What a Strategy! Let's hope that it pays off in end...

August 8, 2022 12:08 PM

Excel Esports: All Star Battle is on ESPN2. The battle streamed live this past May 24, but don't fret. You have not missed your chance to shine in the arena of spreadsheet battle. Courtesy of the FMWC - Financial Modeling and Excel Competitions, the 2022 Open is still accepting new competitors up until August 12: A Chance to Prove Your Excel Mastery …Or Just Learn Some More Excel.
posted by ursus_comiter (19 comments total)

As someone writing code which ships inside Excel, I don't know whether to be proud or embarrassed.
posted by Slothrup at 12:17 PM on August 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

Kevin Purdy recaps at Ars Technica (spoilers?): Excel esports on ESPN show world the pain of format errors
posted by ectabo at 12:27 PM on August 8, 2022

Sometimes I worry that the human need to turn everything into a competition is ultimately destructive to our ability to be create art or have human experiences that we're not trying to min/max.

Not today, though.
posted by jacquilynne at 12:37 PM on August 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

I wonder if they'll get hustled by a bioinformatician who has had to quietly repair spreadsheets on a deadline for years.
posted by They sucked his brains out! at 12:39 PM on August 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

Excel on ESPN2?!

Some marketroid is getting desperate. Bottom of the barrel desperate.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 12:39 PM on August 8, 2022

Some marketroid is getting desperate. Bottom of the barrel desperate.

or genius, I'm sitting here watching randos do competitive Excel
posted by Dr. Twist at 1:01 PM on August 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

Some marketroid is getting desperate. Bottom of the barrel desperate.

I guarantee that the amount of money that goes through Excel spreadsheet logic in this world every day absolutely dwarfs the amount of money gambled on any sport that same day.
posted by mhoye at 1:12 PM on August 8, 2022 [7 favorites]

That Ice Cube basketball league is bottom of the barrel. This, this is something I'd rather watch than the XFL draft or "Back to Tokyo!" Olympics reruns, so in that way it's marketing (probably more producer-y) genius: expanding their viewership.
posted by rhizome at 1:20 PM on August 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

I guess my naming suggestion of Completely Untraceable, Unrepairable, and Unauditable Data Shitstorm Olympics didn’t make the cut.

My other suggestion was the Why We Cannot Have Nice Things Innovation Expo.
posted by Skrubly at 1:52 PM on August 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

I dunno, I bet you could get pretty decent viewership numbers if you knew how to market to your audience.

Tonight on ESPN8: The Ocho: Excel Esports

Can newcomer Colin Bycol unseat three-time champion and macro-wunderkind Stephen "Pivot" Table? Bycol has come here to kick ass and parse ISO-8601 dates, and he's all out of timestamps.

No formal training.
No data types.
No source control.
No mercy.
posted by Mayor West at 2:18 PM on August 8, 2022 [10 favorites]

I'm impressed the color commentators are able to actually talk about something the entire time.
posted by geoff. at 2:45 PM on August 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Also 50 years from now will we have to explain to children that professional Excel players had to keep a day job because they didn't make enough playing Excel?
posted by geoff. at 2:47 PM on August 8, 2022 [5 favorites]

Stephen "Pivot" Table

Any relation to little Bobby?
posted by bendy at 3:13 PM on August 8, 2022 [9 favorites]

"There's some ruckus over eligibility, apparently he's in the senior category on the Excel '97 date format but in the office drone adult pool 2003 dates."
posted by k3ninho at 4:15 PM on August 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

You Suck at Excel with Joel Spolsky is something i have to revisit so I will share it here, too.
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 4:42 PM on August 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

Oh, man, this is hilarious. I love it.

(I generally become tangled up and angry at about the 5 minute mark when making a foray into Excel. I then close the program and retreat and regroup for the next 1-3 years.)
posted by Don.Kinsayder at 5:13 PM on August 8, 2022

I'm just waiting for the Vangelis soundtrack.
posted by PlusDistance at 6:59 PM on August 8, 2022

That was more entertaining than it should have been. Thank you!
posted by bruinfan at 2:20 PM on August 9, 2022

I thought this was just satire MAKRO | Microsoft Excel Stream Highlights 3/19
posted by gryftir at 5:13 AM on August 10, 2022