Matter of fact it's all shark
August 25, 2022 4:20 PM Subscribe
Shark Side of the Moon (2022). Shark Side of the Moon (2022).
Just want everyone to know that we live in the year of Shark Side of the Moon. That is all.
Bonus: Charque Side of the Moon.
Just want everyone to know that we live in the year of Shark Side of the Moon. That is all.
Bonus: Charque Side of the Moon.
Get these motherfucking sharks off this motherfucking planet orbiting celestial body!
posted by thatwhichfalls at 4:46 PM on August 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 4:46 PM on August 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
Careful With Those Teeth, Eugene
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:53 PM on August 25, 2022 [20 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:53 PM on August 25, 2022 [20 favorites]
Golden age of television, folks.
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:55 PM on August 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 4:55 PM on August 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
One of these days I'm going to chomp you into little pieces!
posted by thatwhichfalls at 4:55 PM on August 25, 2022 [17 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 4:55 PM on August 25, 2022 [17 favorites]
Several Species of Sleek Finny Animals Gathered Together In a Cove and Grooving With a Seal
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:56 PM on August 25, 2022 [28 favorites]
posted by Greg_Ace at 4:56 PM on August 25, 2022 [28 favorites]
This is a thing I feel my life is somehow lessened by knowing about. I'll send swift my therapist bill.
posted by hippybear at 4:58 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 4:58 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
Get your filthy fins off my desert!
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:03 PM on August 25, 2022
posted by thatwhichfalls at 5:03 PM on August 25, 2022
I’m gonna plant my freak flag in the pockmarked surface of the moon and proclaim Tubi to be the best streaming service going right now*. With Prime and Netflix, my watchlist shows maybe 40, 50 films. Tubi has hundreds of flicks I want to watch. Granted, 95% of them are absolute trash, but not everybody got an invite to CG back when they were accepting drawings and honestly, I fucking love trash. Now that they’re making “originals” I hope they don’t turn their back on the grimy grindhouse catalogue that got them there.
*Last I checked you still can’t pay them to remove in-film ads, and they seem to have figured out a way to defeat the ad blocker I had that reduced the commercials to a blip. Other than these interruptions, it’s a brilliant little service that I hope to see keep growing.
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 5:03 PM on August 25, 2022 [6 favorites]
*Last I checked you still can’t pay them to remove in-film ads, and they seem to have figured out a way to defeat the ad blocker I had that reduced the commercials to a blip. Other than these interruptions, it’s a brilliant little service that I hope to see keep growing.
posted by Ten Cold Hot Dogs at 5:03 PM on August 25, 2022 [6 favorites]
They found water on the moon, so this seems plausible.
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 5:12 PM on August 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by ChurchHatesTucker at 5:12 PM on August 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
Not to threadsit, but it's come to my attention that charque is one spelling of Ch'arki, which is a kind of South American jerky, pronounced kind of like "sharky" I guess, and as such doesn't really rhyme all that well with "shark". I sort of hoped Charque was an obscure genre of music, pronounced a bit like "Chartres", but it's just the name of this one band, which is as I said named after jerky.
posted by swift at 5:15 PM on August 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by swift at 5:15 PM on August 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
I hope it ends with the protagonists being forced to question whether they were the real half-human, half-shark creatures all along.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:45 PM on August 25, 2022
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:45 PM on August 25, 2022
The real half-human, half-shark creatures were the friends we made along the way.
posted by hippybear at 5:53 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 5:53 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
i've got a shark, it will bite you in the dark
it's got a dorsal, teeth surplusage
and cartilage to make it swim good
i'd introduce you if i could, but it's on the moon
you're the kind of fish that fits in with my wish
i'll fly you anyplace, even space if there's a moon base
posted by glonous keming at 6:00 PM on August 25, 2022 [11 favorites]
it's got a dorsal, teeth surplusage
and cartilage to make it swim good
i'd introduce you if i could, but it's on the moon
you're the kind of fish that fits in with my wish
i'll fly you anyplace, even space if there's a moon base
posted by glonous keming at 6:00 PM on August 25, 2022 [11 favorites]
And Sharkey says, "Hey, kemosabe! Long time no see!
He says, "Hey sport! You connect the dots. You pick up the pieces."
posted by Nerd of the North at 6:32 PM on August 25, 2022 [9 favorites]
He says, "Hey sport! You connect the dots. You pick up the pieces."
posted by Nerd of the North at 6:32 PM on August 25, 2022 [9 favorites]
I was 100% expecting a Baby Shark / Dark Side of the Moon mashup.
(to the tune of "Breathe")
Baby
Baby sha-ark
posted by saturday_morning at 6:34 PM on August 25, 2022 [10 favorites]
(to the tune of "Breathe")
Baby
Baby sha-ark
posted by saturday_morning at 6:34 PM on August 25, 2022 [10 favorites]
I can’t believe they didn’t go with “one giant bite of mankind” for the tagline
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:18 PM on August 25, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by Jon_Evil at 7:18 PM on August 25, 2022 [10 favorites]
One imagines that there is some eventual bottom to this trend, some lowest point, some ... Shark-Nadir?
(I had to go with that one, since I couldn't think of good enough verses for Gil Scott-Heron's Great Whitey's On the Moon.)
posted by bartleby at 7:23 PM on August 25, 2022 [12 favorites]
(I had to go with that one, since I couldn't think of good enough verses for Gil Scott-Heron's Great Whitey's On the Moon.)
posted by bartleby at 7:23 PM on August 25, 2022 [12 favorites]
One imagines that there is some eventual bottom to this trend
Sadly neither Dom DeLuise nor Howard Hesseman are still with us...
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:35 PM on August 25, 2022
Sadly neither Dom DeLuise nor Howard Hesseman are still with us...
posted by RonButNotStupid at 7:35 PM on August 25, 2022
Completely different film, but a friend of mine was involved in Shark Exorcist.
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:54 PM on August 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by CheeseDigestsAll at 7:54 PM on August 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
This seems very in line with tubi content, and I'm glad they are making originals.
Tubi has a ton of Godzilla movies too if you want other monsters.
posted by jonbro at 8:01 PM on August 25, 2022
Tubi has a ton of Godzilla movies too if you want other monsters.
posted by jonbro at 8:01 PM on August 25, 2022
Sigh. This is why we can have nice things.
Counterpoint: 2022's shark movies are a necessary societal reaction to the discontinuation of Ikea's BLÅHAJ. I've got a queued up SCP writing prompt here arguing that sharks exist in both the physical and psychic planes, that the concept of 'shark' is a real thing that demands a regular tithe of psychic energy that the SCP Foundation, with Ikea's unwitting help, had been steadily managing through the childhood love and adult affection for Ikea's stuffed toy, and their discontinuation after an unfortunate miscommunication with the Ikea administrative apparatus - that also transcends the physical - has forced a rapid deployment of alternative means of widely-visible, shark-centric cognitive burden, of which this is a significant part.
Real counterpoint: This is a good, maybe important thing.
We can put literally anything on a screen now, tell any story. We can bring any image we can imagine to life, and... how many of the movies released this year are, for lack of a better term, expected? How many of them are sequels, or remakes, or inoffensive romcoms or paint by numbers grizzled-dude-shoots-other-dudes movies or or or or.
The first movie that featured a train driving towards the camera, I've heard, had people in the audience panicked, yelling and running for the exits, thinking they were diving out of the way. They were completely unprepared for it; terrified, with nothing in their experience that might contextualize what they were seeing and give them a framework for understanding it and reacting sensibly.
Put differently: early moving pictures presented an Outside Context Problem to their audience in a way that audience could confront with minimal risk.
I like movies like this. Not just because they're ridiculous, because they are, but because they remind us that our imaginations are not just infinite, but a place we can model, test and train for an infinite number of possible if unexpected futures.
This is nonsense, for sure. It's ridiculous, it's stupid. But we've got a lot of ridiculous, stupid nonsense coming at us. Our future is rolling up hard right now, belching smoke and heavy, and we're all tied to the same tracks in front of the same train that sent the audience of that early film diving out of the way and scurrying for the exits, and we could stand to spend a few hours of our lives watching videos that look silly and ridiculous and dumb and weird and growing from it. If only so that maybe if anything even vaguely adjacent to that happens we'll be able to stay chilly, stay steady, be ready and know what to do next.
I haven't watched it yet, but I'm looking forward it.
posted by mhoye at 8:17 PM on August 25, 2022 [8 favorites]
Counterpoint: 2022's shark movies are a necessary societal reaction to the discontinuation of Ikea's BLÅHAJ. I've got a queued up SCP writing prompt here arguing that sharks exist in both the physical and psychic planes, that the concept of 'shark' is a real thing that demands a regular tithe of psychic energy that the SCP Foundation, with Ikea's unwitting help, had been steadily managing through the childhood love and adult affection for Ikea's stuffed toy, and their discontinuation after an unfortunate miscommunication with the Ikea administrative apparatus - that also transcends the physical - has forced a rapid deployment of alternative means of widely-visible, shark-centric cognitive burden, of which this is a significant part.
Real counterpoint: This is a good, maybe important thing.
We can put literally anything on a screen now, tell any story. We can bring any image we can imagine to life, and... how many of the movies released this year are, for lack of a better term, expected? How many of them are sequels, or remakes, or inoffensive romcoms or paint by numbers grizzled-dude-shoots-other-dudes movies or or or or.
The first movie that featured a train driving towards the camera, I've heard, had people in the audience panicked, yelling and running for the exits, thinking they were diving out of the way. They were completely unprepared for it; terrified, with nothing in their experience that might contextualize what they were seeing and give them a framework for understanding it and reacting sensibly.
Put differently: early moving pictures presented an Outside Context Problem to their audience in a way that audience could confront with minimal risk.
I like movies like this. Not just because they're ridiculous, because they are, but because they remind us that our imaginations are not just infinite, but a place we can model, test and train for an infinite number of possible if unexpected futures.
This is nonsense, for sure. It's ridiculous, it's stupid. But we've got a lot of ridiculous, stupid nonsense coming at us. Our future is rolling up hard right now, belching smoke and heavy, and we're all tied to the same tracks in front of the same train that sent the audience of that early film diving out of the way and scurrying for the exits, and we could stand to spend a few hours of our lives watching videos that look silly and ridiculous and dumb and weird and growing from it. If only so that maybe if anything even vaguely adjacent to that happens we'll be able to stay chilly, stay steady, be ready and know what to do next.
I haven't watched it yet, but I'm looking forward it.
posted by mhoye at 8:17 PM on August 25, 2022 [8 favorites]
our imaginations are not just infinite, but a place we can model, test and train for an infinite number of possible if unexpected futures
mhoye, I'd be interested to get your take on Sharktopus vs Whalewolf and will be subscribing to your newsletter
posted by bartleby at 8:30 PM on August 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
mhoye, I'd be interested to get your take on Sharktopus vs Whalewolf and will be subscribing to your newsletter
posted by bartleby at 8:30 PM on August 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
After the success of the Sharknado films, I had hopes for a cinematic universe of (dangerous animal) + (natural disaster) films; perhaps I should go to Tubi with my pitches for Bearricane and Tigerflood.
posted by nubs at 9:28 PM on August 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by nubs at 9:28 PM on August 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
Sorry, my head just exploded with dark foreboding.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:47 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by kirkaracha at 9:47 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
I can't decide between Mountain Lionslide, Cougarquake!, or Pumalanche
posted by bartleby at 9:57 PM on August 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by bartleby at 9:57 PM on August 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
I haven't watched the links yet but the phrase "Shark side of the moon" is incredibly satisfying.
🌙🦈🌙🦈🌙🦈🌙
sharp side of the moon
shark side of the mood
sharp side of the mood
I used to have a vet who referred to the sharp and blunt sides of my dog. "You hold the sharp side..."
dog side of the moon
🌕🐕🌕🐕🌕
posted by Zumbador at 10:03 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
🌙🦈🌙🦈🌙🦈🌙
sharp side of the moon
shark side of the mood
sharp side of the mood
I used to have a vet who referred to the sharp and blunt sides of my dog. "You hold the sharp side..."
dog side of the moon
🌕🐕🌕🐕🌕
posted by Zumbador at 10:03 PM on August 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
My university offered me a job as an invigilator. That's just the guy who watches exams to make sure no-one cheats. Actually a super dull job. But the title!
Rainier Wolfcastle is...
THE INVIGILATOR
Maybe there's a hostage situation, or he busts the crimelord's son for cheating. Whatever it is, there has to be a scene where he kills the boss with a 2b pencil somehow, and says 'PENCILS DOWN MOTHERFUCKER'
posted by adept256 at 11:07 PM on August 25, 2022 [14 favorites]
Rainier Wolfcastle is...
THE INVIGILATOR
Maybe there's a hostage situation, or he busts the crimelord's son for cheating. Whatever it is, there has to be a scene where he kills the boss with a 2b pencil somehow, and says 'PENCILS DOWN MOTHERFUCKER'
posted by adept256 at 11:07 PM on August 25, 2022 [14 favorites]
Interaquatic Overswim
posted by fairmettle at 2:54 AM on August 26, 2022
posted by fairmettle at 2:54 AM on August 26, 2022
Not to threadsit, but it's come to my attention that charque is one spelling of Ch'arki, which is a kind of South American jerky, pronounced kind of like "sharky" I guess, and as such doesn't really rhyme all that well with "shark". I sort of hoped Charque was an obscure genre of music, pronounced a bit like "Chartres", but it's just the name of this one band, which is as I said named after jerky.
Hey, this is pretty good! Esteemed website Toilet Ov Hell gives some background:
In 2007, several musicians based in Belém, Brasil joined a project helmed by Félix Robatto (ex-La Pupuña) and producer Fabrício Jomar. The goal was to reproduce what is arguably the best album in Pink Floyd’s catalogue – The Dark Side Of The Moon – while giving it a distinctly paraense flavor. After 45 days of intense work, including 15 guest artists and the spending of the hefty sum of $170, The Charque Side Of The Moon was born. In Belém, charque is not only a very popular type of beef jerky, commonly consumed with açaí and farinha as sides; it is also an affectionate nickname for the female genitalia. Hence the name and the NSFW cover art of the project.
The linked video doesn't seem to contain said cover art, which I leave to the Googling of the reader to find themselves.
posted by Theiform at 3:49 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
Hey, this is pretty good! Esteemed website Toilet Ov Hell gives some background:
In 2007, several musicians based in Belém, Brasil joined a project helmed by Félix Robatto (ex-La Pupuña) and producer Fabrício Jomar. The goal was to reproduce what is arguably the best album in Pink Floyd’s catalogue – The Dark Side Of The Moon – while giving it a distinctly paraense flavor. After 45 days of intense work, including 15 guest artists and the spending of the hefty sum of $170, The Charque Side Of The Moon was born. In Belém, charque is not only a very popular type of beef jerky, commonly consumed with açaí and farinha as sides; it is also an affectionate nickname for the female genitalia. Hence the name and the NSFW cover art of the project.
The linked video doesn't seem to contain said cover art, which I leave to the Googling of the reader to find themselves.
posted by Theiform at 3:49 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
I can't decide between Mountain Lionslide, Cougarquake!, or Pumalanche
I mean, Cougarquake! already gives you the title for its own porn parody
posted by nubs at 4:27 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
I mean, Cougarquake! already gives you the title for its own porn parody
posted by nubs at 4:27 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
"Yes, we do have a moon base, and yes, we are currently experiencing some bear problems."
posted by BungaDunga at 6:57 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by BungaDunga at 6:57 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
Shine on you crazy shark film.
posted by interogative mood at 7:27 AM on August 26, 2022
posted by interogative mood at 7:27 AM on August 26, 2022
I can't decide between Mountain Lionslide, Cougarquake!, or Pumalanche
Quokkalanche
Macawstrophe
Nutriacano
WallaBees
The Capybaric Warhead
Vampire Wombat Derecho
Chipmunkeypoxicane
Marmotquake
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:35 AM on August 26, 2022 [5 favorites]
Quokkalanche
Macawstrophe
Nutriacano
WallaBees
The Capybaric Warhead
Vampire Wombat Derecho
Chipmunkeypoxicane
Marmotquake
posted by GCU Sweet and Full of Grace at 7:35 AM on August 26, 2022 [5 favorites]
Snailstorm.
posted by moonmilk at 8:12 AM on August 26, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by moonmilk at 8:12 AM on August 26, 2022 [4 favorites]
I wanted a Pink Floyd cover with actual sharks involved, like maybe the lyrics. Or more surf guitar.
posted by Quasirandom at 8:32 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by Quasirandom at 8:32 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
Several Species of Sleek Finny Animals Gathered Together In a Cove and Grooving With a Seal
Maybe "Making Grooves In a Seal" would be more appropriate.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:56 AM on August 26, 2022
Maybe "Making Grooves In a Seal" would be more appropriate.
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:56 AM on August 26, 2022
I wanted a Pink Floyd cover with actual sharks involved
Will this suffice?
posted by kirkaracha at 8:57 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
Will this suffice?
posted by kirkaracha at 8:57 AM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
They found water on the moon, so this seems plausible.
posted by y2karl at 10:02 AM on August 26, 2022
posted by y2karl at 10:02 AM on August 26, 2022
As I was watching the trailer, I thought to myself, "Wait, is this the same music used for the trailer to Perverts of Mars?"
(The answer is no, but the two cues are very, very similar.)
posted by infinitewindow at 11:19 AM on August 26, 2022
(The answer is no, but the two cues are very, very similar.)
posted by infinitewindow at 11:19 AM on August 26, 2022
Last year I wrote a short story that started:
posted by boisterousBluebird at 2:31 PM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
This is the way the world ends: not with a bang, but with a kind of soft, crunching sound as we are eaten alive by our own hubris.So you’re welcome for speaking (/writing) this into the world.
Well, hubris and giant, genetically-engineered sharks with legs.
posted by boisterousBluebird at 2:31 PM on August 26, 2022 [1 favorite]
I can't decide between Mountain Lionslide, Cougarquake!, or Pumalanche
If it's anything like Shatnerquake, I'm in.
posted by xedrik at 7:14 AM on August 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
If it's anything like Shatnerquake, I'm in.
posted by xedrik at 7:14 AM on August 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Completely different film, but a friend of mine was involved in Shark Exorcist.
Have they apologized?
posted by delfin at 7:51 AM on August 27, 2022
Have they apologized?
posted by delfin at 7:51 AM on August 27, 2022
A tubi original!
posted by Going To Maine at 9:18 AM on August 27, 2022
posted by Going To Maine at 9:18 AM on August 27, 2022
Matter of fact, it's all snark.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:59 AM on August 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by kirkaracha at 9:59 AM on August 27, 2022 [1 favorite]
Wake me when they finish Budgerigarmegeddon.
posted by Devoidoid at 11:25 AM on August 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Devoidoid at 11:25 AM on August 29, 2022 [4 favorites]
Completely different film, but a friend of mine was involved in Shark Exorcist.
I assume this is one of the Werner Herzog documentaries I haven't seen yet.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 3:46 PM on August 30, 2022
I assume this is one of the Werner Herzog documentaries I haven't seen yet.
posted by thatwhichfalls at 3:46 PM on August 30, 2022
"The shark, it is the embodiment of the pain and violence that underlies our reality. How could one exorcise the shark when it is the entire world that needs to be cleansed?"
posted by thatwhichfalls at 3:50 PM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by thatwhichfalls at 3:50 PM on August 30, 2022 [2 favorites]
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