[Editing to add] My gallstones were likely from losing a lot of weight fairly quickly, like 75 pounds in a year. Apparently that is a thing.
posted by maxwelton at 11:06 PM on May 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
@jamjam, the last time I watched an NBA match was the year Toronto Raptors won the title. I don't watch the sport, but your comment is sure interesting.. "the game is afoot" sounds like you might have an entire thread to launch if you can corroborate your suspicions with evidence.
posted by elkevelvet at 7:21 AM on May 25, 2022
posted by elkevelvet at 7:21 AM on May 25, 2022
Max, thanks for the reassurance. Everything in my rational brain is like "you're fine, everything's good. your wife is more at risk being a teacher (last day with the kids today!)"
And oddly, I dropped ~110 lbs about 6 years ago. Put on an embarrassing and frustrating amount of it back on during the pandemic. Wonder if that's part of my problem - big weight loss followed by too much self comfort via food and drink.
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:07 AM on May 25, 2022
And oddly, I dropped ~110 lbs about 6 years ago. Put on an embarrassing and frustrating amount of it back on during the pandemic. Wonder if that's part of my problem - big weight loss followed by too much self comfort via food and drink.
posted by drewbage1847 at 8:07 AM on May 25, 2022
Hunga Tonga Volcano eruption was even bigger than we thought!
posted by Bee'sWing at 1:10 PM on May 25, 2022
posted by Bee'sWing at 1:10 PM on May 25, 2022
It is 6:26, no one has danced free in this thread for hours! I had to put my crockpot out in the back yard. It is too hot to smell food cooking inside for hours, yuk! I have developed a love for lemon freezes in the late afternoon. Trying to make them just right, not too sweet, just tart enough, with the slushy ice just barely committed to a cloud like softness. So today was the first hotness of the year but it still cools at night. After hotness, but less, tomorrow, it goes back to heavenly for nearly two weeks! Even some nights in the fifties. I dislike the hexagon silicon ice cube trays I bought, too hard to unpack. But they are what I got. I am going to finally make my popcicles, or paletas. depending on what I use. Ta ta!
posted by OyƩah at 6:34 PM on May 25, 2022
posted by OyƩah at 6:34 PM on May 25, 2022
mr hippybear made a green chile pork stew that was so spicy hot I nearly had to tap out. But I held strong (with the aid of a flour tortilla) and finally got through the heat into the delicious.
I'm hoping no holes are burned in my intestines overnight. I haven't had food that hot in a while, but it was cleansing. To say the least!
posted by hippybear at 6:46 PM on May 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
I'm hoping no holes are burned in my intestines overnight. I haven't had food that hot in a while, but it was cleansing. To say the least!
posted by hippybear at 6:46 PM on May 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Well, it is spicy pork stew with sweet cayenne pepper salsa, celery, tomatoes, pinto beans, cooking out back. On the same food wave length! The lemon freeze was divine.
posted by OyƩah at 7:33 PM on May 25, 2022
posted by OyƩah at 7:33 PM on May 25, 2022
Covid has me craving Tom Yum soup.
Always used to be my go to when I had flu.
Luckily my sense of taste and smell have not been affected but I probably shouldn't overdo it with spicy food as my stomach is feeling sorry for itself.
Just realised that the neighbour's twin grey cats have been getting into our roof. I saw a cat's shadow, and then spotted it ducking under the eaves. Sadly, I think they are hunting bats. I don't know what to do about it. Poor little bats.
posted by Zumbador at 2:42 AM on May 26, 2022
Always used to be my go to when I had flu.
Luckily my sense of taste and smell have not been affected but I probably shouldn't overdo it with spicy food as my stomach is feeling sorry for itself.
Just realised that the neighbour's twin grey cats have been getting into our roof. I saw a cat's shadow, and then spotted it ducking under the eaves. Sadly, I think they are hunting bats. I don't know what to do about it. Poor little bats.
posted by Zumbador at 2:42 AM on May 26, 2022
I've got a lot of shit to do today. But, instead of starting on it, I've spent the last twenty minutes trying to figure who I know among theater people who might be both plausible look-alikes and game, without pay, to make shot-for-shot remakes of classic film romance scenes except that everyone keeps their masks on the whole time. (Breakfast at Tiffany's, but with masks. Casablanca, but with masks. To Have and Have Not, but with masks.) I'm guessing this is a project that will never happen. But, if someone else wants to steal the idea and show it to me, that would be fantastic.
posted by eotvos at 4:55 AM on May 26, 2022
posted by eotvos at 4:55 AM on May 26, 2022
Thank you, everybody who has been talking about their gall bladders. Bunch of things just clicked into place for me. Will book an appointment with the doc and see about an ultrasound.
48kg down, 25 to go.
posted by flabdablet at 5:03 AM on May 26, 2022 [3 favorites]
48kg down, 25 to go.
posted by flabdablet at 5:03 AM on May 26, 2022 [3 favorites]
I like this map of weirdest town names in every U.S. state. Some towns have apparently been named by trolls, and some seem to be dire warnings, while others are just basically Not That Enthused. One, maybe three, or even four seem like they are probably also App names — or should be, and one seems to have been named by a mascara. Arizona wasn't sure if it was naming a town, or creating a motto for license plates, but Nevada is super on brand. I'd love to know the story of Booger Hole, but more than anything, I just want to meet Handsome Eddy — so handsome he had a whole town named after him. I mean. You're not finding Brad Pitt, Illinois, or George Clooney, Maine on this map, are you?
posted by taz at 6:19 AM on May 26, 2022
posted by taz at 6:19 AM on May 26, 2022
I am throwing myself into the community garden for a chunk of the weekend.
I live less than a half a block from it, and became a member largely because I wanted a place to just chill out. I've taken to dropping by a couple times a week in the evening after work; I take over any scraps for the compost pile, give my plot and the community herb garden a water, and then sometimes just sit, in the adirondack chair set back away from the entrance and surrounded by trees. I made a wind chime out of old keys during the initial Covid lockdown, and I've donated that to the garden (it was stuck in the closet in this new apartment, looking for a suitable home). Sometimes I bring a thermos of herb tea made from some of the herbs I've also got growing on my own home windowsill.
I'd been a little self-conscious about how many questions I was asking the Powers That Be and how eager I was, and the Chair recently told me that on the contrary, she appreciated my enthusiasm. She's going to be there doing some "beautification" work this Saturday and I'm going too, head full of plans to salvage all the loose containers and do something with them (I'm thinking a collection of herbs for herb teas, and the Chair already has a lead on some lavender for that). There's also talk of setting aside one of the plots to be a place to grow food for donation to the wider community.
At some point I'll probably also bake some cranberry bread to use up the HUGE bag of cranberries I got from my brother this Thanksgiving; he asked my nephew to pack the bag for me from what they harvested that year and the kid went a little nuts, and I had to freeze most of it. And maybe also make a chili with some of the vaquero beans that I got in the latest Rancho Gordo Bean Club box.
And I'll take shelter in all of that before trying to go back out and do what I can to fix the world.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:32 AM on May 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
I live less than a half a block from it, and became a member largely because I wanted a place to just chill out. I've taken to dropping by a couple times a week in the evening after work; I take over any scraps for the compost pile, give my plot and the community herb garden a water, and then sometimes just sit, in the adirondack chair set back away from the entrance and surrounded by trees. I made a wind chime out of old keys during the initial Covid lockdown, and I've donated that to the garden (it was stuck in the closet in this new apartment, looking for a suitable home). Sometimes I bring a thermos of herb tea made from some of the herbs I've also got growing on my own home windowsill.
I'd been a little self-conscious about how many questions I was asking the Powers That Be and how eager I was, and the Chair recently told me that on the contrary, she appreciated my enthusiasm. She's going to be there doing some "beautification" work this Saturday and I'm going too, head full of plans to salvage all the loose containers and do something with them (I'm thinking a collection of herbs for herb teas, and the Chair already has a lead on some lavender for that). There's also talk of setting aside one of the plots to be a place to grow food for donation to the wider community.
At some point I'll probably also bake some cranberry bread to use up the HUGE bag of cranberries I got from my brother this Thanksgiving; he asked my nephew to pack the bag for me from what they harvested that year and the kid went a little nuts, and I had to freeze most of it. And maybe also make a chili with some of the vaquero beans that I got in the latest Rancho Gordo Bean Club box.
And I'll take shelter in all of that before trying to go back out and do what I can to fix the world.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 8:32 AM on May 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
I am throwing myself into the community garden for a chunk of the weekend.
Well, just be sure to wear elbow and knee pads, and don't smoosh any plants...
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2022
Well, just be sure to wear elbow and knee pads, and don't smoosh any plants...
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:19 AM on May 26, 2022
I'd been a little self-conscious about how many questions I was asking the Powers That Be and how eager I was, and the Chair recently told me that on the contrary, she appreciated my enthusiasm.I fully thought you were speaking metaphorically about communing with God for a second there.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 10:32 AM on May 26
posted by Horkus at 9:29 AM on May 26, 2022
I fully thought you were speaking metaphorically about communing with God for a second there.
LOL - no, just another neighbor who was a newbie the year before last.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:34 AM on May 26, 2022
LOL - no, just another neighbor who was a newbie the year before last.
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 9:34 AM on May 26, 2022
There are thousands of jokes just waiting to be made about the departments in historical Taoism/Confucianism. I am sorely tempted; but, I suspect I would get it wrong in a way that would be offensive. Perhaps I already have. But, I *think* I know enough to behave properly while waiting in line when the time comes to meet the chair.
posted by eotvos at 11:48 AM on May 26, 2022
posted by eotvos at 11:48 AM on May 26, 2022
First there is a Chair
Then there is no Chair
Then there is
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:26 PM on May 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
Then there is no Chair
Then there is
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:26 PM on May 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
I'm....somewhat confused right now?
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:33 PM on May 26, 2022
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 12:33 PM on May 26, 2022
The more one uses the mind, the more confused one becomes.
I suggest visiting the Department of Petty Officials, EmpressCallipygos. They'll be able to tell you who to talk to to get an answer. (I've probably misremembered the actual name and am also doing *exactly* what I just said I would not do. I'm thinking specifically of a department at Dongyue Temple that I probably forgot the actual name of. FWIW, I make much uglier jokes about my parents' religion. Which may not be a great excuse.) I am also confused. I think that is good.
posted by eotvos at 1:31 PM on May 26, 2022
I suggest visiting the Department of Petty Officials, EmpressCallipygos. They'll be able to tell you who to talk to to get an answer. (I've probably misremembered the actual name and am also doing *exactly* what I just said I would not do. I'm thinking specifically of a department at Dongyue Temple that I probably forgot the actual name of. FWIW, I make much uglier jokes about my parents' religion. Which may not be a great excuse.) I am also confused. I think that is good.
posted by eotvos at 1:31 PM on May 26, 2022
(what I was referencing in my comment, in case that's the source of confusion)
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:29 PM on May 26, 2022
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:29 PM on May 26, 2022
Your Evita update: miraculously, the one lead who got it tested negative after five days, and the director and the girl who originally got it tested negative a day or two early. Today is the 10 day for virtually everyone else and I'm on pins and needles wondering if they are testing negative (I assume if any guys are testing positive, it's off), but for the moment, show is on for Saturday...albeit one girl has clearly come down with long Covid already and definitely is not in the shape to return :(
I'm kinda freaking out: I want to see people/at least say goodbye/finish this show properly, but at the same time, I'm kinda freaking about late catching it since at bare minimum I'm going to "have" to go without a mask onstage and hug people and generally be, y'know, breathing. (God, I wish they'd bring a county mandate back.) Technically I CAN wear one if I want and I have been going without because I'm the only one who wants to wear it and I don't want the audience to call and complain about me. But if it's the last night of the show, maybe I care less if they call to complain? I read this and it sounds like I should be safe/okay from the recently ill, but I'm also feeling paranoid AF too. I don't know how I ducked this bullet the first time.
In other news, businesses equivalent to mine (sister businesses, if you will, on the other end of the state) are now requiring people to mask up at them, which is making me go "why the hell isn't MINE doing it yet?" I looked at the statistics and we are officially worse for infections here now than the sister businesses' BIGGER cities. Come on, people.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:21 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
I'm kinda freaking out: I want to see people/at least say goodbye/finish this show properly, but at the same time, I'm kinda freaking about late catching it since at bare minimum I'm going to "have" to go without a mask onstage and hug people and generally be, y'know, breathing. (God, I wish they'd bring a county mandate back.) Technically I CAN wear one if I want and I have been going without because I'm the only one who wants to wear it and I don't want the audience to call and complain about me. But if it's the last night of the show, maybe I care less if they call to complain? I read this and it sounds like I should be safe/okay from the recently ill, but I'm also feeling paranoid AF too. I don't know how I ducked this bullet the first time.
In other news, businesses equivalent to mine (sister businesses, if you will, on the other end of the state) are now requiring people to mask up at them, which is making me go "why the hell isn't MINE doing it yet?" I looked at the statistics and we are officially worse for infections here now than the sister businesses' BIGGER cities. Come on, people.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:21 AM on May 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Last weekend I finished my second 5K (beat my previous time by almost 5 minutes) in under 50 minutes. So what did I do yesterday? Signed up for another one. I was supposed to do it last year, but hurt my knee and ended up doing the 1 mile fun run. Nice part is you get a coupon for free pierogies. Yummy.
posted by kathrynm at 9:57 AM on May 27, 2022
posted by kathrynm at 9:57 AM on May 27, 2022
Surgery update: I survived my attack by an angry octopus with four sharp straws. Nurse told me I needed to stop fighting the wooziness as I woke up. (I kept telling my brain to hurry up and wake up. Out loud. Sorry nurse, I dislike being out of it)
Today broth in bed.
Thanks yāall for the reassurance earlier this week.
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:24 AM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
Today broth in bed.
Thanks yāall for the reassurance earlier this week.
posted by drewbage1847 at 11:24 AM on May 27, 2022 [3 favorites]
1970 video done for os mutantes' ando meio desligado
posted by pyramid termite at 7:38 PM on May 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by pyramid termite at 7:38 PM on May 29, 2022 [1 favorite]
I LIVE IN A STUPID FUCKING PROVINCE.
posted by brachiopod at 8:38 PM on June 2, 2022
posted by brachiopod at 8:38 PM on June 2, 2022
« Older A sign of where things are going | What The Hell Happened To The LA Marathon? Newer »
This thread has been archived and is closed to new comments
The imagery is powerful; at 2:50 the song references the essential futility of "Christ upon the cross" and culminates in a pose that's unmistakable. The embrace and solidarity she and Nighy share at the end seems to say, in addition to dancing to set your own mind free, that working to help others through their own suffering can provide focus and direction in the midst of chaos.
Is this how it is?
Is this how it's always been?
To exist in the face of suffering and death
And somehow still keep singing
Oh like Christ up on a cross
Who died for us? Who died for what?
Oh, don't you wanna call it off?
But there's nothing else that I know how to do
But to open up my arms and give it all to you
Behind the scenes footage here (with lovely acoustic version of the song as accompaniment)
posted by I_Love_Bananas at 4:07 AM on May 23, 2022 [3 favorites]