It's Not Christmas Yet!
November 23, 2022 9:45 AM   Subscribe

The 9 best Thanksgiving songs I definitely didn't just make up by Alexandra Petri at The Washington Post, with composer Jack Mitchell.

Archive Link. (The main link worked fine for me, without a subscription, but including this anyway just in case - see SoundCloud to hear the songs.) SoundCloud link to the playlist.

Top 9:
9. “Pardon Me (Lament),” from “Les Turquies”
8. “Draw a Hand Turkey!” by The Gobblers
7. “Pumpkin Spice,” by Unknown (Corporate)
6. “It’s Not Christmas Yet!” by Scaly Dave from “This Is Not A Christmas Album”
5. “Uncle John’s Had One Too Many Cocktails,” by the Uncle John Singers
4. “Terminal B,” from the musical “Princess of LaGuardia”
3. “Uncle John’s Had Three Too Many Cocktails,” by the Uncle John Singers
2. “1-800 Butterball (Counter Space Oddity),” by David Buoy
1. “Gourds,” from the musical “Gourds”

Alexandra Petri previously on the blue.
posted by the primroses were over (9 comments total) 13 users marked this as a favorite
These are pretty darn hilarious, as a composer and lover of snark I award a solid A- grade, could have used more cheesy modulations but maybe that's asking too much for one-minute songs composed in less than a week.
posted by daisystomper at 10:20 AM on November 23

For people who can't access Washington Post and have trouble with archive sistes, Bypass Paywalls Clean is an open source browser extension for Mozilla Firefox, Google Chrome and other Chromium-based web browsers that loads paywalled articles once installed.

Firefox Version

Chrome Version
posted by The Pluto Gangsta at 11:26 AM on November 23 [1 favorite]

Those were so good I wish I had full on recordings of them I could download and add to my Christmas collection. Alexandra Petri is a genius, as ever.
posted by jenfullmoon at 1:03 PM on November 23

This is without a doubt the stupidest thing I have read / listened to in quite some time. I can give no higher compliment than this.
posted by Superilla at 2:41 PM on November 23 [3 favorites]

Draw a Hand Turkey is a total bop! (also, I need a video showing me how to do the dance.)
posted by vespabelle at 6:02 PM on November 23

“No festivity is complete without a song that gives you instructions.“
posted by charmedimsure at 6:54 PM on November 23 [2 favorites]

Funny, a few hours ago I was recalling a song members of my motherʻs side of the family would invariably sing more and more often as Thanksgiving inexorably loomed near and nearer. It was directed at the pre-kindergarten family members, and it was quietly cruel, much the same as Grimmʻs fairy tales tended to be. The lyrics --

Thereʻs a big fat turkey down on grandpopʻs farm
who thinks heʻs very gay.
He spreads his tail into a great big fan
and struts around all day.

He gobbles gobbles gobbles at the girls and boys
and thinks heʻs singing when he makes that noise,
but heʻll sing his song another way
on Thanksgiving Day.

Canʻt help imagining how Dr. Strangelove would recite those lyrics.
posted by Droll Lord at 7:11 PM on November 23 [1 favorite]

Mr. President! Pardon me,
Why do you pardon me?
What did I, Butterball, do right?
What did all my friends do wrong?

Has legit stayed with me all day. I love Alexandra Petri.
posted by charmedimsure at 7:13 PM on November 23 [2 favorites]

Related item: Ken Levine's horrible Thanksgiving song podcast. "Celebrate the beginning of the holiday season with some of the worst, cringe worthiest, hilarious songs ever unleashed upon the world" NOT politically correct, involves references to scalping and possible incest, "indian maiden" and "Caress Me, Aunt Jemima," the latter of which will now be stuck in my head all day.
posted by jenfullmoon at 9:32 AM on November 24

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