Smokin' Bear
November 24, 2022 2:04 PM Subscribe
Smokey Bear is supposed to communicate an important message about wildfire safety. But viewers were talking about his balloon at the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade for a totally different reason this year: his looming, brawny, unsettling hotness.
You have all been home for far too long and it shows. It's a balloon bear. Maybe we all need to get out of the house and see some people. Like safely, maybe with masks, but people...
posted by supermedusa at 2:35 PM on November 24, 2022 [53 favorites]
posted by supermedusa at 2:35 PM on November 24, 2022 [53 favorites]
The Daily Beast, indeed.
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:38 PM on November 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
posted by Mister Moofoo at 2:38 PM on November 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
Rule 34 of course has no exceptions: NSFW link to porn site. That's the tasteful one, mind you.
posted by Nelson at 2:50 PM on November 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by Nelson at 2:50 PM on November 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
You have all been home for far too long and it shows. It's a balloon bear. Maybe we all need to get out of the house and see some people. Like safely, maybe with masks, but people...
I have been cooped up in isolation since spring 2020 and this week I had a lively conversation with my own living room windowsill -- I know -- and I can still confidently declare this Smokey Bear thing is weird.
posted by mochapickle at 2:58 PM on November 24, 2022 [33 favorites]
I have been cooped up in isolation since spring 2020 and this week I had a lively conversation with my own living room windowsill -- I know -- and I can still confidently declare this Smokey Bear thing is weird.
posted by mochapickle at 2:58 PM on November 24, 2022 [33 favorites]
"Just look at him there - Smokey's in real good shape there. And why is he in such good shape - he eats well, he works out, he watches his weight. And you? You stand around making jokes, you steal picnic baskets, and you shove your mouth full of the crap that's in them.
"Don't you get it, Yogi?"
posted by pyramid termite at 3:10 PM on November 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
"Don't you get it, Yogi?"
posted by pyramid termite at 3:10 PM on November 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
Well, to be fair - bears are pretty f**king strong and muscular - so maybe the Smokeys of years gone by were too dainty/delicate, and this is simply a more accurate and updated version of Smokey.
And Nelson - good grief, no. I mean...deep down, I know such stuff exists, but actually seeing it is... ugh. Funny, but ugh.
posted by davidmsc at 3:11 PM on November 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
And Nelson - good grief, no. I mean...deep down, I know such stuff exists, but actually seeing it is... ugh. Funny, but ugh.
posted by davidmsc at 3:11 PM on November 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Sure, a lot of people are into bears, I don't judge.
posted by ckape at 3:13 PM on November 24, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by ckape at 3:13 PM on November 24, 2022 [9 favorites]
BILF
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:21 PM on November 24, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by The Underpants Monster at 3:21 PM on November 24, 2022 [11 favorites]
Well, Ohio State Fair installed this Smokey back in 2015, and he's pretty buff.
posted by hippybear at 3:33 PM on November 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by hippybear at 3:33 PM on November 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Rule 34 of course has no exceptions:
Tom’s of Yellowstone
posted by cybrcamper at 3:40 PM on November 24, 2022 [9 favorites]
Tom’s of Yellowstone
posted by cybrcamper at 3:40 PM on November 24, 2022 [9 favorites]
It was either that or this and honestly, the real bear is kind of ewwww.
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 4:00 PM on November 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by JustSayNoDawg at 4:00 PM on November 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Smokey is smokin'. Look up -- Ursa Major.
posted by Capt. Renault at 4:14 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by Capt. Renault at 4:14 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
It was either that or this and honestly, the real bear is kind of ewwww.
In my experience true bears are not fans of the depilatory arts.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:28 PM on November 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
In my experience true bears are not fans of the depilatory arts.
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:28 PM on November 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
Tom’s of Yellowstone
Or, if you like, Karhu of Columbus Circle
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:31 PM on November 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
Or, if you like, Karhu of Columbus Circle
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 4:31 PM on November 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
And bears're particularly fragrant, but not in a way you'd like to cuddle up to. Survivors of bear attacks often recall an unearthly, unbearable (heh), raging halitosis as the bear was gnawing on their heads.
Maybe these stories of Smokey's physical appeal are... wildly inflated?
posted by mochapickle at 4:35 PM on November 24, 2022 [13 favorites]
Maybe these stories of Smokey's physical appeal are... wildly inflated?
posted by mochapickle at 4:35 PM on November 24, 2022 [13 favorites]
Look, hot/not, swipe left/right, I don't care. But I have to admit I have been laboring under a delusion for 4+ decades of consciousness. Up until I saw this post, I would have sworn his name was Smokey the bear.
posted by mollweide at 4:40 PM on November 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
posted by mollweide at 4:40 PM on November 24, 2022 [12 favorites]
I learned a new term from the article (that upon googling is not a new term at all): "Zaddy".
And bears're particularly fragrant, but not in a way you'd like to cuddle up to.
I don't know, the bears I've met have seemed extremely cuddly and seem like they'd be great companions on a cold winter night. (The leather bears strike me as less cuddly, but the flannel ones have always seemed soft and warm.)
posted by Dip Flash at 4:46 PM on November 24, 2022 [10 favorites]
And bears're particularly fragrant, but not in a way you'd like to cuddle up to.
I don't know, the bears I've met have seemed extremely cuddly and seem like they'd be great companions on a cold winter night. (The leather bears strike me as less cuddly, but the flannel ones have always seemed soft and warm.)
posted by Dip Flash at 4:46 PM on November 24, 2022 [10 favorites]
No comment on the balloon, but those REI jigsaw puzzles, woo!
posted by Going To Maine at 4:53 PM on November 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
posted by Going To Maine at 4:53 PM on November 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
From Smokey’s website:
In 1952, Steve Nelson and Jack Rollins wrote the popular anthem that would launch a continuous debate about Smokey’s name. To maintain the rhythm of the song, they added “the” between “Smokey” and “Bear.” Due to the song’s popularity, Smokey Bear has been called “Smokey the Bear” by many adoring fans, but, in actuality, his name never changed. He’s still Smokey Bear.
That sounds like the source of any Berenstain/stein-esque confusion, most likely
posted by Jon Mitchell at 5:02 PM on November 24, 2022 [16 favorites]
I would have sworn his name was Smokey the bear.
Perhaps you were thinking of Winnie the Pooh.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:04 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
Perhaps you were thinking of Winnie the Pooh.
posted by Greg_Ace at 5:04 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
Oh no stepbear, I have my head stuck in the hunny jar!
posted by adept256 at 5:11 PM on November 24, 2022 [15 favorites]
posted by adept256 at 5:11 PM on November 24, 2022 [15 favorites]
He's lost quite a bit of weight since 1997.
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:18 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by The Card Cheat at 5:18 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
I prefer otters of course, but that is a pretty nice bear. Some nascent Furries are gonna have lingering thoughts like I did after watching Animalympics.
posted by The otter lady at 5:18 PM on November 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by The otter lady at 5:18 PM on November 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
That sounds like the source of any Berenstain/stein-esque confusion, most likely
Quite possibly, and I appreciate the connection. I don't think I've ever heard that song, but it seems like it's sowed a lot of confusion.
posted by mollweide at 5:32 PM on November 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
Quite possibly, and I appreciate the connection. I don't think I've ever heard that song, but it seems like it's sowed a lot of confusion.
posted by mollweide at 5:32 PM on November 24, 2022 [1 favorite]
He's lost quite a bit of weight since 1997.
That's nothing compared to Woodsy the Owl (Give a Hoot! Don't Pollute!) who seems to have had gastric band and leg-lengthening surgery since the 70's.
Nice to see that Ranger Rick and Deputy Scarlett are apparently still committed trail nudists.
posted by bartleby at 5:43 PM on November 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
That's nothing compared to Woodsy the Owl (Give a Hoot! Don't Pollute!) who seems to have had gastric band and leg-lengthening surgery since the 70's.
Nice to see that Ranger Rick and Deputy Scarlett are apparently still committed trail nudists.
posted by bartleby at 5:43 PM on November 24, 2022 [5 favorites]
it seems like it's sowed a lot of confusion
I have assumed, for about as long as you have, that it was in fact "Smokey the Bear."
Like, if I saw a Jeopardy clue like "This mascot has spent a great deal of time urging people to prevent forest fires," I would have responded, "Who is Smokey THE Bear."
So you're not alone in that!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:56 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
I have assumed, for about as long as you have, that it was in fact "Smokey the Bear."
Like, if I saw a Jeopardy clue like "This mascot has spent a great deal of time urging people to prevent forest fires," I would have responded, "Who is Smokey THE Bear."
So you're not alone in that!
posted by mandolin conspiracy at 5:56 PM on November 24, 2022 [4 favorites]
Now that's how you build a bear.
Paging Marian Engel.
posted by bryon at 6:14 PM on November 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Paging Marian Engel.
posted by bryon at 6:14 PM on November 24, 2022 [3 favorites]
Been the same balloon since 2019. I get election season has been rough.
posted by evilDoug at 7:07 PM on November 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by evilDoug at 7:07 PM on November 24, 2022 [6 favorites]
it seems like it's sowed a lot of confusion
I have assumed, for about as long as you have, that it was in fact "Smokey the Bear."
That's interesting about the song adding "the" for the rhythm. I remember these commercials that the Forest Service used to run. I still mutter, "it's not Easter THE Bunny."
Smokey the Bear, the forest people insist, has no middle name. He's just plain Smokey Bear.A radio spot first aired in 1990 and revived this year features a small child patiently explaining this to a thick-headed adult. "It's not Easter the Bunny," the child squeaks. "It's not Santa the Claus."
"The name has always been Smokey Bear," sighs Elsie Cunningham, program director for the national fire prevention effort. "There has never been a `the' in it. Apparently, someone had the need to fit words with music in a song. But the official name, by legislation, is Smokey Bear."
posted by ActingTheGoat at 7:08 PM on November 24, 2022 [7 favorites]
I have assumed, for about as long as you have, that it was in fact "Smokey the Bear."
That's interesting about the song adding "the" for the rhythm. I remember these commercials that the Forest Service used to run. I still mutter, "it's not Easter THE Bunny."
Smokey the Bear, the forest people insist, has no middle name. He's just plain Smokey Bear.A radio spot first aired in 1990 and revived this year features a small child patiently explaining this to a thick-headed adult. "It's not Easter the Bunny," the child squeaks. "It's not Santa the Claus."
"The name has always been Smokey Bear," sighs Elsie Cunningham, program director for the national fire prevention effort. "There has never been a `the' in it. Apparently, someone had the need to fit words with music in a song. But the official name, by legislation, is Smokey Bear."
posted by ActingTheGoat at 7:08 PM on November 24, 2022 [7 favorites]
Now I'm all dizzy
Smokey Bear, the bear?
And I see now that it's Woodsy Owl, not Woodsy the Owl.
Is it Tony Tiger on the sugar frosted corn flakes, or Tony the Tiger?
Winnie Pooh?
Oscar Grouch?
Big, the Bird?
The Panther formerly known as Pink?
And where does an Bandit figure into all this?
And oh shit, is there some pedantic whisky/whiskey difference between Smoky and Smokey?
posted by bartleby at 7:50 PM on November 24, 2022 [11 favorites]
Smokey Bear, the bear?
And I see now that it's Woodsy Owl, not Woodsy the Owl.
Is it Tony Tiger on the sugar frosted corn flakes, or Tony the Tiger?
Winnie Pooh?
Oscar Grouch?
Big, the Bird?
The Panther formerly known as Pink?
And where does an Bandit figure into all this?
And oh shit, is there some pedantic whisky/whiskey difference between Smoky and Smokey?
posted by bartleby at 7:50 PM on November 24, 2022 [11 favorites]
Wonder the Woman
posted by rhizome at 8:39 PM on November 24, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by rhizome at 8:39 PM on November 24, 2022 [10 favorites]
Speak cars with the boom softly and carry a Godzilla size stick. No hidden symbols there.
posted by y2karl at 8:42 PM on November 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by y2karl at 8:42 PM on November 24, 2022 [2 favorites]
And oh shit, is there some pedantic whisky/whiskey difference between Smoky and Smokey?
Fun fact: Smoky the Bairn was Laphroaig's short lived-child mascot.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:47 PM on November 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
Fun fact: Smoky the Bairn was Laphroaig's short lived-child mascot.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 8:47 PM on November 24, 2022 [14 favorites]
I didn't actually know there was a theme song, but the only 50s-era performance of the song I could find was introduced as "Smokey The Bear" at around 1:22 in this clip (linked to the exact moment, but sometimes YouTube links work weird)
Can't say I've ever heard him referred to as "Smokey Bear", but I don't know why "THE" was in there outside of the song I've never heard.
posted by revmitcz at 12:01 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
Can't say I've ever heard him referred to as "Smokey Bear", but I don't know why "THE" was in there outside of the song I've never heard.
posted by revmitcz at 12:01 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
Ok so let's see what happens when the US gov't takes over lands that have been getting controlled burns for 10-15,000+ years, puts highly-trained experienced fire babas in jail, & replaces them with Smokey the Bear?
Smokey is a lie!
posted by The genius who rejected Anno's budget proposal. at 2:29 AM on November 25, 2022 [6 favorites]
Smokey is a lie!
posted by The genius who rejected Anno's budget proposal. at 2:29 AM on November 25, 2022 [6 favorites]
That ripped bear is gonna have a hard time making it through winter hibernation, just sayin'.
posted by drlith at 5:53 AM on November 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by drlith at 5:53 AM on November 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
That ripped bear is gonna have a hard time making it through winter hibernation, just sayin'.
He looks like he has been preparing for cuffing season, not hibernation season.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:28 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
He looks like he has been preparing for cuffing season, not hibernation season.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:28 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
The official name, by legislation, is Alexander Great.
posted by Ishbadiddle at 7:40 AM on November 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by Ishbadiddle at 7:40 AM on November 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
Fine, I’ll look it up.
The Merriam-Webster entry “What is a ‘Zaddy?’” is worth visiting just to see all the sweaty effort put into it. I was disappointed to find out it’s basically what it seems from context clues (i.e., “daddy” but… with a Z. That seems to be the whole story.)
posted by TangoCharlie at 8:04 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
The Merriam-Webster entry “What is a ‘Zaddy?’” is worth visiting just to see all the sweaty effort put into it. I was disappointed to find out it’s basically what it seems from context clues (i.e., “daddy” but… with a Z. That seems to be the whole story.)
posted by TangoCharlie at 8:04 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Even if his proper name is “Smoky Bear,” he is still a bear, so “Smoky the bear” isn’t technically incorrect. It’d be like if a human’s name was Baker and he also happened to work in a bakery.
Smoky Bear the bear.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:49 AM on November 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
Smoky Bear the bear.
posted by The Underpants Monster at 8:49 AM on November 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
🎶he can smel a fire before it starts to flame/that's why we call him smokey and that's how he got his name🎶
(That was from memory, my friends)
posted by atomicstone at 8:59 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
(That was from memory, my friends)
posted by atomicstone at 8:59 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
People online will write anything. 'Charlie Brown had hoes.' No he didn't. That isn't true.
posted by AlSweigart at 9:46 AM on November 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by AlSweigart at 9:46 AM on November 25, 2022 [3 favorites]
The internet has made context impossible, and anxiety inevitable. No wonder the kids aren't getting laid.
posted by eustatic at 9:56 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by eustatic at 9:56 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
This is reminding me of the time the internet discovered that some kangaroos are ripped.
I am not going to look for it, but I hope that someone somewhere has created a post-makeover Oscar the Grouch in the spirit of a teen movie. Or a Miss Piggy who has decided to go dapper or more lumberjane in sartorial styling.
Forgive me, I need to eat more leftovers.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:13 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
I am not going to look for it, but I hope that someone somewhere has created a post-makeover Oscar the Grouch in the spirit of a teen movie. Or a Miss Piggy who has decided to go dapper or more lumberjane in sartorial styling.
Forgive me, I need to eat more leftovers.
posted by spamandkimchi at 10:13 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
I am not going to look for it, but I hope that someone somewhere has created a post-makeover Oscar the Grouch in the spirit of a teen movie. Or a Miss Piggy who has decided to go dapper or more lumberjane in sartorial styling.
Actually, Oscar went for a gritty reboot look and Miss Piggy went full Diane Keaton.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:06 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Actually, Oscar went for a gritty reboot look and Miss Piggy went full Diane Keaton.
posted by ActingTheGoat at 11:06 AM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
I wish this thread well, but I’m not clicking on any of the links in it.
posted by Ookseer at 11:55 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by Ookseer at 11:55 AM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
I clicked a bunch of the links and couldn't view the Daily Beast at the top nor the Sarah Tabor tweets (they have locked down their account) soooo 2022 internet is going great
posted by zenon at 12:14 PM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by zenon at 12:14 PM on November 25, 2022 [1 favorite]
Technically, it's Sebastien the Bailard.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:31 PM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:31 PM on November 25, 2022 [2 favorites]
The rest of the Macy's Parade was the usual noise from the nightmare factory.
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:34 PM on November 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by sebastienbailard at 12:34 PM on November 25, 2022 [5 favorites]
But the official name, by legislation, is Smokey Bear
Yeah, and by legislation, pi=3 in Indiana. If I want the fun to never end, I'm not going to seek out "Finn Human" and "Jake Dog".
Going by the official "Smokey [sic] Bear" comic book...well, firstly, Smokey always had pecs dammit--at least once he growed up and got his jeans and ranger hat...but nextly, let's count the usage of "Smokey Bear" vs "Smokey the Bear" in the Amazon reviews. I find 3 reviewers use "the" while 2 go without "the". Take that! Prescriptivism always loses!
posted by polecat at 2:08 PM on November 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
Yeah, and by legislation, pi=3 in Indiana. If I want the fun to never end, I'm not going to seek out "Finn Human" and "Jake Dog".
Going by the official "Smokey [sic] Bear" comic book...well, firstly, Smokey always had pecs dammit--at least once he growed up and got his jeans and ranger hat...but nextly, let's count the usage of "Smokey Bear" vs "Smokey the Bear" in the Amazon reviews. I find 3 reviewers use "the" while 2 go without "the". Take that! Prescriptivism always loses!
posted by polecat at 2:08 PM on November 25, 2022 [4 favorites]
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Time to get buffed.
posted by Windopaene at 2:15 PM on November 24, 2022 [1 favorite]