Cindy Gallop is not a relationship person, and can't wait to die alone
September 20, 2022 5:11 PM   Subscribe

Cindy Gallop discusses her website Make Love Not Porn and her aversion to marriage and relationships Cindy Gallop, age 60, discusses her sex life, her aversion to relationships and marriage pressure, and her website, Make Love Not Porn (NSFW-ish)
posted by bearette (7 comments total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
I didn't get the sense that she was condemning anyone else's choices- she talks about her parents' loving relationship . She was just saying that for her, she absolutely does not want a relationship ever which is really refreshing to me when you almost never hear that being expressed even as an option for women. She's allowed to be absolute about her own choices.

I also struggle to see how the sex is exploitative. The younger men are approaching her on dating sites, and both are looking for the same thing- sex. Therefore there's no need to use power to coerce. If there's objectification, it surely goes both ways. I've had much younger men approach me on dating sites and they're usually looking for someone older to have sex with so they can be assured of not having expectations of a "real" relationship.

As far as porn, most mainstream hetero porn is not geared toward women and in fact looks demeaning, and imitates sexual assault to me. Her site technically is porn as well, just a different approach.
posted by bearette at 9:02 PM on September 20 [6 favorites]

I worry this whole thread will be deleted, but I was looking forward to seeing the discourse about Gallop and MLNP.

For the record, smogasbord, I thought your comment was valid and thoughtful and - though I don't relate directly - I have also had a series of conflicting thoughts about Cindy Gallop over the years (as someone who has worked on the backend side of multiple mainstream adult sites, and even niche / alt ones with similar visions to MLNP) and I don't think your comment was at all unreasonable, and I agree that she does tend to speak in absolutes a bit more aggressively than one generally should in that space.
posted by revmitcz at 1:09 AM on September 21 [3 favorites]

Hi, I never intended to invalidate anyone's opinion! I thought I was just engaging in an interesting discussion. Nor does anyone need to "defend" themselves to me. I wasn't familiar to Gallup prior to this video and was just basing my thoughts on that. Perhaps my comment had a different vibe somehow?

Don't want anyone to be uncomfortable so am in support of deletion of a comment or the whole thread, I guess, if that's what's best of course. A little disappointing though.
posted by bearette at 2:23 AM on September 21 [4 favorites]

I very much enjoyed both smorgasbord's and bearette's comments, and think they're both extremely thoughtful and interesting. As a single-by-accident and childless-by-choice person, I would like to continue to see thoughtful and interesting discussion on this thread!
posted by cnidaria at 7:26 AM on September 21 [10 favorites]

I had not heard of Gallop before. That video was amazing. I can’t honestly disagree with her on anything, but especially on her views of commercial internet porn and how it has become defacto sex education. I found her wonderfully fresh and she raises a lot of important questions about human sexuality.
posted by Thorzdad at 7:33 AM on September 21

I am also a bit frustrated at how little Gallop-as-the-writer/thinker has adapted to the new realities of porn production. They feel trapped in the idea of blonde with big fake breasts beside a swimming pool, as made by a studio. Meanwhile, one of the current challenges outside of FOSTA/SESTA is aggressive market preferences for "authenticity", combined with the voracious demand for content.

Thus part of the growth of OF is amateur porn gone professional.

It feels that she never got past the point when you see the mainstream isn't meeting your needs and define yourself in radical opposition to all that. Which I empathise with greatly- I follow her on twitter and still think she is trying to do something valuable.

But I had to assess my own binary thinking pretty strictly, over the last decade, as another horny rebel. And although it doesn't make as good marketing as tossing everything you don't like into the "porn" box, I realized that it tended to lead to whorephobia and nlog (not like other girls) style pseudo-feminism on my part. A rejection of all of whatever *that* was (that I didn't like) didn't dive deep enough into the artistic choices of the creators in good faith.
posted by Phalene at 7:38 AM on September 21 [5 favorites]

Mod note: A few comments deleted (by request of commenter). The thread doesn't need to be deleted, let's just try and re-engage with the discussion in a productive way.
posted by travelingthyme (staff) at 6:59 PM on September 21

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