A potential solution to the mystery of Bigfoot

February 2, 2023 5:22 AM

Building on the work of other scientists, data scientist Floe Foxon says that most sasquatch sightings in the United States and Canada were probably black bears, walking on their hind legs.

Foxon has also crunched the numbers to confirm that the Loch Ness monster is probably not an eel.

posted by joannemerriam (46 comments total)

It would certainly explain all those sightings of bigfoot wearing a collar and tie.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 5:41 AM on February 2, 2023 [20 favorites]

A hug monster!
posted by seanmpuckett at 5:41 AM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

I was strolling in the forest behind Phra Nang Beach, Thailand in 1986 and happened to cross paths with a gibbon, also strolling along. It was about 25 feet away and the light wasn’t good, so I couldn’t see its face, but we both stood there for a beat before it walked off into denser bushes. To unexpectedly see something moving so much like a person (with impossibly long arms) made every hair on my body stand straight. Never had a sensation like it before or since.
posted by brachiopod at 5:57 AM on February 2, 2023 [26 favorites]

Up until about the mid- or late-90s people could still say with a straight face that there were a lot of wilderness areas and anything (i.e., bigfoot) could be living there. But the sheer number of game cameras that are now installed all over the place, many by hunters but also by people interested more generally in wildlife, precludes that slim path to believability. There just aren't enough unobserved places these days. I'm sure there are plenty of true believers still, but at this point that is more by choice than any kind of plausability.

I used to live near one of the areas with a lot of supposed bigfoot sightings, and knew several people who claimed to have seen one. But if you talked to them a bit, the sightings were always while they were drinking whiskey at hunting camp. I'm sure they were seeing bear, other hunters, or just a shadow, seen through the bottom of a bottle.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:01 AM on February 2, 2023 [9 favorites]

Maybe we could shave the bears with Occam's razor.
posted by Mr.Know-it-some at 6:14 AM on February 2, 2023 [10 favorites]

I think it more likely that so-called "black bears" are actually sasquatches walking on all fours to escape detection. Don't you?
posted by Naberius at 6:15 AM on February 2, 2023 [62 favorites]

I've seen clear videos of deer walking on their hind legs. Apparently they will do this sometimes, usually because one or both of their front legs is injured (and it probably means they will be dead soon). Like Dip Flash said, in this age of GoPro cameras, drones and such, the idea that there is a species of 7' tall bipedal/simian mammal walking around North America still unknown to scientists is absurd.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:16 AM on February 2, 2023 [1 favorite]

Sasquatch are wookiees. They crash-landed here long, long ago, from a galaxy far, far away. We don't get good pictures because of their cloaking devices. I don't know why we're still discussing this.

I realize this doesn't explain the bears walking on hind legs. That shit is weird.
posted by goatdog at 6:21 AM on February 2, 2023 [13 favorites]

Either that or jokers in a suit. Either way, not Bigfoots. Bigfeet? Whatever.
posted by GallonOfAlan at 6:23 AM on February 2, 2023

"Hold it Bob! We can see your wristwatch."

#unexpectedsimpsons
posted by fortitude25 at 6:24 AM on February 2, 2023 [2 favorites]

Nah, I will still continue to believe in cryptids because I like to think the world is a weird and wonderful place.
posted by Kitteh at 6:26 AM on February 2, 2023 [8 favorites]

Or you could watch this well researched documentary, Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues (1984) in its entirety on YouTube. Though it's about the Skunk Ape, Bigfoot's southern cousin.
posted by SoberHighland at 6:31 AM on February 2, 2023

If bigfoot is there, it may be many bears.

This is exactly what BigBigfoot wants you to believe. Wake up, sheeple.
posted by jquinby at 6:31 AM on February 2, 2023 [2 favorites]

I've seen clear videos of deer walking on their hind legs. Apparently they will do this sometimes, usually because one or both of their front legs is injured

Deer do that fairly regularly in my backyard to reach leaves on trees that are just out of reach when they're on all fours. But only for a few steps.
posted by joannemerriam at 6:46 AM on February 2, 2023 [1 favorite]

This is exactly what BigBigfoot wants you to believe

This is what we all agreed to believe when Bigfoot wanted to retire and spend more time with the family.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 6:58 AM on February 2, 2023 [1 favorite]

Well, if pigs can fly, then deer can dance.
posted by y2karl at 6:59 AM on February 2, 2023 [2 favorites]

Goatdog - it wasn't *that* long ago, only about 240 years or so
posted by KirTakat at 7:10 AM on February 2, 2023 [2 favorites]

If we could just air drop enough unicycles into the woods for the bears to ride on instead of walking on their hind legs, it would really resolve this matter.
posted by Atreides at 7:10 AM on February 2, 2023 [5 favorites]

Sasquatch are wookiees. They crash-landed here long, long ago, from a galaxy far, far away. We don't get good pictures because of their cloaking devices. I don't know why we're still discussing this.

During the filming of Return of the Jedi — specifically the scenes on the forest moon of Endor, shot in Northern California — whenever Peter Mayhew was in costume as Chewbacca but not actually on camera, he had to be escorted everywhere by a couple of guys in hi-vis vests lest a hunter mistake him for a Sasquatch.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:16 AM on February 2, 2023 [11 favorites]

Ewoks were not escorted, and casualties were high.
posted by ricochet biscuit at 7:17 AM on February 2, 2023 [17 favorites]

goatdog, your comment is actually similar to the plot of an episode of The Real Adventures of Jonny Quest. The gang is investigating sasquatch sightings but discover the creatures are actually aliens in disguise that use visual camouflage.
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 7:20 AM on February 2, 2023

The gang is investigating sasquatch sightings but discover the creatures are actually aliens in disguise that use visual camouflage.

AvPvJQ
posted by The Bellman at 7:22 AM on February 2, 2023 [6 favorites]

Not high enough.
posted by 7segment at 7:43 AM on February 2, 2023 [2 favorites]

The myth of Bigfoot has fascinated me for decades. Most of us know that there is no such creature, but some of us think it would be really, really cool if it did exist.

BTW, Colonel Steve Austin would like a word about this study...
posted by davidmsc at 7:54 AM on February 2, 2023 [4 favorites]

The methodology here is really interesting and seemingly persuasive. Thanks for posting!

I have no organized thoughts, but this puts me in mind of various scattered readings I've run into over the years on bear-mysticism and its possible connection to resurrection myths in various traditions.

For a lot of human populations in the Northern Hemisphere within any sort of human memory, bears have been the primary humanlike-yet-also-alien-and-terrifyingly-powerful creature, and it's something that a lot of different people in different cultures have tried to process in a lot of different ways. The Bigfoot mythos might not be entirely out of place as a bear mythos.

I guess what I'm saying is -- maybe bears are aliens. Or at any rate, maybe stories about aliens and cryptids are the best we can do now that stories about bears have mostly lost their purchase.
posted by Not A Thing at 8:06 AM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

Kitteh: Nah, I will still continue to believe in cryptids because I like to think the world is a weird and wonderful place.
The world is an indescribably weird and wonderful place without having the believe in cryptids. Have you ever seen the teeth of a crabeater seal?
posted by kmkrebs at 8:12 AM on February 2, 2023 [5 favorites]

I still believe in the Loch Ness creature
posted by an octopus IRL at 8:13 AM on February 2, 2023 [5 favorites]

Bigfeet are ultra-sensitive to the frequencies that smartphones use.
posted by Brian B. at 8:17 AM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

Crabeater seal teeth are pretty wild. But that doesn't quite scratch the Bigfoot itch IMO. Maybe instead of "weird and wonderful" we could say something like "beyond our ability to control and define"?

I guess we all feel some need for something that can make us recognize our limitations and act as a brake on human hubris so it doesn't get us all killed. (Setting aside whether or not it is too late for that.) Maybe cryptids are a kind of response to that basic need?
posted by Not A Thing at 8:39 AM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

Ewoks were not escorted, and casualties were high.

Intentionally.
posted by slogger at 9:00 AM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

A légpárnásom tele van angolnákkal.
posted by kirkaracha at 9:02 AM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

It's been a while since I was there, but the most fascinating exhibit at the International Cryptozoological Museum was the room of things the museum curators had decided were actually not real. Paired with the other exhibits, it provided a very weird window into the minds of cryptid-enthusiasts. I can't recall the exact distinctions they made, but it went something like this:

Aliens: Real.
Fairies: Fake.
Mermaids: Fake.
Loch Ness Monster: Probably Fake.
Bigfoot: Also fake, but Sasquatch? Sasquatch is totally real.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 9:10 AM on February 2, 2023 [4 favorites]

What's the difference between Bigfoot and Sasquatch?

And what does this study say about Mothman?
posted by drewbage1847 at 9:11 AM on February 2, 2023

Oh yeah ?

How would that describe yetis, huh ? Not like there are black bears in the arctic regions. They would totally be scared off by all the Yetis and polar bears!
posted by NoThisIsPatrick at 9:13 AM on February 2, 2023

No one thinks they’re relict Neanderthals??

Still Living?: Yeti, Sasquatch, and the Neanderthal Enigma, by anthropologist(?) Myra L Shackley was fun and hopeful reading back in the day.

I don’t think she mentioned any possibility that they were still living in us rather than among us — but I take what comfort I can from that mode of survival.
posted by jamjam at 9:55 AM on February 2, 2023 [1 favorite]

What's the difference between Bigfoot and Sasquatch?

I think Sasquatch is more hipster. I vaguely recall the museum drawing a distinction between the slow, lumbering, popular conception of Bigfoot as a guy in a costume and their MODERN, SCIENTIFICALLY PLAUSIBLE interpretation of a Sasquatch who's quick and intelligent and can easily avoid capture and observation.

I haven't been since the museum moved to it's current location. I think it's much bigger now. Well worth a visit if you're ever in Portland, ME.
posted by RonButNotStupid at 10:03 AM on February 2, 2023

Not a Thing, when I was a little kid, my parents used to read to me a book called The Bears of Blue River. The titular bears of Blue River ranged from the banal to the mythical, and the mysticism of the novel stuck with me. I can't speak to its politics; it's probably laced with colonialist undertones, but my memory of the story isn't strong enough to say for sure. Only the bears remain.

All that to say that I'm intrigued by this idea of bigfoot myths really being bear myths that have evolved over time.
posted by TheKaijuCommuter at 10:06 AM on February 2, 2023 [1 favorite]

We need correlation studies between Bigfoot sightings and pic-a-nic basket theft reports?
posted by PlusDistance at 10:06 AM on February 2, 2023 [6 favorites]

Everyone knows that the whole lineage of Bigfoot ( feet? ) were wiped out when Mt. Saint Helens erupted.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 10:19 AM on February 2, 2023

Their mama bear said if you keep walking like that you won't be able stop and then bang you'll be a Sasquatch.
posted by srboisvert at 10:21 AM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

And what does this study say about Mothman?

I friggin love Mothman. My current fave depiction of this cryptid is through the comic Cryptid Club.
posted by Kitteh at 10:26 AM on February 2, 2023 [2 favorites]

What's the difference between Bigfoot and Sasquatch?

One drinks root beer, the other sarsaparilla.
posted by bonehead at 10:49 AM on February 2, 2023 [2 favorites]

Bah. My anecdata calls foul on their data. Western North Carolina, where I used to live, is crawling with black bears and nobody ever even reports a skunk ape sighting (that's Georgia. WNC has no truck with Georgia.) Western Oregon, where I now live, has basically no black bears comparatively - people just have non locking trash cans like it's normal! They're crazy! - and everyone here believes in Sasquatch or at least has a bumper sticker.

Mine says "Bigfoot Doesn't Believe in You Either"
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:36 PM on February 2, 2023 [3 favorites]

Why We Can’t Rule Out Bigfoot: How the null hypothesis keeps the hairy hominid alive.
posted by jenfullmoon at 2:16 PM on February 2, 2023 [1 favorite]

Yeti's do have significantly more speed especially riding a TonTon.
posted by clavdivs at 3:24 PM on February 2, 2023 [1 favorite]

We all know that instances of bigfoot are suppressed by a shadowy extra governmental organization due to pre historical interspecies histories. See SCP-1000 for details
posted by Hactar at 5:52 PM on February 3, 2023