New cookbook for folks out of spoons, time, and money

December 7, 2022 8:55 AM

The recently published Sad Bastard Cookbook: Food you can make so you don’t die, by Zilla Novikov and Rachel A. Rosen, is here to rescue those of us struggling to feed ourselves. "Life is hard. Some days are at the absolute limit of what we can manage. Some days are worse than that. Eating—picking a meal, making it, putting it into your facehole—can feel like an insurmountable challenge. We wrote this cookbook to share our coping strategies."

"It has recipes to make when you’ve worked a 16-hour day, when you can’t stop crying and you don’t know why, when you accidentally woke up an Eldritch abomination at the bottom of the ocean. But most of all, this cookbook exists to help Sad Bastards like us feel a little less alone at mealtimes. The Sad Bastard Cookbook is funny, realistic, and kind. It’s vegetarian/vegan. It’s a community-built project. And the e-book is free. It’s hard to survive late capitalism and we want to help."

Good news: "Want an e-copy? Newsletter subscribers get it right away so sign up and enjoy! Plus, the newsletter has monthly pictures of our cats. Sometimes our dogs and our fish. But mostly cats. Want an e-copy and hate newsletters? We’ll make it free for everyone in January on the e-book platform of your choice. Or sign up to the newsletter and unsubscribe after you get the Sad Bastard Cookbook. We all know how to game online systems."

The authors claim that the recipes are many things including simple ("Like, add boiling water and eat simple. We don’t care if you can’t maintain focus. You are the target audience for this cookbook. There are options for Next Level cooking, going up to God-Tier difficulty for the best-worst days, but there’s also Peanut Butter on a Spoon for the worst-worst days") and cheap ("The Boomers destroyed the economy. Sorry to any Boomers reading this. We don’t like that you did it either. #NotAllBoomers. But if you voted for Reagan, Mulroney, or Thatcher and you don’t regret it, this cookbook isn’t for you").

The cookbook was produced by part of the Night Beats community of writers. "Three writers as friends lead to some questionable decisions. In this case, coming up with the idea for a fictional TV show, Night Beats, and writing it into every fictional universe our characters inhabit. All of our protagonists watch this rubbish paranormal police procedural, and they all claim to hate it, and they all secretly love it. Night Beats is simply the best/worst TV show that was never made."

How do these things fit together? I have no idea. Enjoy!

posted by Bella Donna (73 comments total)

I'm not especially sad*, and in general I enjoy cooking. But I live alone, and many weeknights I lack the enthusiasm to do involved meal prep for just myself. I just bought the paperback (as a nod to the pervasive nature of capitalism), looking forward to checking it out.

*whether or not I'm a bastard is left as an exercise for the reader
posted by Greg_Ace at 9:21 AM on December 7, 2022 [8 favorites]

Cooking, or at least food acquisition, for whatever reason, I’m usually able to scrape together the willpower for, but I read the related How To Keep House While Drowning , which I kept seeing pop up on AskMe, and found it really useful. Well worth a read, especially if your biggest real problem with housekeeping is beating yourself up about it for not doing it to some imaginary standard.
posted by Jon Mitchell at 9:21 AM on December 7, 2022 [18 favorites]

I liked the peanut butter on a spoon recipe, even if I don't actually like peanut butter. Recipe did not come to my throwaway email address (maybe it's the throwaway email address service).
posted by aniola at 10:02 AM on December 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

I used to think I didn't really know how to cook. Then I realized that I do, it's just that I select dishes to minimize prep time and number of dishes to clean up. Don't look to me for a four-course meal though. I don't got time for that. Thanks for posting this.
posted by AlSweigart at 10:11 AM on December 7, 2022 [5 favorites]

How "for idiots" simple is this? Because as someone who hates to cook, I look at a list of ingredients and if I see more than five, or needing several semi-complicated tools, I nope on out of this.

I have always thought that someone needs to write a cookbook for people who hate to cook, except people who hate to cook wouldn't write a cookbook, so....

Just for fun, here's my idiot recipe for Ramen Omelet, devised during the pandemic!

Ingredients:
* 2-3 eggs
* Salt
* 1 pack ramen
* Potato chips (optional)

Tools:
* I soup pan
* 1 Rapid Ramen Cooker (optional)
* 1 plastic bag

Instructions:
(a) Cook yourself some ramen! I recommend using the Rapid Ramen Cooker for speed and laziness, but cook it however you want and then drain out the water.
(b) Crack open your eggs into the plastic bag, throw in some salt. Pour the ramen into the bag and then mush it all around so that hopefully the eggs cover the ramen.
(c) Fill up the pan about 2/3 full (enough to generally cover the bag) and set the cooking setting...thing on the oven to boiling (about 5 minutes)
(d) Put the plastic bag/egg mix into the pot, turn the knob down to 8, cook about 8 minutes, take off the hot boiler...thing on the stove, let it sit for a few minutes.
(e) Empty the bag onto a plate. Optimally you have some kind of eggy loaf now. Or a half loaf. Or whatever! You can still eat it and you're going to cut it up anyway.
(f) Sprinkle chips on top for fun and flavor.
posted by jenfullmoon at 10:22 AM on December 7, 2022 [14 favorites]

Any sample recipes? I Julia Child-ed eating peanut butter out of the jar already, I need to see what I'm getting into here.
posted by kingdead at 10:22 AM on December 7, 2022 [9 favorites]

Crack open your eggs into the plastic bag, throw in some salt. Pour the ramen into the bag and then mush it all around so that hopefully the eggs cover the ramen.

Add some bacon bits and you've got sous vide carbonara!
posted by praemunire at 10:24 AM on December 7, 2022 [14 favorites]

Here's a sample:
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches:
Core Ingredients
< Bread
< Cheese
< Butter or margarine or oil if you’re making this in a frying pan
Preparation: Do This No Matter What
< Put sliced cheese between two sides of bread.
Preparation I: Microwave
< Put on a plate and microwave until the cheese is melty.
Preparation II: Oven
< Spread butter or margarine on both sides of the bread.
< Put on a baking tray and bake in the oven at 400°F or 200°C until the cheese is melty. This should take only 5 minutes or so.
< Flip the sandwich halfway through cooking.
Preparation III: Frying Pan
< Put a wee bit of oil or margarine or butter in the pan and put the stove on low or medium heat.
< Cook the sandwich until one side of the bread is crispy, then flip it and cook the other side. You can add more margarine when you flip it so both sides get some. Try to pay some attention so that you flip it before the bread turns to charcoal.
< If you put a lid or large plate on the pan, the cheese will get extra melty.
posted by ceejaytee at 10:28 AM on December 7, 2022 [7 favorites]

They have a bunch of base recipes and then things you can do with that recipe. Like rice (from the table of contents):

Rice Variations Part I: Cook the Rice
Rice Variations Part II: Add Stuff to the Cooking Water
Rice Variations Part III: Add Stuff to the Cooked Rice
Another Rice Variation: Black Beans & Rice
Rice Variations Part IV: Fried Rice

They do the same with ramen, potatoes, pasta, toast, eggs, etc. The writing style of the book is very fun.
posted by ceejaytee at 10:30 AM on December 7, 2022 [8 favorites]

I think that I didn't learn how to cook regularly until I had a kitchen big enough to cook in, certainly.

And that didn't happen until well into my 40s. Right now I have room for more than one cutting board to be out at the same time like some kind of peasant king.

But I do think that there is a youtube howto niche that would be a useful one: how to cook in an apartment with a 1 foot by 1 foot countertop space. That was a huge obstacle that I papered-over with boxes of takeout for two decades of my life.

mise en place requires the place, and many USA apartments got no fucking place.
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 10:33 AM on December 7, 2022 [26 favorites]

the spoonful of peanut butter is also very useful if you are either: 1) about to faint from low blood sugar 2) too out of it mentally/emotionally to make a decision. just put that spoon in your mouth like a delicious nutty lollipop and suck!

I could really have used this book back in the day but I have since then been so fortunate to acquire a spouse who is one of those cooking people.
posted by supermedusa at 10:51 AM on December 7, 2022 [7 favorites]

Right now I have room for more than one cutting board to be out at the same time like some kind of peasant king.

I'm envisioning a Far Side -esque comic of a delighted houseperson proudly displaying a counter top with multiple cutting boards deployed side by side.
posted by Greg_Ace at 10:54 AM on December 7, 2022 [16 favorites]

I'm also fond of Cooking is Terrible, which has much of the same vibe (not vegan, though).
posted by Halloween Jack at 10:58 AM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]

Relatedly, an older tool: The Impoverished Students Guide to Cookery, Eatery, and Drinkery (Also probably less vegan friendly than this new book.)
posted by Going To Maine at 11:00 AM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

Rice Variations Part I: Cook the Rice
Rice Variations Part II: Add Stuff to the Cooking Water
Rice Variations Part III: Add Stuff to the Cooked Rice
Another Rice Variation: Black Beans & Rice
Rice Variations Part IV: Fried Rice

This feels kind of like a version of Mark Bittman’s How To Cook Everything but with the anti-cooking vibe really turned up. Bittman generally uses the more formal name for recipes, but at the core I feel like his recipes are “put a thing in a pot or pan, maybe add another thing to it, wait, now you have food.” (His frittata advice has ranged in different books and over time, I think, from making a “proper” frittata to adding some egg as a binder to a bunch of vegetables and then frying.

Not a knock, by the way! Cookbooks and cooking are definitely about vibes as much as they are about food, I think. Your feeling about how and why you’re cooking really informs what you can convince yourself to make.
posted by Going To Maine at 11:09 AM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]

I won't post a direct link, but to get the cookbook go to this page and enter a real or fake email address to be taken to the download page. No email confirmation is needed.
posted by AlSweigart at 11:09 AM on December 7, 2022 [2 favorites]

Everybody in here talking about the cookbook when this blog is the home of an entirely fictional supernatural cop drama called Night Beats which these writers have all been slipping into their own fiction as an elaborate practical joke.
posted by forbiddencabinet at 11:15 AM on December 7, 2022 [16 favorites]

Recipes before night-poleec, amirite?
posted by Greg_Ace at 11:26 AM on December 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

and now I am trying to figure out how I can shoehorn a mention of Night Beats into my book (it really really does not fit, like, at all...)
posted by supermedusa at 11:31 AM on December 7, 2022 [7 favorites]

I think that I didn't learn how to cook regularly until I had a kitchen big enough to cook in, certainly.

I learned to cook when I was younger, partly via school (thank you GCSE food technology, chosen because an hour a week making food sounded better when I was 14 than an hour a week sewing, doing woodwork or metalwork, making electronics or designing graphics), partly from my grandma and partly from experimentation. In my early 20s I was living in a houseshare with a small, shitty kitchen (the best accommodation I could afford), so I didn't cook as much or as elaborately. I had a friend at the time with a modest empathy gap who kept repeatedly assuming and implying I couldn't cook, rather than that I merely didn't cook because the circumstances were less than conducive. No matter how many times I insisted that I could, and I liked it, I just didn't like it in a tiny shitty kitchen, he didn't seem to get the message.

Now I have a large, well-stocked and well-equipped kitchen, with all the stuff I desperately lacked access to as a teen (living with parents who didn't really cook and weren't interested) and a young adult (living in university accommodation or houseshares with shitty kitchens), and I cook! Often! And like it!

I also have a ton of executive dysfunction, so while this cookbook is not precisely for me, I'm no stranger to a goblin meal even in my good kitchen, and intrigued enough to check it out.
posted by terretu at 11:32 AM on December 7, 2022 [7 favorites]

There’s been a lot of unpacking of the cookbook as an aspirational cultural artefact by writers like Ruby Tandoh, so it’s great to see cooking for ‘sad bastards’. I am a cooking person, but I’m also a sad bastard sometime. Just because my sad bastard meals are me eating the peanut butter I made off a spoon, or stuffing my self-made kimchi into my face hole. Sometimes I love to eat a pack of noodles, other days I take five hours to make a babka.
posted by The River Ivel at 11:35 AM on December 7, 2022 [5 favorites]

Sad? Check
Bastard? Check
Need help being motivated to cook? Check

Thanks for posting! (Check?)
posted by Abehammerb Lincoln at 11:37 AM on December 7, 2022 [11 favorites]

jenfullmoon: I have always thought that someone needs to write a cookbook for people who hate to cook, except people who hate to cook wouldn't write a cookbook, so....

May I have the delight of introducing you to Peg Bracken and her The I Hate to Cook Book, helping people who hate to cook since sometime in the 1960s?

The recipes are very mid-century in fashion, which makes sense since it was written mid-century, and it's also from a world where it's assuming you're a woman homemaker, that you don't have a microwave and that you have a husband who is prone to bring home the boss for dinner unannounced, but Bracken has an acerbic wit and little patience for cooking, and there's plenty of simple recipes to pick and choose from that will get a dinner of sorts on the table.
posted by telophase at 11:39 AM on December 7, 2022 [13 favorites]

I could really have used this book back in the day but I have since then been so fortunate to acquire a spouse who is one of those cooking people.

Lol. I am one of "those cooking people" and I'm still going to pick this up. I love cooking and once I'm in the kitchen, I can just go. It's getting in to the kitchen that can sometimes be a problem.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 11:40 AM on December 7, 2022 [9 favorites]

I have several kids with executive function and mental health challenges, ages 15 to 28. I might get them each a copy for Christmas.
posted by Well I never at 11:42 AM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

Yeah, this book is probably just what my daughter needs for cooking for herself in her college dorm (she's in a townhouse with two other roommates and a "real" kitchen). I have been a serious cook for a long time and can just improvise as needed with some staple items.
posted by briank at 11:48 AM on December 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

I liked the peanut butter on a spoon recipe, even if I don't actually like peanut butter. Recipe did not come to my throwaway email address (maybe it's the throwaway email address service).

One of my early childhood memories is of my mom explaining to me that it was better to use a spoon to scoop peanut butter out of the jar. Prior to that when I was sneaking between meal snacks I had been using my fingers and leaving large obvious finger grooves in the remaining PB. Spoon was good for hygiene but I believe it was a textural sacrifice.
posted by srboisvert at 11:51 AM on December 7, 2022 [5 favorites]

srboisvert LOL

when I was a kid my dad's uncle would occasionally visit on a sunday. he'd had some trauma as a child and was a bit intellectually delayed, although he was able to live independently. while my mom took my sisters & I to church, leaving my dad and his uncle at home...Uncle Edward would proceed to eat all of the peanut butter. he was crafty enough to leave a layer of pb around the entire outer part of the jar, so no one would see at a glance that the jar was empty.
posted by supermedusa at 11:58 AM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]

Maybe it's the weather, but I need this today. I just texted my wife, "do we have any soup in the freezer we can reheat for dinner?" I do most of the cooking in our house (by choice!), but I just don't have the will today. None at all.

I will probably go home and scoop hummus out of the container with mini pretzels and then make my daughter an egg sandwich for dinner. I think we have some cut-up cucumbers in the fridge, too.
posted by uncleozzy at 12:19 PM on December 7, 2022 [3 favorites]

If you're going to give this as a christmas gift, may I also suggest the Pathetic Loser Bath Towel Set and the Loathsome Jackass Jam of the Month Club?
posted by paper chromatographologist at 12:29 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

Yeah, I am not in love with the title of this cookbook but I am enjoying the rest of it in terms of tone and approach. Like, I am trying to double how often I shower to twice a week. That’s harder than it sounds. Sometimes I cannot remember how to feed myself if it involves any cooking at all. That is why I was excited to find out that it was in the works and thrilled to discover it had been released for free. I don’t know who these authors are, but I feel like two complete strangers have just given me a useful tool and a hug. It’s probably not perfect, but it’s gonna make my life better anyway.
posted by Bella Donna at 12:52 PM on December 7, 2022 [14 favorites]

Yeah there are weeks where I just don't have it in me what with the measuring and the chopping and the dicing and the stirring

I think I will have a can of soup and a grilled cheese for dinner. Maybe with a slice of tomato if I'm feeling particularly energetic.
posted by rhymedirective at 1:14 PM on December 7, 2022 [3 favorites]

But I live alone, and many weeknights I lack the enthusiasm to do involved meal prep for just myself.

When my family is away and it's just me a lot of my meals devolve into tinned sardines on crackers. I like to cook and think I'm pretty good at it, but if it's just me then food becomes a fuel and nothing more pretty quickly.
posted by any portmanteau in a storm at 1:36 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

I am a cooking person, and I will definitely get this.

Several of our supermarkets had a "help Ukraine" week, where they promoted different Ukrainian products. I liked many of the products, nice cheese, wine and sausage, and most were sold out quickly, but no-one picked up the instant soup cups and now they are extra reduced. So I looked at them and discovered they are vegan, free from additives and full of protein and fiber. I bought a few, tasted them, and went back to the supermarket to buy the rest. So now we have a huge bag full of creamy vegan soup for sad bastard days.

Look out for them, IMO they are much better than the ramen cups, and I like the ramen cups.
posted by mumimor at 1:53 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

I hope this cookbook includes a recipe for Night Beets.

If not, let's try: before going to bed, put beets in the slow cooker, with water, salt, and vinegar. Night Beets for breakfast.
posted by away for regrooving at 1:58 PM on December 7, 2022 [5 favorites]

IF YOU ONLY DO ONE THING TODAY YOU NEED TO EAT SOME GOD DAMNED PEANUT BUTTER
stop yelling at me!
(EATS SPOONFUL OF PEANUT BUTTER)
mmm tasty

[Of course I have a framed print of The Roast Beef Decision-Making Flowchart from Achewood]
posted by Iris Gambol at 1:59 PM on December 7, 2022 [13 favorites]

The Domino™ effect.
posted by clavdivs at 4:04 PM on December 7, 2022

A few drops of sesame oil, soy sauce, and some heat will elevate the ramen several levels.
posted by aiq at 4:53 PM on December 7, 2022

I find this to be a great cookbook.

This excerpt/aside:

"Zilla believes that chips in a skull bowl are an ideal dish to serve at your
affinity group’s potluck. They provide much needed fuel and saltiness when
you’re gearing up for civil disobedience or navigating an in-group love
rhombus. Read Query to find out other things Zilla would do under those
circumstances"

has me searching for a good skull bowl adequate for a reasonable number of chips, but also skull-like enough. Open to suggestions.
posted by booooooze at 4:57 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

in-group love rhombus

alas my sockpuppet alias comes to me!
posted by supermedusa at 5:05 PM on December 7, 2022 [2 favorites]

I am a person who is only required to feed myself. I don't have a full kitchen for the most part (but when I go over to my partner's for a few nights a week, I do). I have a toaster oven, a microwave and a slow cooker.

I am a good cook. I love cooking! But sometimes making meals is more just ... assembling things. Tonight, I pulled out some frozen brown rice, some beans from a can of pintos, some aged cheddar (not the best for this but it's what I had) and some salsa. I also had some leftover tortilla chips that were a bit stale and mostly just pieces anyway. All went into a bowl and into the microwave. I put some Penzey's Southwest seasoning on top to be fancy.

Was this great food? I've had worse. It was tasty enough and filling. That's all I wanted from it.

It's fun to make a fancy meal sometimes but also if you boil water to cook pasta and then dump some jarred sauce on it, well, that's pretty great. Even better if you sprinkle some parmesan on it too. Did you heat up some nuggets (chicken or veggie, depending on your dietary preferences) and microwave some frozen peas and then dip your nugs in some kind of sauce (barbeque if you're fancy). You have a meal.

I like this cookbook because it's just "hey if you eat, good for you! You ate some food!" I think people get too precious about "how dare you buy pre-shredded cheese!" or whatever. Like, if that's what it takes to put a meal together, take the shortcut!

I have often put together a "dinner" of a pretend ploughman's lunch -- bread or crackers, cheese, fruit (dried or fresh) and maybe a smear of mustard if I'm feeling fancy about it. Mostly, it's just food with minimal prep. It's still a meal. It keeps me alive. And that's really the point.

(I am sadly mostly off wheat right now so it's harder to do simple meals.)
posted by edencosmic at 6:49 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

Uggggggh the most important cooking skill in the entire world is being able to cook some semi-healthy shit without needing more than half an hour to get it on a plate. ESPECIALLY if you're a parent. I am definitely buying this cookbook.

The most important cookbook in my evolution as a "omg, whatever, it's food" cook was "How to Cook without a Book" which starts with super-basic shit like "how to stock a pantry" and leads you through super-simple, super-adaptable recipes so that you can look in your fridge, say to yourself, "Huh, I have a lot of leftover broccoli," and turn that into a reasonably healthy, tasty meal. I made the frittata every Saturday night for literally years -- I'd (attempt to) cook actual recipes during the week, and then turn all the leftover scraps into frittata on Saturday. Saved me SO MUCH MONEY. But it also taught me that you can just kind of TRY stuff when you're cooking and, as long as it's not undercooked meat, it won't kill you. "It might taste bad, but you'll be fine, so you should just try some stuff. And here are some things to try, like pastas you can make with leftover vegetables! But literally just try some stuff, okay?"
posted by Eyebrows McGee at 6:59 PM on December 7, 2022 [2 favorites]

has me searching for a good skull bowl adequate for a reasonable number of chips, but also skull-like enough. Open to suggestions.

Here is a secret. Any already-existing mixing bowl (or even a cooking pot!) will do!
posted by aniola at 7:08 PM on December 7, 2022 [1 favorite]

I think something skully was particularly wanted.

My household's Sad Bastard Breakthrough: when you're out of spoons because you've been having a lot of peanut butter from the jar, you can eat it with a fork.
posted by clew at 9:39 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]

I won't post a direct link, but to get the cookbook go to this page and enter a real or fake email address to be taken to the download page. No email confirmation is needed.

Naw, they saw this coming. The "sekrit page" does not have a download for the cookbook. It says: "Our monthly Night Beats Newsletter will be coming to your inbox soon." Ironic that it takes so many steps to download a cookbook for effortless cooking.
posted by aniola at 11:12 PM on December 7, 2022

I guess what I'm saying is that I feel like making people sign up for a newsletter is a "strings attached" and I want to live in a perfect world where "free" means "free" but I do think it's sweet of them to make it free plus some effort anyway.
posted by aniola at 11:14 PM on December 7, 2022 [3 favorites]

Note that the CC-BY-NC license means that it's fully allowed and intended that y'all can share the PDF with each other without signing up for the mailing list, or even host a download link (with attribution) if you really want to/don't feel bad about depriving them of mailing list signups.
posted by NMcCoy at 4:27 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

Eyebrows I love How to Cook Without a Book. I bought it when I moved into my first apartment decades ago and still use it. My favorite recipe is Steam/Saute Vegetables. Whenever I buy a veg and have no idea what to do with it, it goes into a pan with some water, oil, and aromatics and always comes out great. It taught that me I could cook.
posted by ceejaytee at 4:37 AM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

When I regularly worked 10+ hour shifts and had to get something resembling nutrients in my body before collapsing into bed I would make hobo chow: in one bowl combine a can of tuna, can of green beans, small spoon of miracle whip, s+p. To get fancy, add bread crumbs or smushed crackers.
posted by Ipomoea at 5:36 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

My zero-spoons depression comfort food when I was unemployed and broke was brown rice and lentils in a 2:1 ratio, with the appropriate amount of water for brown rice, in a rice cooker. When it finishes, add can of tomatoes, salt, and either curry powder or chili powder. The useful hack here is that brown rice and lentils cook in reasonably close to the same time- doesn't work so well with white rice.

And, in general, pretty much everything mentioned in The Pot and how to use it, by Roger Ebert, is great for low-functioning food preparation ideas.

I have a fancy-pants rice cooker these days, but back in the day I used the cheapo style on Ebert's recommendation, and that cheap one is the proper tool for my depression comfort recipes.
posted by notoriety public at 6:00 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

Here is a secret. Any already-existing mixing bowl (or even a cooking pot!) will do!


If all of your mixing bowls and cooking pots look like skulls then I would very much like to know where you do your houseware shopping
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 8:04 AM on December 8, 2022 [4 favorites]

searching for a good skull bowl adequate for a reasonable number of chips, but also skull-like enough. Open to suggestions.

Here's my suggestion ...
posted by Greg_Ace at 8:19 AM on December 8, 2022

Inspired by the book, I have just enjoyed bubble and squeak for dinner. I have an opinion, and that is that there should have been gravy. Bubble and squeak is best when made from leftovers with leftover gravy, I suppose. That said, it is among the top comfort foods in the Western Hemisphere, along with penne alla gorgonzola. And BAS can be vegan if you want it.

There are leftovers, so I can have it for breakfast and lunch tomorrow, and maybe there is gravy in the freezer, that I forgot about. Or I could open a tin of lentils.

I also have a PSA: it seems that English-speaking countries think that you need a special mashing tool - or to struggle with a fork when mashing. A whisk is actually a very good multitasker that also makes great soft and creamy mashed potatoes.
posted by mumimor at 10:46 AM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

I've recently realized that a ton of cookbooks from 2016 and earlier are available for checkout on the Internet Archive.

From the recent Ask that led me to it:

Fear of Coooking, by Bob Scher

From above:

The I Hate to Cook Book (and Almanac/Book of Days)

How to Cook Without a Book

The Pot and How to Use It

Another old one in the genre is How to Boil Water: as Bachelor's Guide to Cooking at Home (which is different than the FoodTV cookbook, How to Boil Water: Life Beyond Takeout).

For vegetarians, Anna Jones' A Modern Way to Cook is often recommended for fast weekday-night fare. Also, Jack Monroe of Cooking on a Bootstrap and A Girl Called Jack has been a great resource during the pandemic and since.

Here is the Archive's listing for the whole category of "quick and easy cooking." (Sorted by number of views.)

If someone else has a title you're interested in checked out, it's worth checking the author listing to see if the Internet Archive has another separately lendable copy (usually a different printing).

The flowchart from Reed's Impoverished Students... handbook is here.
posted by snuffleupagus at 1:54 PM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]

That flowchart is about as Reedie as a particular moment could get and I am having fairly pleasant flashbacks.
posted by clew at 2:45 PM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

My whisks don't seem strong enough for my mashed potatoes, mumimor, but I'll give it another try. Maybe my potatoes are too dry??
posted by clew at 2:46 PM on December 8, 2022

you have to cook 'em first
posted by Greg_Ace at 2:59 PM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]

You don't actually have to MASH mashed potatoes!!! I am not sure why anyone bothers to use a specialized potato-squishing device. Maybe for extreme fluffiness.

You can literally just

1. Put water on to boil (set a timer or use an instapot so you don't end up with burnt boiled potatoes)
2. Cut potatoes over the pot while the water starts to heat
3. Turn off heat when they make that starchy "done cooking!" sound (optional: test with a fork)
4. Retrieve the potatoes (no need for a specialized potato-retrieving device! Assuming you remembered to get the potatoes before all the water has boiled off and the potatoes have started to brown on the bottom of the pot which is tasty but means more scrubbing, you can either a) tilt the pot 45 degrees so it's over the bowl and scoop potatoes out with a fork or b) use the lid as a strainer to pour any excess water off)
5. Mix in whatever suits your fancy, and
6. Eat them.

Same thing! Less work.
posted by aniola at 6:13 PM on December 8, 2022

Incidentally, "specialized potato-retrieving device" is my new sockpuppet name.

(Spoon was already taken)
posted by Greg_Ace at 6:22 PM on December 8, 2022

They are not at all the same thing, but they can still be good. A compromise is to break them up with a big wooden fork/spoon/spork without worrying about how lumpy they are.

The first counter-top appliance most kitchens should have is a food processor, which makes short work of the task.
posted by snuffleupagus at 6:24 PM on December 8, 2022

I've always been under advisement that a food processor makes potato glue, but I'd never really be tempted because I'm too lazy to wash the damn food processor unless it's for pesto.
posted by away for regrooving at 8:19 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]

I’ve been remembering a grandmother’s classic old fashioned mashed potatoes, which were whipped and fluffy and potato flavored and not gluey at all. Much admired, not everyone got them right.

The right kind of potato, whipped at the right moment, and maybe cream instead of butter? (Maybe lard? Probably butter.)
posted by clew at 8:25 PM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]

My whisks don't seem strong enough for my mashed potatoes, mumimor, but I'll give it another try.

I actually learnt this late in life, and had the same reservation. But the whisks are fine, they can do it.
posted by mumimor at 6:31 AM on December 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

Yes, the hazard of the food processor is that they can get gluey if you overdo it. Using the plastic blade instead of the metal one helps some. I'm usually content with the chunky spoon-mash, especially if I haven't already used the food processor for something (which usually depends on how much chopping or grating there was to do). If you do want to use a potato masher, the wire-squiggle style works way better than the grid (one of OXO's rare fails). A ricer works even better, if you want to make them regularly (and can be used on veggies or to squeeze citrus too).

re food processor cleanup -- not sure about other brands, but for at least some Cuisinart models there are accessory lids without the chute which eliminates a lot of the cleanup hassle when you aren't using discs or adding ingredients.
posted by snuffleupagus at 7:34 AM on December 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

I've also had my eye on this little Shardor combo grinder/chopper for when I don't want to deal with the food processor, but also don't want to do the knifework or dirty the cutting board, counter, floor, etc. I have their basic coffee grinder with the removable bowl and it works well. Their more elaborate mini-food processor is also well reviewed.

The large all-metal whisks with the disc bracing the beaters that my mom has can handle mashed potatoes. The smaller one I have with a rubber handle and no disc is wobbly and doesn't work so well.

I've come to value things that contain mess, or help avoid having a ton of stuff accumulate on the counter or in the sink. I don't have much prep space to work with, and a sick as I get of cooking, the cleaning up is worse.
posted by snuffleupagus at 8:17 AM on December 9, 2022

I am thinking of you, student in your dorm room. You, solitary writer, artist, musician, potter, plumber, builder, hermit. You, parents with kids. You, night watchman. You, obsessed computer programmer or weary web-worker. You, lovers who like to cook together but don't want to put anything in the oven. You, in the witness protection program. You, nutritional wingnut. You, in a wheelchair.

I feel so seen! Thanks for the links to The Pot and how to use it by Roger Ebert, notoriety public and snuffleupagus. It is fun (and educational!) to read Ebert on something mostly not about movies.
posted by Bella Donna at 8:52 AM on December 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

In this age of computerized efficiency, someone should build a thing where you can feed in your anxieties, issues and general problems and get out a personalized cookbook.

For me, even though I loved my old food processor and used it a lot (since I am a cooking person), I really hated cleaning it, and often chose a cutting board and knife over it even though they objectively took the same time to clean. At some point, I was given a very fancy stand mixer and decided I could only have one big appliance. So now I only have an immersion blender, which is mostly fine with me. It is really easy to clean under running water. The things I miss are slicing big amounts of vegs and potatoes and making pie doughs, things that I doubt are a part of any Sad Bastard's menu plan. I mean even I mostly buys ready made pie doughs, and when we need a ton of sliced something there are always others in the kitchen who can do it.

Anyways, you may be different.

Right now, I am back to my student days. I am sharing my apartment with young people who have different attitudes to ownership and cleanliness than I do, and our dishwasher broke some time ago. I want to buy a new one, but the kids believe they have a solution. Which isn't arriving. Also, we are under (relatively mild) climate rules, so mostly eat vegan or vegetarian food, as well as pretty strict seasonal eating. So avocados from Peru are not welcome because we are very far from Peru, while an organic free range goose for Christmas can be done, with cabbage and potatoes. Exactly like in my leftist dorm during the -80s. Also, I am in therapy for PTSD that is good, I think, but also leaves me totally exhausted several days each week.

On the other hand, one of the kids has inherited an ancient rice cooker.

So I am exploring one-pot cooking, cooking in the rice cooker, cup noodles and seasonal eating. Eating from that one pot, or alternatively from one bowl, with a spoon or chopsticks. Unfortunately, when I have anxiety attacks, I can't eat sandwiches because my throat blocks, so soups are my big thing. My therapist says I have to eat. Whatever. I could go for ice cream, but I don't have a sweet tooth, salt and fat are my vices.

It is worth it, on days when you have spoons, to practice making all the egg things (if you eat eggs). IMO they are the best for spoonless days once you have made it easy for yourself. They sort of say the same in the book.

My vegan favorite no-effort dish is ful medames. I will eat it just heated out of the tin, and then there are upgrades, like adding garlic, tahini, olive oil and parsley and having bread on the side. But it is so good just out of the tin.
posted by mumimor at 9:29 AM on December 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

They are not at all the same thing, but they can still be good.

I think it depends on potato type and implementation of 3. Turn off heat when they make that starchy "done cooking!" sound and 5. Mix in whatever suits your fancy. If you boil them forever and mix in enough butter and cheese and yogurt you can absolutely get it to the same texture as mashed potatoes.

I usually don't do that, because I actually prefer waxy potatoes. But when I first started making these, they were identical to my previous experiences of mashed potatoes. Except the gluey ones, and I don't like gluey mashed potatoes as much (they stick to the roof of your mouth, like peanut butter), so it was fine.

Probably it depends on what kind of mashed potatoes you're talking about.
posted by aniola at 10:49 AM on December 9, 2022 [1 favorite]

Sauerkraut goes really good with potatoes. It adds saltiness, the potatoes manage to hide the fact that you're eating a vegetable. Bagged riced cauliflower can be boiled in with and snuck into potatoes.
posted by aniola at 10:58 AM on December 9, 2022 [2 favorites]

Sauerkraut goes really good with potatoes.

Now that you mention it, I bet kimchi does as well... I might have to experiment with that tonight.
posted by Greg_Ace at 12:04 PM on December 9, 2022

Sauerkraut goes really good with potatoes.

Sauerkraut goes great with everything.

Now that you mention it, I bet kimchi does as well... I might have to experiment with that tonight.

I made "unstuffed" cabbage rolls a couple of nights ago. As the name suggests, it's basically all the ingredients of a cabbage roll without the hassle of assembly. cooked on stove instead of baked. Had some as leftovers, thought kimchi would be amazing on them.
posted by a non mouse, a cow herd at 12:09 PM on December 9, 2022 [3 favorites]

I have now skimmed this cookbook and it cooks like me but is funnier. Also they are right about celery.
posted by aniola at 10:30 PM on December 17, 2022

Upon further reflection, this cookbook is

1. validating the way some of us already eat (I looked up validation recently and it means "recognition and acceptance" of someone else's experience and

2. an excellent reference for future food historians.
posted by aniola at 10:34 AM on December 18, 2022 [1 favorite]