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December 7, 2022 9:47 PM Subscribe
I want a silent wedding reception. My fiance and I are planning our wedding. As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests, to make sure that my special day is as perfect as possible. For example, I’m asking that my guests wear exclusively yellow at the ceremony.
My fiance has been supportive, but he angrily rejected my other request: that our guests remain silent throughout both the ceremony and reception (to ensure that the focus remains on us)....
Author and advice columnist Amy Dickinson has a response.
Archive link
Author and advice columnist Amy Dickinson has a response.
Archive link
She says that "we've had them in my family" - so you get to marry into a whole tribe full of nuttiness.
Just when you think you have heard it all ...
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 9:59 PM on December 7, 2022 [13 favorites]
Just when you think you have heard it all ...
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 9:59 PM on December 7, 2022 [13 favorites]
What does this even mean:
I know it’s uncommon. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we’ve had them in my family.
This makes it seem like it's a cultural or family tradition that the writer has not "heard of" outside of their family? Is there a cultural value or tradition that isn't being communicated here? The writer is quite inarticulate, and might just be a troll, but it's weird af.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:02 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
I know it’s uncommon. I’ve never heard of anyone else having one, but we’ve had them in my family.
This makes it seem like it's a cultural or family tradition that the writer has not "heard of" outside of their family? Is there a cultural value or tradition that isn't being communicated here? The writer is quite inarticulate, and might just be a troll, but it's weird af.
posted by mr_roboto at 10:02 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
Thanks for the Archive link!
Bridezilla!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 10:04 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
Bridezilla!
posted by Katjusa Roquette at 10:04 PM on December 7, 2022 [4 favorites]
"Aside from some traditions associated with a Quaker wedding (which yours obviously is not)"
.
posted by not_on_display at 10:18 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
.
posted by not_on_display at 10:18 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
I'm now picturing all the men at this wedding dressed either like this or like this.
posted by EllaEm at 10:20 PM on December 7, 2022 [17 favorites]
posted by EllaEm at 10:20 PM on December 7, 2022 [17 favorites]
This can't be real, right? This is just someone trying to get a funny letter in an advice column.
posted by potrzebie at 11:00 PM on December 7, 2022 [24 favorites]
posted by potrzebie at 11:00 PM on December 7, 2022 [24 favorites]
I picture a troop of Ted Shacklefords.
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:02 PM on December 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by Iris Gambol at 11:02 PM on December 7, 2022 [5 favorites]
Her wedding day will be memorable for sure, but so will the day that she got lectured publicly in the Washington Post.
posted by emelenjr at 11:07 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 11:07 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
I picture a troop of Ted Shacklefords.
Wait, he has a name?!
Also, I was thinking more like Jim Carrey in The Mask.
posted by Literaryhero at 11:18 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
Wait, he has a name?!
Also, I was thinking more like Jim Carrey in The Mask.
posted by Literaryhero at 11:18 PM on December 7, 2022 [6 favorites]
Somebody has moved from "goblin-mode sex questions on Reddit" to "overbearing-bride questions to advice columnists", yeah?
posted by away for regrooving at 11:36 PM on December 7, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by away for regrooving at 11:36 PM on December 7, 2022 [10 favorites]
Note to groom: flee.
posted by Paul Slade at 11:57 PM on December 7, 2022 [35 favorites]
posted by Paul Slade at 11:57 PM on December 7, 2022 [35 favorites]
As the bride, I’m planning on making certain requests of my guests...posted by The Underpants Monster at 12:02 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
And here I thought you were making requests as the Swedish Chef.
This can't be real, right? This is just someone trying to get a funny letter in an advice column.
Being that we're in late 2022, I went ahead and conducted an experiment. I can now report that "Write a wedding invitation from a bridezilla with outrageous requests" is a prompt that ChatGPT handles exceedingly well.
posted by penguinicity at 12:23 AM on December 8, 2022 [40 favorites]
Being that we're in late 2022, I went ahead and conducted an experiment. I can now report that "Write a wedding invitation from a bridezilla with outrageous requests" is a prompt that ChatGPT handles exceedingly well.
posted by penguinicity at 12:23 AM on December 8, 2022 [40 favorites]
Oh phew gosh I thought this was an Ask Mefi for a moment there
posted by BobInce at 1:13 AM on December 8, 2022 [12 favorites]
posted by BobInce at 1:13 AM on December 8, 2022 [12 favorites]
My advice to that fella is RUN AND DON'T LOOK BACK
posted by GallonOfAlan at 1:24 AM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
posted by GallonOfAlan at 1:24 AM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
I tried very hard to stay level headed when we were planning our wedding, and I sometimes look back to the Great Incorrect Shade Of Green Candle Affair and am embarrassed by my lack of perspective. But hey! At least I did not start by demanding my guests dress in the world's least universally flattering colour and then move on to insisting none of them speak for the whole day!!
posted by In Your Shell Like at 2:26 AM on December 8, 2022 [11 favorites]
posted by In Your Shell Like at 2:26 AM on December 8, 2022 [11 favorites]
This is a good way to get a lot of "regrets" RSVPs. I know a couple who intentionally made an off-kilter ask with the express goal of inviting everyone they were supposed to but ensuring hardly any would come. But this is on a whole nother level.
Or you could get people like me who would try to sneak in a vuvuzuela.
posted by basalganglia at 3:05 AM on December 8, 2022 [34 favorites]
Or you could get people like me who would try to sneak in a vuvuzuela.
posted by basalganglia at 3:05 AM on December 8, 2022 [34 favorites]
Surely a joyous celebration of acerbic sotto voce commentary for the guests.
posted by fairmettle at 3:24 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by fairmettle at 3:24 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
Oh phew gosh I thought this was an Ask Mefi for a moment there
I assumed from the pull quote that it was from McSweeney's...
posted by terretu at 3:31 AM on December 8, 2022 [15 favorites]
I assumed from the pull quote that it was from McSweeney's...
posted by terretu at 3:31 AM on December 8, 2022 [15 favorites]
I’m gonna make certain requests of my guests.
You need to call up the Richard Mercer’s Love Song Dedications show. Yeah, you might think you’re above it but in secret, alone in your car, working back late in the office, you tune into the show. It’s broadcast late evenings, and Richard talks to his guests about their love and their song. Choose the right song, the one you know will speak to that special someone. Send a loving message with Richard’s honeyed microphone voice. Yes. Yes. It’s Seal’s Kiss From A Rose.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:57 AM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
You need to call up the Richard Mercer’s Love Song Dedications show. Yeah, you might think you’re above it but in secret, alone in your car, working back late in the office, you tune into the show. It’s broadcast late evenings, and Richard talks to his guests about their love and their song. Choose the right song, the one you know will speak to that special someone. Send a loving message with Richard’s honeyed microphone voice. Yes. Yes. It’s Seal’s Kiss From A Rose.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 3:57 AM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
During the reception, the guests may whisper among one another, but may not speak aloud.
This is an elaborate ruse by an ASMR fetishist.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:00 AM on December 8, 2022 [17 favorites]
This is an elaborate ruse by an ASMR fetishist.
posted by PlusDistance at 4:00 AM on December 8, 2022 [17 favorites]
This can't be real, right? This is just someone trying to get a funny letter in an advice column.
Did she check to see if the question came from Yale?
posted by TedW at 4:00 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
Did she check to see if the question came from Yale?
posted by TedW at 4:00 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
I tried very hard to stay level headed when we were planning our wedding, and I sometimes look back to the Great Incorrect Shade Of Green Candle Affair and am embarrassed by my lack of perspective.
When my BFF got married (nearly 30 years ago now), she would sometimes call me to share chatty updates about the planning (I lived in another state, and she was more chill about things). But one night at about 11 pm, she called and sounded very tense. "Can we talk for a minute?" she asked.
"S? Oh my God, are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's me...can we talk for a minute?"
"Of course - oh my gosh, you sound so upset." I was bracing myself for something big - her fiance getting into an accident, them having a big fight and the wedding being called off.
"I know it's late," she said, "but....I really needed to talk for just a minute, is that okay?"
"Absolutely. What's going on."
She took a deep breath, and then wailed: "My mother and I just got into a screaming match about the stamps we were putting on the invitations, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??????"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:01 AM on December 8, 2022 [41 favorites]
When my BFF got married (nearly 30 years ago now), she would sometimes call me to share chatty updates about the planning (I lived in another state, and she was more chill about things). But one night at about 11 pm, she called and sounded very tense. "Can we talk for a minute?" she asked.
"S? Oh my God, are you okay?"
"Yeah, it's me...can we talk for a minute?"
"Of course - oh my gosh, you sound so upset." I was bracing myself for something big - her fiance getting into an accident, them having a big fight and the wedding being called off.
"I know it's late," she said, "but....I really needed to talk for just a minute, is that okay?"
"Absolutely. What's going on."
She took a deep breath, and then wailed: "My mother and I just got into a screaming match about the stamps we were putting on the invitations, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME??????"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 4:01 AM on December 8, 2022 [41 favorites]
This can't be real, right? This is just someone trying to get a funny letter in an advice column.
Did she check to see if the question came from Yale?
I was just going to say this! If it’s before your born-by date, Ann Landers used to call these “Yale letters” after all the clearly fake advice questions she used to get with New Haven addresses.
But sure, Bridezilla. Maybe he should just loosen up. It’s not like everyone / anyone who shows up will pay any attention to her requests anyway. You can’t even get some people to not bring their kids to “no kids” receptions, and those are pretty common. Mazal
Tov!
posted by Mchelly at 4:36 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
Did she check to see if the question came from Yale?
I was just going to say this! If it’s before your born-by date, Ann Landers used to call these “Yale letters” after all the clearly fake advice questions she used to get with New Haven addresses.
But sure, Bridezilla. Maybe he should just loosen up. It’s not like everyone / anyone who shows up will pay any attention to her requests anyway. You can’t even get some people to not bring their kids to “no kids” receptions, and those are pretty common. Mazal
Tov!
posted by Mchelly at 4:36 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
an AI probably wrote it
(on preview i see that penguinicity already got there)
posted by glonous keming at 5:17 AM on December 8, 2022
(on preview i see that penguinicity already got there)
posted by glonous keming at 5:17 AM on December 8, 2022
Awful Intended?
posted by lalochezia at 5:19 AM on December 8, 2022
posted by lalochezia at 5:19 AM on December 8, 2022
I'm now picturing all the men at this wedding dressed either like this or like this.
If the requested color were green I'd just assume she came from a family of VFX artists and everyone had to dress that way to make it easier for the guests to be replaced with CGI monsters of their own choosing.
And of course the sound can be added in post.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:20 AM on December 8, 2022 [23 favorites]
If the requested color were green I'd just assume she came from a family of VFX artists and everyone had to dress that way to make it easier for the guests to be replaced with CGI monsters of their own choosing.
And of course the sound can be added in post.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:20 AM on December 8, 2022 [23 favorites]
Oh phew gosh I thought this was an Ask Mefi for a moment there.
Right? I kept checking to make sure the background was blue and not green while I was reading the FPP.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:22 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
Right? I kept checking to make sure the background was blue and not green while I was reading the FPP.
posted by Thorzdad at 5:22 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
I kept waiting for a give away line like: "Also, the guests have an annoying tendency to scream while being devoured by the Great One. How do I make them understand that He prefers a respectful silence whilst tearing them limb from limb? Would opening the bar earlier help?"
posted by dannyboybell at 5:30 AM on December 8, 2022 [17 favorites]
posted by dannyboybell at 5:30 AM on December 8, 2022 [17 favorites]
Thank you for this. I would support an occasional absolutely batshit advice entry to MeFi every now and then to allow for the fun commenting that ensues. WTF.
These people should at least get a bunch of banana as a wedding gift, those are yellow and silent.
🍌 🍌 🍌 🤫 🤫 🤫
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:31 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
These people should at least get a bunch of banana as a wedding gift, those are yellow and silent.
🍌 🍌 🍌 🤫 🤫 🤫
posted by tiny frying pan at 5:31 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
The only man who could pull off wearing yellow.
Also, this whole thing sounds like a failed Star Trek: TNG pitch.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:32 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
Also, this whole thing sounds like a failed Star Trek: TNG pitch.
posted by Halloween Jack at 5:32 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
This reads like a fake letter to me, but certainly there are people out there who would want this or something even nuttier.
I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect.
This bolded part is actually a really common way of thinking about weddings and gets at why there can be so much emotional focus on tiny details (like the candle colors and the stamps mentioned above). Personally, we just eloped and skipped all of the wedding stuff and it was perfect for us, but that's obviously not most people's choice.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:40 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
I know it’s a lot to ask, but I feel I should have the wedding I want, so that the start of our life together will be perfect.
This bolded part is actually a really common way of thinking about weddings and gets at why there can be so much emotional focus on tiny details (like the candle colors and the stamps mentioned above). Personally, we just eloped and skipped all of the wedding stuff and it was perfect for us, but that's obviously not most people's choice.
posted by Dip Flash at 5:40 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
Maybe she's an It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia fan?
posted by emelenjr at 5:53 AM on December 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by emelenjr at 5:53 AM on December 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
The only relevant tradition of silence I can think of is the Scientologists having a thing about giving birth in silence.
Anyway, they should have a Zoom wedding where all the guests who call in are muted. And at the ceremony itself they can all be replaced by containers of yellow flowers.
They will of course be required to pay for the flowers.
posted by emjaybee at 6:45 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
Anyway, they should have a Zoom wedding where all the guests who call in are muted. And at the ceremony itself they can all be replaced by containers of yellow flowers.
They will of course be required to pay for the flowers.
posted by emjaybee at 6:45 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
I figure at least half of 'relationship advice' sorts of things (this, AmITheAsshole, etc) are, well, kayfabe, but this really does have that 'AI generated text' air to it, so maybe we're seeing a new frontier is "weird relationship shit on the internet"
posted by rmd1023 at 7:03 AM on December 8, 2022
posted by rmd1023 at 7:03 AM on December 8, 2022
Bride has been watching too much Eurovision.
posted by JanetLand at 7:06 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by JanetLand at 7:06 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
This can't be real, right? This is just someone trying to get a funny letter in an advice column.
If it’s a fake, it’s a fairly unimaginative one. Reality has produced much much weirder things in the bridezilla department.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:07 AM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
If it’s a fake, it’s a fairly unimaginative one. Reality has produced much much weirder things in the bridezilla department.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 7:07 AM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
The only man who could pull off wearing yellow.This should have been a link to Jesse Cole, owner of the Savanna Bananas, who maybe will step up and make an offer to host this wedding at Bananaland.
posted by 3j0hn at 7:55 AM on December 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
I would absolutely go that wedding, if only for the opportunity to stand in the back, holding a boombox over my head that is blasting Coldplay's Yellow. (While wearing a yellow overcoat, of course)
posted by xedrik at 8:01 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
posted by xedrik at 8:01 AM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
I read this earlier! What is the actual point? Is this person boring or just ridiculous? I need a word.
I also need to see everyones outfits. What if they are different shades of yellow. It would be amazing if everyone showed up as either a banana or a lemon. Table settings would have lemon heads and banana now a laters.
She could totally have a silent wedding by just finding a quiet location, her husband to be and a witness plus the officiant. But for some reason she needs to impose this on other people. Whatever.
posted by mokeydraws at 8:23 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
I also need to see everyones outfits. What if they are different shades of yellow. It would be amazing if everyone showed up as either a banana or a lemon. Table settings would have lemon heads and banana now a laters.
She could totally have a silent wedding by just finding a quiet location, her husband to be and a witness plus the officiant. But for some reason she needs to impose this on other people. Whatever.
posted by mokeydraws at 8:23 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
for the guests to be replaced with CGI monsters of their own choosing.
Monster wedding .
As a bonus several people are wearing yellow and only one person is talking (singing).
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:31 AM on December 8, 2022
Monster wedding .
As a bonus several people are wearing yellow and only one person is talking (singing).
posted by The_Vegetables at 8:31 AM on December 8, 2022
Fake or not, I am reminded to be grateful that my bride's wedding planning was focused on "make it a night of such riotous fun for all of our friends that they'll remember it to the day they die," and that she was largely successful.
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 8:32 AM on December 8, 2022 [10 favorites]
posted by Aardvark Cheeselog at 8:32 AM on December 8, 2022 [10 favorites]
the guests have an annoying tendency to scream while being devoured by the Great One.
The color scheme made me wonder if the bridezilla is a hardcore King in Yellow fan.
posted by doctornemo at 8:46 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
The color scheme made me wonder if the bridezilla is a hardcore King in Yellow fan.
posted by doctornemo at 8:46 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
Like others, I imagine this is fake. But it is so much less interestingly fake than so many crazy things that brides do want.
Wedding guests are not decor.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:48 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
Wedding guests are not decor.
posted by jacquilynne at 8:48 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
I didn't appreciate the advice columnists choice to roast Quakers. She clearly knows nothing about Quaker ceremonies either-- there's nothing chattier than a room where you let all your guests pop up whenever they feel moved to speak.
posted by blueberry monster at 8:58 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
posted by blueberry monster at 8:58 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
Fully agree that this is weird and horrible and the groom should run.
But I'm also kinda disappointed to see this type of finger-pointing as a FPP here. There's nothing here but mean. We're not reddit ... right?
posted by Dashy at 9:16 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
But I'm also kinda disappointed to see this type of finger-pointing as a FPP here. There's nothing here but mean. We're not reddit ... right?
posted by Dashy at 9:16 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
"The only man who could pull off wearing yellow."
*ahem*
posted by feistycakes at 9:27 AM on December 8, 2022 [20 favorites]
*ahem*
posted by feistycakes at 9:27 AM on December 8, 2022 [20 favorites]
I’d love to know how she imagines they’d enforce it. Roving librarians?
posted by gottabefunky at 9:54 AM on December 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
posted by gottabefunky at 9:54 AM on December 8, 2022 [5 favorites]
I'll take Invitations That Are Easy to Decline for $400.
posted by theora55 at 9:58 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by theora55 at 9:58 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
I’d love to know how she imagines they’d enforce it. Roving librarians?
Great, now I have a new and very awkward fetish. I didn't really need any more of those.
posted by loquacious at 10:07 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
Great, now I have a new and very awkward fetish. I didn't really need any more of those.
posted by loquacious at 10:07 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
Shhh.
posted by MrVisible at 10:17 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by MrVisible at 10:17 AM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
But I'm also kinda disappointed to see this type of finger-pointing as a FPP here. There's nothing here but mean. We're not reddit ... right?
We contain multitudes.
posted by slogger at 10:27 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
We contain multitudes.
posted by slogger at 10:27 AM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
I hate no color more than I hate yellow.
But OMG, if I got an invite to this wedding, I would attend the fuck out of it.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 10:53 AM on December 8, 2022 [11 favorites]
But OMG, if I got an invite to this wedding, I would attend the fuck out of it.
posted by palmcorder_yajna at 10:53 AM on December 8, 2022 [11 favorites]
...yeah, good luck with THIS idea, is what I thought. People won't shut up.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:18 AM on December 8, 2022
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:18 AM on December 8, 2022
Can she fix the concert talking next?
posted by aiq at 11:39 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by aiq at 11:39 AM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
One of the things that social media has really made possible is finding out what kind of bizarre family traditions people have. I don't mean regional or cultural traditions, I mean family traditions, from families that somehow never informed their children that things out there were otherwise. Sometimes they're sweet and charming or heartfelt. Sometimes they're like this. Or like the lady in an AITA post who had several kids and demanded presents on their birthdays because she gave them life. Or, God help us, like the poop knife.
This could be fake, of course, but usually a fake advice letter has some kind of axe to grind or fetish to explore. It's made to raise hackles. This certainly does that, but it's an odd thing to make up. Although it does sound like something you'd dream about -- a silent yellow wedding that you couldn't get out of.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:42 AM on December 8, 2022 [4 favorites]
This could be fake, of course, but usually a fake advice letter has some kind of axe to grind or fetish to explore. It's made to raise hackles. This certainly does that, but it's an odd thing to make up. Although it does sound like something you'd dream about -- a silent yellow wedding that you couldn't get out of.
posted by Countess Elena at 11:42 AM on December 8, 2022 [4 favorites]
What if everyone did everything she asked, BUT also wore Minions goggles?
posted by Mchelly at 12:34 PM on December 8, 2022 [33 favorites]
posted by Mchelly at 12:34 PM on December 8, 2022 [33 favorites]
This can't be real, right? This is just someone trying to get a funny letter in an advice column.
I'm mildly addicted to the subreddit Am I the Asshole?, which is basically an advice column...by redditors. Which could be disastrous (and occasionally is), but mostly the advice and judgements are pretty solid.
Some posts are clearly fake, so it's kind of fun to figure out the fake ones spread throughout the real ones. Some are quite creative.
posted by zardoz at 12:43 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
I'm mildly addicted to the subreddit Am I the Asshole?, which is basically an advice column...by redditors. Which could be disastrous (and occasionally is), but mostly the advice and judgements are pretty solid.
Some posts are clearly fake, so it's kind of fun to figure out the fake ones spread throughout the real ones. Some are quite creative.
posted by zardoz at 12:43 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
But I'm also kinda disappointed to see this type of finger-pointing as a FPP here. There's nothing here but mean.
I think there's a discussion to be had between this post and the chronically online post mentioned at the beginning of this thread, maybe something about the difference between "I posted a smug thing on Twitter" and "I asked an advice columnist a weird question" and the responses those elicit.
I love advice columns (and AITA, for similar reasons) but grinding through how I feel about both of them, I'm having some making-me-think discomfort around the idea that part of the "fun" of reading advice columns is running into the occasional post like this one where laughing at the question and the person who wrote it is the whole point. And also with how close that is to the Daily Asshole/Main Character of Twitter when the MC is some relatively innocuous random.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 1:21 PM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
I think there's a discussion to be had between this post and the chronically online post mentioned at the beginning of this thread, maybe something about the difference between "I posted a smug thing on Twitter" and "I asked an advice columnist a weird question" and the responses those elicit.
I love advice columns (and AITA, for similar reasons) but grinding through how I feel about both of them, I'm having some making-me-think discomfort around the idea that part of the "fun" of reading advice columns is running into the occasional post like this one where laughing at the question and the person who wrote it is the whole point. And also with how close that is to the Daily Asshole/Main Character of Twitter when the MC is some relatively innocuous random.
posted by gentlyepigrams at 1:21 PM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
Everyone in yellow head to toe? Bananas? A tradition of silent family weddings?
This question could only have been submitted by a curious biped named George.
posted by prinado at 1:42 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
This question could only have been submitted by a curious biped named George.
posted by prinado at 1:42 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
Or, God help us, like the poop knife.
The what now?
posted by Paul Slade at 1:57 PM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
The what now?
posted by Paul Slade at 1:57 PM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
When people ask me why my marriage with my wife works, I always tell them "because of low expectations." I let people laugh for a bit and then explain to them that I'm kind of serious about this. I think part of the reason why so many marriages blow up is because of the incredibly high and unrealistic expectation of "I'm marrying the man of my dreams and I'll be a princess and he'll treat me that way and everything will be perfect." Folks, if you go into any relationship with that mindset, things are going to go from perfect to suck very, very quickly.
A lot of blame for this comes from how weddings are portrayed on TV. They're perfect and unbelievably expensive and everyone acts just the way they're supposed to. Unfortunately making a huge production like a wedding perfect is virtually impossible. And every family has a few members that drink waaaaaay too much and get obnoxious or mother-in-laws that "accidentally" dress just like the bride or, in at least one case, had wedding pictures taken on a dock that collapsed, giving the wedding party an impromptu swimming party and some really fun video.
Let's face it though. The weddings that we remember are those that went wrong in some huge way. I discovered that rented tuxes don't breathe at all plus churches don't have the best HVAC systems, so I'm sweating like a marathon runner at my wedding. A family member that we needed to take a bunch of pictures with decided to wear a hot pink stripper dress that day. Last but not least, we put out cameras for people to take impromptu pictures with and someone stole every last one of them. But when we talk about our wedding day, it's those less-than-perfect moments that we remember and talk and laugh about.
So I guess I'm happy that our wedding wasn't perfect. Not that either of us expected perfect since we were in our 30s before getting married, but I think everyone should go through a "cool your jets" class in middle school or something. A class where the whole princess myth is destroyed, and everyone learns that you get out of marriage what you put into it. I think it's important to discover early on that there are no real princesses or perfect marriages or perfectly handsome grooms, otherwise people spend decades pining for the perfect wedding, only to consider the wedding a disaster because something odd (and ultimately funny) happened.
posted by ensign_ricky at 2:22 PM on December 8, 2022 [14 favorites]
A lot of blame for this comes from how weddings are portrayed on TV. They're perfect and unbelievably expensive and everyone acts just the way they're supposed to. Unfortunately making a huge production like a wedding perfect is virtually impossible. And every family has a few members that drink waaaaaay too much and get obnoxious or mother-in-laws that "accidentally" dress just like the bride or, in at least one case, had wedding pictures taken on a dock that collapsed, giving the wedding party an impromptu swimming party and some really fun video.
Let's face it though. The weddings that we remember are those that went wrong in some huge way. I discovered that rented tuxes don't breathe at all plus churches don't have the best HVAC systems, so I'm sweating like a marathon runner at my wedding. A family member that we needed to take a bunch of pictures with decided to wear a hot pink stripper dress that day. Last but not least, we put out cameras for people to take impromptu pictures with and someone stole every last one of them. But when we talk about our wedding day, it's those less-than-perfect moments that we remember and talk and laugh about.
So I guess I'm happy that our wedding wasn't perfect. Not that either of us expected perfect since we were in our 30s before getting married, but I think everyone should go through a "cool your jets" class in middle school or something. A class where the whole princess myth is destroyed, and everyone learns that you get out of marriage what you put into it. I think it's important to discover early on that there are no real princesses or perfect marriages or perfectly handsome grooms, otherwise people spend decades pining for the perfect wedding, only to consider the wedding a disaster because something odd (and ultimately funny) happened.
posted by ensign_ricky at 2:22 PM on December 8, 2022 [14 favorites]
I'd like to place a $10 bounty on video or photo evidence of the yellow wedding.
posted by shenkerism at 2:26 PM on December 8, 2022
posted by shenkerism at 2:26 PM on December 8, 2022
The what now?
"I thought it was standard kit."
posted by Countess Elena at 2:27 PM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
"I thought it was standard kit."
posted by Countess Elena at 2:27 PM on December 8, 2022 [8 favorites]
Don't ask, don't Google on "poop knife."
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:34 PM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:34 PM on December 8, 2022 [1 favorite]
I read this earlier! What is the actual point?
because when the preacher says, if any one knows a reason why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace, they CAN'T SAY ANYTHING!!
it's quite clever
posted by pyramid termite at 2:40 PM on December 8, 2022 [12 favorites]
because when the preacher says, if any one knows a reason why this couple should not be married, speak now or forever hold your peace, they CAN'T SAY ANYTHING!!
it's quite clever
posted by pyramid termite at 2:40 PM on December 8, 2022 [12 favorites]
A red wedding would be more interesting.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:50 PM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by kirkaracha at 2:50 PM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
I have yet to see a man’s yellow outfit that didn’t bring to mind a giant banana.
This is true. My dad once bought a yellow suit and we called it the banana suit. (He was normally a nice dresser but made some weird choices late in his life.)
He bought a red suit at the same time. We called it the devil suit.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:52 PM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
This is true. My dad once bought a yellow suit and we called it the banana suit. (He was normally a nice dresser but made some weird choices late in his life.)
He bought a red suit at the same time. We called it the devil suit.
posted by kirkaracha at 2:52 PM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
It wouldn't bother me to be asked to be silent during a ceremony, seems like a request that's well within my range of abilities and willingness to do.
I don't love colour theme events where I would have to shell out for new clothing though, especially something outside common colours (and that I might not wear again outside of the event)
posted by womb of things to be and tomb of things that were at 4:23 PM on December 8, 2022
I don't love colour theme events where I would have to shell out for new clothing though, especially something outside common colours (and that I might not wear again outside of the event)
posted by womb of things to be and tomb of things that were at 4:23 PM on December 8, 2022
> It wouldn't bother me to be asked to be silent during a ceremony, seems like a request that's well within my range of abilities and willingness to do
But it's the ceremony and the reception.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:27 PM on December 8, 2022 [6 favorites]
But it's the ceremony and the reception.
posted by The corpse in the library at 4:27 PM on December 8, 2022 [6 favorites]
basilganglia: "Or you could get people like me who would try to sneak in a vuvuzuela."
Just so it's a *yellow* vuvuzuela.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 5:34 PM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
Just so it's a *yellow* vuvuzuela.
posted by Nancy Lebovitz at 5:34 PM on December 8, 2022 [7 favorites]
didn't appreciate the advice columnists choice to roast Quakers.
I think you may have misread that sentence.
posted by zamboni at 6:20 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
I think you may have misread that sentence.
posted by zamboni at 6:20 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
I didn't appreciate the advice columnists choice to roast Quakers. She clearly knows nothing about Quaker ceremonies either-- there's nothing chattier than a room where you let all your guests pop up whenever they feel moved to speak.
I’m a Quaker, and this is true. You get a bunch of friends and relatives who have never been to a Quaker meeting, and they ramble endlessly about their forty-year relationship with one of the brides.
It’s sweet, though, in its way.
Attenders at Quaker weddings sign a certificate as witnesses. It’s usually nice calligraphy and, like the Jewish ketubah, it ends up hanging on the couple’s wall. Kids who are present are encouraged to sign and that’s always very sweet.
Quakers do know how to throw a joyful wedding on a shoestring. We don’t decorate, might have a few flower arrangements. The weddings I’ve been to are usually potlucks, with the couple and their support committee providing some main dishes (and lots of pre-planning about who is bringing what). I love a good Quaker wedding.
posted by Well I never at 6:30 PM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
I’m a Quaker, and this is true. You get a bunch of friends and relatives who have never been to a Quaker meeting, and they ramble endlessly about their forty-year relationship with one of the brides.
It’s sweet, though, in its way.
Attenders at Quaker weddings sign a certificate as witnesses. It’s usually nice calligraphy and, like the Jewish ketubah, it ends up hanging on the couple’s wall. Kids who are present are encouraged to sign and that’s always very sweet.
Quakers do know how to throw a joyful wedding on a shoestring. We don’t decorate, might have a few flower arrangements. The weddings I’ve been to are usually potlucks, with the couple and their support committee providing some main dishes (and lots of pre-planning about who is bringing what). I love a good Quaker wedding.
posted by Well I never at 6:30 PM on December 8, 2022 [9 favorites]
aiq: Just so it's a *yellow* vuvuzuela.
...that plays a quiet vuvuzuela version of "Toxic" by Britney Spears?
posted by ensign_ricky at 6:35 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
...that plays a quiet vuvuzuela version of "Toxic" by Britney Spears?
posted by ensign_ricky at 6:35 PM on December 8, 2022 [2 favorites]
My dad — the son of a midwestern farmer and lifelong HVAC guy — bought a yellow suit not long after mom died and I’ll be damned if he didn’t look pretty good in it!
He also had a putty knife taped to a stick that he kept by his toilet.
So. You know, he was always entertaining to be around.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 8:55 PM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
He also had a putty knife taped to a stick that he kept by his toilet.
So. You know, he was always entertaining to be around.
posted by Big Al 8000 at 8:55 PM on December 8, 2022 [3 favorites]
“ My mother and I just got into a screaming match about the stamps we were putting on the invitations”
Oh, yeah. I have witnessed the Agony of the Right Stamps, and it’s not pretty. Never saw a screaming match, though. It was more akin to a meltdown over the local postoffice being out of the “Orchids of the Americas” stamps, and only having the “Salute to Indycar” series available.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:17 AM on December 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
Oh, yeah. I have witnessed the Agony of the Right Stamps, and it’s not pretty. Never saw a screaming match, though. It was more akin to a meltdown over the local postoffice being out of the “Orchids of the Americas” stamps, and only having the “Salute to Indycar” series available.
posted by Thorzdad at 6:17 AM on December 9, 2022 [1 favorite]
It was more akin to a meltdown over the local postoffice being out of the “Orchids of the Americas” stamps, and only having the “Salute to Indycar” series available.
If memory serves, the two sides of the debate were:
"Here's these Blondie and Dagwood stamps and me and my fiance love the funny papers so it makes sense for us!"
vs.
"This is a WEDDING, we have to put those 'Love' stamps on them, the ones with doves and flowers and hearts!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:42 AM on December 9, 2022 [3 favorites]
If memory serves, the two sides of the debate were:
"Here's these Blondie and Dagwood stamps and me and my fiance love the funny papers so it makes sense for us!"
vs.
"This is a WEDDING, we have to put those 'Love' stamps on them, the ones with doves and flowers and hearts!"
posted by EmpressCallipygos at 6:42 AM on December 9, 2022 [3 favorites]
This is why my wife and I decided we were going to get married by an Elvis impersonator in a drive-thru wedding chapel in Las Vegas. When our immediate families protested, we caved in and had the smallest ceremony possible (us, our parents, and our siblings) on top of a mountain at a state park.
Five years later, we renewed our vows with the help of an Elvis impersonator in a drive-thru wedding chapel in Las Vegas.
posted by Furnace of Doubt at 11:50 AM on December 9, 2022 [5 favorites]
Five years later, we renewed our vows with the help of an Elvis impersonator in a drive-thru wedding chapel in Las Vegas.
posted by Furnace of Doubt at 11:50 AM on December 9, 2022 [5 favorites]
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