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August 1, 2022 2:35 PM   Subscribe

As a publicity stunt, Fancy Feast will be opening (and closing) the Gato Bianco Trattoria in New York City for two days and serving food “prepared in ways that help cat owners understand how their cats experience food — from flavor, to texture, to form — in a way that only Fancy Feast can.”
posted by Going To Maine (26 comments total) 5 users marked this as a favorite
 
The recipes
posted by Going To Maine at 2:37 PM on August 1


Dennis Lee did this earlier in Food is Stupid. Includes the spectacular paragraph:
Cream of Mushroom soup is one of the most versatile foods known to man. You can use it to create nearly any casserole you want, and there’s no limit to its true power. Just know that when you hold onto a can of this stuff, you wield one of America’s great mother sauces.
posted by fifteen schnitzengruben is my limit at 2:44 PM on August 1 [10 favorites]




A Nestlé subsidiary, you say? Are they still killing babies by pushing infant formula in the developing world, or is it just privatising water now?

(I have avoided Nestlé products for decades, because they seem to be one of the less ethical companies in a broad field, and everything I've heard about them has confirmed this.)
posted by acb at 3:45 PM on August 1 [11 favorites]


okay, you unhinged bastards, i'm in
posted by Kitteh at 3:56 PM on August 1 [4 favorites]




Calling bullshit. If they wanted to provide an authentic window into how cats experience food, they'd be serving partially masticated sparrow au jus, with a side of your own hair
posted by phooky at 4:06 PM on August 1 [6 favorites]


the "limited time, Italian style trattoria" will celebrate the release of

Are there trattorie that aren't Italian?
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 4:06 PM on August 1 [1 favorite]


And on the subject of unhinged NYC-based food marketing stunts, next week you can sign up to let Captain Crunch ferry you to work, because why the fuck not
posted by phooky at 4:12 PM on August 1 [11 favorites]


Not even a good stunt. I thought from the description that maybe they were serving actual (but human-safe) facsimiles of their cat food products. They'd still for sure sell all the available bookings, so no real risk to their venture.
posted by dg at 5:15 PM on August 1


I'm not going to lie about this, but I may actually put aside my principles about late stage capitalism and Nestle to to watch a whole restaurant full of cats being served really fancy dinners, but if I may defend myself it's about a 50% mix between wanting to watch some really fine fuckin' good looking kitties right there being spoiled and the sheer unhinged pandemonium of trying to get a whole restaurant full of cats to eat any kind of dinner at the same time.

Because if you speak cat - and I do - this would be better than four dozen finicky, moody Gordon Ramseys in a box and all criticizing the same restaurant at the same time.

Just kidding, fuck Nestle. If I wanted to watch a cat criticize my cooking there's one right here that will happily fuck my shit up even though I'm trying to spoil them.
posted by loquacious at 5:50 PM on August 1 [17 favorites]


Chocolate is poisonous to cats! And so is lemon!

If they really wanted to do this right they would have made desserts that cats could actually eat.

Cats can eat blueberries, cranberries, bananas and apples. It's not like there were zero cat-safe dessert flavor options.
posted by BlueJae at 5:50 PM on August 1 [6 favorites]


Given the persistent shortages of Fancy Feast, I wish the company was focusing its efforts on resolving whatever supply chain or production issues are causing the empty supermarket shelves in the canned cat food section. Our Rupert, who refuses other brands, says please and thank you.
posted by carmicha at 6:14 PM on August 1 [5 favorites]


Not even a good stunt. I thought from the description that maybe they were serving actual (but human-safe) facsimiles of their cat food products.

Wet cat food is made from human grade ingredients.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:21 PM on August 1 [1 favorite]


Flavor-meow-n meetup anyone?....

Well, this crazy old cat lady isn't rushing to pre-experience the phase of life where I'll be stuck eating canned cat food. Shoot; the way prices for pet food is increasing, I will not even be able to afford the cat food by then.
posted by mightshould at 6:37 PM on August 1 [1 favorite]


“WET CAT FOOD IS PEOPLE!!!”
posted by Windopaene at 6:47 PM on August 1 [3 favorites]


[a Gary Larson dog with a sign saying 'CAT FUD' is hiding behind the trattoria counter, saying to itself 'please oh please']
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 7:01 PM on August 1 [15 favorites]


"please purée apple"

-cat

posted by clavdivs at 7:08 PM on August 1 [1 favorite]


Ok, so after being seated I will ignore the expensive prescription food that smells just like chicken soup, and then I'll mope around the kitchen until someone throws me pieces of shrimp or chicken pot pie crusts. I'll munch on Kentucky bluegrass until I puke, which will be about a minute. And then somebody better make me cookies.
posted by credulous at 7:09 PM on August 1 [11 favorites]


I'll deign to lick at the plate until I've made a small dimple in the top of the food. Then do the same with the plate of my dinner companion. Then steal a peice of cheese the size of my fist from the kitchen counter and gulp it down in a corner.
posted by joeyh at 8:17 PM on August 1 [14 favorites]


I'm not going to lie about this, but I may actually put aside my principles about late stage capitalism and Nestle to to watch a whole restaurant full of cats being served really fancy dinners, but if I may defend myself it's about a 50% mix between wanting to watch some really fine fuckin' good looking kitties right there being spoiled and the sheer unhinged pandemonium of trying to get a whole restaurant full of cats to eat any kind of dinner at the same time.

You'll need to wait for another event, then, because the headline for this one is:

Fancy Feast Will Serve Humans Cat Food-Inspired Dishes at an Exclusive NYC Pop-up Restaurant
posted by escape from the potato planet at 3:44 AM on August 2


Needs a couple folks to go in and eat up the dry eat dishes so fast that when the food encounters fluids in their stomach and expands, it exceeds their stomach capacity and they puke it right back up. If we’re going for the full cat experience, that is.
posted by eviemath at 5:44 AM on August 2 [4 favorites]


(Previously, and the Twitter thread.)
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:00 AM on August 2


Wet cat food is made from human grade ingredients.

Obligatory Metafilter Music link
posted by Mayor West at 6:47 AM on August 2


I have eaten cat food on several occasions, out of curiosity. It's. . . really dull. I cannot imagine this being a good idea if they do it with integrity.
posted by eotvos at 7:58 AM on August 2 [3 favorites]


despite some very vigilant attempts, Herbert was not able to maintain possession of the tiny baby mouse he found in my house yesterday. I was really hoping he would manage to eat (or at least kill it, sorry) instead of letting it escape under the couch...
posted by supermedusa at 8:45 AM on August 2


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